How to Catch a Fluttershy
How to Catch a Fluttershy
Author's Note
As you'll find out, I had an odd childhood being sat in front of even odder cartoons and influences...
Anywho, it's Fluttershy's turn! This might get very interesting! (And the most random thing I've ever written, so enjoy! 
)
How to Catch a Fluttershy
The last attempt on Twilight had taken an unsuspected turn that nearly resulted in your demise. As such, you and Rainbow Dash decided to pick an easier target as your nerves still needed time to stop ringing from that near-fatal encounter with unicorn magic. It had shaken you up more than you liked to admit, but you had the distinct feeling that Rainbow Dash knew it had rattled you.
You had hastily returned the book to Octavia soon afterwards, much to the socialite's confusion. She had said something along the lines of, ''Finished the book so soon? My, that was fast. Are you sure you wouldn't like to keep it a bit longer?'' but you had refused her extended loan. As long as you had that classic piece of rare literature on your being, you were a moving, highly-combustable, purple unicorn-obsessed piece of two-legged nerd-nectar. The risk wasn't worth it.
Rainbow Dash had escorted you towards the cottage Fluttershy resided in on the edge of the town and you had been thinking up a way to prank her. You recalled once how Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were prank buddies for a day and they had tried once before to prank the timid mare, but ended up bailing out due to not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings. You were relatively close to Fluttershy simply through Rainbow's bond with her, and you knew she was a very fragile and soft-spoken little beauty.
That being said, this wasn't going to be too hard of a prank to pull off. One timid mare getting pranked should be enough to ease your nerves and get your confidence back up enough to pull out the big guns once again, get you back into the trenches on the front line! And so, here you are with Rainbow Dash, standing by at the end of the dirt path lined with white picket fences that lead up to Fluttershy's front door, scheming a plan.
''How do you wanna play this?" Rainbow Dash said to you. ''We're not going to scare her out of her mind or give her a heart attack, so we need to think of something smooth and direct,'' She tried to think, her hoof touching her chin.
''Hey,'' You said as a plan hatched in your head, an idea popping into your skull as you thought about something you knew the mare liked, ''What about tea? Fluttershy loves drinking tea, right? What if we did something with that?'' You suggested, already liking the sound of it. Rainbow's eyes brightened at the input, but she remained somewhat skeptical.
''What, you want to poison her?'' She raised a brow at you. ''You thinking about mixing chilli powder in her tea when she's not looking and laughing as her head blows off?''
''No, of course I don't want to do that to her,'' You said with a chuckle. ''Although...'' You finished in silent contemplation, liking the route she was going. Maybe that might be of use for a future prank! Not a bad idea at all...
''Dom!'' She knocked you in the leg, prompting you to squirm.
''Ow, hey! Watch it, will ya? You hit me pretty hard last time, and it still hurts!'' You protectively covered your twins in their skin bunker along with your tally-whacker.
''Oh, come on, it can't still hurt that bad!'' She scoffed at you. ''I barely touched you!''
''Easy for you to say, you're a girl! You don't have your junk hanging free in the wind like guys do!'' You said with a soft glare at her. ''Anyway, never mind my junk, I thought we were here to come up with a plan?"' You said, quickly dissolving this line of thought and getting back to the subject at hand. ''Well, care to let me in on your plan, Skittles?'' She gave you a confused expression at that name.
''Skittles?'' She questioned. ''What're 'Skittles'?''
''Something that I'd rather be enjoying right now than getting roasted by you, featherbrain,'' You said sarcastically, grinning a little. ''Come to think of it, I wonder if you'd taste like a Skittle if I licked you?'' A bold idea came to your twisted mind. ''Actually, one second,'' You kneeled down and grabbed the cyan mare quickly by the shoulders, taking her by surprise.
''H-Hey! What're you---OH! Gross, Dom!'' She exclaimed, cheeks heating up as you began licking her mane and face. She began pressing against you with her hooves in a desperate attempt to knock you off and to force you to stop getting your man slobber all over her pretty little cheeks. ''STOP!'' She moaned while her hooves were flailing about as she was trying to pull herself away from your moist tongue. Randomly, one of them collided forcefully with your stomach and squeezed the air out of your lungs, knocking you down to the ground instantly.
You were simultaneously gasping for the smallest breath whilst laughing, mimicking a dying moped engine that was in danger of blowing a spark plug. Your hands clutched around your now-tender abdomen and you felt tears of pain squeeze through your tear ducts, but you quickly wiped them away. Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, gave you a shocked and disgusted expression.
