“Are you freaking crazy?” Barb said in annoyance looking at Sam. “You just think you can walk right up to Queen Celestia, Queen Celestia herself, and just talk to her like some common pony!?”

“... I want to say yes, but I feel like that’s not the answer you want to hear,” Sam said.

Ashe stepped between the two, putting a hand on Barb’s shoulder.

“Barb, calm down, I’m sure that he didn’t mean to disrespect her. He’s just…” she trailed off, motioning with her hand.

“Stupid?” Zander offered.

“Well, that’s not-”

“Yeah, that’s a perfect descriptor for what happened back there!” Barb said, stomping. “And you!” she said, pointing at Mike.

“What!? The heck did I do!?” he shouted, glaring back at the dragoness.

“He’s your friend, you should have reeled him in! Of course it has to be with you freaks!”

“Barb!” Twilight shouted, snapping her fingers.

A purple chain wrapped around Barb, pinning her ankles together and squeezing her arms to her sides. The dragoness yelped as she was tied up, Twilight walking up to her.

“I understand that you’d be upset with how they behaved,” she said, looking at the guys. “Trust me, we’ll discuss this later. But your shouting isn’t necessary, especially since it’s evident that there’s more going on here than we can clearly tell.”

“Twilight’s right,” Sunset said. “There’s something that Queen Celestia wanted to tell us but couldn’t. If we go to our hall, we can talk about it some more, but for now, we have an assignment to protect them.”

Sunset turned to the guys as Twilight released Barb, keeping a hand on her while she fumed at the group.

“I’m sure you’re all quite confused, but maybe we can discuss this somewhere safer in private. We’re going to retire to our Clan Hall, if you’d care to join us. If not, we can take turns watching you all.”

The guys turned back and huddled up.

“I think we should go with them,” Matthias said.

“I’m sorry, did you miss the part where these crazy bitches glared death at us for talking to their queen?” Zander whispered. “No way I’m getting locked in a room with them.”

“But the Queen lady said we can visit and ask about why we’re here if we stay with them,” Sam said. “Plus, they’re not that bad.”

“Dude, she insulted you in a screaming fit.”

“So do you.”

“Point taken, but-”

“Like, every day.”

“Okay, I-”

“Almost like clockwork, actually.”

“Guys!” Mike hissed. “Look, we put it to a vote, alright? I’m saying we go with them. Worst case scenario, we get yelled at by annoying dragons before we actually learn more about why we’re here.”

“As much as it worries me about what they’ll do if we mess up, I’m in too.”

“My vote was yes from the beginning. I wanna see what a Clan Hall looks like in real life.”

They all looked at Zander, who glared back and sighed.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to let my guard down.”

“So you guys are in?” Pinkie whispered from her position in their huddle.

“GAH!”
“FUCK!”
“OH-JEEZ!”

Matthias, Zander and Mike jumped back in surprise when they saw Pinkie in the huddle. Zander fell back and scrambled to get up while Matt landed on his ass, clutching his heart.

“What! How! How did you sneak in like that!?”

“She asked me to scoot over a bit so I did,” Sam said.

“I kinda wanted to hear what you were saying. Also, I like huddles. They’re like cuddles but more serious,” she said with a smile, clapping.

The other mares stood around them in a crescent formation, glaring at Zander. He looked up at them and glared back.

“What?”

“‘Crazy Bitches’?” Rarity said with air quotes, squinting her eyes at him.

Zander’s face went pale for a moment as he tried to think of an excuse.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Oops~!” Rarity said loudly, snapping her fingers.

A portal opened up beneath Zander and he fell in with a terrified scream, followed by an echoing splash.

“Oh, clumsy me! I accidentally opened the gate above our Cragadile pit! Oh, what a Crazy Bitch I am!” she finished, screaming into the Gate.

“The fuck is- NO! NO, FUCK OFF!” Zander screamed, splashing around.

“Well, I need a better view of this,” Rarity said, closing the first Gate and opening a second one.

She stepped through the vertical Gate, Rainbow following behind with Barb and Applejack coming along. The Gate closed with a popping sound as the rest of the mares looked to the guys.

“Hey, uh, I think he deserved it for saying that,” Matthias said, his eyes flickering between the mares.

“Yeah, I’d rather not go for a swim with whatever it was that was chasing him.

