Growth

My right leg ached horribly. The burning sensation was usually manageable, but tonight it was particularly bad. Not mind-numbingly painful, but still much beyond what I could casually tolerate.

Normally, I would read something in the evening, but the pain was bad enough that I didn’t even try. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus, so why bother?

This stupid leg… Losing it had forced me to relearn moving around, both in combat as well as on a daily basis, over the course of the past six months. I still wasn’t as fast and agile as I’d previously been, but that was just a matter of time.

But to add insult to injury, this stupid thing just had to go ahead and continue hurting even though it was long gone…

Obviously, I was aware of phantom pain, but knowing about it didn’t make it suck any less.

I bit the pillow harder as another wave of searing pain washed over me. It wouldn’t even be so bad if it was at least constant. Instead, it pulsed, never letting me get acclimated.

It was already late, and I was tired, but sleeping would be impossible. I opened my eyes again, glancing around the room.

I didn’t have any pain medication and was out of alcohol as well, but I really wanted something, anything to take the edge off. A good enough distraction. I knew nothing new had appeared in the room since I’d last looked, not even five minutes ago. And yet, I kept searching, hoping to get some new idea.

My eyes settled on my shotgun. I’d been skipping over it since it wasn’t entertaining in the slightest, but maybe there was something to do with it? I could clean it again, but I’d already done that last week, and it hadn’t seen any use since.

I stared at it for at least a full minute before realising that wasn’t my only option.

I gulped as I pushed the thought away.

But my mind kept coming back to it, unable to find anything else to attach itself to.

After all… This could solve all my issues, couldn’t it?

Yeah, it would hurt a lot, but it would only last for a few seconds, probably less.

Besides, what difference would it make?

It wasn’t like the wasteland needed more hypocrites, was it now?

The world wouldn’t care, so why should I?

All my daydreaming of trying to make the wasteland a better place, of doing the right thing… In reality, I couldn’t even save a single fucking filly.

Sweet Luna was I pathetic. I would constantly think about what I could do better, what I should do to fix the world. And yet, I’d refused to put it into practice.

All because I’d been trying to keep Iron happy. I gave up on my morals to keep her safe and ensure a future for her. And yet, I failed even at that.

I’d almost ended up working for a bunch of slavers, and I dared to think of myself as a good pony? Disgusting.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and floated the gun over to myself. I sighed deeply as I looked it over.

Was I really going to do this? What about Platinum? I doubted he would really be shaken by my death, but he would probably be sad. Not to mention, I would be leaving his packages unattended.

I was pitiful and a hypocrite, yes, but I was helping. Even if it was only a little bit, I had to hold onto that. Assisting him with his work definitely made the wasteland a better place. Not because it saved many lives, but because it brightened them.

And besides, I couldn’t give up right now. There was still a chance Iron was alive, and losing hope would only ensure I would never find her. Maybe she’d been sighted in one of the nearby towns or settlements. Platinum was currently in Marely, and he might find some information on her.

Whenever we got to a region, I would remain in a central location and guard the cart while he flew around, delivering individual packages as well as picking up new ones.

I put the gun away, hiding it underneath the bed, where it was out of sight but still easily reachable in case I got attacked.

Tomorrow, Platinum would come back and scout ahead. He would decide on where we would go next, and which road we would take. I was hoping we would finally leave the East Coast area soon. We’d practically combed it without finding any trace of Iron.

Usually, we would pick a bigger settlement to base our operations out of, but this time it was more practical to stay on the outskirts of this small, nameless town.

I’d already asked everypony here about Iron, but didn’t get a single positive reply, as usual.

I lay there and waited. Waited for the pain to pass. Waited for my brain to finally fall asleep. Waited for it to stop reminding me of my fuck-ups. Waited for a sign from Luna.

I tried to keep my thoughts happy, but they would inevitably wander back to my failures, and to my gun. I wasn’t actively considering blowing my brains out, but I was uncomfortable every time my mind landed on the firearm.

I couldn't tell how long I lay there, ruminating on my mistakes and flaws. Suddenly, I heard a gunshot, followed by more; screaming and shouting in the distance. I immediately jumped out of bed.

My unimportant thoughts were quickly pushed aside by the urgency of the situation. After I attached my metal leg to the straps keeping it in place, I quickly slipped into my barding.

