Cards of Chaos

by Thought Prism

Rating: teen
Tags: Dungeons and Dragons, Dark, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Discord, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7233

The CMC obtain a Deck of Many Things. Events proceed in the expected disasterous manner from there.

There exists an item of such tempestuous power, of forsaken woe and glorious splendor, that those who are aware of it only speak its name in whispers. And yet, the temptation always reappears, the prospect of dreams fulfilled too alluring for the ignorant to resist. Throughout the realms, its origins and exact appearance vary, but the results of its use almost never leave those mortal fools walking away happy. It is called the Deck of Many Things. And one just fell into the outstretched hooves of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. May fortune save them from their doom.

(You don't actually need to know anything about D&D to understand this. Not knowing what's coming might actually make the experience even funnier, honestly.)

Coverart by Zetamad

Published 2020-07-06 02:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-06 02:00:00 UTC

Brainstorming is not advised.

Scootaloo stood proudly beside her longtime friends of shared destiny and experiences. They'd just finished helping another foal discover their path in life by tackling the problem from new angles. Today, that pony was Gold Standard, the young cousin of a former thorn in her side: Silver Spoon. But that didn't matter to Scootaloo. The special satisfaction she could only get from helping others, and not even from spending time with Rainbow Dash, filled her regardless.

"Somepony looks excited," Scootaloo noted through her wide grin.

At the moment, the bright yellow filly was spinning in place like an excited puppy, trying to get the best possible view of her new Cutie Mark: a white circle with a green checkmark inside. After a bit, she got dizzy, and stopped to smile up at the teenage fillies who'd helped make it possible. "I never would have guessed that my special talent had to do with quality control," she confirmed. "I thought for sure it would be something to do with forks. But now it's like everything makes perfect sense!"

Sweetie Belle dipped her head in a profound nod. "That's how it always goes. After the fact, it seems completely obvious."

"Seriously, y'all lucked out, Gold," Apple Bloom confirmed. "My sis still gets nightmares about those dining etiquette classes my aunt made her take. Instead of that, now almost every company in Equestria will be chompin' at the bit to hire you when you grow up."

"I know, it's great!" she confirmed, pronking in place with the energy of the young. "I just have to repay you guys somehow!"

Apple Bloom waved dismissively, faintly embarrassed. "Aw, you don't have to do that."

"We get a decent public service stipend from the Mayor, same as Fluttershy," Sweetie explained.

"Just inviting us to your Cute-Ceñera is enough," Scootaloo winked, never one to pass up free cake.

"Still, I just got an idea, gimmie a bit," Gold Standard insisted. Then, she galloped back into her house, which they'd been standing outside. After a long moment where nothing but the faint sounds of rummaging reached their ears, she returned, carrying an odd-looking box on her back.

Scootaloo's brow rose as she studied it. Bearing a carved and painted design on its lid, the small hardwood container seemed extremely old - ancient, even - and featured a stylized visage of Discord, double-sided like the princess in a deck of playing cards. In one claw he gripped a tantalizing, multicolored gem, while the one in the other corner held aloft a large anvil. It looked cool, and she wanted to see what was inside, maybe mess around with it.

"What's that?" Apple Bloom asked, with a hint of apprehension.

"I have no idea!" Gold exclaimed, holding it out to her. "I found this weird box in the attic a while back, but Grandpa Spoony Bard told me to put it back. Said something about whatever's inside being super powerful and dangerous, and to never ever open it. So, I figured it would be good to get it out of the house. And you three seem like very smart ponies who would know what to do with it."

"I mean... I guess so," Apple Bloom acknowledged. Shrugging, she nonchalantly accepted the box.

Now unburdened, Gold stepped back. "Anyway, I gotta go find my parents to show them my butt! See you later, and thanks again!"

"No problem. Bye, Gold Standard!" Scootaloo waved as the filly departed. Gift of debatable coolness aside, she was such a sweet kid.

That left the three of them alone in the street. Well, aside from the usual folks ambling this way and that. Sweetie Belle was the first to speak up. "Well, now what? Are we still going over to Sugarcube Corner for milkshakes, or should we go take that box over to the post office?"

Well, that was a random idea. "Why would we do that?" Scootaloo asked.

"Gold said it was dangerous. We should send it up to Twilight in Canterlot as soon as we can, so she can lock it up someplace safer," Sweetie stated, as if it was obvious.

"Can't we at least look inside, though?" Scootaloo posed. "I'm kinda curious, now. Her grandpa might've just been the panicky type."

Apple Bloom was the tiebreaking vote, as well as the de-facto leader of their trio, so rather than continuing to argue, Scootaloo pointedly turned to her and waited. Sweetie did the same. As they watched, Apple Bloom's brow furrowed slightly in thought before she eventually spoke. "I suppose a peek wouldn't hurt," she said, and Scootaloo silently punched the air with a hoof. "But we should do it someplace outside town, just in case the box turns everything nearby into pudding, or something."

