Calcaneus

by FrereDeMaSoeur

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara, Death, Anthro, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7564

Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo participate in an EMT class.

Looking for satisfaction out of life, our fillies embark on a long and fruitful career in emergency medicine. Well, if they pass class, of course. (The writing of this story is of low quality.)

Published 2020-07-02 14:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-02 14:40:00 UTC

Chapter 1 - That’s A Promise

The air was tranquil in Scootaloo's room, as it should be. The time was only 5:19 in the morning, thus Celestia’s sun was just beginning to crest over the horizon, marking the first day of summer. Any typical teenager in Scootaloo’s peer group would be asleep at such an hour, soaking in the extra sleep awarded to them from no longer having to contend with school. Well, until the next 2 and a half months went by, anyway.

But Scootaloo was no typical teenager. She was a young mare who longed to make a difference in her community. Not content with simply clearing away litter and donating blood (though she still partook in these events), she decided to volunteer as an EMT with the Ponyville Community Ambulance Association. All was well until she was informed to volunteer as an EMT, you must be certified to be an EMT. This didn’t deter Scootaloo. She was committed to becoming an EMT. Fortunately for her, the PCAA offered an educational program, at the end of which, you’d be eligible to take the National Registry test to become a certified EMT. Needless to say, she was enrolled by the end of the day.

Presently, the clock had turned to 5:20. Scootaloo knew this, as she had been staring at the time since it had read 5:17. In just one more minute, it would be time to rise out of bed and prepare for her first day of EMT school. She wasn’t nervous, Scootaloo didn’t know the meaning of the word. But, she still hoped she would get along with the rest of the class, the rest of the class being the one other student that had signed up. The identity of which she hadn’t been able to ascertain. But she wasn’t nervous about it. She was ready. Not that that mattered anymore as the time rolled over to 5:21 and her alarm clock basked her in her chosen song.

Big booty bitches and anime titties, yeah!

As tempted as Scoots was to let this play out, she knew she had to get a move on. Hopping out of bed she scanned her room, making sure she had everything necessary laid out.

Bookbag. Check.
All necessary supplies in the bookbag. Check.
Pill planner. Check.
Cute EMT student outfit. Double check.
Wait, is that a stain on the work pants? Yeah. I know its dog drool but it looks like cum, and I can't have the other student or the didact think me a slut. Better get a different pair. Check.
Sweet, now I’ll just go eat some breakfast, get a shower, and come right back here and get ready. Bitchin’!

Scootaloo has it all figured out, she’s already stuffing her face with bran flakes. What a Chad! Across town, however, our other future EMT was having a rough go of it.

An alarm clock was blaring, but to everyone’s disappointment, it was a simple screechy beeping. Annoying as shit. Almost equally annoying was the Filthy stallion barking at her.

“Get up now, Diamond!” Filthy Rich barked (like I said).

The lump of blanket moaned at him.

“Nooooo….daddy don’t make me get out of bed. I don’t want to be an EMT. EMT’s are gay. And I’m not gay, soooooooo….” Diamond Tiara moaned.

Filthy couldn’t help but scoff at this.

“Is that why I caught you thumbing through the swimsuit catalog with a hand down your pa--”

The lump of blankets exploded, revealing that Diamond Tiara had been hiding underneath! Any hope of sleep dashed as her sympathetic nervous system sent signals to her adrenal glands to secrete epinephrine and norepinephrine to trigger her fight-or-flight response, but she hadn’t learned about that yet, so all she was aware of was that her heart was beating fast and she felt prepared to fight a bear.

“Don’t bring that up! It was a fluke!” Diamond bellowed, and now blushing went on to say, ”I’m also embarrassed. So stop.”

“I don’t care about your feelings. All I care about is getting you to your class on time, which starts in,” Filthy looked at his daughter’s pretty pink alarm clock, still screaming out for attention, ”thirty-five minutes! Now listen, I have to drop you off before heading to the store, so get your ass moving!”

Diamond knew she had to do as her father told her. Plus it had been her idea to go to EMT class, well, before she figured out it started at six in the morning. Should’ve paid closer attention to the paperwork!

“Ugghh! Fine!”

Diamond rolled out of bed, she nearly fell on her face, but didn’t. Now standing on her own two legs and coming down from her adrenaline high, all she could think was:

Damnit, I’m such an idiot and daddy is such a cuck. No wonder mother doesn’t love him.

Now, for a second I considered describing these two lovely teens getting ready for school, then realized that’s stupid. In general they ate breakfast, got into uniform, and got to the ambulance station at exactly the same time. This is unfair, though, since Scooty had to scoot there and Diamond got a cushy car ride. Goddamned 1%ers. Needless to say, neither of them were a happy camper.

“What are you doing here, you flightless bitch?” Diamond spat out at her assailant who was innocently locking up her scooter. In truth, she recognized the uniform, and knew damn well why this hot chick was here.

Filthy, who was just getting ready to drive off, was now overtaken with a sense of righteous indignation.

