You Are Cordially Invited
“Ah gonna have ta stop ya right there.” Applejack interrupted, rubbing the side of her head. “Maybe it’s because it’s been a long day buckin’ a good chunk of the orchard or that the ride over has gotten ta me. But ya wanna do… what again?”
Princess Twilight cleared her throat. “I know it sounds... unconventional.”
“Ya think!” Rainbow burst over the table. “We came all the way here because we thought you wanted to talk about the whole being an immortal thing. Not… whatever this is!”
Twilight nodded as she got up from behind the table. She began to walk around each of her friends, including Starlight Glimmer who, like the rest, wore a perplexed expression. “I admit,” she began, “if somepony told me a year ago that I would be asking my friends to hold a funeral - well, my funeral - I’d probably try to find the nearest mental hospital for that pony to be checked into. But the more I thought about this, the more I thought it would be unfair for the rest of you if I didn’t.”
“Darling,” Rarity spoke up. “I don’t…” after reflecting on what exactly to say, she began again. “Twilight, dear, when you sent us for a meeting talking about your immortality, we were prepared to console you. I mean, none of us would blame you for questioning our friendship over the fact that you will outlive, let’s face it… everyone. Yet, you want us to put on your funeral is uh… strange to put it politely.”
“Ta be fair,” Applejack said, “it still wouldn’t make a lick of sense either. Ah mean… you don’t hold a funeral fer someone that’s still alive, right?”
“But I’m not doing this for me,” Twilight told them. “If anything, I’m doing this for all of you girls. One day I will go to your funerals but none of you will ever get to see mine. So I figured that maybe I should temporarily drop dead (so to speak) so you all can have the experience.”
Starlight felt a migraine was coming on. “Celestia help us,” she muttered under her breath, “the ruler of Equestria is a freaking weirdo.” Clearing her throat to get the Princess’s attention, she said, “Twilight… let’s pretend for a moment that we all agreed to do this. Let’s say that we set a day aside where you lay in your coffin, us dressing in black and all that. How exactly would this be done?”
“Applejack would take care of the food. Rarity would create a gown for me to wear while I’m laying in my coffin. Rainbow Dash will get the coffin… maybe I should get Spike in on that as well now that I think of it. Pinkie will decorate. Fluttershy will arrange the music. And Starlight will host the funeral. Oh! And find a spell that would make me look dead.”
“You know, I don’t know what’s worse,” Rainbow said, “the fact that you want to do this, or that you’ve already planned it out.”
“Hey, I don’t find it concerning.” Pinkie spoke up, already drawing up plans with her bubblegum mane.“I mean, I planned for all our funerals anyway. Only I had to throw out Twilight’s the day she became an alicorn, too bad I didn’t expect that she would want to have one. So now I have to plan it all out from scratch again, but you know what? If Twilight wants to give it a go, then let’s do it!”
“You... planned for our funerals?” Fluttershy quietly asked as everypony stared at Pinkie.
“Funerals. Weddings. Baby showers. Swinger Parties. I can go on, but I planned them all.” She shrugged. “Sure, they take forever but they’re always worth it once you put them into action.”
Starlight opened her mouth but wisely decided best not to ask.
“Anyways…” Applejack decided to change the subject. “So fer this mock funeral thing, Ah do have one question.”
“What’s that?” Twilight inquired.
“Will ya still be… ya know, be awake throughout the whole thing? Like yer gonna make a commentary on how this shindig is goin’?”
“That’s a funny thought,” Pinkie giggled. “Have the corpse complain about how badly the funeral is going to the point it motivates it that life is worth it after all.”
Ignoring that, Twilight thought it over for a moment. “I’m not sure yet, but preferably not. I mean, if you’re going to have a funeral, would you prefer if the deceased is… deceased?”
“Now there’s a creepy thought.” Fluttershy agreed.
Rainbow raised a hoof. “Yes?” Twilight answered.
“So for your coffin? What do you want it to be made out of? Wood? Metal? Stone? Crystal? Glass? Clouds? Or what?”
“I have thought about this, and if you don’t mind, I want to be buried in a book fort.”
“Sure I can always…” Rainbow blinked. “What was that?”
“Books.” Twilight clarified, “I want to be buried in books.”
Rainbow deadpanned. “Somehow, I should have seen that coming.”
“Huh.” Pinkie hummed in thought. “So would that mean that you want your funeral at a library?”
“You can do that?”
“Not what I usually do, but, if it’s your funeral, I can always find a place that’s willing to do it.” She frowned, “Of course, we might have to deal with libraries trying to shush the mourners.”
“Well…” Twilight thought it over for a moment. “Suppose we can have the wake at Canterlot’s library and the funeral itself in the ballroom. That way, I can rest in a book fort there, and you can have the funeral of your design here.”
Around the table, Twilight heard a collective, confusing sound of agreements. Heads nodded and her friends all saw this as a reasonable arrangement. She smiled.
“Just one thing I do have to ask,” Starlight raised a hoof, “ideally, this whole funeral thing, do you want it to just be us to be there, or do you want others to get involved?”
“Well, I just want this to be for you girls. However,” she added thoughtfully, “I suppose we should invite Cadence, Shining, Mom and Dad, and probably Celestia and Luna. If you’re going to have a funeral, might as well have your loved ones be nearby.”
“I’m right on top of it,” Pinkie saluted while her tail was writing out the invitations.
“.... No. No. No. Nope. Definitely not it. No. Nah-ah. Nope.”
