Diamonds Come From Coal

For a pony, an empty train car was a welcome sight. For a dragon, the busier, the better. When everyone is shoulder to shoulder, jam packed into a box like a can of sardines, there’s no regard for the face to the left or right. There’s no judgement; all conventions of personal space, of consideration fade. The only thing in anyone’s focus is the awkwardness, and the collective, lingering stench of subway surfers.

On a gloomy Sunday afternoon, Smolder stood out. The aisles were clear and seats were taken with plenty of room in between each patron. Her head rested on the vibrating window of the train as the metal wheels clacked against the track. In encore, the fluorescent light above buzzed. At this rate she was never going to get any rest no matter how much she longed for a morsel of sleep. She wagered even without all the commotion, sleep was a lost cause.

She stared out the window thoughtlessly as the train descended from Canterlot mountain, and Ponyville edged itself into her view. It was only a matter of minutes before she’d be back, and for the first time since her initial visit all excitement of returning had been sapped. She glanced around the train car to a smattering of ponies, most of which were minding their own business, and the remaining few goggling at her like an atrocity, all of whom averted their gaze when Smolder scanned the room. Cowards, she thought.

She’d grown used to the microcosms of some ponies in her presence. Given dragons’ reputation, she could hardly blame the inconsiderate behavior. Nevertheless, it still irritated her. On any other day she’d scoff at their ignorance but today her mind was elsewhere.

She loved going home to the Dragonlands. As she always said, between the stench of sulfur and the rough rocks underneath her claws, it was a dream come true.

Unfortunately her visit was on less-than-ideal terms—terms she wished she didn’t have to deal with ever. Of course the more she didn’t want to do something, the universe insisted she had to get done with it sooner than later. Just her luck. At least now it was done. She took solace in the fact that it was over, but something inside her pushed back. She winced, knowing damn well she was still terrified.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the train pulled into Ponyville station. Unleashing an emphatic yawn, Smolder stretched her limbs as far as she could. She threw her backpack on her back and exited the train into gusty, warm air. The canopy of dark, devouring clouds overhead indicated Cloudsdale had a summer storm brewing in its cauldron for today.

With the overcast weather, flying was out of the question, so Smolder found herself at the door of the School of Friendship after a short walk. She managed to arrive before the bottom fell out of the sky, quickly letting herself in just in case the weather had any second thoughts about leaving her untouched.

She stepped into the massive foyer and made a beeline to the Administrative corridor. A pair of metal doors separated the admin hall from the rest of the lobby. With a swift push she made her way inside and down the hall to Headmare Twilight’s door. Though it was closed, the small rectangular window bled orange light indicating Twilight was most likely there.

Smolder took a deep breath. She hesitated before knocking on the door, reassuring herself that she was ready to answer questions regarding the last week should they arise. Her shoulders slumped forward as she took a half-step away from the door.

She wasn’t ready and she knew it.

And in the calamity of her indecision she knocked on the door. Almost immediately, Twilight answered.

“Come in!”

Smolder took one last deep breath. It was too late; she’d already committed.

Smolder pushed the door open and peered inside. “Hey, Headmare Twilight.”

“Hi Smolder.” Twilight said, offering a gentle gaze, as a quill danced in her purple magic to her side. “Take a seat, and I’ll be right with you. I’m just finishing up a letter if you don’t mind.”

“Uh yeah sure, take your time.” Smolder pulled out the chair across from Twilight and took her seat.

She twiddled her thumbs as she reclined back in the office chair, easily the most comfortable seat she’d had in a week. The dim-lit Principal’s Office wasn’t exactly the best welcome back, but it was a good buffer before she returned to the dorm.

“And done.” Twilight laid her quill down and swiveled away from her work to greet the dragon with an uncomfortably wide smile.Twilight’s perpetual over-enthusiasm didn’t bother Smolder nowadays. “I got your letter. What was it you wanted to talk to me about, today?”

“So I’ve obviously had a lot of time to do some thinking since I’ve been out of town, and in my time away from school I’ve done some reflection. I think I want to study Psychology for our upcoming year.” Smolder picked at her claws as she spoke, turning away from Twilight as she spoke. “I think it’d be cool. I want to study how brains work, particularly dragon brains. Ya know like the how and the why and all that stuff?” She looked up to meet a very attentive Twilight, perhaps a little too interested for Smolder’s liking.

“That’d be fantastic, Smolder.” Twilight hovered a new scroll from her filing cabinet, and a freshly inked quill as well. “There isn’t a lot to be known about the minds of dragons or the inklings behind their behavior, so I could see a lot of room for research there.” Twilight wrote feverishly, the tip of her tongue showing as she blazed down the page.