“Diamond! You know better than to insult a cripple, she has it bad enough.”

Scoots was having none of this.

“Hold the fuck up, I’m not a cripple! I can move just fine, and can do my own landscaping, can you say the same, SIR?” Scootaloo shot at her ‘ally.’

Filthy was taken aback. He had done the right thing, right? Or not? Based on this diasbled filly’s hurtful words and snarling expression, he guessed not. Best to dip outta there.

“I’ll just see myself out.” Filthy said, mostly to himself. He slapped the car into gear and was off.

Scootaloo watched him turn around the corner. When sure he could no longer see them, she snapped her attention to the female in front of her.

“And listen here you little fatass. Iif you ever say some shit like that again to me,” Scoots snarled, violently poking her forefinger onto Diamond’s chest, “hehe. Lets just say you'll be glad there are EMT's nearby.”

Diamond, despite her impassive expression, was just about pissing herself. No way could she take Scootaloo on one on one, she had to remember there's no teachers keeping her safe from harm here.

Turns out that was incorrect.

“Ahem.” Came the voice of a stallion, clearing his throat.

The two young mares looked up the stairs to the entrance of the station, where a haggard, grey-maned Earth stallion stood, arms crossed. With the lights from the station shining behind his dark green complexion, he looked not unlike an angel.

“I’m not gonna have a problem with you two in class, will I?”

Diamond put on her best puppy-dog face.

“But I wasn’t doing anything. This filly just started bullying me. Honest!” Diamond lied.

The stallion nodded.

“Ok ok. So now if you're done bullshitting me we have to get inside and get started.” He said, turning back into the building, but pausing, and facing the pair once more, “Oh, and I heard everything. I can tell you two know and hate each other. That’s just fine, ha ha…” He turned and stepped inside the station. “By the time we’re done here, you two will be in love, ha ha..

That’s a promise.”

Author's Note

Pretty sweet, huh?

Chapter 2 - I HATE YOU, SCOOTALOO!

Well that was quite strange. Both Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara thought at the same time, though both would deny having the same musing.

With not much else to do, the pair of lesbians (Wait. Shit. That’s a spoiler) made their way up the stairs of the PCAA station. Both were moving at about the same speed, so naturally they’d reach the door in just a few seconds. Someone would have to yield to the other and let them through first. The females weren’t mongoloid idiots, they realized this, somepony would have to take the initiative.

“Me first!” Diamond called out as she sprinted through the threshold. Secure in the idea that she should add insult to injury, she halted and spun around as Scootaloo crossed into the station. Putting her hands on her hips and shaking her pelvis all about, Diamond stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry.

Scoots smirked at this young mare acting a fool. What a bitch.

“Wow Diamond, I’m impressed. I’ve never seen you move so fast in my life. Are you winded? That was quite a distance.”

Diamond sucked her tongue back in.

“No.” Diamond huffed out, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Sure.” Scootaloo responded, making her way past Diamond. She didn’t make it very far.

“You two are going to be so cute together.” Came the voice of the stallion from the porch, who was once again looming over the situation, now from his new position in the middle of the halfway.

Scootaloo must be tired or something because this guy keeps saying such weird shit to her. She must have misheard him.

“Did you just say that me and this trashy Dodo are gonna be so cute together?” Diamond questioned as she walked up beside Scootaloo. But like not too close beside her, just close enough to take in the scent of her cleanliness. Is that a hint of watermelon, I smell?

So Scoots hadn’t heard the dude wrong, that is unless she and this fucking useless spoiled bitch cuntface were having some kind of shared psychotic episode. But that’s unlikely.

“No, I said welcome to the Ponyville Community Ambulance Association. I will be your teacher for the EMT training. You may address me as Chief Calcaneus, that’s what everypony here calls me. I will not coddle you, this class will be difficult, but I trust you realize this since you willingly signed up for the accelerated summer class. I will teach you everything you need to know. Any questions?” Came Chief Caduceus’ reply.

“Yes, just one.” DIamond spoke up. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Because that is most definitely not what you said.”

Chief Calcaneus nodded.

“It is what I said. Now follow me.”

The commanding stallion turned on his heel and led the way down the hall. His students knew better than to just stand around, so they obediently followed him in relative silence. That is until Scootaloo spoke up.

“I heard it, too.”

Diamond raised her nose at Scootaloo.

“I don’t need you to tell me what I already know, you--”

“Here is the common room where you may kick your feet up between calls. That is if you can cut it in my class and get hired.” Chief Calcaneus announced from ahead of them, walking into a wide room with couches lining the three walls that didn’t have a TV on them. Cuddled up on the couch opposite from the TV was a mass of white and black that turned out to be a pair of young pegasi stallions. It was clear they were much more interested in each other than the bloody action movie playing on the screen up until the Chief walked in. The stallion, who made up the black half of the mass, greeted his Chief.