''What in the hay were you doing?!'' She demanded, mortified. Her light blue cheeks were burning with red roses and her muzzle was scrunched up while her eyes were glaring daggers at you.
''For...For the r-record, you taste like a vanilla wafer had a baby with a strawberry,'' You said, wheezing and rasping for breath while pain rang out through your guts. You tried to stand but fell down to one knee again, gasping loudly before looking up to her with a surprised expression. ''Damn, girl, you have such a heavy punch!"
''Well, I told you to stop!'' She defended herself. She frantically rubbed at her now-sloppy and matted cheeks with a sickly expression, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth, shuddering visibly in distaste. When she turned back to you, she became a little bit sympathetic and began to help you up. ''Are you okay? I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?"
''Don't worry, I like it rough,'' You said jokingly as her hoof wrapped around your arm and pulled you back to your feet. ''No, seriously, that's some punch you've got. Remind me to never get into a bar fight with you,'' You said. Rainbow grinned at you at the compliment, but she soon turned her attention back to the cottage.
''So, you were saying something about Fluttershy's tea?'' She asked, wanting to get on track with the reason for the two of you being here. With a glad smile, you got back down to business.
''Right. Tea,'' You began, clasping your hands together and ignoring the pain in your lower abdomen, your breathing still raspy and creating a wheezing sound as you inhaled through your nostrils. ''I think we should do something with the tea idea. Nothing too fancy or too big, but enough for a reaction. Any ideas?''
Rainbow Dash cupped her chin and she thought about it for a moment, then her eyes widened and her lips tugged into that devious smile, enough to get your heart excited at the sight of it. You knew that when she grinned like that, the idea was always a good one. You couldn't wait to hear this.
*** *** ***
Rainbow Dash groaned as the white bunny rabbit in front of her squabbled in bunny talk, incomprehensible language to Dash's ears. She had been trying to get Angel Bunny in on the plan so he knew what to do, and the bunny had long-since become annoyed by her instructions. Rainbow ran a hoof down her face and plucked her eyelids, cartoonishly pulling the rest of her face with them in annoyance.
''Oh, good grief,'' She murmured to herself. ''For the last time, Angel, I don't speak that!'' She said. ''How is it you can understand Fluttershy and not me? We both speak the same language!'' She groaned loudly.
Angel gave her a glare and waved his little white paws in the air, slamming his large rabbit foot on the ground in a tantrum-like stomp. The longer this conversation took place, the angrier he got. His patience was wearing thin, and he was about ready to boil over. He gave her more rabbit noises and Rainbow carefully observed his movements.
''I don't get it!'' She said. ''I keep telling you I don't know what 'that','' She waved her hooves around, mimicking Angel. ''Means!''
Angel huffed and drew in a deep breath before he pointed towards the cottage, then to himself and then began making more noises. Rainbow did her best to understand him, but was unsure if she was reading him correctly.
''No, Fluttershy can't know about any of this, understand?'' Rainbow tried, hoping it wouldn't earn her more angry rabbit noises. Angel tilted his head this time. ''Look, Fluttershy isn't to know about this at all, so keep her out of it until we're ready!'' Rainbow instructed. ''Where are your other animal friends?''
Angel began hopping on the spot and pointed towards the forest, making more rabbit noises.
''They're having a party in the forest with pogo sticks?" Rainbow asked dumbly. Angel slapped his paw into his face and grumbled incoherently. He made more hand gestures and he squabbled some more in the animal talk that only Fluttershy could decipher. ''Oh, they're in the forest! Hey, will you quit glaring at me like that? It's not my fault I can't speak the language of evil rabbits!'' Rainbow said with a hint of bemusement in her voice. That earned a scowl from Angel.
''Oh, what now?''
Angel held out his paw and tapped it with his other paw, tapping his foot impatiently and giving her a hardened glare. Rainbow understood what that look meant at the very least, and she rolled her eyes at him.
''What, you want bits? No offence, dude, but I don't think rabbits are allowed to go shopping with pony money,'' She said to him with a chuckle. Angel slapped her on the cheek with his paw, not hard, but enough to wipe the grin off her face. ''Hey!'' She rubbed her cheek. ''Do that again, and I'll punt you to Cloudsdale!''
More angry squabbles.
''What, you want carrots instead? That what you mean?'' Rainbow asked, hoping it was right and the bunny gave her a relieved and delighted expression, for once giving her a happy sound. ''Alright, alright, you fuzzball. You'll get your carrots after this prank is over with,'' Rainbow said, but Angel's face once again faltered and soured at that. He went back to incoherently chattering away at her. ''That's my final offer, you little jerk. Take it or leave it!''
