Starlight Glimmer's Real Family Tree
Princesses Celestia and Luna stood on either side of a philodendron with a broken pot, its soil spilled out onto the ground. Each alicorn gritted her teeth as they channeled beams of healing magic at the injured plant.
Twilight Sparkle put down her wastebasket and watched. "Girls," Twilight said, "if I'd known you wanted a houseplant, I could have just gotten you one."
Celestia and Luna grimaced as they stuggled to control the wildly gyrating vortex of glowing magical force. "Can't...talk right now," Luna said, "must...save it!"
A moment later, the philodendron's soil had been gathered back into the pot, and the broken pot's pieces melded together. "Phew!" Celestia said. "I was afraid we couldn't do it. After being dropped and broken twice in one day, that plant was in very bad shape."
Twilight picked up her wastebasket. "Is it safe now?" she asked. "For me to take out my trash, I mean?"
Luna nodded. "The danger is over. You may now use the trash can."
Twilight emptied her wastebasket into the can.
"So," she asked, "what was that all about?"
Celestia gave the purple pony a serious look. "Twilight," she said, "do you remember your entrance exam to my School for Gifted Unicorns?"
"How could I forget?" Twilight exclaimed. "That was the biggest day of my life!"
Celestia nodded. "Now that you're older...and probably wiser...and certainly more experienced in running a school...is there anything about that entrance exam that doesn't quite make sense to you?"
Twilight thought. "I guess expecting a five-year-old filly to hatch a dragon's egg is kind of ridiculous."
"Yes?" Celestia said.
"And...does a stressful exam like that OFTEN cause an uncontrolled magic surge? Those wacky side effects...a dragon baby instantly aged into an adult bigger than a house...my parents turned into potted ferns...NOOOOO!"
Twilight stared at the philodendron. "Is that plant SOMEPONY?"
"When your magic surge went out of control, and your parents were turned into plants," Luna said, "Celestia was able to reverse the spell and make them ponies again. But sometimes we are not so lucky. A few ponies are stuck as plants for good."
"So," Twilight said, "every time I was outside Starlight Glimmer's office and I thought I heard her having a conversation with nopony...every time she doted over her plant like it was her own child..."
"Or her own mother," Luna said.
Twilight stared at the plant. "That plant Trixie keeps trying to throw out is Starlight's MOTHER?"
"Yes," Celestia said. "I witnessed the transformation. Try as I might, I was unable to reverse the effects."
"So," Twilight asked, "I really wonder..."
"Oh?" Celestia said.
"When Starlight talks to her mother...can Starlight hear her mother talking back?"
"I don't know how to prove it," Celestia said, "but I think she can."
"Wow," Twilight said. "Just...wow."
"There's something about the architecture of that exam hall," Celestia said, "that seems to resonate in a funny way with the magic of a highly stressed five-year-old filly or colt, and amplify it. It brings out innate talent in a way that few other circumstances can."
Twilight glared at Celestia. "Wait a minute!" she shouted. "You're pranking me! Starlight Glimmer went to visit her parents just last year. She sent me a letter and a photo!"
Celestia explained sadly, "Her father divorced her original mother and remarried. So the ponies she visited were her father and her stepmother."
Twilight was struck speechless.
Celestia said, "Starlight doesn't like to explain her family history. She finds it very awkward."
"So..." Twilight said, "My parents were turned into ferns, until you turned them back. Starlight Glimmer's mother is a philodendron. Does this kind of thing happen to everypony who takes the exam?"
Celestia and Luna laughed. "Oh, heavens no!" Celestia said. "The exam isn't nearly that predictable."
"Is that...good?"
Celestia elaborated, "There was one other filly...Moondancer, I think. She accidentally invented a tragically flawed version of Haycarte's Method, sending her parents into a book. But nopony knows which book. So nopony's seen them since."
"That explains why she seems even more determined than me to read every book in Equestria. She's looking for her long-lost parents!"
"Yes. I'm afraid the whole thing left her with some...abandonment issues."
"At first she did a pretty good job of hiding how upset she was that I hadn't gone to her birthday party," Twilight said. "But it really bothered her, even years later. I guess that pony really does have some issues. I only hope I can be as good a friend to her as she deserves."
Celestia said, "Lemonhearts gave herself the ability to change into other states of matter."
"What?"
"She can become extremely rubbery and stretchy, or even turn herself into a liquid. Did she ever show you her famous party trick, where she pours herself into a beaker?"
"Uh...kind of? I never thought to wonder HOW she got her head stuck in a beaker in chemistry class."
Twilight said, "Don't you feel terrible about putting fillies and colts through that kind of stress? Telling us to do something totally weird and impossible like hatching a dragon's egg?"
"Oh, Twilight," Luna said, "You should be glad you didn't get an even harder question. Maybe something more cross-species."
"MORE cross-species than a pony hatching a dragon's egg?"
"How about hatching a foal out of a chicken egg?"
Twilight goggled. "Are you...is that..."
"Speaking of which, doesn't Scootaloo live in Ponyville now? How is she these days?"
"I know one of her friends was teasing her about being a chicken..." Twilight facehoofed. "I don't think I can deal with this."
"But Twilight," Celestia said, "these entrance exams are one of the most important magical resources Equestria has."
"What."
Luna said, "I know a five year old filly, not matter how precocious, doesn't have the magical experience of an older pony. But sometimes not knowing what's impossible is very powerful. Sometimes, when you carefully place a little filly right in the focal point of an insanely dangerous magical resonance, and challenge her to do the impossible...even if she might not succeed in the way you expect, you can still learn something useful."
