Nothling

I land softly, careful to not lose my balance on the steep, paved sidewalk. Shifting my case within my wings, I briskly trot up the set of concrete stairs that sit to my immediate right, wanting to get out of the sun as soon as I can. I turn ninety degrees, the stairs cutting into a stone wall that lies before the front yard of my apartment building.

Hooves brushing past the dead, yellowing weeds that infest the front landing, I stop before a chipped, dark red door. I insert my key and wiggle it back and forth until the lock finally comes undone, accompanied by an audible scraping sound, then push the door open.

However, it stops not even two inches away from the door frame. “Ugh…” I groan, peeking through the crack and seeing the deadbolt chain. “Bloom, come on, it’s me! Open up!”

Silence.

“Hellooo?! I need this door open immediately; the sun’s out and I forgot my umbrella!”

At last, I hear hoofsteps on the other side, light green-colored eyes peering through the gap not much later. “Calm down princess, it’s only the sun,” Bloom says flatly, her face unamused.

Air rushes out my nose. “Easy for you to say,” I grumble, “now will you unbolt the damn door already?!”

She pauses for a bit before smirking. “I dunno, what’s the magic word?”

“I’m not buying you quenchers next time your estrus comes around.” I fold my front legs across my chest.

Her smirk fades. “Alright, alright, hold on,” she says, closing the door.

I hear a metallic slide and a bump before the knob turns. Once the door opens, I glare at the Unicorn before me. She has a short white mane and pink coat, the latter almost the same shade as Kix’s, which makes sense as she is his older cousin.

Bloom raises an eyebrow. “You gonna come inside, or is the sun suddenly not a problem anymore?”

I huff, brushing past her without a word

As I hear her shut the door behind me. I trot straight through the main room, right past the dilapidated orange wallpaper and the giant holes in the walls that peer into the adjacent rooms, navigating the mounds of dirty towels, cigarette buds, empty bowls, and other miscellaneous garbage. Being especially careful to not step on any discarded needles, I finally arrive at the door to my room.

I push the cracked white door open to reveal a narrow bedroom with low ceilings and a single-window high up in the back corner. An old couch and fold-out bed sit around a rickety table, stacked high with empty beer bottles, take-out containers, a full ashtray, and a cloudy bong. Next to that is a padded chair with a large off-white-colored radio set on the seat.

“Ugh,” I groan, dropping my case on the floor and jumping headfirst onto my sleeping bag, which is laid out over the couch cushions. “Mmm,” I let out as I curl up into a tight ball.

“So. Where have you been?”

My ears perk up, and I raise my head towards Kix’s bed. He sits with his journal lying in between his crossed legs, not looking in my direction.

I cringe. I knew this was coming, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. “Out,” I reply, glancing around the various band posters pinned to the walls.

A pause. “Have fun?”

“Yep,” I dismiss, turning over and closing my eyes.

“You must’ve... if you spent the whole night.” I hear the turn of a page and a lighter being flicked. I crack an eye open and look over at him. He glances down at me for a second, a cigarette between his lips.

I set my head back down, sighing. “It wasn’t anything like that.”

“Right,” he murmurs, closing the lighter and levitating it over to the table.

“No, really,” I begin, turning my head over to face him, “I just walked her home, checked out her shop—she makes these neon signs and stuff. She’s actually pretty shy. We didn’t really get up to much.”

Kix stares at me for a second before returning to his journal, pretending to give me no further regard.

I poke my tongue against one of my fangs. Part of me wants to interrogate him as to why he always cares so damn much about what I get up to, but that’d be pointless. It wouldn’t stop him at all; he doesn’t even know why he cares so much.

I roll over on the couch, burying my head in the cushions. If he could, he’d be chewing me out himself. Kix knows I don’t like it when he ‘babies’ me like that though, and already feels guilty about his overwhelming sense of compassion for ponies as it is. Hence the silent treatment.

Of course, I vastly prefer that to the alternative. Even then, it always hurts when he does this to me. It almost makes me feel as guilty as him, if not at least slightly uncomfortable.

I sigh again, sitting up on the sofa. Noting my sudden movement, Kix peers at me for a split second before catching himself and looking back down. He hides it well, but if closely examined, one can still see hints of worry in his expression. Even now, as I continue to stare at him with an almost pleading look, guilt joins it as well.

I close my eyes. There has to be something that I can say that will break the silence, but there’s very rarely anything that’ll get him to stop early. Still, I have to try.

I clear my throat. “She’s- umm…”

Kix looks up, but only to the wall.

Come on, think, what do I say? ”The mare that I walked home and all, she’s got- has, uh... body dysmorphia.”

His ears perk up and he brushes part of his long golden mane out of his face, slowly turning to me. I gulp. “Yeah,” I say, glancing off to the side.

Kix sits frozen for a long while before shaking his head sadly, looking back to his journal “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the pony you already are,” he says wistfully after taking a long drag from his cigarette.

My ears fold back as I nod. “That’s… kinda what I was trying to get her to realize. It’s why I stayed the night with her, but… I don’t think she really gets it yet.”

