How to Frustrate Your Adorkable Alicorn

Chapters

Step 1: Anticipate her answers
Step 2: Read her mind
Step 3: Anticipate her words
Final step: Actually, leave it to the professionals

Step 1: Anticipate her answers

Hey, Eric “Buggie” Reed here.

Oh man, I was going to enjoy this. A lot.

Back in my old human world, I mastered some math and mind tricks that, if done right, can look like you’re reading minds or predicting the future. I already tested them on Starlight Glimmer and Spike to ensure that I remembered all the steps correctly.

Now, it was nearly time for the sweet main event, or mane event: employ those tricks on my favorite adorkable alicorn, Twilight Sparkle, and watch what happens! I will dub the incoming show "Twi-fun".

At this moment, I was lying across a couch in the library of Twilight’s castle; a stack of paper and a red quill lay on my stomach. I was playing with the brim of a white hat that has designs of Twilight's, Starlight's, Pinkie’s, Rarity’s, Fluttershy’s, Applejack’s, and Rainbow’s Cutie Marks -- Twilight’s and Starlight’s were near the top -- that I like wearing. Rarity made it for me, being the big-hearted Element of Generosity. More importantly, Twilight should be coming any second for one of her favorite activities: read books. She’s a great friend, but sometimes she’s more like the Princess of Books than Princess of Friendship.

Approaching hoofsteps from the hallways told me the Twi-fun was about to commence. I rubbed my hands in anticipation when one of the library’s doors cracked open in pink magic. Twilight trotted through the doorway, wearing one of her usual cheerful smiles. Almost felt bad that would change soon.

“Hey, Twi, glad you’re here.”

“You are?” Her smile left and became a worried frown. “Is there something wrong? You don’t lay that way on couches much.”

I sat up to rest my back against the couch’s backrest, laying the paper and quill still on my stomach beside me. Beats me why I was lying that way. “Nothing’s wrong. I just want to show you something.”

“Oh? What is it?” Twilight walked across the library to me. Those big eyes of hers oozed curiosity.

I pointed at myself. “I’m going to predict the future.” Trixie must have rubbed off on me a little because I bragged those words in a boastful voice. Not telling “Ms. Powerful” that, or she’ll pick on me about it.

“Really?” Twilight giggled with her mouth half-covered by a hoof. Part of me expected her to roll her eyes; Rainbow would have fallen on her back laughing if she were the one I told this to. “Don’t tell me Pinkie taught you how to use ‘Pinkie Sense’.”

“Nope, what I’m about to do is nothing like Pinkie Sense.”

After another chuckle, Twilight said, “Well, I was thinking of asking you to join me and read some of our favorite books together, but you can show off your ‘prediction’ first. What are you going to predict?”

I’m not the egghead Twilight is, but I do enjoy the reading sessions the two of us have. If she’d still want to after the Twi-fun is over, we’ll read together later.

I pointed at the papers beside me. “I’m about to write something on these papers, then I’ll ask you some questions. But first, close your eyes, so you won’t see what I’m going to write.”

Twilight closed her eyes; I wrote my prediction and Twilight’s questions on two of my sheets of papers, then flipped the one with my prediction face-down on the couch. The other paper with the questions I laid face-down on my lap.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

She opened her eyes. “I’m ready too, so fire away with the questions.” Along with her confident smile, I had the feeling that Twi was a little excited about this.

Me too. Maybe I should have told the joke-loving Rainbow and Pinkie about this.

“Let’s start off with you picking a number between 1-100.”

“Uh...I’ll pick a low number, so 8.”

“8, huh? Thought you'd pick something higher. Now, multiply 8 by 2.”

“By 2? That’ll give me 16.”

“Multiply 16 by 5. I bet you could solve that in your he--”

“And I did. The answer’s 80,” Twilight interrupted. She rolled her eyes up in thought as I was talking, but I barely had the chance to notice it.

“That was fast, even for you. Now divide 80 by the number you first picked, so 8.”

“80 ÷ 8 is...10.”

“Last step: subtract 7.”

“Now I have 3.” Twilight let out a little cute giggle. “I thought you were going to predict the future, not give me a math test.”

Glad you’re in a good mood. It’s about to end.

“That’s because I already predicted it." I pointed at the paper I had laid face-down beside me. "Take a gander at that paper.” I sank farther back on the couch to get more comfortable.

Twilight’s horn glowed pink and she levitated the paper I told her to read. She pulled it to her face and...oh boy! Her wings spread out at a lightning-fast speed that I’ve rarely seen them move. The paper was covering her face from my point-of-view, yet her eyes grew so huge, I still saw the edges of them.

“WHAT?!” Twilight pulled that paper even closer to her face. “How...how…” She lowered the paper. Her eyes shrunk back to normal, though her pupils were half their normal size. Why didn't I bring popcorn for this? “How did you already know the answer would be 3?!”

“As I said, I predicted the future. You’re supposed to be the smart one between us.”

Twilight stuttered, turning her head left and right, almost looking like she saw ghosts. Or, since this is Equestria, windigos. “B-but this is crazy! How could you--wait.” Twilight’s pupils “regrew” and her eyes formed a slight scowl. “What are you up to?”

