The Monster in Me

by Scarves

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Other
Length: 1879

What does your name mean to you? What do you do when your name has been taken away?

I can no longer remember my name.
I know I had family and I can remember their names.
But it has been years since I have seen them.
My name is Monster and this is how I got my name.

This is a rewrite of the first chapter of MY NAME IS MONSTER.
I didn't like how some things sat and I wrote a prologue to help explain some things better. The second chapters will be turned into a second story.
Cover image goes to Cosmic Unicorn. From her Discordantly comic series. All credit for the image goes to her.

Published 2012-08-25 18:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-14 01:37:26 UTC

The Madness in Me

What is in a name?

I once had a name...

I can’t remember it any more...

I wish I could...

By they don’t let me...

I have many names now...

Such as freak...

Disgusting

Abomination

Thing

It

Alien

MONSTER.

Monster was the worst. I know the definition of monster. It says that a monster is an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening. I am large, I don’t think I’m ugly and I didn’t ever think I was frightening. But I guess that to ponies I must be a monster. I fit the description. I am different and so therefore I must be a monster. But I don’t want to be.

When I can here I thought maybe Celestia might have understood. She did not, she thought I was a monster. I don’t want to be a monster.

I am now condemned.

Dammed

Cursed

Cast out

Banished

Exiled

Branded

Named

Out of all of those, being named is the worst. I was named a monster. Not even a proper name. But I already had a name, I've forgotten it now. It pains me deeply that I have forgotten my own name. They replaced it with monster.

I used to have a life. I was once a human. I was once a person. There was a time, I wasn’t a monster.

But that time is now dead. It died with my name. It is a life I am starting to forget, a life that is being replaced with the life of a monster. I am now just fading away, slowly becoming a myth, a legend and an old bedtime story. It pains me to think that they ignored me. They could have helped, but they chose not to listen.

I try to think that they knew they couldn’t send me home and just didn’t want to tell me. So they shunned me and told me to go away so they didn’t have to deal with me. But I know that’s not true. How could they help a monster?

Soon I won’t be a monster, I won’t be alive. They won’t care, they never did and so they never will.

I am not dying from disease. I wish I was, but magic doesn’t allow that to happen.

I am not dying from age. I am still only around 25 years old, I can’t remember.

I am dying because I am going to ask if I can be turned to stone.

I am going to ask the mane 6 to kill me.

I am a monster after all.

I am a threat to Equestria, a danger to society and different from ponies.

I am a monster, I am poisoning their society, I am killing their innocence and I am not a pony.

I’m different.

I am a monster.

And monsters are not allowed to have a life. But monster do have powers, mine is that I can choose. And I choose to end my life. That makes me a monster. That makes me different. But it is also what makes me human. And ponies don’t like humans, they don’t like me and they don’t like monsters.

I walk out of my home I had made in the Everfree, the place of monsters, the place I called Home.

I walk to the outskirts of Ponyville and wait. I wait for my executioners, I wait for death. My death.

I did’t wait long. 5 minutes maybe. They approach me, but keep their distance. Who wants to get close to a monster?

I see the looks they give. The looks of those meeting with a monster.

Applejack looks at me with distain.

Rarity looks at me disgusted.

Pinkie Pie looks at me with a sad look. I think she knows what I am going to say.

Fluttershy is hiding behind Pinkie. I know that she looks scared.

Rainbow Dash looks brave. I know that she is scared, but I know that she is even more than willing to fight. To protect her friends from the monster.

Twilight Sparkle. I used to think she was my favourite pony. But now, she only looks upon me with a mixed gaze. Fear, nervousness, determination and 'don't fuck with me or you'll regret it'. All aimed towards me.

They ask me what I want and why I came here. So I tell them.

“I came here through means unknown. I was stripped of my own world. I was robbed of my life and my name. I have been kept alive through the natural magic of this land meaning that I will live forever. And what I want is for you, the Elements of Harmony, to prevent that from happening.”

Their expressions are changing. Surprise, deeper sadness, shock and pity. I continue.

“I want you to get your elements and the Princesses. And turn me into stone. I beg of you to please end my suffering. I want you all to know this. I was once not a monster. I had a baby sister. I loved her with all my heart. I had a mother, who loved me and looked after me. I had a father, who cared for me and taught me how to act like a good person. I had friends. I had a name.”