The actual pegleg was just a tube with the end soldered shut. The small base didn't make it as stable as it could be, but I liked precision more than I liked the extra balance. Being able to press down on a smaller area allowed for a hoofful of new applications for the prosthetic.

I did however have a flat base I could add for comfort, and kept it on most of the time. I only really took it off for training.

The cup into which my stump fit had been made by a blacksmith in Seashell, a small settlement northeast of Fillydelphia. Platinum was actually the one to have this metallic pegleg made for me.

Shotgun floating behind me, I ran towards the main part of town. Given its size, it only had six guards, so attackers could easily overwhelm them. I hoped I wouldn't get there too late.

The buildings here were very different from what I was used to. Even the larger streets were tight with a maze of alleyways connecting to one another. They weren’t paved with concrete or asphalt, just tiles.

The houses were made of brick and stone, and since the town was built on a hill, some of them had two entrances on completely separate levels. A large number of them had caved in on themselves, while even more looked like they weren’t too far from sharing that fate. Only a few looked solid enough to live in.

I avoided the main street, weaving through the darker alleys instead. I was lucky that the town hall was visible from nearly everywhere around here, or I would have gotten lost. When I finally arrived near it, I slowed down enough to sneak up on whoever had been causing this commotion.

From here, I could see four ponies clad in some kind of barding—at this distance, I couldn't tell what kind. They were taking cover behind a collapsed house in the alley opposite from me.

Given that they had their weapons trained on the town hall, I doubted they were good ponies. Occasionally, a shot or two would echo from the larger building. None of them seemed to hit any of the raiders, though.

With my eyesight though, I had to get closer to check; I wasn’t going to start shooting at somepony based on an assumption.

I stepped back into the alley parallel to the street and climbed into one of the buildings separating me from the attackers. The endeavour would have been easier with four legs, but that just meant I needed to train more.

The inside of the house was littered with broken furniture and crumbling concrete. The smell of mould permeated the air, but it wasn’t anything particularly bad.

I made my way to the other side of the building, carefully sticking my head out of the window.

Finally close enough to make out the smaller details, I noticed they were wearing haphazardly put together, mismatched suits of barding. Not quite as trashy as a stereotypical raider's, but it was obvious they weren't a high grade mercenary company.

I took a moment to think about my next step. They were clearly bad ponies, and I had to do something. Even with the cover fire from the town hall, I was still heavily outnumbered. On the other hoof, close quarters were my specialty, so if I played my cards right, I could probably do something about them.

A plan popped into my head. It was as reckless as one of Iron’s, but had decent odds of working out. The option to turn tail and pretend like I hadn’t seen anything also crossed my mind, but I pushed it aside.

I exited the building onto the main street. From the front entrance, I was out of the raiders’ sight. I entered the opposite building and found the window leading to the alleyway they were hiding in.

I took off the flat base of my prosthetic. Running was easier with a pointed tip. Then, I levitated out my only two grenades. Given that they had a unicorn, it was safer to throw two at once so he or she couldn’t levitate them back, at least not very easily.

Pulling the pins, I threw the grenades through the window. I wasn't aiming to kill, just to distract them long enough to buy me some time.

I ran out the front door. By the time I was out on the street, the grenades went off in near unison. The raiders had also left their cover, and I was sprinting at them full speed, shotgun floating beside me. I'd practised for this, and I was confident that I wouldn't let my metal leg slip on the pavement.

As expected, the explosion didn't directly hurt any of them, but it had distracted them as they ran away from it. This allowed the pony in town hall to land a shot by the time I reached them. One of the attackers collapsed.

A pink-coated raider closest to me turned around, aiming a rusty double-barrel shotgun at me. I, however, was too fast for him.

In the last metre of my sprint, I slammed my prosthetic into the ground, chipping one of the tiles. I pivoted and launched myself at the stallion. My rear legs connected with his head, knocking him to the ground before crunching his skull between pavement and my steel shoes.

I found myself next to another one of the raiders. Unfortunately for her, I’d aimed in her direction while in the air. The moment I landed, my magic pulled the trigger, mulching her face.

When the last of them saw this, she turned tail to flee. Normally, I wouldn't attack a fleeing pony, but I had no mercy left for raiders. I lunged at the mare, landing on her neck and impaling it with the metal rod. No point wasting ammo.