I pointed at myself. “Up to? Why you think I'm up to something?”

Twilight set her hoof back on the floor, raised her head with her eyes closed, but kept her hold on the paper with her answer. She was showing her lecturing face, and she’s so prone to giving lectures whenever she gets the chance. “Because not long after I found you in Equestria, you became like a little brother to me, so I KNOW you, Buggie: you’re up to something.” Twilight opened her eyes and pointed at me. “How do I know you didn’t rig those questions?”

“Would I do something like that to you?” I asked innocently.

Twilight lowered her eyelids halfway, staring at me with one of the most deadpan faces ever. With my love of jokes and pranks, what I just asked might have been the dumbest question I’ve ever asked that pony. It had to be hard for her to keep her snarky side in check, verbally.

I let out a deep sigh at my blunder. “Fine, I would do something like that to you, but how? You picked to start off with ‘8’, remember?” I picked up the paper still on my lap to hold it up. ”I even wrote down everything I told you to do before you picked your number, so how could I have ‘rigged’ any of these questions?”

Twilight took (with her magic) the paper I showed her to get a closer look at it, mumbling what it said, and growled when she was finished reading. She levitated it and the paper with her answer back to me. “Fine, but still--"

"How about this, Princess of Skepticism: if you don't believe I can predict what your answers will be, I'll do it again. You game?" I balled up the paper she had given back to me. I wouldn't be needing them again.

"Okay, I'm, uh, game." Twilight's stressed frown relaxed. "Maybe you were just lucky. REALLY lucky, but lucky."

"Ha, keep telling yourself it's just luck. Close your eyes again and I'll write what your future answer will be."

Twilight closed her eyes and I wrote something on two new sheets of paper still beside me. Like before, I flipped one of them face-down on the couch and the other face-down on my lap.

"I'm ready."

She opened her eyes. "Do I still have to pick from 1-100?"

"This time, you can choose any number that's over '0', even a decimal number, so you won't say I'm just being lucky when I nail my prediction again. You can take one of the unused sheets of paper and quill if you will need them."

Twilight picked up the quill and a fresh sheet of paper and brought it to her. "In that case, I'll pick...152."

"Going triple-digits, I see," I commented with a chuckle. "Fine by me, so multiply that by 3."

"By 3? That will equal...456."

"Multiply 456 by 4."

"Uh, give me a second." Twilight wrote on the paper she held. Not even she could calculate that in her head so easily, but I bet she could if she really needed to. "Carry the 2...carry the 2 again...okay, I have 1,824."

"Now multiply that by 6."

She wrote on the paper again while muttering part of the process she took. "That gives me 10,944."

"Next step: divide what you have now by your original number of 152."

After more writing and low muttering, she said, "Now I have 72."

"Add 3."

"That I won't need to write down and the answer's 75. What's next?"

I pointed beside me at the face-down paper with my prediction. "'What's next' is for you to take a look at what I wrote a second ago."

Twilight picked up the paper and levitated it to her. She gasped, but didn't spread out her wings or make her eyes huge from shock this time. Even so, it was still a hilarious sight!

Just in case she thought I rigged things, I picked up the paper on my lap, which had the math questions I told her to do. She took it and stared at it right afterward.

"H-h-how did you know I would finish with 75?!"

I let out a brief laugh. "You already forgot that I predicted the future? Aren't you too young to have this kind of memory trouble?"

"I didn't forget about--" She growled and (with her magic) balled up the two sheets of paper she held and "threw" them in a nearby trash can. "Maybe you were correct again, but it still has to be some kind of trick! I don't know if even Starswirl the Bearded could do something like this!"

She wasn’t trying to do it, but I still felt a bit belittled here, making me shake my head. “You know, Twilight, most big sisters would say that I could do anything I put my mind to. You on the other--”

Twilight scowled and said, “Eric, I didn’t mean it that way and you know it. I’m the last pony to ever try to hurt your confidence.” Her scowl softened. “But this is just illogical, not because I don’t have faith in you!”

“‘Illogical’, huh?” I stretched my arms and yawned. Must have been lying on that couch too long waiting for Twilight to come. “Didn’t you learn some friendship lesson about how ‘some things can’t be explained’ or whatnot? It was back when you tried to learn how Pinkie Sense works, right?”

“I did, but after I learned a lesson about trusting your instincts, I performed more research on Pinkie Sense. After about a month of analysis and...hidden tests, I discovered that Pinkie possesses an unusual type of magic.”

Whoa, time out, time out! Let’s suspend the Twi-fun for a minute. Pinkie has some weird magic? It was my turn to have the widened eyes full of shock.

“Wait, she does?”

Twilight nodded her head. “Yes. It doesn't seem to function like unicorn magic, but I nevertheless concluded that it is the source of Pinkie Sense. Why she has this magic or how it operates without a horn, I've given up on learning.” She pulled her wings in front of her to fidget the edges of them. “Spike knows and Starlight wouldn’t judge me, but could you not tell the others about this little research I did? Even if I was right about Pinkie Sense having an explanation, I don’t want them to think I didn’t learn anything.”