Inside a funeral parlor before a grim-looking, thin-suited stallion pale unicorn waited on his newest clients. Rainbow Dash and Spike flipped through a thick catalog of coffins. Neither of them was satisfied with what they were looking at. Page after page of what seemed like the same variation of a casket that was made up of different from wood to stone, what color the coffins were from white to plaid; yet, the shape seemed interchangeable for all it was nothing but a box and a lid on it. Some pages of the catalog they could swear that they must have printed the same casket twice by mistake.
“Is something the matter with the choice of coffins?” the stallion behind the wooden counter inquired.
Rainbow shut the book. “None of these are what we’re looking for.”
He frowned. “Have you considered cremation?”
“We’re not doing that,” Spike said sternly. “Are you sure that’s all the choices we have?”
“I assure you, here at Sarcophagus and Sons, we craft the most diverse forms of burial in Canterlot. We could do a custom casket, however, it would take some time to complete depending on the circumstances.”
“How long does the custom take?”
“That depends. Usually around… a month or six.”
“But that’s not going to work.” Rainbow shook her head. “Do you guys have… I don’t know, a cardboard box to bury her in?”
The stallion hummed in thought. “We do have a rental casket that is made out of cardboard.”
Spike, upon hearing this raised an eyebrow. “Rental?”
“Sometimes when families are on a budget, they would rent a casket for the deceased. Usually, it functions something like a matchbox where you slide the lid over. Have them temporarily rest there before putting them into a crematorium.”
“But the box itself is for rent?”
“Indeed.”
“So… who brought it back?”
The stallion behind the counter’s eye twitched but didn’t say anything.
“I think that might work,” Rainbow said.
“The cardboard box?” Spike asked. “I mean… would it?”
“Yeah. If it’s made out of cardboard, and Twilight wants to be buried in her book fort, all we have to do is-”
“I-I’m sorry, what?” The stallion snapped back into reality. “What did you say?”
“It’s for Twilight.” Rainbow waved a dismissive hoof. “If we have to slum it, we could just borrow the books from the library and put the books on top of the casket. That might work with what she would want, right?”
“I…” he blinked. “Are you telling me that you came in here because Princess Twilight-”
“Is going to have a funeral?” Spike answered his question. “Yeah, something like that. Why?”
“Well…” he shook his head. “Nevermind. Perhaps now that I know who this is for that you should turn your trust over to me. After all, if this is for Princess Twilight, I will be sure to do everything I can to craft out the best quality coffin for her.”
“But you said it’ll take you forever for a custom.” Rainbow pointed out. “Besides, she wanted to be buried in books.”
“Hmm,” the stallion touched his chin before smiling, “Ah I see. I believe this will help.” He turned around and summoned another book before showing it to Spike and Rainbow. “We normally only do this for more wealthy ponies, since they can afford it. However, this being for Princess Twilight, I think she deserves to rest in a proper place.”
“What is it?” Rainbow Dash asked, leaning forward to read the cover. “Tombs? Like for mummies?”
“Somewhat,” the stallion said as he flipped the page until he found what he was looking for. “However, think these as a modern version of that. For example…” It was a big round dome-like structure that looked like a combination of a library and a church due to all the angel pony statues and carved walls made to look like bookshelves. Complete with engravings of books into the stone. “This right here was a tomb designed for scholars of renown. Think of professors, historians, and the like. We can take this and have some of her favorite books placed on the outer walls and in the inner chamber while decorating other parts to honor her life and death.”
“Sounds better than being buried in books or a cardboard box,” Spike said, rolling his eyes at Rainbow. “Maybe what I’m going to say might be asking too much, but is it possible for you guys to get it done in a week? The wake itself is in five days but the funeral is two days after.”
“Being such a high priority, I can get it done in four. I know a few masons who owe me favors. So don’t fret, I’ll see to it to fulfill Her Highness’s wishes. The casket itself can be done in two days, I just need to know what should be. Things like structure, color, decorations, design, and such.”
“Sweet!” Rainbow grinned. “This is gonna be easier than I thought it would be.”
After Rainbow and Spike gave the details of the tomb and casket, they promised to be back with the payment before they left. Alone in the shop, the stallion departed from the counter toward the backroom. “Mass Grave!” he called out, “Come out here, you’re not going to believe who just died!”
“Okay so which do you want to hear first? The good or the bad news?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “The good I guess?”
Starlight sat the book down in front of her. Over the past two hours, the two of them combed through every medical book in Celestia’s old study that they could find. After scanning through from spellbooks to herbal medicine, the unicorn finally found something.
“So the good news is that I found something. It’s plant-based, and it requires the use of a mixture of flowers and a good pound of grass - but it will put you in such a deep sleep, and slow your heart so much that to the untrained eye, you’d appear as dead as a coffin nail.”
“That’s perfect!” Twilight said excitedly, taking a look through the pages that Starlight found. “So what’s the bad news?”
“From what I could find, once you’ve taken it, you’d be out for a good… several days. Which means that you’d be completely unconscious throughout the whole thing. So you wouldn’t know what anyone at your funeral will say or do until after the fact.”
“And when you say ‘several days,’ how long is that?”
“It says on average, ten - give or take a few days depending on how much you eat it beforehoof.”
Twilight went quiet as she studied through the information about the sleeping mixture. She took a moment to go through it before saying, “While it would be the most effective, it’d be disappointing that I wouldn’t get to know what happens during that time.”
“I’ll make sure that we will tell you everything that happens. Maybe I should get some recording devices so that all the speeches during your funeral will eventually reach your ears. But I have to see what I can get my hooves on first.”
She smiled, but a thought came to her. “Now that I think of it, should I have the rest of Equestria be informed that I’m having a mock funeral? I don’t want the country to be upset by something that they would misunderstand. Or worst yet, to have our allies have a heart attack if they think I’ve just died.”
