Chapters Chapter 1
So, you're standing in your snug living room. Sitting in the armchair, you grab a blanket and indulge yourself in it. The comfortableness that you're feeling is way over your head, so you go and reach for the remote for the television. Once you have the remote, you turn the TV on. The TV screen is already on the HUB network, and lucky for you, it is playing My Little Pony. After a few minutes of continuous TV, you start to hear footsteps outside. Since you are a closeted brony, you immediately turn it off. The person on the other side of the door was your friend. She stands there, greets you, and smiles at you.
"Hey, what's up?"
"What do ya want?" you ask suspiciously.
"Remember the time when you told me to watch that show, My Little Pony?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, because of you, I'm now addicted to it." Hearing that, you start to bounce up and down in total eagerness and ecstasy. Your friend was the only person who knew that you watched the show, and since she's engaged in it as well, you start to sweat. She ponders at the subtle excitement, but she laughs it off. Your friend was a whimsical person with a laugh that you couldn't help but laugh at.
"Hahaha!"
"Hahaha!" You start to gesture a sign of watching the show together. She gestures back that they'd be delighted too. You flip on the switch, and you get to see the ending of "The Swarm of the Century", in which Pinkie plays the trombone. Your friend dramatically chokes on how hilarious Pinkie Pie is. When it cuts to the credits, you ask your friend when she became a brony/pegasister.
"Ugh, yesterday afternoon. I gave it a go, and it just sucked me in." Speaking of sucked them in, the TV screen flipped to Princess Celestia staring at it. You both were both crept out, so you chose to laugh it off. Celestia screams at you, specifically you , as you flew back in your chair. It was woeful wail, masked behind a significant shriek for aid. The horror of the unexpected shout started to shiver your friend; you, meanwhile, were too frightened to even move a muscle. When the screen shuts of, you look at you friend and start laughing. She doesn't find it too funny, as she cautiously glares at you.
"What are ya looking at?" you quietly question.
"You."
"I know that, just what exactly are you staring at?" She points her hoof at you, and things stat to get really awkward. She starts to glare her body, and she yells in amazement.
"I'm a pony, yay!" You try to jump, but the next instant, you find yourself faceplanting the grass under you.
Clopper Visions vs. Brony Realities
Chapter 3
As the pony comes towards your direction, you start to pray that they don't come after you. Once they jerk to the left, you start to mentally cheer.
Victory...is mine! You think; you notice a teal colored pony coming your direction. Her crooked mane kept swaying in the wind, flattering your wooden structure. You start to think about how nice that plot would look on you, but you changed your way of thought. Your mentalities were fighting in a war of inappropriateness. It was the clopper's paradise vs the brony's paradise engaged in your wooden structure. Somewhere, below your seat, you could feel your wooden apron stiffen even more.
Oh god, I didn't think that I could get one as a chair! You start to pretend that you're blushing. Now, back to the teal pony, she jerked her body, and she started to talk to a blue and pink maned pony. The teal pony's tail brushed on the blue-pink maned pony's chin, causing her to blush visually. The blue-pink maned pony managed to slip in a kiss, and the other cocked her head away.
"No Bon-Bon, not now; not in front of everypony!"
"Okay, sorry Lyra." The two held tails, and ran off in the distance. You, disappointingly, tried to cry out your eyeballs. Sadly, you couldn't manage to sweat out one single drop. Noticing your dejection, your friend trotted over to you.
"Hey big guy, what's up?"
"Oh, I just got rejected."
"I can see that."
"Well, what can't you see? You get to go wherever you want to go, due to those hooves!" She raised a hoof, and admired it.
"Well, you're right; they are pretty magnificent!" You almost assaulted her verbally, maybe even physically, but your conscience got to the better of you. One your left ear lay a devilish chair, and an angelic chair on the other one.
"Hey, you know that your friend's a jerk, and that pony was hot, so why don't you do anything about it!?" spoke the devilish chair.
"I don-"
"Wait," interrupted the angelic chair. "think about what you're doing now!"
"Well what do you know, harpy?" snickered the devilish.
"There are more logical ways to tackle this problem. We were all thinking the same thing, but imagine how offended she would be if you hurt her, or how hurt the pony would be if you assaulted her!" You know in your gut that the angelic chair was correct, so you finally put in you intake.
"You're right, right chair! I can't do that to, (friend's name), or the other pony!"
"Hmph." coughed the devilish chair as he magically disappeared with the other chair. Your friend, by now, was glaring at you like you were a lunatic.