Wow. Whether she learned nothing or not, Twilight Sparkle pulled off the impossible: she figured out Pinkie Pie. PINKIE PIE, the pony that can do impossible stuff seemingly by "feeling" like it! I stood from the couch, got on one knee, and bowed my head.

Somehow, I could feel Twilight looking down at me (literally) when she asked, “What are you doing?”

My head still down, I answered, “Princess Twilight Sparkle, you learned the secrets to Pinkie Pie, something I thought couldn’t be done. I’m giving you the respect you deserve for that feat.”

She giggled and playfully popped me on the top of my head with a hoof, making me look up at her. “Buggie, get up. You know I feel weird when my friends and, in your case, brother bow to me. I’m just a pony like you--” Twilight gasped. A simple little fact about me threw her off. “Uh, t-that is, I’m a human like--wait, no, b-because I’m...uh...”

Twilight’s stuttering and turning her head in random directions as she struggled to find the right words were amusing, but I chose to help her out. “Ha-ha, I know what you meant: you don't want me to think you're better than me. I'm getting up.” I sprang to my feet and sat back on the couch while laughing; Twilight joined me in laughing. After a few more seconds of laughter, we both calmed down.

“But back to your ‘prediction’. I still say there’s more to this, so I am going to learn what you are up to.”

“Good luck. I’ll be here when you blow it.”

With her magic, Twilight plucked some books from the library's bookshelves and sprinted out of the library. Some of those books were about math, so I guess she thought they might aid her.

After she left, I had another good laugh. Messing with her is fun, and it’s not like she doesn’t do the same to me when she’s in playful moods. Three days ago, she really put me through the wringer before she had enough.

At any rate, with how smart Twilight is, she would figure out how my “prediction” worked in no time. I tossed the balled-up paper beside me in the trash can (it had the first series of math questions and the answer of "3") and put the still-unused paper on a dresser beside the couch. Then, I lay across the couch again -- this time I truly meant to -- and waited for Twi to come running back.

And then in round 2 of my Twi-fun, I'll do something much more complicated than math tricks: read her mind.

Author's Note

Mind-reading?! Oh, nelly!

Will Eric abuse his new mind-reading powers on Twilight? Can he even do it? If he can read her mind, how will Twilight react?

Also, have you figured out how Eric's math trick works?

Step 2: Read her mind

About ten minutes after Twilight left the library, an “AHA!!” echoing throughout the castle told me that she should be running to me any second to say “I told you so”. Knew she was too smart to stay fooled for long, but the Twi-fun was just getting started.

I was still lying across the couch; I should lay that way more often since Twilight doesn’t mind it.

Pink light flashed in front of me, causing me to shout with my heart skipping a beat: bursts of light appearing without warning will do that. When the light faded, Twilight was standing a pony’s length away with a big grin and pointed a hoof at me. “Ha! That was a nice try, but I knew it was a trick!”

“You figured it out?”

“Of course, and it was easy!” Twilight lifted her head up with her eyes closed. She had the air of a teacher about her. “If 'n' is not equal to '0', then n x 2 x 5 ÷ n - 7 = 3 and as long as 'n' isn't '0' and is a positive number, n x 3 x 4 x 6 ÷ n + 3 = 75, so that’s how you ‘predicted’ my end result of '3' and '75' no matter what numbers I picked." Twilight opened her eyes and formed a big, proud smile. "I can't believe I didn't see it right away. You had me for a while!”

“Oh?” I asked with a smirk. “I thought you were yapping about it being a ‘trick’?”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “B-but that’s not important. What is important is” -- Twilight pointed at herself with that grin deepening -- “I was right all along!”

Ha, she loves being right about stuff like this. Probably due to a type of ego that being a brainiac apparently gives you, even if Twilight is usually an otherwise humble pony. Not that I would personally know about the “ego due to brains” part.

“Good for you, but while the whole ‘predicting the future’ thing might have been a lie, I did learn to do something else entirely: I could read your mind.”

“Really?” Twilight asked with an annoyed frown. “You’re not done with your games yet?”

“Twilight, if you know me, you should know I’m never done with games, but I just don’t do them all day. Besides, who even said I’m playing games this time?”

She closed her eyes, but stayed silent. What was going on in her head? Would she even let me have round two? Her moment of silence finally ended with a cute smile and chuckle. “Okay, I’ll play along again. What do we have to do for you to read my mind?”

I pushed myself off the couch. It would be a little easier for me to “read” Twilight’s mind while standing up. “For this to work, I’m going to need to have contact with your hooves, so hold up your front hooves.”

Twilight raised the hooves on her forelegs and flapped her wings to hover. Probably better for her that she didn’t stand on her hind legs: the shock of what was coming might have made Twi lose her balance and fall on her flank. Though, that sight would have been HILARIOUS to see!

“How’s this?”

“Perfect. Now, mentally focus on one of those hooves and maintain the focus. While you do, I’m going to feel them and predict which one you’re thinking about. And promise to tell the truth when I get it right.”