Angel was far from happy upon hearing this. He was never an easy animal to deal with, which begged the question of why Fluttershy adopted him as her pet out of all the others she could have picked out when he was such a neurotic, little fusspot! That mare had the patience of a saint for this demon spawn of a rabbit!
Angel once again pointed towards the cottage and crossed his arms at Rainbow, blowing a raspberry at her.
''You wouldn't dare!'' She challenged him, shoving her snout against his and narrowing her eyes at him, returning his beady-eyed glare. ''If you dare tell Fluttershy about any of this and spoil the plan, I swear down that I'll lock you inside a cage with Opal! Maybe she'll teach you how to behave! Got it?'' The mention of Opal caused the bunny's face to become hollow and he gave a terrified squirm at the idea of being used as a cat toy. He quickly nodded in agreement to Rainbow's terms, and the mare smiled.
''Alright, good. You know the plan, then?'' Angel nodded. ''Then get going and round everyone up! Dom's buying us more time!'' And like that, the little white bunny scampered off into the woods to find the other critters that frequented Fluttershy's cottage. This was going to be the funniest prank yet!
*** *** ***
''Oh, Dom, I'm sure she didn't mean it,'' Fluttershy giggled cutely as she walked alongside Dom, both of them exiting through the front door of the cottage and turning to pass around the side of the cozy home. She looked up to Dom with warm, inviting turquoise eyes. ''We all know that Twilight wouldn't hurt any of her friends over a book,'' She said comfortingly in that oh-so-soft voice of hers.
''That's what you think,'' You said with a shiver rolling down your spine. ''You weren't there, Fluttershy. That girl nearly vaporised me with her magic! She blew a hole in the side of a shop! Rainbow Dash saved me in time, so if it wasn't for her, I'd be dead right now!'' You explained to her, and Fluttershy face softened.
''She probably didn't know what she was doing,'' She continued to defend her friend. ''She'll probably apologise to you the moment she sees you again, just wait and see.''
Yeah, or she'll try and chase me down again before blasting me to pieces...
''I think I'm going to stay away from her for a bit and give her time to cool off. I'm not going anywhere near her again until I know she's not going to try and kill me,'' You said, your tone failing in hiding your fear of the purple unicorn. That entire encounter gave you Twi-phobia.
''I'm sure she'll be nice to you,'' Fluttershy said as she paused for a moment to touch a hoof gingerly against the upside of your hand. Her eyes were so radiant and motherly as they gazed up into yours. That sweet, nurturing and intent face of hers was so adorable and charming. ''Don't be afraid of your friends, Dom. If Dashie hurt you, you'd forgive her eventually, right? After all, you couldn't stay mad at her forever, could you?''
Fluttershy, my sweet friend, you honestly have no clue what these past two days have been like. Sometimes, I do question that cocky mare's motifs. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she enjoys seeing me in pain.
You pondered her theorem for a moment, but the answer was already on the tip of your tongue. Of course you wouldn't stay mad at Rainbow Dash forever if she did something along the lines of Twilight's manslaughter attempt. Does that term even apply in Equestria? What's their variation, anyway, if they have one? Anywho, Rainbow is your best friend, so you wouldn't hold anything against her for too long. At least, you liked to think you wouldn't. You care about that mare more than you'd openly admit, but it seemed obvious from Fluttershy's knowing, sweet expression that she already knew that.
''No,'' You answered. ''No, I wouldn't,'' You finished. Fluttershy gave you a glad smile and you continued walking.
''See? True friends will always forgive each other in the end, no matter what happened between them,'' She said humbly. ''Anyway, I think a tea party sounds like a wonderful idea----'' She stopped as she rounded the corner to her large, open back garden, the area she usually had her animal picnics.
In the open space, there was a giant table set in the middle of the garden, decked out with ridiculous amounts of teacups and saucers, cutlery and food. There was an abundance of edibles to go around that one might think a royal feast was in order. On one end of the table, Rainbow Dash was sat dressed in a worn tuxedo and a battered-up top hat with a purple band around it, the band too long and drooping off the side of the hat, dangling behind her head. Stuck in the band was a scrap of card that had ''10/6'' written on it.
