No! I Don't Want To Be A Kitty Today!

by BCS

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pony Life, Twilight Sparkle, Comedy
Length: 2496

Twilight works in her lab on a new potion for Pinkie when she accidentally turns herself into a cat!

By popular request, yours truly is turning a 1-second gag into a fanfic. You're welcome.

Twilight turns into a cat due to an accident and seeks Rarity's help. Fourth wall breaks each chapter, and exactly the kind of quality you'd expect from a Pony Life fic!

Contains Transformation.

Published 2020-06-22 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-23 15:09:04 UTC

It... feels... furry?

Author's Note

This fic is set in Pony Life, but Fimfiction does not currently have a category for Pony Life yet. You were warned!

It... feels... furry?

Twilight Sparkle is in her lab, working digilently on her a new potion for Pinkie, with cat infusions. It has DNA from Opal, Rarity's cat. She is working really hard and she's stirring the potion too hard and some of it splashes on her body. She gives a little gasp of surprise.

"Oh, noo.... nya.... nyaaaoww!?"

All of sudden, her voice morphs to a higher register and her hooves turns into paws! Her body is partially becoming like a cat! She feels... weird and frisky. She bats at the potion, knocking it off the table and the puddle spreads all over the floor. One of her many machines starts sparking at the puddle spreads. The real Twilight Sparkle is panicking about the electricity, but there's nothing she can do, she's becoming a cat now.

"Meow!? Meow! Meow meow meow!"

She's hissing at the puddle, and her mouth is full of fangs now. Her eyes are slitted pupils and her cute little pony tail becomes a swishy cat tail. At the end of her new paws are claws. She extends them experimentally, pushing the claws in and out. The last thought of her pony mind was this: Heck, I've got to find Rarity to and see if she can help! Her house is closest!

The machine is broken, by the way. Just if you were wondering. Her cat instincts take over and she just starts playing with bottles! Smash, crash! She swishes her new kitty tail in delight, back and forth, her pupils dilated. Then that memory, that thought takes and she remembers... right, Rarity! I have to find Rarity! The associations are something like Rarity has a cat, she handles cats, and she can help me.

Twilikitty runs out of her lab and bumps into Spike. Spike looks down in surprise at his new master, who is now a cat.

"Oh no, Twilight! What happened!?"

She howls because she's a cat, she can't speak words anymore. "YOWL! YOWL! AWaaaoooOOooo!"

Spike reaches out his hand toward her, but she's already running away down the street, her now-long fur puffed out. Her paws hit the rocks of the path and the town of Ponyville is like a blur. She puts her new cat nose down and sniffs, whiskers twitching. Twitch a twitch! Twitch a twitch!

Her sense of smell is stronger now! Yes! She can smell Rarity, she can even smell Opal. She paws at the ground excitedly, tail whipping back and forth, and starts... well, it would be a gallop if she was a horse. Because she's a cat, it's a brisk run. She knows the way, she remembers it.

She's faster now! Oh, and she can fly! She forgot about that, she was so excited.

Twilikitty flies to Rarity's house and scratches and howls at her front door. It's closed! And she's gotten smaller and she can't open it with her little paws. Then she spots the cat door! She whisks through it in a flash! Yes!

THERE IS YARN IN HERE! Stop the presses, she can find Rarity later, there is yarn!

Five minutes go by as Twilikitty plays with the yarn and makes a huge mess. She's knocking over fabric, and hey! This bolt of fabric rolls! She's got her paws wrapped around it, nomming it, her eyes closed in bliss, and her tail lashing and her ears are little flat airplane ears. She's got it hugged in her paws, purring.

Twilikitty is almost half the size she was before, almost a kitten now that the transformation is ended. There's a surprised squeak as Sweetie Belle comes downstairs and finds her.

"Oh, Twilight, is that you? What happened to you? Was it Pinkie Pie?"

"Mya! Myaaa, mya, mya!"

Twilight tries to explain, but it's not working. Somehow, miraculously, Sweetie Belle seems to understand!

"You want my big sister! I'll go get her!"

A few minutes later, Rarity had a cat dish on the floor with delicious wet cat food in it! Opal was nearby, glaring at her. Twilikitty glared back. This was her territory now! Her food! She better not steal it! She crammed it all into her mouth, gulping it down greedily so the other cat couldn't eat it.

