A Tale to Tell

by Kotushk Fier

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Sad
Length: 3921

A story implementing my own OC. Yes, a self insert.

Note: To those who read my Abandoned Hopes story, this is not the same character.

Meet Kotushk. A human who can keep a facade of normalcy, even when his emotions are trying to rip him apart. But his acts, his ploys, they all eat away at him, and he has had to develop coping mechanisms. His most used one? Mind splitting. He has, over the years, broken his own mind and partitioned it, to avoid pain and… anger. A life most unjust, he only wishes to be loved. His only pride is his intelligence, which he uses to create a machine. A desperate move, as this machine's first and only test is himself. One try, and the machine is destroyed. The machine's purpose? To relocate him from his own world, and place him somewhere he can find peace at last.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-07 05:28:43 UTC

Life is Hard...

My name is Kotushk. And this is my story. It won't be incredible. I'm not a savior. I am more of a failure really. Life is hard...

I woke up on my final day as a human in a rare mood. I was happy. This was rather alarming, as I very rarely felt this way. I tried to think back on what I may have been dreaming about, but as usual I could not remember the dream. A shame really. The few moments in my life when I'm actually happy, and I can never remember them.

I rolled out of bed and looked around my room. Last night's jeans were on the floor, so I put them back on. After all, I wasn't out to impress anyone, and they had only been worn a little while yesterday. Looking around, I located my Fluttershy shirt, which I had thrown over the chair in my room. Giving it a cursory sniff, I placed it over my body. Today would require some deo though. I scrounged underneath my bed for a few seconds, pushing old potato chip bags out of the way until I located my body spray.

After "freshening up" I sat down on my computer to check my daily online routine. Facebook, no new friend requests, and no new notifications. Youtube, some funny videos in my feed, helped kill some time. FIMfiction, reading some stories and browsing for new ones. Dull and pointless drivel, as usual. Who cared what I did online, except my ex. She left me because I liked My Little Pony. I spent too much time online instead of listening to her bitching about how bad her life sucked. I'd be more considerate if she had actually tried to do something to change, like accept my help. But no, she just wanted to complain about the hell she lived in, and tried to take anything fun away from me. Letting out a soft sigh, I turned off the computer and went back into my room.

Here I sat down on my bed, looking at the empty screen of my TV. Yet another thing my ex tried to take away. She called me childish because I enjoyed some gaming, and anime. Like the things I watched and played were really appropriate for children, except MLP. I mean, seriously, I played games like Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row, and Resident Evil. The anime I watched was no better. Things like Elfen Lied, Rosario+Vampire, Hellsing, the list goes on and on.

I turned my ancient PS2 on and sat down to play some Samurai Warriors 2, having finally gotten around to unlocking Nagamasa Azai's story mode the night before. Too bad his love life was hardly any better than mine. Kinda sucks to be killed by your own loving wife though. Ahh, who am I kidding, at least this bastard was able to get someone to love him for who he was.

I turned the PS2 off and sat in my room for awhile, thinking about my loneliness, and the lack of true friends I actually had. Of the ones I did have, none lived remotely near me, and sometimes had far too much in their own life to really talk to me anyway. At least I had time on my hands, having no life helps with that. I turned to the closet situated in my room, contemplating my work I had recently begun.

You see, I'm one thing, if anything. I'm smart. No, not street smart. And not average smart either. I was usually a teacher's aide in school, even teaching the class when the teacher was sick. For me, the work was boring, mindless, and dull. It was only a tiered repeat of the same stuff we learned before. Eventually I dropped out of school to get my GED, which was a quicker method for me. Enough pointless muck. The point is that I am intelligent. I began working with a contraption in my free time, just a simple thing to help me record TV shows offline to play on my TV. Unintentionally, the machine worked differently, and transported my socks somewhere I couldn't retrieve them from. I theorized that my contraption had perhaps misplaced them into another dimension, and with this small hope in my heart I had been working on it for weeks.

Using my notes, I began to recreate the small remote sized invention into a large human sized capsule. I'm tired of this life. I want out. Even if death is my way out, in a misguided trial, I don't care. Even if I'm put into some dimension I can't survive in. I don't care.

The machine was almost ready. Today was the day I planned on finishing the dimension transporter, or the day I died. Good day to die I suppose; rainy, overcast, and thundering. Every insane nutty scientist's "good" day in those cheesy horror flicks. I worked on the machine for about three hours before I realized I was actually doing nothing productive. It was finished. I checked over everything once more, referring to my notes often, before I was satisfied. Time to get going.