The thought of research made Smolder groan internally, but she figured she’d have to get over it some day. “Yeah, I know there’s not a lot on it, but I was hoping you could help me.”

“Of course!” Twilight cheered without breaking her penmanship. “Now what exactly inspired you to study Psychology?”

Smolder tapped her chin, searching for the most plain answer that crossed her mind. “It just seems interesting. Got to thinking about things when I went home, and I realized how little I know about why we act the way we do as dragons.” She scratched the back of her head, askewing her glance to the incoming drizzle outside of the office window. “I guess I just have questions and the answer ‘it’s just dragons’ isn’t satisfying anymore.”

Twilight scribbled a couple more lines and laid her quill to rest for good this time. She reached her hoof across the desk towards Smolder. Her expression softened. “I think that’s really great, Smolder. It’s an important attribute in learning to want to search beyond the surface-level, to want to understand the ‘why’ and the ‘how’, not just that things happen. I think you’ll find Psychology is a truly fascinating field for every creature, particularly your own.”

Smolder nodded, averting her eyes from Twilight as she opened her mouth to speak once again. “Yeah, I think it’d be cool.” She kicked her feet lightly in the air, and finally noticed her fidgeting. She pushed her legs into the ground and returned her eyes to Twilight who was, to no surprise, still staring at her.

“Alright, well I’ve got your choice written down, and remember you have some time to change it if you wish to do so. Understood?”

Smolder confirmed with a nod.

Twilight grasped the scroll in her violet embrace and tucked it away in one of her desk drawers, only breaking eye contact with Smolder for a moment. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No, I think that’s it.”

Twilight’s brilliant magic flashed once more, pulling her office door open with a soft squeal of the hinges. “Well,” she said, rising to her hooves, “let me know if there’s anything you need to talk about, okay?”

“Will do.” Smolder slipped out the chair and headed for the door.

“Wait, Smolder.” Smolder stopped in her tracks, brow raised in anticipation, as she swiveled to face the headmare, “You do know you can talk to me about anything right?” Worry replaced the smile that was on her teacher’s face moments ago.

Smolder gritted her teeth. To think she was about to stroll out of the room without addressing the elephant in the room was as far-fetched a fantasy as she dreamt them. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“Are you sure?” Twilight’s voice faltered slightly. Smolder frowned and her shoulders slumped forward; she unsuccessfully racked her head for a decent response. For days she tried to come up with the perfect excuse to put people at ease, but still she was empty-handed. Twilight figured as much. “I don’t mean to be invasive but loss is tough on anyone. And I know dragons don’t really handle things the same way as ponies, but with it being someone like your father I’m sure—”

“I said I’m fine!”

Twilight jerked back slightly in her chair.

That had come out way harsher than Smolder intended it to be—she’d definitely have to improve her composure.

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do here, I just—I only got back a half-hour ago, I’m tired, and w-we weren’t close a-and I’m ready to start the semester.”

Twilight nodded. “I understand.”

A weak smile crossed Smolder’s face. “Thank you.” She took a few steps more towards the door and stole a last glance at Twilight. “And if you don’t mind, try keeping it a secret from my friends next time. They gave me a card. It was nice, but I would have told them on my own terms.”

Twilight chewed her lip, and in her moment of hesitation Smolder took the opportunity to disappear. She pattered down the marble hall into the lobby, the slam of the metal double door echoing behind her.

The rain picked up, and she shivered as she stepped foot into the storm. For the middle of summer, the rain sure was frigid. Dragons weren’t a huge fan of anything cold to begin with, but storms of icy, stinging rain were a bit much for any sensible creature.

The rain fell in chrome tendrils, quickly muddying the dirt beneath her claws. The sky was a gray canvas, and nature a tumultuous painter, hashing out its calamity in matching shades of Smolder’s own brainstorm: grey and blurred. Raindrops trickled down her forehead, globual drops swelling, clinging to her eyelashes and blurring her vision.

She trudged slower through the muck. She dreaded her arrival to the dormitory. With any luck, she’d be able to quietly slip inside.

Thunder cracked, shaking the earth, reminding Smolder what direction her luck had been trending.

Smolder shifted her eyes to the ground; it took too much effort to stand up straight. Her eyes were glassy, and her blinks were heavy. She crossed her arms, holding herself tightly to keep herself warm from the whipping wind and freezing rain as goosebumps formed under her skin. Despite the miserable conditions, she was too exhausted to quicken her pace, and she still didn’t know what to say to her friends tonight, nevermind tomorrow.

