Viva la Vodka

by Liquid Truth

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Narcotics, Sad
Length: 6933

Lavender horse discovers better water.

Twilight drank. Rainbow helped.

Contains TwiDash and descriptions of excessive alcohol use. Please drink responsibly and in moderation, if at all.

Published 2020-06-19 14:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-19 14:50:00 UTC

Aqua de Vodka

The night was young.

The library was silent save for the flitter-flutter of pages turning. A baby dragon was sleeping nearby, but his breathing was stable and peaceful. The single waking soul in the room was exhausted after compiling her research papers and sending her friendship report, yet a good book was always a good excuse for another hour away from the dream realm.

Twilight Sparkle paid no attention to the outside world, but she was grateful for the new light the moon brought her. It was maybe a placebo effect, but she swore that the moon was brighter after Princess Luna’s return. It gave her more vision during the night, more ability to read with fewer candles to spend.

And she looked up from her book to the bright moon outside her window and smiled. The night’s breeze was pleasant and comforting. The stars were smiling upon her, and so is the row of teeth.

“Hey, Twilight!”

Twilight dusted herself, gently dislodged the book from Rainbow Dash’s face, then glared.

Rainbow rubbed her flattened face and chuckled nervously. “Uh, hey, Twilight?”

“It’s in the middle of the night, Rainbow. If this is nothing important, I’ll hit you again.”

“Well,” Rainbow started, tracing a circle with her hoof, “I was wondering, do you drink?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You mean alcohol?” At Rainbow’s nod, Twilight shook her head. “I don’t drink.”

Rainbow smirked. “Well, do you want to try?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Aw, come on!” Rainbow hopped inside and draped a wing over Twilight. “It’ll be fun! Plus, you’ll learn some friendship stuff, I’m sure!”

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Is deliberately poisoning yourself some kind of friendship activity?”

Rainbow nodded. “So, what do you say? Just for tonight?”

“I… guess? I’m still not sure it’s a good idea.”

“I mean, it is a bad idea.” Rainbow raised her hoof before Twilight could object. “But I promise I’ll be there for you if you get drunk.”

Twilight leveled a stare. “You mean I’ll be there when you got yourself blackout-drunk.”

“Hey, give me some credit. I drink responsibly.”

“Really, now?”

She wriggled her eyebrows. “Don’t you know who I am?”

Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it back. The Element of Loyalty, of course. She bit her lip. “Well…”

Rainbow’s grin faltered. “Wait, how old are you?”

Twilight coughed. “Just about the legal drinking age.”

Rainbow’s grin returned. “Great! Now, come on!”

And just like that, Twilight was in a tavern with several merry ponies. Rainbow went straight to the counter with Twilight in tow, and before Twilight could know what was happening, a glass of something clear-red with cranberries on top was served.

Twilight took the glass tentatively in her telekinesis, eyeing it from every direction, albeit unsuccessfully as the liquid didn’t spin with the glass. She took her eyes off the glass to meet two magenta eyes, looking at her conspiratorially. “What is this?”

“Vodka cranberry,” Rainbow said. “Just try it. I’ll finish it up if you couldn’t.”

Twilight put the glass to her lip. The smell was strong on her nose, reminding her of antiseptic. For a second she faltered, thinking just how poisonous it actually was, but then she saw Rainbow’s face at her peripheral vision and her muscles relaxed. She took a sip.

Twilight took the glass away as she lurched. She felt her stomach spasm as her body screamed, THAT’S POISON! and pushed it back out. Twilight fought it, screaming back to her body, It’s fine it’s fine it’s totally fine and, after much effort, swallowed it hard.

Twilight took a deep breath. She heard laughing from the few other patrons, judging her from the other side of the room. She closed her eyes as she waited for Rainbow to join, but it never came. Opening her eyes, she saw that Rainbow still kept her conspiratory smirk and noticed that she had a wing over her all this time.

“So, like it?”

“It’s horrible!”

Rainbow shrugged as she slipped her wing away and used it to take the glass. “Suit yourself.”

Twilight watched in fascination as Rainbow took a gulp—a full gulp!—of the stuff that nearly killed her. Just as casually did Rainbow put the glass back down and leaned her head on a hoof. Twilight shook her head. “How did you do that?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Experience. The first time for me it tasted like death and vomiting, too, but after a few more drinks it gets more acceptable.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “When did you start drinking?”