"Yeah, alright," Sweetie acquiesced. "Does the old clubhouse work?"

"Oh, sure," Apple Bloom confirmed.

With that, Scootaloo and company cantered off for Sweet Apple Acres. After about fifteen minutes of travel, they found themselves sitting in a circle on the grass outside the small treehouse, staring at the mysterious box resting between them.

"This was your idea, Scoots," began Apple Bloom. "So why don't you do the honors?"

"Okay, sure," she replied. Then, Scootaloo carefully gripped the lid of the box on both sides. It was wedged in there pretty tightly, but after a bit of jiggling, it popped off, revealing the box's contents. Said contents only gave Scootaloo more questions. There didn't seem to be any risk of immediate physical harm, nor any ominous aura of dark magic. Instead, there was only a stack of white rectangles sitting snugly within the box's red velvet interior lining. They seemed to be made of some material Scootaloo had never seen before, like a cross between bone and marble. Other than that, though, they were nothing special.

Judging by their expressions, Apple Bloom and Sweetie were equally disappointed. "Huh. That was anticlimactic," Sweetie said. "It's just a stack of thin little tiles."

Grumbling in annoyance, Scootaloo tossed the lid onto the ground, where it landed face down. She was about to call this whole thing a wash when she saw the text etched onto the back. "Wait, look at this!" Pointing to the old-timey script, Scootaloo began scanning the lines at once, her friends peering over her shoulders.

Behold: the Deck of Many Things
These cards contain the inauspicious power to reshape lives.
Some may bring about your wildest dreams, others your most dreadful nightmares.
To invoke this power, one may declare their intent to draw a specified number of them from the deck, then do so.

Never mind, Scootaloo thought, this just got very interesting. "Are you two seeing what I'm seeing?"

"If what you're seeing is a confirmation that this 'Deck of Many Things' is magic, as well as an extremely vague explanation about what it does, then yes," Sweetie Belle said, cautiously.

"Well, the easy solution to that is to just test it out!" Scootaloo confirmed, tail wagging behind her.

"For once, can you maybe not be hasty?" Sweetie Belle bluntly insisted. "It seems incredibly suspect to me, Scootaloo."

Was Sweetie seriously going to lord her vocabulary over her right now to try and sway her? "Come on, really?" Scootaloo harrumphed. "When has playing it safe ever been any fun? How about you, AB, yes or no to the cards?"

Apple Bloom hummed to herself before answering. "I'll admit, this all sounds mighty enticin', but hold on a sec'," Apple Bloom said. Then, she reached a hoof inside the box, pulling out a slip of paper Scootaloo hadn't noticed was wedged in there next to the Deck. Apple Bloom then proceeded to give the paper a once-over. "Never mind. This says we shouldn't." She then held it up to them. It read:

DON'T
- Spoony Bard

However, Scootaloo was unmoved by the warning, shaking her head. Like, no way she wasn't going to try using the Deck at least once, after that first message! It was just too tempting, regardless of any dumb notes or scared friends. Scootaloo would have to convince them! "But, our wildest dreams," she insisted. "You girls can pass if you want; I'm picking a card. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Don't jinx it!" cried Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo merely shrugged. "It can't possibly be worse than all the other stuff we've survived. And there's so much to gain, potentially!"

Sweetie Belle bit her lip. "If you're sure..."

Scootaloo nodded firmly. "I'm sure. As Lofty likes to say: fortune favors the bold!"

Not delaying any longer, Scootaloo quickly swiped the top card off the pile, flipping it around. The card had a picture of a five pointed star on it, and she instantly knew what it did, the meaning magically implanted in her mind. Before she could process the information, the card vanished in a multicolored flash of strange light, causing all three of them to bolt to their hooves again in surprise.

Squeaking frightfully, Sweetie whipped her head back and forth, horn lit, already frantically watching their surroundings for any changes.

"Woah!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, watching Scootaloo intently. "Somethin' sure happened there. You reckon what?"

"Kinda?" went Scootaloo, after a few blinks to let her vision readjust. "It put a message in my head, but it doesn't make any sense." Scootaloo tilted her head a bit. "Apparently one of my 'ability scores' got boosted by two, whatever that means."

"That's, uh... not very clear, yeah," Apple Bloom confirmed.

Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, let out a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. I thought for sure it was going to summon a bunch of aliens to abduct us."

At least that would have made for a cool story later, once somepony came to the rescue. As it was, Scootaloo felt completely gypped. She'd been expecting some sort of phenomenal cosmic power, not a useless mystery. Scootaloo's wings began to buzz with irritation, an outlet she often used to vent her frustrations.

However, Scootaloo did not expect the motion to actually get her airborne, nor keep her ascending as her flapping continued. But that's exactly what happened. This slowly sunk in over the course of a few seconds as Scootaloo looked down at Apple Bloom and Sweetie once she leveled off. Slowly, their jaws widened in wonderment.