“Don’t worry, Craggy doesn’t have any teeth,” Fluttershy said.

“Is that the name of the Cragagator?” Sam said.

“Cragadile, and yes,” Pinkie said. “She’s just like my pet summon, Gummy.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, she’s trained to not really attack anypony, just growl at them,” Twilight said. “But I won’t tolerate any behavior like that in our Clan Hall, so before I summon another portal, some rules.” She cleared her throat. “Number one; do not touch any of our equipment, many items are rigged to harm any trespassers. Number two; do not go into our rooms unless we’re there to show you something. Number three; don’t eat anything from Fluttershy and Starlight’s garden, they’re experimental. Finally, number four; don’t read anything in our library’s Forbidden Section. Any questions?”

Sam’s arm went up.

“What was number one again? Also, the rest after that? I was thinking about how two crocodiles without teeth eat. Do they have dentures? Also, can I pet them?”

“You may not.”

“Can I ride them like mounts?”

Twilight’s eye twitched.

“Wha… if you can’t pet them, what makes you think you’d be allowed to ride them?”

“... can I pet them if they ask?”

“Twilight, these are serious questions,” Pinkie said, scratching her chin at the depth of the discussion.

“No! No touching anything! Even if they ask you, which they can’t! Just don’t touch anything!”

“What if I need to use the bathroom?”

Twilight growled in frustration as she snapped her fingers, summoning another Gate.

“Get in, and touch! Nothing!”

“... the floor is a something.”

“GET IN!”

“Yes ma’am!” Sam said, saluting. “Big Pink!”

“Gotcha!” Pinkie said.

Pinkie rushed to pick Sam up, slinging him over her shoulder as she ran inside, followed by a loud splash. Twilight smacked herself in the face, dragging it down as she glared at the portal.

“Great, now there’s two of them. Again.”

Twilight walked through the Gate and closed it, leaving Mike and Matt behind with the others.

“Well, your friend seems like a lot of fun,” Sunset giggled. “Not many ponies can drive Twilight up the wall that quickly, and he seems to be on par with even Pinkie’s antics. He a handful back in your world too?”

“Yeah, he can get pretty bad,” Matthias said. “But. he’s the optimist we need in our house, otherwise it’s all depressing talks about not being able to pay our rent or something.”

“Well, I’m glad you guys seem so alright so far. I mean, that thing with the ‘crazy bitches’ isn’t too far off, to be honest. We’re all messed up in our own ways, but hey, we make it work. That’s what friendship’s all about, right Starlight?”

Starlight blushed and nodded.

“Y-yeah. Hey, uh, I’m gonna check on the plants, either of you wanna come along?”

“Uh, I think I’ll take a look. You don’t have any craggy things in your garden, right?” Matthias said.

“Nope! Just plants, and… more plants!” she said.

“Alright, I guess I’m game. Haven’t actually tended to any plants since Freshman year, it’ll be nice to see if I still have a green thumb.”

“Oh, I’ll come too,” Fluttershy said. “I need to check up on some of the bees I saved from that fire a few months ago.”

“Great, anypony else?”

No one said anything, so Starlight cast a Gate to the garden. She stepped inside, followed by Matthias and Fluttershy. When the butter-yellow mare stepped through, the Gate closed.

“So, where exactly is your Clan Hall if you need a portal to get there?” Mike asked, turning to Sunset.

“It’s buried deep within Mount Canterhorn, underneath thousands of kilotons of decaying crystals that run underneath Canterlot. It’s enchanted to resist any other kind of teleportation magic, and can only be keyed into with a blessing given from the Queen Sisters themselves, since it used to be their own personal Guild.”

“Wow, that’s insane.”

“Oh yeah. To see its halls is like being granted access to Elysium on Equis. Why don’t we start you off in the main hall, huh?”

“Sure.”

Sunset nodded and snapped her fingers. A red-outlined vortex swirled in the air before them, and Ashe motioned for Mike to go. He stepped through the portal, his demonic arm tingling as it pierced the veil of magic. Everything went quiet and dark when his head dipped in, and then he was brought back to reality when he stepped through the whole way. He looked around in awe, taking in the sight of the gargantuan hall he stood in.