“How about this?” Starlight suggested. “We’ll just spread the word that you’re taking some time off from work. Of course, everyone you want at the funeral will have an idea of what’s happening and hopefully, the rest of Equestria will be none the wiser.”
“Sounds like a plan. Tomorrow I will take what’s in this book, go to sleep, and then we can start with the funeral.” She paused for a moment, tapping her chin. “Yet… somehow I feel like I’m forgetting a very important step here. Only I don’t quite know it is.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Starlight waved a hoof. “What could go wrong?”
“Sister! Wake up!”
Luna didn’t want to.
“Sister!” Celestia burst into the dark bedroom. “Luna, get up! Something has happened!”
“Can it wait?” She moaned underneath the hill of pillows. Unfortunately, this reply was answered with her being pulled by the tail and flopping onto the floor. “Cel, what do you think you’re do-”
“Read this,” a newspaper was shoved in her face before Luna could register what she was looking at. It took her a moment, blinking to adjust her eyes to a picture of Twilight and a headline that didn’t process at first. However, the picture she did recognize first. It was of Twilight, eyes closed and lying down in a casket with flowers surrounding her. But when her brain registered the words of the headline, she did a triple take.
PRINCESS TWILIGHT DEAD - REST IN PEACE
Canterlot, Equestria.
What might be one of the shortest reigns in history, Princess Twilight of Equestria has died. The twenty-six-year-old Princess of Friendship has suddenly and unexpectedly passed away on the 18th with her friends making preparations for the funeral for the 23rd this month. It is unknown how exactly the late Princess has died for those close to her have refused to comment. Fortunately, assassination can be ruled out as no other nation in the world has taken credit nor declared war on Equestria… Yet. So speculation is that she passed away from an accident or of natural causes despite all common sense knowledge about Alicorns.
Currently, rumors about how exactly the Princess passed away have been circulating. According to one, it was the revenge of Prince Blueblood for being forgotten that he was around and to this, no one cares. Another says that she came down with a serious case of food poisoning from a plate of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Others say that she simply exploded after reading a cursed book found in Princess Celestia’s secret library. Or perhaps the inexperience of being a newly crowned princess has overwhelmed her so much that she decided to simply jump off the nearest waterfall.
(It should be noted that last rumor is unlikely because she does have experience with this sort of thing and that a Princess, in fact, has wings.)
(See Page 3 for Twilight)
Luna looked up between it and her almost tear-breaking sister who was on the edge of having a mental breakdown. “Is this a joke?”
Celestia, with a sad look on her face, shook her head slowly. “I thought this wouldn’t happen. I could have sworn that it wouldn’t.”
“Wait, I thought you cast the spell on her, didn’t you? Not just adding the wings but her immortality as well.” There was a very uncomfortable pause. “You… did cast the immortality spell on her too… right?”
“Uh…”
“Sister?” Luna asked in a serious tone, narrowing her eyes. “If you did, we would not be hearing about Twilight’s passing. That spell should have at least kept her alive from all dangers save for magic powerful enough to break the spell or ignore it.”
“I… I thought I did. I could have sworn I did. Or was it the eternal youth one? I can’t remember.”
“What do you mean you can’t remember!”
“All I can recall was that I made her an Alicorn, but looking back now with how complex it was to set that spell up, I don’t know for certain if I got everything down.” Celestia sighed before lowering her head. “Regardless if it's my fault or not, it doesn’t change the fact that Twilight is...gone.”
“Are you sure?” Luna asked, biting her lip. “Perhaps this is a plot to fake her death to avoid the attack of an enemy? Or the press desperately wanting us back on the throne? Or fake news?”
“No, I contacted those I know back in Canterlot. My old Butler claims to have seen Pinkie Pie decorating the ballroom for the funeral. Even the Head Librarian says the Royal Library is being rented out for the wake. I’m afraid Twilight Sparkle is dead.”
Neither of them said anything at first. Luna got up, the newspaper in her aura to read the rest of the article. “So… What do we do now?”
“First we go back to Canterlot for the funeral. Then try to figure out how to stabilize the country since we’ve removed ourselves from power. Hopefully, we could find someone at the last minute that’s decent enough to replace her. If not, then we could step up and fill that position again. For now…” She sighed, “We should get ready to go.”
“Fine…” Luna looked at the photo on the front page. “None of this makes sense. How could she die? What happened to her?”
“Knowing my former student,” Celestia said, “she might be the very few ponies in history to work herself to death by paperwork.”
Luna blinked. “Is that even possible?”
“Have you seen our bureaucracy? When I left, my office had enough paper for an entire rainforest. And given the work ethic of Twilight… The poor dear must have died from exhaustion. That, or a mountain of paper had tipped over and crushed her.”
With a dismissive snort, Luna shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. She probably died from an experiment.”
“What makes you say that?”
“This is Twilight we’re talking about. I’ve seen her dreams where even when asleep she’s still working on how to turn the universe into cheese because… science. Chances are, she found out a theory of sorts, decided to see if it even worked and before she knew it, the experiment ended up biting her on the flank. Who knows, perhaps literally. Maybe there’s a monster on the loose for all we know.”
Celestia shook her head. “I don’t think so. Twilight’s no Dr. Frankenstallion. Trust me, she tried. So I still say she died from paperwork.”
“Too boring. I still say it was from an experiment.”
“Boring for being realistic…?” She groaned. “You know what? Forget it, I need some wine.”
“Why? It’s nine in the morning.”
“My apprentice just died and now I’m in mourning, Luna! I think I’m entitled to drink!”
“So how many are supposed to be at this wake again?”
Starlight didn’t answer Pinkie’s question because obviously, something had gone terribly wrong.