Time escaped her as she shuffled underneath the canopy to her dormitory. In long, drawn out motions she scraped any grime beneath her feet on a welcome mat before reaching out to the doors of her building. She paused, and tried her best to see inside the dorm hall but the curtain blocked any vision inside. With a few clicks of her tongue she pondered any other options she had before caving in the form a firm push inside the building.

She was met with a gust of cold air conditioning, bringing a particularly strong shiver up her spine. She pulled the door closed behind her and slumped over, a groan escaping her lips.

“Soggy much?” Smolder glanced up from the floor to meet the smirk of the scientific phenomenon of Equestria’s sole blue Griffon.

To Smolder, the only phenomenal thing about Gallus was his ability to be in the right place for wry remarks when she last wanted to hear them. “I’m flattered you couldn’t wait to see me so badly that you trudged through a Typhoon. And who said you don’t have heart.”

Smolder flashed a grin, tapping a claw against her chin thoughtfully. “Probably the same creature that said ‘if you keep it up bird brain, you might not have testicles.’”

Gallus recoiled visibly. “Ouch and duly noted.” He turned and paced down the dorm corridor. Smolder’s stomach dropped upon realizing that dodging her friends was a pipe dream as Gallus’ booming voice rang out: “Hey guys,” he shouted, “Guess who just got back from the Dragonlands!”

In moments one, two, three doors flew open so fast that they would have come off the hinges if they were anything less than titanium. Out of one came a pink blur and a shrill, piercing cry. Smolder cringed, and before she knew it she’d been tackled to the ground, nose-to-beak with none other than Silverstream.

“Oh my Gosh, welcome back! We all missed you so, so, so, so, so, so much.” Smolder shook her head, dazed, as Silverstream wrapped her up into a hug, burying herself into the dragon’s chest.

Smolder’s eyes bounced around, a bit dreary. She saw the heads of two of her other friends on either side of Silverstream—Ocellus and Sandbar, smiling softly.

Silverstream reared back, her face now a foot away and in Smolder’s full focus. Tears welled in the corner of the hippogriff’s eyes. “I’m so, so sorry to hear about your Dad. I can’t imagine what would happen if I lost my Dad; I love my Dad! If there’s anything I can ever do for you, just say the word, say the word, and I’ll be there. Did you get our card? We sent a card—”

A hoof separated their faces, causing them both to look to the side. “I think she needs a little space, don’t you think?” Sandbar grinned.

Silverstream backpedalled. “Oh my Gosh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

Sandbar offered his hoof to the dragon, who graciously accepted it and pulled herself up to a sitting position. “I’m fine,” she said. “And thanks for the card, guys. I mean it.”

“How was going back home?” Ocellus asked half-heartedly.

Water dripped from her face as Smolder patted herself down, returning to her feet with a flick of her wings. “It obviously wasn’t under the most, uh, ideal circumstances but I was glad I got to see my mom and my brother again. Lava baths are definitely one of the best ways to lose yourself, that’s for sure.” She twisted her body side to side, earning a pop from her back. She was exhausted and her body was too. Her feet and wings ached especially.

“Well I’m glad you got something positive out of it,” Gallus said.

“Yeah, we missed you a lot!” Ocellus added, tentatively stepping closer before embracing Smolder into a sheepish side-hug.

It took a moment, but the blank expression on Smolder’s face crept into one of comfort. In the faint warmth of her friend’s embrace, she sighed. It could be worse. Sure the Dragonlands were “home”, but so was Ponyville, which was a realization Smolder never imagined she would have when she first came to Equestria a couple years ago.

Something was amiss. Smolder scanned the room. “Where’s Yona?”

“Oh, she’s not back yet,” Sandbar said. “She won’t be back for another couple of days. Her train from Yakyakistan got delayed for some reason, but she said to make sure you knew you’d be getting a certified Yakyakistan hug when she gets here.”

“Yeah, I think she called it ‘Yakking Off the Blues.’” Gallus said, the corners of his mouth stretching into a devilish grin.

Smolder snorted. “Lovely.” She strutted forward, and flicked Gallus in the head. It was a good one too, the thump echoed through the hall.

“Hey.” He rubbed the newly-earned welt. “You laughed; I didn’t deserve that.”

“It was a pity laugh,” she fired back.

“Still a laugh,” he said, crossing his forearms as he glided down the hall with her, their friends following close behind.

As much as Smolder loved her friends, she was drained, not to mention drenched. She needed to sleep the rest of the day off and start anew tomorrow.

“Well, I’m glad to be missed,” she said, rubbing the nape of her neck,” but I want to hear about what you guys have been up to! I know it might sound a little strange, but I’d like it if I wasn’t the focus of attention.” A light, nervous laugh slipped out and she pivoted on a claw to face her friends. “I’m glad you guys checked up on me; makes me feel better, honest.” She forced a soft smile, trying to sell her lie as best she could.

