On a beautiful, late Spring morning, a pretty little butter yellow pegasus leisurely trotted down a narrow beaten path in a forest just a mile away from the village of Ponyville. The friendly neighborhood animal caretaker Fluttershy wasn't much for flying everywhere as was her best friend Rainbow Dash, and especially not so much at this moment was she was carrying quite the weight on her back. As Celestia's sun shined through the trees and the self insufficient birds that can't seem to survive without Fluttershy feeding them every single day sang, Fluttershy trotted down the firm dirt path with a few items on her back that she felt would aid in today's mission.
On her back, she carried a phonograph, a box of strawberries, another box of romance novels, a hefty bundle of roses and an encyclopedia on the many species of freshwater fish that call Equestria their home. Over the past couple of years, Fluttershy had been trying her hoof at caring for fish and other aquatic life, something she hadn't much experience with. Over the past two years, she had been stocking a nearby pond with what seemed at a glance to just be simple Equestrian carp, and now that they had all reached maturity, she would help put them in the mood for their spawning season.
Fluttershy was no stranger to some of the more unsightly parts of caring for animals which included encouraging copulation in order to establish a healthy breeding population but she had never made such an attempt with fish before. After several raids on Twilight Sparkle's library however, she felt that she had done sufficient enough research into the subject and was now ready to help these fish find their special somefishy. As far as she knew, every animals needed her help within every aspect of their lives and could not survive without her intervention and to tell her otherwise was simply heressy.
Having now made it to the banks of the pond which was roughly half an acre in surface area and about six feet in depth at the deepest point, the sweet pegasus took a good whiff of the divine aroma that was of a nearby lilac bush before getting to work on her latest project. Having set up the phonograph to play a nice, relaxing tune that one might think of a romantic candle lit dinner upon hearing. As per her research, Fluttershy learned that carp enjoy sweet fruit such as strawberries and will often feel encouraged to engage in their mating rituals once consumed. Listening to such a sweet, angelic voice reading steamy romance novels was sure to coax the fish into coitus as well. Lastly, she proceeded to toss the petals of the roses onto the surface of the pond which quickly spread out and floated about the pond.
"Well, it works for ponies..." Fluttershy said to herself in between humming to herself. "Why would it be different for these little guys?"
Satisfied with her work so far, Fluttershy admired the pretty sight of the crimson rose petals floating upon the surface of the pond and just as she was about to start tossing berries in, she noticed something that in a way, sort of tainted what was otherwise a pretty picture. The once crystal clear water of the pond was now a murky, muddy shade of brown and since it prevented her from being able to see the carp, Fluttershy became slightly worried. She promptly began flipping through the book she had brought with her in hopes of finding an explanation.
"Let's see..." Fluttershy said to herself as she read the text regarding typical carp behaviors. "Waters where Equestrian carp are present is rarely clear as the fish have the tendency to stir up mud from the bottom while in search of food and waters can become especially murker during spawning season...well this can't be right. I haven't been here to get them ready to spawn. Are they doing it on their own?"
Confused, Fluttershy closed the book and placed it back into her saddlebag before proceeded to trot along the banks of the pond in hopes of spotting one of the fish she stocked in it last Spring. She would prove unsuccessful as the water was simply much to murky. She thought perhaps she would entice the carpo out of hiding by tossing in those sweet, delicious strawberries and hopefully things may go according to plan from there. With the music playing a rose petals floating in the water, there was only one thing left to do.
One by one, Fluttershy tossed in the berries and within five or so minutes, the box was empty and every last berry was now floating alongside the rose petals. Surely the fish would soon surface to begin feeding and could listen to Fluttershy read the romance novels while they enjoyed their sweet breakfast. After several minutes, no such luck. Fluttershy was becoming worried.
"Where is everyfishy?" Fluttershy asked herself as she spread her wings as to hover over the pond in search of any sign of life in the muddy pond. "Hello? Don't be scared. You can all come out."