Not that Twilight had “died.” Far from it, she took the sleeping mixture before she went to bed and since then, ponies - even doctors - have mistaken her for a corpse.
Nor was something wrong with the Wake. The Royal Library in Canterlot allowed a space to honor the memory of their favorite avid reader. Her casket was placed where (ironically enough) fiction met non-fiction, and there was still room enough for ponies to roam about. Nor was there anything wrong with the choice of casket, even Twilight before she took her medicine thought it was perfect.
It went without saying that there wasn’t a problem with the hibernating Twilight either. If anything, for a “corpse,” she looked remarkably well with the makeup and dress on. Rarity herself thought that her funerary dress was a masterpiece in its own right. It was like a simplified wedding dress in white with a yellow sash that wrapped around her waist. Her mane and face were touched up with light makeup and flowers. It was tasteful with the right amount of dark eyeshadow, trimmed eyelashes, a glossy clear lipstick over her smiling lips. In her hooves, she held a white lily. Parts of her tail stuck out underneath the gown, but what little that did showed small pieces of diamond mane clippers attached. The casket itself too fitted what she wanted in that it resembled a book with the cover of the lid had the words: The Death of Twilight Sparkle.
In regards to the Wake itself, the set up had nothing wrong with it.
The problem, however, laid with the rivers of lines of ponies that came from every direction to see her. Even the library was overwhelmed by those that weren’t there just to read - much to the annoyance of the librarians. Sure, they anticipated a few guests here and there. Twilight’s family was here, along with her other friends and acquaintances. However, it was as if someone invited the entire universe to crowd into once space.
Especially the characters that they didn’t want to come in the first place.
“Oh, this is such a tragedy!” Discord wailed. Unlike most of the attendants who dropped by, he made his entrance by opening up an interdimensional portal (complete with eldritch abominations sticking out from the corners) between the Mystery and Horror sections of the library. The Draconiquus entered in with a costume that was something between a priest and a clown - complete with the tearstained black-and-white makeup. “How could such a thing happen? Who am I going to inconvenience now by turning their library into lightbulbs?” He grabbed Fluttershy - who was nearby - by the shoulders. “Please tell me this isn’t true? That our beloved Twilight is just hibernating and this is all just a giant prank?”
“Uh…” Fluttershy didn’t exactly know how to answer that question, being in front of so many tear-filled ponies.
“No! Don’t tell me!” Discord wailed, with rivers of huckleberry soda running down his face. “If this is all true, then at least give me the chance to say goodbye.”
“Well… Nopony is going to stop you.” Fluttershy pointed out.
So now turning to the “corpse” in the coffin, Discord ran a talon along the lid down to Twilight’s cheek. He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Between you and me, the book casket is a nice touch. And to the readers, this may seem a bit meanspirited, but you know what? I’m going to give you a pass on this for creativity’s sake. So when you wake up, remind me to ring me up the next time you decide to give the whole world a heart attack because that’s my job.” Suddenly standing straight up and crying again, Discord cried out: “Oh woe is me!” before running through another portal that opened up on the floor.
A minute later, whispers were heard in the library as a figure made his way through the crowd towards the book casket. If anything, given this pony’s history with Twilight, it was a bit of a surprise that he showed at all. Even Starlight frowned at the sight. “What are you doing here?”
“Is it wrong to come to pay my last respects?” Asked Neighsay. “Look, if you are still mad at me for what I’ve done in the past, I don’t blame you. However, I do have the right to at least bid the late Princess farewell. So would you at least allow me that?”
Starlight didn’t say much but gave him a cold glare. “Make it quick.”
He thanked her as he approached the open coffin. “If you can hear me, Princess, chances are you probably don’t want to but… All I ask is for you to at least hear me out. After all, you might be delighted to know that I’ve been fired recently. Yes, as of this moment I’m jobless because it turns out, my old short-sighted policies about keeping schools segregated between ponies and creatures have come back to bite on the flank. So while I’m out here trying to figure out how to move on from here, I could at least hope that maybe somewhere you’re having a much better time than I am. So goodbye, Princess Twilight, I’ll be sure to get extra drunk in your honor later tonight.” He then added under his breath, “And perhaps get hit by a bus if I’m lucky.” With that, he turned around and left.
However, there were those that most ponies did expect to be there. Among them where Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, their daughter, and Twilight’s parents. The five of them came in together, each of them dressed in black with a gloomy expression (except for Flurry Heart as she was busy munching on a toy). At first, when they got to the body, none of them said a word. That was until Twilight Velvet, with a hint of bitterness in her voice spoke aloud.
“She’s an Alicorn now, they said. You don’t have to worry about her dying, they said.”
“Hon,” Night Light turned to his wife, “not here.”
“Sorry, it’s just…” She sniffed. “I still can’t believe it.”
“We know,” Cadence said. “Even just looking at her, it’s still a lot to take in.”
“Tell me about it,” Shining agreed. “She looks like she just fell asleep then...” He tilted his head. “Am I the only one that thinks this looks a little wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, why are her forelegs down like that? Shouldn’t her hooves be closer to her heart?” He asked as his horn lit up, moving them and the flower up. “No… Maybe have her hoof be like…” he moved the legs about so that only one hoof was up at her heart and the other at her side.
“No, first of all,” Velvet moved her son aside and lit up her horn. “That doesn’t look right. It’s like she’s slouching. They should move her like this.” She pulled the body up to where the head rested on the rim of the casket.
“Maybe she should be on her side?” Night Light turned his daughter’s “corpse” over, but he accidentally pulled it too much to share the body almost fell out. Twilight’s face hit the floor, leaving only her flank in the air on the rim of the casket.
