Author's Note

Hey guys. This finally updated. Before reading this please note this chapter deals with VERY dark themes of mental health. Please note this before reading this.

I do love comments so feel free to leave me some and enjoy the read.

03....Living

The taste was bitter only having the slightest taste of apples mixed into it. Still he drank from the bottle. The numbing burn of alcohol was all he needed. Anything to escape the crushing feeling of today. He had a break down in the middle of the goddamn street after seeing a fucking cupcake. That thought caused him to pound the alcoholic apple cider harder.

Finally pulling the tip of the bottle out of his mouth he shook the taste that lingered. He stared down at the bottle. It was plastered with the flim flam brother’s logo on it. No wonder it tasted like shit. AJ would’ve been pissed that he was drinking this. That thought came across his mind then another much worse thought came. He would never taste her cider again.

Even if the other apples were around…it just wouldn’t taste the same without her. He remembered picking the apples with her. She complained that he always went a little slower than the others. He couldn’t kick the apples down himself. He had to do them by hand. He didn’t know if he had the strength to go back to the farm.

He wasn’t sure if he could look any of the apples in the eye….he was suppose too protect her after all. He stopped the thought with another bad taste of cider. That bitter taste pissed him off. He fuck’n chucked the bottle into the bushes of the castle courtyard as hard as he could. It didn’t make him feel better. He was staring down at the long drop from where he was sitting. His vision was getting a little blurry.

If he just leaned a little forward all of this would be…that thought was silenced by the voice from above. “Couldn’t sleep either huh?” It was a motherly soothing voice that he knew all too well.

Celestia flew downwards landing on the balcony. She was right beside him. She leaned her frame against the railing. Her eyes locked on him now. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at her. Just kept staring downwards. Closing his eyes to drown out everything. The sound of her voice once again stop that.

“I heard what happened on the street today. You know I am here if you want too….” He heard her but, not really. Those words tasted just as bitter as the drink he just had.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t want to talk about it.” The tone was cold towards her.

“I know this is a hard time for you but, we have to be there for each other.” She answered.

That sentiment pissed him off probably more than it should have.

“…” He didn’t answer he felt anything that left his lips right now would be soaked in venom. He just turned from her.

There was a long silence as Anon just stared down into that abyss below. Finding himself standing up on the railing on the balcony still looking down. Celestia turned her head to him. “Anon?” She asked.

There was still no answer from him. Why was he still alive? It should have been him. He was so….cowardly on that day. When they needed him most….he fuck’n froze.

“Anon. Please come down your scaring me.” She voiced.

“I should’ve done more. I was right there with them. I did so much with them over the time I have been here. They always rose to meet the challenge. I never really felt like I did much to help when things got serious but, they always thanked me for helping. Why couldn’t I have done something more?” He asked not really of her but, the world itself.

“Anon there was nothing you could have….”

“YES THERE WAS. I could've shielded one of them. I COULD'VE LET MY MEANINGLESS LIFE GO TO SAVE A PONY THAT HAD PUT THERE LIFE ON THE LINE EVERY TIME.” Shouting now at her.

He turned to her and in that moment his foot slipped against the railing his body went into a free fall. Celestia instantly went for him diving over the railing her hooves wrapping around his arms. Barely holding onto him. She gritted her teeth. Now hanging over the railing with him.

“ANON GRAB ONTO THE RAILING. I DON’T HAVE THE MAGIC OR STRENGTH TO PULL YOU UP.” She shouted down to him.

Anon just looked into her eyes. “Just….let me go. I can’t do this anymore…EVERYTHING reminds me of them. I know this pain in my chest won’t stop JUST…” He then felt something cold against his face. Droplets from her eyes. He stared at her. She was balling. The princess of the sun. A mare he never once seen really cry was now breaking down.

“Please….I don’t want to lose anyone else….please.” She begged him.

Anon just reached out gripping onto the railing trying to pull himself up as she pulled as well. He landed on his bottom on the balcony. She was sitting in front of him crying. He didn’t know what to say but, she leaned against his chest. “Please don’t die.” She begged again.

He found his arms wrapping around her body. A tight embrace was given to one of the most powerful creatures of this land. He rubbed through her fur as she cried. “I…I am sorry.” He found the words coming out of his mouth as the tears now flowed out from his own eyes.

She put her head on his shoulders and he hugged into her warm frame. Even her wings wrapped around his body. “I can’t lose anyone else Anon.” She uttered out weakly.

“I won’t go anywhere. I just…it hurts. Everything I love about this world was…attached to them in some way or another.” Spilling that out as he pulled back from the embrace wiping his eyes.

She looked at him sniffling some. “I am here for you…and you can be here for me. We have to try to heal. Please…will you come tomorrow we're holding the….” She couldn’t get the words out.

“I’ll….go.” He answered.

Her eyes sparkled for a moment. They stared into each other’s eyes. Anon soon found himself leaning into her. A kiss was shared. Maybe it was because of high emotions…maybe it had always been there but, they kissed. A soft kiss that turned deeper for a few seconds. The pain in Anon's heart felt just a little lighter in those seconds.

Celestia pulled back. She put a hoof over her lips. She just looked at him. “I…I am….” She shook her head. “We have a lot to do tomorrow.” She uttered turning her head out of shame. She quickly trotted to the door. Making her exit.

Anon found himself sitting on his bed after that. He was tired. He was real tired. He soon found himself drifting off into the realm of dreams.