Rarity had outdone herself on the dress. The blend of fabrics and silks, the tasteful accents of gold on stark white, the few choice pieces of frilly lace… yes, this was going to be one for the books. Fluttershy had offered to return the piece after the wedding, but Rarity wouldn’t even hear of such a thing. The dress was hers, to have and to hold forever. After today, she would hang it in the closet so that she could look upon it from time to time and think back to this, the happiest day of her life. And one day, she’d see another mare wearing it as her own daughter or daughter-in-law walked down the aisle on the happiest day of her life. No, Rarity would not take the dress back.
She did take enough photos for an entire catalogue, however. And from every possible angle. Just in case someone wanted one like it.
Fluttershy smiled at her reflection. She tried to smile, anyway. But while her lips would curve up, her eyes would betray how tormented and conflicted she felt. She imagined that from a distance or through the lens of a camera, nopony would be able to tell whether it was a real smile or not.
But Big Macintosh would be looking right at her.
And so would…
“Well, ain’t you as pretty as the first spring flower?”
Fluttershy turned and smiled, actually smiled, as the orange earth pony stepped into the guest bedroom that had become a makeshift boudoir. Applejack was all dolled up as well, a distinct departure for the down-to-Earth farmer. Despite Rarity’s protests that Macintosh’s best mare should have a brand new gown as well, Applejack had insisted on simply re-purposing her old Royal Wedding ensemble so her fussy friend could devote her creative energies to other aspects of the wedding. She reached up and adjusted the headband she wore in place of her usual stetson as she closed the door behind her and crossed to the pegasus. Fluttershy looked back at her reflection and swallowed hard. “How’s everything going out there?”
“Last few guests are arrivin.’ Mayor Mare reckons we should be ready to roll in jest a few minutes.” Applejack gave Fluttershy a full once over, from mane to tail, and nodded her approval. “Looks like yer ready, at least.”
“As I’m going to be, anyway. Did Macintosh send you to check on me?”
“A’course he did. Couldn’t rightly come himself, could he? Bad luck for the groom to see the bride early on the wedding day.” Applejack stepped beside Fluttershy and joined her in her mirror-gazing. “How’re ya feelin?’”
Fluttershy tried to smile again. “I’m wonderful. Couldn’t be happier.” Up curled the corners of her mouth, but the smile felt false, like a mask she was forcing herself to don. “How are you feeling?”
“Ya want me to be honest?”
Fluttershy’s eyes flicked over, and he caught an all too familiar glint in the other mare’s eyes. “Of course.”
“I’m feelin’ a mite jealous right now, plainly speakin.’”
The false smile fell away. “Jealous? Why’s that?”
“Because my big brother’s about to get himself hitched to the most beautiful mare in the whole wide world.”
Fluttershy started to turn. “Applejack, I…”
And then Applejack was kissing her, and there was nothing else.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was never meant to go this far. Never in a million years had the shy pegasus with a coat of yellow imagined that she would fall head over hooves for one pony, let alone two. But that’s exactly what had happened. Macintosh, that gentle giant, had started courting her in his quiet, sweet way. She’d fallen for him first, but there had been an unexpected development that came from all the extra time she spent with the Apple Family at parties, holidays, and harvests.
A development with a face full of freckles and a leather hat atop her head.
Thinking back, she could remember the moment she’d fallen in love with Macintosh. She could still taste the pie from the picnic he’d prepared for their fifth date, still smell the pond water that had been dripping from his mane after he dove in to rescue a runty duckling.
With Applejack, there had been no one moment. It had suddenly just been there, a feeling borne in her heart so strongly that it was as if it had been there from the very beginning. She’d tried to ignore it, tried to refocus those feelings on Macintosh… but then Applejack had confessed, and she was lost.
Since then, she had become a walking paradox. Her heart beat not for one, but for two.
Applejack’s kisses were the opposite of her brother’s. Macintosh’s ministrations were always reserved and careful, like he was holding back to ensure that he didn’t hurt his ‘little butterfly.’ Applejack on the other hoof was passionate and untamed. Her kisses were clumsy and uncoordinated. More often than not, it seemed like her lips had a mind of their own, and they were constantly at war with the mind behind them over what they should do first.
