It Was a Pleasure to Burn

It Was a Pleasure to Burn

Fire washes the skin off the bone and the sin off the soul. It cleans away the dirt. And my momma didn’t raise herself no dirty boy.

X - Don't Trust the Media

__________

Crap crap crap, red light bad! Caulk thought in a panic. If only I could figure out what the fuck it means!

The red light in question was a flashing line of text that read: "0 mL SSS REMAINING". Clearly, Caulk's suit had run out of a supply of some kind of chemical, but what that chemical might be he had no idea. He mulled over what "SSS" could possibly be an acronym for. He doubted it was anything related to trigonometric theorems, and he could not think of a chemical compound with a name that would be abbreviated as such.

As if aware of his confusion, Caulk heard the gravely voice from the suit.

*Alert: zero milliliters of Selective Sensory Suppressant remaining. Seek replenishment.*

Caulk blinked. "Selective Sensory Suppressant"? What the deuce is that? You'd think I would know what that is after wearing the six sixty for fifteen friggin' years!

No sooner had he thought this did Caulk's general feeling turn south. His tongue suddenly felt thick and fuzzy, and he became increasingly aware of his incredibly dry mouth and throat. He started to feel lightheaded and could barely see straight. Caulk had never felt this dehydrated in his entire life, not even when he was on the hothouse of Char.

Gah! Water! I need water!

Caulk looked around frantically while ignoring the crowd of ponies in the plaza, searching for a source of water. His eyes fell on the large fountain in the center. Without stopping to think he lumbered as quickly as he could to the fountain, causing the ponies to dive out of the way in panic. At his mental order a small device that resembled a rubber stopper with a hole in the middle popped out of the front of his helmet, and with it a plastic tube extended into Caulk's mouth. He reached behind his back into the crevice between the back plate of his armor and the apparatus that contained the two Perdition fuel tanks. With a sound akin to popping a champagne cork, he pulled out an ordinary, green garden hose that he had acquired for this sole purpose.

Without wasting any time, he jammed one end of the hose onto the rubber stopper and and plopped the other into the fountain. He immediately began sucking on the plastic tube in his mouth, and a few seconds later he felt the cool, refreshing water from the fountain spill down his throat. The water's taste was tainted by the rubber hose, but it was ignored completely as Caulk began greedily gulping down great amounts of water from the fountain. He never felt he would enjoy the taste of a drink other than vodka so much.

Caulk sat down on his rear, closing his eyes and ignoring anything anyone said to him--or about him, for that matter--as he drank the much needed water. Once his stomach started screaming at him that he could not take in any more he pulled the hose off the stopper, and it promptly retracted back into his helmet. Caulk still felt dehydrated, but it was no longer going to be life-threatening at the very least.

Opening his eyes, he found that the dense cluster of ponies encircling him had backed away slightly from him. Curious, he looked around him for an explanation, afraid for a moment that he had trampled a pony and splattered its... remains all over himself. Fortunately this had not happened, and Caulk breathed a sigh of relief when the reason turned out to be the presence of Celestia and the guard he recognized at Shining Armor.

For a moment, Caulk considered actually being courteous and giving them a salute. This moment was barely even recognized, as Caulk figured it would be out of character, especially for him.

Continuing to hold his hose in one hand and waving with the other, he said as casually as he could, "Hey, what's up? What brings you out here this fine... morning of um..."

"Tuesday," Shining Armor finished for him.

"Tuesday. Thank you."

Celestia just sighed. "Do you actually delight in making everypony's lives difficult?"

Upon hearing this, Caulk drooped. With a sigh, he dropped his typical lighthearted demeanor. "Sorry. I've been stationed on an ice cube for the past five months with only one two-day leave two months ago. I've been taking every chance I can to get some excitement."

"'Ice cube'?" Shining Armor echoed questioningly.

Caulk shrugged. That might as well have been what Braxis was, really. "Well not literally, obviously. Ice planet. You get my point."

"As much as I would love to hear about the places you have been," Celestia said, "I believe we should get you back to the warehouse."

Before Caulk could respond, Shining Armor cut in, "Which raises the question: 'How did you get out in the first place?'"

What was he talking about? Caulk had just walked out of the warehouse with no resistance from the guards. Maybe they were supposed to be keeping him in that room of crates?