Pinkie was in tears. She never knew that I had a family.

Fluttershy was telling herself how awful that must have been and how sorry she was.

Rarity had a look of pure shock. She thought I was just a monster and nothing more.

Applejack was stammering. She didn’t know what to say.

Rainbow Dash was confused. She thought that monsters weren’t supposed to have feelings. How come this one did?

Twilight sparkle was trying to make sense of the situation. Trying to figure how it was possible for such a cruel, creature could ever have had a family.

I interrupted them and continued.

“You all did this.”

I got a gasp of shock from them all.

“You all ignored me, you shunned me and banished me. But what hurt the most, was the fact you stole my name. All you ponies called me a monster, over and over again. Cause of what had happened in the past. And you continued to ignore my individuality and called me a monster. So I forgot my name and accepted your judgement for past sins committed by my race. Sins I had never committed but chose to accept all the same.”

I had put them in a state of shock now. All they could do was listen and cry.

“But now this monster can’t take it anymore. I want to accept my punishment in full. I want you to use the Elements of Harmony and put an end to my presence in Equestria. I never belonged here, and never will. So please, if you wish to show one final act of kindness to redeem yourselves. One last act of honesty in showing the truth. One last act of generosity and give me this one request. One last act of loyalty to Equestria and protect it from me. One last act of laughter and giggle at the ghosties when I am gone. One last act of magic and use the Elements of Harmony and free me from my curse.”

They couldn’t move, couldn’t act and couldn’t speak. They were all crying. They couldn’t do it. Not after what they had just heard. I stood there still and waited for them to answer.

It was Twilight who spoke first. I was saddened by her answer.

“No.” was all she said.

I bowed my head. And shed a tear. I had given them a choice. Redemption or regret. I didn’t want to say what I had to say next. Or do what I would later have to do. But as a monster, I had to.

“If you don’t, then I will forcefully end my life by my own hand. Please! I beg of you, turn me too stone. I can’t bear this punishment anymore! If you have any decency you will use the Elements on me! Or so help me, I will live up to my title and make you!”

I nearly growled out the last part. I really was a monster.

Not being able to take it anymore they all ran off. Crying and in shock. I waited for their reply. I sat down and waited.

I could have waited forever as my curse meant I never had to eat, drink or sleep.

I only waited a day.

They came back with Celestia and Luna and the Elements. None looked happy. The mane 6 walked towards me with their heads low and two of them still crying. Celestia gave me her usual look of distain and malice whilst Luna looked confused.

I stood up and explained the situation to them. The same way I had done with the mane 6. I got Luna to cry and Celestia to sadden. She then simply looked at me.

It said everything she needed to say to me. I could see those thousand years of regret and pain. I could see the pain of loss and suffering of astounding old age. I could see her sadness at having to take my life. I could see that she was telling me to reconsider.

I couldn't.

I was a monster.

I had asked six innocent ponies to end my life. And they had too.

In tears the six elements took formation and started the spell. The rainbow launched high into the air and was just about to arc down, when Celestia said three chilling words to me. Three words I didn’t want to hear. Three words that made it worse.

“I am sorry.”

The rainbow was coming closer and was almost near impact.

I looked her in the eye and said my last words. They were by far the hardest I ever had to say.

“No. I am. I am sorry I was a monster who could feel.”

Impact, and then excruciating pain. As I was not of godlike status I could feel every second of it.

My skin slowly changing and solidifying. My blood turning cold and freezing and finally my heart.

I felt my heart stop and crack as it turned to stone.

The last part to turn was my face. I was turned with an expression of pain and agony and small tear on my cheek.

When it was over they cried. They mourned the loss of a monster. But there was still one last gift to give.

On my pedestal was magically engraved the last thing that I wish I could have known before my death.

It was my name.

The Madness Revealed

Authors notes

HELLO! Random person from the interwebs!

As some may now know, this was originally just going to be a one shot story.

However, after many comments about it I have started writing a continuation of it. Most of it will be a little lighter than first Chapter but other than that it will stick to the first chapter in terms of setting and what's happened and such.

Also, I don't know how often to post chapters and I also need an editor/prereader.

Please send me a Private message if you want the role.

Allons-y!