Taking another long drag from his cigarette, he looks up at me. Gone are his worry and guilt, replaced by a slight melancholy. After a long pause, he speaks again: “What’s her name?”

“Glow,” I say, resting my head against the back of the couch. “We have a date this Sunday.”

“A date?” he mirrors.

“Mmm-hmm,” I respond.

He smiles a bit. “You must really like her.” He raises his journal, turning the pages.

My lips curl up a little myself. “She’s nice.” I think about the cute buzzing and purring sounds she makes in her sleep with a small content smile. I almost can’t wait to see her again on- “Oh, shoot!” I blurt out.

“What’s the matter?” Kix lowers his journal.

“I forgot to tell her what time I’d stop by.” I scrunch my eyes shut and mentally chastise myself.

Kix gives a breathy laugh. “Guess it’ll just be a surprise then.”

“Gah,” I groan. “I hope she doesn’t mind.”

“Well, you said she’s shy. How shy are we talking?”

I smirk. “Worse than you.”

He gives a short, amused exhale through his nose. “For real.”

“Very,” I admit.

“Hmm. Well, then you won’t know if she minds anyway,” he posits.

“Guess you’re right. Although, not knowing what she thinks might be even worse.”

“Eh, it’s just one time. You’ll be alright,” he assures.

“I can only hope.” I sigh. Though he has a point; I’m worrying too much about what her reaction will be. I need to take my mind off this somehow…

I glance behind me, rolling towards the back of the couch and pulling up one of the cushions with my wing talon. I peer into the compartment and stick my hoof into the darkness, fumbling around until I pull out two plastic bags. One filled halfway with small squares of paper, the other with marijuana buds.

Perfect, I think, opening the one full of buds and dumping a single piece out into the center of my hoof, using my talons to split it into smaller pieces. After that, I do the same with a single square of paper in my other hoof, placing the broken up bud into the middle.

“You want one?” I say, peering up at Kix as I use both my hooves and wings to roll up the joint.

“Mmm-mmm,” he shakes his head.

I pause at that, raising an eyebrow with my long Thestral tongue licking the open end. He must really be thinking about what I said. I hope I didn’t push him into one of his moods again, I think.

I finish rolling and place the blunt between my lips, scooting to the left and leaning over to the edge of the couch. “Can you light me?” I ask, puckering my lips out.

Kix looks up and ignites his horn. A pale-green aura surrounds the lighter on the table as it levitates over to me and flicks open. A small flame dances at the end of my joint as I puff a few times to get a good cherry going.

“Thanks,” I mumble out of the corner of my mouth, taking a long pull and holding it in. “So what have you been up to?” I say, pinching the home-rolled joint in my talon, still holding my breath.

He looks up at me after returning the lighter to its spot and then smirks a little, glancing away. Setting his journal down, he leans off the edge of the bed towards the side that’s hidden from me, shuffling around for something.

I exhale, blowing out the smoke towards the other end of the room, coughing once as my ears perk up, trying to listen for what he’s looking for. He finally finds whatever it is and levitates what looks like a comic book over to me, still wrapped in plastic. Once it’s within reach, I hold my hooves out and he drops it, allowing me to get a better look.

A sultry looking, butter-yellow Pegasus mare with a lightning-blue swept-back mane lays across the cover, her legs spread out in either direction. From her position on her back, it would be easy to see what’s between them. That is, if it weren’t for her tail, strategically placed to block out the view of all the good bits.

“Woah,” I say, nearly letting my joint fall from my lips, as her seductive spring-green eyes look back into mine. “I heard Misty Fly was gonna be the new cover filly for this month, but... hot damn.” My wings twitch.

I hear a short exhale. “Just wait ‘till you get to the four-page photo shoot,” Kix chuckles.

“Huh?” I look up, seeing him waving an identical copy unwrapped. “What? How’d you pay for these?”

“Hey, you spend your bits on negronis, I spend mine on more… material things,” he argues.

“Porn. You spend your bits on porn,” I say flatly, taking another pull from my joint.

I just barely notice it, but I catch him smirking just a little. “Hey now, if I remember correctly, it was you who introduced me to Playcolt magazine,” he says in his low, slowly spoken voice. “I’ll have you know I was the perfect little goodie child before you showed up. Never did anything that Celestia herself wouldn’t approve of.”

I exhale in a half-laugh. “You and I both know that’s total shit-talk. If anything, you’ve mellowed out since I came along, you delinquent.”

His half-smile subtly grows. “Mmmhm, and what about you, Miss Night-guard? You used to get into just as much trouble.”

“Hey!” I catch my joint as it falls from my lips. “I was a damn-good cadet. Just didn’t like getting told what to do all the time, is all.”

“That’s not the impression I got.” He attempts to feign being in thought, but he fails to conceal the genuine grin that finally rests on his face.

“Yeah, well, you try taking orders when you’re an angry, pent-up, horny teenage filly,” I say, leaning back.

“Sometimes I think I am an angry, pent-up, horny teenage filly,” he states.