Nothing could keep me down, not even losing a leg! I didn’t need four of them; three and a decent prosthetic were good enough!

As I removed it, a female voice called out to me. "Oh, it's you!" I could tell it came from the town hall, but the pony in question was too far away for me to clearly see. "Quick, come in."

I cantered over to the building, and a black-maned unicorn mare opened the door, a rifle on her back. "You saved my flank there, missy," she said before quickly trotting back up the stairs. "Didn't know you were this much of a badass. No offence, but I kinda thought you were the cheapest guard dog Airdrop could find."

"He's not my boss, just a friend. Anyway, what’s the situation? Where are the other guards?"

She approached one of the windows. "Three of us died when the bandits got the drop on us, but not before we downed a few of them. Two went to the houses while I stayed behind as a sentry." It took me a few moments to realise that she was referring to the neighbourhood where most settlers lived. The buildings there had been preserved better than the rest of town.

Opening a window, she placed her rifle on the sill. "Glad I did, since I got to hold a large chunk of them back. I'm just a bit worried since I haven't heard from this side in a while. It suddenly fell much too quiet for my liking."

I briefly wondered why the raiders hadn’t just gone around the town hall, but pushed that thought aside. "Can you see anypony?"

"Four bandit corpses. Not as much as there should be. I can't see Sentry or Flipchip nowhere either."

I reloaded a single shell into my shotgun. "Can you cover me? I want to help."

"Sure thing, buddy. Cover fire's my game, and Longstroke’s the name. What’s yours?"

"Candy Cane."

"Fits you like a sock." She chuckled. "I don't know how many are left, so be careful, Candy."

I left the building the same way I'd come in, then started sneaking around the individual alleys. Now that the gunfire had died down, the settlement looked and sounded like a ghost town. No small noises, no one out on the streets, and a heavy atmosphere.

I took off my armoured shoes and placed a cloth over the base of my prosthetic. It wouldn’t make my hoofsteps perfectly quiet, but hopefully wouldn’t give away my position for everyone in town.

I made my way through the streets, careful to stay out of sight and to keep quiet. I took shortcuts through buildings and made sure to check every angle I could. Progress was slow, and my anxiety rose. If they were hiding in an alley, they would hear me approach. There wasn’t much I could do about it.

I missed my PipBuck so much. Maybe Uncle Concerto’s corpse still had one? I would need to ask Platinum to check out the stable’s cave with me at some point.

Suddenly, my ears perked as I heard a small noise coming from one of the alleys. It was probably just a pebble, but I couldn’t be careful enough. I holstered my shotgun and took a pistol into my mouth instead so as to avoid having my magic give my presence away.

If somepony was waiting there, they probably already knew I was nearby, but I wasn’t going to give them any sort of advantage. I briefly considered blindly firing my shotgun into the alley, but that had too many flaws to be a good idea. What if it was an ally? What if there was nothing at all and I would just give my position away?

I silently took a deep breath, then jumped out in front of the intersection. Unfortunately for me, I’d been right to be careful, as I spotted a raider aiming around the corner. He wore a battle saddle with two shotguns attached to it.

Unfortunately for him, my speed had thrown him off his aim as his first shot missed entirely. I fired back, hitting him square in the peytral. This threw off his second shot.It only hit the barding on my flank.

This bought me just enough time to float out my own riot shotgun and discharge it twice into his chest. The first spray of lead knocked him back, and the second shredded his exposed throat.

Behind him, a pony had been bandaging her wounds. Being a unicorn, she'd had time to aim a rifle at me and pull the trigger. I felt five bullets impact my peytral, one crack my visor, and one ping off my helmet before she lost control of the recoil. I finished her off with buckshot.

I sighed, feeling the sharp pain of several bruised and potentially cracked ribs. Trying to find a place to catch my breath while remaining out of sight, I reminded myself to thank Platinum for lending me the caps for the armour.

I finally sat down between two buildings I knew were inhabited. The only reassuring part of this whole situation was that this seemed like a small gang. Who else would hit such a tiny settlement? Admittedly, they still had a decent numbers advantage, but that was a prerequisite when attacking a town.