Fluttershy's eyes scanned around in disbelief at the crazy scene before her as she found rodents digging into tea cups, not being able to consume the full cups but instead toppling them over and causing them to spill, but they kept sticking their noses in to lick up the remnants of the tea. Not only were ferrets, mice, rats and chipmunks toppling teacups and staining the wooden table they were set on, but birds were pecking at sandwiches while woodland wolves were chomping down on biscuits and other assorted sweets, such as scones, Victoria sponge cake and madeira cake. In the back, Fluttershy spotted a large, round-bellied tabby cat that was curled up atop the thick branch of a large-bodied birch tree, its long tail swishing back and forth in the wind while it had a wide smile on its cat lips.
''W-What...What is this?'' Fluttershy asked confusedly, her eyes wide and deeply taken back by the scene before her. It was like something out of a crazy cartoon! ''What's going on?'' She gasped, noticing Angel Bunny on top of the table with his face burrowed into Victoria sponge cake, strawberry jam and powdered sugar matted to his fur. ''Angel Bunny!'' She glowered disapprovingly at him. ''You're not meant to be eating sweets!''
Angel yanked his face out of the sugary treat and faced his owner, who gave him a glare, the kind a mother gives her child while catching them in the act of taking food from the kitchen after bed time. The little bunny licked his lips to clear the smudged-on jam and powdered sugar and crumbs before he once again dove into the sponge cake. Fluttershy's expression became more stern once she had been disobeyed and she marched on over to where her pet was to take a hold of him.
''Oh, Fluttershy, my darling, how grand of you to attend my tea party!'' Rainbow Dash said in an exaggerated, childish voice, as if she was attempting a posh Canterlot accent. ''I see you've brought a guest!'' She faced Dom with a smile. Fluttershy had scooped up the now-flailing bunny from the cake and he was squirming and trying to get out of her firm grip.
''Come now, dearest Fluttershy! We're all mad here; I'm sure you'll fit right in!'' Rainbow continued to talk in her posh accent, right before she picked up a nearby teapot, a fancy-looking white one with baroque designs on it, and abnormally large grotesque pot with three spouts protruding up the length of it to the lid. ''Some tea with your sugar?'' She offered, pouring tea into three individual cups of already-full tea while she added sugar using her free hoof in excessive amounts.
''Rainbow Dash, what on earth are you doing?"' The butter mare asked in a soft tone while she struggled with Angel. ''Why are you dressed like that? Have you gone mad?''
''Have I gone mad?'' Rainbow Dash pondered that for a moment, pausing pouring her tea from her teapot to address the question. ''Hmm, quite possibly so,'' She then proceeded to pick up one of the cups of tea and picked out the saucer from under it before dunking it inside of its respective teacup as if it were a biscuit. ''Perhaps I've not had enough tea?''
Fluttershy gave her a pained and concerned look. She hadn't ever seen Rainbow Dash act like this, nor has she ever known her to enjoy tea parties. The last time she invited her along, she couldn't stand but one minute of 'girly-girl wussy talk', as she put it, and she bolted off into the sky. The sight of her in a battered and worn tuxedo was very unsettling.
''What's gotten into you, Dashie?'' Fluttershy asked her, and it was then that Angel Bunny had managed to wriggle his way free from his owner's grasp, one of his big feet managing to collide with Fluttershy's muzzle. The mare gave a loud ''Eep!'' of surprise and held a hoof to her nose with a scrunched-up muzzle. ''Ow! Angel Bunny, you get back here this instant!''
Angel had hopped away from the mare and he stuck out his tongue at her before jamming his face in yet another cake spread out on the table. Fluttershy gave a soft growl of frustration and gazed around the table, not sure what to do. She hadn't encountered anything so strange in all her life!
''Dom, what's going on?'' She finally turned to face you and her eyes were desperate and pleading for an answer, any form of help. ''What's gotten into Rainbow Dash?''
''I'm not sure,'' You said, watching the cyan mare continue playing about in her tuxedo and dipping the saucer into the cup of tea. You had to force away a laugh when you saw her pluck it out, now soaked in the black tea, and try to bite down on it, right before tossing it aside somewhere in the distance once realising it wasn't edible. ''I, um...don't know,'' You finished slowly.
''Ooh! Jam! I forgot all about the jam!'' Rainbow began to say before frantically rummaging about the table, searching for this 'jam', which you knew all too well was non-existent.
''Jam?'' Fluttershy repeated. ''Rainbow, wh...what are you talking about jam for? What jam? Have you gone crazy?!'' Rainbow Dash looked up to face her friend at this, giving her a neutral expression that soon shifted into a toothy grin.
''I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours!'' She proclaimed, before stepping up onto the table and picking up the triple-spouted teapot again and pouring it randomly all over the table. You watched as she began doing so, moving randomly up and down the table in a merry manner, pouring tea where she pleased and randomly filling up teacups, regardless if they were full already or not.