The main hall stood easily five stories high and almost the size of a football field. Above him, the ceiling was made of glowing white crystals, held up by a massive rib cage that served as the literal skeleton for the entire hall. The crystal fused with the ancient bone through the spine, with bits of string hanging extravagantly carved chandeliers that spun lazily in the air. Two giant tables sat on either side of the entryway, one carved from blue wood with the moon etched into the center, and the other white with a sun. Each table was lined with 30 chairs in total, each covered with leather dyed to match the table’s theme. There were wooden walls, reaching only two stories high, cast with rich, brown mahogany. Around the dining area, the walls were lined with severed heads of great beasts, impaled into the wood with the weapons that likely slaid them. At the center of the hall was a large pit, a stone-carved one with plenty of space and filled with pillows of every possible color, varying in sizes. Surrounding it was a ring of coals, still red-hot with only a single plank of glowing wood to walk through it.

There were two balconies that encircled the circumference of the hall, large doors lining the walls themselves with marks on the doors, two of which he recognized as Applejack and Twilight’s Cutie Marks. The balconies at the third floor were connected by a bridge with a round hole in the middle, leading right over the furthest end of the bottom floor. At the farthest end of the hall was a massive pool, currently splashing water everywhere as Zander and Sam were chased by giant crocodiles.

The one chasing Zander was grey, and looked as if it were made from stone. When it opened its mouth, he could see pink flesh and a gaping throat, sucking up water and snapping shut just before it could catch Zander. Sam, however, was caught by the giant green one, and it tossed him into the air before he landed on its back.

“WOO! THIS IS THE BEST! DAY! EVER!” he screamed from the back of the beast.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP ME!” Zander screamed as he swam towards the edge of the pool.

Even with the two screaming, Mike could barely hear the two from the opposite end.

“Jeez, this place is huge,” he said.

“Yep. You wanna see the guest rooms?” Sunset asked.

“Sure, but are you sure Zander’s gonna be alright?”

Sunset looked at the splashing creatures and then walked off.

“So yeah, those rooms.”

She motioned for Mike to follow her and Ashe. Mike nodded, walking behind the tall mare and dragoness as they walked through a set of double doors with bronze frames. Inside was a long hallway, with five more doors on each end of the hall. Sunset then opened a door to reveal a set of four doors behind it.

“These should be your rooms,” she told them as she let Mike walk through and up to the first door on the left. Stepping in, he looked around at the ceiling cast in bright wood, and the polished floors. Opening it, he saw the room was small, only about large enough for one person to fit in, with a twin-sized bed in the left corner on the floor, a desk and bench taking up the right half of the room beside the bed, and an armor rack with a chest beside it taking up the rest of the back wall.

“Okay, this is a bit smaller than I expected,” he said.

“Well, considering you guys are going to start off with Bronze ranks at the Guild, you’ll only be allowed in the Bronze rooms,” Sunset said.

“Yeah, when we were inducted into the Queen’s personal service, we had to stay here too,” Ashe said. “But it’s not all that bad. You guys can still use the main bathing hall and the pool.”

“You mean the one with the giant monsters in it?” Mike deadpanned.

“They’re not that bad,” Ashe said, waving him off. “They’re a bit nippy, but they won’t actually try to hurt you unless we utter the attack phrase.”

“What is that? I don’t want to accidentally say it.”

“Sorry, only ranks Gold or higher can learn the phrase,” Sunset said. “But trust me, it’s not something that you’d say in a passing conversation.”

“Okay, but if we accidentally set them off-”

“You won’t,” Ashe said. “Now, if you want to tour the rest of this place that’s fine, but I’ve got to see Barb about that Amethyst Golem shards. Later Sunset.”

With that, the dragoness left the two. Sunset cracked her knuckles and followed.

“I’m gonna fix up something to eat. You hungry?”

“Actually, we were gonna see Button’s physical exam for his license,” Mike said. “Not to mention that we haven’t taken any exams either, so we don’t exactly qualify until we get a license first.”

“If the Queen’s invitation wasn't a clear enough indicator, she’s probably going to give you a royal exception and grant you guys your own licenses. It’s how Fluttershy and Starlight got theirs.”

“Huh. Okay, that’ll be cool. I just hope Button’s exam is going well.”