They made her swoon in different ways, those kisses. But the one thing they had in common was their talent in taking her breath away.
Applejack pulled back, and smirked when Fluttershy unconsciously tried to follow in a vain attempt to continue the lip lock. “Good thing you ain’t wearin’ make-up.”
Fluttershy opened her eyes and tried to catch her breath. “Applejack…”
The farmer held up her hoof. “No more excuses, honey. It’s gotta be today, no matter which way you choose.”
Fluttershy’s face fell and she stared at the floor. “I know.”
“Have you made up yer mind?”
“...You know I haven’t.” She muttered. “That’s why you’re actually here.”
“Guilty.” Applejack’s hoof found Fluttershy’s chin and lifted her face. “Today’s the day, sugar-cube. You know how I feel about you, but I ain’t gonna be the other mare. ‘Specially not when my brother’s involved.” She smiled sadly. “I really wish you’d made up your mind before now. Or that I’d made it for you.”
“Then why didn’t you?” Fluttershy yanked herself away from the other mare’s touch and stalked to the other side of the room. “You could’ve settled this months ago. All you had to do was…”
“All I had to do was either tell Mac about us, or force myself to quit lovin’ you. That right there’s a hard decision to make.” Applejack sat on her haunches, careful not to sit on the dress. “It ain’t a great situation for either of us. No easy choices.”
“I can… I can make it easy.” Fluttershy stood tall and rounded on Applejack. “I can tell you right now that while what we had was fun, my heart belongs to Mac and Mac alone.” She marched back across the room. “And things will be awkward between us, but we’ll get over it. We’ll still be friends, and in time we’ll come to think of each other as sisters. In a few years, we’ll forget all about the east orchard, and the barn, and the fruit cellar…”
“...and that one time behind the tent during Braeburn’s birthday?” The tiniest smirk appeared on Applejack’s face.
“Yes, even that. Especially that.” Fluttershy stopped a few inches away from the earth pony and took a deep, steadying breath… that filled her nose with the scent of apples. “I can do that. I can forget. I can.”
Applejack closed her eyes, already knowing what was coming. “Can you?”
“I… I can’t.” This time it was Fluttershy who kissed her. It was Fluttershy’s desperate flailing embrace that knocked the pair to the floor. It was Fluttershy who forced herself to pull away, only to bury her muzzle in the crook of Applejack’s neck and inhale the scent of the mare she loved. “…I wish I could take off this dress.”
“Be mighty hard to explain, that would.” Applejack returned the nuzzle. “’Sides, I think Rarity practically sewed you up in that thing.”
Fluttershy pulled away and looked down at the mare beneath her. “I can’t do this.”
“You have to, sugar-cube. Yer the only one who can make this kinda right.” Applejack reached up and pulled the pegasus close to her, and smiled when she felt her lover relax at once. “If you tell Mac now, then there’s still a chance this comes out okay. He’ll be heartbroken…” The mare atop her stiffened. “…But I know him, and believe me; he will get over it.”
“And the others? Your family? Our friends? All of Ponyville?” Fluttershy felt the threatening sting of tears. “How could I ever face them again?”
“...We could run away?”
Fluttershy let out a laugh that sounded more like a cough. “That’s not funny.”
“Maybe I’m serious.” Applejack pushed the mare off her enough that she was able to sit up a bit. “I’m still in contact with Miss Jubilee. She’d take us in. We just leave a note pleading forgiveness, then off we go. Maybe we come back in a few years after everypony cools off.”
Fluttershy sniffled and wiped her nose. “You’d… you’d do that for me?”
“Honey, I’d do anything for you. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Just say the word, Fluttershy. Say the word, and I’ll get to writin’ while you find yer way out of that dress and off we’ll go. You just tell me that’s what you want to do.”
And for a moment, Fluttershy’s mouth opened to say those exact words. But then a booming, familiar laugh came from down the hall, and the words died in her throat. “I… I can’t.”
