Under the Surface

by pony mafia234

Rating: mature
Tags: Windy Whistles, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Bow Hothoof, Violence, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Sad
Length: 2312

there are somethings that you can't escape including your own childhood and rainbow dash is no exemption

there are somethings that you can't escape including your own childhood and rainbow dash is no exemption, even in marehood she is still haunted by the very stallion she was supposed to love...

this is my first time writing fanfiction so please forgive me for making mistakes I would appreciate any feedback including polite constructive criticism
contains teams of domestic and childhood abuse
cover art by desu

Published 2020-07-09 15:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-09 15:50:00 UTC

Chapter 1

One day after the events of the Nightmare moon, Pinkie Pie called everyone to Sugar Cube Corner. Though the excitement was lost to three of the five. Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were still half awake and in a disheveled stated as they arrived.

“You know I’m not usually that active unless the weather needs my attention,” Rainbow yawned “Couldn’t this have waited until we were all more rested?”

“Rainbow’s right, sugar cube,” Applejack added, “Ah got chores this morning and had to get up real early.”

The complaints fell silent on the pink mare, she was super excited to have everypony there with her.

“Now that we’re here we can get everything ready,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Ready? For what?” inquired Twilight.

“For the picnic, I planned when we got back to Ponyville from the Everfree forest, silly!” beamed Pinkie Pie.

Despite other ponies having reservations of coming out so early, Pinkie Pie’s cheerfulness spread throughout the rest of the group and they quickly agreed to the outing. Having slept in late and still waking up Rainbow Dash hung back with Fluttershy.

“So how long as it been, Fluttershy?” she asked, striking up a conversation.

“Uhm about a year now I think,” Fluttershy replied, "You just suddenly had to move, I tried talking to your parents but your father said I wasn’t allowed to question about you and threatened to have me arrested for trespassing.”

Rainbow’s ears lowered and there was a sudden fearful look in her eyes at the mention of her father. She shifted her wings close to her sides protecting the scar across her back. It wasn’t something that she had showed anypony, mostly because she was uncomfortable about telling complete strangers that her father had been treating her badly and the scar was from the transition of mental and emotional abuse to physically trying to hurt her.

Fluttershy caught on to the sudden shift in her close friend’s attitude as well something seeming to cause her pain, but trying to hide it.

“Uhm is everything okay, Rainbow?” she asked concerned “You seem to be in pain.”

“Yeah I’m alright,” Rainbow replied quickly “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I noticed that you appear to be hurting,” Fluttershy said, “Did you get hurt when we were looking for the Elements?”

Rainbow hesitated saying anything about her scar, though it had been a year since she had been gashed across her back it still hurt from time to time. Thinking about how she got the scar hurt her more and didn’t exactly want to tell even her closest friend why she had to move out and what she had been through the year before.

Fluttershy not wanting to press the issue upon seeing her friend’s discomfort, she decided to leave it alone. Neither Pegasus talked about it on the way to the area where the picnic was being held.
As everypony was talking and relaxing, Rainbow stretched and yawned spreading her wings while she laid on the grass, enjoying the weather that she and the other pegasi kept up with.

A moment later, her ears laid flat back as she felt a sharp pain in her back.

“Please, Rainbow,” Fluttershy pleaded “What if it’s serious?”

Rainbow tried to protest, insisting that there was nothing wrong with her despite her ears laid back to her head.

“I’m worried about you,” Fluttershy pressed “I know you’re in pain, just let me check you to make sure its not serious.”

“See? I’m unhurt and in a hundred percent health,” said Rainbow as she held still.

Slightly annoyed with being checked over, she did her best to tolerate it, especially when it came to her hooves and her wings. She was particularly sensitive about having either part of her being touched. Fluttershy understood her friend being uncomfortable with it and left those areas alone or was as gentle as possible without hurting her.

Rainbow was about to get bored shifting one leg as if she was about to take off and fly when she heard an alarmed gasp from her friend.

“What’s wrong? Am I going to die?” she asked just as alarmed.

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that, Rainbow,” Fluttershy replied reassuringly “though, when did you get that scar on your back? What happened?”

Rainbow hesitated; her ears went down as she recalled the day that she was kicked out of her home in Cloudsdale. An older stallion’s voice echoed in the back of her mind, insults and name-calling was all that she heard until Fluttershy brought her back to reality.

“I don’t like talking about it, but I’m going to need the others here so I don’t have to repeat it,” she sighed “Do you think you could do that for me?”

Fluttershy gave her usual smile before going to get the others, leaving Rainbow to gather her thoughts before they arrived.

“Alright everpony,” she said “I have something to show you all. You may or may not have noticed this while we were in the thick of getting the Elements of Harmony to stop Nightmare Moon.”

She turned around with her back facing to the small group, her wings unfolded showing a diagonally slanting scar that ran along her back on the right side a few inches below her wings.

“For Celestia sake, please don’t ask me how I got this scar,” Rainbow said “ I have to tell you something first. Something that I haven’t even told Fluttershy –“

She paused as her ears laid flat to her head.

“It’s alright darling,” Rarity said, “take as much time as you need.”

“Thanks,” Rainbow said with a slight smile, her expression dropping as she came back to what she was going to say “I didn’t have the best relationship with my father. Up until last year, he was emotionally and mentally abusive and neglectful towards me. I tried to get at least get some positive recognition, but I was either ignored or he’d look at me…with nothing but disappointment.”

“How come you never told me what was going on?” asked Fluttershy.

“Because I knew you had your own problems with your father,” she replied, “I…I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“If your father ignored you,” Twilight asked, “How did you get that scar?”

“I said that it was up until last year,” Rainbow sighed exasperated “I’ll get to that soon enough.”

