Smolder buried her face in her claws. The single dim light hanging in the castle custodial closet faltered, and moments of darkness draped the hideaway for seconds at a time. The air in the room felt heavy.
“I’m so stupid,” she muttered.
She banged her head against the wall and sighed. She blinked rapidly then stared into momentary pitch blackness. A faint orange flash revealed her claws curled into tight fists, but she wasn’t angry.
Okay,maybe she was a little angry, she didn’t know. Emotions were a hard thing to parse, but it was easier when no one else was around. Tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them away, muttering to herself over and over again. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…”
A knock echoed into the closet, startling Smolder silent. She didn’t move a muscle. “Smolder? Are you in there?”
Gallus. She shrunk back, flattening her back against the stone.
The door creaked open, a beam of light leaked into the room, and his shadow clambered its way inside. He shut the door behind himself, reinviting the company of darkness. A vague flash of orange warmth touched the room then disappeared once again. Gallus felt around the room for a light switch, and jiggled it. The bulb popped sharply, earning a wince from the both of them.
“So much for the light,” he said, rubbing the nape of his neck.
Gallus took a seat on the floor.. He could make out Smolder’s burnt orange figure, but it was fuzzy and unmoving. He raised a talon, reaching towards her but thought twice about it, retracting his hand and tapping his claws on the cold concrete floor. “Soooo,” he started, “do you want to talk about what happened or…”
“You should leave and forget about it.”
“Yeah, I could do that I suppose.” He gulped. “But I won’t.”
“Nice knowing you then.”
“Hey, don’t start that with me. There has to be a way we can talk this out.” He scooted over to her side of the closet and plopped himself next to her, flicking his tail as he adjusted his seat. He tapped the floor again.
“Can you stop that?” she asked, turning away from his silhouette.
“Stop what?”
“The tapping.”
“Oh this tapping?” He tapped a few times more.
She turned her back to him completely.
Gallus’ tapping increased in speed and force. “I can stop when you decide to talk to me.” The darkness masked his grin.
In a minute her agitation only grew, as did his resilience. “You do know I could just leave if I wanted to, right?” she said.
“You could do that,” he said, still tapping profusely. “But for some reason you still haven’t.” She could feel the smugness bleed through his punchable face with that one.
Lifting her head, she swirled her body around and rested herself against Gallus, but the heaviness in her chest overcame her, so she pushed herself across the floor, stealing a quick glance at his silhouette, then set her gaze on the blurred ground. She swallowed reluctantly. “I’ve gotten better at having these conversations since coming to Equestria. Ya know, like, expressing yourself and junk. But it’s still not easy.”
Gallus huffed. “Ain’t that the truth.”
“Why are you even here?” Smolder asked. “I mean, I get it, you’re my friend. You care when I throw a fit, you care when something’s wrong, but like why do you care? I don’t make sense, I know, but I don’t get it. I just—Ugh! I’m an idiot, forget it.”
Gallus placed a claw on Smolder’s shoulder. “Smolder stop.” She shrugged his claw off. “I get that you’re upset, I just don’t really understand why you’re upset that I’m spending the summer with Silverstream.”
“Hey, that is not what this is about.”
Gallus threw up his claws. “Well am I in the ballpark at least? Am I warm or am I cold Miss Smolder, because I really can’t tell. Do you not like how much time I’ve been spending with Silverstream? Is that a possibility?”
Smolder’s eyes widened and she stood up. “Alright, that’s too on the nose. Did Ocellus say something to you? If she did, I swear that bug is going to be a splat on the wall.”
“Oh, so I am right?”
“You want a medal, Gallus? A trophy?” She clapped slowly for him. “Gooooo Gallus, the smartest Griffon in Griffonstone has me all figured out. Way to go bud.”
“What? No? Wait.” Gallus rubbed his temples. “Where are we now?”
“A closet.” Smolder deadpanned.
“No, no, I mean in this conversation. I’m so lost. You know I’m not good with this whole feelings thing either. Cut me some slack okay?” Though he could not see, he was met with an eye-roll. “You like me?”
Smolder tensed up, a small amount of smoke escaping her nostrils. “Maybe.”
“You literally said no to me for the Summer Sun Dance thing like two weeks ago.”
“I didn’t know what to say!” she quipped.
“Did you want to go with me?”
“Yes!”
“That might have been a good start then. Why the hay did you say no? I’m double lost.”
“Hold up,” Smolder laughed dryly, a smirk turning up the corner of her mouth.“What the ‘hay’? Yeesh.”
“Look,” Gallus drug his palm down his face, “if you think now is the time to nitpick my ‘ponyisms’ go for it, but—”
“It’s hell.”
“I know it’s hell! Why the hell didn’t you say yes to me—”
“I don’t know, bird brain. Okay? You got me, I don’t know.” Smolder stomped crossing her arms tightly. “I don’t know.” Smolder sighed, evaluating her emotions, unsure of the answer to that question, and whether or not to reveal what she assumed it was. “If you want honesty, I didn’t think it was that simple. I also didn’t think dragons caught feelings, or whatever you want to call it. Dragons go their own way when they mature, so what’s the point in pursuing something that goes against our true nature.” She took a deep breath. “...something that goes against expectations. It’d be all for nothing anyways.”