Rainbow made quick circles with her hoof. “Eh, about three years ago? But I didn’t—”

“Wait, three years!? How old are you!?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Three years above the legal drinking age? What, you think I dropped out of high school just because I’m in the weather team?”

Twilight averted her eyes.

Rainbow snorted. “Geez, what a friend you are.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t—”

Rainbow bopped her. “Relax, a lot of other ponies thought that.” She took another gulp, leaving the glass half-full.

Twilight eyed the drink as Rainbow blew a relaxed breath, leaning on the counter with a level of contentedness Twilight thought Rainbow couldn’t achieve. She felt her lip drying and somehow, somewhat, wanting more. She knew full well what addiction was, and she was sure this wasn’t it since she barely got anything into her system.

The drink slid slowly to her side. Twilight averted her eyes, but just as quickly she found herself looking back at that silly grin and the drink.

“Another try?”

Twilight took another sip. Her stomach still lurched, but now she could swallow it with less effort. Her eyes scrunched as she forced another sip, and on that third one did she first found the trace hint of cranberries among the deathly horribleness.

Just as she was about to take another sip, Rainbow took it from her telekinetic grip. She stared at the pegasus in confusion.

“Take it easy, Twi. You’re not impressing anypony.”

“I’m not—”

Rainbow downed the rest of the drink. Twilight felt something, something, something she couldn’t quite describe. It was something of a loss and disappointment but at the same time relief and guilt.

Rainbow spun around and leaned back on the counter. “Another round? But you’ll have to finish it.”

Twilight shook her head. “N-no, no, that’s fine.”

“Right.” Rainbow leaned further back. “Enjoy your time, now.”

Twilight tilted her head. “That’s it? I thought ponies drink more than that.”

“That’s what mothers would say after divorcing an alcoholic.” Rainbow bobbed her head. “So their children won’t be one. You don’t always have to be drunk after a trip to the bar, you know? Not everypony here is depressed.”

“Right, I’m—”

“Sorry?” Rainbow laughed at Twilight’s look. “Nah. You’re so naive it’s cute.”

Twilight sputtered. “Excuse me?”

Rainbow chuckled. “Nevermind.”

Bottoms Up

Fifteen mares on a dead mare’s chest,

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

The night was young and Twilight stood close to Rainbow, somewhat afraid of the circle of laughing and singing ponies. Some of them were visibly wobbly and unable to hold a stable grip on the ground. Some of them were audibly gibberish. Some of them were both. Some of them were soberly laughing at their fellow drunken comrades.

Rainbow Dash glanced to find that Twilight was giving her a worried look. Rainbow gave her a confident smirk and trotted forward more confidently.

Only a week has passed and Twilight’s curiosity got the better of her. She was not addicted, she was curious. Nopony got addiction from only three sips.

As the song continued on, Twilight trotted on and on and sat on the high stool of the bar. Rainbow sat next to her, still wearing that silly grin from last week.

“Want your own drink this time?”

Twilight bit her lip and stared at the multitude of names of the drinks she had never even heard before. She didn’t know what any of them were nor what she’d like; maybe she was there only because she enjoyed—for once—a calm and mellow company of Rainbow Dash. She wasn’t quite sure, but last week’s session has been a pleasant one.

Rainbow chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes. What’s on your mind?”

Twilight shook her head. “I don’t know what any of those are.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Something sweet? Bitter?”

“Maybe something… bittersweet? I like the last drink but maybe I want something less… fruity and with more body.”

Rainbow stared into space for a while before nodding. “Cocktails don’t work like coffee, Twi.”

“I don’t—”

“But there is a coffee liquor. Want to try one?”

“I don’t think mixing coffee and alcohol is a good idea.”

“Well, it’s on the menu.” Rainbow pointed at the board of—to Twilight’s eyes—gibberish names. One of them stood out, accompanied by an explosion with the words Now with Gambit’s Premium Coffee Liquor! written in it. The drink’s name, though...

“That sounds incredibly racist.”

The bartender laughed, startling Twilight. “Not exactly created on the friendliest of times. Want to try it?”

“I, uh—”

“She’ll take it.” Rainbow winked at Twilight’s look.

