They’ll be Arguing till the Cows Come Home

by Horse Words

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Equestria Girls, Romance, Applejack, Braeburn, Comedy
Length: 4585

In which Rarity believes in true love and Applejack thinks Rarity's crazy if she thinks she has a chance with her cousin.

In which Rarity believes in true love and Applejack thinks Rarity's crazy if she thinks she has a chance with her cousin.

Everyone else in the story are just there for plot convenience.

Cover art background slightly edited in order to not mislead, but sourced nonetheless. I can't draw, I can barely write.

Published 2020-07-01 00:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-01 00:20:00 UTC

Both Pretty and in Love, and Neither a Sin

Placing the fresh flowers in the bedside vase, Applejack dusted off her hands. With everything in place, she had to admit Rarity did a good job at getting the guest room ready. She still fully believed that the room could do without the doilies everywhere, and the unnecessary number of pillows on the bed, but it did look good, nonetheless.

“I told you that sage green really subdued the whole atmosphere, Paris green was just too bright.”

“And I’m telling y’all that he won’t know no difference between the two. But I gotta hand it to you, it looks impressive. Thank you for your help, I’m mighty grateful.”

“Your welcome Darling,” Rarity took a seat on the chest at the foot of the bed, “besides you can pay me with that delicious apple pie your granny is making, plus that braised duck with apples are to die for.”

“Well if y’all can freshen’ up in the bathroom near my bedroom quickly so we can pick up Braeburn from the station. The sooner he gets here, the sooner we get to eat.”

Rarity wasn’t one to succumb to simple gluttony, but she’s been saving up her cheat days to eat that braised duck and apple pie and by the forces above she will have it sooner than later. So faster than Applejack could start up her 4x4 – and in her defense it was an old 4x4, so the engine was faulty – she was in and out and sitting in the passenger seat.

Halfway through their ride, Applejack got a call from what Rarity deduced was from Big Mac, over what she thinks was who was picking up Braeburn but there were too many stereotypical country idioms that she couldn’t possibly understand what the conversation was entirely. What she did know after Applejack translated was that they were meeting up at the café since Big Mac got off from his shift early and was able to pick up his cousin after all.

With the doorbell making their entrance known, Applejack scanned the half-filled shop for a familiar face. Lighting up, she called them over. Trying to catch a glimpse of the two, Rarity moved forward as a figure turned around. And as the second chorus of ‘Like I’m Gonna Lose You’ rolled on, the room slowed down. Her piercing blue eyes catching the soft green of the boy, they seem to contradict the rigid features that were framed by his shaggy long hair. Immersing herself in the moment, she was pushed back into reality by the force of someone bumping into her. Stumbling, she caught herself before she could fall. But not fast enough to stop herself for falling for him.

“Cousin Applejack!” Braeburn engulfed her in a hug, “it’s great to see y’all again.”

Carefully pushing him off, Applejack asked about his trip here, in which he replied saying something about hares and the turtles and Rarity understood nothing of it. She did understand that when he asked if ‘this pretty lass’ was Applejack friend he was referring to her.

“Why yes,” Rarity held out her hand with her palm facing down, “I’m Applejack’s best friend Rarity, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Grabbing her hand and shaking it furiously, Braeburn replied, “Well ain’t you pretty as a pumpkin.”

“Yes, I’ve been told that I do have a natural ability to make even the colour orange look good.”

“A sense of humor as well, why aren’t you dandy.”

“Very so, yes.”

That was the longest conversation they shared that night, but that didn’t stop her from replaying it over her head while she tried to fall asleep that night.

“I refused to believe this!”

In any normal instance, any student who casually walked down the hallway of lockers would look back either due to curiosity, concern, or both. However, considering the statement came from Rainbow Dash, the endless stream of students seemed unbothered.

“Face it Rainbow Dash, the facts don’t lie,” Twilight said showing her phone screen to her friend. Pushing it away as an act of rebellion, Dash crossed her arms and turned her head as if not seeing is not believing.

Reading the text out loud again, Dash tried to drown Twilight out with ‘na na na’s’, “Fur follicles grow from melanocytes cells that are pigment dominate – that means black in this case Dash. Which means white in relation means it’s pigment deficient, thus causing the stripe effect on the Zebra’s body.”

“Zebras are white and black and that’s final.”

Sunset – who has develop the ability to tune out conversations after being friends with both Pinkie and Dash for so long – was the only one who noticed the happier-than-usual Rarity, the kind of happy like she just shopped-till-she-dropped without having her card declined once.

