The elements of metal

by sykko

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Main 6, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 41325

The elements of metal will be revealed and they shall unite creating Equestria's most righteous band.

The unicorn Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most prized student, comes across comes across a prophecy detailing seven magical objects known as the Elements of Metal that is said to bring righteousness and brutality to the land of Equestria. On her way to Ponyville she meets a rather odd earth pony mare named Thrasher, who seems more concerned with practicing her guitar, drinking beer and throwing the empty cans at the heads of ponies.

Starring:
On drums, Applejack a.k.a. Rotten Apple the Element of sick beats.
On lead guitar, Rarity a.k.a. Black Diamond the Element of face melting solos.
On bass, Fluttershy a.k.a. Shrieker the Element of windmilling.
On keyboard/turntables, Pinkie Pie a.k.a. Face Punch the Element of moshing.
On rhythm guitar, Rainbow Dash a.k.a. Tornado the Element of headbanging.
On vocals, Twilight Sparkle a.k.a. Black Magic the Element of growling.
On secondary lead/rhythm guitar and back-up vocals, Thrasher the Element of brutality a.k.a. the one who drinks beer and throws the empties at ponies heads.

And together they form Mystic Princess, but they are thinking of changing the name.
*****************************************************************************************
This an comedic alt. universe story that will follow major plots from the show and a few of my own creation. This isn't meant to be taken seriously and is written for fun.
Rated T for mild vulgarity, crude humor, groupies, the consumption of alcohol and other substances and badly written pony-punned heavy metal lyrics.

I may add other tags in the future as needed.

Published 2020-07-07 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-15 02:23:59 UTC

The Elements of metal and the return of Popstar Moon

In Celestia's school for Talented Unicorns and Musicians, music could be heard pouring out from many of the classrooms, styles ranging from classical to country to experimental non-form jazz to punk rock to hip hop to heavy metal and many styles between.

The lavender unicorn Twilight Sparkle sat in her study tower/recording studio reading a book on the musical history of Equestria. "One thousand years ago two sisters had discovered a new style of music called heavy metal and they formed a band with both of them as frontmares. For a time all was righteous as they played to sold out venues as harmony and awesome guitar solos ruled the land.", she read out loud, "But it was not to last. The younger sister jealous of the elder sister's sick guitar licks and demanded more praise from the audiences. The younger sister fell to the temptations of cheap, heartless, talent-less soulless, flashy style with no substance and became the diva known as Popstar Moon who threatened to banish all the creativity from the land. A confrontation between the two sisters lead to a battle and the older sister had had to banish the younger sister to the moon, where she became the mare in the moon."

Twilight gasped before continuing, "On the thousandth reunion tour, the stars shall assist in her return for her quest to banish all creativity from the land and replace all music with bland, uncreative, mass produced music. Only the Elements of Metal can defeat her and protect all the music of the land." Looking up from the book, Twilight shouted for her assistant, agent and producer, "Spike! Spike!"

A purple dragon with green frills, wearing a pair of bronze sunglasses and texting on a phone walked up. "Good news Twily, I've got you a chance to play at a local club with Minuet, Lemonheart, Lyra Heartstrings, Twinkleshine and Moondancer. This could be your big break. Many studios would offer you top bit contracts, especially given you vocal range and being the personal student of Princess Celestia."

"No time Spike!", Twilight said frantically, "Get me the book on magical prophesies and musical portents!"

"You sure?", Spike asked, then sighed, "Of course you're sure. I'll just text them that you can't make it again." After sending the text, he climbed the ladder on the bookcase to look for the book. "I think I found it!", he said pulling the heavy book from the shelf, before slipping from the ladder.

Twilight caught Spike and the book in her magic Spike's phone however didn't fair so well as it smacked into the floor, shattering the screen. "Aw! That was a five hundred bit phone!", Spike exclaimed.

Twilight muttered to herself incoherently as she flipped through the book. "Spike!", she shouted, "Send a text to Princess Celestia!"