Finally, at long last, a sign of life suddenly emerged and broke the surface, slightly startling the timid pony though at the same time much to her relief. Fluttershy now had company in the form of a big, fat fish poking its thick, broad head from under the water, it's mouth opening and closing as it pumped water around its gills to breathe. With the fact that the fish had not somehow died out or been fishnapped, Fluttershy plopped herself back down at the bank of the pond where she would then proceed to investigate further with the help of the large brown fish that swam before her.
"Well hello there, lit-er...big guy!" Fluttershy greeted the fish sweetly as it stared blankly up at her.
Upon closer observation, Fluttershy noticed the thick lips and small, one inch long whiskers at each corner of the fish's mouth and the large, dark brown scales which positively identified it as one of the carp she released into the pond last year. She was pleasantly surprised to see that it had grown much larger than she expected, having been not much bigger than a hoofball when she last saw it. Now, it was easily three times the size it was back then which could only be a good sign that the pond was well able to sustain a growing population of these large, robust fish.
"Come on over!" Fluttershy called over as the thick fish swam closer and stopped before her at the bank. "Oh my, you've really grown! Where are your friends?"
The fish just continued to awkwardly stare blankly at Fluttershy as she attempted to communicate with it. Upon further observation, Fluttershy noticed a patch of small, white bumps all over the bony gill flaps of the fish, indicating that it was a male and probably having trouble searching for a mate in such murky waters. Perhaps he needed some help?
"Have you seen any other carp lately?" Fluttershy asked. "I bet I can get your friends to come out and join y-"
"Fuck you! Fuck all you mother fuckers!" The fish shouted angrily, much to Fluttershy's shock.
Surely this wasn't really happening. There is no possible way that Fluttershy was finding herself at the bank of a small pond face to face with one of its scaley residents whom of which had just dropped not one, not two, but three f bombs. After violently shaking her head followed by rubbing her eyes, and tilting her head giving it a good tap to make sure nothing was caught in her ears for good measure, the fish chimed in again and had managed to summon a pondmate.
"Yeah fuck you, fucking dick suckers!" The fish shouted before Fluttershy could even think to respond.
"Hey, fuck you, you can suck my fucking dick, you cunt grabber!" Another somewhat larger and more lazy, less aggressive fish said aloud as he poked his head up out of the water.
The first fish then turned around to face the second one to throw in his own two or several bits.
"Yeah, fuck you, you're the cunt grabber, you fucking shitbag!" The first fish angrily retorted.
"Two balls and a dick! Two balls and a dick in your fucking mouth, you fucker!"
"W-wait, that doesn't make any sense!" Fluttershy attempted to interrupt to no avail. "You don't even have external sex organs!"
"Blow me, you dick tickler!" The first fish said to the second, completely ignoring the pony attempting to play peacekeeper.
"The fuck I will, you milt chugging pud whacker!"
Fluttershy couldn't just sit idly by as these two fish spat such vulgar verbal venom at each other and possibly break out into a physical fight. As the irate and possibly sexually frustrated carp shouted horrible obscenities back and forth, Fluttershy could no longer allow it to continue for fear that the fish could soon harm each other bodily. She simply had to step in as to avoid an uproar in the pond on this otherwise quiet and beautiful Spring morning.
"That's enough you two!" Fluttershy shouted with a stomp of her hoof as to grab the fish's attention. It seemed to work, as the two angry carp swiftly turned to face the pony whom would take it upon herself to restore order. "You fishies can't just float there and say such nasty, horrible things to each other! You're neighbors! You share this little body of water like the rest of your friends and-"
"FuckyouI'llkillallyoumotherfuckersifit'sthelastfuckingthingIeverdoinmyfuckinglifeIfuckinghateyouIhateyouIhateyouuu!!!" A smaller albeit much more aggressive carp screamed at the top of it's lu-er...gills as it stormed its way over to join the ruckus. This undid Fluttershy's attempt at keeping the peace and the other two fish went right back to arguing again.
"You're not killing shit you fucking son of a bitch!" The first fish on the scene retorted.
"You fucking pussy!" The second fish said smugly as the smaller, meaner carp continued screaming threats and obscenities. "You fucking pussy, you don't have the sack!"
"Bring your shit then, bitch!" The first fish challenged. "Bring your fucking shit!"
"I'll break my tail off in your ass!"