“I promise.” Twilight’s smile flipped into a puzzled frown. “But you will have a 50/50 chance of picking the correct hoof. How will this prove you’re ‘reading’ my mind even if you get it right?”

“That’s because we’re going to do it more than once.”

The speed of her wing flaps slightly slowed down. Never noticed if that happened before when Twilight focuses harder while flying or hovering, but it’s not like she flies/hovers all the time for me to pick that up. “Okay, I’m thinking of one of them, so go ahead and read my mind,” Twilight said with a titter, her lips in a big ‘ol smug smile. I wouldn’t call her an "arrogant" pony, but she can be so smug when she really thinks she’s right about something.

How Twilight was showing her inner Trixie would make seeing her lose it that much more fun. Maybe I'll do this on Trixie later. And then maybe on Sunset Shimmer the next time I see her: she might want to try this on the Twilight on the other side of that portal.

Twilight kept her eyes on me as I took a step closer, reached out my hands, and lightly pressed against the hoof on her right foreleg. I did the same with her other foreleg’s hoof and repeated this a few more times. This is normally done by feeling fingers, but since ponies don't have fingers, I had to make do with hooves.

“Now, you’re thinking of --” I pointed at Twilight’s hoof on her right foreleg “-- this one.”

Twilight nodded her head with an amused smile, the smugness in said smile waning to just be a playful one. We’ll see how long it lasts. “That is the one I was thinking of, so you ‘read’ my mind. Hehe.”

“And I know you think I’m somehow faking it, so let’s do it again. Like before, mentally focus on one of those hooves.”

*four mind-reads later*

“You’re thinking of your left hoof.”

Twilight gasped and growled. Yep, that smile of hers from before had gone bye-bye, though she was still hovering over the floor. “I can’t believe it! That’s five times in a row! Are you just that lucky?!”

“Nope, I’m just reading your mind, but guess your memory's messing with you again. Ready to throw in the towel and admit you’re wrong, Princess of Forgetfulness?”

“No! Uh, I mean, you have to be doing something else, because this makes no sense.” Twilight stared at my head, or more like at the hat I was wearing. “Wait, take off your hat. I want to check the top of your head.”

After a snicker -- not the candy bar because I was already "me" -- I took off my hat. A few times, Starlight had cast a special spell on me that temporarily gave me some of her magic and the ability to cast spells. A small “unicorn” horn appears on my head when the spell’s active, so that’s why Twi wanted my hat off, just in case it was there. Should have seen this coming and already had my hat off.

Twilight flew closer to dig into my hair with her hooves. If I did have that horn, it would be obvious, but she wanted to be sure. She even turned me around with her magic to check the back of my head. After a few seconds, she growled, spun me back around to face her again, backed away, and landed to stand on her hooves. “No horn on your head, so Starlight didn’t cast the spell to give you her magic. I don’t think Sunset can--wait, I have an idea. Stay still.”

Twilight’s horn glowed in a deep pink.

I knew whatever she was doing was harmless, but I still couldn’t help but feel uneasy and even leaned back. Despite how I trust her with my life, Twilight Sparkle is still an alicorn, and I’m quite aware of the power difference between myself and alicorns. “Uh, Twilight? What’s with the glowing horn?”

“Just in case Sunset learned how to grant others her mind-reading ability and never told me, I’m scanning to make sure her magic’s not in you.”

Never thought about if Sunset could give others her power to read minds, but I have no idea if she can read minds in her pony form. As far as I know, she never tried. Keep forgetting to ask her that.

After another ten or so seconds of scanning, Twilight's horn stopped glowing. The particularly deep, sharp growl that followed told me what she found out.

“No luck with your little ‘Sunset magic’ scan, huh?” I put my hat back on. A little burst of smugness made me lay across the couch again. ”I usually charge ten bits, but I’ll give you a princess discount and let you try again for only five. You can thank me later.”

“I’ll pass.” Twilight flapped her wings to hover in the air and raised her front hooves. “Still, there must be something else going on, so take my hooves again and I’m already thinking of one. If this really is because of luck, you’ll get it wrong sooner or later.”

"If you insist." I snickered and pushed myself off the couch again. “Reading your mind is fun anyway.”

*seventeen mind-reads later*

“You’re thinking your right hoof.”

Still airborne, Twilight backed away from me with a big ‘ol frown of disbelief. “T-t-this is inconceivable! How in Celestia’s name are you doing this?!”

“Uh...you forgot I’m reading your mind again? Is bad memory something alicorns have to put up with even when they're still young?” I asked with a chuckle at the end.

Twilight swooped toward me and shoved a hoof on my chest. All I could see now was her purple eyes. “No, you’re not, and there’s nothing wrong with my or any other alicorn's memory! This just has to be a trick!”

With her mouth so close to my nose, Twilight’s warm, rotten egg-smelling breath went right up it, making me shudder. She doesn’t have bad breath all the time, but when she does, it stinks. Yuck.

“Okay, one --” I gently pushed the mare away, making her move her hoof off my chest at the same time “-- personal space, Twi. Two, after you wave the white flag, eat some breath mints. Three, you want me to prove I’m reading your mind again? If I do, it will tie the number of questions you asked me during our first night together.”