Looking around my room one last time, I noticed a queasy feeling in my stomach. A pre-death reflex. I knew I could die. Part of me, most of me really, wanted to die. But like any sentient being, part of me was telling me to go fuck myself. I ignored this minor voice. I knew what it was anyways. The innocent side that lives within all of us. Well, for me, more accurately it's the innocence I locked away as a child.

My life hasn't been easy. But no one knows that. Not unless I want them to. I hide behind a gentle and agreeable face, always smiling and cheerful. But when I'm alone, I lock that person away. I become who I really am, what my hardships have reduced me to. And then I lock him away, and become this. The last vestiges of sanity left to me, clinging together hopelessly adrift in the darkness of my mind. Perhaps I could cope with life better, if I knew how. But this is all I know. I take each chapter of my life, and seal it away. I give it a name, the name that I assumed to my friends at that time. The only friends I consider true friends are those who have stood by my side even when they see the ugliness of my mental state. They are the ones who know multiple names of mine.

I quelled my youngling self and stepped into my machine. The time to leave this Earth one way or another had come. I closed the door, and took a deep breath. If I wasn't able to breath in another dimension, I at least wanted to see what it looked like before I suffocated. Placing my finger over the activation switch, I took a moment to gather myself, and pressed the button down.

At first I thought it had failed. None of the bright lights I was expecting from the sci-fi films I watched occurred. I didn't feel as if I fell into an abyss. The only thing I felt was hot, as if I was wearing a fur coat. I also noticed that my hair, usually unkempt and short, was now unkempt and in my face. I reached up to brush it out of my eyes, and clobbered myself with something in my hand. Dizzily I pushed the door open to see what I held. A bright landscape greeted my eyes, nearly blinding me. Lush green fields rose before me, ending in a small forest about a hundred meters away. Blinking my eyes at the new sight, I looked down to see what I held.

I almost fainted when I saw that my hands were gone. They were replaced with hooves! I also seemed to be wearing large golden rings on my legs. Looking over my shoulder I noticed that I was now a pitch black pony, with a black mane and tail. These were streaked with royal purple, making me instantly think of gothic looks back home. A deep purple cape rested over my back, hiding part of my tail underneath.

Here I was in a new world, and I was a pony. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that somehow I had managed to make my machine receptive to thought processes. I wanted a world I could live and die in peace on. A world with less stress on my soul and mind. Of all the things I had an interest in, I would suppose my subconscious would think of Equestria.

Perfect.

Unless this world was nothing like the show, or I happened to be anywhere near Pinkie Pie, should she actually exist here. She'd be stressful for me, at least until I could handle society.

But it could be Worse...

My name is Kotushk. And this is my story. It won't be incredible. I'm not a savior. I am more of a failure really. Life is hard... But it could be worse...

After taking stock of my surroundings, I began to do the only sensible thing. I began to head towards the forest. I was hoping there would be a road within it, a road leading to a town, a town giving me a sense of where I was.

I arrived in the forest about a half an hour later. The terrain had been partially hidden behind a hill, where it dropped off into a rocky wasteland before the forest began. My hooves collected rocks in the cracks, causing me to stop occasionally and fight with them to remove them. Not an easy task when you don't have fingers, I might add.

After making my way into the forest, I immediately began to regret the decision. There were two reasons I stayed home so often. One was my disdain for my own species, and the other was my complete and utter lack of direction. I was lost. Completely, and utterly, lost. I wasn't too bothered, however. All around me were creatures and sounds that kept me occupied. Songbirds flitted overhead, stopping occasionally to regale me with their tunes, while the trees blocked out a majority of sunlight. Did I ever mention that I wasn't a big fan of sunlight? Don't get me wrong, I understand the impact on my life it held, but that didn't make me like it.

After about an hour of mindless strolling, I began to attempt using some of the basic geography skills I had learned to try to leave the forest. I met limited success, until I decided to try something different. Looking up into the canopy, I asked the birds to lead me out. Imagine my surprise when a large blue jay landed on my shoulder. He chirped when I was going the right way, and nipped my ear when I wasn't. Needless to say, by the time I left the forest, my ear was numb.

The wildlife was definitely more intelligent here. I had only asked to be shown out, but they had done more than that. That blue jay had led me to a road, and I could even see a small town in the distance. Even at this distance, I could tell it wasn't Ponyville, as there was no giant tree in town. Also, by scanning the horizon, I ascertained that the mountain housing Canterlot wasn't nearby.