Silence hung in the air as both griffon and dragon sat still, processing.
Smolder continued, “Whenever I see you and Silverstream, you guys are always so happy together. I’m alone. I just wish I didn’t have to be alone.” She hugged her knees close to her chest. “I feel a lot of the times my toughness is an act, but I know it’s not true, because it comes naturally. It’s vulnerability that’s an act, because I feel like I’m faking it every time I talk about me, not just me, but me me.”
Gallus didn’t answer immediately. “I suck at this.”
Smolder shrugged. “You gave it your best shot. I’ll see you in school.”
“Wait just a second,” Gallus wobbled onto all fours, “I know I’m trash at this, but I want you to know that we’re friends, and we literally go to a school all about friendship, and I don’t think I’d be a very good student or friend if I didn’t say I’m glad you told me.” He smiled lightly. “I understand what you’re feeling, kind of. For a long time, when I first got to the school I thought I didn’t deserve friends or anyone to talk to me, or, well, love, I guess. Griffons are greedy and selfish, it never crossed my mind that I was capable of experiencing those things, because I’m a griffon..”
Smolder tilted her head. “That’s kind of silly don’t you think? To think something won’t happen just because of where you come—oh you’re going the ironic route. I feel stupid.”
“Gotcha,” he smirked, “Reality has its way of subverting your expectations, huh?”
“That’s a five bit word. You sure you’re using it right?”
“I think so?” Gallus offered a shrug of his own. “I think you get my point.”
Smolder felt a warmth welling up in her chest. Vulnerability is giving someone a path to your heart, a path underneath her claws, her scales, her tough skin, all of her defenses. Her heart throbbed. It was nerve racking and calming all at the same time. “It’s nice to talk, I guess,” she admitted. She rolled her shoulders back and rubbed her eyes, though the room gave no indicator, her internal clock sensed it was getting late. With the day’s closure around the corner she sought a resolution of her own. “Now what?”
“Uh,” he started, “not sure.”
“Well, I guess I’ll get out of your feathers then—”
“No, wait.”
“You say that a lot.” Smolder did a poor job stifling her sigh. As nice as it was to get some things off her chest, it wasn’t exactly enjoyable to dwell in them.
“I know I do, just,” Gallus stammered, “Would you want to go on a date, before I leave town next week?” His cheeks burned as he scratched his head.
Smolder did a double take herself. “Wait, but Silverstream…”
“Friends, we’re friends. I like Silverstream, I’m going to stay in Mount Aris for the next few months. She’s helping me out. But that’s all we are, friends.” Gallus put his claw on Smolder’s shoulder, his teeth barely gleaming in the darkness.
Smolder melted. She stuttered, “But, I suck, I’m—you just sat here and listened to me—I can’t decide how I feel about anything. What if it’s all for nothing? I don’t know how I’m supposed to— “ Smolder found herself buried in a bird embrace.
With both arms Gallus hugged Smolder.
This was new for both of them. But neither disliked it.
After a moment they separated, each taking a healthy step back. Gallus cleared his throat. “Ya know, life becomes more meaningful when you realize you never get to live the same moment twice.”
She stared at him for a second before she snorted, “That is so BS. What greeting card did you steal that from?”
“I think it was on an inspirational poster at the restaurant by the train station.. Seemed relevant enough.”
“Uh-huh,” Smolder sighed, “why don’t we find out if it’s at that restaurant? I’d love to see it. Try Saturday at 7?” she fluttered her eyes a few times then rolled them, snorting, then deadpanning. “Yeesh, I am just terrible at that.”
“Yeah, I don’t know how any creature does it either,” he said. “Seems fake to me.”
“Right?” Smolder said.
“So, you think it might be time to come out of the closet and let the others know you’re okay? They were pretty worried, it’s not every day you storm out of anything really.”
She flicked her claw a few times. “Yeah… I suppose so. You go, I’ll be a second.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure, I need a moment to myself.”
Gallus popped his back, and wriggled each of his legs before he waltzed over to the closet door. “Hey Smolder,” he said, cracking open the door, “let me know if you ever need to, uh, do this again.”
The invading light from outside the closet caught a portion of her face as she smiled. “Thanks,” she said.
The door closed shut behind Gallus.
Smolder wasn’t quite ready to leave her haunches. It couldn’t be that easy could it? She made a scene tonight, she rejected any chance of a fantasy she wanted to explore and in a matter of minutes all the problems she thought were so big, were minuscule. Problems sometimes are only as big as they’re perceived, and they only appear big because you’re right up against them. By taking a step back and talking, she accomplished so much, she unburdened herself of so much self-created stress that she’d imagined in her own head. It was jarring, really. Being vulnerable was hard but in retrospect, concealing her problems caused more inner turmoil than what actually existed.
Huh, how about that.
Author's Note
I got the itch to write again, so I did. I want to keep writing, but this was a pretty weak project to me as far as an idea, and it being fluffy, and I know the characterization might not be perfect since I never watch past season six, but I really like Smolder's character from what I've seen, and I plan to write some more of her. I don't know, I got inspired, and it was fun to write. Thanks to anyone who's willing to give it the time of day to read, means a lot to me.