“Of course,” Sandbar said, “we know what you’re going through is difficult. I know when I lost my grandpa I was really torn up, but we’re here with you every step of the way. Right guys?”

A chorus of agreement and bright faces responded, causing a whirlwind of emotions to ripple through Smolder’s heart. Her cheeks grew aflame, and she squirmed in mental agony. Her friends really were too good for her sometimes, and she felt awful for lying to them, but she wished they never knew in the first place. She was overcome with both warmth and a sense of impending terror, though she was good at hiding both.

“Thanks guys. It means a lot to me to have you as friends.” She put the key into her lock and twisted. It creaked open, pouring light into the cavernous room as she turned to wave her friends away. “But I’m tired. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?”

A reprise of goodnights and “sleep wells” flooded her ears as she stepped inside and slowly closed the door behind her, until there was only a thin stream of light faintly illuminating the particles floating about the room.

The door met resistance, but she hadn’t fully closed it. Her brow furrowed, and she stole a glance to see two talons just inside her door frame. “I swear you have feathers in your ears.” She groaned, slapping away at the invading claw.

“Ow.” The door opened wide once again. “Why did I think you weren’t going to be this abusive this time that you returned from home?”

“Maybe I wouldn’t hit you if you would listen. I said I’m tired.”

Gallus flicked on the light, shutting the door behind him. “Oh, you’re too tired for me. too?”

She shook her head, suppressing a laugh. “Yes, you too.”

“Hey if you keep rolling your eyes at me at this rate, I’ll have two more marbles for my collection.”

Smolder shimmied her way over to her bed and flopped on to it, sprawling across it like a spider monkey as she stared at the slowly accelerating ceiling fan. “Do you even collect marbles or did you hear that somewhere?”

“Your eyes would be the first two.” Gallus rolled his shoulders back and stood tall, donning a sharp, confident grin.

“So some dumb line you heard.” Smolder allowed herself a chuckle. “Got it.” She rested her head on her arms and sighed. It was good to be able to lay down. Well, it was good to be able to lay down on her own accord; being tackled to the ground by caffeine reincarnate wasn’t the most relaxing. Her bed creaked as the weight shifted. She peered to the foot of her bed and relinquished another sigh. “You’re still here. That’s incredible.”

“Oh come on, I’m trying to be a good friend.”

She propped herself up on her elbows, and raised her brow at him. “By limiting my leg room?”

“No.” He slid off the bed and floated just high enough that she could see him in her peripherals. “I just wanted to check on you, to see if you needed anything, that’s all. If you don’t I’ll be on my way.”

“Well, I don’t. Thanks though. Turn off the light on the way out—” Smolder’s voice stalled. She jerked out of her resting state into a sitting position, eyes popped open wide. A memory in her muddled mind mortified her. A blast from the past—all of a sudden, a gruesome image gripped her, tore at her, and she was left short-winded.

Gallus dashed to her side. “Smolder? Smolder, are you okay?” Her eyes darted rapidly, her neck twisting to the sound of Gallus’ voice. Her eyes met his. She could see the fear for her in his eyes. She could feel the color flush from her face as her leg kicked and twitched. “Smolder?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Her skin crawled, and she swallowed hard. The memory that streaked through her racing mind was gone, but its effect left Smolder tremoring. “I’m just really tired, Gallus. I’m twitchy; didn’t get any sleep on the train.”

He gave Smolder an incredulous look and rightfully so. After her outburst, now he was never going to leave. “That looked like a little bit more than a twitch to me,” he said, placing a wing on her back.

She groaned. She wanted him to go, but her body gave a pretty convincing argument for him to stay. “Fair.”

“Is there anything you need me to do?” Gallus asked, kneeling in front of her, tilting his head to the side.

Smolder rubbed her temples in circular motions. With the rapid movement she’d disoriented herself royally. “No, I don’t think so. I just need sleep.”

Gallus nodded, then sniffed the air, meriting a grimace. “Oh God, what is that smell?”

Smolder rolled her eyes once more. “Me, probably.” She sighed. “You didn’t give me a chance to shower, bird brain.”

He took another whiff. “Yeah, you’re right, I didn’t. My mistake.” His tongue lolled out of his mouth in disgust as he made excessive gagging sounds.