“You look happier than usual, what’s up?” Sunset said. To be told, she wasn’t really too invested in Rarity’s mood per se, but anything was better than the one-sided debate between Twilight and Dash.

Twirling her hair, Rarity gave off a cool ‘oh, nothing’, waiting for one of her friends to ask her again, so she can selfishly indulge in the topic of herself without sounding vain. Sunset, sensing Dash opening her mouth for something most likely related to Zebras, she asked her friend once again to tell her about herself.

“Well I don’t really like talking about myself,” she noted Sunset’s eye roll but decided to be the bigger person and ignore it, “but there is something I must get off my chest.” Asking her friends to huddle around, she placed her finger against her lips as if sealing what she was about to say. Whispering between them she said, “There’s someone who has caught my fancy.”

She didn’t expect a huge reaction, but the silence that stayed between them was somewhat insulting. Clearing her throat, she continued with the mystery, “Yesterday I went to pick up Applejack's cousin, and my goodness, I never thought she was related to someone who was sculptured so gracefully as himself.”

Rainbow Dash was the first to leave the huddle, shrugging as if nothing new. Which was true, because practically everyone Dash knew had some sort of ‘fancy’ for someone in the Apple family. In everyone else’s defense, the Apple family line was long and convoluted and they were related to practically everyone. Even Pinkie Pie.

Or at least she thinks, she was still kinda unsure about that.

Twilight congratulated her and wished it to last longer than the last guy she fell for. She meant it with good intent and Rarity knew that, which is why she gave Twilight a pass. Sunset gave her a good luck, as if Applejack would allow Rarity, of all people, to date her cousin.

“And what does that mean?” Rarity questioned at her; the way Rarity would question the sales representative if their ‘seasonal’ line was really seasonal.

“It’s just that Applejack is very protective of her family and wouldn’t think twice of cutting all ties with you if you make a move on her cousin. Especially since you do have a reputation of breaking hearts.”

“Well yes I am very attractive, so it is unfortunate that people fall for me to easily –”

“I think it’s fair to say it goes both ways –”

“– so it is a shame that I had to let too many people go because of it. But I am both pretty and in love, and neither a sin and I think Applejack wouldn’t mind the idea of me and Braeburn as an item.”

And if the sound of one Applejack’s chord snapping off her tuning peg was any indicator that Rarity was wrong, then her flaring nostrils and sudden rise from her seat was a definite red flag.

“I’ll jerk a knot in your tail before you can even think of fadoodling with Braeburn,” her finger pointing right at Rarity.

The whole practice room was still, half worried what may transpire and the other half (that half being Rainbow Dash and Sunset) anticipating what will transpire.

Rarity lowered Applejack’s finger trying to calm down her friend, “I understand your shocked, I was too. I mean, I never would’ve thought much of any Apple, but Darling Braeburn is anything but.”

“Y’all exchanged no more the ten words. Fifteen at most.”

“And yet they rang in my head all night.” Rarity's dreamy state that contrasting the fuming state beside her was almost comical.

“Y’all must got one oar in the water if y’all think there’s any chance y’all can get with Brae.”

“But Applejack,” Rarity was really trying her best here, bless her soul, “I can’t help if I’m in love.” And truly, bless her soul because if anything that made things worse.

“Love? Y’all hate everything about our family traditions and country manners and Breaburn ain’t no different from us Apples. List one thing y’all can tell me about him that’s different than me.”

Counting on her fingers as she spoke, Rarity gushed over her crush, “His eyes are such a warm green, looking at them feels as if I’m being comforted. He’s strong like a man but carefree as a child. Oh, and he has this cute little accent –”

“– I have the exact same accent and I know for a fact you’ve implied more than once it wasn’t to y’all liking.”

“What did he say when he finished eating? I think it was ‘full as a tick’? Anyways, it was cute the way he said it. The way he says anything, really.”

“What’s the difference between his and my accent?”

Rarity shrugged, “I don’t know, he just has this charm in the way he enunciates his words.”

Dash took this moment to add her two cents and hollered in, “It’s ‘cause she thinks he's hot.” Applejack did not like her two cents.

“Darling, I’m not the only one who had a thing for one of your family members, I mean ask everyone here. Take Rainbow Dash for example, she went out with Happy Trails for lunch once – it was a one-time fling but still they went out.”

Rarity ignored the glaring at the mention friend from Applejack and continued, “I’m pretty sure Sunset charmed Apple Split for something but it was back when she was evil so I’m not too sure if it’s fair to hold her against it.”

