The Legend of Chicken Tenders

by Drakuse the Idiot King

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy, Profanity, Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1263

Drake needs his chicken tendies.

Drake, a human, has lost the chickens that he was going to turn into chicken tenders. He also forgot to tell Twilight he was going to find them...

Published 2020-12-04 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-04 03:20:01 UTC

Who stole my tendies?

Today was a normal day in Ponyville. Birds were singing about winter being a shitty season, flowers were booming, that is not a mistake, and Drake, a human, was looking for chickens... Maybe it wasn't quite normal...

Twilight, a purple alicorn, was re-reading the note, for the thirteenth time mind you, that Drake had left for her trying to comprehend the reasoning behind it.

Sorry Twiggy but I need to borrow Spike, I have reason to believe that he borrowed something of mine without asking so I'm sorry if it puts a crux in your plans, actually no I'm not I'm never sorry.

Sincerely Drake

P.S. Glim Glam knows about that thing you have for books.

"STARLIGHT!!!!!" Twilight yells loudly.

A loud pop is heard as a unicorn that is a lighter shade of purple than that of the purple princess.

"What is it?" Starlight asks with a yawn clearly just now awoken.

"Did you know about this?" Twilight asks shoving the note is Starlight's face.

Starlight reads the note and sighs.

"Damn it. He's throwing me under the carriage." Starlight mutters as she now wishes she hadn't said no to helping him find his chickens.

"No?" Starlight says with a strained smile.

Twilight looks unamused and continues to stare at Starlight.

"Alright, yes I did know Drake was going into town today, however I didn't know he was taking Spike with him." Starlight says.

"That's not very reassuring now what could Drake be doing that requires Spike's help? Those two don't exactly get along..."

Starlight smiles nervously but says nothing more.

Meanwhile just outside Sweet Apples Acres a human and small dragon are having an argument...

"I'm telling you Spike that is not a chicken, that is a pegasus in a chicken costume that you have tied up and gagged." The human says.

The human is wearing some black pants a black t-shirt and leather jacket. His hair is short and brown as are his eyes.

"Are you sure dude? It certainly looks like a chicken." the purple dragon, now known as Spike says in a board manner.

"Spike my dude, chickens have two legs not four, also it's clearly too big to be a chicken, and small apple and small fashion pony are hiding behind that tree over there waiting for you to give them back their friend." Drake, the human, says pointing at the two small fillies hiding behind the tree nearest to them.

Before Spike can say anything more a real chicken jumps out of the bushes to their left.

"CHICKEN!" Drake screams as he hurls himself towards the chicken only to have a yellow pegasus jump on him and leave him lying on his back.

"Oh hi Butternut do you need something?" Drake asks.

"Hey Fluttershy, can you help me explain that this is clearly a chicken?" Spike asks the pink maned pegasus.

Meanwhile the two fillies who were hiding behind a tree sneak out and grab the tied up orange pegasus and sneak away unnoticed.

"Why did you kidnap Me. Cluckington and Ms. Cluck last night?" Fluttershy asks in a not quite loud voice.

"Wait the chickens I found in the woods last night had names? Now I feel bad for wanting to make tendies out of them." Drake exclaims.

"You didn't know that?" Fluttershy asks quietly.

"No all I saw was two meals on legs needing to be plucked." Drake says

"That's fucked up." Spike says.

"You have no room Spike." Drake says to small dragon.

"I thought you knew, you knew, I'm so sorry." Fluttershy says quietly as she gets off Drake.

"It's fine... I just need to go back into the Evertree Forest to find some unnamed and unclaimed chickens." Drake says defiantly.

"It's Everfree my dude..." Spike says.

"Shut up Spike, also you can go back to Twiggy's castle now." Drake says as he sets off towards the Everfree...

Back at the friendship castle Starlight and Twilight have completely forgotten about Drake and his chicken problem... and Spike but that should be expected.

"Checkmate I win!" Starlight says as she moves her knight and beats Twilight at chess.

"Congratulations, Starlight I'm glad you've gotten better since we last played." Twilight says.

"Thank you. I..." Before Starlight can finish Spike bursts in happy as can be.

"Drake won't be returning!" Spike says as he waltzes through.

"What do you mean Spike?" Twilight asks in a confused manner.

"He went into the Everfree Forest." Spike says with a smile.

Starlight looks at Twilight with a terrified expression.

"AND YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM!?!" Twilight screams at the top of her lungs knocking over the chess board and pieces.

"No, why would I?" Spike asks very confused.

"BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY HUMAN IN EQUESTRIA AND IF HE DIES I WON'T BE ABLE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIS CULTURE!" Twilight screams once more.

"I see it as a win for me, I don't have to put up with his ass." Spike says nonchalantly.

"Uh Spike I kind of enjoyed having him around I thought he was kind of funny." Starlight says as she slowly inches towards one of the many doors.

While Twilight yells at Spike,Drake is now in the Everfree Forest searching for chickens.

"I wish Bluefast was here and not visiting the weather factory she'd be helpful when it comes to finding chickens." Drake grumbles to himself as he continues to walk deeper into the woods.

He stops for a moment as he hears the familiar sound of chickens.

He sprints towards the sound and eventually finds a flock of... Strange looking chickens, but chickens nonetheless.

"These are the chickens I was looking for." Drake says aloud.

Drake then leaps towards the strange chickens with a look of excitement in his eyes.

Thirteen days and thirteen nights had passed since the Drake had disappeared. The ponies of Ponyville had searched through the woods and found no trace, except for a stone statue that may or may not have looked very similar to Lyra, who had disappeared mysteriously during one of the searched.

After the thirteenth night, the ponies of Ponyville stopped their search mourned for Drake thinking that he had died, except for Spike who celebrated not at all sad or otherwise miffed about the disappearance of the human.

However on the fourteenth day Drake emerged from the Everfree with a bag full of chickens as if nothing had gone wrong.

He stopped by Fluttershy's cottage first because it was the first place he saw.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

After Drake knocks quite loudly on the door, not that he would knock quietly, Fluttershy opens the door and gasps.

"Y-your alive!" Fluttershy says almost quietly.

"Of course I'm alive, dying is one of my least favorite things to do." Drake says with smile.

"We th-though you had died!" Fluttershy says as she hugs Drake with tears streaming down her face.

"I almost did but it appears after eating that hydra that I grilled, getting mauled by a manticore won't be killing me." Drake says with a shrug.

Fluttershy continues to cry with joy as Drake is not dead like everyone had thought, however Drake says goodbye after an hour or so because his magic sack that holds his chickens may keep the chickens fresh but he must cook them himself so he heads back to the Friendship Castle where a lecture awaits...

Author's Note

There will be more, as in sequels. You have been warned. Unless this isn't received well then there will be no more.