\\\//////

Button yipped as he ducked underneath a blade, the edge of the silver bladed tonfa barely snipping the end of his mane off. Sweat drops landed in one eye as he tumbled across the ground. He gripped his mace and rolled backwards, raising it in time to meet Tumble’s blade.

“And I’ll never let you forget it!” she screamed, tears flowing as her wings glowed with magic.

\\\//////

In the room leading to the bedrooms, the guys waited on the girls to call them to go see Queen Celestia to talk to her. Zander stewed in his anger, flipping his dagger around his hand and dancing it between his fingers, mumbling about revenge. Sam was drying himself off with a pink, fluffy towel and Matthias set down a tray on a table, filled with salad and bread rolls.

“Raise your hands if you’re bored,” Mike said with a sigh as he looked at his other roommates.

Matthias raised his hand and looked between the other two. Zander raised a middle finger and Sam lifted his clawed appendage as he rubbed his face into the towel.

“Oh man, this is the best towel ever!” Sam said, pulling his head out. “Hey, did they tell you where the washing machine is? I wanna clean this before giving it back to Pinkie.

“No, they didn’t,” Mike said. “Besides, we need to wait for them to get back. I wanna know what the heck’s going on and that Queen Celestia said she’d tell us.”

“Yeah, but she also said that when she’s ready she’ll tell us,” Matthias said.

“So what, we’re supposed to wait until she calls or something?”

“I guess so. What else can we do?”

“Get back at that fucking cunt is what we can do,” Zander growled.

“Still mad that she dropped you into the gator pit?” Mike said.

Zander turned and glared at Mike, his eyes almost burning as he growled.

“Dude, I get you’re pissed,” Matthias said, “but we’re not about to piss on the nicest living space we’ve ever lived in just because you want revenge.”

“Wait, did you just growl?” Sam asked.

“I almost got fucking eaten alive, fucker!” Zander yelled. “If I want my damned revenge, I’ll take it with or without your help!”

“Well count me out,” Mike said. “I’ve already got that purple dragon girl on my case from when we met, I don’t need to give any of them a justifiable reason to not trust us.”

“Yeah, I’d rather not get caught up in one of your unnecessarily brutal revenge schemes,” Matthias said.

“Oh, name one time I ever went overboard!”

“Burned that guy’s house down for selling you a bad computer, busted that one dude’s car for cutting you off on the highway, and then there’s Stacy,” Sam said.

Zander grimaced at the mention of Stacy.

“We don’t talk about Stacy!” Zander said, pointing the blade at Sam. “Still, this isn’t like any of those! I just called them crazy bitches, it’s not like I ate their fucking dog at a barbeque or somethinig!”

“Okay, I’m stoppin’ this right here,” Applejack said as she entered the room. “Ah ain’t hearing anymore of this kinda talk, stop it.”

“Well then don’t eavesdrop on us!” Zander said.

“Ah came to tell y’all that dinner’s ready in a few minutes and you can take a seat. Didn’t want to be rude so I wanted to wait until you’re done talkin’, but I’m stoppin’ this at dog grilling. Ah ain’t going through another one of those.”

“Wait, what!?” Mike and Matthias said.

“Nope, walkin’ away!” Applejack yelled as she closed the door.

The guys sat there for a moment before Mike and Matthias looked at Zander.

“Dude, let’s just go eat, it’s been a rollercoaster of a day,” Matt said.

“Yeah, let’s just try and move on,” Mike said. “Maybe if you apologized for being rude-”

“No,” Zander said, storming past the two out the door.

“Well, glad to see that even in a magic world he’s still the Zander we know,” Sam said. “Anyways, I could eat.”

“Eat what?”

“I don’t know, let’s find out.”

The guys made their way to the main hall and saw that most of the mares were already sitting at the table. They were out of their armors, wearing silk pajamas that matched their mane colors, save for Rainbow Dash who wore a blue set with turtles printed on it and Sunset, who wore a white bathrobe. Overall, they were dressed more modestly as they were now than in their armor, so the sight was slightly less of an eyeful and easier to adjust to. Though the only ones unaccounted for were Barb, Ashe and Pinkie.

“So, where can we sit?” Sam asked as he stood at the head of a table, next to Sunset and Twilight.

“Well, this table’s usually where we all gather around,” Twilight said. “It’s normally just us here anyways, since most of the other adventurers allowed here are off in distant lands.”