Rarity shook her head back and forth.

"Well, I hope Pinkie knows what to do. You're lucky, dear, I am well-stocked on cat food. You know you are the one who makes Pinkie's potions so we are in a real pickle of a predicament now!"

Rarity bends down to pet Twilikitty with her hoof. She hisses, she's eating! Don't touch me right now! Her fur puffs out into a little ball and her tail straightens out like an exclamation mark! Twilikitty hugs the food dish with her paws. This is mine! Mine!

Rarity backs off, hooves held up. She shares a weird look with Sweetie Belle. Twilight doesn't care, she just wants to eat this damn food. Why can't people leave her alone for like three minutes so she can eat? She's a cat. She just wants to play, eat, and sleep.

Soon, the food dish is empty. Twilikitty puts a paw on her bloated belly, feeling feel full. And tired!

She wants to take a nap. She jumps up onto the top of the refridgerator. It's really warm up here. Twilight instantly falls asleep as a little ball of purry fur on top of Rarity's fridge. Sweetie Belle puts a hoof to her lips, gesturing for Rarity to be quiet and they tiptoe out of the room.

"Let's let her sleep!"

Suddenly, Cryptic rips through the fourth wall, and yells "I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE! I HATE PONY LIFE!"

Credits roll.

Nowhere in the credits is the author's name to be found because no one cares. They only clicked on this because it had a cat. The author sighs and goes to get some coffee to write more. Imagine trying to make a hype-wave or fandom trend now that the fandom has died.

She thinks, damn, it's four hundred more days until the Generation 5 movie. That's a lot of time to write more about Twilikitty. Do you think people will like it? Hmm.

She puts the mug under the keurig and it fills with water. Instant coffee, creamer, two scoops of sugar. That'll do, writer. That'll do.

Yes, please, let's find Potion Nova! Meow!

The author, BCS, goes for a brisk walk, takes a picture of the sunrise. As she's making this fic, she gets some wake-up juice to start the day. Dark instant coffee, computer booted up with wallpaper of Lyra (which she made right) on the right and wallpaper of Starlight Glimmer's shimmering eyes on the left to remind her why she is still in this fandom.

Why she works so hard everyday to try and make friends and make people smile. After all, friendship is magic! She cracks her knuckles, and gets to work. Cryptic is sleeping in his little pony bed in the corner. She made her OC with a special VR program and then had him 3D printed. It's all the schizophrenic logic you can expect from Pony Life so why not?

And, yes, he just magically comes to life because just like Tinkerbell, he will continue to live as long as you clap your hands and believe!

But, dear reader, this is not just any fanfic. Oh, no! By leaving a comment, you can change the entire course of this story! Isn't that magical? You can truly shape something in your hands, like clay, and change it. Just like the author is doing herself!

Well, without further ado, let's continue. But please do be quiet. Cryptic is still sleeping! No loud noises please. She turns down the light, puts on her favorite music, and gets to business.

Rarity calls Pinkie on her phone and explains the situation.

"Yes, Darling, but she's a cat. I don't know if I properly explained myself so let me repeat: she is a small cat. She's mindless and she can't speak English."

There's a reply.

"What do you mean, you don't have a potion to reverse the effects of the new potion Twilight Sparkle was making for you? You don't have a potion to just cure them all? Are you saying this might be permanent?"

Pinkie Pie answers.

Rarity say a dirty word then apologizes.

"I'm sorry, Darling. But can you think of anyone else who might help? We can't just leave her like this!" Her voice breaks with classic whining. "She's our friend! Please, Pinkie, I can't handle extra cat food bills, extra cat toys, extra litter... Opal hates her... when she asked me to borrow Opal and my cat carrier, I never would have imagined it would have led to this! Please, please, please Pinkie, I'm begging you, help me out!"

Pinkie answers again.

"You'll be right over to take care of her? Oh, thank you, Darling! And I should visit Zecora and Potion Nova, you say? Oh, yes, brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? That's why you're my friend, dear!"

Overjoyed, Rarity puts down her cell phone and squees. She dances in place, she's so happy. This is the thing that could be the breakthrough! She gives Sweetie Belle instructions to lock Twilikitty in the bathtub with a litter pan, toys, dry food and to play with her while she's gone. Sweetie Belle salutes her older sister.