“Hiya, Chief Calcaneus! Long time no see, what are you doing on this side of the Great Expanse?”

Scootaloo and Diamond finally caught up with Chief Calcaneus. The rather homoromantic vibe in the room surprising them, somewhat. Still a bit uncomfortable, they leaned on opposite sides of the doorway.

“Oooh, I see! You’re holding another class! These two will look even cuter together than us, babe!” The black stallion exclaimed, turning to his white lover.

“Oh, yeah. Shore thing that is.” The white lover replied. “They’ll be the talk of the town once they consummate their relationship.”

The black stallion’s mouth widened in a shocked expression. But that was no match for how hard the jaws of Scooty and Diamond hit the floor.

“Don’t say such dirty things!” The black stallion ordered.

“Well, they’re gonna frick sooner or later. It’s just the natural order of things.” The white lover shrugged.

“What the hell is going on? Why do you all keep saying we’re gonna get together?” Scootaloo asked. She is so wound up, like a goddamned clock, this one.

The black stallion gave her a sly look.

“Oh, well you see--”

A screeching alarm began blaring loudly, so loud, in fact, that it caused Diamond to drop the cookie she was clandestinely attempting to munch on.

“Existence is pain.” Diamond said to herself just as the cookie hit the floor. She kept her eyes on it for a moment before losing interest. She turned her gaze to the black stallion and the white lover, both of which were now standing.

“Says that Cranky woke up with some severe chest pain. Looks like ALS has already been called upon, so we’ll probably get there at the same time. Let’s do this.” The black stallion declared, looking at his phone. The white lover gave a thumbs-up and went for a high-five with his coltfriend that was met with a strong response.

The stallions swiftly gathered their personal effects and rushed out of the common room, slapping a button on the wall that silenced the alarm. This leaves just the Chief and his students once more. Scootaloo and Diamond shared a confused look that said more than “what the fuck is going on” ever would.

“They are a couple of cards, aren’t they? Well, daylight is burning, let’s get to it.” Chief Calcaneus announced, gesturing out of the room.

With that, they entered the hallway as Chief Calcaneus led the way once more. An engine could be heard roaring to life and shortly thereafter a series of loud sirens was heard. And they tried to tell me being gay made you useless. Anyway, the gaggle came to another large room, this one decked out with a conference table that was flanked by no less than exactly 14 chairs. The far wall was lit up with a grainy projected image of a black and white photo of a stallion with a dark coat who looked like his face had been blown off. Just below this read the words:

WELCOME TO EMT CLASS, SCOOTALOO AND/OR DAIMOND TARA.

Scootaloo bellowed out a hearty laugh.

“Ohh Daimond Tara, my darling!” Scoot was losing her shit. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I’m gonna pee!” She fell to the floor, curling up in the fetal position, still convulsing with laughter.

“What is the problem?” Chief Calcaneus inquired, clearly confused as to why his student was on the floor, sqeeing.

“You spelled my name wrong!” Daimond Tara cried. “It’s Diamond Tiara not whatever you put! I honestly have no idea how you could fuck it up that bad!”

“Oh.” Chief Calcaneus said, looking around. “I don’t see anyone else around but us three, but you weren’t talking to Scootaloo, so there’s just me left. But I KNOW you weren’t just speaking to me like that. You will respect and address me as ‘sir’.” He leaned toward her and scowled.

Diamond shrunk back.

“I-I-umm-I’m sorry for disrespecting you...um sir.”

Chief Calcaneus leaned back and smiled.

“Good girl.”

By now Scootaloo had regained her shit. She considered making fun of Diamond, then reconsidered and just decided to stand up.

“Hey, Chief Calcaneus, sir, could you please email me a copy of this slide? I want to print it out and put it on my wall.” Scootaloo related.

“Sure thing, Scootaloo.”

“Thank you. Now what’s up with that photo? Is that from an old movie?” Scootaloo asked.

Diamond was also curious.

“Yeah, it looks kind of like the early practical effects they used in movies from the ‘60s.”

Chief Calcaneus frowned.

“No. Unless stated otherwise, everything I show you is real.” The fillies' faces went white. “This is an image from the last incident I was at. It was not a happy day.”

Scootaloo was the first to speak up.

“So it’s possible to be called to a situation like this?”

“Yes. Unlikely, or more so uncommon, but yes, It is possible.”

DIamond was speechless. How could this asshole just show her a picture like that?

“Anyway, let’s sit down and let me get to know you. Sit anywhere you like.” Chief Calcaneus told them.

Scootaloo took a seat at the middle of the table while Diamond took the head, typical. Chief Calcaneus sat across from Scootaloo.

“So, we’ll start with you, Scootaloo. What brings you here?”

“Well, I definitely want to help my community and to my part to keep people healthy. But, a big part of it is because of an incident that happened about a few weeks ago. Um, do you know Rainbow Dash?”

Chief Calcaneus nodded.

“Who doesn’t know Rainbow Dash?” He asked.