The bartender nodded. He summoned what looks like thick coffee in a glass bottle, threw it to the air, then caught it in his hoof. He poured the black liquid into something metal and hourglass-shaped between his wing’s feathers, then poured it into a glass. Another bottle joined the fray as it jumped up and introduced its clear-liquid into the mix, poured into the other side of the metal hourglass before rounding up with the coffee. The bartender was about to impress some more mares before he stopped and asked, “Are you lactose intolerant?”

Twilight shook her head.

The bartender nodded, and Twilight swore that he chuckled like a villain. Up came another one, this time carefully lifted and poured from a capless bottle. The thick white liquid gently laid itself above the mix and made a layer that reminded Twilight of how her professor taught her entropy. The glass slid into Twilight’s hoof and rested gently in her grip.

Twilight lifted the glass halfway before Rainbow pulled it back.

At Twilight’s questioning look, Rainbow said, “Stir it first.” She grabbed a spoon from behind the counter and gave it to Twilight.

The spoon made a whirlpool in the glass of ice and goodness. Entropy killed any sort of uniqueness from the system and turned it into a single drink, as what the universe would eventually look like in her heat death.

Twilight glanced at her right and found that Rainbow already got her drink, the exact same drink she had definitely not been staring at and stirring for the past few minutes.

Rainbow raised her glass high, inviting Twilight to do the same. Then, as they had their glasses up high and Twilight was about to clink it as if doing a cheer, Rainbow shouted, “Bottoms up!”

Twilight brought her glass down to hide her blush, then took a tentative sip. Her eyebrows shot up as she doesn’t feel like vomiting anymore, nor did she smell anything resembling hoof sanitizers. She then took a more courageous sip, now actually tasting something she rather liked. It tasted like cappuccino milkshake but with a kick.

And the kick was good, so Twilight took a gulp. Rainbow punched her shoulder and they shared a hearty laugh.

In Vino Vodka

The night was young and so was the broiling sense of cosmic irrelevance. Down upon an insignificant planet in an insignificant nation in an insignificant town on the balcony of an insignificant library sat one insignificant pony, staring into the uncaring universe from a device made exactly for that purpose.

There was art in watching the night sky, Twilight found, and that art was to try to keep doing what she was doing without losing motivation to do anything at all after finding out just how small she was, just how meaningless her entire world was compared to everything else the universe had to offer. It was an art perfected by so many astronomers before her, something that a lot of other ponies had gone through and survived.

But her art wasn’t good enough, she figured. The stars were so unreasonably beautiful. Why were the stars beautiful other than a result of the evolutionary system to help ponies survive? Why was she looking at the stars anyway? Why should she stop some blob of chemicals messing around with the entire world’s chemicals and turning them into chocolate milkshake? What was the point of doing anything?

Twilight was losing, and she didn’t care because there was no point in winning it anyway. Her ears drooped and so did her head on the balcony’s railing. She was tired, and that didn’t matter. She was exhausted, and that didn’t matter. She had just saved the world again, but that didn’t matter. She was no more than Celestia’s student and will never do anything remarkable, but that didn’t matter.

A gust of wind blew and Twilight stood upright. A figure landed next to her and she wiped the tears running down her cheeks.

“Twilight, you ok?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, I’m alright. What are you doing here, Rainbow?”

Rainbow Dash sat next to her and leaned on the railing. “You’re drooping on your balcony.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Were you spying on me?”

Rainbow pointed forward, way forward but straight, to where a floating house could be barely seen by the lit windows. “I can see you from all the way there, you know?”

Twilight squinted at Rainbow’s condo. “I doubt it. I can’t even see it clearly.”

“Pegasi.”

“...Right.” Twilight sighed and leaned on the railing again, enjoying the freezing cold of the metal she touched, greedily sucking in her body heat. She tensed as she felt a wing draped upon her, and started thinking that maybe that wasn’t just something that Rainbow usually did to everypony. She turned her head and met a pair of magenta eyes, sharper than that of the eagles yet more beautiful than the moon.

“What’s wrong, Twilight?”

Twilight shook her head. “I said it’s fine, Rainbow.”

“Was it me?” At Twilight’s sudden stare, Rainbow added, “I left you all in the maze. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly then.”

“I know, Rainbow.” Twilight threw her bangs up then let it fall back down to her forehead. “It’s not your fault. I told you, I’m fine. I’m just tired and maybe about to go to bed. You should, too.”

Rainbow didn’t, but Twilight didn’t move. The night was cold and her company was more than welcome, especially with her wing having good insulation covering Twilight’s back.