"Sure thing!" she says, a bit squeaky. "I've got this! Don't worry! Also, Rarity, should I give Celestia a call?"

"Not yet, dear. Let's not call in the big guns until we have to. I'm going to say hello to Pinkie's friend, Potion Nova, and then-" here, she shudders, "-And then go by the Everfree Forest to Zecora's hut."

"If you're scared, Rarity, I can give Applejack a call to go with you!"

Rarity immediately brightens.

"Yes, wonderful idea, dear! Please do that while I'm gone."

"No problem, big sis!"

Twilikitty has been shoved into a small room with tile floors. She hates it! It's cold in her! She jumps around, scratching at a towel with a loose thread and that keeps her entertained for a while.

She howls at the closed door, but Sweetie Belle won't come open it again. She's trapped and that's awful. It really upsets her! She enjoyed knocking over the fabric bolts earlier and that's where she wants to be.

At one point, Opal comes sniffing by the bathroom and sticks her paws under the door. They play like that for a while, fighting each other, without being able to actually see each other. That's fun, but it doesn't last long before Opal becomes bored and leaves. Now she has no playmate. Her whiskers droop.

Twilikitty uses the litter-box at one point (whew, all that cat food ran right through her! But, uh, let's not focus on that right now...) and covers up her leavings.

She snuggles up into the little cat-bed. It smells like Opal and she really hate that. She rubs herself all over the bed, wiggling back and forth, her scent glands activating to put her smell on the bed. Yeah, that's more like it! This bed belongs to Twilight now!

She gives a sleepy little meow, saying goodnight to herself, and rolls up into a puffy ball. Her tail wraps around her body until it touches her kitty nose. Yes, much warmer than those frosty cold tiles that feel like the Icy South of Equestria or straight out of the Frosthoof Mountains.

Rarity curses to herself, trying to read Pinkie Pie's terrible handwriting. Her directions are pure, unfiltered crap. None of this makes any sense. She made a right and it's just not there. And is that a 3 or a 6? Well, who knows!? It's hard to tell. Clearly, Pinkie Pie wrote this in a hurry.

She just picks a random house and knocks.

A purple pony with blue eyes answers the door. "Yes?"

"I'm looking for Potion Nova? Can you help me?"

"Why, sure! She's my next door neighbor. She's in house 45."

"Thanks!"

The purple earth pony shuts the door and Rarity tries the next house. Knock knock! The door opens and a breathtakingly beautiful mare with a white coat and pink hair opens the door. This must be Potion! Yes, she looks like Pinkie Pie described her. She also has some glasses on and she's holding a textbook in her forelegs.

"Hello!"

"Hi, Darling! I'm Rarity! You see, my friend Twilight has done something very embarrassing! She has turned herself into a cat! Could you, maybe, please, possibly be a dear and help me?"

Potion puts her hoof to her chin.

"Can you take me to her lab?"

"Yes, of course, dear! But first let's go to my house in Ponyville so I can show you here and then we'll go to her lab and the scene of the crime."

Potion Nova pets Twilikitty. She's purring. Potion smiles. "Of course, I will do everything in my power to help your friend."

Twilikitty arches and rubs herself against Potion Nova's legs. She's pretty adorable. For a moment, Rarity imagines her staying like this forever. But, no, that would be awful! What is she thinking?!

Rarity smiles and gives her a tight hug. "Thank you, Darling! But first, do you think we should go see Zecora with Applejack and get her advice?"

Potion sticks out her lips stubbornly. "No. Lab first, then we can get her... help."

Seems like there might be some bad blood or harsh feelings there. Hmm. Something to consider for the future. Rarity thinks to herself: Is this a mistake?

She's getting a weird feeling. A bad feeling.

The author stretches and Cryptic begins to wake up with a little yawn. She feeds him an apple. He really enjoys it and then go right back to sleep, half-eaten apple still in his little pony bed.

He doesn't seem so mad about Pony Life anymore, so that's promising.

She's feeling better now with her daily 1,000 words under her belt. Maybe this fic won't be so bad. Maybe she can even make multiple continuities and explore different possibilities. Plus, her computer is running and not broken. Even though she has to draw by hand or with her mouse, maybe it's not the end of the world.

Yeah.

She can do this. But are you ready for it?

Author's Note

Glitch Mob - Drink the Sea - 10 Year Anniversary Visualization