“Oh, yeah. Kinda a dumb question.” Scootaloo said, rubbing the back of her head.

“I’ll say!” Diamond Tiara piped up.

“Settle down, Diamond. Scootaloo is talking right now.” Chief Calcaneus sternly commanded.

Diamond sank into her seat

“Of, course, sir.”

“Ok,” Scootaloo started, “so I was at Sweet Apple Acres with Rainbow Dash, watching her fly around, enjoying the show but also analyzing her technique. Anyway, long story short, she came down low to the ground and clipped a wing on one of the trees in the process. She tumbled and hit the ground hard. She was in so much pain but I couldn’t do anything for her, I felt so,” she looked down and clenched her fists, “helpless.”

Chief Calcaneus gave a solemn nod.

“So you were present when Ms. Dash had her accident. It was severe from what I heard, but she’s making a stellar recovery. Ponyville General may be a small town hospital, but they have a superb trauma ward.”

Scootala-li-lu-le-loo smiled in acknowledgement.

“Thank you, sir.”

“All in a day’s work.” Chief Calcaneus grinned. “Now. Diamond. Are you going to share with us why you want to be an EMT?”

“Pass.”

“I figured as much.” Chief Calcaneus said, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll just get started with the class then. Alright, so, this EMT class is the fastest paced EMT class within 100 miles. This moves quickly. It will require a fair bit of your time and a fair bit of your energy. But, I feel it will be a good experience for you. Now the goal of today is for me to introduce the program and your obligations. After that we will open up the textbook and go over the first couple of chapters. You both brought your textbooks, correct?”

Scootaloo nodded and withdrew her textbook from her bag. At the end of the table Diamond did the same. Chief Calcaneus beamed and clapped his hands.

“We’re already off to a great start, well, if we don’t count basically everything that came before this.” Chief Calcaneus stood up and made his way over to the projector screen. “So, first things first, how you will be graded.” He tapped the screen and a grade break-down came up.

Ok, gamers. I’m not going to subject you to the first day lecture of an EMT class. Let’s just assume that our heroines stayed quiet and paid attention. Our dude Chief Calcaneus did just what he told the girls he was gonna do, which is give an overview of the class. The only interruption of note was upon the return of the black stallion and the white lover where they made kissy faces at the girls from the doorway. Now Chief Calcaneus is doing his best to explain the psychological risks of being an EMT without scaring the girls away from the profession.

“Now don’t let the 3% suicide attemt rate of EMS workers (Stanley, Hom, & Joiner, 2016 ) get you spooked. There is plenty of help out there for you, should you need it. Take it from me,” he said, pointing to himself, “killing yourself won’t solve your problems. It’s just like they say, when you commit suicide, you don’t get rid of the pain, you just give it to somepony else.”

Scootaloo looked up from the notebook she was scribbling notes in.

“So, the study also says that almost 30% of EMS workers feel that life isn’t worth living?”

“That is correct.” Chief Calcaneus responded.

Scootaloo gave an incredulous look.

“Doesn't anyone care?” She asked.

Chief Calcaneus gave a light shrug.

“It’s hard to say that they do. Counselors aren't normally provided to us and they cost a pretty bit. We are barely funded as it is so getting everyone the help they need is very difficult. Hell, just keeping the ambulances stocked is hard enough. Most of our funding comes from donations, and even those are few and far between. You two are familiar with Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, one more so than the other.” He said, pointing to Diamond, who in turn sat up a bit straighter. “The main general store of Ponyville where everyone shops. Care to guess how much the Ponyville Community Ambulance Association received from them this year?”

Now it was Scootaloo’s turn to shrug.

“Dunno...like, uh, 5-10 grand? Something like that?”

Chief Calcaneus shook his head.

“100 Bits. That much is almost used up in a standard emergency call where we transport the patient. As for how many of those we do yearly, well, the lowest number in recent memory was 1,500 calls about 20 years ago. But for the past 6 years it’s been steady at about 3,000 per year.”

Scootaloo slammed a fist onto the table.

“I knew your dad was a piece of shit!” She screamed, jutting a finger at Diamond Tiara.

Diamond jumped up from her chair.

“Don’t talk about my daddy like that, you whore!” Diamond screamed back.

Scootaloo rushed onto her feet.

“Keep talking you fu--”

“FILLIES, ENOUGH!” Chief Calcaneus snapped.

Said fillies flinched at the sudden boom that came from their teacher.

“It’s not Filthy’s fault that we are poor here, and fighting with each other isn’t going to solve anything. Nopony donates to us. Nopony cares about us. The check we get from the government barely covers anything, either. And don’t even get me started on the shit insurance reimbursements.”

Scootaloo threw herself back into her chair.

“Insurance doesn't even pay?” she sneered.

“Many don’t pay the full amount charged.” Chief Calcaneus answered.

Diamond eased back into her seat.

“How does that work? How do they get away with that?”

Chief Calcaneus laughed.