"I CAN FLY!" Ecstatic, Scootaloo levelled off and began arcing through the air above the treetops, whooping as she did.

"YOU CAN FLY!" Apple Bloom returned, sharing in her joy. Sweetie Belle just kept staring, completely awestruck.

Scootaloo laughed from the bottom of her heart, what was once out of reach now proving almost effortless. It felt incredible, feeling the air rush by under her own power, the control and freedom of the skies hers at last! This was easily the third best day of her life, after forming the Crusaders and getting her Mark. And she had the Deck of Many Things to thank. "This is amazing!" Looping around to hover in front of them again, Scootaloo grinned impishly. "Still think using the Deck was bad idea, girls?" she posed.

"Uh, no." Apple Bloom declared, her smile so wide with anticipation it was almost creepy. "In fact, I'm taking two cards!"

Without pause, she then eagerly snapped up the next white tile from the box. Scootaloo got a clear view of the picture from overhead: the glaring face of some sort of monster, one with a mane made of snakes. That was... somewhat worrying, and Scootaloo came in for a fumbling landing next to Apple Bloom. The filly's bow seemed to droop as much as her expression.

It was Sweetie who spoke up first, though. "Oh, no. That looked like a bad one; I'm so sorry. What did it do?"

Apple Bloom cringed, gritting her teeth. "Horseapples. It seems I've been cursed with misfortune. For the rest of my life."

Scootaloo gasped. Perhaps she'd spoken too soon about these magic cards. 'Cause that sucked.

Wanting more information, Sweetie asked "Misfortune? H-How much so, exactly? Are you a disaster magnet now?"

"No, it's not like that. Doesn't, er, apply to everything," Apple Bloom managed, her voice low. "Succeeding at what I'm doing will be harder from now on, not impossible. The specifics involve a 'penalty to saving throws'; just more nonsense words."

"That's—" Sweetie bit back the rest of her words with a sigh. "I'm uncertain how to console you. What would even help?"

Scootaloo, though, was less hesitant. Even through her own dream coming true, she still ached for her friend, and she reached over to drape a hoof over Apple Bloom's withers. Sure, it wasn't a total life ruiner - Troubleshoes managed with constant bad luck, too, after all - but she still wished AB had gotten a better deal. "So that card wasn't the best. Maybe your next one will make up for it," said Scootaloo. "And I think you have to take another now anyway."

Apple Bloom stiffened beneath her. "Right. It did say that. Probably best I follow the rules. If this can happen when we do, who knows what'll happen if we don't."

Pushing Scootaloo's hoof away, the pegasus could only watch with bated breath as Apple Bloom carefully knelt down to draw her second card. Thankfully, it looked far less ominous than the last one. In fact, Scootaloo would almost describe it as boring. She caught the image of a set of old-timey scales - the kind they put on the sign for courthouses - before it dissipated in another rush of prismatic light. She then turned to study Apple Bloom.

After shaking her head quickly, Apple Bloom silently looked this way and that, as if deep in thought. Then, she met Sweetie and Scootaloo's eyes in turn. A voice in the back of Scootaloo's mind said there was something different in AB's eyes, but she brushed it aside for more immediate concerns. "Any luck?" Scootaloo asked.

"Nope. It was a dud," Apple Bloom said, returning to their side.

"Wait, it did nothing at all? Weird." Scootaloo scratched her chin.

"Better than another horrible affliction of some sort," Sweetie noted, her posture relaxing a little.

"Are we going to keep this up?" Apple Bloom asked. "Some of the other cards could be just as incredible as the one Scoots got."

Scootaloo smiled at that, flexing her newly functional wings with pride. "Incredible is right. I don't know about you two, but I'm content with just the one. And hey, maybe would could get Twilight to un-curse you, Apple Bloom."

"Hmm, maybe," she acknowledged, facing Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo did so too, and wasn't surprised to see the unicorn's brow scrunched in focus. "Well, we've seen three cards so far. One good, one bad, and one neutral. That's not much information to go on, but if the rest of the deck is like that, then... I think it's worth the risk. What the heck, I'll take one."

Extending her greenish hornglow inside the carved box, Sweetie lifted out the top card. Scootaloo leaned over to spy the image of a pony with half-lidded eyes and a wide stream of drool leaking from their open mouth. Sweetie gasped, and for a fraction of a second, despair marred her face. Then, the card vanished, and it was over. Sweetie stood there, blinking.

"Sweetie? You okay?" Scootaloo asked. That hadn't looked promising.

"So?" prodded Apple Bloom, staring.

Sweetie looked to Scootaloo, then Apple Bloom. Blinked again. "Yes?"

"Your card!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. "What was it?"

She looked down at her hooves, then back up at Apple Bloom. "What card?"

"The card you drew? From the Deck of Many Things?" continued Apple Bloom, annoyed.