“I--wait, what’s that about the questions?” Twilight’s scowl vanished, the intensity of the frown dropping.

“I never said anything about it, but when you were asking me questions about my old world before you went to sleep, I counted them in my head, and you asked twenty-three. I just read your mind twenty-two times, so if I do it again, it’ll be twenty-three times.”

Twilight cocked her head and rubbed her neck. “I really asked twenty-three questions back then? I was tired, so I didn’t think I asked that many.”

I huffed out of amusement. “Of course you wouldn’t think that. You’re you.”

That forced an eye roll out of the Princess of Questions. “Very funny, but I’m just going to find some other way to figure out what you are really doing. I will be back!” Twilight grabbed more books from the bookshelves in her magic and ran out of the library, mumbling under her breath.

Like before, once she was gone, I burst out in hearty laughter again. Not often that somepony’s stubbornness can be tapped into for entertainment. Twilight can be very stubborn, and her OCD can take it up to eleven.

I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to figure out how my mind-reading worked, but I knew not to underestimate Twilight’s brainpower. Give her enough time, she'll figure out almost anything. Even if she did, though, I didn’t see her doing it in ten minutes this time, so there would be some time before she came running/teleporting back to me for more.

Then, for round three of the Twi-fun, I’ll do the trickiest trick to her that I know. Even I don’t understand why it works, but it just does...though it doesn't always work.

Author's Note

"Trickiest trick?" How kind of trick can top mind-minding?!

Questions that may or may not be answered in chapter 3 aside, let's see who will be the first to say how Eric's mind-minding worked.

Step 3: Anticipate her words

It’s been about five hours since Twilight got busy learning how I read her mind. I had stepped outside for a while, but now I was in my bedroom in Twilight’s castle, lying on my bed, with a sheet of paper beside me; something was already written down. In case she'd want it off again, my hat was on my dresser this time.

To amuse myself, I was tossing a baseball in the air to play “catch”. Sometimes, I pull a Twilight and read in my room, or do a jigsaw puzzle, but I didn’t feel like it this time.

As for Ms. OCD, I was debating on if I should go and tell Twi my mind-reading secret, or let her keep squirming as she tried to figure it out herself. Starlight and Spike were in their rooms, so they were staying out of my Twi-fun.

Another “AHA!!” echoed throughout the castle. I prepared myself for a certain purple alicorn to teleport to me with another “I told you so”.

A burst of pink magic flashed into existence from outside the open doorway. Of course, Twilight came with it, who shouted, “There you are!” and ran into and across my room, stopping at the side of my bed.

This time, as well as wearing a grin on her face, Twilight's mane and fur were a bit ragged. She must have been really hard at work trying to learn my mind-reading secret. If Twi were Rarity, I would have told her to look in a three-foot-long and one-and-a-half-foot wide mirror that hung on a wall. Even in her current state, she might have appreciated her reflection being "surrounded" by our friends: I have pictures of them hanging on the mirror's edges.

I sat up from my lying position. “You look messy.”

Twilight leaned her face toward me, giggling almost crazily. We were “eye to eye” again, but at least she took my advice and ate some breath mints. Her breath now smelt minty, not like rotten eggs. “Oh, you were gooooood with your ‘mind-reading’ trick, but as I said, it was a trick!” Like the last time she was so close to me, Twilight shoved a hoof to my chest. “Ha!”

“You figured it out, huh?”

“Yep.” Twilight backed away and closed her eyes. She had her lecturing face on again. “I found that ponies subconsciously resist when you push against the hoof they are thinking about. That’s why you kept feeling mine to ‘read’ my mind. You were using mentalism!”

A wave of amazement made my mouth half-drop. It wasn’t that I didn’t think Twi could learn how I read her mind, but how fast she did still stunned me. I would have NEVER figured out how it worked if it wasn’t told to me by Erica, one of my two human big sisters in my old world. She was even the one who taught me these tricks.

“Wow. You are something else, Twi. You might be Equestria's smartest pony, and I’m not joking.”

In all seriousness, I truly do care for and even admire big sis Twilight and she’s the pony I’m the closest with. Thus, it’s not exactly unusual for me to say such heartfelt stuff like that to her.

An adorable, or should I say adorkable, smile curled on Twilight’s lips. Her cheeks glowed red and she crossed the hoof on one of her forelegs over her other foreleg. The latter is something I only see her do when she’s feeling especially bashful. “Well, thank you, but I’m not the smartest pony in Equestria. You’re really smart yourself to come up with these tricks, and if I didn’t know you so well, you really might have had me.”

“Fair enough, but I'll admit that I wasn’t the one that thou--wait.” I pointed at Twilight. I was so blown away at her newest show of brains, I didn’t even wonder about how she figured it out. “How did you find out how my mind-reading trick worked?”

Twilight gasped and uncrossed her forelegs, her cheeks growing brighter and her grin a more nervous one. “Uh…”

“Don’t tell me you ran around Ponyville feeling ponies’ hooves to do it.”