"Ask them," he said, gesturing at the decaplet of pony guards that had been following him. After he said this, he wrapped his hose around his hand until it was coiled neatly, then jammed it back into its place on his backside.

The guards all looked away and shuffled their hooves nervously. As amusing as Caulk found their predicament, he sympathized with them. He had been yelled at more than a few times by the Colonel in his fifteen years of service. Oh, but that thing with the bouncy-balls was so worth those six hundred credits I spent at the toy store, not to mention the look on that cashier's face. Hehehe... Priceless.

Celestia gave Caulk a look with a meaning that said as clear as day: "Stop screwing around, get up, and follow me. NOW." Upon seeing this forceful gaze, Caulk went tense and sprang up to his feet at attention, startling everyone near him. Caulk was well known for his sense of humor, but he at least knew when to call it quits. This instance was one of them. He had seen Celestia move the flipping sun; that kind of thing warranted respect. Since he had seen the Princesses manipulate the sun and moon, his entire understanding of physics had been called into question. He was going to have to ask them more about this whole "magic" thing later. Thinking back to one of their earlier discussions, Caulk recalled that they mentioned something about multiple dimensions. Yeah, he was definitely going to need to ask later.

"Captain, I believe it is time to bring our friend back to his... temporary residence," Celestia said to Shining Armor without breaking her stern gaze with Caulk.

With a snort, Shining Armor said, "Yeah, and I think these guards should go back to the barracks and wait for me to get back. They'd better hope their résumés are decent by the time I'm through with them."

Oof. Sorry, broskis, Caulk thought sympathetically as he watched the guards' faces pale.

As the guards turned and left, Celestia and Shining Armor had turned to head back to the warehouse.

"Come, Caulk. My patience is beginning to wear thin."

Gah! Yes, ma'am!

With Caulk in tow, Celestia and Shining Armor began leading him out of the plaza in the direction he had originally come from; the ponies parting before Celestia like the Red Sea. The instant Caulk's foot hit the point where the plaza ended and the street began, did none other than Rainbow Dash come flying in and stopping less than two meters in front of Caulk's face, much to his surprise.

With a speed at which Caulk could barely understand, Rainbow Dash started stammering, "Where'd you go do you have any idea how freaked out I was when I got back to the warehouse and you weren't with me I must've looked around the whole city before I--"

Before she passed out from lack of air--or so Caulk thought might happen--Caulk coughed into his fist to silence her, then pointed down at Celestia and Shining Armor. Shining Armor had a look closer to confusion than anything else, but Celestia had fixed Rainbow Dash with a stern gaze. Upon seeing it, Rainbow Dash reacted similarly to the way Caulk did: wasting no time in jumping to a respectful position. While Caulk's was standing at attention, Rainbow Dash's was a low bow, which looked to him like the most unnatural position for a quadruped to be in.

"Rainbow Dash, was this all just Caulk carrying out his end of your bargain?" Celestia demanded. Caulk could have sworn she was smiling a bit.

"Y- Yes, Princess."

After a long moment of silence, Celestia surprised everyone present by beginning to giggle lightly, then a lot, then rolling over onto her back in maniacal laughter.

Okay, I know I'm the pot lecturing the kettle, but that's just unprofessional, Caulk thought as he watched Celestia cackling away.

"Do... you mean to tell me that Caulk actually walked around like a chicken, announced his... incompetence, and I missed it?" Celestia asked, struggling to catch her breath.

"Y- Yes."

Finally managing to regain her composure--although still grinning broadly--Celestia said, "I will forgive you entirely of this, Rainbow Dash, provided you agree to one condition: that you make sure I am here to watch whenever you make Caulk do something to degrade himself."

"Oh, COME ON!" Caulk roared. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rainbow Dash's expression switch from fear to relief.

Shining Armor finally decided to speak up. "Fair's fair, guy. After everything you've put us through, it's only fair that we get to make some jabs at you now."

Caulk's jaw worked behind his helmet as he tried to come up with a good rebuttal. When he realized that Shining Armor was right, he crossed his arms--no small feat, given his degree of inflexibility in his suit--and started grumbling great obscenities under his breath.

Turning to Celestia, Shining Armor said, "Princess, I think now would be a good time for me to return to the barracks. I need to have a... 'discussion' with some of my guards." Celestia nodded in agreement, and so Shining Armor turned and walked steadily down the road in the direction of the barracks, or so Caulk assumed.