“Night!” Velvet scolded as she, Shining, and Cadence tried to get her back into the coffin. “Oof, Twilight, what were you eating to be this heavy?” She asked as they struggled to get her back in. Night lent a hoof into this effort, but the best the family could do was to get the body to lay face down as the wings suddenly unfolded about - much to the shock and horror of those nearby.
“Oi!” Starlight Glimmer, just noticing what was happening rushed over and lifted the body up in the air. She took a moment to breathe before saying, “I know you’re her family, but could you please not - oh I don’t know - toss her about like a ragdoll?” Using her magic to flip her back over and back in the original position, she didn’t notice how the well-embarrassed family decided that now would be the right opportunity to make their escape.
About twenty minutes later, another group came into the library. Six young creatures, an Earth Pony, a Griffon, a Dragoness, a Hippogriff, a Changeling, and a Yak approached the casket. However, each of them stopped suddenly and looked at one another. As if wondering who among them was going to go first.
“So…” Silverstream turned to her friends. “Do we do this at the same time or…?”
“I’d say individually,” Gallus said, he glanced at each of them. “But who wants to go first?”
For a moment, none of them made a move until the Yak stepped forward. Going up to the face of someone who used to be the Headmare of their school, she said: “Hello Headmare Twilight… though not anymore. This Yona. Sorry to hear the former teacher and Headmare died. Yona has come with traditional Yak farewell song.”
Taking a moment to clear her throat, she sucked in with a deep breath and let out something that most ponies in the library wouldn’t call a song. What they heard before dropping to the ground to cover their ears was a loud, wavering wail. In a manner that Yoko Ohno would approve of. The kind that many were amazed didn’t break any of the windows over.
Mercifully it didn’t last too long as the Dragoness pulled her by the tail away from the coffin. “I think Twilight probably heard it.” She said, her friend giving a sad nod. Now that it was her turn, Smolder turned to the casket. Scanning for a second and licking her lips, she reached down towards Twilight’s tail to pluck the diamonds as one would with berries and began to pop them into her mouth. She stopped when one of her friends cleared their throats. “What?” She asked, “It’s not like she’s gonna be using them anyway.”
“Maybe I should go next,” Silverstream said, and after Smolder got through with some light graverobbing, the Hippogriff approached the coffin. “Uh… Hey Hea- I mean, Princess Twilight. I’ve come on behalf of my aunt, Queen Novo, who said that she’s sorry for not being able to come. There’s been a family emergency, you see, so I’ve come here to at least give you a parting gift before they take you away.” She then gave a loud whistle with her talons, and those who were in the library witnessed Hippogriff after Hippogriff barring a bouquet.
This was indeed a nice gesture. However, they quickly noticed that it didn’t stop with one or two being placed near the coffin. They brought in tens, then hundreds, more and more, and more they came with flowers of every shape, size, and description. Roses, sunflowers, forget-me-nots, lavender branches, tulips, birds of paradise, a pine tree, seaweed that was still dripping of saltwater, a bush, a coconut tree, more and more plants were brought in.
It got to the point where Starlight had to step in. “Silver,” she said, “this is very kind of you, but we still have to move on and I think that’s more than enough flowers.”
“Huh?” She looked between her and the parade of Hippogriffs. “But she’s not completely buried in it yet.”
“We’ll take care of that later. For now, could you let your friends say their farewells?”
Silverstream called off the parade.
The next one that approached Twilight was Ocellus. She looked at the unique shape of the coffin, the gown, and the flowers that laid about. Looking over her shoulder, she commented, “To tell you all the truth,” she said, “this is the first funeral I’ve been to.”
“Really?” The pony, Sandbar asked.
“It’s just we Changelings don’t normally have funerals, if at all. But looking around… is it weird to say that I’m a little jealous?”
Smolder raised an eyebrow. “You’re jealous of a dead body having a funeral?”
She nodded. “I mean just look at how intricate all of this is. Not to mention beautiful as well. Just look at Twilight alone, this is probably the best dress I’ve seen her in, and it’s almost a shame that this will be the last thing she’s going to get to wear. It just makes me wish that I can die and have a funeral too.”
“Note to self,” Gallus muttered, “find Ocellus a good psychologist.”
“But anyway,” Ocellus stepped away, “who wants to go next?”
“I’ll do it.” The Griffon said. Underneath his arm was an oval-shaped thing that was covered in a cloth. The other young creatures have noticed that he was carrying it around since they started their journey to the wake. “Hey uh… Twilight, it’s me, Gallus.” He began, “I know that I haven’t exactly been the best student of yours. And that in hindsight, I should take more of your lessons seriously because I’m now starting to find how useful they really are. But since the news of you have died… Well… I know this isn’t exactly traditional, especially coming from us Griffons, but I’ve gone out of my way to make you something.”
He then uncovered what was under the cloth. Curious, the other students went to see what it was.
“Is that supposed to be Twilight?” Sandbar asked.
Gallus nodded.
“Why is her nose so huge?” Smolder questioned. “And pointy?”
“Twilight looks like a duck,” Silverstream commented.
He narrowed his eyes. “Hey, it’s the thought that counts, alright? I’ve worked hard on it.”
“Twilight would like it.” Yona said, “To be fair, better than Yaks could do.” She looked around, “Don’t tell Yaks that Yona said that.”
“So I guess that leaves me then, huh?” Sandbar asked and they told him that he’s the last one. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.” He galloped out of the library, and minutes later he returned. Dragging by the teeth was a heavy stoned block that scratched the floor of the library. On this slab was the name of Twilight Sparkle, along with a crudely carved that read: I Told You I Was Ill.
“Sandbar?” Starlight questioned him, “What are you doing?”