“You’d be surprised what insurance companies could get away with. But that is a discussion for a different day.” He took a look at the wall clock. “12:30. What do you say we end today early? You two can go home and eat lunch. Just take it easy for the rest of the day. You ready?”

“Sure.” Diamond and Scootaloo said at the same time.

Chief Calcaneus smiled.

“See? Your minds are already in sync. You'll do good yet!”

“Pshh!” Scootaloo and Diamond verbalized at the same time.

“Very cute.”

Diamond and Scoots looked like they wanted to respond, but were so afraid of having another moment that they kept quiet as they gathered their things. Diamond slipped her books and schoolwork into her bag. She raised her gaze to Scootaloo, who was now gently putting her textbook and related papers into her knapsack. One day.

Scoots zipped up her bag and turned, catching Diamond looking at her. She thought about calling her a skunk pussy, but didn’t, so as not to be offensive. So she did the only thing she could do.

Scootaloo winked.

Diamond felt a slam in her chest as her cheeks heated up. She hid her face.

Looking at this, Scootaloo was quite flummoxed. Why is Diamond reacting in such a way? Like an anime girl with a crush on the main character...wait. Scoots took a look at the shrinking Diamond, who was still avoiding eye contact.

Oh shit. Scootaloo thought to herself. Does she have a thing for me?

She figured she probably did. I mean who could blame her?

Scoots felt a devilish grin pull itself onto her face.

I’m gonna fuck with her so hard.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and began to make her way to the door. Despite the bag having two straps, she only used one.

“Have a nice afternoon, everypony. Bye, Chief Calcaneus.” she said with a wave from the door, which he promptly returned. “Oh, and…” She cooed at Diamond, who had recovered and was now no longer afraid of eye contact. “Byye, Miss Tiara.” and with a seductive wave of her hips, she was off. She didn’t stick around to see what had happened, but by god she heard it.

“I HATE YOU, SCOOTALOO!”

Author's Note

Diamond is so in love! Also, I didn't pull the 100 bit number out of my ass. The Ambulance Association in my small town received a $100 donation from one of the main grocery stores in town. That was all they gave in a year. It made me sick to my stomach when the chief told me about it.

Chapter 3 - Lead the way

“Why is finding the brachial pulse so hard?!” Diamond exclaimed, pumping up the blood pressure cuff on Scootaloo’s bicep a little more.

“Stop pumping it up so much! You know damn well my blood pressure isn’t 220!” Scootaloo said, trying to flex her arm beneath the cuff. “And, hurry up. I can barely feel my arm.”

“Just let me work in peace.” Diamond sighed.

“By all means, be my guest!” Scootaloo spat back, reclining in her chair. “Why don’t you take my arm, too? I think it’s just about to die, anyway.”

“That’s it!” Diamond declared. She began pumping and pumping the bulb, the little meter reaching 260 now.

“Fucking shit!” Scootaloo called out, jumping up and ripping off the blood pressure cuff. “You're a little skank, you know that? She’s a little skank, right, Chief?”

Chief Caduceus, who had been silently watching on, just looked away.

“No comment.”

“Oh, fuck you Scootaloo. It’s not like you can do much better.” Diamond declared, crossing her arms.

“A’ight, bet. Give me your arm.” Scootaloo ordered.

“By all means be my guest!” Diamond said, putting on a southern belle accent and fluttering her eyelashes.

“What an asshole.” Scootaloo conveyed, applying the blood pressure cuff to Diamond’s bicep, taking care to line up the directional arrows with the brachial artery.

With everything in order, she began to feel around the elbow crease for the brachial pulse. It took her a few tries but she managed to find it.

“Your heart is going like a jackrabbit’s, Diamond. Are you that turned on by me?” Scootaloo inquired.

Diamond seethed and scowled.

“No, I’m scared you’re gonna fuck this up like you fucked up when you dropped Chief Calcaneus last week.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

“That was the fourth day of class, fuck off. Plus, Chief Calcaneus is fine. Right, Chief?” Scootaloo said, now looking towards Chief Calcaneus.

He looked up from his phone.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. It’ll take a lot more than that to take me out. Now, I believe you were about to take Diamond’s blood pressure?”

Scootaloo nodded.

“Yes, of course, sir.”

She now turned her attention back to Diamond. The palpable pulse had slowed down somewhat, but was still a bit too fast. Whatever. Scootaloo placed the stethoscope ear pieces into her ears and placed the diaphragm onto the spot the brachial pulse could be felt at. She commenced pumping up the blood pressure cuff. She could hear the pulse faintly as she passed the 90 mark and heard a loud pulse drop at around 130. She pumped it up to 140 and let the air slowly leak out. She heard the pulse starting at 133, and let more and more air out until the pulse faded out at 91.

“Ok, Diamond the results are in. Your blood pressure is 133/91. You have Hypotension!” Scooty declared.

“You mean hypertension, dimwit. Hypotension is when the blood pressure is low.” Diamond informed, a shit eating grin plastered on her face.