“In my defense, I don’t even remember doing this and I probably wouldn’t do it ever again given who I am now.”

“And gosh, who was it that had a thing with Red Delicious?” No one had a thing for Red Delicious, in fact Rarity didn’t even know if that was one of her cousins but by the way Applejack cut her off, she guessed right.

Taking a deep breath, Applejack asked her friends between her teeth, “Is there anyone else in the room who has had a thing for my family.”

And after a few moments of silence where Applejack almost collected herself, Fluttershy whimpered as if she was too scared to speak up but too scared to keep it in.

“I did have the tiniest crush on Big Mac in third grade.” It was always the quiet ones. You can never trust the quiet ones.

“Since third grade,” Dash not-so-subtly subtly added.

Groaning out of both frustration and desperation, Rarity placed her hand on Applejack’s shoulder, trying to comfort her, “It’s no one’s fault that your family is both massive and attractive, you just have a good gene pool, Darling.”

Shaking off the hand, Applejack angerly left the room before warning everyone, “Ain’t no one putting them moves with no Apple Family and that is final.”

“Even me?” Pinkie was surprisingly quiet throughout the whole confrontation, but maybe that was because for the most part she was trying to swallow the whole pack marshmallows in one go.

“Even Pinkie and I’m looking at you Sunset.”

Sunset confused for a moment, thought about it, and nodded as if she understood where her friend was coming from. When Applejack was gone and the atmosphere settled a bit, Twilight finally spoke up.

“So, are we going to get an explanation on the whole Pinkie thing Sunset or?”

They did not.

One of the things Rarity was well known for was her ability to do the impossible, to go above and beyond what people expect and still deliver every time. This applied to now as well, except ‘going beyond what people expected’ would be going against Applejack’s wishes – her best friend, mind you. The delivery would be her having the most adorable relationship with Braeburn, an ‘it’ couple if you will.

Rarity is also well known for her eye for detail and planning elaborate designs while using the resources she has. The resources being Sunset.

Sunset was her resource.

Dash, on the other hand, was like the idea that sounded good at the time, but you're now keeping in the back of your mind just in case you can use some aspect of it in the future.

Rarity paced back and forth in front of her two friends, demanding both respect and authority, but most importantly their cooperation. She knew why she gathered them here. They knew why she gathered them here. She knew they knew why she gathered them here. And they knew she knew that they knew why she gathered them here.

“No.” Sunset’s refusal was predictable, she wouldn’t go out of her way to trick her friends, at least not anymore. Dash, on the other hand, was more than willing to pull one over Applejack anytime, star-crossed lovers involved or not.

“I understand where your coming from,” Rarity said, “but I need you Sunset. No one can rival your clever wit and the way you just know how to get what you want. Without you I may never see the one person I love so dearly.”

“You literally met him two days ago,” Sunset said, “give this a month, two tops, and you’ll be over it. Besides, we should respect Applejack’s wishes it’s the right thing to do.”

“And the boring thing,” Dash really had no control of what she says. Or maybe she does, and she just doesn’t want to control her impulses. “There’s nothing wrong with dating your friend’s cousin, I mean Applejack has no right to say who can date and who can’t. Rarity and Braeburn are both old enough to think for themselves.”

Rarity knew she called on Dash for a reason, “Darling what’s more wrong: taking away someone’s right of choice and freewill or going against your friend once?”

And there was some truth to what the point they were making, that Sunset knew. It was unfair and overbearing of Applejack to restrict and govern over who and what relationships can her family – including her distant ones – can have. And in technicality Applejack has no right to do this, but does that make her wishes any less valid? That’s the predicament.

A predicament that Sunset quickly got over when she remembered what Applejack said to her two weeks ago, in which she agreed to help Rarity. The enemy of her enemy is her friend.

“Splendid,” Rarity clapped, “now about that plan, I was thinking we wear silk….”

And as the three carefully plotted a heist to get Rarity and Braeburn close, Twilight and Pinkie were faced with their own problems. Problems in this case meaning Applejack in the manner that has been common in this whole debacle.

Pinkie, who was already well aware of the colour scheme of zebras as well as their diet plan, was further describing their shedding methods before having their conversation disrupted with Applejack’s hard-hitting questions.

“And I want your honest opinion,” she prefaced before asking, “do you think I’m taking this too far Pinkie?”

“Absoulot-ta-tootie.”

Three blinks between the two passed before Applejack directly turned to face Twilight, asking the same exact question.

“Considering your reaction to Pinkie’s answer, I’m going to say no.”