“Well what’s over by the fire pit?” Mike asked, pointing at the freshly rearranged pillows.

“That’s where Ashe and Barb sit for their meals,” Sunset said. “Since they need to eat meat, they usually sit over there where they can cook without worrying about us getting in the way.”

“Oh my God,” Matthias said under his breath.

“What?” Sunset said, looking between them.

“Are you telling me that we can finally get a decent steak here?” Matt asked.

“Dude, we went to that Griffon vendor two days ago,” Mike said.

“That old bastard sold us half-rotten raw cuts for thirty freaking bits each!” Matthias said, pointing an accusing finger at Mike. “If I didn’t spend two whole hours cutting them up we’d probably end up dead!”

“Oh, right,” Mike hissed.

“Well I guess you figured out where you’ll sit,” Sunset said. “Didn’t take you four - well, three of you- for meat eaters.”

“Technically we can eat meat, fruits and vegetables, but yeah we can eat meat,” Mike mentioned

“Just please try to not stain the seats with meat juices, they can’t be taken off of the benches and are very difficult to clean,” Twilight said.

“Got it!” Sam said, burying himself in an avalanche of pillows until he was hidden.

“Great, I’d love to sit as far away from her as possible,” Zander growled, jabbing a thumb in Rarity’s direction.

“That’s lovely, because we don’t let animals at the table,” she said.

“Then why are you allowed up there, you-”

Mike’s morphed arm fired a glowing blue hand out that grasped Zander’s mouth and threw him at the cushioned pit.

“Please just ignore that statement, he’s pretty mad about earlier,” Mike said.

“Well I’m still displeased with his attitude, thank you very much,” she said, flipping through a book.

“I mean, I kinda feel like you don’t have any right to act like this considering you threw him into a pit with a giant monster. What if it killed him? That’s pretty extreme for some name calling.”

Rarity’s frown deepened as she buried her attention into the book and turned away from the group, leaning against the table as her back faced Mike.

“Wow, okay then,” Mike said as he sat in the pit.

A set of doors opened up as Barb and Ashe walked out, wearing white robes with baggy white pants, a giant spread of cut meats held between them.

“Okay, what are these guys doing in our spot?” Barb said.

“We were hoping to have dinner,” Matthias said. “You need a hand with that?”

“We got it, thanks,” Ashe said. “So you guys can eat meat too?”

“Yes, and it feels like it’s been ages since we’ve had a decent steak!” Matthias said.

“Well I hope you enjoy this, ‘cause this’ll be the first time we’ve ever cooked for anyone other than the two of us.”

Ashe and Barb set the large metal dish down over the pit of coals and rocks, Barb glaring at the guys as she made sure to keep herself upright while lowering the dish. Zander just kept his eyes locked on Rarity while Matthias and Mike stared at the spread of meat. Lamb, pork and many different cuts of beef were all spread out with some tongs and knives resting in a basket. Ashe handed the basket to Mike.

“Can you pass these around?”

“Sure.”

He passed a knife and fork to everyone in the pit, setting a pair down next to the pillows that Sam hid under and handing them off to Barb.

“Here,” he said.

The dragoness eyed the utensils and took them, giving a sidelong glance to Mike.

“So you guys are important to Queen Celestia?” Barb said, her voice low.

“I guess we are,” Mike said, shrugging.

Ashe sat down next to Barb, grabbing a wooden pole before gently blowing a small flame. A stream of ruby fire washed over the stick, lighting it before she inserted it into the pit. The guys pulled back their feet as the pit of rocks and coals burst into a low flame, the metal tray atop it already glowing as Ashe smothered the torch.

“Why would Queen Celestia, the ruler of all daylight graces, Diarch of Equestria, Champion of Sol and the Goddess of the Sun, be interested in a bunch of freaky little pervs like you?” Barb asked, waving her fork at the guys.

“Okay, would you kindly lay off the accusations of perviness?” Matthias asked, pointing his own fork at her. “Seriously, what have we actually done to warrant that, at all?”

“I’ve seen how you gawk and stare at every mare in armor, especially Twilight and Applejack,” she growled, thrusting the fork in Mike’s direction.