Spike pointed to his shattered phone. "Unless you know a spell to repair my phone or can pull five hundred bits out of your ponut, I kinda can't."

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Fine! Take a letter." After Spike had gotten a quill and parchmentm Twilight began dictating the letter, "Dear Princess Celestia, I am sending you this letter with utmost urgency. There is a very dire predicament..."

"Pre...pre...dick mints?", Spike asked confused.

"Just substitute it for problem!", Twilight snapped. After Spike had finished writing, she continued dictating the letter, "The dangerous villain known as Popstar Moon is returning to banish all creativity from all of Equestria. Please advise. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle -Dictated, not read."

After Spike finished writing the letter, he rolled it up and sent it away with a puff of fire. "It's the waiting that kills me.", Spike said, "You know we could have received the message already if you had saved my phone too."

After several minutes of waiting, Spike's stomach heaved and he burped up green flames, a rolled up letter materialized. Taking the letter in his hand, he unrolled it and read it, "My faithful student Twilight Sparkle, You don't need to waste yourself in those dusty old books filled with legends and old mare's tales. I feel you're wasting your magical and vocal potential locking yourself away in that tower/recording studio, never sending out your demos or making friends or band mates. I'm sending down to this righteous town called Ponyville to assist in setting up my thousandth reunion concert. I want you while you're there to make some friends and band mates. I also want you to live a little while down there, do something like drink a beer, smoke a bowl, maybe snort a rail, if you're feeling adventurous spike some scag in you veins, but most important MAKE SOME FRIENDS. Your magical and vocal teacher, Princess Celestia

"What?!", Twilight exclaimed, "You must have read that wrong! Let me read it!" She snatched the letter in her magic and mumbled the words as she read it, "Make some friends." Shaking her head, she sighed.

Spike belched again and a list materialized.

"Let's go the train station.", Twilight sighed in a defeated tone.

As Twilight and Spike sat in the train car on their way to Ponyville, Twilight was lost. *crack* *pssh* The sound of a beer can opening snapped Twilight out of her thoughts. Looking over, she saw an earth pony mare with a dark grey coat, a red pentagram cutie mark, a two-tone black and green mane, multiple piercings in her ears, lips and one in her eyebrow. The mare was cradling an old, well worn electric guitar like it was a baby while drinking the can of beer.

The earth pony mare looks over at Twilight and says, "See somethin' you like?"

Twilight flushed with embarrassment and scoffed. "I was just looking at you guitar. It looks kinda old and beaten up."

The earth pony downed the beer in several quick gulps and threw the empty at Twilight's head. It connected with a *bonk*. "Hey!", Twilight snapped, "Why'd you do that!"

The earth pony looked to Twilight saying, "Don't insult the harp! I know old Lucy ain't all shiny like the new Trottocasters, but she's got something they don't, personality. Insult me all you want, but don't ever insult the harp again."

Twilight looked to the floor. I'm sorry.", she said dejectedly, "I didn't mean to insult your guitar, I'm just having a bad day." An unopened landed in the seat next to her.

"Drink it. It may not make you feel better, but it'll help you forget your problems for a minute.", the earth pony said, "The name's Thrasher by the way." She pulled out another beer seemingly from nowhere and cracked it open.

Twilight took the unopened beer in her magic, cracked it open and took a sip. "My name's Twilight Sparkle.", she said, "Princess Celestia is sending me down to Ponyville to help set up for her reunion concert."

"I don't care about your backstory.", Thrasher said, "Just shut up, drink the beer and we'll get fucked up together on the way to Ponyville."

Spike tapped his chin. "Hmm, Thrasher. I've heard of you. A few months ago I tried to set up a gig with you and Twily here. But she decided to not take it up."

"That was totally geh that you bailed on a gig.", Thrasher said.

Twilight looked over to Thrasher. "Isn't that a little homophobic?"

"I didn't say gay, I said geh.", Thrasher said indignantly.

"What's the difference?"