“Thank you,” Applejack put her arm around Twilight’s shoulder, “and here I thought I was bein’ too overbearin’. It’s not that I don’t want Rarity and Braeburn to be together because I have somethin’ against them, its ‘cus I know for a fact that it would be more bad than good.”

Twilight squirmed her way out of Applejack’s rock-hard grasp, “Actually, if your thinking of the opportunity cost of not allowing the ones closest to you to experience love is that at least they won’t get emotionally hurt which in turn will allow them to grow as people is worth it then sure?”

“It’s a playground crush Twi, not a medieval play.”

“I agree with Twilight,” Pinkie said, “it’s better to love and lost than not love at all. Like this one time when I was three I had this crush on a classmate who broke half of their blue crayon – the really expensive ones – and gave the other half to me because I lost mine, except I was sitting on it and I just didn’t know it. And then we dated for four full days until I saw him sharing his crayons with another girl and it was the saddest day in kindergarten ever, until I became friends with the other girl and we were all friends again, so not too sad but still kinda sad.”

“What Pinkie means to say is that while it is admirable that you care for your family immensely, you’re actually restricting them from growing as people and that even if they do get hurt, which they may inevitably do, they have you to help them through those times.”

Applejack pursed her lips, tapping her foot, thinking it all over. She made the mistake of approaching the smartest of them and the surprisingly insightful one of the group. Or maybe not so much as a mistake. Because as much as Applejack can see their point, the one thing holding her back was her stubbornness. And while the smart idea would be to give in, Applejack was not the smartest one in the group; that would be Twilight.

“And by golly gosh y’all believed I rangled that buffalo in thirty seconds flat.” Though Rarity didn’t know much about how to rope a buffalo, she did have an inching suspicion that Braeburn could be exaggerating the story. However, every great relationship is built on honesty, so she chose to trust him. And with the tone built he had, the story couldn’t be too far off.

“That was just a wonderful story,” Rarity waved her hand down, “very heroic, very inciting.”

Scratching the back of his head with one hand, he hid his lower face with his hat, “I wasn’t all that, any person raised under the Appaloosa sun could’ve done something similar.”

“There’s no need to be so humble, here’s no Appaloosa and let me tell you Darling, the only people who could’ve pulled something like that off here is your cousins. Maybe.”

“Speaking of Applejack, where is that lass?” Rarity shrugged her shoulders, as she tried to maneuver the conversation else where. And though she was enjoying her time – there was no doubt in that – she had this nagging feeling deep down. And maybe she felt like this because she was with him, or maybe it was most likely because she knew she was sneaking behind her friend’s back. A friend who trusts her. In reality, she knew where Applejack was – but what Braeburn didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

And what he didn’t know was that Applejack was in the middle of solving a very important friendship problem between Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash. A very complicated one. A very delicate situation. A situation she never saw coming. Which granted was because Dash and Sunset made this problem up about half an hour ago.

You see, Sunset felt like she puts all the effort in their relationship. She has to plan everything, she has to execute everything, she has initiate conversations and interactions. She feels used and that their friendship doesn’t mean as much to Dash. Dash, on the other hand, feels like she’s taking this out of proportion. Sure, there has been a few times she had to bail, or has left her on read, but to be very honest Dash has been extremely busy with clubs and practice that she either doesn’t have the proper energy to engage.

So, they needed her honest opinion on their situation. And they sure got it. When they planned this, they thought this whole shenanigan could last around twenty minutes max, but here they were still standing in front of the mall’s water fountain as Applejack continued to give her insight of the topic. Sunset hoped that Rarity was using good use of her time and Dash hoped that this conversation would end soon because her feet were sore from standing.

“And sure, it’s great and all to be apart of all these clubs but y’all need to prioritize what is important to you. And Sunset, y’all have to take a step back and look at things through Dash’s eyes, y’all would be overwhelm if you were in the same situation.” Which was the same point she was making; except she was doing it in the same way Dash would when she would try to increase the word count for her essays.

“Wow, that was so insightful,” Sunset said, “thank you so much, we don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“I mean you could’ve shortened it up by like forty minutes.”

Applejack shook her head, “Oh, I’m not the insightful one, that’s Pinkie.”

“Well, we should get going and, you know, repair our friendship with all that knowledge you gave us.” Leading Dash, Sunset turned to leave before Applejack stopped them for a moment.

“Wait, have y’all seen Rarity anywhere?” Shaking their heads in a synchronized matter, Applejack’s ‘Appel Senses’ tingled. Very different from Pinkie’s ‘Pinkie Senses’ but very similar as well. “Y’all know somethin’ don’t ya?”

