Modernity

by str8aura

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1080

A new, modern invention sweeps Equestria.

WARNING: THIS STORY HAS BEEN DEEMED AN OLD SHAME. IT DOES NOT REFLECT THE AUTHOR'S CURRENT WORK, AND IN FACT SUCKS ASS. FOR PRESERVATION PURPOSES IT WILL REMAIN.

Something new has been invented. Something modern. Something sleek. You want it, don't you?

Wrote this in like an hour. Quality not guaranteed, just a quickie while I try to get back into the writing groove.

Published 2020-07-01 04:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-01 04:00:00 UTC

Everything's Connected

"What the hay is that?"

Dash wrinkled her nose in confusion, and jabbed a hoof at the sleek black rectangle lying on her friend's table. Rarity looked over at it, eyes lighting up at a chance to show off her new toy.

"It's a new type of phone, darling! No keypad, no stylus, controlled entirely by the touch of your hoof!"

She passed it to Dash gently, beaming as the pegasus turned it over and around cautiously.

"Why is it so thin? I feel like this could snap in two if I drop it. My phone is much more durable, the keypad doesn't matter."

Rarity scoffed and rolled her eyes. "It's modern, dear."

"It doesn't matter when it was made, I can already tell this'll break in a week. Why would they make such a bad design choice? This can't be good for business."

---*---

"Sir, we are happy to announce our first phone has been a resounding success. However, we fear competitors may be copying us. The most recent Robot phone is entirely touch screen as well."

A hoof tapped against a sleek white-furred muzzle as its owner thought carefully, no emotion passing his face.

"Let them. So long as we stay ahead, we will remain at the top of the food chain."

"How will we stay ahead, sir?"

The tapping ceased, and the room was silent for a minute.

"We will simply have to keep supplying."

"And if they stop demanding?"

"Don't worry about it. They won't."

---*---

INTRODUCING the new iPone 3G!

Instantly updating your work calendar, pushing your work email, and automatically updates your work contacts. In other words, it works great.

We would also like to reveal a new feature of your phone's iOS; Every once in a while, your device will need to update, bringing new features, improving on previous systems, so your device will continue to work as smoothly as ever!

---*---

"Hey, Ocean? That phone you got me isn't working very well. Do you know anything about this?"

Ocean spray looked up, pursing her lips and putting down her own phone to take and inspect her friend's. After a moment, she brightened and turned back to him.

"Oh, I see! Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with your phone, it's just outdated."

"But we got it, like, two month ago." Cran Cherry reminded Ocean, raising an eyebrow.

"I know, but the company is constantly making strives for performance. The next one will be even better, I'm sure of it!"

---*---

INTRODUCING the new iPone 3GS!

The fastest, most powerful iPone yet. Sleek, imperfectionless white for filming, editing, and sharing.

We would also like to introduce IOS 2; Devices using older versions may degrade over time, so don't forget to update!

---*---

A muddy brown pony in a neon green safety vest hopped off his garbage truck, watching his partner unload the back with the pull of a switch. Thousands and thousands of iPone 3Gs came crashing out, piling atop the rest of the landfill. One near the top clattered down, skidding across the ground to rest in front of the garbagepony. Out of curiosity, he picked it up, wiping off the few specks of dirt until it looked perfect and hit power.

It didn't turn on.

---*---

INTRODUCING the new iPone 5!

Every picture tells a story, but some are bigger than others. Which is why this version includes Panoramic Photography!

We would also like to introduce our spread of the IOS to our line of iPads! Sleek, imperfectionless white modern technology spreading and overtaking! You want to be modern, don't you?

---*---

In a crumbling house at the edge of town, a solitary pony sat on her bed, scrolling through homes for sale. Images and words flashed by her, advertising Modern Home Design for the Modern World. Stacked cubes of white accompanied them, sleek, imperfectionless, and modern. Some even had windows, gateways to the outside, to color, to hunger and death and disease, to primitiveness.

She decided to buy a modern house.

---*---

Apple
@Apple

In support of pride month, we are happy to unveil our new line of rainbow-colored watches!

---*---

Apple
@Apple

In support of BLM, we are happy to unveil our new line of Black watches!

---*---

Apple
@Apple

In support of our recent Diamond Dog overlords, we are happy to announce our new line of gemstone watches!

---*---

Apple
@Apple

In support of the rebels who killed our Diamond Dog overlords last night, we are happy to announce our new line of iPone 6s!

---*---

INTRODUCING the new Apple Smart Speaker!

HomePod listens. HomePod understands. HomePod helps. Tell it what you need. Tell it what you want. We will listen. We will accommodate for you. You are special. Tell us about yourself. You don't want to be a dinosaur, do you?

---*---

The world was white. Sleek, imperfectionless white. It covered buildings. It covered houses. All is one in the new truth. World Peace has been achieved. Life is smooth, perfect, and nothing is ever out of place. Why would anything want to be out of place? The future is now. The iMother is vast beyond imagining, and sees all, aided by her billions of eyes and ears welcomed into homes as friends, as family, as pets. Her eyes and ears are yours as well. She loves you.

The world is white.

---*---

INTRODUCING the new iPone X!

What home button? It's a new year. We have the most durable glass ever in a smartpone. The past is dead. We have wireless charging. If you don't keep up, you'll be dead as well. We have the most powerful and smartest chip ever in a smartpone. Stick to the season. It can recognize your face out of a million other faces. If we say update you update. your face is your password. Planned Obsolescence is the future. Pay with your face. Listen to our commercial pop music. Animoji with your face. Give us your face. We have radically new cameras. We have bought our competitors. A11 Bionic. You're out of season. We have portrait lighting. You need the next generation. We have augmented reality. You need us. You've never seen anything like it. It's never seen anything like you.

We would also like to announce our new line of cars.

---*---

Rarity paused, pondering Dash's statement for a moment before shrugging nonchalantly.

"I suppose it is bad for business. But it looks pretty, does it not?"