“Diamond’s right, Scootaloo. Remember that the prefix ‘hyper’ means more or excessive and that the prefix ‘hypo’ means under or below normal. Keep in mind what hypothermia means for your body, it means you are much too cold."

Scootaloo gave a thumbs-up.

"Got it, Chief."

Chief Calcaneus gave a reciprocal thumbs-up.

"Good. Now, Scootaloo. Why might Diamond Tiara have a higher blood pressure than normal?"

"Well," Scootaloo started, "if it isn't that she's smitten with me, then it's these chichos she's carrying around."

Scootaloo swiftly leaned over to Diamond and lightly pinched one of her side fat rolls.

Diamond violently slapped Scootaloo’s hand away and pulled her knees to her chest.

“Don’t touch me, homo!”

Scootaloo sneered, now leaning back in her chair.
“You think I was fondling you for my amusement?”

Chief Calcaneus rose from his seat.

“Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and stop you right there. Let’s just keep our hands to ourselves when not practicing skills. That should keep us safe and sane.”

Diamond dropped her feet to the floor.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Scooty took notice of Diamond’s face. Her disgusting, fat, oily, cute face.

“R U Blushing Question Mark Question Mark Question Mark???”

Diamond furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms. No. She would not let Scootaloo win this round.

“Yes, I am. Because I am very self conscious of my weight.” She said, now turning her head away and closing her eyes. “There, I said it. Are you happy?” Wait, did she want to be honest with her? I guess it’s too late now.

The air left Scootaloo’s lungs rapidly. Was Diamond being forthcoming about how she felt about herself? And those feelings were...negative?

“Hey, I mean if that’s something you really feel bad about, and wanna change then I could...uh...um…” Scootaloo said trailing off.

Diamond opened an eye, taking in the sight of a flustered Scootaloo.

“Were...were you,” she started, “going to offer some kind of solution?”

Scootaloo stopped looking anywhere but at Diamond.

“Yeah, I was gonna offer to exercise with you. And also help you manage your diet.”

Diamond turned her head to face Scootaloo. With both eyes open, she met her gaze. What a turn of events. This bitch insults her fatness, then offers to help her get rid of it. Would she really help? Is this something Diamond would even want?

“Ok.”

“Ok…?”

“Ok. I'll accept your offer. I’ll let you help me.”

“Ok.”

The fillies had maintained eye contact for a total of 11.31 seconds, a personal record. But it was getting a bit too gay now, so they broke it off and turned their attention to the front of the room. There stood their teacher, giving off the impression he was very pleased with himself.

“Class dismissed.”

Scootaloo and Diamond both checked the time, Scootaloo on the wall clock and Diamond on her cell phone. They both spoke at once.

“But it’s only 13:25.”
“But it’s only 1:25”

Chief Calcaneus gave a nod in response.

“I know we’ve been going to at least 3, or should I say 15:00, since last week. But, that’s all I had in mind for today, anyway. Get an early start on the weekend.” He said with a smile. “It looks like you’ll need it. Enjoy the next three days, then show up here on monday at 0600, we’ll be doing CPR. That’s all I have for you. Skedaddle along now.”

“Yes, sir.” His student’s said in unison.

They packed their bags and skedaddled the fuck outta there. Now on the porch, Diamond pulled her phone out of her pocket and began tapping away.

“What are you doing?” Scootaloo asked.

“Just gonna call my mom for a ride.”

Scootaloo looked away.

“I mean. We could walk. It’s just like 20 minutes to your house anyway. We could talk about your fitness and diet plan on the way, as well.” Scootaloo said, looking back at Diamond, who was in turn looking at her.

“Sure, Scootaloo.

Lead the way.”

Author's Note

I'm lost in the sauce.

Chapter 4 - I wonder what’s for lunch?

“Your form is a bit off, try locking your elbows and putting your body weight into it.” Chief Calcaneus suggested.

“Yeah, Diamond. Use your weight while you have it.” Scootaloo informed.

Diamond took a moment to catch her breath, chest compressions are hard work. Ok, good. She started up compressions on the training dummy once again. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30. Ok, two breaths. Ok, back at it again. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30. Ok, two more breaths. And go. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30. Ok..ok...two more breaths. Now…

“I can’t do any more. I’m done.” Diamond admitted.

Scootaloo was having none of this.

“No. come one, Diamond. I know you have one more set in you. 30 more compressions, two more breaths, then you can take a break.”

Diamond was panting, her wrists felt tense. No way.

“Look. I just can’t, ok?”

Scootaloo was still having none of this.

“Come on! I believe in you Diamond! I’ll tell you what. You do 15 compressions, I’ll do 15, you do two breaths, then do another 15 compressions, then I’ll finish up with 15. Sound good?”

Diamond laughed a bit to herself.

“I can tell you're not gonna drop it till I say I will. So fuck it, let’s go.”