“Good lord, you’re such a drama queen,” she said, leaning forward and landing another flick to his earlobe. He drew back, narrowly avoiding the strike. “If you want to make yourself useful, check my cabinet for an aspirin; I might have an old bottle. I’m going to start a shower.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Gallus said, putting his head into the cabinet as he dug through the mess, and Smolder disappeared into her bathroom. The shower’s brisk mist cutting through the air served as a tick for Gallus’ daring wit. “Got room for two?”

Gallus turned around to see a very unimpressed Smolder glaring at him just around the doorframe.

“Do you have a deathwish today or something?” she asked, retreating back to her bathroom.

He snickered to himself as he continued to rummage through the closet until something caught his eye. “Hey, who’s this?”

Smolder stepped back into her room and waited until Gallus pulled out an old, tattered picture frame.

For a fraction of a second Smolder’s eyes widened. She cracked her jaw, trying to ease the rush of emotions that just flooded through her veins. “Uh, that’s a picture of me and my dad when I was little.”

He stared at it for a moment, his eyes softening. “Oh.” Silence graced the room. “I’m really sorry, Smolder.”

“Don’t be,” she said curtly, glaring at him. “I have his memory. Isn’t that enough already?”

Gallus was a bit puzzled by that statement. He raised a talon, about to question it, but the picture caught his attention first. The photo frame was in poor condition, and the glass was shattered, with stains tattered over the picture itself. He glanced to the side of her bed to see two matching photo frames, one of her and her mother, and of her and her brother, both in pristine condition.

Once more, Gallus prepared himself to prod but decided against it, and opted for a more surface level question. “How did you say he died again?”

“Rock conked him on the head. Well, several rocks actually. Cave collapsed on the old geezer, so not the most glorious way to go, but then again, for as much fire as we spit, us dragons rarely go down in a blaze of glory.” She tapped her foot on the floor, eyes bouncing around the room as anxiety began to pinch at her throat.

“I’m going to spruce up this picture frame, get some new glass for it, and reprint this picture.”

“What, why would you do that?” she asked, surprise clear in her voice. She took a couple quick steps towards him, but stopped herself short. She wanted to do nothing more than snatch the photo away from him and toss it in the closet, but she had to stay calm. The calmer she was, the less questions Gallus or anyone else asked.

Gallus rubbed the back of his neck. “I just thought you’d like a nicer way to remember him than a run-down photo.”

She scrunched her face. “I don’t know. He kind of had a funeral service, and they buried his body in a lava pit. For a dragon, he already got off pretty good.”

“It wouldn’t be that much effort. I’d have it done in a couple days, tops,” he quipped.

“Look, Gallus, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but I’d rather if you didn’t.” She took the photo back and gave it a quick dust off before tossing it back in the dresser. “I have my own way of remembering my Dad.”

He shrugged. “If you say so.”

She flew up to Gallus, hovering by the door, and gave him a hug. Smolder was rarely the one to accept hugs, and even more rarely did she initiate them, but between her and Gallus, it was her initiative or it wasn’t happening. “Thanks Gallus,” she said, “I mean it.”

“Of course,” he said, returning the embrace.

She pulled back rather quickly, meeting the bird's gaze and temperate expression. She noticed he had bags under his eyes as well, but dismissed the possibility her news had anything to do with that. Maybe he was going through some tough times of his own. Her heart tugged away at her, but the fatigue resting on her shoulders pushed with more force.

Smolder exhaled. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to shower, and sleep. I’ll totally catch you tomorrow, but for now, I really need to get to bed. Okay?” She threw open her bedroom door, and gestured towards the hall.

“Good soldiers follow orders,” he said, firing a wink and drifting out into the hall.

He wasn’t a little prick all of the time.

“See ya later, bird brain,” she jeered, shutting the door and locking it before Gallus could conjure a curt comment of his own.

Once again, she was alone.

A light tatter caught her attention as the picture frame Gallus discovered tumbled onto the floor. She eyed it carefully before walking over, hesitantly. Gripping it with her claw, she stared at the back side of the frame. It had been years since she’d cared enough to look at it. To be honest, she was surprised she even brought it with her to Equestria. It was likely that her mom made her, and Smolder just dumped it somewhere, hoping it’d disappear into clutter.

She threw it back into her cabinet, swiped an aspirin bottle and rattled it to confirm there were still a few pills left. She stuck a finger into the bottle, wrestled out a pill and popped it into her mouth.

As she screwed the top back on the bottle, she took a gander down and realized the picture was facing right side up. She reached down into the closet with her free claw, grabbed the picture and chucked it across the room. A loud, metallic clang rang throughout the room. Bullseye. It sat on the rim of the trash, as a glass shard or two fell in.

She rattled the pill bottle once more, unscrewed it, and took a couple more. The last thing she wanted to do was think right now.