I stumbled into another larger street, one that was fully hidden from the town hall. Standing here made me anxious, as large, open spaces were generally a weakness for somepony with my fighting style. What was more, I wouldn’t get any cover fire from Longstroke.

As I turned around to head back into the alley I’d emerged from, my eyes got caught on something on the ground. A pony, lying in a pool of blood. Their barding resembled the black uniform that the town guard would wear. I couldn't tell for sure at this distance, though. The bandits certainly didn’t wear any kind of unified outfit, so it was possible this was a dead enemy.

If I remembered correctly, I could get closer to the pony without exposing myself. I turned around and walked around one of the houses.

As I arrived near the corpse, I could clearly make out that she had been a town guard. However, her wounds troubled me. She looked like she'd fallen a long, long distance. I didn't see any gunshot wounds, but I couldn't exclude them either.

Looking around, I noticed a large hole in the roof of the houses nearby. Tiles lay scattered around the ground. Floating one over to me, I noted that it had recently been broken.

As I was investigating these tiles, a gunshot echoed from the town hall, followed by another. A response came from the main road. Then, silence.

I ran to see whoever was shooting at Longstroke. I was now out on the secondary road, looking down the main one. I dared take a few cautious steps onto the street.

Suddenly, a wind swept me into the air, making me drop my shotgun. No, not a wind, a creature, and it was carrying me higher and higher. Turning my head, I could see large wings flapping to my side, and a pair of arms wrapped around my midsection, its talons sharp enough to slightly dig into my barding.

I tried and failed to wring myself free. "Fine, you wanna play dirty? Let's play dirty."

I channelled my best spell, aiming for her wing. When I released it a second later, the wing went limp. She started letting loose, and I had just a split second to react. I contorted my body, turning to face her and grasping around her neck with my foreleg and pulling myself close.

She tried to bite me with her beak, but I dodged just in time, pressing my neck against hers. As she tried to shake me loose, I wrapped my hind legs around her midsection.

It was as tight as a lover's embrace, and could have been mistaken for one if it hadn't been for the fact that we were trying to kill each other.

In the few seconds we were falling, I attempted to get her on the bottom. However, with the help of her larger frame, and more importantly her other wing, she effortlessly remained on top.

The wind was knocked out of my lungs as I slammed into a roof, feeling shingles break and dig into my back as we broke through and fell onto the floor below.

Desperately gasping for air, I noticed her getting back up. In our current respective states, I had a few moments to take a look at her. I was surprised to find not a crazed, cut-up and bloodied raider, but a young griffiness.

She was slightly dirty, but it was barely visible on her dark grey fur. The purple of her eyes contrasted with the green of the fur around them, overall drawing attention away from the thin scars on her face. She was definitely too pretty for a raider.

Despite the fact that I'd cushioned most of the short fall, she still looked quite dazed, blood running down her forehead. She'd definitely hit her head against the roof just now. I briefly considered grabbing her revolver from its holster, but decided against it as that might help her grab it.

I felt her claws dig into my left foreleg as she pinned all three of my limbs down, sitting on my lower abdomen. She raised her other hand to swipe at my neck, but the movement was sluggish enough that I managed to dodge it by throwing my head at her torso.

She jumped back just in time to avoid my sharp horn, but that gave me enough leeway to turn the situation around.

With a quick shove, I was pinning her down instead, my peg leg angled to press down on her left arm and throat.

My hind hooves were pressing down on her joints, preventing her from moving back legs. I felt my stomach's fur brush against hers as I stood just a couple of centimetres above her.

"Fuck," she wheezed. "You're… pretty good. Especially for a bonehead cripple."

Given the situation, I couldn't quite appreciate the compliment. "Spare me the horseshit, raider."

She laughed, or at least attempted to. "Raider? Please, we were bandits."

"What's the fucking difference?"

"We don't… kill for fun… at the very least…" She gasped for air, and I released my pressure just the slightest amount. "In general… we have some principles…"

I wanted to hit her, but had no way to do so without loosening my grip or putting myself in beak range. "Principles? So you're somehow good people because you don't torture innocents to death?"

"Hah, fuck no." She let out a short, raspy laugh. "I'm rotten and I know it."

"Then why the fuck are you doing this if you know it’s fucked up?" I screamed, unable to contain my anger any longer. "I’ve seen the guards’ bodies! Your ponies killed them!"