"Gay is good.", Thrasher said, "Gay means you might meet a hottie and go on a fun date, then that evening...eyebrows eyebrows! Geh is bad, like when someone pulls a total dick move or bails on a gig or wusses out or even c-blocks or v-blocks you."

"I'm sorry I backed out of that gig.", Twilight said.

"It didn't turn out all bad.", Thrasher retorted, "I managed to set up a last minute gig with that dubstep dj known as DJ Pon3. After the show we railed a couple of lines and I introduced her to this hot cellist called Octavia. Don't worry about that gig, what's done is done. Let's get drunk while we're on this boring ass train ride." She downed the beer and tossed the empty across the car, then began practicing on the guitar while pulling out another beer.

After Twilight finished her beer, she looked over to Thrasher and said, "If you don't mind me asking, why are you going to Ponyville?"

"*hic* Celestia assed me to play in her bnd.*hic*", Thrasher slurred drunkenly, "Siderin' tht m originally frm there an gotta cousin living ther, figured*hic* why the Tartaus not. Fore I*hic* the show starts m gonna get my party on." As she stares with bleary eyes at the guitar as she pulls out another beer, cracks it open and begins drinking it down.

"Don't you think you've had enough?", Twilight asked concerned, "You already-OW!" An empty can bouncing off her head interrupted her.

"Llllooook here you three!*hic*", Thrasher slurred, "IIIII'll tell you wwwwhhheeeennnn I..." She slumped in seat snoring.

The remainder of the ride to Ponyville went silently, with the exception of Thrasher snoring in her stupor. When the train came to a stop, Thrasher lurched out of her stupor saying, "If I work the fields can I get more of that rock liquor Aunt Quartz?" She looked around seeing she was in the train car.

Spike and Twilight stepped off the train, while Thrasher stumbled off.

"Alright Spike, what's first on the checklist?", Twilight asked.

"Hmm...", Spike hummed as he looked over the list, "...first we have to go to Sweet Apple Acres to see about the drums, food and...marijuana?"

Thrasher perked up at the mention marijuana. "Let's go! That apple green is supposed to be primo stuff!"

Twilight sighed as they made their way over to Sweet Apple Acres.

As they reached Sweet Apple Acres, they were greeted by an orange earth pony mare with blonde mane, three red apples on her flank as a cutie mark and a stetson on her head. "Howdy y'all.", she said in a pleasant country tone, "Th' name's Applejack. Ah wanna welcome y'all tuh Sweet Apple Acres. What're y'all'ses names?"

Twilight spoke up, "My name's Twilight Sparkle...", she pointed to Spike, "This is Spike, my assistant, agent and producer and this is....", she pointed to Thrasher grumbling.

"Ah Already know Thrasher.", Applejack said, "So why're y'all here?"

Twilight began talking in her most professional tone, "I'm here to check on the drums, food...", she paused looking uncomfortable, "...and the marijuana."

"Hoo-wee! Well why didn't y'all say so?!", Applejack exclaimed in a happy tone, "C'mon an' we'll get y'all introduced right proper-like!" She grabbed Twilight by the fetlock, dragging her further into Sweet Apple Acres and stopped at a flatbed wagon with an impressive drum kit set up on it.

Twilight stared in awe at the drum kit. She shook her head to regain her composure. "Looks impressive, who's going to play them and are they any good?"

"Ah'm gonna be bangin' th' skins!", Applejack said jamming her hoof into her chest, "Now here's a taste of what yer gonna see at th' concert tumarrah!" She jumped up on the wagon, pulled out two drumsticks and began playing a blistering drum solo.

Twilight stared in awe as the very air around her seemed to vibrate with the beats. As a mechanism under the drum kit lifted it up and tipped it on its side, Twilight flopped to her flanks in stunned silence as the drum solo intensified. Once Applejack had finished her solo and the drums settled back onto the original position, she jumped down. "Tha's jus' a lil taste of what y'all c'n expect tumarrah."

Twilight just stared in awe. "Wow." She blinked a few time and regained her composure. "So what about the...uh...um...marijuana?"