"Seriously," said Scootaloo, her eyes roving over Sweetie's body for signs of disturbance. "You seem fine, physically, but... I'm getting worried."

Sweetie didn't seem to have heard her, though, still facing Apple Bloom. She perked up, bonking herself on the head. "Oh! It, uh, it makes dumb. Ponies, they go dumb."

A cold stone dropped into Scootaloo's stomach. Had she really just...?

Apple Bloom sighed. "Well, that's plum unfortunate."

Scootaloo collapsed to her haunches, the crushing reality setting in. Oh no. Celestia, no. This was bad. Very, very bad. An idiotic Sweetie Belle practically wasn't even Sweetie Belle! A lack of common sense, sure, all three of them suffered from a deficiency in that area, but raw intelligence? They weren't foals anymore, Sweetie least of all.

The white filly in question just kept smiling at them as if nothing was wrong.

As Scootaloo's thoughts raced, teetering on the brink of panic, Apple Bloom tsked. "How are we supposed to do our job with only two thirds of the whole?"

Scootaloo's head whipped away from the placid Sweetie Belle. "Our job? Our job? How can you think about special talents in this situation!? The Deck broke Sweetie!" Shuddering, regretting everything, Scootaloo added "This was a terrible mistake; flying isn't worth it anymore. And we need to fix it!"

Recalling the devious creature upon the box, Scootaloo reared up, drew in a deep breath, and shouted at the top of her lungs. "DISCORD!"

An instant later, the sole draconequus with which they were familiar materialized in the air above them with the sound of a deflating whoopie cushion. "Who, what, where?" he uttered, frazzled, the cactus he was using as a backscratcher vanishing into a puff of jiggly as he gathered his wits from the impromptu summoning.

Scootaloo waved. "Down here! We need your help to reverse this!"

Discord contorted in midair to peer at her, but his eyes strayed almost immediately to the Deck. He flinched away so strongly that his skin tore away from his body before zipping back onto it. "Fluttershy's silky mane, you weren't kidding. Where in Equestria did you find one of those? You didn't use it yet, did you? Please tell me you didn't use it yet."

Scootaloo's ears pressed against her skull. "We did. I'm fine, but..."

"I'm cursed and Sweetie's a few apples short of a bushel," Apple Bloom explained, frowning.

"What's a bushel?" Sweetie asked, causing the others to cringe.

Discord hissed through his teeth. "I always liked you girls; to see you exposed to a Deck of Many Things is... rather disheartening." His face fell. Off.

Scootaloo wasn't sure where to look, but spoke her mind tp him anyway, even though she was afraid to hear the answer. "Why are you so sad? You know what the Deck is, can't you fix it? You're on the box, for Rainbow's sake!"

Discord slapped his face back on, squirming under Scootaloo and Apple Bloom's fierce glares. (Sweetie was busy grazing.) "See, here's the thing," he began, "Despite what that carving implies, I didn't create that Deck. I know of its ilk, though, spread throughout the universes. They do indeed contain powerful chaos magic, but it's not my chaos magic, so I can't actually undo its effects. Well, not reliably."

"What do ya mean you can't?" Apple Bloom protested. Then, she pointed at Sweetie. "Aren't you supposed to be the god of chaos? We can't just leave her like that; I've met cows smarter than Sweetie is now!"

"Look, I'm just as upset as you," Discord said, crossing his arms and flicking his tail in agitation. "However, when I say I can't, it means I can't. Remember the Plundervines a while back? I planted the seeds originally, but they grew from soaking up the Everfree's magic, and mixing two types of chaos magic makes the results exponentially more randomized, such that even a savant such as myself can't control the outcome. If I tried to fix Sweetie now, the chance my power works as I intend it is slim to none. She could just as easily turn into a puckwudgie, or explode into cranberries."

Apple Bloom clenched her teeth, eyes distant. Sweetie Belle picked her nose with a hoof. Or tried, to, at least. Fingers were more effective for that. Scootaloo's face fell. If not even Discord had the power to help, their future looked poor indeed. For once, it seemed she couldn't bounce back from her mistake consequence-free. "T-Then what can we do?" Scootaloo tentatively asked.

Discord gulped, not a good sign. "The only hope for fixing things now is the Deck itself. But there's a reason no sane pony tries to use them; the Deck of Many Things is cruel, more so than I was at my worst, and possessing minimal whimsy. Some of the cards will let you girls repair the damage done, sure, but there are more that can ruin you lives. Others just straight-up end you." Here, he shuddered.

Scootaloo's mind raced. Was it worth it to keep going, to try and salvage the situation, in spite of the risks? Or should they play it safe, in case their outlook became even worse?

The strength deep within her racing heart eventually bubbled up, leading her to the answer. When Scootaloo ever played it safe? The odds low, but she had to risk it. Steeling herself, she trotted boldly for the Deck. "That's a bet I'm willing to take. For our friendship. I'll draw two cards, one for each of you."