Her face turned to a bitter smirk. "Spare me the lecture and kill me already, will you?"

"Answer. Me. First." I pressed the rod into her throat for emphasis, but lost my composure when I tried to continue. Barely holding in my tears, I asked in a weak voice, "Why do you do this if you know it’s wrong? I don’t understand…"

It was so easy to deem raiders as sub-equine and just kill them on sight. So very easy. So why did I suddenly have such a hard time finishing her off? Just because she understood what she did was wrong? I felt a tear roll down my right cheek before landing on the griffin’s scarred chest.

A scowl on her beak, she replied. "Because it's… all I know… okay? All I’ve ever… fucking known." Her eyes were starting to roll back, so I let her catch her breath. "As far… as I… can think… violence was… the one… solution that I… knew."

"And you’ve never once tried to change? There’s gotta be some good ponies you can guard. Like trading caravans." I had to steel my voice, as the griffin slightly reminded me of Iron. Unlike the latter, though, she seemed to regret her actions, but didn’t have the excuse of being a young filly.

"Hah… as if. Who would give a killer… a second chance? I’ve had to kill… ever since I was a chick… and you mean to tell me… there’s somepony out there… who’d let me work as their caravan guard?" Her previous gruff attitude was gone. Despite her best efforts to seem rough and stoic, I could see tears welling up as well.

I wanted to tell her that I would help her find work, but how could I trust her? She’d just look for opportunities to kill me or flee.

But if I refused to help her… I would just be perpetuating the cycle, wouldn’t I? Yes, I could end her cycle on the spot, but that didn’t feel right. My expression must have worried her, as she went back to looking dejected.

I flashed a small smile at her, as big as I could manage. "Well… If you’re willing to change… I don’t have any work I could hire you for, but I want to help you find something." Someone had to take the leap of faith.

It took her a moment to process what I’d said. "You… would?" She sounded shocked and hopeful, quickly correcting her tone. She was clearly trying to seem stoic but failed, her voice betraying her inner turmoil. "Why? How do I know it's not some kind of trap?"

I felt my eyebrow raise in annoyance. Really? "Because you're at my mercy anyway. I'm the one taking the risks, not you."

Now that she was no longer paying full attention, I levitated out her revolver and kept it out of her reach. "I've killed one of your friends as she was trying to flee. I'm willing to give you a second chance, but I also have no problem ending your life here and now if it means making the wasteland a better place."

She frowned when she heard the news about her friend, and I felt her gulp under my prosthetic. "How many did you kill?" she asked in an uncharacteristically meek voice.

"Five. Mostly caught them by surprise. One of the town guards killed a sixth."

"That’s… all of them." She looked away for a while, refusing to meet my gaze. Eventually, though, she muttered, "Fine… I'm in."

After checking if the gun was loaded, I stood up, keeping it aimed at her. She didn’t seem to be lying, but I was not about to trust her that easily. Besides, I was now confused about something. "Why are you so quick to forgive someone who just admitted to killing your friends?"

She gave me a weak, half-sarcastic smile. "Frankly? They weren’t really my friends. Just a group I happened to stumble into. Now that they’re gone, I don’t belong anywhere anymore."

She didn't have any malice in her eyes as she said it, but her eyes betrayed her sadness. I channelled my anaesthetic spell again, though I didn't knock her out entirely. I only aimed at her front right paw, so as to give myself an advantage if she wanted to try anything.

Not only would a general anaesthesia take too much energy out of my poor, underdeveloped horn, it could also potentially endanger her life, given the state of her body.

"That should be good enough. Sorry, but I can’t fully trust you yet, as much as I want to." I attempted smiling at her again, but only getting marginally better results. "I'm Candy Cane, by the way."

"Grace, and I understand."

After our introduction, I asked Grace if she knew what happened to the last guard. Turns out, he’d also been dropped by her, but had landed on one of the roofs instead of the street.

We headed back to the town hall, where I talked to Longstroke while Grace waited outside.

Obviously, I wouldn’t tell Longstroke that I’d spared one of the bandits. "I think that’s all of them. I’m sorry I couldn’t help sooner, some of the guards might have survived if I’d stayed closer to the town."