She paced for several minutes, gathering her previous train of thought before facing her friends again.

“N-nothing I did was good enough for him,” she said “No matter what I accomplished, he was always disappointed with me. As if I didn’t even deserve his time...”

Rainbow paced more as her hoof steps became more agitated.

“Take it easy, sugarcube,” Applejack said reassuringly “Take deep breaths and continue when ya feel ready. No pony is pressuring ya to continue when you don’t feel like it.”

“Thanks, AJ,” Rainbow said gratefully “just give me a few moments.”

Once calm she continued “As I was saying, he didn’t pay attention to me nor gave me any love.”

“What about your mother, darling?” asked Rarity.

The pegasus smiled at the mention of the older mare that had given her support since she was a foal.

“Windy Whistles was the best to me when I was growing up,” Rainbow said with a lighter tone in her voice than recalling the other parent “She supported me when I was upset or scared. I was encouraged to be proud of myself even if my father refused to be.”

“At least you had some happiness when you were a filly,” chimed Pinkie Pie.

“Yes there was some good in my life when I was younger,” Rainbow said “I just wish my father would be proud of me at least once or maybe gave me some attention though.”

“Not like that one time when he almost left me at an orphanage for adoption,” she mumbled.

“Yer own father just up and tried ta dump you off and leave you there?” exclaimed Applejack.

“Yes, AJ. My own father attempted to abandon me and give me away,” Rainbow replied “When I was no older than ten, he brought me to an orphanage. As usual, he said nothing to me on the way there. Not even to answer me when I asked where we were going, but he did smile as he told me to make friends with the colts and fillies there. But it was no ordinary smile. It was as if he was happy to have me taken off his hooves.”

“How did…you find out that he was just going to leave you there?” Twilight asked gently “For what reason did he have to abandon you?”

Rainbow’s eyes went shut as if in pain, as far as her friends were concerned, she might as well have been as the Pegasus held back silent sobs in her throat as they saw her shoulders heaving.

Twilight’s ears laid back in guilt knowing she had brought up something painful for Rainbow Dash.

“I…I’m sorry, Rainbow,” she said apologetically “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was such a sensitive subject.”

Her expression appeared as though she was having empathy pains for her friend, tears rolling down her face as she walked to the Pegasus and gave her a reassuring hug. Rainbow returned the hug crying into Twilight’s shoulder feeling gentle hooves stroking mane. Her own wiping the tears that fell down her face.

“I overheard him talking. He said to the headmaster that he didn’t want me…h-he never did!” she exclaimed “He never wanted a filly. He was going to get rid of me for something I couldn’t even control. Because I was a filly!”

By now, her silent tears and sobbing were now full-on crying, though she felt another pony hugging her other than Twilight. Fluutershy was hugging her and offering any comfort she could.

“Th-thanks, you two,” she ma managed through choked sobbing “thank you!”

“No problem, Dashie,” Fluttershy said, “Anything we can do to help.”

After some time, she felt better and was ready to continue.

“Things really snowballed from there,” Rainbow said “My mom confronted him on what happened that day. It began with accusations then escalated to a shouting match; I had never been so frightened in my whole life. The house felt cold to me, really cold as if Windigos would come in and freeze over Cloudsdale. Then something happened I didn’t expect to see…he struck my mom hard in the face with his hoof leaving a mark on her face and knocked her to the ground. I tried to defend her, but what could a ten-year-old filly do against a full-grown stallion more than twice my size? He paused…for a brief moment I thought he was going to have a change of heart, maybe apologize to us both for his actions. But I was wrong…oh mane I was so wrong! He…he hurt me emotionally. He shamed me for being a girl!”

Rainbow’s posture stooped with her ears back and her shoulders slumped. As she sat on the ground, it took her longer to recover from what happened little over a decade ago.

“He..he said “this is all your fault you fucking little bitch! If you weren’t a filly none of this would have even happened!”. Then he just looked at me with the most intense stare of disappointment I had ever seen from him, I was so frightened that I had no choice but to run back to my room crying. I didn’t want to be in the room with him or anywhere near him at all. I was scared that he would hurt me again. From that fear, I did what I could to maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t lash out at me. I cut my mane short, I got into sports…I hoped that he would see me as his own blood and not just some disappointment! Nothing I did seemed to get his attention in a positive direction. I got awards for what I did and even graduated earlier than the other pegasi in flight school for crying out loud! But nothing was ever good enough for him, I was and always will be nothing but a disappointment to him!”

“What happened when you got home after graduating, darling?” asked Rarity.

“As I returned home, the house was dark, I couldn’t see anything. But I felt somepony bucking me to the ground,” Rainbow continued “I was knocked into the table and the breath was knocked out of my lungs. I was in shock, both emotionally and physically not understanding who or what was trying to hurt me. As I started to recover enough, I managed to get out from under the same set of hooves trying to stomp me to the ground. I recognized the dark coat of my father. I asked him why he was doing this.”

“What was his answer, sugarcube?” asked Applejack.

“He said that I was a disappointment to him and…and I never should have been born! It went from him just being disappointed that I wasn’t the fucking colt he wanted to just plain hatred towards me for breathing the same air as he did,” Rainbow replied “ I managed to pick myself up and run to my room but not before he told me that I was kicked out and had until tomorrow to leave or else he would force me to. I hadn’t realized that I was hurt that badly until I laid down on my bed and felt the gash on my back. To this day it still hurts from time to time, that’s pretty much how I got it and –“

Before she could finish, she felt the other five hugging her in a massive group hug.

“We accept you no matter what, Rainbow,” Twilight said, “You’ll always be our friend.”