Twilight’s ears perked up as she heard a soft clinking of glasses. With a glance, she found that Rainbow had brought them a bottle of something. She looked at the pegasus with a raised eyebrow.

Rainbow smiled—not that one she always wore when bragging, the one that’s warm and not usually seen in public. She took the bottle out from a hidden bag under her wing, displaying a small clear bottle of clear liquid emblazoned by blue, bold words. “I brought a drink. Want some?”

She shouldn’t start drinking, she thought, but then what’s the point? And so she shrugged and nodded. Her friend cracked open the cap and gave the entire bottle to Twilight.

Twilight took it with her hoof and eyed it curiously. Was she supposed to drink it straight from the bottle? Probably not, but she didn’t want to break the comfortable position she was already in just to find a glass, and so she took a sip.

It tasted like water but made her want to vomit. Still, she took another sip before passing it to Rainbow, who took a sip with less effort.

The night was young, but that didn’t matter. Twilight couldn’t get herself to think about anything more than how soft and warm Rainbow’s wing was and how tightly it encased her from the uncaring outside world. It made her feel safe and secure in their own little world; it made her feel protected and that nothing could ever hurt her ever again. The grip made her want to lean in, just for more of that feeling of invulnerability, but she didn’t want to make it awkward and ruin it.

Rainbow passed her the bottle again, and Twilight took a sip. Twilight gave the bottle back, and just as fast the bottle came back for another sip.

“Rainbow?”

“Hm?”

Twilight took a sip. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” Rainbow took a sip.

“Why did you do anything you do?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

“I mean,” Twilight said before stopping to take a sip, then continued, “what do you think your purpose is? Why are you here?”

Rainbow shrugged while taking a sip. “Honestly? I don’t really know.” She gave Twilight a smirk. And the bottle. “So, I just do awesome whenever.”

Twilight snorted. Then took a sip. “Really?”

“Why not?” Sip.

“Why do?” Sip.

“Why not?” Gulp.

Twilight giggled. Then chuckled. Then took a sip. Then laughed. “Why not?” And then a gulp.

Rainbow laughed as well, and they shared a moment of meaningless laughter. A good kind of meaningless laughter, the one you did when nothing else had more meaning than it. And when they stopped laughing, they laughed some more, then took more sips until the entire bottle was downed. It was a small bottle, more akin to a glass flask, but nevertheless provided her with enough mental lubricant to go oh well, what the hell and lean on her friend and laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and found that doing things because it’s cool was probably a good enough excuse for anything.

And she declared that she would do awesome stuff. She chose to do awesome stuff. She chose to do awesome stuff not because it was easy but because it was cool!

That's the Spirit!

The night was young and full of horror. Scary noises attacked from all directions and scary smells converged everywhere the baby dragon went. The library was full of everything that’s not supposed to be, and Spike knew not of what to do. The only pony that usually knew what to do was one of the things that were not supposed to be, and that was not a thing the baby dragon was prepared for.

Think, think, think, but the baby dragon’s mind couldn’t think of anything with all the wrongness happening in the library. What was the problem again? Everything. Everything is the problem and the baby dragon couldn’t ask the lavender unicorn because the lavender unicorn is the one having a problem.

That’s right, that’s right, that’s right, now the baby dragon remembered. Now Spike remembered what was wrong, and what was wrong was that Twilight was dying. Spike was not equipped with enough medical experience outside first aid on external injuries, and Spike was too confused and scared to think of which medical book may help him on stopping Twilight from dying. Maybe it’s hematology, or maybe gastroenterology? Spike couldn’t think, think, think!

The princess! The princess could help. But the princess is asleep at this hour. The princess may not find the letter until tomorrow, or worse until Twilight died.

The princess! That’s right, there was another princess! Another princess that was still awake. In fact, the other princess had just awakened, if Spike’s memory of the princesses’ schedules were right.

A gamble Spike would take if only to stop Twilight from dying. Anything to stop Twilight from dying. What should he write, what should he write? The truth, the truth, the truth, and so Spike wrote in frantic letters, “Twilight is dying” and sent it straight away to the other princess.

It was only a matter of seconds before Princess Luna teleported into the library, finding Spike frantically running about without making comprehensible words other than sobbing and crying. She swept her vision right and left and cast a quick scouring spell, and she found that Twilight was in the bathroom. She galloped there, barged into the bathroom, and found that Twilight was vomiting her insides out.