While Sweetie seemed nonplussed, Apple Bloom held her breath as Scootaloo reached for a card. Discord began eating his own limbs like a nervous pony biting at their mane, unable to look away. Scootaloo peeked at its face with one eye, the card depicting the wreckage of a destroyed house. She groaned as it vanished in a burst of chaos magic.

Apple Bloom's voice was unusually quiet. "More bad news?"

"Bad how? Do that again, I want to see more pretty colors!" Sweetie insisted, clapping her hooves as she sat.

Scootaloo reluctantly ignored poor Sweetie. "It made all my stuff disappear, AB. Everything I owned no longer exists."

"Tough break," she said.

"The Ruin card isn't the worst, for a pony your age. I can make you some replacement collectables, if you want," added an apologetic Discord. It seemed like he was going to stick around and assist however he could.

"Thanks," Scootaloo sighed. At least she would have plenty of room to display new Wonderbolt posters, now. "Maybe later."

Apple Bloom adjusted her bow, stepping closer to Scootaloo. "See, this is a good excuse to start charging ponies out of pocket for our services. We're the only ponies in Equestria that can do what we can, so requiring a much larger sum only makes sense. Supply and demand, Applejack calls it. We could even make kids sign a contract that entitles us to a portion of any future earnings they make from their special talent if'n they can't afford it."

Okay, now Scootaloo was just confused. "Having bits would be nice, at this point, but I don't wanna put anypony in debt, Apple Bloom. What brought all that on? Wasn't the point of the Crusaders is to help out, not to get rich?"

"Right, right. Sure, of course. It was just a thought," Apple Bloom deflected. "I'm tryin' to help ya out, here."

Discord had watched the exchange curiously, but now cleared his throat (an extra lion paw from earlier had been stuck in there) and pointed to the Deck. "You have to draw again, Scootaloo. If you wait too long, the Deck will give you every card at once. And it reshuffles."

Letting out a little meep of fright, which she would omit from any personal retellings of this story, Scootaloo grabbed another card. This one had the picture of a simple door key on it. An object appeared right in front of her, replacing the card. Or, rather, a pair of objects: silver-green hoof boots ringed with magical symbols. "Oh. Well, that's kinda cool, but it doesn't really help us much."

"How would fancy shoes help at all?" Apple Bloom asked. "Unless they're lucky, and could counteract my curse?"

Discord pulled out a magnifying glass, one that itself was also holding a magnifying glass. "Those aren't shoes, and they're not especially lucky. Scootaloo now has her very own set of enchanted mithril combat gauntlets. Which would be great if we were playing O&O, but I'm fairly sure she doesn't want to follow her parents on dangerous adventures out into the untamed wilderness on the other side of the planet."

"Yeah, that's about the last thing on my mind right now," Scootaloo confirmed. "Unless magic weapons can destroy the Deck, and that reverses everything?"

"I'm afraid not," Discord said, apologetic.

"On the bright side, you're not dead, at least," went Apple Bloom. "As long as one of us is still here, we can keep drawing cards to try and fix this mess."

"I guess so," said Scootaloo. Better to be disappointed than deceased. Still, the 'good' cards didn't honestly seem to make up for the terrible ones. So far, at least. She almost wanted to ask Discord how many different effects there were, exactly, but didn't want a laundry list of torments giving her second thoughts. Instead, she fell upon the old standby: taking turns. "You gonna go next, Apple Bloom?"

Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle had been busy amusing herself by spinning one of the gauntlets around her horn, giggling. But now, before Apple Bloom could reply, she hopped over to Scootaloo, who was still by the Deck. "This is fun! I wanna play cards! Gimmie two!"

"Oh no," went Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo, eyes wide, half lunged for Sweetie protectively, before realizing it was already too late: she'd declared her draws. She could only watch, lying on her belly as Sweetie plucked a card with all the nonchalance of the totally ignorant.

Discord paled so deeply he went translucent. "Nuts. Dumb Belle here could blow it; some of the cards require actual thought to use!"

The first one she ended up with, however, didn't seem to be of that sort, as it came into effect instantly like the others. Scootaloo had no clue what fresh torture a wickedly sharp dagger meant, but Sweetie was too busy marveling at the magic to care. When her friend wasn't immediately impaled, Scootaloo exhaled in relief, rising to her hooves.

Apple Bloom visibly struggled to find words, but Sweetie did not have that problem. "Huh. Neat. I have a neh— a nema—"

"A nemesis," Discord finished, burying his face in a claw, which was now made of dirt into which one could bury things. "That was the Rogue. Somecreature, somewhere, now loathes Sweetie completely. But we won't know who until they show up to try and destroy her in one way or another."

"Awesome," uttered Scootaloo, sarcastically. "This Deck really is out to get us, isn't it?"

Discord silently pinned an 'A+' to Scootaloo's chest.