Rainbow Dash had progressed up the table and stopped short of Fluttershy before she leaned in down to her eye level and said to her with disappointment, ''You know, you used to be more...muchier. You've lost your muchness,'' And then she leaned back up and continued pouring tea. At one point, she kicked over a cake that Fluttershy managed to catch, which was lucky considering it had a couple of chipmunks nibbling away on it.
Fluttershy quickly apologised to them and she gently placed the half-eaten cake down and told the critters to scamper off someplace safe. The butter mare then turned to face you and she hurriedly trotted up to you before pulling you aside by taking your hand in her hoof. She pulled you down to eye level and she gave you such a clueless, lost expression of hopelessness.
''Dom, please...what's going on with Rainbow Dash? She's really worrying me! Do you think we should get some pony to help her?'' She asked, turning to glance over her shoulder at the cyan mare, who now appeared to be doing some sort of Irish jig on the table top. ''She's out of control!''
''You're telling me...'' You mumbled sarcastically.
''Dom!'' She scowled. ''I'm serious! Look at her; she's clearly not doing well!'' She extended a hoof towards her to emphasise her point.
''Oh, that? No, that's just a happy jig. She does that when she's really happy. It's probably the tea, it has that effect on her,'' You commented, but none of your jokes were working on Fluttershy. She actually looked as though she was about to cry out of worry. Quickly, you held her by the shoulder and said to her after she gave you an unimpressed look at your witty remarks, ''Alright, don't worry, she'll be fine. Watch, I'll show you,'' You turned to face Rainbow Dash and grinned devilishly at her. ''Hey, Rainbow Dash!'' You called. She continued dancing but focused her attention on you. ''There's a tarantula on your tuxedo!''
As soon as those words left your lips, Rainbow's eyes shrunk and she began to panic in an instant. She gasped loudly in shock, dropped the large teapot and she fell backwards onto the tabletop, frantically rolling around and swatting and batting away at her chest with her hooves. She began screaming in fear as you began laughing at her. You knew she hated spiders, especially hairy tarantulas.
''Ahh! Get it off, get it off, get it off!'' She begged, acting like a dog that was infested with large fleas. ''Somebody get this ugly thing off of me!''
Fluttershy watched in confusion as her eyes were no longer welling up with tears from her concern, but perplexity. She had just witnessed Rainbow go from supposedly insane back to sane.
''What's going on here?'' She asked quietly to you.
''Payback,'' You said in a satisfied voice, enjoying watching his friend squirm.
Rainbow Dash had stopped rolling around and all of the animals that were previously attended the tea party were scared off by her screaming and rolling around like a mad mare. She sat up and blinked a few times, expecting to see a giant tarantula and possible other creepy crawlies scurry away from her, but found nothing of the kind. When her eyes drifted over to you, you noticed they were glossy and moist. This satisfied your heart.
''B-But, what? W-What?!'' She glanced around her quickly to double check and still found nothing. She turned back to face you, hooves half-raised in bewilderment. ''Where is it?!"
''Hey, Dash?'' You smiled proudly at her. ''Gotcha.''
''You...'' She said quietly, before her face heated up in rage. She realised she had been had. ''You massive jerk!'' She pointed a hoof at you stiffly, so far from amused you thought she was ready to kill you. She probably would have if Fluttershy wasn't a witness to the crime.
''Looks like we're even now, Skittles,'' You said to her smugly. She snorted and growled.
''You're not funny! I'll get you for this, you dirty basta---OW!'' Rainbow yelped as Angel Bunny forcibly kicked her in the side, right below her ribs. She clutched her hooves around the spot where he had hit her and, in her anger, she lunged for the little pest. ''Get back here, you little brute!'' She screamed as the small rabbit hopped away at fast pace, lolling his tongue at her.
You turned to Fluttershy and you shrugged while she continued to look confused about the entire situation, struggling to process all she's witnessed today. You patted her shoulder and said to her, ''See, I told you she was fine.''
''But...But what was all this about? I'm so confused!'' Poor Fluttershy said helplessly. Again, you gazed into her eyes reassuringly and gave her shoulder a light rub.
''As I said; it was payback,'' You said before clutching your stomach again as the smallest movement lit a fire within your gut.
''Oh, my, are you alright?'' She asked you concernedly once seeing the pain on your face.
''Y-Yeah, fine. Really, I am. I got hit in the gut earlier,'' You said, not mentioning who by. ''So, how about we discuss it over a cup of tea, then?''