He sat the stone down with a loud, noticeable THUD! “What does it look like? I’m bringing in Twilight’s headstone. I’ve made it myself.”
“But we already got a tomb for her.” Starlight pointed out. “I’m sure we don’t need a headstone.”
“I’ve worked hours on it.”
“We don’t need another headstone, Sandbar.”
“Ah crap!” Sandbar threw his forelegs in the air, “Well, what am I supposed to do with this now?” He turned to his friends, “None of you feel like dying, are you? I don’t want this to go to waste.”
Seeing the opportunity, Ocellus put a hoof to her withers, followed by some really bad acting: “Oh no! Help! I’m having a heart attack! Ah, ack, uh, eh!” She fell to the floor, hooves sticking straight up. “Funeral please.”
This was enough to get the students laughing. Even Sandbar found himself to have a better mood. “Sure thing Ocellus.”
Mercifully, the funeral itself a few days later was a more private affair, despite the mourners outside of the palace walls. The ballroom was decorated in black and purple, with the usual Pinki-esque flare of balloons and streamers. There was a row of chairs that was set up before Twilight’s casket. On one end were her friends in black. This also included the two alicorn sisters and Spike. On the other end sat Twilight’s family that prayed no one would bring up that embarrassing incident at the wake. To the side of the coffin, a podium was set up that underneath it had a picture of Twilight along with a couple of funerary wreaths.
Behind the podium, Starlight Glimmer looked about the setting, and, deciding that they were ready, lit her horn to activate the movie camera in the back of the ballroom. She cleared her throat when she spotted the red light to let her know it was on.
“Okay, I guess we’re ready. So before we begin, I’d like to thank you all for coming to honor an incredible pony that has changed the world - Twilight Sparkle.” There was an awkward pause as Starlight tried to figure out what exactly to say. Especially that the former rulers of Equestria were here, watching her. “To be honest, it’s hard to find words. I mean, if any of you knew about me, Twilight and I didn’t always get along.”
“That’s an understatement,” Applejack muttered under her breath and was immediately shushed.
“Needless to say that I was a villain once upon a time that wanted revenge on her. Can you blame me? I was bitter and angry at first. That I didn’t see much value in friendship outside of being a political bargaining tool. Then… she happened. Slowly things changed and now, I’m a Headmare of a school she created. Call it the magic of friendship or whatever but hey, whatever she did, it worked. For what it’s worth, Twilight has changed my life. I don’t know if this would be enough to say, but I’m grateful for not giving up on me. So, thank you Twilight for doing that.
“I suppose that there’s no right or wrong way to carry out this, so I’m going to hand the podium over to you to share your thoughts about her.”
Starlight went over to a lone chair that sat between ex-Princess Luna and Twilight’s mother. The group waited for a minute to see who was going to come up to say a few words. It didn’t take long.
Celestia stood up and went over to the pulpit.
“I will say that this is a first for me.” She began. “Not the first funeral I’ve given a speech to, nor the last. I say this is a first because this time, an equal has passed away. In truth, I don’t believe I ever saw Twilight as a student per-say. Don’t get me wrong, under my wing she was diligent in every lesson I gave her. She aimed to please and was loyal to the end. It was a relief to me as for the first time, it seemed, I had a student who has a brain. For a long time, I often wondered what sort of role I played in her life. Like a mother I watched her grow up into an adult and beyond. She turned from an antisocial unicorn into an alicorn leader. On the day she became an Alicorn, I was full of pride that she had matured into the pony we know and love.
“That being said, and I can’t believe that it has taken me this long to figure out - but recently I’ve come to see Twilight as my equal. Not just in terms of magic or status, but as an individual. She became someone that could do my job and be better at it. She has become an inspiration to creatures both within and outside of Equestria. Now that she is gone, I can sense that she has elevated herself to that of a symbol of all that’s good in the world. A friend to the friendless. Giving forgiveness to those that they themselves do not believe they deserve it. Her soul doesn’t belong to an age - but for all time. Now we move on, but we shall keep her legacy of friendship alive, even to the edge of doom.”
After Celestia returned to her seat, Rainbow Dash got up to speak at the podium.
“Normally I don’t make speeches.” She said. “Celestia knows that I’m not the kind that would go up in front of a crowd other than to show off.”
“I didn’t,” Celestia replied, getting a laugh out of them that was needed.
“Well,” Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “I can only speak as a friend. Twilight for me has been an awesome pony - second only to me, of course.” Thus earning the eye-roll of the attendees. “It’s not every day that you’d come across someone that can be so nerdy and yet so cool at the same time. Not to mention that she introduced me to some incredible stuff like the Daring Do series or befriending ponies that I wouldn’t consider in a million, billion years. It would have been unbelievable for me or any of us to think that at the start this nerdy unicorn from Canterlot would become a Princess and us as national heroes. Yet, here we are! Not only that but if you all think about it, she lent a hoof for all of us to have our dreams come true. Me becoming a Wonderbolt, Rarity opening boutiques in Canterlot and Manehattan, Fluttershy with the animal sanctuary. Twilight has done so much for not just us, but for Equestria countless times, even before Celestia zapped her into becoming a princess. Really, I don’t know what else to add what’s already been said except that Twilight, you are such an awesome pony.”
“That was very good, Rainbow.” Starlight complemented as Rainbow flew back to her seat. Turning over to the family, she asked them if there’s anything they wanted to say.
“I uh… I have something.” Shining got up to the podium, in his aura he pulled out a scroll. “This… was meant for Twilight. A letter that we were meant to sent until we got the news of…” he cleared his throat, taking a moment to hold back the tears. “You know.”