"Well, Sweetie's doomed. No way she'd be able to defend herself in the state she's in, just look at her!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, gesturing.

Sweetie Belle, smiling, stared obliviously into the distance, towards town, as if watching for the arrival of a new companion. Again, it really hurt Scootaloo seeing her like this. It was crazy that the only way to mend her heartache was the same thing that caused it. Really though, this whole series of events was crazy. One minute she was flying, and the next...

After a long moment, Apple Bloom gave Sweetie a soft nudge, pulling Scootaloo out of her reverie. "Weren't ya takin' a second shiny new card?" Apple Bloom asked gently, almost condescendingly.

"Oh, right!" went Sweetie, casually drawing again. Her card bore the picture of an ominous black vortex.

Immediately, Sweetie's body seized up, her head tilting backwards. She began to twitch and spasm madly, like a mare possessed, as something light green and wispy was drawn out of her open mouth and into the card, the uncharacteristic howling of winds at midnight echoing through the Sweet Apple Acres air. When it was all over, and the card poofed away, Sweetie Belle's body toppled over, unmoving.

A beat. Not even the insects made a sound.

"SWEETIE BELLE!" Scootaloo wailed. Already at her side before she was even aware of moving, Scootaloo tried desperately to shake her best friend awake. But nothing worked; Sweetie would not stir. Hot tears escaped unbidden, falling rapidly from her face to mar the white coat of Sweetie's prone form, Scootaloo herself wracked with sudden grief. She was so young! So cute and innocent! Nopony deserved this, Sweetie Belle least of all!

Scootaloo couldn't stop sobbing, her peripheral vision unconsciously registering Apple Bloom, who stood completely frozen behind her, probably from shock. Over and over in her head, the same, sole thought: Sweetie was gone.

Discord sunk to the grass, and then to his mismatched knees. He sprouted some extra heads, each of them mumbling a different disbelieving sentence. "Ponies are too, t-too fragile." "I have to stop Starlight from trying necromancy when she finds out about this." "I'll miss her high-pitched little laugh terribly." "Rarity is going to kill me." "Why couldn't she have gotten the Jester? She would have *sniffle* liked that."

A small part of Scootaloo still held out some desperate hope, denying that this could happen at all. She turned to Discord, gaze wild, pleading, that this wasn't what it looked like. That Sweetie was fine, and would stir any second now. She had to be fine. They belonged together, with destiny's backing, and had the rest of their lives ahead of them!

But Discord remained solemn, returning to his typical self to shake his head mutely. "There's n-no coming back from having your soul ripped out, Scootaloo," he stuttered.

Upon hearing this, Scootaloo's tears redoubled, marring Sweetie's coat as she wailed over her friend. An eternity passed in front of the clubhouse.

Apple Bloom, however, was not overwhelmed with grief, at least not visibly so. She took a deep breath and stepped forward. "If you two aren't in the shape to continue with the Deck, then I guess it's up to me," she declared.

Scootaloo looked up at her, snot running down her muzzle. How could Apple Bloom be so... so strong at a time like this? Did she somehow not realize that Sweetie was dead?

Without waiting for either her or Discord to respond, Apple Bloom said "Two more," and reached for a card tile. Scootaloo dimly registered that it had a full moon on it, and didn't disappear immediately, still coming to terms with Sweetie.

Discord, however, perked up at the sight. "Can it be? Oh, thank goodness, this changes everything!"

Scootaloo blinked back her latest round of tears, facing Discord. "W-What?"

Apple Bloom held her card almost reverently, a series of inscrutable expressions playing out on her muzzle rapidly. "I get to make two wishes," she uttered.

"Wishes?" Scootaloo repeated, automatically. Moments later, the full weight of her statement sunk in, and she sprung into the air. Though the thrill of flight was nothing compared to the thrill of such great news! "You get two wishes! Apple Bloom, that's perfect! You can bring Sweetie back, undo all the bad stuff the Deck did to us!"

"Indeed! What a splendid turn of events!" Discord confirmed, already channeling Pinkie Pie by spraying confetti everywhere, triumphant yovidaphone music playing in the background as he danced. "Now we can put this whole incident to bed."

Apple Bloom glanced at him, then at Sweetie's body, and finally up at Scootaloo. She adjusted her posture, processing.

"What are you waiting for?" Scootaloo asked. There was nothing to think about; the course of action she should take was so obvious! "Fix this!"

However, Apple Bloom did not wish for Sweetie's resurrection. Or for anything else Scootaloo would have expected her to wish for. Instead, turning her head to face distant Canterlot, Apple Bloom smiled. An unnerving, toothy, almost cruel smile.

Scootaloo blinked at her, almost failing to hold her hover from sheer confusion. "A-Apple Bloom?"

"I wish to become an alicorn, more powerful than anything on the face of Equus!" she exclaimed.