Scooty gave a big goofy clown grin. They both go in their respective positions on opposite sides of the dummy. Ok. Diamond started chest compressions. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15. She backed up and Scoots took over. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15. Scoots backed up and Diamond gave two weak breaths.

“Yeah, Diamond. Keep going!” Scootaloo cheered.

Now, reinvigorated by the encouragement, Diamond started more chest compressions. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15. Scootaloo was ready to jump in but Diamond didn’t stop. 16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26-27-28-29-30. With that, Diamond slumped over the dummy.

“Good shit!” Scootaloo yelled.

Chief Calcaneus clapped.

“Good shit indeed. Talk amongst yourselves for a moment, I need to go do something.”

With that Chief Calcaneus left the room.

“Wonder where he’s going?” Diamond wondered, resting her elbows on the dummy’s sternum.

“I’ll bet he’s going to the bathroom to beat off. That display of passion at the end must’ve made him horny. You were all like ‘I will save you 25 year old CPR dummy!’”

“Don’t make fun of me, I was in the goddamn zone. I could’ve done another three sets!” Diamond claimed.

Scootaloo wasn’t convinced.

“Pshh like hell you could.”

Diamond let out a heavy breath.

“I guess you’re not wrong. I can’t believe how tired those chest compressions made me, though.” Diamond complained.

Scootaloo shrugged her shoulders.

“We still have a long way to go before you could do 120 compressions without breaking a sweat. Ya know, like me.” She said, striking a pose with one hand on her hip and one at her chest.

“Showboat.”

“Yeah, ease off that, Scootaloo.” Chief Calcaneus stated, walking back into the room from his break. “Nopony finds that attractive.”

“I do!” Diamond blurted out, now with an awkward smile plastered on her face.

Scootaloo sighed.

“I guess that makes a lot of sense. You did spend more time asking me about my athletic achievements than actually working out this past weekend.” Scoots was now rubbing her chin.

Diamond, now desperate to change the subject, wracked her brain for a topic.

“Oh, uh. Chief Calcaneus, you were gonna tell us about insurance and paying for ambulances and all that, right?” Diamond pleaded.

“I guess I could do that.” Caduceus said, giving Diamond a knowing glance. He made his way over to the table and took a load off. “So this is best described as follows. When we pick somepony up and transport them to the hospital, giving them care and whatnot, that costs 80 or so bits, normally. Now, take 10 patients as an example. To break even, if we transport all ten, we must receive 800 bits. Out of those 10 patients, 6 have no insurance and simply won’t pay us. And before you ask, no. We can’t make them pay us. We can send them letters that say ‘please give us our money’ but that’s about it. We get no help from the government for that. So the other 4 have insurance, but three have shit insurance, so we receive only about 10% of what we charge by the end. Now the last guy has really good insurance, so we get the full amount charged in their case. If we charged 80 bits for an ambulance ride, we would only receive roughly 132 bits, putting us 668 bits in the hole. Now, we don’t charge 80 bits for an ambulance ride, to make up for costs we have to charge 500 bits. So with the same situation of the same 10 patients, we would receive 700 bits, putting us a mere 100 bits in the hole. We must charge 500 bits for the ride and care, because the guy who pays it is paying for the previous two and next two patients.”

“That is such fucking bullshit! The government just doesn’t fucking care, do they?!” Scootaloo and Diamond said at once. They stood staring straight ahead. Did that just happen? They turned to each other and their eyes met. A mutual fire was felt.

“You two feel it, don’t you?” Chief Calcaneus inquired. “I feel it, too.” He tapped the table a few times. “Guess that means I’m done here, huh? Like clockwork, just as I thought it would go. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Scootaloo stood up.

“What do you mea-” She didn’t get to finish that thought, as her mind became more interested in watching her teacher go rigid and fall out of his chair.

“Oh shit oh shit oh shit.” That was all Diamond had to offer.

“Diamond, go get help!” Scootaloo commanded.

Diamond was just locked up. She couldn’t move. Scootaloo, noticing her lack of action, grabbed Diamond and forced her to her feet.

“Diamond! Go. Get. Help.” Scootaloo yelled, shaking the filly.

She just screwed her eyes shut as tears began to run.

“Scootaloo. I’m scared.” Diamond whined.

Scootaloo felt her heart bend. She had never seen Diamond so vulnerable.

“Look,” she said, gently rubbing Diamond’s shoulder, “I get that you’re scared, but Calcaneus needs us right now.”

Diamond opened her eyes and nodded.

“Ok, I’ll go get help.” she whispered, turning to the door, intent on running through it, but was stopped by what, or rather who, was standing in the doorway.

“Ya, know. If this was a real emergency, and some guy just went unresponsive and fell out of his chair. Well, he most likely would have died due to your inaction.” The black stallion informed them.

“What do you mean ‘If’ this was a real emergency, Chief Calcaneus is right there.”She said pointing towards nothing. “What?”

“Sit down, fillies.” The white lover spoke. “There is much to discuss.”

There’s a mothertrucking time skip here.

