Congrats on your new lady bits!
Blip. Blip. Blip.
Twilight Sparkle grumbled at the muffled pulses from an adjacent room’s vitals monitor. She let her head recline in the stiff bed, tubes connected to each part of her body, a flurry of ice packs and blankets distributed around her waist.
Knock knock.
Twilight barely looked up as the door in the corner swung open, a pink-haired nurse entering. Probably here to take my blood pressure for the seventh time today, she thought.
The nurse looked over warmly. “There’s a visitor waiting for you.”
“Oh?” Twilight cocked her head, moving her hand to the bridge of her nose to prop up her glasses as a piercing beep erupted from her IV. She flinched at the noise, and the nurse scurried over to readjust the cable connecting to the overhead bag of dextrose solution as Twilight unbent her arm.
The beeping stopped. “Thanks,” Twilight mumbled, cheeks white.
“Are you alright?” Frowning, the nurse searched for her eyes. “I can get you something for the pain. You’re well off the anesthesia by now.”
“The pain is fine.” She bit her lip. “It’s all the noise. You said I had a visitor, though?”
The smile returned. “Yes, Ms. Pie is here to see you.”
Twilight’s pupils sparkled. “Oh, that’s great to hear.”
A nod. “I’ll get her then. Anything you need in the mean time?”
“That’s alright, thank you.”
The nursed turned and exited, and momentarily, a bubbly university aged girl appeared in her place without as much as a knock.
“Good morning, Twilight!” she sang, waddling over to the bed with a backpack sagging off her shoulders. “Hug?”
“It’s really nice to see you, Pinkie.” Cognizant of the IV, Twilight outstretched her other arm, and let Pinkie envelope her into her side. “I wasn’t expecting anyone so early.”
“Oh!” Pinkie squeezed tight before releasing the hug. “The rest of the girls are coming tonight, and your Mom will be around tomorrow. But obviously I couldn’t wait that long.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t?”
“Nuh-uh!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “I didn’t want the treat to get all soggy and stale.”
“The treat?”
On cue, Pinkie dropped her bag onto a bedside table, unzipped it, reached in, and winking as she fished, produced a paper-wrapped mound. She tore open the paper along the midway line, discarding upper half, revealing one half of a donut.
Twilight’s eyes bulged. “Wow.”
Pinkie bit her lower lip affectionately, exposing her shining front teeth. “Thanks, I read in your doctor’s post-op checklist that you need a pillow donut, so I baked you the pillowiest of pillow donuts I have ever pillowed! Or would that be the donuttiest I have ever donutted?” She scratched her chin. “Though I’m not entirely sure why your doctor cares about the pillowiness of the Pillowsbury, but I don’t make the rules, missy.”
“What?” Twilight blinked, dazed. “Oh. It’s recommended while healing to use a donut pillow, for minimizing surgical area pressure while in an upright sitting position. But I do appreciate the thought.”
Squawk. “Oh well!” Pinkie shoved the half-paper, half-exposed donut towards Twilight’s mouth. “At least now you get to eat it?” Twilight nodded with a giggle and a wince of pressure-induced pain. Pinkie stage-whispered, “For a second there you had me worried you were just going to sit on Sprinkles.”
Twilight shook her head warmly, a puff of air passing through her tired lungs. With her free hand, she took the bag to her lips, tummy fluttering at the momentary warmth passed hand-to-hand with her dear friend. She bit in, hit with confectionary bliss as the warm exterior contrasted against her tongue with the cool dark gooey insides, melting with diverse sensations of sugar, berry jam, more sugar, glazed sweetener, and somehow even more sugar.
She swallowed. “Wow. You baked this all yourself?”
“Of course.” Pinkie hummed, losing her eyes in Twilight’s with little protest from the latter. “Anything for one of my best friends, silly, especially since your post-op checklist said you needed jelly. I wasn’t sure what flavour you wanted, though, so I went with a mix of blueberry and blackberry.” She glowed.
“Jelly?” From the bed, Twilight tilted her head for a beat, tilting back with a loving eye roll and a playful shake of her head. “The Neosporin, you mean?” Pinkie’s lips pursed into a halo, dimples forming in her cheeks, but her eyes betrayed no surprise at the revelation.