"What were you doing?"
"I was, um, talking to my consciences."
"Okay?"
"So, hey, what's been happening?" you awkwardly ask.
"I've been right next to you the whole time, what do you think was happening?"
"Nothing, sorry for asking."
"It is okay."
"It's A Rhetorical Question."
Chapter 5
Justice, profanity, hardships, and "awkwardity", as she put it, describes all of Daring's life. She had gone through some really, and you mean really , awkward experiences, mainly from a really disturbing egghead. Nevertheless, she tells you that you needn't worry.
"So yeah, pretty much it."
"Gosh." you reply quietly.
"Eeyup."
"Yup."
"Say, you wanna go to the nearest bar?"
????? you think.
"How can we? We don't even hav-"
"I don't have legs, but you do!"
"Why should I!?" Snap!
"Because, as you see, I'm a book and you're a chair. Besides, how on Celestia's death'd I carry you?"
"Y-"
"It's settled, then?"
"Yes!"
"It's a rhetorical question, idiot." Harsh.
Chapter 6
Your gimpy legs weren't getting you two anywhere, and Daring's constant shouting isn't really helping. You two have been traveling for less than five minutes, and yet, you haven't left your spot from earlier.
"Push harder!"
"Phfff, hmmmm!" Ah, the classics.
"What are you laughing?"
"Hahahaha! Hehehe!"
"What's so funny about 'push harder'?" At that very moment, deep within your dirty mind, which probably hasn't been cleaned it a while, you realize that this is Equestria , and they don't have a clue. This knowledge can exceed you in life, or make for really awkward conversations.
"Pmff! Nothing; I'm just going to start going again!"
"You better, 'cause at this rate, we'll never be able to get there in time!" So, with that last remark, you start up your legs again. Jerking to the left, and jerking to the right, you realize that this shift can maneuver you to the bar, in less than three hours of course. Exasperation pumps you wooden blood, seeping through your whole body with tiredness, slowing every body movement inches less than the previous shift. The final jerk you gave threw Daring off you, and you faceplanted on the sidewalk. The bar was more than an hour away, which was pretty good progress for a chair.
"Ah c'mon, I just removed the last bits of-"
"Not now. What we need to do is get to that bar; know any shortcuts?"
"Don't you think that it won't help being a stick in the mud?"
"True, we need somepony to-"
"Woah, woah, woah. Did you say 'somepony'? We need 'something' to help, not just ponies." Daring stated.
"Okay, we need 'something' to come and save us."
"I know, 'cause I just said that."
Ah great, she doesn't understand accedence.
Chapter 7
When you decide to ditch the idea, but Daring's ignorance beat you right to it. The look on her hardcover face sent chills down your back. Her evil eye-err-spine glared at you melancholy. You could feel your legs stiffen even more than they should have. Angrily, you think about throwing her off and ditching her , instead, but due to your incredible slowness, you can't manage to pull it off.
"Hurry up, slow poke, we ain't got all day!" Alarmingly, you jerk to the side.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm movin'," you say cautiously. Daring set the mood. Your irritable speed lead you and Daring to a quaint looking fruit. The whole time, it was there, but still, it was a quaint fruit that you stumbled upon.
"Is it dead?" Daring ponders provisionally. The fruit cocked it's ugly body.
"I ain'tsn't dead, if Ah were, be Ah telling that Ah ain'tsn't!?" Though no face, his facial expression looked even more ticked and annoyed than Daring's.
"Hi, I'm-"
"A chair?" His country ego was soothingly warm to you, even though he was smart-alecky and obnoxious.
"Mr. Chair, to be right," you proudly reply. "and this is my acquaintant-"
"Friend."
"Daring Do."
"Nice t' meet ya."
"Sorry to ask, but what are you and what's your name?" Your inner poshness cones in goes.
"Th' name's Darrell," Oddly peculiar for an Equestrian fruit. " and I's a kumquat."
"A kumquat? You look like an orange."
"Same dif."
"Okay, well, I'm a chair, as you can see, and she's a book."
"Nice t' know."
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A Kumquat-Orange, Chair, and a Book, Who Else?
Chapter 8
Darrell and Daring, oddly peculiar pair, but the coincidence just had to be. They've now talked for more than two minutes. You, being as you have narcissism, shove them both off of you, and turn around rudely.
"Bro, wha's that for!?" Darrell asks.
"Dunno, maybe since I have no one to talk too." In your head, it sounded more realistic. Now, really, you sound like a baby.