“Nooo,” she answered in a high-pitched voice.

“So what did you do?”

A yellow unicorn mare walked to my doorway. Didn’t pay much attention when I heard her hoofsteps in the hallway: I thought it was Starlight when I first heard 'em.

“Um, Princess Twilight? I’m sorry to disturb you two, but if you are done with your tests, can we all go now? Princess Luna will be raising the moon in another half-hour.”

Of course that’s how she found out. Thought I heard Twilight in the library after I returned to the castle, but I didn’t go close enough to the library to know she had “company” in there.

“You’re not the only one? How many of you did she bring?”

“I’m not sure of the exact number, but I think she asked over a hundred--”

“Uh, yes you all can go and thank you so much for coming,” Twilight said quickly, blushing even more and rubbed the back of her head.

The unicorn trotted down the hallway. Wow. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see Twilight snatching up ponies when I was out! Was I just not where she went, or did she purposely keep what she was up to out of my view?

After a snicker, I commented, “So, instead of testing them in their natural habitat, you chose to bring your test subjects back with you.”

Twilight frowned, her ears drooped, and she sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t make those kinds of jokes. I would never think of my fellow ponies as ‘test subjects’ like that.”

Oops. Overdid it with the jokes this time, making me “draw” little circles on my bed sheet with a finger while feeling a ping in my heart. If my ears were like ponies’ ears, they would have drooped. Messing with Twilight is one thing, but I never want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad. Hate seeing her sad, even more so if I’m the reason. “I’m sorry, Twi. I know you really don’t think that way, so I won’t make ‘test subject’ jokes again.”

Twilight’s ears perked back up and she gave a smile. “It’s okay, and thanks. I knew you were just doing it in fun." She gave a more remorseful frown. "Besides, I really can’t talk too much: I did get out-of-hoof when I was pretending to still be trying to learn why your beard stopped growing back. Again, sorry I overdid it so bad.”

“Well, as you know, those two goofballs for sisters in my old world loved to mess with me, especially Erica, so I had worse when they got carried away. But enough about that.” My smirk returned. “How about, instead of cracking bad jokes, I just predict the future for real?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “Seriously? We’re doing this again? I was fine playing along the first two times, but it’s starting to get annoying.”

Uh-oh. She was running out of patience, but I still had to perform the biggest trick yet!

What now? Maybe appealing to her thirst for knowledge or tapping into her “genius ego” would be effective?

“B-but I thought you never got tired of learning new stuff.”

She said in a less annoyed voice, “It’s not that. I'm just getting--”

I leaned toward her with an even bigger smirk than before. “Or, are you scared that you'll be wrong this time?”

Twilight gasped, her eyes widening. “What?! I’m not scared of being wrong! Being afraid of being incorrect about something is absurd!”

Got her. Twi’s not as bad as Rainbow or Applejack at being unable to back down from challenges, but she can be roped into stuff this way. “Then give me one more chance. If you figure out I’m lying, I’ll lay off for good.”

Twilight tilted her head down and laid a hoof on her cheek. It was a good sign that she went into deep thought. After a few seconds, she gave a sharp sigh, then lifted her head to me. She wasn’t smiling, but her frown didn’t scream “no” at least. “Fine. I’ll play along again, but this will be the last time. But first…”

Twilight’s horn glowed. A second later, a pile of ten books popped out of nowhere and dropped behind her.

I pointed at the books. “What are those for?”

“In case you’re about to use it again, these are books I found that contain every known mentalism technique. I had read about it a couple of times, but I never saw ponies use mentalism before, so it took me a while to even consider the possibility." After a sigh, Twilight added, "Now, let’s get your ‘prediction’ over with. I still need to start on writing a checklist of what’s needed to make two checklists for the three checklists of my tasks for next month.”

No comment on the “checklist-ception”. But, I'm kinda surprised Princess Celestia never did stuff like this to Twilight at least once. She’s no Discord and I hadn’t seen it much, but Celestia can be a bit of a troll.

At any rate, time for round three of Twi-fun! Let’s see if Equestria had learned how my best trick works. If not, those books of Twilight's would be useless.

“Okay, but I have a feeling you're not going to be writing those checklists anytime soon. Now, what’s 1+1?”

“2.”

“What’s 2+2?”

“4.”

“4+4?”

“8.”

“8+8?”

“16.”

“Quick, name a vegetable!” I demanded in a raised voice.

“Uh, carrot.”

I pointed at the paper still beside me. “Now, take a look at the paper. I wrote something before you got here.”

Twilight picked up the paper with her magic and pulled it to her face. Like with the first prediction trick, her wings spread out and her eyes grew. "WHAT?! Okay, this has got to be...wait.” Twilight facehoofed. “What in Celestia's name am I doing?”

Twilight folded her wings and spun around to her books. She laid the paper I wrote "carrot" on beside her on the floor, then she opened two of her books at once with her magic, flipped their pages quickly while muttering to herself, and repeated it with the other books. This went on for about fifteen minutes or so.

As she read, I lay on my bed while playing "catch" with myself with my baseball. With how fast she was blowing through her books, I knew the wait wouldn’t last too long.