Taking on a stoic demeanor, Celestia looked around at the multitudes of ponies around them. With a pained smile she said, "I think that now would be as good a time as any to remove ourselves from the eyes of the public with haste."

"Uh... No offense, but I think it's kind of a long-"

Before Caulk could finish his sentence, Celestia's horn glowed a bright gold. With a resounding CRACK! and a flash of gold light, Celestia, Rainbow Dash and Caulk vanished from the street.

~

With a thunderous CRACK! the Princess, Rainbow Dash and Caulk materialized within Caulk's impromptu quarters, causing the guards outside to jump with a start.

"... Walk," Caulk finished his sentence from earlier. He seemed to sway on his feet for a moment before sticking his arm out and bracing himself against the nearest wall of boxes, which turned out to be surprisingly sturdy. Rainbow Dash, being a pegasus, was able to recover from the vertigo that teleportation brought quickly, though she did plant her hooves firmly on the floor.

Staring down at the two ponies, Caulk said, "Okay, the next time you do something like... that, warn me first. My suit's filters can't handle puke all that well, and believe me, I know very well what happens if you do."

Well that explains how he relieves himself from within that suit, Celestia thought. Amidst all the goings-on, that had, ironically, been one of the biggest questions running through her head.

Now though, with Caulk's less than subtle unveiling to the public, Celestia could already feel the hounding and pressure the media would be placing on her. Hopefully, she could get the real story in the newspapers before the tabloids could start making claims of "conspiracy" or "scandal" or whatnot.

Before that could happen, she was going to need to get as much information from Caulk as she could before the inevitable news press conference, preferably in private.

"Rainbow Dash, please go back to the rest of your friends. I wish to speak privately with Caulk."

With a snappy salute, Rainbow Dash shot off like an arrow through the large door, leaving Caulk and Celestia alone.

Caulk had sat down by now, and was leaning against the wall. His slackness in his limbs told Celestia that he was feeling down about the whole incident, and almost felt bad for him about it. He was oddly quiet for a moment, then broke the silence with, "Ah, Hell, you're probably gonna kill me now, aren't you?" He sounded tired and defeated when he said this, as though he wanted to get something over with.

Much as Celestia wanted to not have to deal with Caulk anymore, to kill him would have been going too far out of line, especially given his circumstances.

"No," Celestia sighed. "No, I am not going to kill you. I will ask, however, that you do not repeat this--or anything like it, for that matter--in the near future."

"I've no intent of going through that again."

"Then we are in agreement?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Celestia breathed a sigh of relief at that. Took a moment to add this to her store of knowledge about Caulk, she decided to briefly review her knowledge of him up until this point. His species was war-like and aggressive, of that there was no doubt, given his prior actions. He certainly reminded her of Discord, being playful, energetic and an absolute hoofful to deal with. Unlike Discord, however, he seemed to know the limits of other people, as he had just demonstrated in his willingness to cooperate.

"Tell me, Caulk, do you know what tabloids are?"

"I would see 'em in convenience stores and drug stores next to the cash register back in the Confederacy days. It's basically gossip, right? And if I remember right, it's mostly crap."

"Back in the Confederacy days" gave Celestia pause. "That is about the gist of it, yes. What did you mean by 'the Confederacy days'?"

"Ah, yes. The days of relatively free speech. Yeah, tabloids were pretty common then, but Mengsk's... paranoid about losing his power. He really brought the hammer down on the press and all that. All the 'news' is nowadays is just pro-Mengsk propaganda, or at least, whatever's not censored."

"That is horrible! Why would he do something like that?"

"Like I said, he's paranoid, or at least that's what I think. There could be some other reason, but I'm willing to bet against it... Anyway, we're getting off track. You were talking about tabloids?"

Celestia stood aghast at what Caulk had just told her. In all her and Luna's years, they had always been of the opinion that everypony should have the right to make their voice heard. That was why they held open court for the better part of the week. Criticism was a good thing! A nation could not improve unless there was input from the ponies living in it, that was just common sense.

"Heh. You alright there?" Caulk chuckled, having noticed Celestia's stunned expression.

She snapped herself back to alertness with a shake of her head. "Apologies. Yes, now, you may or may not be aware of this, but you were not perceived as being a true po- excuse me, person until you... carried out your deal with Rainbow Dash."

"Okay..."