Unrolling the scroll, he began to read aloud the letter. “‘Dear Twilight, how are you? We got your letter and we’re sorry for hearing that you haven’t had time for yourself. From our experience, government work when done alone is unbelievably stressful when everyone needs you from every direction. Especially when we also have a foal that needs us as much as our citizens do. Yet, from what we’ve heard, you’re taking the right steps in asking your friends for help and creating a system to help ease the burden. Just make sure you don’t let this new responsibility go to your head like ordering your servant’s execution for brining your coffee late. (Side note, don’t tell Cadence I’ve told you that because that was one of the first things she did when she became a princess.)’”
He heard his wife cleared her throat, and looking up from the letter, he saw that she gave him a look. The kind where he instantly knew there was going to be an argument later that day.
Shining continued.
“‘We’re taking a moment to let you know that we’re fine. Flurry is sleeping better and we’ve started to potty train her. By the looks of it, this might take a while until she gets the hang of it, but we’re confident that she will adapt to the changes that are ahead. It also helps that she is understanding how to use very basic words to convey what she wants and needs such as ‘Mommy,’ ‘ball,’ ‘milk,’ ‘wammy,’ ‘assassin’ and so on.
“‘Lately, we have been thinking given how much hard work all of us have done over the past year, Cadence and I were thinking that we should go somewhere as a family. Perhaps in the Summer, we should go to someplace by the sea. We were thinking about the Bahamares or maybe near Sydneigh. Unless you have a better idea like the Hippogriff Kingdom, let us know.’”
Looking up from the letter, he glanced over to where his sister lay in awkward silence before moving on.
“‘Anyway, don’t be afraid to give us a shout if you need anything. I know you’re the Princess of Equestria, but have experience when it comes to the aristocracy and the mountains of paperwork. Just remember that just because you’re in power, doesn’t mean you have to do everything on your own. We care about you, and if you ask, we will help you right away.
“‘We’re waiting to hear from you soon. With love, Cadence, and Shining.
“‘P.S. Flurry says hi.’”
Rolling up the scroll, Shining added, “Twilie, out of everyone in the family, you’ve always been exceptional. You’ve amazed me, mom and dad too in how gifted you were. You’ve earned your place - not just as a mage that arguably nopony has seen since Starswirl - but you were always been kind. We’ll miss you.” His voice became horse near the end to where he had to sit back down to collect himself.
Finally, the last one to speak stood up. Spike made his way over to the pulpit and sighed. “So… what am I supposed to say now? Knowing Twilight, she would understand (maybe appreciate) the reference when I say: ‘Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.’ I pretty much grew up all of my life with her. Twilight for me has been so many things since she hatched me. Mother. Friend. Boss. Almost insane dictator. For most of my life, I have been her number one assistant. Some days I think that I might have been the only thing that kept her together as long as she had. From writing up lists upon lists; to giving her a dose of common sense whenever she’s Twilighting. Trust me, on some days it’s not easy living with her. I could write entire novels just on being her assistant alone. Although I don’t think she would appreciate me writing in detail about her Dr. Frankenstallion phase. But anyway!” He cleared his throat, “At the same time when growing up among Ponies before the relationship with Dragons was strengthen, she was the closest thing to a family I have. It’s nice to have someone that didn’t judge me for being different. Sure, I may not have gone on big adventures like all of you have, but I did play a critical role in her life. Hopefully, now, she might have found peace of mind from all of this. I can only picture that she’s overwhelmed by how loved she really is.”
Spike returned to his spot.
After that last speech was given, Starlight looked about, waited for maybe someone else to give their thoughts. When the room had become too still, she cleared her throat. “Unless anyone else wants to add anything else, I think it’s about time we bring this funeral to a close and move Twilight to her final resting place. Then after that, we will have lunch.”
It was at this unexpected moment that Shining Armor suddenly burst into tears. “She used to love lunch!” He wailed. Meanwhile, Starlight took the opportunity to shut the camera off.
While the family tried to calm him down, each pony and dragon took their turns saying their goodbyes. Each putting a red rose into the coffin.
The casket was closed for the final time and carried to the palace gardens where the newly built tomb lay. A circular marble structure with a dome on top of it with columns and angles looking down from it. The walls were carved to look like shelves of bookcases that held books with recognizable names etched into them. The only opening was through a heavy iron door that had the name of Twilight and the years she lived in gilded letters. Taking the casket inside, it was placed in the center where a raised stone table was.
Before it was sealed, each of Twilight’s family and friends placed a few items that held significance for them and their connection to her. Her parents placed the eggshells of Spike’s egg that admitted their daughter into Celestia’s School of Magic into the tomb. Rainbow placed her copy of the first Daring Do book. Applejack (after much convincing from her older brother) put Ms. Smarty Pants near the casket. In the end, the last item to be placed was from Celestia and Luna who put Twilight’s crown on the coffin where the Princess’s head was.
For what it was worth, it was the most relaxing, refreshing, rejuvenating sleep Twilight has ever had in her life. Sure, she had bumped her head on the lid of the coffin and had to blast the iron door just so she could get out - but it was still a good way to start the morning. She paid no mind when a couple of guards nearby the tomb who fainted or when she entered the palace that a maid started mumbling about seeing a zombie. At the moment, all she cared about was breakfast.
Walking into the castle’s enormous, elaborate kitchen where chefs and prep cooks were already hard at work preparing for a banquet, Twilight called out. “Good morning.” She said, trotting over to one cooks. “Can I get one of you to fix up a jug of coffee and a breakfast sandwich?”
The whole kitchen went uncomfortably quiet.
Twilight blinked. “Uh… please?”