"Nothing you could have predicted, really, and it’s not like it’s your job in the first place. The fact that you did help saved my life at the very least." She flashed a small smile at me.

I was about to protest, but she cut me off. "If I’m being honest, this whole situation might be for the best. I'm pretty sure none of the settlers got hurt, at least from what I was able to see. The other guards dying was unfortunate, but this might actually spur the inhabitants to move somewhere safer."

"‘Unfortunate’? You make it sound like an inconvenience more than anything else." Why had the two souls I’d met tonight so little care for the ponies around them?

"Filly, in my line o’ work, you learn pretty quickly to not get attached to your co-workers. They die, get replaced, and you move on. It sucks but that’s just how things are."

I really hoped I wouldn’t turn out like that someday, but didn’t press on. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Become mayor," she replied with a straight face. "I’ve been telling them for almost a year now that this place is too easy to attack. I even know a good place we could relocate to, less than twenty kilometres from here."

She then shook her head. "But no, they just had to insist that their guardsponies were good enough to handle any of the raider groups that came by. And for the longest time, we were. We just weren’t prepared for anything bigger."

"So what? You just want to… relocate an entire town?" I said in confusion. That was probably why the settlers had been reluctant to go along with her plan.

Longstroke nodded. "Basically. It’s not going to be easy, but the sooner we get it over with, the better. Especially once word gets out we lost most of our fighters."

"Do… you think we could help?" I asked.

"That would be greatly appreciated. I assume you mean yourself and Airdrop?"

I smiled sheepishly. "Yes and no… You see there’s someone else, someone who… let’s say she has some wrongs to right…"

Platinum and I were sitting in the living room of the house I’d made my temporary home. Grace was asleep in one of the rooms

As much as I wanted to give her a second chance, I was still scared of waking up to her slitting my throat with those talons of hers.

As a result, I had barricaded myself in my room and slept with one eye open. Needless to say, the rest of the day passed by fairly slowly as I waited for Platinum to return. Grace was surprisingly talkative, but our topics of conversation hadn’t been particularly deep, though I’d learned about bits and pieces of her life.

Now that it was evening again, Platinum had agreed to take watch while I slept. I didn’t want to go to bed just yet, preferring to catch up with my friend instead.

Not much interesting had happened on his trip. There was one amusing exchange between a trader and somepony else, but otherwise it had been very uneventful.

Then, I’d explained to him what happened yesterday and today. He hadn’t liked that I’d spared Grace, but understood my reasoning.

I told him about Longstroke, who had stepped up as the new mayor, and how she had a plan to move the town to a nearby highway bridge. This new location would be a lot easier to defend, hopefully.

Grace and I had volunteered to help carry some of the belongings, and Platinum agreed as well. The former would do so in secret, as the settlers wouldn’t take too kindly to her presence.

Overall, we decided to stay here a few more weeks to make sure they managed to build some houses there. The plan was to make a few of them out of sheet metal so that the ponies could have some temporary homes.

This far north, such flimsy sheet metal wasn’t the greatest to keep warm, but since it was just a temporary measure, it would be fine. Especially since they would be all sleeping in the same room, which would help keep them warm.

"I am sorry to bring this back up, but… are you sure about taking in that griffin? She is not exactly… you know."

"No, I’m not. She seems to be nice now that she’s no longer trying to kill me, and the few conversations I’ve had with her went well. That said, I have a hard time trusting her." Actually, I had to actively remind myself not to trust her.

"Then we should just get rid of her. I am not exactly fond of travelling or working with a bandit."

"Ex-bandit, if she’s to be believed," I corrected. "I’m willing to take the risk and give her the benefit of the doubt. Doesn’t mean I plan to let down my guard around her, but It’s gotta start somewhere."

"Why?" he deadpanned.

"I’ve seen the look in her eyes, and her story reminds me of Iron. Except unlike her, Grace seems to actually show remorse."

I paused for a moment. "Of course, if you’d rather not, we can always split up until I find something for her to do. I still owe you caps, though, so I would obviously pay you back eventually."

I shrugged. "Now that I’ve recovered, I can go without your help for a while. I can look for Iron alone for a couple of months, though it would still be appreciated."

He shook his head. "I would feel bad leaving you alone with her. I will remain by your side."

"Are you sure about that? It could potentially take months for us to find anything for her to do."