"Enough!!" Fluttershy shouted as she swiftly took to the air and hovered over the three naughty fish. "I didn't want to do this but you three leave me no choice!"
Having once again commanded attention from the rowdy pondmates, Fluttershy played her ace and glared down at the three rude carp with her signature disapproving stare. Save for Discord, this move had yet to fail her since and she expected to soon regain control of the fish and ultimately correct their behavior and resume with her plan to help them procreate. After about twenty seconds of glaring down at them, the stare seemed to be working as the fish stared blankly back up at her like the first one had before it went into its tyrade. It was when all three of them suddenly curled their pectoral fins in the shape of middle digits sticking up in the shape of a vulgar gesture that Fluttershy let out a frustrated "ugh!" For the second time in her life, her stare failed.
"If you had any balls, you'd get your ass down here and I'll fuck you up, you little bitch!" The first fish Fluttershy encountered threatened. "Come on down, asswipe, I'll slap you stupid!"
"Fuck off, you dumbass mother fucker!" The second, larger and now slightly more agitated carp rudely dismissed. "We're trying to get laid in here!"
"GofuckyourselfyoufuckingbitchI'llsmackyouwithmyfuckingtailandkockyourfuckingassoutandholdyouunderuntilthefuckingbubblesstopthenI'lleatyourfuckingcarcassasitrotsonthebottomofthisdamnpondyoustupidfuckingbitch!" The smaller fish screamed as it continued its aggressive rant.
"Hey!" Another voice said from the other side of the pond in the form of a more feminine sounding creature. Sure enough, the three aggressive and frustrated males suddenly turned to face the source of the voice whom of which was a female ready and available for them to breed. "You stupid fucks swim your fucking asses over here and squirt on these fucking eggs, you fartsuckers!"
"Awe fuck yeah!!" The three fish yelled in unison as they turned tail and bolted over to the awaiting female as to fertilize her eggs.
Fluttershy couldn't believe her eyes and ears and she slowly descended back down to the banks of the pond as the waters suddenly erupted in a miniature sea of foul language and dirty, slimy, smelly, crazy, stupid fish sex. Every square inch of the water's surface was now occupied by hundreds upon hundreds or horny carp that splashed, swore, moaned, and squealed in utter bliss as they spewed eggs and sperm in all different directions. Much of the unpleasant bodily fluids ended up on the shores of the pond and even all over Fluttershy's face and body as she sat there flabbergasted, luckily with her mouth closed.
As the aquatic orgy raged on in full swing, once regaining a modicum of her composure, Fluttershy opened the now milt covered encyclopedia with a shaky hoof and hastily flipped through the pages in hopes of finding some sort of answer. She reached the carp section of the book and quickly scanned the pages to find an explanation, though incredibly confusing and outright ludicrous, an explanation nevertheless.
"The common Equestrian Carp has several subspecies, some of which may be difficult to identify..." Fluttershy read aloud. "For example the Equestrian Cursing Carp can only be distinguished by their unique habit of blurting out...curse words...once disturbed or agitated...particularly during...spawning season in the late Spring...well shit..."
Covered in fish eggs and sperm, an immensely embarrassed and irritated Fluttershy took one last look at the noisy pond which had now taken on the hue of a chocolate milkshake and getting whiter by the second, and hastily packed up her things and took her leave. Being soaked in fish cum, her feathers were too wet to fly and the temperature was quickly rising as Celestia's sun lit up the sky, making for what would be a very unpleasant and soon foul smelling trot home. Fluttershy could only hope that nopony would end up seeing her in such a state. Much to her further frustration, she would not even be granted such serenity as a familiar orange mare donning a stetson upon her head trotted in the opposite direction down the path.
"Well howdy, Fluttershy!" Fluttershy's dear friend Applejack greeted, her smile taking its abrupt leave upon getting a closer look at her seemingly furious pegasus friend. "Uh, w-what was all that cussin' back there? And what's all that white stuff all ov-"
"Don't...fucking...ask..."
Author's Note
Just a stupid, ridiculous, asinine, silly, crazy ass idea that popped into my head and I wrote on a complete whim for no good reason whatsoever. I hope you enjoy this garbage. *Takes a bow*