“Okay, first of all, we’re from a completely different world where people don’t dress like that!” Mike said, stabbing out with his own fork. “So excuse us if we’re a bit weirded out by aliens and their dress code!”

“Yeah? And what about… that, thing that happened, after the fight? When you peeked up-”

“No,” Mike interrupted. “That was because of Twilight teleporting you. That. Was. An. Accident!”

Barb blushed and stabbed her fork into a piece of lamb. Already, the meats on the platter were sizzling, Ashe turning over some sleeves of pork while glancing at the pillow pile.

“Are you alright under there?” she said, leaning over it.

“Yeah, I’m great!” Sam answered from within. “I’ve always wanted to do this since I saw it on TV, but I could never really afford-”

“DIVE BOOOOOOMB!”

A pink blur slammed into the pile of pillows, Sam’s yelp of pain drowned under the downy prison he’d shackled himself within. Pinkie Pie sprawled on the collapsed pillow fort as if she were trying to take up as much space as physically possible. She wore a snugly fit onesie with padded ends for her hooves, the whole thing colored baby-blue with white dots all over it.

“Hey, did we get some kind of hard pillow added to this?” she asked, shifting her hips as she grinded deeper into the pile.

“I think that’s Sam’s arm,” Matthias said.

“Mostly my entire back,” Sam’s hoarse whisper replied, muffled by Pinkie’s lower half.

“Oh fudge, not again!” she said, flipping backwards off of the sofa.

She threw all of the pillows off and found Sam lying face-down, flattened into the cushioned seat.

“Oh hai Pinkie,” he said, barely able to lift his head.

She reached in and yanked him upright before helping him into a sitting position.

“Are you okay? Did anything pop or break?”

“Nah, nah I’m fine,” he said, rolling his neck. “So, what brings you to my dilapidated abode?”

“I always sit with Barb and Ashe because I like to toss Gummy some of the meat they don’t eat. I didn’t know you were hiding in there, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I’m used to getting body-checked by people ten times my everything.”

Pinkie leaned over and hugged him, leaning her chin on his head as she whispered an apology to him before patting his chest.

“Well, I’m just going to take some chicken for Gummy then,” she said, walking off with an entire chicken in hand.

Barb gave a gaze to Mike.

“I bet you wished you were in Sam’s place, huh?” she accused.

“Sam’s way more durable than I am. I’d probably be dead if she slammed on me,” he said, digging into a flank steak.

“Oh, so now you’re saying she’s fat, too?” Barb said, glaring.

“OKAY, REALLY!? I never said anyone was fat! Are you really just going to sit there and keep accusing me of stuff I didn’t do? What is your problem!?”

“Barb, seriously, knock it off,” Ashe said.

“Oh, come on A, I thought-”

“No, this is different!” Ashe hissed. “Celestia herself said, in front of all of us, that she needs them for something. They’re our charges, and if you can’t treat them with respect, can you at least stop being rude to them until after our assignment’s over?”

Barb opened her mouth as if to say something, stopped, and huffed before shoving an entire pork chop, bone and all, into her mouth. It crunch terribly as she bit into it, but still, she ate the whole thing with a displeased look on her face.

Mike shook his head and returned to his own steak, unaware of Zander scraping the grease off of the plate into a cup.

\\\//////

An hour or so later, the girls had cleaned up and were ushering to bed. Pinkie and Sam were petting Gummy and whispering goodnights to him while Ashe watched. Barb had cleaned up the leftovers from the firepit, and scraped it into a trough for the giant beasts. Fluttershy and Sunset finished cleaning as Matthias wiped off their tables, returning the washcloth to Starlight as they went off to bed.

“Sleep tight, everypony,” Starlight said.

“Goodnight,” Sunset and Fluttershy called.

“Right, good night,” Matt said, walking off.

Sam gave Gummy a pat on his snout as Pinkie planted a smooch on the beast before they both sighed.

“Well, sleep is important,” Sam said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Pinkie.”

“Hope you have good dreams,” she said. Just as she was about to walk off, she stopped on the spot and spun around before leaning down to him. “Say, do you wanna help me with breakfast tomorrow? I could use some nimble claws.”

Sam looked at his hands and blinked.

“I have… claws. Of a sort.”

“Perfect! I’ll grab you tomorrow nice and early so we can get a head start. Nighty night!” she said, bouncing off to bed.

