I Can’t Cry, So I Must Scream

by The Sleepless Beholder

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Suicide / Self Harm, Queen Chrysalis, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1108

After losing her hive and all her followers, Chrysalis must confront those who she has wronged.

After losing her hive and all her followers, Chrysalis must confront those who she has wronged.

Reviewed by The Red Parade: Review

Published 2020-06-18 17:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-18 17:50:00 UTC

My Final Battle

A calm night. A starry sky. A silent forest. Home of the now self-banished queen of the changelings.
Months had passed since her defeat. Since the loss of her hive. Since the loss of her followers.
She had Equestria in her hooves, and just as quickly lost it all. All she had. All she was.
Nopony saw her as queen anymore. Nopony saw her as a changeling anymore. Thorax and his hive were the changelings now. She was nothing. A bad memory at best.
And now. At rock bottom. She found herself screaming.
In a little clearing in the forest, close to the cave she called home, she had been surrounded by her worst enemies.

“This is your own fault,” Thorax said with a calm voice, looking at Chrysalis.

The changeling queen turned to him. “It’s not! All this is the fault of Starlight Glimmer! She-”

“How many times are you going to repeat that lie!” Starlight screamed, eyes filled with rage.

Chrysalis turned towards her. “It’s the truth!”

“You don’t even believe it yourself anymore!” she screamed back.

“She’s right,” Pharynx said, standing beside her. Chrysalis turned to the only changeling still uncorrupted by the friendship. Her only loyal follower. The only one who worried about her. “You can’t continue like this.”

Thorax took a step towards the queen. “If you just had been a better queen for your hive. None of this would’ve happened.”

Chrysalis shook her head violently. “What was so wrong about it?! We won! We took Equestria! We only failed because-.”

“Because of you,” Thorax interrupted her, his voice still calm, and still hurtful. “You dug your own grave in this. And closed the only door you had to be better.”

Chrysalis turned towards Starlight. “It wasn’t an option!”

“It was!” the unicorn screamed. “You knew it was! You knew you could’ve stayed and lived a better life.”

“I would’ve been a slave!” Chrysalis screamed, trying to be louder than her. “I would’ve lost what makes me queen! What makes me who I am!”

“A failure,” Thorax said without any kind of malice. “A queen without a throne, kingdom, or followers. A changeling without love. A dying flame.”

“I can take it all back!” Chrysalis screamed, her throat getting sore. “I just need a plan! I have plenty of options!”

“You’ve tried,” Pharynx said, looking sad. “It didn’t work.”

Chrysalis shook her head. “Just a minor setback! I can come up with more plans! One of them has to work!”

“Would they really?” He asked, sending a shiver across her body.

“Your plans only end in failure!” Starlight screamed. “They fail because you’re a failure! You are just too proud to admit it!”

Chrysalis turned towards her. “Then what other option do I have?!”

“You know the option,” Thorax said. “You’ve thought about it for a long time now. You’re just scared to take it.”

“You would’ve done it already if you weren’t such a coward!” Starlight screamed.

“It would be the best,” Pharynx said, almost begging. “You wouldn’t need to suffer anymore.”

Chrysalis felt cornered. “No… No! I won’t do it! I won’t!”

“You know you want to,” Thorax said.

Chrysalis shook her head. “It’s not the same!”

“Stop avoiding it and just do it!” Starlight screamed, her voice louder than before.

She screamed louder. “I don’t want to!”

“You do.” Pharynx soft voice was louder to her ears. “You know it’s inevitable.”

Chrysalis clenched her teeth. “I won’t! I’ve options! I can still win!”

“It’s useless!” Starlight screamed. “How many failures do you have to suffer until you realize it?!”

“It’s not over yet!” Chrysalis screamed back at her.

“It is,” Thorax said, his voice always calm. “It has been for a long time. You’re just denying it.”

Chrysalis shook her head again. “I just need one more try! I-”

Starlight interrupted her. “And what will change this time?! How will this plan work different than the others?! How can you even dream of winning?!”

Chrysalis screamed as loud as she could. “It will be different! It has to be!”

“It won’t,” Thorax said. “You know it won’t.”

Chrysalis shook her head. “I can’t just give up!”

“You can,” Thorax countered.

“I don’t want to give up!”

“You do!” Starlight screamed.

Chrysalis screamed as loud as she could, finding no more words to defend herself.

“You should just do it,” Pharynx said, putting a hoof on her shoulder.

Chrysalis screamed as she charged her horn and fired a blast towards Thorax, but the image banished even before the magic hit him. She then fired at Starlight, making her banish like the changeling.
She continued her assault on the ponies around her, the blasts of her magic setting fire to the trees. Thorax and Starlight reappeared again and again, so she kept firing, setting more of the woods ablaze.

She continued screaming with all her soul, never being able to fully destroy them, but Pharynx cheered her on with his soft, sad voice. “It will all be over soon. Just a little more.”

The forest around her had turned into a raging inferno, but the figures of her enemies remained. Silent, but staring. Always judging her for what she was. For what she never wanted to admit was true.
She tried another blast, but the spell failed. Her magic was running low.

“Just a bit more,” Pharynx said. “A bit more and you can finally rest.”

Chrysalis concentrated on her horn, gathering the little love she had left, and fired one last blast of magic before collapsing on the ground.
She could barely breathe, her lungs feeling like they were filled with smoke, her sight was unfocused, her body felt cold around so much fire, and her heart weighted as if it were made of lead. But Pharynx voice was still clear to her ears.

“It’s time to rest. Just a few more steps.” Chrysalis forced herself up and waddled towards the cave she called home. “I will be here for you.”

“Thanks Pharynx,” The queen mumbled. “You’re my most loyal subject.” She faced the wall of fire she had created, standing in her way to the cave. “My only friend.”
She stepped into the fire and continued her march towards the cave. Never reaching it.

Author's Note

You can be your best friend. You can be your worst enemy. And no matter what you do, you’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life.

I hope you two are getting along.

This was based on an actual conversation I had.
It’s curious to me how I find the villains more relatable than the heroes.