Celestia said, "Flawed as Moondancer's spontaneously self-invented version of Haycarte's Method was, it was different from anything anypony had ever done before. I was able to learn a key technique from it. That's how I locked several dangerous ponies into my Book of Villainous Jerks. Now THAT'S a book we keep in the Restricted Section for a reason."
"Ah, yes," Luna said. "That book has given me many late evenings of entertainment." She grinned wickedly.
Celestia snorted. "Have I ever mentioned, Luna seems to have a thing for 'bad boys?'"
Twilight said, "Is this true? Celestia, you imprisoned ponies inside a book? Forever? Books should be our friends! Not our prisons!"
Luna said, "That book has certainly been MY friend." She slowly licked her lips.
"Oh, cut it out, Luna," Celestia scolded. "Twilight, I saved thousands of innocent ponies by imprisoning those villains. And it's not like you've never sent somepony to Tartarus. At least inside a book they have something to read."
"True," Twilight admitted. "But your entrance exam system still seems hard on the little fillies and colts who have to deal with the aftermath of a resonance-amplified uncontrolled magic surge. Do you know what that's like?"
Celestia said, "You seemed to take it well enough. I remember you jumping up and down cheering about your new cutie mark."
Twilight said, "Well, yes...I guess for me, it was worth it. Even though it was a bit rough being an unwed dragon-mother at the age of five."
"But Twilight, I'm so glad your mother Velvet adopted Spike and raised him as your little brother. That's another system that works well, for a lot of unwed mothers. You see? It's not all bad."
"It is hard to imagine my life without Spike. But I feel sorry for Starlight, and Phyllis--"
"Phyllis is an alias, to hide the plant's true identity as Starlight Glimmer's mother. Her real name is Ethel."
"I don't know if that makes it any better," Twilight said.
"And what about the Elements of Harmony?" Celestia asked.
"Okay," Twilight said, "what about them?"
"That was back when about half our entrance exam questions were based on poorly translated Chineighese fortune cookies," Luna said.
"Oh, really?" Twilight said sarcastically.
"It's the truth," Luna insisted. "I believe that exam question was something like, if you retranslate it into modern language:
A tree that is not but a tree,
but can protect all Equestri'.
That exam took the filly a rather long time to complete. But when she and the rest of the joint expedition returned several months later, with a map to the Tree of Harmony, and carrying the Elements, we were able to give her full passing marks."
"Did you turn her family into trees?" Twilight asked with some bitterness.
"Of course not!" Celestia said. "Although I believe the Tree of Harmony did adopt the filly as a sort of niece. But everypony got to stay in their own preferred species form, so it worked out fine!"
Twilight said, "You can't persuade me that asking five year old fillies to do the impossible is what keeps Equestria safe! That's crazy talk!"
Celestia chuckled. "Of course I don't ask you to believe that. Mares in their teens, twenties and thirties do their parts too. How many times have I asked you and the other Bearers of the Elements to defend Equestria from some terrible danger? And how often does it work out?"
Twilight mumbled, "A lot, I guess. But it's still crazy. Are we all crazy? Am I crazy?"
Celestia gently wrapped her wing around Twilight in a soft, feathery hug. "I know it's a lot to take in," the majestic alicorn said. "But if you're to be involved in running Equestria, you have to learn these things."
"It makes no sense! I don't understand how it can make sense!"
"My dear, you don't have to understand it. It's how things work. You just have to roll with it."
"Ha ha. It's like Pinkie Pie and her Pinkie Sense. Makes no logical sense. It can't possibly work. But somehow it works."
"Yes," Celestia said, "years ago, I had more than one reason for sending you to Ponyville, which just happens to be where Pinkie Pie lives."
"Now I know what I have to do," Twilight said. "This should just take a few minutes. Is it okay if I go do that?"
Celestia said, "You can catch up with us at Sugarcube Corner. I'm sure there's a cake with my name on it there."
"I'll do that," Twilight said. "See you soon."
Twilight picked up the potted philodendron and carried it back into the school. After a few minutes of puttering in a supply closet, she went to find Trixie.
"Trixie!" Twilight said. "Do you see what I painted on this plant's pot?"
"You're holding it the wrong way round," Trixie said.
Twilight put the plant on a table, and rotated it. "Read that to me," the purple princess demanded.
Trixie said, "Do NOT damage nor throw away this plant. It must be cared for and kept safe, by Princess Twilight Sparkle's royal decree."
Trixie laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen you issue a royal decree before."
"I'm not kidding. And one more thing! If you don't fear my royal wrath, or the wrath of Celestia or Luna, there's one more reason to treat this plant with respect and love."
"Oh? What?"
Twilight said, "If you don't want to get on Starlight Glimmer's bad side for the rest of your life...if you EVER want to be able to share a travel trailer with your little Glimglam again...DO NOT CROSS ME ON THIS! And if you ever decide you don't care how Starlight feels about you, or if you get angry at her or even decide that you hate her, the royal wrath part still counts."
Trixie sighed. "You are serious about this, aren't you?"
"Deadly serious. It's a matter of life and death."
Trixie said, "The Great and Powerful Trixie promises not to harm this plant. For as long as Starlight lets me, I'll make sure it gets enough water and sunlight."
"You'd better," Twilight said. "You don't know how much is riding on it. Do you know how much work Celestia and Luna put into mending this plant? Into healing it after you hurt it and broke it?"
"Did they really?"
"With my own eyes just now I watched them. I've never seen them combine magical forces quite like that before.
"And now," Twilight proclaimed, "I have an appointment to meet with the princesses and tell them, mission accomplished!"
Trixie gave Twilight a salute that was only half ironic, as the alicorn princess marched out of the room.
Author's Note
This is my answer to a question posed by one of Pineta's stories.
The story image is part of a single frame from the show.