After Twi finished the last book and set it with the others, now in two stacks, she stared at me with her mouth wide-open. It was a glorious sight. Why are there never cameras nearby when I need them?

I set my baseball beside me and sat up while giggling to myself. “So, are you about to admit you’re wrong about this for once?”

“T-t-this can’t be. Nothing in my books about mentalism has anything about what you did! There really is no way you could have known I would say ‘carrot’ from asking elementary math questions! Unless…” Her horn glowed brighter and her gaze at the "carrot paper" on the floor grew stronger as she picked it up. After a few seconds, she growled, tore that paper in half, and threw it in a trash can. The fact that even the weaker unicorns, let alone a FAR stronger alicorn, can rip things so easily with their magic is almost a little scary.

I lay on my bed again, stretched my arms, and yawned. Didn’t yawn from boredom, just from the stretching. “Let me guess: you thought some spell was cast on it?’

“Yes, but my scan detected no trace of magic. How could you be...of course!” Twilight smiled, but this was a creepy smile. “I know what’s going on now!”

“You do?”

“Yes! I don't know how, but Discord’s behind this, isn’t he?” Twilight ran up to my bed, her creepy grin growing bigger. My body moved to sit up on its own, but Twilight's glowing horn told me why it happened. “In fact, are you Discord pretending to be Eric? Well, tough luck, Discord, because I know it's you! I should have known he got your help with this!”

This was almost getting sad. Then again, this is something that troll would do to her.

“Uh, if I were him, Princess of Suspiciousness, I’d be snapping my fingers to do what I’m doing, but have you seen me do that?”

Twi stepped back, her crazed smile waning into a baffled frown. “Well...no, but I--”

“And isn’t he supposed to be having an evening tea party with Fluttershy right now? Even I know he NEVER misses them.”

“Good point, but…then, how are you doing this? I still don't know too much about humans, so is it a special human ability that you never told me about?” From her calm voice and lack of stress in her eyes and frown, it seemed Twi was ready to call it quits and believe I was predicting the future.

“You really want to know?”

“Yes, tell me!” she answered, now with a big smile.

I looked at my window to make sure no one was looking through it. Not that anypony usually does. “Can you promise to keep my secret just between us, brother to sister?”

“I promise.”

“Okay, then I’ll tell you.” I motioned Twilight with my hand to come closer, which she did with big, curious eyes.

Once she was right beside my bed, I leaned my head toward one of her ears and whispered, “Here’s what I’m doing.”

I took another look around. Twilight didn’t move a muscle and wasn’t even blinking. She was actually holding her breath from the anticipation because her chest stopped expanding and contracting.

“Twilight...it’s a secret.”

Ha! Got her! I fell backward to lay on my bed again and laughed my head off.

As for Twilight, the sounds from her mouth weren't laughter, but screams of frustration. “Fine, don’t tell me, I’ll just figure it out on my own! Your big sis did it the other two times, and she’s going to do it again! Just you wait!”

Twilight gave a crazed laugh as she ran out of my room with her books on mentalism in her magic. I kept laughing for a while before I finally calmed down.

I stared at my open doorway and muttered, “Love that mare. Heh heh. Love that mare.”

The Twi-fun was even more fun than I thought it would be! I wondered about letting Twilight lose it a little first, but I chose to go after her to tell how my prediction worked. If I left her alone, with Twilight’s OCD and incredibly powerful magic, things could end badly. Even going as far as I did with her was a little risky.

Kids, don’t troll neurotic alicorns at home, or anywhere, unless you KNOW them. Not even the friendly, adorkable ones.

Oh, and why did Twilight say “carrot”? I have no idea why, but if you ask someone to quickly say a vegetable after you ask them the math questions I asked Twilight, many will respond with “carrot”. Because there was a chance Twilight might not have said carrot, I was taking a chance with this trick. It also seems like ponies don’t even know about this, so I truly needed to tell Twilight the secret. No Equestrian book would help her.

Since she'd put her hoof down about this being the last time she’d play along, there would be no attempts at round four of Twi-fun. Twilight -- and even I -- have had enough.

Author's Note

The (as Eric called it) "Twi-fun" is now over. Watching bookhorse lose it was fun, no pun intended.

Final step: Actually, leave it to the professionals

The next day, after I woke up and stretched my arms out and gave a good, long satisfied yawn, I left my bedroom and went toward the kitchen. Spike was likely cooking breakfast or was already done making it. Glad I didn't need a special spell cast on me the previous night: it's a LONG story, but it had nothing to do with Twilight losing it during Twi-fun.

However, when I was walking down the castle's hallways while wiping my eyes a little, I heard voices coming from the library, but they were too faint to make out. I told Twilight the secret to my "carrot" trick before we went to sleep, so it couldn't be her still trying to figure it out on some random ponies...right?

I went to the nearest door to the library, peeked in...and groaned at the sight.

What was I gonna do with that crazy mare?