“So, just to recap, in case you weren’t listening, Chief Calcaneus Plantar founded this ambulance association in 1987, when he was just 40 years old. He left his previous profession of podiatry, being a foot doctor, to seek out his passion, which was emergency medicine. Before the PCAA was founded, Ponyville didn’t have its own dedicated EMS responders. That was why he wanted to set up shop here, in a small town where nothing bad happens.” The black stallion conveyed.

“That all changed in the winter of ‘96.” The white lover continued. “It was a normal night, fresh snow on the ground, frigid temperatures. Cal was driving the ambulance to the hospital, a cardiac arrest patient loaded in the back, two of his EMT’s in the back doing their best to keep the blood pumping. He knew he didn’t have much time, so he drove faster than he was comfortable with. He took a turn too hard. Flipped the ambulance. The chief was the only survivor. He blamed himself. Wouldn’t you? Three people are dead, two of them being employees and good friends of yours. I couldn’t imagine it.”

“He didn’t last long after that. He was in a drunken stupor for 3 days before he put the shotgun in his mouth.” the black stallion went on. “That was the picture he showed you on your first day. The stallion with his face blown off. That was Chief Calcaneus. He wanted to show you what could happen in this profession, even if it was in hindsight. He wanted you to be aware of the worst case scenario.”

Diamond’s tears hadn't stopped since before. Neither had the gentle rubs from Scootaloo, which were now located at her back.

“So you’re saying we were being taught by a dead man. Why? How?”

The stallions shared a glance. The black one responded.

“The why, I can explain. He was tied to this place both emotionally and physically, this room is actually the room where he shot himself in.” He said, gesturing around the room. This just made Diamond cry harder. Scootaloo doubled her rubs and now slung an arm over her shoulder, whispering lightly in her ear. “Calcaneus had no one to love. He died feeling alone and unloved, but oh was he wrong. So many ponies looked up to him and wanted to help him, but just never reached out. Most ponies think he had been battling depression long before the accident, but nopony knows for certain.”

White lover spoke up now.

“That’s why he does what he does. Leading classes of two so they fall in love. Nopony that has gone through this program understands how it works, just that it’s how things are. Maybe it’s fate. Maybe it’s God.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe we all came into this class already with eyes for each other. But one pair claimed to have only met at class. Whatever. Like I said, nopony knows or ever will know. We’ve all just kind of accepted it as the norm. One thing we do know is that he seems to stop teaching once the student’s fall in love.”

A collective shiver went up the fillies’ spines. Could they really be in love?

“Cal came to us just a short while ago, said he felt it was almost time, and that we’d need to explain things to you.” the white lover went on. “That’s how it works. The last pair to go through the class must explain the plight of our chief, Dr. Calcaneus Plantar.” He let out a chuckle. “I hope you like the morning shift.”

This is too much. This is too fucking much.

“That’s a lot to take in.” Scootaloo let on simply.
“I’ll bet it is.” The stallions said in unison.

Diamond let out a whimper.

“Scootaloo, I want to go home.”

Scootaloo nodded solemnly.

“As you should. I’ll get you home.” Scootaloo declared.

“No,” Diamond responded, “I’ll just have my mom come pick me up. I need some time to process this.”

“Ok, Diamond, if that’s the way you want it. Make the call.” Scootaloo said, standing up.

Diamond took out her phone and haphazardly scrolled through her contacts. While she was occupied with that, Scootaloo walked around the room a bit. Just getting the blood pumping. Just keeping active. Just keeping sane.

“Hey, Scootaloo.” Diamond said from beside her.

Scootaloo jumped a bit.

“Yes?”

“My mom is coming. Do you want a ride home?” Diamond asked.

“Oh, nah. It’s all good. I’ll ride my scooter home, you know me. I’ll help clear my head.” Scootaloo replied.

“Ok. Well, here’s your bag. I packed it up for you.” Diamond informed, handing Scootaloo her backpack.

“Thanks, Diamond.”

With that they made their way out into the hall and eventually out of the PCAA. The noon sun shined down onto them, as if trying to lift their spirits. It didn’t have much of an affect. They stood in relative silence. It was a heavy silence that neither wanted to try and lift. Just when Scootaloo felt she was capable of breaking it, Diamond spoke.

“My mom’s here.”

“So she is.”
Feeling bold, Diamond threw her arms around Scootaloo and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“I'll see you tomorrow, Scooty.”

Scootaloo smiled a smug smile. \

“So you will.”

She stood by for a moment as Diamond climbed into the car with a rather confused Spoiled Rich. That’s pretty fucking funny. The car took off at a respectable speed. Time to go home. Scootaloo got her scooter all ready to go, all the while not taking her mind off Diamond. A couple of blocks away, Diamond was in the same boat, dreaming dreamy dreams about Scootaloo.

At the same time both spoke.

“I'm in love with her,

I wonder what’s for lunch?”

Author's Note

I did it. Epilogue coming soon.