As she did, Ashe followed.

“Guess we’ll be seeing a bit more of each other early, then,” she said. “Goodnight, Sam.”

“Night, Ashe,” he said. “Thanks for the steak, by the way. It’s been ages since I had a nice meal like that.”

“Oh yeah? Remind you of your mother’s cooking?” she asked jokingly.

Sam’s eyes went a bit cold as his smile faded.

“Yeah… yeah, thankfully not.”

Ashe blinked as she watched the semi-dragon practically deflate, the stunning resemblance with a certain pink pony running deeper than she thought.

“I’ll… good night,” he said, trudging back to his room.

Ashe extended her hand as if she wanted to interrupt his leave, but she caught herself and turned, afraid of worsening the situation.

As Sam walked into the shared rooms, he walked past Mike and Zander, both of whom were pacing about. He slipped past them and closed the door to his room.

“The heck, is he alright?” Mike said, jabbing a thumb at Sam’s door.

“Dude, he got to ride the fucking gator like a toy. I almost got eaten by one of the things! That bitch could have fucking killed me! Seriously! What the fuck!” Zander said, punching a couch pillow.

“Dude, believe me, I get why you’re mad. That Barb chick just keeps accusing me of every little thing! I mean, seriously, how hard is it to understand that we’re not from here and that everything’s pretty strange to us? Acting as if I’m some kind of pervert when she fell butt-first on me.”

Zander stopped pacing and put a steel cup down on the table. Mike blinked and peered into it, coughing when he got a whiff of the substance.

“Ack! Dude, what is that?”

“Grease from the meats,” Zander said, swirling it around. “I’m gonna pour it on that bitch’s hair tomorrow.”

“You know she’ll throw you back in the water with that thing, right?”

”HIS NAME IS GUMMY!” Sam yelled, muffled from his room.

Both of them were startled by the sudden shout, but Zander was quick to move on.

“Fuck, you’re right. Plus, I can’t just try to sneak into her room and pour it on her while she’s sleeping, as much as I wish I could.”

“Uh, why?”

“First of all, I have no clue which room could be hers. I could end up walking in on the purple dragon and get roasted alive. Second, the doors are locked to these adventurer cards,” he said, flipping around his bronze card. “I tried sneaking in already when everyone was cleaning up, but that shit’s locked up tight.”

“O-kay,” Mike said, eyeing the grease cup. “So are you going to ditch that now that it’s useless?”

Zander looked into the cup and then around the room. His eyes laid on the weapons mounted on the wall and he grinned.

“Actually, I think I just got a better idea.”

He waited hours, until he was certain everyone had gone to bed and was asleep. Creeping out of the Bronze Hall, he made his way to the main foyer, and tiptoed to the weapons rack. He found Rarity’s Reiterpalasch, and carefully lifted it off of the rack.

Setting the blade onto a workbench, he rummaged the kitchen and found the rag he’d seen Ashe use for cleaning the tray they cooked the meat on. Gently and quietly, he unsheathed the rapier and set it on the bench. He wrapped the rag into a bundle and dabbed it into the grease before polishing the sword with it. He worked the blade thoroughly until he got a decent sheen on it before moving up to the handle. Digging in, he made sure to scrub the grease into the grip until he was certain it’d been set.

Zander used the sheathe first, angling the blade until he slid it all the way in before balancing it and putting it back on the rack. He smiled as he dumped the grease into the sink, and quietly hurried off to bed.

When he got back to the room, he nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of Mike waiting for him.

“What’d you do?” he said in a hushed voice.

“Fucking stab me in the chest if you want to get my heart spiked like that!” Zander whisper-screamed/

“What. Did-”

“Alright, I poured grease on her sword, alright?”

“You realize when she finds out that it’s you, she’s gonna try and kill you again, right?”

“Relax, the stuff’s gonna dry up in a day or two, and tomorrow we’re going to that Canter-trot or whatever city. We’ll be with a literal Goddess, I think she’ll be fine without her sword if it slips.”

“And if it cuts her or stabs someone after she drops it?”

“... Look, we both know how I get when I’m rightfully pissed.”

“Tell her or I will,” he said, going to bed. “I’m not gonna let this get someone hurt, and you need to start thinking about long-term consequences.”

