An ominous figure presented itself on a random hill in Ponyville. Fitting, really, as his appearance and form was the real random factor of all of this. From the sunset's glow, this character stood, ready to Grace the elements before him. In order to make his presence truly awe-inspiring, he felt a war-cry was necessary. A cry that would echo through the bones of the meek and reverberate through the minds of the stalwart.
"Rabble Gabble ga da Rabble!" the figure screeched, forcing it out to truly reach the masses of Ponyville.
This creature, as majestic and... unorthodox as this, went by the name of Crackle the Wise. But his bros would call him Crackle, because it truly sounds funny.
His awesome presence in Ponyville Square for ten seconds flat brought all of the colts and fillies to his yard, simply because he had milkshakes. Milkshakes are good! Have you gone to Sheetz and had their awesome Sheetz Deals® drinks for $1.99? Only available through your free Sheetz Card©!
That's how Crackle paid his bills. He was a corporate spokesperson (whore!). He was known as a sage because he somehow knew of all of these low, low deals at places not even in their realm of existence!
He seemed to be the one to be boastful. Why was he boastful? Because his silky smooth vocabulary caused him to be the center of attention. Wait, that's not boasting at all! Apparently it was Twilight Sparkle who decided to be the attention whore and pirate this fanfiction.
The omnipotent and all-known Twilight Sparkle (she made me do it!) was, like, super jelly that everypony enjoyed Crackle's milkshakes.
"Who do I have to be lactose intolerant?" Twilight muttered to herself. "I love everypony! It's another Trixie again! It's time to show him what I'm made of!"
And so, she set off to deal with this dragon of boasts and milky desires, until suddenly--
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