“Twilight, what happened!?”

Twilight turned around, her mane an awful mess and her coat stank of sweat and grime and antiseptic. She stumbled back and tried to look up, but her head spun and she spewed out more of her insides on Luna’s shoes.

Luna took a deep breath. It stank of not antiseptic, but cheap vodka. Of course.

Luna took another breath and slowly let it out. “Twilight, are you drunk?”

Twilight moaned.

Luna sighed and smacked her face. It was a mistake, now her face was full of the clear liquid Twilight had been vomiting. She dragged her hoof down nonetheless, letting her see that Twilight was still carrying with her a bottle of vodka. A big one, at that, and it was already half-empty. Luna took it and dumped the remaining drink to the toilet.

Twilight moaned again and rested her head on Luna’s chest.

“You had enough?”

Twilight weakly nodded.

Luna lifted her up and put her on her back, then took her out of the bathroom, finding Spike waiting outside with his eyes bloodshot and still sobbing. She gave him a gentle smile and said, “Twilight will be alright, Spike. You have nothing to worry about.”

Spike nodded. “T-thank you, princess.”

Luna took Twilight to her bed and gently lay her down. She was still moaning and grunting and retching, but hopefully her stomach was already empty. Nevertheless, Luna summoned a bucket and put it next to the bed.

Outside the bedroom she found Spike, sitting and cuddling himself. Luna kneeled down and pulled him into a hug, by which Spike gladfully entered. “It’s going to be alright, Spike. You have nothing to worry about.” Luna leaned back and gave him a smile. That smile, that one that mothers would give to their children after they came back from their first day of school sobbing. “You are a brave dragon, Spike. You took care of Twilight well.”

“Will she be alright?”

“She’ll be alright. She is going to feel horrible in the morning, so you have to be there for her. Give her a cup of coffee and don’t let her near any more alcohol, make sure she can eat.” Luna frowned. “Is there anypony that you know that… sometimes drink with Twilight?”

“Rainbow Dash.”

Luna nodded. “I’ll have Rainbow Dash help you in the morning. For now, sleep tight, Spike.”

“But I have to help—” And just like that, Spike fell asleep in Luna’s embrace.

Morning came and everything hurts. Her head was throbbing and her ears felt like bursting. She tried to open her eyes but the light was blinding and like javelins into her retinas. Her stomach was awful and hollow and rumbling. She turned to a side and her hollow stomach raged, urging her to throw out the nonexistent poison inside it. She retched and heaved to the side of her bed, where a bucket was magically there for some reason or another. The only thing coming out of her mouth was saliva, and that seemed to be enough for the riot inside her stomach.

A few hours, or maybe minutes, passed before Twilight got herself to stand up and walk out of the bedroom, eyes still closed shut and ears pressed against her temples.

“Good morning, Twilight!” came the deafening voice of Spike. “Breakfast is ready!”

Twilight nodded dumbly and felt her way down the stairs. She walked further down and into the library and into the kitchen and plopped down on the dining table. She risked a peek and found that there was a stack of pancakes directly in front of her. If her nose was right then Twilight was sure there was coffee somewhere there too.

A flapping noise came from the upper window, the one Twilight has modified to flap inward easily without much tension to the hinges. A second later she heard the clip-clop of hooves. Another and she felt the presence of somepony in the chair next to her.

“You’re ok, Twi?”

Twilight grunted.

Rainbow took a piece of pancake with a fork and touched it to Twilight’s muzzle. It opened, and it lazily chomped it down. “Why did you do it?”

Twilight grunted and continued munching.

The munching continued for a while, and Rainbow found Spike standing awkwardly on the other side of the room, not knowing what to do. She invited him to join and sit next to them, and Rainbow draped a comforting wing around him and told him that she’ll be alright, right after she dashed her to the bathroom to throw up some pancakes.

The World Is Full of Surprises

The day was young. The world was full of surprises.

Twilight woke up with a slight hangover. She’d live. Everything was horrible now, but that was only until another drink. And then everything would be alright.

Twilight sat up on her bed, and the first thing she noticed was that something’s wrong. She felt like there was less stuff in her bedroom, but that was probably because she was still groggy and sleepy. It’s probably an illusion of some sort.

Twilight came out of her bedroom, and the first thing she noticed was the noises of a commotion outside. She didn’t like a commotion outside her library, so she came out. There was a royal cart there, full of her stuff. “What are you doing!?”