Forced to shield her eyes from a blinding flash of light, dread filled Scootaloo's chest as Apple Bloom's words sunk in. Stunned and aghast, she fell to the earth, jaw hanging open as she beheld Apple Bloom's new body, which now bore a long, sharp horn and wide wings. Her mane and tail billowed dramatically with all the colors of the autumn harvest. Discord, too stared in total disbelief.

Then, after a round of cackling, she made her second wish. "And I wish to replace Twilight Sparkle as the sole, absolute ruler of Equestria!" At this, her bow abruptly disappeared, replaced by a golden crown and matching set of regalia. Apple Bloom smirked at the two of them, flexing her new wings.

Scootaloo shook with outrage as the Moon card poofed away, used up. What in Tartarus had gotten into her!? Why would she just... grab for power like that, at the expense of Sweetie's life!? It made zero sense!

Before she could act rashly, though, something poked her shoulder. It was Discord, shrunken down to Scootaloo's size. His voice was quiet but hard as he asked "You wouldn't happen to know if she drew the Balance card earlier, do you?"

As Apple Bloom admired herself, holding herself with the maliciously gleeful posture of a villain, Scootaloo managed to put a lid on her boiling emotions. At least for the moment. Barely. "Which card?"

"Balance. You know, the kind used to compare weights."

"Uh, yeah, she did," Scootaloo confirmed, a chill running down her spine. "But AB said it didn't do anything. Why do you ask?" she questioned, tentatively.

Here, Discord uttered a word Scootaloo had been told never to repeat in polite company. "Because that card flips a creature's morality on its head. Evil becomes good, and good becomes..." he trailed off, pointing at the now almighty form of Apple Bloom, who was still reveling in her newfound status.

Oh. Oh. Well, that certainly explained a few things about her recent behavior, Scootaloo realized. If only she'd noticed sooner; she'd been too preoccupied with the Deck! "Now what do we do?" Scootaloo asked, torn between beating some sense into her former best friend (even if she ended up in Elysium with Sweetie for the attempt) or curling up into the fetal position and staying there in her shame and sorrow.

Apple Bloom interjected before Discord could get a word in, snorting in amusement and looking more smug than Diamond Tiara at her worst. "You can't do anything. I'm unstoppable now! Don't worry though; I'll be sure not to make life too hard for the common pony under my everlasting rule. Ooo, I always did want to see gladiators fight to the death, though. Maybe as an annual tournament, with one randomly selected colt and filly from each city. And with different hazards in the arena each time!"

Discord, meanwhile, was waffling about anxiously, his body replaced with an actual waffle. "I have no idea, tyke," he said to Scootaloo. "This situation is quite bad. Like that whole debacle with the 'Terrible Trio', except it's your stupid fault instead of my stupid fault. With the way Apple Doom here worded her wishes, I'm not sure even the magic of friendship will work this time."

"Well..." Scootaloo began, heart pounding. There had to be some way to fix this, there just had to. "Wait a second." It was a long shot but... Pausing, she looked back at Apple Bloom, who was busy practicing her new magic by lighting and un-lighting her horn. Raising her voice, Scootaloo added "Don't you still have another card left to take?"

Ears swiveling to catch her words, Apple Bloom faced Scootaloo once more. "Hmm? Ah, of course. Though I doubt it'll matter." With the barest effort, she then levitated the whole deck box over to her, surrounded in an amber aura. She smirked again. "After this, I'll hide the Deck, so nopony else can get this kind of power! Can't have any old pals challenging my super-ee-or-ity, right?"

With the utmost confidence, Apple Bloom flipped over her final card. It featured the sinister image of a pony's skull. All three of them stared in fearful silence, until Apple Bloom broke it with a muttered "Buck."

The card launched into the air, bursting into black smoke. The ominous cloud then coalesced into a terrible specter. Wreathed in a grey hooded cloak that dissipated into fog at the edges, a bleached white skeleton pony floated before Apple Bloom, a spiky scythe wrought from violet metal clutched in its fell hooves and matching flames danced in vacant eye sockets. The reaper's gaze instantly zeroed in on Apple Bloom, and it soundlessly rushed towards the newly minted alicorn.

"No. No no no no no! This can't be happening!" Now panicking, Apple Bloom fired a beam of raw magic wider than her own body at the monstrosity, but it nimbly dodged out of the way, relentless in its pursuit.

Scootaloo could form no coherent thoughts, able only to watch as Apple Bloom spun to flee from the avatar of death at a full gallop, evidently not trusting herself to fly yet. While evasive, the specter wasn't terribly quick, and it seemed like Apple Bloom might actually have the stamina to outrun the thing, at least for a while, as the they both rushed away from the clubhouse.

Then Apple Bloom's hoof caught on a small rock, almost a pebble, really. A normal pony, especially on familiar terrain, would not be impeded by such a small obstacle. It was due to exceptionally - perhaps magically - poor luck, then, that Apple Bloom stumbled. Her gait lost, she fell, skidding into the dirt and rolling onto her back, dropping the Deck in the process.