I began my trek along the road towards the town. The trip was arduous, and I soon felt the effects of dehydration. With no visible source of water nearby, I pushed my body to its limits, attempting in vain to hold out until I reached town. It was all for naught. Soon, dizziness overtook my senses, and my vision wavered and eventually narrowed to a small tunnel. I gasped for air, feeling as if I was in a burning building, with smoke and smog infiltrating my lungs. Giving one last pained groan, I collapsed in the middle of the road, unable to continue any farther. I could feel peace stealing into my mind. My breathing slowed, and I felt my body relaxing. My vision dimmed, flickered, and finally died.

****************************************************************************************************

I awoke to the sound of simmering liquid, and gentle humming. I took a few moments to gather my wits before attempting to open my eyes. The room I woke up in was dimmed, with a small fireplace in the corner, which had a pot. The source of the simmering noise came from within it. Looking around carefully to avoid any negative feedback from my body, I soon located the source of the humming. A light green mare with a soft yellow mane was sitting on a futon, knitting something with magic. She was focused on her work, but not enough to ignore my alert state.

"Oh dear, you're finally awake, are you? You gave my husband quite a fright when he returned from chopping wood. Do you remember your name?"

Her cyan eyes were filled with kindness as she smiled at me. I shook my head at her, wincing as the motion brought a small headache to bear. I figured my human name would be quite strange here in Equestria, and decided to take an amnesiac approach to my new life. This way I could glean information of my new home without seeming too suspicious.

"That's too bad dear. Do you remember your life, or where you live?"

Once more I shook my head. I could feel my conscious gliding to the surface, and quickly squashed it back into submission.  I didn't want to lie, truly, but I also didn't want to become an instant outcast. I tried to look as dejected as possible, to allow my act to succeed. It had an instant effect, causing the mare to rise up and try to comfort me. She patted my head and crooned to me, lulling me into semi sleep.

A few minutes passed this way, and soon the pot in the fireplace began to whistle, signalling that whatever was inside was ready. She levitated it out of the hearth, and poured some of it into a bowl. The fragrance wafting into my nostrils from the bowl set my stomach growling, and I blushed slightly. Laughing slightly, she helped me upright and fed me the contents slowly. It was just a simple broth, but it was richly flavored and smooth, and despite my sore and parched throat, it caused me no discomfort.

After finishing a couple bowls of the soup, she set me back down to rest while she fetched her husband. Lying there, I realized that I had just received more mothering from a stranger in another world than I ever received from my own birth mother. My mother's main vice was smoking, and she devoted much of her money to keeping cigarettes supplied. This often came at the expense of food, and all too often I went hungry for two out of three daily meals. This was yet another reason I spent most of my time in school, to get food during breakfast and lunch.

Soon the kindly mare returned with her husband, a light brown stallion with a shock of snow white mane. His mane reminded me of Albert Einstein, and I suppressed a giggle, masking it with a cough. His voice was mellifluous, calming, and soothing. He asked me if I was in pain anywhere, to which I replied that aside from dehydration, I seemed fine. His profession was being the town doctor, and he gave me a cursory physical, declaring me fit for normal life in about three days. Both of them assured me that I was welcome to stay with them until I was ready to leave, touching my hardened heart with their kindness.

This world was truly magnificent. If I died here, I would likely do so happy.

I was drifting to sleep when a thought drifted into my mind. I had to return to my machine, and erase its existence. I couldn't chance its discovery.

All you Need...

My name is Kotushk. And this is my story. It won't be incredible. I'm not a savior. I am more of a failure really. Life is hard... But it could be worse... All you need...

I awoke the next day to a rambunctious amount of noise. It almost seemed like I was back in the human world. After attempting vainly to sleep for a few moments, I rose from my soft bedding and walked over to the window.

The outside of the small home I was residing in was teeming with ponies of all sorts of colors and types. The riot of bright colors hurt my eyes, causing me to shy away from the window. I could hear voices rising outside, including the voices of my caregivers.

"Who did you find this time?"

"Why won't you tell us his name or his home?"

"What does he want from us?"

"When is he leaving?!"

I winced slightly at the questions, waiting for the storm to pass.

"We found him outside of the forest, severely dehydrated and unconscious. Would you have us leave him there?"

The doctor who found me had a voice that commanded instant silence with the crowd. I chanced another look outside, and saw the crowd had settled down and were staring at him silently. Clearing his throat slightly, the brown stallion continued.