“No, not at all.”

“I don’t even know who Rarity is. Like Rara who? Beats me.”

“Well now I know somethin’ is off,” Applejack rolled her sleeves, walking straight through the two, “and I think I know just where she is.”

Crossing her arms, Sunset mocked her friend when Applejack was out of sight, “Rara who? Really?”

“I was under a lot of pressure, okay? It’s not like you did anything better.”

“I was the driving force to this scheme, and you can’t deny that.”

“Um, if I can deny the scientific explanation of zebra’s being black and white, I think I can deny anything.”

Applejack did know where to find Rarity, where being in the barn house. And how impudent of her to directly go against her wishes and sully the barn with her flirtatious actions. After all they’ve been through, the blatant disrespect and audacity to –

About to swing the door open, Applejack’s hand froze as she heard the hearty laugh of Braeburn seep through. Full and lively, like Braeburn himself. Followed by one by Rarity, not one of her ‘upper-class’ type giggles, but the type of laugh she does when she closes her eyes and throws her head back.

And slowly, as the barn door creaked open, she watched as the two were scooted close, Rarity looking at Braeburn like an old polaroid picture from childhood – Braeburn not able to look at her at all, as if he did, she may disappear completely. And in that moment, Applejack didn’t seem to mind the idea of them two all too much.

“Actually,” Rarity jolted up, Braeburn following suit, “I just remember I have to be somewhere.”

“If y’all want, I can drop you off?”

“Oh, no that’s fine. I should leave alone.”

“Uh-oh,” Braeburn plumped back down on the bench they were previously sitting on, “I may not be from around here, but even I know that ain’t a good sign. Was it my teeth? I know they’re not the straightest set –”

“It’s not the teeth, I barely noticed them. It’s,” Rarity paused before continuing, “I’m being a bad friend – no, a bad person right now. And a bad person like me doesn’t deserve someone as wholesome as you.”

“No, you’re an absolute angel,” Braeburn stood back up, taking her hand, “I can’t possibly think of you as something else.”

“My apologies, but if it’s any consolation I had a wonderful time with you and though it may be impossible, I would love to spend another afternoon with you.”

Applejack heard enough, “I don’t think it’s too impossible.”

Turning around to face her friend, Rarity covered her mouth with her hand, gasping, “It’s not what it looks like Applejack. Well, maybe it is, but I was going to leave, believe me.”

“Oh, I believe you alright,” Applejack placed one hand on her hip and wiggled a finger between Rarity and her cousin, “it looks like my best friend and best cousin just might be a match made in haven.”

Taking her time to properly process what Applejack meant, her face slowly light up before running into her friend with her arms wide open.

Braeburn, confused addressed the elephant in the room, “Uh, what exactly is happening?”

“Oh, you don’t know how happy I am right now,” Rarity voice muffled between the two of them.

“Going off how tight your holding, I think I have an idea.” Apologizing, Rarity straighten her friend’s shirt as she let go.

“I am so sorry for going behind your back and – what was the word you use, faduddling? – that’s beside the point, but what I did was very wrong of me and I promise I won’t even look at his direction if you don’t want me too.”

“Y’all don’t have to do that,” Applejack reassured her, “I was also at fault. I was too stubborn to see the whole picture and too focused on the bad that I couldn’t see the good. So, go on and look all you want.”

“Oh thank goodness, because he is good looking.”

“I heard it’s in our genes.”

“That’s all dandy, but I still don’t know what’s happening?” Turning around, Rarity smile grew two times bigger before she waltzed towards him.

“I’ll tell you what’s happening, this Wednesday night a certain cowboy is going to take a lovely lass out for the night.”

Nodding, Braeburn then said, “The cowboy being me and the lass, being you?” Rarity nodded and Braeburn smiled right back, “well that makes me happier than ol’ Blue layin’ on a porch chewin’ on a big ol’ catfish head.”

“Translation,” Rarity turned to her friend.

Applejack shook her head, “Don’t look at me, even I don’t know what that means.” Wearing a look of confusion, Applejack teased, “he’s all yours, so good luck ‘cus y’all need it.”

“For your information,” Braeburn said, “she called me a real catch when you weren’t here.”

He was, for Rarity he truly was. And with an arm wrapped around her, she enjoyed some butternut squash and apple soup with her lovely new boyfriend and her precious best friend.

Author's Note

Take a shot every time "(Rainbow) Dash, one the other hand....." appears. But like only if you're of the legal age, don't want to be an accomplice to any crime thank you very much.