Starlight Glimmer, Spike, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and even Sunset Shimmer were all beside each other in a line. They had green helmets with a bunch of small glowing, blinking lights on their heads; a ninth helmet lay on the floor beside Sunset, who stood on one of the ends of the line. Green cords connected the helmets to some large machine that was in the middle of the library. Some paper with wavy red lines were coming out of that thing. The paper and red lines reminded me of brain waves on an EEG.

And as for that crazy mare, Twilight was sitting on a chair in front of the gang, holding a sheet of paper and a quill in her magic.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you all a series of questions again. Just like before, answer with the very first thing that comes to mind.”

I stepped into the library and asked, “Twilight? Guys? What’s going on here? What's with the glowing hats?”

Twi turned her head toward me with a big smile. At least it wasn’t a crazy one this time, but an excited one. “Hi, Buggie, I’m glad you’re up. Could you come over here and place the helmet on your head that's beside Sunset? I want to ask you all some questions and see if I can figure out why most say ‘carrot’ when you ask them to name a vegetable, and why others don’t."

I facepalmed. What have I done? Kids, seriously, don’t troll neurotic alicorns if you’re not a professional, which even I’m not.

"This is a fascinating phenomenon that I don’t think Equestria knows about.” Twilight's smile grew bigger. “This is so exciting! Just think of the possibilities that learning about this unheard-of type of mentalism can have on Equestria’s overall knowledge of the subject. For that matter, the impact on psychology in general! Learning the secret might even win me a Nobel Prize!” She let out a high-pitched "squee". At least she'd get some adorkable points.

Of course, the rest of us were NOT in the mood to do a squee and I've never done it anyway. Most of our friends glared at me with scowls; Fluttershy wasn’t scowling, but just had a confused frown.

“So, Eric, I heard you taught Twilight a new trick,” Rarity said in a low tone.

“Maybe?” I felt the edges of my cheeks curling into a big 'ol sheepish grin. Even if she’s calm, Rarity can be pretty scary when she’s mad at you. Or mad period.

"I knew Spike and I should have talked you out of your plan to mess with Twilight yesterday," Starlight said.

"As Twilight's #1 assistant, I should have seen this coming."

Rainbow pointed a hoof at me. “When Twilight lets me go, Eric, I’m getting you for this. She barely gave me time to eat breakfast!”

“I had to settle for an apple for breakfast before Twilight dragged me here from my farm. Ya should’ve seen how bad she was beggin’!”

“I barely had a chance to feed Angel his breakfast,” Fluttershy said, but at least she didn’t sound mad, just confused. Good thing, because I did not want to find out how it feels to face “The Stare”.

“Twi got you too, Sunset?" I asked. "Don’t tell me she ran through the portal and dragged you here!”

Sunset shook her head. “She didn’t. When I woke up, I saw that she left a message in our journal saying ‘Sunset, come to Equestria as fast as you can!’ and I did. Next thing I know” -- Sunset pointed at her helmet -- ”I had this on my head."

I growled and my eyes locked on Twilight. This was getting ridiculous. “Twilight, can you knock it off and let them go?”

“But--”

“No ‘buts’! I’m serious, Twilight Sparkle! Cut it out before you start losing it again!”

"Yeah, what Eric said!" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight‘s ears drooped and she looked toward the floor. It’s not too often I get so serious with her, but still being a bit sleepy will make you less tolerant of stuff like this. I'll also admit that it can feel a tad weird trying to give a princess orders, even if I’m usually not too aware that Twilight is a princess. I look at her as my best friend/Equestrian big sister anyway.

The rest of the gang stared at Twilight with scowls, but they stayed quiet.

Twilight lifted her head to turn it to me again and give a deep sigh. Was she actually going to drop this silly plan?

“How about this: I’ll take anyone that helps me with my tests for an hour to ‘Hay & Shake’ for dinner tonight. My treat.”

I looked toward the others. They had stopped scowling when Twilight made her proposal, so we all simply stared at one another, then turned back to Twilight.

“I’m in,” Rainbow said.

“Me too," Spike said.

Pinkie bounced in place. "Me three!"

“Today isn't a school day, so I'll stick around. The girls won't worry that something happened to me if I don't stay here too long."

The others all agreed to let Twilight do her thing. Don't blame them.

I walked beside Sunset to join the line, picked up the helmet beside her, and put it on. “I’m game too, so let's get this over with, Twi. Just don't forget that you said this won't last longer than an hour.”

"I won't, I promise."

Hey, for a free dinner on Twilight’s dime, or bit, I can answer some questions. Hay & Stake has some delicious food, but is a little on the pricey side.

In fact, after our dinner, I think Twilight's going to be low on bits for a while. Safe to say that she'll pay for this, but literally.

Author's Note

I accidentally published the third chapter before it was proofread and had to unpublish it for a couple of days, so I decided to write this chapter as both a bonus and to ensure the story would appear on the homepage again. I wasn't planning to do this one.

On a different note, Twilight got really carried away in "Alicorns and Beards" and never got a comeuppance. That story also didn't have one of my better twists at the end. For that reason, this story was a way to give Twilight what she had coming to her, but not in a mean-spirited way, but still be its own story.

One last thing: Are there any other mind tricks like the ones in this story that you know about?