Celestia began pacing the floor in front of Caulk, his strange, red eyes following her hoofsteps. "Now that your presence is known, ponies will begin reporting the incident on a considerably large scale."

"And not accurately," he added for her.

"Precisely.  Now, I do not know of the tabloids where you come from, but here, they publish a new issue whenever something they consider 'important' occurs, unlike real news magazines."

Caulk rubbed his hands together, the metal palms making a grinding noise that sent chills down Celestia's spine. "So let me guess: you're going to try to get this all in the legit news to stop this thing before it completely fucks everything over."

"Exactly. I am going to need to call a press conference soon for that very reason, so I am going to need to wring you for information, if you don't mind. And please, watch your language, especially when there may be others listening."

"Sorry. Believe me when I say that Mengsk's censorship wasn't all that bad in that it got rid of capital gossip--that is a term, right? Problem is, now we hear about little Mengsk junior on the UNN all. The. Time. So yeah, whatever you need."

Celestia stopped pacing. The UNN must be some kind of magazine or newspaper, Celestia decided. "Good. Now, I imagine that the first thing the press is going to ask is 'why are you here?' 'Are you the first in an invasion force, or an expedition, or an attempt at first contact, or espionage'... They will want to know."

"As far as I know, Mengsk isn't organizing anything like that. But, uh, it's none of those, really. Long story short, I was patrolling around one of our bases on Braxis when I saw-"

"Braxis?" Celestia blurted, curiosity overcoming her manners.

"That's the ice planet I mentioned earlier," Caulk said with a wave of his hand. "It's almost as cold as Tyrador in the winter, only no hot cocoa for light-years around." He paused momentarily, possibly waiting for another interjection. "As I was saying, I saw something in this canyon we were all superstitious about and followed it underground to this really, really huge room filled with a couple hundred Warp Gates."

"What exactly are Warp Gates? I believe you mentioned one the other day."

"Two-way portals made by the Xel'Naga: a race of aliens from way back when that aren't around anymore."

So that was that device he was in front of when we found him, Celestia thought. I hope he is not too upset that it may be deactivated. She wanted to know what the Xel'naga were, but she decided that would be another discussion. "Ah, I see. You... may be disappointed to hear that the Gate on this side has appeared to be deactivated in that case."

Caulk tensed with a start, then his posture slumped. With a snort, he said, "Well, that sucks. I guess it would have been too much to ask for me to have an easy way back, huh?"

It was obviously rhetorical, so Celestia remained silent. Though, she was surprised at how well he managed to take that information.

"Anyway, back to the story. I saw that thing I was talking about go through one of the Warp Gates which apparently goes here. I didn't have any way to contact my base camp from underground so I ran back up to the surface. When I got there, one of Braxis' storms was blowing full force. If you've never seen a storm on Braxis, good. They make almost all forms of communication impossible, and the ones that would work I didn't have. You can't even be outside during one; you'll freeze to death in less than a minute if the snow doesn't shred you apart. And yes, I do actually mean snowflakes. Have you ever seen a half-meter-wide snowflake decapitate someone because the wind was blowing so hard? Let me tell ya, it ain't pretty."

Celestia cringed at his description of the storm. It suddenly made her want to pass a law that would require weather ponies to get rid of snow clouds during winter. "So then what happened?"

"Well, I was caught between three choices. I could either A, stay and starve, B, run out in the storm and end it, or C, go through that Warp Gate and have a small chance that whatever's on the other side wouldn't kill me. I think you know which one I chose."

"So that... thing you followed is here in Equestria?" Celestia asked, concerned that she had only found Caulk at the scene.

"Did you see it when you found me?"

"No. Do you know what it is?"

"Chances are, it's probably still here. I hate to sound melodramatic, but, uh, watch the skies. It wasn't Terran, Zerg or Protoss so it's a complete unknown to me. Best I can tell you is that it's an alien we've never encountered before. I've no idea what its goals are."

There was never something before that had given Celestia such pause as an unknown factor. They were unpredictable in all senses, and this was no exception. She hoped it was benign, as Caulk was, but she could not rule out that it may be of a level hostility she could not comprehend.

She tried to think of something else the press might ask, but she felt she needed to hurry and call the meeting. The thought of tabloids getting something out first terrified Celestia.

"I understand you may have hesitations about discussing it, but who are you?"