“Ooo, crotch jelly.” She giggled. “Yeah, that’s way different than blueberry. Kinda rhymes though.”
Twilight exhaled, a little too deep and friendly for an unadorned breath but not fast or heavy enough to ignite laughter. “It’s to keep the surgical area moist.”
“Pff.” Pinkie swatted her head and brought her lips to Twilight’s farther ear, her chest dripping down on Twilight’s as she leaned over to whisper, “I could help you do that myself if you prefer.”
Twilight froze, cheeks flushing and pupils getting lost to the aether.
Pinkie pulled back to a standing posture. “I know, I know. None of that for twelve weeks. Really, I just came to give you a Congrats on Your New Lady Bits jelly donut.” She cocked her head. “Come to think of it, that’s a bit of a mouthful. The name, I mean. We both know my mouth is plenty big for–”
“Okay, okay!” Twilight tapped her foot increasingly quickly against the foot of the bed. “But my lady bits?”
“Oh, whoops.” Pinkie crossed her heart with a fist landing in her eye. “I forgot to give you your new lady bits.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, using her hand to silently pull over her gown. “No touching until it’s healed. Doctor’s orders.”
“Aw, bummer.” Pinkie flipped her frown as her eyes bounced around the exposed area. “Super pretty, though.”
Twilight’s cheeks shaded to match her lips as she returned to cover her intimates, leaving a patch of skin exposed in her hurry. “Thank you, I think. I have yet to do a thorough anatomical inspection, but from a preliminary analysis, there is considerable inflammation affecting the appearance which should improve over time. Plus, the sutures need to dissolve.”
Pinkie shrugged, sliding her finger down the bridge of Twilight’s nose. “It’ll only get prettier, then.” She winked, sending a shiver through the air and a shock wave of post-operative abdominal pain, and flashed down and up her own garments for a blink. “Something to look forward to, eh? I’ll have to help the prettiest scientist I know keep track of that data.”
Twilight attempted a nervous laugh despite the pain.
“Anyway. I was going to give you your new lady bits before you stole the show with your other new lady bits.” Pinkie shoved her hand in her bag and extracted three gold-plated coins. A closer examination would reveal a Saddle Arabian numeral 5 on one side, and a smiling image of a white alicorn etched into the other. She shoved the coins into Twilight’s hand.
“Are these…” Twilight squinted. “Equestrian bits?”
“Duh.” Pinkie grinned. “When we were in Ponyville after all that silliness on the boat, I started twitching and found the bits just laying there on the ground. So I stuffed them in my hair and took them home as my very own interdimensional souvenir.”
Twilight nodded slowly, a bit of concern washed over her eyes. “Lady bits, though?”
Pinkie frowned. “Hmm, you’re right. I don’t know the pony’s gender, but they sure look like a lady to me.”
Snort. “Pinkie, that’s Principal Celestia.”
“Princess to you.” she sang.
A sigh. “Thank you for the…” Her voice turned nasal. “Lady bits.”
“Sure thing.” Pinkie sprung up. “Oh, and I also have lady fingers for you.”
“Busy morning baking, then?”
“Baking?” Pinkie gasped. “Who said anything about baking?” She leaned forward towards the bit of Twilight’s exposed midriff, extending her lady fingers to make contact with a rhythm.
In totally unrelated news, Twilight’s secret had never been her gender transition – something about which she was quite open – but in fact was her unrelenting ticklishness.
“Make… it… stop…” Twilight wheezed between smiles and pained bouts of laughter.
Pinkie complied. “Oops, healing, sorry!”
Twilight exhaled, her eyes scanning her friend’s face. “Thank you for visiting me here.” She leaned up in bed – despite the IV, catheter, and drain tugging down – far enough to plant a loving kiss on the latter’s cheek.
“Nah.” Pinkie pressed her index finger to Twilight’s nose. “Thank you for the kiss!”
Twilight closed her eyes, allowing Pinkie to rest her hand in Twilight’s own as she yawned. “I love you, Pinkie.”
“Love you too, Twilight.” A parting kiss. “Love you too.”