Thrasher grinned with joy as Applejack held a hoof up to her mouth and shouted, "Smoke's on everypony!" Dozens of member of the Apple family came up with joints, pipes and bongs.

"Oh! Um. I don't think I should.", Twilight said.

"Don't be geh! Hit that shit, smoke that shit, get high!", Thrasher said taking a joint. She lit the joint, took a long drag and blew out the smoke. "Ah yeah! That's the good shit! All they got in Canterlot is ditch weed." She passed the joint to Twilight.

As Thrasher and Twilight began sampling the various strains offered, Applejack said, "We got Appleloosa skunky, Dodge Junction crystal buds, purple sticky fuzz, Ponyville sticky and...", she pulled a joint from the brim of her stetson, "...Granny Smith's own personal crop, apple green."

After the two ponies and dragon had finished sampling the strains, food was brought out as Applejack said almost singing, "We got apple brown betty, baked apples, caramel apples, candied apples, apple strudel, apple cake, apple crumble, apple fritters and of course apple pie!" The two stoned ponies and dragon had the munchies as they gobbled the food.

Thrasher, Twilight and Spike staggered away from Sweet Apple Acres, their bellies bulging from the food and their bloodshot from the various strains they had sampled.

Thrasher smacked her mouth as she talked, "Don't know about you, but I'm stoned off my plot." She took out a beer, cracked it open and began drinking it to cure her cotton mouth.

Twilight's eyes went wide with joy. "Yas!", she exclaimed, "Gimme one! My mouth is sooo dry!"

Thrasher chuckled as she tossed Twilight a beer.

After chugging the beer, Twilight felt a little more clear-headed. "What's next on the list Spike?"

"We're supposed to see somepony called Pinkie Pie about the after-party and the turntables.", Spike said reading the list.

As the three walked through town, they came across a pink earth pony mare with a poofy mane. "Excuse me?", Twilight said, "Can you direct us to..."

The pink pony let out a loud gasp interrupting Twilight as she levitated off the ground. She darted off with a woop.

"Uh...is she high?", Twilight asked.

Thrasher just shrugged. "Can't tell with her."

"What's next on the list Spike?"

Looking over the checklist, Spike said, "We need to see a pony name Rainbow Dash about the weather and rhythm guitar."

Walking across the bridge, Twilight heard an electric guitar playing scales with heavy distortion. Looking up she saw a cyan pegasus with rainbow mane sitting on a cloud playing a shiny new Trottocaster. Twilight cleared her throat to get the pegasus' attention, "Are you Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow unplugged her guitar, slung it across her back and flew down to the ground. "Yeah I'm the Rainbow Dash! Ya heard of me?"

"You're supposed to be in charge of the weather and rhythm guitar?", Twilight looking up to the sky, "It doesn't look like you're doing a very good job."

Rainbow buffed a hoof against her coat, "Yeah! Yeah! I'll get to it once I finish practicing my guitar and flying. I'm going to be a Wonderbolt."

"You mean the expert musician flyers?", Twilight said with a smirk, "I don't think they'll take a pegasus who can't keep the clouds clear for one afternoon."

"I can clear this sky in ten seconds flat.", Rainbow said with a confidant smirk.

Twilight narrowed her eyes and smirked, "Prove it!"

Rainbow took off in a cyan blur with a rainbow contrail. Twilight stared in disbelief as the sky was cleared in eight seconds. When Rainbow landed, she accidentally bumped into Twilight, knocking her into a mud puddle.

"Oops!", Rainbow said as she helped Twilight back to her hooves. "Here let me help dry you off with the patent-pending Rain-blo dry." She flew around Twilight creating a mini rainbow tornado. After landing, Twilight's mane and tail were all poofed up in a strange style twisted style. "Heh! There ya go, all dry."

Walking off, Twilight looked to Spike, "What's next on the list?"

"We're supposed to see a pony named Rarity about setting up the stage and lead guitar."