Rainbow Dash came from the side with eyes full of daggers and a matching scowl. “The real question would be what are you doing?”

Twilight angrily pointed at the pile of her stuff. “They’re taking my stuff!”

Still maintaining her glare, Rainbow carefully said, “No, those are Spike’s stuff.”

With the same level of anger, she shouted back, “Well, why are they taking Spike’s stuff!?”

Rainbow jabbed her on the ribs, hard enough for her to stumble back. “Because he’s leaving.”

“What!?” Twilight jabbed Rainbow back. “He’s not leaving! What makes you think he’s leaving!? Who’s taking Spike away!?”

Rainbow raised her wing high and slapped her across the face. Twilight spun back at the force, and with her footing still unsteady, she fell to the ground. Rainbow loomed over her and spat, “Well, it’s already obvious that you can’t take care of a child!”

Twilight rubbed her cheeks, red and bruised, but it’s nothing as to what made her confused. “Spike’s not my child, he’s my little brother!”

“And he’s still a child!” And with that last shout, Rainbow turned around and left.

Still splayed on the ground, Twilight looked around the multitude of ponies carrying stuff away from the library and fastening them to the cart. There, on the driver’s seat of the cart, was Spike and a royal guard. Twilight called, “Spike, come here!”

Spike glanced back, saw her, and quickly looked away.

Twilight felt at that moment that her brain disappeared. She knew her brain disappeared because the brain was the blob of chemicals that made the chemicals that made her feel. She wasn’t feeling anything anymore, and it was obvious that her brain disappeared. She felt nothing as the cart left with all of Spike’s stuff. She felt nothing as the hours ticked by. She felt nothing as Princess Celestia popped into the library only to give her a letter denouncing her as her personal student. She felt nothing as her friends came and she slammed the door on their faces. She felt nothing as she munched on the bowl of nothingness for dinner, and she felt nothing on her tongue as she drank what’s supposed to be vodka, what’s supposed to taste like death and vomiting and instead only tasted like water. She felt nothing as she fell on her bed with an empty bottle in tow, and she felt nothing as the sun came back, and the sun fell, and the sun fell down again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again again again again again again again again again again again again ad infinitum,

Viva la Vodka!

Veni Vidi Vodka

The librarian of Golden Oaks Library stretched her hooves and yawned. She took a stamp from under the desk and stamped the book’s card and marked it returned. She gave the member card that was laying about some filing cabinet and gave it to the pony standing on the opposite side of the desk. “Thank you for returning your books on time, Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee gave her a smile. “Thank you, Twilight.” She pocketed her member card and asked, “Do you have plans for tonight?”

Twilight shook her head. “Not much into celebrations.” The teacher nodded and left, and Twilight waved her hooves while saying, “Enjoy your new year’s eve!”

As the library’s doors closed, the librarian cheered. That was the last of the patron of the day, and now she can celebrate the new year any way she wanted. She could go on a dinner, or maybe just lay about and sleep, or throw in some fireworks!

But no, she had plans. New year meant booze discount, and so the day before she had swept five bottles of 100-proofs. New year, new me, and so Twilight decided that she’d push her alcohol tolerance to the roof so next year she could drink more without getting wasted.

The doors of the library locked and secured, Twilight went to the balcony and readied her stock. She looked up at the many ponies walking about happily and merrily and ready for a new year, and she smiled, because she was also ready for a new year!

The sunset came soon after and darkness came. It was her cue, and she took a bottle and cracked it open and chugged and chugged and chugged. It was her strategy to cram as much alcohol into her system as possible before her blood noticed it and deny any more entrance to her stomach. How much could she possibly drink? A lot, probably, and she chugged and chugged and chugged.

The moon rose and maybe it was not the moon. Twilight grabbed another bottle and found that it was already empty. She turned it upside down and drank the last of the trickle anyway. She slithered on the floor to reach what she saw was a bottle, and she tried to grab it, and she failed and she giggled and she tried again to reach into something, something, she couldn’t remember what she was trying to take. Her vision was fading and her heartbeat slowed, and she smiled and she laid down and she fell asleep, down to slumber and into the realm of dreams and madness and happiness. Nopony would remember her anyway, she had no fear of somepony barging in and stopping her from drinking more.