In a brief moment, there was a confusion of movement and noise that Twilight didn’t register. All of a sudden the kitchen was instantly cleared away with ponies running in every direction screaming about… something. Within seconds, the kitchen was completely devoid of its staff - leaving a confused Twilight behind and meals in pots, pans, and ovens that began to burn.
“What was that all about?” Coming to the conclusion that it’s unlikely that the staff was going to come back from their panic break, she set about to make her own breakfast.
Twenty minutes later she emerges from the kitchen with the sandwich and a gallon-sized mug that says “Best Princess.” (Which she found behind a glass case for some reason - as if it was like an artifact in a museum.) Although it was becoming clear that something was off, in her mind, she has much to do.
‘Now that my brain is back on,’ she thought as she lit the coffee kick in. ‘Sometime today I need to get a hold of Starlight and see if she has developed the film of my funeral. Hmm… I wonder how long I was out for? The medicine should have knocked me out for a good ten days or so. I wondered what happened over the past week?’
Her answer came when she came across the doors to her throne room. She didn’t expect that she would find the entire palace staff had constructed a barricade made out of whatever was nearby. Before her was a hill made out of tables, chairs, beds, desks, dresser drawers, nightstands, tapestries, grandfather clocks, nearby statues, and even an incomplete stained glass window. On top of the barricade with spears, knives, and feather dusters poking out was the entire palace staff ready for the fight of their lives.
Twilight blinked. “Did I… miss something?”
“If you’re here for our brains, we’re not giving them up.” One of the guards said.
“Uh… what?”
“You’re a zombie, aren’t you?”
She blinked again. “No…?”
“Maybe someone possessed the princess and used her dead body as a puppet.” A maid suggested, who was holding a plunger in her hoof.
“Somehow, I highly doubt it,” Twilight deadpanned.
“I-If you’re Twilight,” a butler insisted, had an expensive vase in his aura, “tell us something that only she would know.”
“Wow, we’re really doing this cliche? Okay uh…” She thought for a moment and realized something. “You’re Carrier, aren’t you? I’ve seen you before. When I was a filly you were trying to date one of the kitchen staff. What was her name…? Souffle? I remember her because of her accent. She was a Prench mare that you obviously had a crush on. No one else, not even Celestia knew until I saw you in the broom closet-”
“Okay! I believe you!” the butler Carrier quickly interrupted, his face turning red. “Only… how are you alive? We all thought you died.”
“Didn’t you get the note that I was going away a couple of days ago?”
“But we saw the body.” One of the maids told her. “We had doctors here and they said you passed away. There was a funeral and everything.”
“And everyone came to the Wake alone,” one of the chiefs added. “Even Celestia and Luna were forced to come back.”
It didn’t take long for Twilight to piece together the implications with that piece of information. Taking in a very deep breath and downing the rest of her burning coffee, she cleared her throat. “Would all of you please excuse me for a minute? I’ll be right back.” Her horn lit up and she disappeared in a flash.
Meanwhile, over at the School of Friendship in Ponyville, Starlight sat at her desk grading papers when a very irate Princess popped into her office.
“Starlight Lenin I-Swear-I’m-Not-a-Cult-Leader Glimmer!” Twilight shouted as a mother would find that their child did something naughty. “Did you and everyone else forget that the funeral was only meant for you girls and not announced it to the whole world?”
The Headmare looked up from her papers. “To be fair, that wasn’t our fault. I don’t know who let it slip or how, but this was clearly a misunderstanding.”
“Understatement of the millennium,” Twilight growled. “Do you know what this means? It means that all of Equestria, including my family, my mentors, and everyone else thinks that I’m dead. My staff at the palace thought that I was a zombie when I asked for breakfast - they barricaded the throne room because they thought someone was necromancing my body! I wouldn’t be shocked if there’s a civil war since I was left unconscious.”
“Luckily no. And also, there’s no need to worry.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah? And why not?”
“Because I came up with a way to get around this uh… accident.”
“How? The way I see it is that it’s going to end with everyone on the planet being super upset as I apparently faked my death.”
“Simple.” Starlight smiled. “I’ve already sent an article in the newspapers that should make your resurrection believable. It should be out in a day or so.”
“Will it inspire a cult?”
“Maybe not Celestia levels, but it will fool enough ponies to not be mad at you.”
She Has Risen!
Canterlot, Equestria
On the third day since the funeral of Princess Twilight Sparkle, a miracle has taken place that shows the true testament of the magic of friendship. At nine o’clock in the morning, the former friends of the late Princess have gathered artifacts that predate the Elements of Harmony to pay their last respects. As they did so, witnesses nearby have said that there was a brilliant light that illuminated the tomb and the lid of the coffin started to move. They then saw the Princess’s friends breaking into the tomb and freeing a now live Twilight.
As of today, she is currently recovering in her palace in Canterlot. When asked about what happened, she answers: “I don’t remember dying. All I knew was that I went to bed and fell asleep. Everything after that I thought I was dreaming.” From there, she starts to describe an afterlife where everyone had their own kite and a companion plant named Phillis. A warm place where the sun bursts out a firework display every second. And a place where she ran a village where everypony was equal. “I didn’t realize what had happened until I ‘woke up.’ It wasn’t until my friends used those magical artifacts to bring me back that I apparently died a few days ago.”
The Princess has requested a few days of rest before returning back to work with rumors stating she is planning to write a book of her adventures in the afterlife and what she learned.
Twilight looked up from the article down and narrowed her eyes. “You do realize that this could lead me to be worshiped as a living goddess, right?”
“Hey, speaking from a somewhat experience of near-cult worship, it's not all that bad.”
“Then you won’t mind being my first prophet who speaks my word and gets all the attention, right?” Twilight said with a small smirk.
“...Uh, I think I’m having a heart attack?”