“Because you love him.” Applejack nodded as she stood up.
“I do.” Fluttershy stepped back and lowered her head. “I love you both.”
“I know you do. And if I was a better mare, then I’d step aside since Mac got to you first. But damn it all, I can’t do that.” She dusted off her gown and looked at the pegasus hard. “Say it. Say we’re done.”
“I… we…”
“Consarnit, Fluttershy! This ain’t easy for me neither. You think I want my brother findin’ out that I’ve been sneakin’ around with his girl these past few months? Do you have any idea how much it kills me every single time I see him kissin’ you?” She put her hoof to her heart. “Honesty was my Element, and yet I have lied over and over and over again. I’ve lied for you, but I can’t do it no more. I won’t. I can keep a secret if I have to, but I won’t keep livin’ a lie forever. I can’t let you go, but you can make me.” She reached out, pleading. “Make me give you up. Break my heart. I can take it. But please don’t drag me along. Please don’t make me tell Mac that his wife tried sneaking into my room in the middle of the night. Spare me that at least.”
Fluttershy’s body sagged. “This isn’t fair.”
“I know it ain’t. And it ain’t easy.” Applejack was crying now, twin rivers of tears flowing down her face. “But you know what you have to do.”
And Fluttershy did know. Celestia above, Tartarus below, by all the powers in the universe… she knew. There was only one answer, one way out. It would kill her, but it had to be done. She was Kindness in pony form, and that was why it had taken her so long to reach this point. Whichever of her heart’s desires she chose, one’s heart would be broken. Whatever her choice might be, it would bring pain to another. But that’s just the way of the world, isn’t it? It’s a harsh truth, an ugly truth, but it’s still the truth.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
The two mares stood there for… well, neither knew how long. Seconds? Minutes? Does it matter, in the grand scheme? How does one measure the final moments before a broken heart?
Fluttershy looked at the crying earth pony, her eyes saying everything her words could not. “I’m sorry.”
Applejack swallowed hard and nodded. She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. “Alright then. Glad that’s sorted out.” She checked herself in the mirror, then headed for the door. “I’ll tell ‘em you’re ready.”
“Applejack?”
The mare paused and looked back. “Yeah?”
“Could you… would you kiss me, one last time?”
Applejack snorted a small laugh. “Now, I don’t think that would be very appropriate, would it?”
Fluttershy looked away. “No. I suppose it wouldn't.”
“See you out there… sis.” Applejack took one last deep breath, then left the room.
Fluttershy heard the door shut, and she very nearly lunged for the handle. She held herself until the moment passed, then gasped back a sob. She trembled in place as emotions wracked her body, as her mind screamed and her heart raged. She held in the cries and the tears and the urge to wreck the room, to rend the beautiful dress to shreds and rags. She held herself as the tempest worked through her.
She inhaled deeply… and breathed out the glimmering emerald of her eyes.
Another inhale… and out came the sound of her passionate cries.
Inhale… and out came the gentle touch of a mare’s hooves upon her.
Again and again, and with each calming breath she purged just a little more of the space that Applejack had claimed in her heart. And with each breath, with each loss… thoughts of Mac took their place. His quiet strength, his dry sense of humor, his absolute dedication, his love for her… it all filled her heart to overflowing. Her love for Mac overwhelmed the pain of her heartbreak.
It would be back, she knew. It would be there for a very long time. But it would fade over the years. The glassy shards would become tiny pinpricks, then nothing at all. In time the pain would fade, leaving only the slightest trace when she thought back to her choice.
And of her choice; she knew there would be times in the future when she would second guess herself, when she would wonder if she made the right decision. There would be times of difficulty when she would look back and wonder what might have been if she’d taken the other road. But they would be only thoughts, only fantasies.
She’d made her choice, and she knew it had been the right one.
Fluttershy looked into the mirror. She took in the mare before her, all dressed up on what was to be the happiest day of her life.
And as the bells rang outside… she smiled.
Author's Note
"You will know you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice, but your heart is at peace."
-Unknown