One pony did remember, though, and as the fireworks went boom her magenta eyes went pinprick. Four other ponies glanced and only saw the last of the rainbow trail she left behind, along with her glass of drink still suspended in mid-air before dropping. They shrugged and thought that Rainbow would come back anyway, probably for something ridiculous.

But Rainbow didn’t come back. She shot straight into the balcony of the living library and found an unconscious lavender horse among a pool of sticky clear liquid. Her heart still beating hard and her breath still labored, she took Twilight’s hoof and felt for any pulse. She let out a breath she didn’t know was holding as she found it, albeit irregularly.

Rainbow slapped the unconscious Twilight. No response. She checked her breathing and found that it was almost unnoticeable. And it was slowing down. Her pulse began to fade.

Rainbow took her on her back and dashed to the hospital.

The night had died.

Twilight woke up slowly, first starting to dream, then starting to form things and stuff with her mind. She slowly felt her hooves, and they hurt. She felt her chest, it’s burning. She felt her stomach, there was a civil war there. She felt her eyes, they were stinging even though she hadn’t opened them yet.

Everything hurt. But there was also another feeling on her back, and that was soft. Her mind slowly formed the conclusion that she wasn’t on her own bed, with how soft and clean it was there. But there was also the smell of cheap vodka, so she was probably at her bed but she didn’t notice how soft her bed actually was.

Another thing she felt after a while was something on her hoof. It was sticking and slithering about like a leech. She took her other hoof and tried to pull it away, and nearly jumped as another hoof kept it in place.

Her eyes shot opened and she regretted it. She immediately shut it back at the glare of the ceiling light. She tried to ask who that was, but all that came out was a helpless groan.

“What were you thinking, Twi?”

That voice. A voice she hadn’t heard for a long time, the last voice she’d expect to ever come back. She tried to speak her name, but she could only mumble and groan.

Her brain came back. She knew her brain came back because now she could feel again. She could feel the bedsheet around her wasn’t her own, and she found that she was in a hospital. She felt the smell of antiseptic all around her, not cheap vodka, they were merely identical. She felt the IV tube on her hoof, not some annoying leech. She felt Rainbow’s grip on her hoof keeping the needle from snapping inside her. She felt like dying, and she knew she felt that way because a few hours before she really had been dying. She felt like crying, and she cried. She once more felt Rainbow’s wing draping over her and once more she felt invulnerable from the rest of the world, but most importantly, she knew that she was now invulnerable from herself.

They spoke many things, those damned wings. They told her once that Rainbow would be there when she’s drunk, and she did. They told her that the world would not defeat her, because she had a friend, and she won against the oppression of the careless universe. They told her that she wouldn’t hurt anypony, and they protected Spike.

And now they told her that she’ll never hurt herself anymore because they’ll protect her from herself. And Twilight knew that it was true.

Among her crying and sobbing, she managed to let out a single laugh. The Element of Loyalty, of course. She curled herself inside the wing and continued crying.

...But There's Always a Happy Tomorrow

The night was happy.

The library was silent safe for the crackling of the fireplace and the flitter-flutter of pages. Twilight was sitting comfortably in her bed, reading a book and sipping on a mug of hot cocoa. The windows were closed, protecting her from the cold of late winter. The world was ready for a Winter Wrap-Up, yet the ever-present outside cold didn’t bother to even prepare to disappear.

Another thing that didn’t prepare was the unicorn, yelping as a pegasus landed on her head. “Hey, Twilight!”

Twilight giggled. “Yes, Rainbow?”

Rainbow chuckled and slithered down to her shoulder. “Hey, Twiiiiliiight!”

Twilight let out another round of giggle. “Yes, Rainbow?”

Rainbow detached herself from the bookhorse and squeezed herself between the book and the smiling purple face. “Hey, Twilight!”

Twilight closed the book and used it as the Hammer of Justice to lightly bop Rainbow up the head. Chuckling, she said, “What?”

Rainbow pecked her on the cheek. “Happy Anniversary, Twilight!”

Twilight frowned. “Our anniversary isn’t in three months, Rainbow.”

Rainbow chuckled and bopped Twilight’s muzzle. “Happy Anniversary, Twilight!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “No, Rainbow, I’ve marked our anniversary in the calendar. It’s not there, see?” She pointed at the calendar, devoid of anything but Winter Wrap-Up at the end of next week, Rainbow’s First WB Performance the week after, and Spa Day right next to it.

