Rainbow Dash’s wings nervously fluffed and fluttered at her sides as she walked towards the distant sound of applebucking. The bright light of a clear, sunny day diffused through the tidy rows of apple trees, leaves rustling in the breeze. Normally—and especially on a day like this one—she would fly into Sweet Apple Acres, enjoying the sky for as long as possible. She just didn’t feel like it was worth it today, though.
She’d been feeling like that a lot lately.
It was too much effort and she just didn’t have the energy. Maybe tomorrow. And then ‘maybe tomorrow’s would pile up into only flying when she absolutely had to. And then she’d be stuck staring at the ceiling at three in the morning wondering why nothing was right.
She snorted and groaned, trying to will the thoughts away. Rainbow might not have known what was wrong with her, but she was sick of running in mental circles.
And, as much as she hated to admit it, she was scared. She was scared of the way things felt pointless; she was scared of the way she couldn’t sleep. But most of all she was scared that she just felt empty. Hollowed out.
Before her thoughts could go any further, she saw the mare she was looking for. Applejack was currently emptying buckets full of apples onto an already sizable pile in her cart. She stacked up the buckets in one corner of the cart before hitching herself to it.
Rainbow took a step towards her, but paused as she looked a little closer. Applejack had bags under her eyes and her coat was lathered with sweat. She was breathing heavily and it looked like she might fall asleep at any moment. Rainbow took a step back; maybe now wasn’t a good time to bother her about something she wasn’t sure how to actually explain. As she retreated further into the trees, a twig snapped under her hoof and Applejack’s head shot up towards her.
“Rainbow? What’s up, sugarcube?”
“Hey AJ. I, uh, wanted to talk to you about something. But you look really busy, so I’ll just leave you to it.” She rubbed her foreleg and chuckled awkwardly, hoping her friend would leave well enough alone.
“Just ‘cause I’m busy doesn’t mean I can’t spare a minute for a friend,” Applejack said, offering a small smile. “Could we walk and talk, though? Work waits for no one and all.”
“Yeah, of course. Thanks AJ,” Rainbow said, plastering a smile on her face as her brain screamed at her and her insides turned to acid and lead. So much for leaving well enough alone. She followed as Applejack walked to the next tree. “I’ve just been down lately, and I’m not sure what I should do about it.”
Applejack furrowed her brow. “Well, I’ve seen you down before Rainbow, but you always seemed better a few days later. Have you tried doing... Well, whatever it is you usually do when you’re feeling down?”
Rainbow sat down and circled her hoof in the air, as if willing her thoughts into motion. “Sure, I’ve tried doing that stuff,” Rainbow said, watching Applejack set up her baskets under a couple of unbucked trees. “I’ve tried practicing some tricks. I’ve tried every flying exercise I know. Hay, I’ve even tried just waiting this out, but nothing seems to be working.”
Hooves struck the first tree and apples thudded down. Applejack whistled. “Sounds pretty serious, then. You talk to Fluttershy or Twilight about this yet?” she asked as she walked to the second tree.
“No.”
Applejack paused, tilting her head. “Really? Would’ve figured you’d go to those two first, seeing as they’d probably know more about this kinda thing than I do.” She kicked, and apples rained down again.
“Well, maybe they do, but… You’re my best friend, AJ, and you’ve always been there for me.” The element of loyalty watched as Applejack emptied all of the buckets into her cart and sighed. Closing her eyes, she softly said, “I don’t even know what’s got me so down, and I’m just… lost.”
Silence stretched uncomfortably between the two, only interrupted by leaves rustling in the breeze. Rainbow squirmed, unsure whether that last sentence carried over the wind. Part of her hoped it had because she didn’t think she could say it again; part of her hoped it hadn’t, whispering doubts into the back of her mind. She hunched over, suddenly feeling small and powerless.
“So, you don’t know what’s got you down,” Applejack said slowly, breaking the silence, “And you decided the best course of action was to come here and not to, say, write down your thoughts or something?”
Rainbow’s eyes opened, and she wished they hadn’t. Applejack’s eyebrow was raised and the corners of her mouth were stretched back, unamused. Rainbow’s ears fell, as if pinned by an oppressive weight.
“Well, sure… Like I said, you’ve always been there for me.”
Applejack’s brow furrowed as she hitched herself to her cart. “Sorry, sugarcube, not trying to be rude or nothing, just… busy,” she said, tone gentler.
Rainbow Dash scrambled to her hooves, smiling despite her heart racing and her chest tightening. “Yeah, no worries!” She really hoped her voice hadn’t actually just cracked.
They walked to the next set of trees in silence. Rainbow sat on the soft grass again. She watched as Applejack put buckets beneath the new set of trees. Birds flew past, singing as they wove through the air, free and easy. Rainbow ground her hoof against the dirt.
Wiping some sweat from her brow, Applejack said, “So, could you try and explain what’s been wrong? And, I mean, not trying to be mean or nothing here, but I’ve got a lot more work to do today.” She awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. “So could we make it quick?”
Rainbow gulped; her throat felt like a vice now. She opened her mouth a few times, only to shut it. With every false start, Applejack looked a little more annoyed.
Finally, she forced out, “Well, it’s kind of like… little things get to me when they didn’t before. And I don’t have any energy, or… Um…” She stumbled over her words, trying to organize and express thoughts and feelings that were barely ordered before Applejack hurried her.
“Just spit it out already, girl!” Applejack shouted.
“I’m trying!” Rainbow shouted right back. She licked her suddenly dry lips. “It’s just… I can’t…”
Applejack stomped and glared at her. “Darn it Rainbow, why did you come out here if you can’t even talk about it?” Her tone was icy, and it cut Rainbow to the quick.
“W-what?” she managed to stutter out, scrambling backwards to her hooves as if she had been slapped. Rainbow’s mouth was agape and her eyes were wide. She had trusted her, and now… Tears welled up in Rainbow’s eyes and no matter how hard she tried to blink them away, they continued to blur her vision.
Applejack’s own jaw fell open as her words caught up to her. Her eyes softened and she frowned. “Sugarcube… You know I didn’t mean it like that.” Applejack said, tone remorseful. Applejack took a step forward, but stopped when Rainbow recoiled in response.
Rainbow Dash saw it all just as surely as she saw the sky was blue; she felt it just as surely as the grass beneath her hooves. The retraction was meaningless. Just an olive branch being offered to her after getting struck with it. It didn’t matter.
She collected herself and offered a shaky smile. “Y-yeah, of course not. It’s cool, AJ.” She turned away and flapped her wings. “I’ll see you later.”
Under her breath, she added, “Sorry for wasting your time.”
If Applejack said anything else, she didn’t hear it.
She flew home faster than she’d flown in weeks, gritting her teeth because she knew it still wasn’t fast enough. Vision blurry and guided primarily by instinct, she flew through her open window and crashed into her bed. The impact stole her breath, and for a second all she could do was gasp and whimper.
Smashing her face against a pillow, Rainbow screamed and wailed until her throat was raw. All of the frustration and anger of the day slowly drained away. When she could scream no more, she sobbed, but no matter how long and how hard she cried, the feelings of hurt and betrayal stayed.
Finally, wheezing and rasping, eyes red and puffy, she lost any meager energy she had left and flopped onto her back. Rainbow Dash stared at her unchanging ceiling until her eyes grew heavy and she fell into dreamless sleep.