Mike walked into his bedroom and shut the door behind him, leaving Zander to smolder and stew in his emotions. He looked at his hands and clenched them into fists, swearing to himself as he wiped them off on his shirt before he jumped into bed.

-Canterlot-

Queen Celestia sat on her throne and looked at the empty throne that was next to her, her face not showing her usual smile, but rather a worried look on her tone.

“Strange, it’s been a few days and Luna still hasn’t returned,” Celestia thought, looking at her sister's empty throne.

As she contemplated her thoughts, a pair of mischievous laughs came from behind her. She smiled as she felt the tug of somepony climbing the backside of her throne. A small toy spider on a string slowly descended upon her, a stick lightly brushing the tip of her horn as somepony lowered the spider in front of her face.

“Oh, goodness me!” Celestia said in an exaggerated tone of horror. “A spider! Attacking me like this!”

The doors to the throne room opened, two mares in gold chainmail bikinis and large, golden shoulder pieces carrying torches slamming against the doors.

“Princess, are-”

The Guards stopped as Celestia glared at them, motioning for them to be quiet as she pointed at the fillies sitting atop her throne. The two doormares looked at each other and nodded.

“EEK!” they both shrieked, dropping their spears. “SPIDER!” they cried, closing the doors.

“Oh, woe is meeeee!” the Queen said, hand to her forehead as the other waved about. “My Guards are far too frightened by the horrible monster to save me!” she said, sprawling out of her throne. “If only there were two brave warriors who could stop it!”

“We’ll save you!” Flurry Heart said, jumping off of the throne.

“HIYAH!” Skyla shouted, punching the toy spider.

The twins stomped on the toy spider and threw it back and forth between each other, Celestia laughing as the door Guards reentered, picking their spears up from the floor.

“Oh, I’m ever so grateful for my precious little nieces for saving me from such a dreadful beast.”

“Yeah! We saved Aunt Celestia!” Flurry said.

“Yay, we’re heroes!” Skyla said, high-fiving her sister.

“That’s right, you’re both heroes,” Celestia said, rising from her throne and picking the two up. “And do you know what good adventurers get for saving the Queens? Bedtime.”

The two went from happiness to sadness in an instant, sighing as they sunk into her arms.

“Okay, Auntie,” they both said.

Just as Celestia was about to walk the two fillies to bed, a grey-coated Guardsmare with a red cloth over her muzzle, her black mane tied up in a topknot and a red cape flowing behind her walked in. She knelt and clenched a golden claw-cladded hand over her heart.

“My Queen, urgent news from the Guards at the Northern Passage. You need to hear this immediately. Code Black.”

Celestia’s ears perked upright as her wings shuffled. She set the twins down and urged them towards the doors.

“Guards, see Flurry Heart and Skyla to their room,” she told the Guards. “Girls, I’m very sorry but this is an emergency. I’ll tuck you both in when I’m done.”

The twins exchanged a worried glance but followed the Guards anyways.

With that, she ushered the grey Guardsmare to an adjacent room from the throne, the dim of the night grasping them as darkness enveloped the side room, torches flickering out as Celestia lit the room with only her horn.

“Speak, Captain Raven.”

“My Queen, Princess Gleaming Shield arrived with three Crystal Guards in tow nearly three hours ago,” she said, standing upright and looking her in the eye.

“Three hours ago? What’s happened? Why wasn’t she brought here?”

“She requested to be quarantined alongside her fellow Crystal warriors. She spoke of some corruption inflicted upon her wife, and how Queen Umbra ambushed her on their way here. After the Apothecaries made their tests, they found that… she carries Chaos, ma’am. The Old Ones have taken Umbra, Chrysalis, and even Cadance. Gleaming is fearing that her fall is imminent, but warned that several other townships to the North and East have fallen already, and-”

“Seal off the city’s perimeter and have Gleaming and her troops brought to the lowest levels of our warded dungeons,” Celestia said, igniting a spell.

The room burst with light as ancient runes were powered once more, five thrones rising from the ground, each bearing a different symbol of some kind. Her fingers traced the outline of a Kraken, broken and faded compared to the others.

“We’re out of time. The Awakening is upon us.”

Author's Note

Figured I have some light hearted parts before the next chapter starts off the setting of dread and despair. Hope you all enjoyed the next chapter.