"I will manage." He sighed. "As much as I do not agree with your current endeavour, I do find it admirable how you strive to do the right thing. You truly are a good pony."

I smiled at the praise, but that quickly turned to a frown. "That… reminds me of something that happened yesterday. Can I… tell you about it? It’s kinda… heavy."

"Of course you can, I am—" He cut himself off as he met my gaze. Something about my expression must have conveyed how I was feeling, as he dropped his usual façade. "Sure ya can, I’m here fer you."

"Thanks… I just really need to get this off my chest." I took a deep breath in anticipation of what I was about to admit. "I… thought about killing myself. I was sitting in my room, unable to sleep, and all I could think about was how to blow my head off."

Platinum was taken aback, eyes wide. He opened his mouth, only to close it again.

I felt tears welling up, and I simply let them flow down my cheeks. "I still feel guilty for failing to save Iron. I’ve been trying so hard to f-fix it, but sometimes I just can’t stop myself from thinking about it and blaming myself."

I let out a few more sobs while he walked over to me and wrapped me in his wing. He didn’t say anything, quietly letting me cry on his shoulder. This wasn’t the first time he’d comforted me, so we both knew there wasn’t anything he could say.

Leaning into him, I regained enough composure to continue. "T-then there’s my leg. I… I’ve been ignoring the issue th-this entire time, and I think it’s only really starting to hit me. I’m used to the prosthetic now and it’s getting harder and harder to pretend like that loss didn’t affect me.

"At first it was easy to pretend like it wasn’t an issue, and to distract myself with some training. But since I got into my first real fight after the incident, it made me realise… This will never be good enough to replace my leg, no matter how much I try to make up for it."

Feeling his warmth was enough to calm me down a little. Even though he was smaller than me, his wings allowed him to effortlessly wrap me in a close embrace. With his left hoof, he gently stroked my mane.

"I was surprised to see you bounce back so quickly, not gonna lie. Felt like ya didn’t care none that y’all lost your leg. I couldn’t tell if you were just pretendin’ or simply didn’t care. In a way… it’s kinda reassurin’ to know you feel like that now."

"It’s… reassuring to know I feel bad?"

"Fuck, sorry, bad wordin’. I meant that I was worried about your sanity. It’s still worryin’ that you wanted to actually kill yourself, but the fact that you’re actually telling me is very reassurin’. So thanks for openin’ up a bit more."

I put my head on his shoulder and whispered, "It’s me who should be thanking you… You’ve been helping me get back on my legs, but you’ve also been here for me whenever I felt down; I don’t know what I could do to ever repay that."

Platinum ruffled my mane. "Don’tcha worry none about that, I’m doin’ it because I wanna see a bright, young mare be happy, is all."

I sighed. "You’re a great pony as well, you know that, right?"

"I try to be."

The evening didn’t last much longer. All the emotion had drained me even further, and before long I disappeared into my room for the night. Platinum joined me, mostly to keep watch in case I was wrong about Grace. I didn’t mind his presence.

Grace and I were carrying a barrel of wine each up to Skybridge, the newly founded settlement. Eventually, she attempted to break our silence. "You know, I'm really glad I didn't die back there."

"Well, I'm glad you took up my offer," I replied.

"Yeah…" She averted her gaze.

"Is there a reason in particular you don't want to die? Besides the obvious." As far as I knew, she didn't really have anyone. Her gang had been her only social circle, and she hadn't been particularly close to any of them.

"Not really. Frankly, I meant it when I told you to kill me. You kinda get used to the idea that you could die at any moment." She seemed to hesitate for a moment, before forcing a smile. "It's just that, uh, in hindsight, it would have been really shitty to die horny."

I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at her in disbelief. "Did… I need to know that?" Despite my best efforts, a lot of blood was rushing to my face.

Wait, hadn’t I felt a similar way? No, it was definitely just the adrenaline.

She quickly looked away and shrugged. "Well, I wanted you to know it," she half-muttered.

We continued on our way, our silence now very awkward. What was that all about? She wasn’t the smartest, but usually didn’t blurt out things like that.

Over the past two weeks, we’d gotten to know each other a lot better. She’d mostly worked in secret, and I’d usually helped her. Eventually, some of the settlers had spotted her. As they didn’t recognise her, they grew quite comfortable around the griffin.