"Caulk?" he tried. Celestia simply fixed him with a stern gaze. "I'm not getting out of this am I?" She shook her head. "Damn... Fine. But don't judge me by the company I keep when you hear about them."

"I should think that others would say the same when referring to you."

"Hey, shut up. We're talkin' about me here!"

Celestia snickered to herself. "I'm sorry, go ahead. You could start with your military career I suppose."

Caulk raised his finger as though he was about to make a remark but stopped. He put it back down and said, "The most important thing to know about me is that my military career, my academic career or the lack of it, and the reason I'm reluctant to talk about my family is one big story. So just... bear with me.

"I was born thirty-five years ago in 2473 on Tyrador VIII. I never knew my mother, apparently she died in childbirth. My father was a man named Emil Narud, an incredibly respected member of the science community with about eight doctorates and head of the Moebius Foundation: the most wealthy and esteemed scientific research corporation in the entire Koprulu Sector."

"Koprulu Sector?"

"Just our name for the little corner of the galaxy that we Terrans inhabit. Anyway, you can kind of see where I may have had quite a bit to live up to." Caulk paused and let out a long sigh before continuing. "My father, being as rich as a Saudi prince, altered me before I was even born. He genetically engineered me to, literally, stand out in a crowd, among other things."

At this he reached behind his back and, with a pop, pulled out a metal measuring-stick that appeared to be collapsible into thirds. With a flick of his wrist, it snapped open to its full length, and Caulk placed it in front of her so that it was straight up and down with one end in the ground. The top of the stick went about to the middle of her chest.

"This is one meter. Average height for a Terran male is about one point eight meters. I'm over two point two." Celestia's eyes widened. Caulk must have utterly towered over other Terrans. He folded the meter stick and placed it behind is back where it stuck with a chk. "Yes, I know I'm about three meters when you look at me, but that's because of the suit.

"That's just one of my 'gifts'. The other one that stands out in me is my tolerance for alcohol. I should have died from cirrhosis ten years ago from how much I drink, but the doctors told me that my liver's still as good as new. I'm not an alcoholic mind you, I just really love the taste of vodka.

"So, I grew up, attending the most prestigious schools on Tyrador. Who sends a preschooler to a private school? I mean, like, seriously? Overkill much? When I went to college at eighteen, it was at the single most prestigious university in the entire sector. I was planning on double majoring in computer science and physics but... you guys know what computers are, right?"

Computers were not a prominent part of Equestrian culture, but there were arcades in Canterlot, and even one in Ponyville. "They are not as big here as they may be for you, but yes."

"Right, so, I was actually top of my computer science courses. I became a really good hacker after a while. In fact, I was even able to get into the Confederate databases through the internet. Heh. Guess what I found there? A complete archive of the entire internet from the early twenty-first century. That's where most of my... eccentricities come from, I suppose."

"What is the internet?" Celestia asked, "You mentioned it once before"

"Wow, that's a hard question. It's basically a network of computers that nowadays spreads across the entire sector. It's highly censored by Mengsk at this point, but it wasn't so bad during the Confederate years.

"My physics classes on the other hand... well... to say the least I started slipping in that class. It wasn't a problem really, until we got into theoretical physics. Good lord that shit's confusing. So, by this time I was two years into college, nineteen years old, basically. I decided (in hindsight this was a really bad idea) to hack into the school's computers and change my transcripts for that class.

"For a while, it seemed like I had pulled it off. But it wasn't until the summer after my second year that they apparently found some aberrations in the matrix for my transcripts. In short, I got caught and expelled for cheating. Boy, was Dad pissed. Here's something to know about my Dad: he has very powerful psionic powers. Were it not for the fact that I was twice his size and mastered three different martial arts, he probably would've succeeded in killing me."

"He tried to kill you!?" Celestia screeched in shock. That was horrible! How could a stallion do that to anypony, let alone their own foal?

"Ow! Not so loud! You'll make my ears bleed or something, I don't know, I studied CS and physics not bio and anatomy!"

"But does that not bother you?"

"Well, yeah, it did at the time, but it's been fifteen years! I've had plenty of time to come to terms with it." Caulk paused for a moment. "So after he removed me from his will and the entire family's genealogy, I was left on my own. I had an entire sector do stuff in and I had all this stuff I'd learned to do stuff. Here was the problem: I had been to court on trial for 'attempted murder' before this, so almost no place would hire me. Dad bailed me out each time though, mainly because he thought the stuff I did was hilarious."