The reaper was on her before she could right herself. Apple Bloom's eyes widened in terror as it raised its scythe high. With an inequine burst of motion, it slashed the weapon through her body lengthwise. She didn't even have time to scream.

Scootaloo sure did, though. This close third narrator will spare the reader the grisly details of Apple Bloom's bisected corpse, but needless to say, Scootaloo saw everything, and was thoroughly traumatized. Discord took it a bit better, but even after his many years, he still found such things off-putting, and his whole body turned a sickly shade of green.

Its job done, the summoned avatar vanished the same way it had arrived, in a cloud of smoke, leaving Scootaloo and Discord alone in the outskirts of the orchard. The former couldn't stop screaming for nearly a full minute, her increased pegasus lung capacity working wonders as she broke out into a cold sweat, shaking. By the time Scootaloo's wailing had petered out, replaced by ragged breaths, Discord had returned to normal, and had wrapped her up in as comforting an embrace he could muster, rubbing her quaking back gently.

She had nothing now. The two most important ponies in Scootaloo's life had been taken from her, on the same day. And it was all her fault. She hadn't listened, instead charging in half-blind, like she always did. And this time, she paid the price. Now she'd never get to see Sweetie's adorable determination or Apple Bloom's earnest passion ever again. Scootaloo had no clue how much time passed after that, Discord's touch fading into the background as every drop of sorrow escaped her, leaving only a numb void. (It was honestly a little weird Applejack or Big Mac hadn't shown up, what with all the screaming.)

Eventually, Scootaloo rose. Discord stared down at her with rare sympathy. "I'm not even going to ask if you're okay," he stated. "But are you holding yourself together? I have trouble with that myself, sometimes." Discord then proceeded to literally fall apart into hundreds of tiny pieces, forming a pile on the grass.

Scootaloo forced herself to smile at his antics, barking out a single, sharp laugh. "T-Thanks, I guess. For trying." Biting back sudden anger, she asked "You can't bring them back, can you?"

Re-forming, Discord looked away, shamefully. "Some things are beyond even my power. The best I could do would be to steal the Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle from an alternate reality. And even if that wasn't cruel, those older realms can be rather off-putting, and this is me saying that."

"Then there's only one course of action I can take," Scootaloo uttered, with resolve. Taking a deep breath, she purposefully walked straight towards her goal, which she scooped up in a hoof. "I use the Deck to fix this, or die trying."

Discord reached a paw pleadingly outwards, before retracting it. "While altruistic, it would be irresponsible of me to try and take your place. If you do end up as a noble sacrifice... I'll destroy the Deck and tell everypony what happened here."

Scootaloo nodded. That was all she could hope for.

It was time to end this. "One," Scootaloo voiced. Then, eyes shut, she whipped the top card from the box with a flourish befitting a duelist. Once she mustered the nerve, she peeked out at the instrument of chaos in her hoof.

Contained within the white frame was a set of sharp scissors, cutting a long, thin string. The Fates. With this, Scootaloo immediately knew, she could undo any one choice she'd made, as if she hadn't done so at all.

Immense relief flooded her being. Scootaloo didn't even need to think. Raising the card to the sky triumphantly, she exclaimed "Make it so I never suggested using the Deck of Many Things in the first place!"

There was a tremendous, disorienting flash.

Scootaloo abruptly found herself standing in the middle of Ponyville. Outside Gold Standard's place, to be specific, just like before. All around her, ponies peacefully went about their day under the sun. And, right in front of her, stood her two best friends in the world, alive and whole.

Sweetie Belle spoke up. "Well, now what? Are we still going over to Sugarcube Corner for milkshakes, or should we go take that box over to the post office?"

Still remembering everything, Scootaloo snatched the box with the Deck out of Apple Bloom's grip so quickly she nearly performed a ground-level Sonic Rainboom. "YES WE SHOULD ABSOLUTELY SEND THIS TO THE PRINCESS IMMEDIATELY."

"Well, um, yes. I guess we're on the same page, for once," Sweetie said, clearly confused by her sudden outburst.

Reeling, Apple Bloom's eyebrow rose, coming close to the level of skepticism her sister could display. "What was that all about, Scoots?"

Giggling like a madmare, Scootaloo jumped at the two of them, pulling the stunned pair into a fiercely joyful hug. Nothing was worth more to her than the bond they shared. She looked from Apple Bloom on her left to Sweetie on her right and beamed. "Girls, you have no idea how happy I am to see you. And have I got a story for you..."

~ The End ~

Author's Note

Part of me wants to be ashamed this wasn't a chapter of my novel. The rest was shouting at me how perfect this idea was the second I had it. I know I took some liberties with how the Deck works here and there, but I think the spirit carried over nicely. And see if you can spy the references!