When it was revealed that she had helped in the attack, the settlers needed a few days to really wrap their heads around the situation. However, most of them reluctantly accepted to have her around, due to how helpful she was being. The few ponies that still grumbled every time they spotted her were the villagers who’d been close to the guards.

"Sorry, I’m used to those kinds of pick-up lines actually working." The sound of her voice drew me out of my thoughts.

"It’s… fine. It was just kind of out of nowhere and a bit weird, especially since I don’t swing that way."

"Sorry. I shouldn’t have said it, I’m just not used to being around ponies like you. You know, the not-crude kind." She tried making eye contact, but quickly broke it.

"I understand."

After another awkward silence, she tried starting up a conversation again. "Since I’ve already told you quite a bit about myself, would you mind telling me about your own life?"

"Sure? There isn’t really much to tell."

"Well, I’m curious. Who’s Iron? I overheard you and your buck talking about it last week."

"He’s not my buck," I corrected. "And why were you even hitting on me if you thought I was taken?"

"Well, at first I thought you weren’t taken. But then you said you didn’t swing that way, so I assumed you and him were a pair."

I felt my brow furrow. "What kind of leap of logic is that?" Why was she being weird today? Was it because of the upcoming party?

She shrugged. "I dunno either. I’m kinda retarded, as you’re aware. Anyway, sorry about the weird assumption, but you didn’t answer my question."

I sighed. I didn’t really want to talk about it, but I knew better than to close myself off entirely. Plus, anything beat another awkward silence. "She was my little cousin. About five years younger than me."

"What happened to her? I thought you were looking for her, but you make it sound like she’s dead."

I realised what I’d done and winced. "She was taken by bad ponies, and I’ve been looking for her for the past six months to no avail."

"Well, I’d love to help with that." She looked at me, and the genuine smile on her face surprised me.

"Why the sudden offer? Didn’t you want some job that could utilise your skills?"

"I can’t say I enjoy helping these ponies out of the goodness of my heart—because we both know my heart is charred black. I just really wanna help you get things done. Besides, I’m sure there are ways I can be useful to you."

"Well, I gladly accept your help if you put it like that."

"What was she like? If you don’t mind me asking," said Grace after a short silence.

"She was… a hoofful, but I loved her dearly. She was the type of nerdy pony you’d find in some novels." Remembering that Grace didn’t know how to read, I quickly abandoned that analogy. "Uh, she was very booksmart but lacked any sort of street wisdom."

Talking about Iron like that, I felt tears welling up. It was bittersweet, remembering the good times I had had with her. "The moment she realised she didn’t know something, she would immediately look for a book on the subject."

I continued recounting all the ways in which I remembered Iron. From the weird way she ate her food, to how good she was with a rifle. Of course, I mentioned how I was worried for her moral compass but how part of me admired her pragmatic approach. I missed her so fucking much, and yet…

"You okay, Candy?"

"I’m just… thinking. Telling you about her brought up so many feelings and made me realise that I’ve basically given up hope already… I think it’s time I accept she’s gone."

"It kind of just hit me how much I’ve been using the search for her as an excuse to avoid looking at my own problems. I put off dealing with this." I shook my prosthetic leg. "And just kept pretending like I could fix everything."

I sighed. "Well, I can’t. My leg is lost, and I think it’s about time I accept that Iron is gone as well. Besides, I’ve been so focused on my search for her… It took up so much time that I could have spent helping others."

Grace was quiet for a moment. "So… you don’t want my help after all?"

"I do, just not to look for Iron. How about we help towns like these; hunt raiders and bandits and live off the loot?"

"Hell yeah, that’s something I’m good at!" At that moment, she reminded me of Iron again.

We eventually made it back to the village. The new location was hard to reach, but that was for the best. The settlers had built half a dozen flimsy shacks on top of the highway bridge. This was enough to last them for now, and tonight we would be celebrating.

Longstroke, who’d washed her mane for once, enthusiastically greeted us when we arrived at the gate.

Tonight was going to be fun.

Footnote: Level up!

New Perk: Violent Vigilante — You are a force of justice, and don’t take kindly to corruption and needless violence—all of the violence you dish out is very much deserved! You deal increased damage to gangs, bandits, and raiders.