Rainbow took out a cake from under the bed. “Happy Aniversary, Twilight!”

Twilight frowned deeper and smacked her face with her hoof. “Did you… did you really forgot that today isn’t our anniversary and bought a cake?” Twilight slid her hoof down her muzzle. “And now we have to celebrate something because you’ve bought it?”

Rainbow laughed and set the cake down on the bed. She saw Twilight’s face contort in confusion for a second before freezing, and Rainbow knew she won. She gripped Twilight by the neck and gave her a noogie. Once more she laughed and shouted, “Happy Anniversary, Twilight!”

From between Rainbow’s affectionate attacks and her mind’s slowly accelerating mind, Twilight blinked once. Then twice. Then she blinked the tears away and simply stared at the One Year Sober on the cake. “R-really?”

Rainbow pecked her on the cheek. “You did it, Twilight!”

“I did it?”

Rainbow threw her hooves up the air. “You did it!”

“I did it.”

“You did it!”

Twilight sat up and threw her hands up the air and waved them around. “I did it!”

Rainbow laughed and pulled her into a double-hug with her hooves and wings, and they shared a laugh that echoed through the whole library.

Twilight let herself laugh so hard she cried, and she enjoyed that cry inside the little fluffy cocoon of feathers and love. And she snuggled in and wrapped her own hooves around Rainbow’s neck and sunk them both into a deep kiss. She kissed Rainbow until she was more purple than her, and she kissed Rainbow more because she deserved it.

Rainbow kissed Twilight back until she couldn’t breathe. She kissed her back because Twilight deserved it. She deserved it, alright, she deserved it because she had done something awesome, and she found it cool, and so she kissed her back again after a quick breath.

The night was happy, and the two lovebirds spent it snuggling and eating cake and drinking cocoa.

Author's Note

For all alcoholics, recovering alcoholics, and even would-be alcoholics out there, I wish you all a happier tomorrow.

And even though I was saved early and didn't suffer much, on behalf of us all, for the people who has and is helping, I thank you and wish you forevermore good luck.

Spirited Away

The night was so young in fact that it would not arrive for another few hours.

Twilight was sitting on the castle’s kitchen with a grumpy face and a steel forge behind her eyes. Her past babysitter, it would seem, had evolved into an absolute jerk. And for that, her brother hated her, for some reason, and not the aforementioned absolute jerk.

Twilight took a deep breath and sighed. As she let out her breath her anger dropped and her ears went limp. She had screwed up badly and she couldn’t think of any way to fix it.

She needed a drink. Luckily, the castle was in no shortage of booze, and it was quite easy for Twilight to find a 350mL bottle of vodka in some fancy brand she didn’t recognize. There she sat in the kitchen, now devoid of anypony, quietly lamenting her mistakes and sipping on a bottle of liquid stress relief. It was only her second sip and the bottle was already half-empty, and Twilight shrugged, then thought oh well, what the hell, then took a deep gulp.

It was on that gulp that the door opened and Twilight choked on and snorted liquid fire. She envied not her little brother now. “What in Tartarus!?” Upon landing her eyes upon the subject, she lowered her eyelids. “Oh, it’s you. Your highness. How may I help you?”

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, in all her full glory, scrunched her muzzle at the sight of the lavender unicorn. “I’m just… passing through.” She whipped her head high and said, “Excuse me.”

It was at that moment, that moment when their heads passed each other that Twilight thought of an idea. It was that kind of idea that you could only think of after having 80mL of ethanol running through your veins.

There was a bottle. There was a head. The science is sound.

Vodka flew everywhere, accompanied by a rainbow of shattered glass rendering them unsafe to drink. Twilight felt amazing that her hypothesis was proved that the bottle could indeed break if she swung it hard enough. She let out a triumphant roar.

Until she looked down, that was, and saw that the princess had melted. Her fur was dark black like sprayed with acid and her hooves were full of holes. She screamed and she flailed the remaining bottle around in her telekinetic grip, then she jumped up the kitchen counter as she tried to avoid the vodka that turned out to be deoxyribonucleic acid!

A multitude of ponies came from the door and screamed and fainted. Or maybe that was only one, Twilight couldn’t tell. Most importantly, though, a tall horse the size of Princess Celestia teleported in, and Twilight knew that she was as mighty as Celestia herself, and so she screamed, “I didn’t mean it! I swear! I didn’t know it was acid!”