I laugh openly. “What, got a sickness for the thickness, fem-boy?” I tease.

He shakes his head slowly with the smile that he still attempts to hide. “You know, that’s where I envy you,” he says with a twinkle in his emerald eye. “I wish I were gay too, just so I could piss off all the homophobes.”

I giggle like a schoolgirl, taking another puff from my quickly shrinking blunt.

****

I turn another page. A white Unicorn mare with a pink and purple mane looks back over, her withers towards me, her tail flipped to the side. I’m glad my wings are pinned between the couch and me, less I want to give Kix a free show. Not like it hasn't happened before but...

Well… I look up at Kix as he reads some sort of comic book, considering.

...Nah, not right now, I think, pressing my legs together.

A quick knocking cuts through the song playing quietly on the radio, getting both mine and Kix’s attention. I turn my head back toward the door as it’s pushed inwards. Bloom stands at the entrance, long legs clad in black fishnet stockings. Her lashes long and dark with eyeliner. Even her lips look like she’s applied some gloss to them, although the overall look isn’t anything new.

“I’m heading to work,” she says in a flat tone. “Make sure you lock up after me. And don’t answer for anyone you don’t know.”

“Yeah, we know, mom,” I wave a dismissive hoof at her, returning to my magazine.

“And stay out of my room!” she orders. “If you need condoms for your little bedroom excursions, you can go buy them yourself!”

“Hey!” I turn around again. “I haven’t laid a colt in like, months, so you’re probably just going through them faster than you realize!” I argue.

She exhales audibly. “Whatever, just stay out.” She jabs a hoof towards me.

“Yeah, yeah. No snooping; we get it,” I grumble, looking over at Kix.

He simply nods his head.

Apparently, Bloom finds that acceptable and finally heads out. After hearing the front door open, close, and then lock, I set my magazine down on the back of the couch while Kix goes to lock the deadbolt.

It’s a little past sundown currently, the dim light from outside shining around the blinds of our small window’s edges. Normally, I would have finished my breakfast by now, but my sleep schedule tends to get messed up for a few days when I go home with somepony after a show. Being awake during the day is tiring for a Thestral, and I am certainly no exception.

I give a long yawn, smacking my lips a few times after.

“Sleepy?” Kix asks, having returned.

“Yeah,” I say as he hops up onto the couch with me. I rest my legs back down across his thighs. “I couldn’t fly with the sun out. I guess I’m just out of shape a little bit. Walking can wear me out so much,” I reason.

“You didn’t even have wing binders?” He asks, looking over at me with a raised ear.

“Uh-uh, no binders, no socks, no umbrella. Just me and Celestia’s big ol’ death ray,” I grumble.

“Are your wings okay? They didn’t get burned did they?” He leans closer to take a look but stops himself, returning to his spot. “Sorry,” he mutters, most likely afraid that he’s babying me again.

“It’s alright,” I assure him, “they’re okay. I’ve had worse,” I say through a yawn.

“Heh, yeah,” he chuckles. “Remember that time when we were kids and tried to set up near the square?”

“Ugh,” I groan. “Don’t remind me. I couldn’t lay down comfortably for weeks after that,” I say, thinking about performing out on the streets for all the tourists.

Kix’s ears fold back a little and he remains quiet for a while. I wait patiently until he finally looks over towards me.

“Do you ever think you’ll want to go back to Canterlot?” he asks.

I’m more than a little caught off guard by the question. Especially because I knew he always hated it, and couldn’t wait to move away.

I think for a moment for the right thing to say. “Maybe just to visit,” I start. “I mean, sometimes I dream about it, and I get… nostalgic. But there’s also a lot I didn’t like,” I explain. “For one, everypony in Canterlot’s a total jerk-off! You know that.”

“Yeah,” he looks off to the side. “Sometimes I feel like it was a whole lot simpler though.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

“I don’t know, just…” he pauses. “It was easy back then. Just you and me versus the world, and the only thing that mattered was finding a way out of there,” he iterates. “I guess it’s still like that, but… it’s just a whole lot messier now.” He sighs.

I look him over, thinking about what he said. It was true. It had always been our plan to just make enough bits to get away from Canterlot. The only reason we landed in Las Pegasus was because Kix knew Bloom had moved out here a couple years prior. But after we left, those plans had never really quite changed. It’s still, ‘make enough bits to run away’. Only now, there isn’t really somewhere else to go.

I sit up and scoot over to his side, wrapping a hoof around his lower back. “It’s still you and me Kix. One day we’ll have enough bits to buy a cozy little house somewhere, with room to build that studio we always wanted. Maybe we’ll even land a record deal soon and get to move to Applewood or Seaddle,” I smile.

He looks at me and puts on a fake-looking smile. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m just being an emotional foal.”

I lean my head against his shoulder. “No, you’re not,” I say, resting a hoof on his chest and letting out a long yawn. “You’re just being you, and that’s okay.” I smile warmly and, slowly, my heavy eyelids droop.

Maybe just a quick nap, I think. Just for a few minutes.

****