Not a Laughing Matter

by TheRedBirdWhoTypes

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, Other, Princess Luna, Drama, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Profanity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1654

Waking up in ponyland was weird but it's something i can deal with. Waking up as a main character of a cartoon show? That can be easily dodged. Suddenly have a screen that keeps on forcing me to be said main character? Hell nah!

Waking up in ponyland was weird but it's something i can deal with. Waking up as a main character of a cartoon show? That can be easily dodged. Suddenly have a screen that keeps on forcing me to be said main character? Hell nah!

I was fine with living in a rock farm, it gave good work and it occupied my mind, it also allowed me to spend time with my family but that all went out the window when a screen started spouting some crap about me being the 'Element of Laughter' and a quest I couldn't refuse.

I didn't sign up for this!

RGRE, a hint of romance and an annoying game screen that's trying to make that hint larger than it is.

Published 2020-09-09 09:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-09 09:00:00 UTC

A First Choice

Suddenly waking up as a tiny pink horse was something I got used to rather quickly. I had a new family and when I realized that they were leagues better than my old one, I decided to scrap my plan of running away because maybe this new life wouldn’t be so bad?

After some time of me growing up normally, -as normal as suddenly being a tiny horse to a slightly bigger tiny horse after a few years is- I decided to give my new family one small party during one sullen night as a cheap attempt to lighten their mood. But when a sudden bright light from my ass smacked right into my eyes and the realization that I'm that pink horse was given to me, I had to begrudgingly deal with the fact that my simple rock life now had a possible danger to it a few years down the line.

So I had a choice. Do i follow the barely remembered plot so i can save the world? or do i just ignore it because I’m not even Pinkie Pie. Yes, I'm not even the happy pink party pony in the first place. Sure, i may look like her but i had a dick along with a whole different name, something that I’m sure is both completely different from cannon.

I obviously chose the latter because having to deal with that much pressure was something I could not deal with without blowing a gasket and fucking shit up in the process so I'm sure that there is someone else, someone completely better could do my duty. I’m Bartram Damien Pie, not Pinkamena Diane Pie, I'm pretty sure that we are two completely different beings so It wasn’t like I was the only option for the Element of Laughter or anything.

Right?

So why does this screen in front of me keep on saying something else!?

I was sure that I'm going insane, after all, why else was I suddenly seeing a pink screen that decided to pop right in front of my face?

[Congratulations, you are chosen to be 'The Protagonist'! I hope you have luck on your adventure!]

I furrowed my brow and tried to walk past it but instead of simply staying it place, it decided to up and float after me no matter whatever I did. After some time of just walking sideways and multiple other ways of trying to walk past this annoying screen, I decided to just try and wipe it away with a hoof as a last attempt.

I blinked when I realized that it actually worked. Well dang, that's fortunate. I tilted my head before shrugging and quickly made my way inside but I immediately backed away when I saw an icon just casually floating on top of my mom's head. Well horse mom. A simple earth mare with a greyish coat and dark greenish(?) mane pulled up in bob. Last i knew, ponies aren't supposed to have those kinds of things, it's simply not normal!

The hell!? This was the second time, was i truly going insane?!

[Claudine Diane Quartz: 'Mommy Dearest']

[Relationship Status: Favorite son]

[Affection Points: 0/100]

[Heroine Summary: Claudine is your birth mother in this new life of yours. She favours (She hides it well) you over the rest of your siblings since you are her only son. She worries if you could survive outside of the farm, especially with your current attitude. She, like the rest of the family, hopes that you would be able to find a good herd or even just a single good mare to settle down with when you're older.

My attitude? The hell is wrong with my attitude? No! Wrong priorities, let's focus on the fact that there is a screen just showcasing information about my mom, no matter how informative it is. Also herd? Like a group? I mean it was a bit nice that horse-mom was worried about my almost non-existent love life that I am sure to not have in the future but I'm sure that I'd at least have a bunch of friends with me. That and this isn’t my first rodeo to adulthood, I can handle myself.

I survived my old one after all and I was worse.