"We live in Equestria. A land of friendship, and kindness. And yes, our village has suffered from outsiders. But none of them were ponyfolk. His mind is in turmoil, likely due to amnesia, but he is not dangerous. I could tell as much from my scan while he was unconscious. If none of you can trust my judgement, then speak now."

There was some whispering, but none spoke up, so I guess they were fine with me being here. The next voice I heard was from the motherly mare, whose soft voice cut through the whispering instantly.

"I had the pleasure of speaking with him last night, when he woke up. He exhibited signs of shyness, and kindness, along with having a very polite attitude. I am unsure how much the amnesia is affecting him, as I know he is hiding something. However, as my husband said, his mind is in turmoil. But I trust he isn't bad, but he more than likely is misunderstood."

Oh, so I was currently in the home of a doctor, AND a therapist... Perfect... My least favorite kinds of people on Earth, are the ones I meet first in Equestria...

The whispering heated up again, and a couple questions rang out from the crowd.

"If his mind is not right, how can you trust him?"

"What if he is insane, out to hurt us?"

"As I stated before, he is kind, and gentle. His mind may not be completely healed, but I know how his personality is already. He is not dangerous. He is extreme however. His emotions are in ranges I have not seen often, and usually those ranges are limited to that emotion in that pony. His mind is shattered, with parts of his past sealed tightly, even to himself. He has had a hard life. But he hasn't yet given in to despair."

Well, she was wrong on the last one... I did make a machine that had a good probability of killing me...

"He did recently try a suicidal experiment, so I'm guessing he has a penchant for science."

OK, now she's scaring me. GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!

The crowd resumed murmuring for awhile before dispersing. Almost immediately after, the door opened and my hosts walked in. They seemed surprised to see me awake, but concern was also present.

"So, how much did you hear," the doctor asked.

"Enough to gather that this town is either on rough times, or has been recently, and that I have been evaluated more than physically since I arrived. By the way, I've been meaning to ask your names."

"Excuse our poor manners, both for intruding without permission, and for not introducing ourselves properly. My name is Soothe Belle, and my husband is Solar Splint. I do apologize for intruding on your mind, but as you gathered, our town has had some rough times recently."

"No, I understand. You are right about my emotions however. But I must confess, I did lie to you both. I've been hiding one very large piece of information, mostly out of fear."

As they raised their eyebrows in confusion, I began to relate my story to them, starting with my small invention. At first they seemed to be merely listening out of politeness, but soon they wore looks of sheer disbelief. When I was finished, they both looked at each other meaningfully before speaking.

"So, you say your name is Kotushk, and that you were born a... uh... human?"

"Yes, Mr. Splint."

"Do you remember where your machine is?"

"Offhand, not exactly. But if I could perhaps find the bluejay that led me out of that forest, he could lead me back."

"Very well, I shall lead you to the forest."

Rising from his sitting position, Solar Splint headed out of the door after giving his wife a kiss, also whispering in her ear. She nodded, and stepped back as I followed him outside. The village they lived in was smaller than Ponyville, with only a few small houses surrounding a fountain in the center. Leading me through the crowds, I noticed that Splint kept his eyes resolutely forward, barely speaking to me. I felt shame creeping into my mood, and noticed that other ponies were giving me a wide berth and mistrustful looks. Great. An outcast already.

After a couple hours of silent walking, we finally arrived at the forest I had stumbled out of. Looking around, I couldn't find the bluejay, so I called out to it, feeling slightly foolish. My foolishness faded as the exact bird flitted from a tree, landing on my shoulders again. Solar Splint reacted with mild surprise, seeming to be skeptical about my claims. I asked the bird if it could show me back to where I first entered the forest, and it began to direct me once more.

After stumbling through the underbrush for about an hour, I finally reached my destination with a sore ear. Looking out of the forest and over the clear field, I could see my machine in the distance, glimmering slightly in the afternoon sun. Looking back to Solar, I noticed his face was registering shock. I suppose disbelief was easy to bear for me, I wasn't trusted in the human world too often either.

Leading the way over to my invention, I began to explain it as well as I could. His attention was divided between listening to me, and studying the machine itself.

As I was explaining the machine to him, I walked inside of it to show the interior. While inside, I was about to push the button that would erase the coding, and initiate the self destruct countdown. Before my hoof even connected with the button, the machine started up by itself, and the door sealed shut. Shortly after, the voice I installed announced that the emergency procedure to return home was in progress...

I don't even remember putting that feature in. Oh crap...