"What did you do?" Celestia dared to ask.

"I'll tell you one story and that should give you a general idea. One of our holidays, at least, before Mengsk tore it down, was Halloween. It's difficult to summarize the entire holiday, but one of the traditions is making jack-o'-lanterns. For years I had carved these really kick-ass pumpkins and put them outside our house and every year some kids would smash it. After the first few times this had happened, I learned that it was always the same kids. When I was a little older, I decided to try and get back at them. I remember I had just hollowed out a pumpkin, no carvings or anything. After I had put it outside, I started mixing nitroglycerin inside of it the way Dad taught me. When I finished I put a note next to it that said: 'Pumpkin treated with nitroglycerin for chest pains. Do not smash.' The pumpkin wasn't gone, it was everywhere the next morning. Dad had laughed, saying that I was doing the gene pool a favor. Kind of a dick thing to say, now that I think about it."

At this point, Celestia's opinion of Caulk had dropped tenfold. "I think putting dynamite in a pumpkin is a 'dick thing to do'. Small wonder you were jailed."

"Hey, I wasn't trying to kill them, I just wanted to teach them a lesson. And they were fine, miraculously, so what's the big deal? Hell, even the judge was laughing his ass off! Yes, I realize you probably hate my guts for that, but hey, things have changed in the past seventeen years.

"Anyway, I couldn't find a place that would accept me after that. I eventually settled on volunteering for the Confederate Marine Corps, which when I joined... I don't know, something just clicked. It just felt right, like this was where I was meant to belong. In case you're a little confused, the bulk of our military, Confederacy and Dominion alike, is composed of resocialized criminals. Heh, I still remember the oath. 'I solemnly affirm my duty to support and defend the planets of the Terran Confederacy against all enemies, interstellar and domestic. I further affirm that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same and that I will strike against any and all threats to the continued progress of mankind in this sector'.

"After I breezed through basic like it was nobody's business, the Corps put me in Phi Squadron. The military back then was divided into a few massive units we called 'Squadrons'. General Duke was in charge of Alpha Squadron, and then there was Delta Squadron, Epsilon Squadron and so on. Each Squadron played a unique role. Alpha was advanced tactical strike ops while Epsilon was mostly border surveillance. But Phi Squadron? We were the elites. We were kept out of the public eye as much as possible, unless you were in a region we were fighting in, you never saw nor heard of us. That secrecy was part our greatest advantage. We were given the latest and greatest tech available, and we wiped the floor with it. As coincidence would have it, 'Phi' is the representative symbol for the Golden Ratio. Kinda fitting, seeing as how our strategies and tactics were flawlessly calculated.

"We won countless skirmishes against the Kel-Morian Combine and the Umojan Protectorate. But... during the First Great War eight years ago, we were disbanded by Mengsk after he came to power. Still not sure why, really. Individual platoons stayed together for a while, but they didn't last long.

"By the Second Great War four years later, Phi Squadron wasn't even a rumor. Fortunately, I made lots of connections to people that I'd met in those seven years of being in Phi. Don't be fooled, but the vast majority of the Koprulu Sector knows the name 'Caulk'. At least with other Terrans, I tend to be pretty damn charismatic and influential. I even met Mengsk once. Heh. We have... conflicting ideologies to say the least. I was in favor of creating a democratic republic, while he was in favor of his 'benevolent despotism', which is shit. So out of fear of me getting that idea into peoples' heads, he sent me off to Braxis to keep me isolated, and... well... the rest is history."

Celestia had already begun to amend her opinion of Caulk. An establishment of a democratic government would definitely help in earning somepony some favors. She was still perturbed by the part with the pumpkin, but she was convinced by now that he'd had a significant change of heart in the years that followed. "It seems you have already lived a full life," she observed.

"I have indeed."

There was still one question she had to ask.

"Why exactly were you drinking out of the fountain of all things?"

"I was, uh... thirsty?"

At that, Celestia and Caulk shared a laugh for the first time that day.

~~~

With the disappearance of the Royal Guards, Celestia, Rainbow Dash, and the enormous metal creature, the ponies of Canterlot that had been present stood silent and dumbstruck. Nopony had any clue just what exactly had just transpired.

Amidst the silence, a gray mare with a dark gray mane and treble clef cutie mark stood up on her hind legs and shouted:

"What the hay just happened!?"