"Well, if you said something a while ago, we coulda started to talk to you too!"
"Oh haha, now it's my fault for being as shy as a pegasus?"
"Real mature, ey?" Darrell states.
"Excuse me, but please get off me." states the wee pebble sitting there impatiently.
Chapter 9
"Hi there." the pebble says quietly. It was so small, that Darrell could carry him on his head. Well, to you, it could go either way.
"Hi." Daring says quietly.
"Ah love...pudding." Darrell subtly announces, while everyone doesn't care. He looked around, thinking it was hilarious. When he saw that everyone was looking down at him like an orange, he shut up instantly.
"So, uh, who are you?" you shyly ask.
"Name's Toto."
"Like a Totodile?" Darrell asks. How in Equestria does he know what a Totodile is?
"What's a Totodile."
"That's a fu-buckin' awesome name." you reply, changing the subject, almost cursing. Toto reveals his background story, but for the sake of the club, you cut him off. His blank expression delivers nothing but shame; you feel sad. He climbs aboard, and you begin faceplanting again.
Chapter 10
With Darell, Daring, Toto, and you all strutting to the bar, you get a sense of friendship. Not like 'oh my gosh, look at dat as-err-donkey' friendship, but a real friendship. A friendship that the ponies would earn after a huge battle. Except your friendship is nothing like it.
Chapter 2
As your still on the ground, wishing that you could get up, your pony friend bites you and lifts you. To your surprise, it actually tickled. She sits you down next to a stand, and you start assaulting her...with questions.
"Hey, (friend's name), how come I can't move!?"
"Ugh..."
"And, why did you have to carry me here!?"
"Ugh..."
"And, why aren't you answering me!?" She walks away for a bit, grabs a mirror, and sets it right in front of your wooden body. You sift your body, and you come to conclude that you are a chair. You try to facepalm yourself, but you just fall over again.
"Hey, some help here!?" Your friend was off conversing with some other the townsfolk. You start shifting your legs and supports, only to get about four inches every ten seconds. You finally gave up trying, and sit there thinking. There's nothing much you can do as a chair but sit there. Then, a reality check just pimp-slaps you across the face; people, and ponies sit on chairs. Oh god, you're going to have a rather awkward afternoon today. A unsuspecting victim of awkwardness trails along, whom looked very, very exhausted.
My Little Book: Companionship is Friendship
Chapter 4
Sitting there, impatiently, you felt more lonely than ever. It was as if everyone were separate satellites, and you were a planet; everyone was orbiting around you, but never coming in your atmosphere. This outrageous alienation from the rest was quite obnoxious, so much, that you start to thrash about. You decide that thrashing would be your way for crying. While maniacally shaking, you hear a soft voice calling you out.
"Hey, chair!" It's gentle nature was masked behind the loud voice, from which it is using to get you. You turn around to see nothing, nothing at all.
"Hey chair!" Looking down, you happen to see a certain book on the ground. It was a Daring Do book, probably from someone who dropped it.
"Hey cha-"
"I see you, from Christ's sake." you quietly say.
"Oh."
"So, what are you doing?" you speedily ponder to change weird subjects.
"I dunno, just talking to you."
"No, really?" The book just sat there, probably trying to cock his head in puzzlement.
Wow, it doesn't understand sarcasm.
"Anyways, what is your name?"
"Considering that I'm a book, you can call me Daring Do."
"Oh, nice to meet you, Daring Do."
"What's your name?"
"Ugh, hmm. Considering that I'm a chair, you can call me Chair."
"Nah, too straight forward. Hmm, how about Mr. Chair ?"
"I like it!" you excitingly squeal.
"It's good to have a friend; ponies will usually just throw me around, watching my pages flip around. It makes me look like a bird, and they just laugh at me!"
"Harsh. I just got here, so I'm kinda new to the dirty business."
"Well, you get used to it."
"Yeah...I was almost sat on, by a hot pony."
"Really, what happened?" Daring piped up.
"Well, she came towards my direction, but she jerked towards a slightly less hot pony. I'm guessing that they're dating or something, because the next second, the slightly less hot pony leaned in and kissed the hot pony. Thinking about it, I think they're names were 'Bon-Bon' and 'Lyra'?"
"Oh yeah, I've seen them around. They were the ones who checked me out from the library, if you know what I mean."
"Oh come on, an inappropriate joke thirty seconds after I meet you?"
"Eeyup."