"Son, art thou feelin' well?" The voice of 'Mommy Dearest' herself snapped me out of the screen and onto familiar blue eyes. Her face was blank but the slight crinkle below her eyes showcased her concern but before I could answer, a mechanic 'sound' was heard and almost immediately everything around me lost colour and froze as if someone casted a freeze time spell.

That wasn't the most shocking thing I saw though, what shocked me the most was the three new 'screens' that suddenly popped right in front of me, the colour the same pink screen with the red letters just neatly ordered one over the other.

A-[You can always feel me, mom]

B-[Of course mum, what made you think otherwise?]

C-[It's none of your business mom! Leave me alone!]

"What... the fuck?" I mumbled lowly, my face contorting to pure confusion at what the hell I'm looking at. The choices, what the hell is wrong with the choices, especially the first one.

The rather sudden stop of time would've immediately given me a serious mixture of panic and even more panic but the sheer stupidity of the three 'choices' before me, especially since i could see mom's 'Son, art thou feelin' well?' just casually written above them, completely killed the panic and just left me completely done with everything.

So I tried to do what I've always done whenever I'm feeling like this, I try to go to bed because I am too tired -I just finished my share of work in the farm- to deal with such dumbassity and so future-me will have to deal with this himself.

But no matter how hard I tried to get out of the room, I just couldn't. So I did the next best thing. I just laid on the couch in the living room and tried to sleep hoping that it was just a bad dream but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, even if I rolled and tossed around, I still couldn't sleep.

Well, there went my usual solution, now what?

My eyes went towards the tabs just floating in front of my eyes and I bit the inside of my check, trying to see what I should choose just so I could get this over with. I weighed the option in my head and immediately kicked option A out, incest is not wincest dammit! I have some morals and I do not want to be a literal motherfucker. I shoved option C out as well, I'm an asshole, that I know but I'd rather not get a beating because I cursed my mom out.

So after some time, i decided to go with option B, it was the most neutral option that wouldn't lead to anything illegal or me getting beaten because i decided to finally be a disrespectful twat.

As I pressed my hoof on my choice, I didn't exactly think of much of my 'power.' After all, in my mind, it was just a possible hallucination or just a dumb magic mechanic this new world has. Sure I would probably be forced to choose a bunch of choices whenever I would talk with someone but I could always go neutral.

"Of course mum, what made you think otherwise?" the words flew out of my lips, sounding as normal as ever despite the fact that i didn't want to say it in the first place.

"Art thou sure? Thy fur is beginning to get rather pale," my mom stated, coming closer to swipe at my choppy bangs and I just rolled my eyes. "is it because thy elder sister, Maud has to leave for Ponyville?" Her forelegs then wrapped around me and i just sighed and nuzzled deeper into comfy fur.

Right, Maud was going to Ponyville tomorrow. Something about doing a contract or something. Speaking of Ponyville, i knew just who I was inhibiting. It was obvious in the pink scheme and name really. Normally from most self insert fics i once read back when I was a simple human, most would simply go join the plot and help out because it was their duty. Me? I honestly didn't care. After all, you're telling me, that out of a large number of ponies in this world, there is no other pony that could take my place?

Pfft, there's bound to atleast be one. Besides, from what i remember from the show, there was so many stuff going on that'd I'd rather not deal with. From an infestation to a literal dictator coming back into life. Besides, I rather enjoyed my life on the rock farm. I was a rather rambunctious lad back when i was a human so it wasn't like I was missing out in alot of things anyway other than magic but why would I need to leave to go learn magic?

This would be easy, I just needed to continue just as I’ve always been. Don’t go around throwing parties or even go near Ponyville, that place is filled with chaos that I'd rather not deal with in this new life of mine.

…

I just jinxed myself, didn’t i?

Ping!

[Available Quest!]

{Arrive at Ponyville!}

Time Limit: A day before the Summer Sun Celebration that takes place in Ponyville in a few years.

Rewards

-???

-???

-???

Failure to comply

-Death to everyone you know and love.
-Eternal night leading to an apocalypse which leads to extinction

“FUCK!”

"Son of mine blood! Where did'st thou learn such foul language!"

Author's Note

Rough i know, but it'll get better. I swear!

I hope you stay.