When they entered town hall, they were greeted by the sound of complex rhythms of a guitar. Inside was an alabaster unicorn, with an expertly coiffed mane, a cutie mark of three diamonds on her flank, in her blue magical aura floated an exquisite flying V guitar. As she played the guitar she simultaneously levitated amp stacks, lighting rigs, skulls and ribbons. Once finished setting up and decorating the stage, she turned her attention fully to her guitar. As she began playing a crescendo of expert licks, suddenly it sounded as if two guitars began playing at once, the music rose into a blistering solo that made Twilight's face feel so hot, that she raised a hoof to shield it.

"So beautiful! So Talented!", Spike said, his tongue hanging out and his eyes hearts.

Once the alabaster unicorn finished playing, Twilight asked, "Are you Rarity?"

Rarity flipped her mane once and flipped her guitar onto her back. "Why yes I am darling."

A pink blur popped up out of no where as the words came from it, "I need your help Thrasher!" Thrasher and the pink blur disappeared.

Rarity looked at Twilight, "Oh my darling, that coiffure is most definitely not righteous. Come with me to my shop and I'll help you get it righteous." After she took Twilight to her shop, Carousel Topic, she set Twilight in front of a mirror, fixing her mane. "So darling where are you from?"

"I'm from Canterlot, here to help Princess Celestia setting up her reunion concert.", Twilight said dragging a hoof across the floor.

Rarity gasped as her eyelids fluttered, "Well why didn't you say so darling?! You only deserve the best I can offer you!" She put a black canvas suit on Twilight, covered in straps and buckles. "Hmm, no. Not quite you." Taking the suit off, she put a black lace choker around Twilight's neck and a pair of black hooflets with steel studs around her fetlocks. "Closer." Rarity took the choker and hooflets off Twilight, then placed a vintage black faux leather jacket with small steel domes on the collar. "Perfect!"

"Thank you, but I didn't bring any bits with me.", Twilight said.

"No bother.", Rarity said, "On the house darling. Consider it a bit of compensation, considering you've been around Thrasher all day. She's nice and all, but she can be...what's the proper term...abrasive."

"Well thank you for the jacket.", Twilight said, "Spike, what's next on the list?" When Spike didn't respond because he was rutting Rarity with his eyes, Twilight smacked him across the head. "Spike! The list!"

Spike rubbed his head, "Okay! Okay! Geez! We're supposed to see a pony named Fluttershy about bass and the musical arrangements."

As Twilight and Spike made their way to a cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest, the sounds of a bass guitar came over the hills. Twilight and Spike ducked into a bush. Peeking out they saw a butter yellow pegasus with a pink mane and three pink butterflies on her flank, plucking and slapping a bass guitar with her wings, her eyes were closed with a look of serene bliss on her face, as the animals around her grooved to the tasty bass licks.

Twilight hypnotized by the tasty bass licks, swayed to the music until she lost her footing and fell out of the bush. The yellow pegasus stopped playing and ducked behind the amp. Twilight regained her footing and walked up to the amp while the pegasus peeked around it nervously. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I've never heard somepony play bass as good as you before.", Twilight said, "What's your name?"

*mumble mumble*

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.", Twilight said, "Could repeat that again."

*mumble mumble squeak mumble*

"Uh, okay.", Twilight said, "Well I'm Twilight sparkle. It...uh...looks like you have the bass and musical arrangement taken care of."

As Twilight turned to walk away, Spike stuck his head out of the bush, "Is everything okay Twi?"

The yellow pegasus gasped and flew over to Spike. "Oh my, a baby dragon! I've never seen a baby dragon before!"

Spike puffed out his chest. "Yep, that's me! The name's Spike. I'm Twilight's assistant, producer and agent.", he said, "If I can ever to take any gigs."

"I never knew a dragon could also be an assistant, producer and agent!", the yellow pegasus said excitedly, "My name's Fluttershy."

Spike passed Fluttershy his card. "Hit me up sometime if you wanna get any good gigs. Say how did you get so good at bass?"

Fluttershy ducked behind her mane and said softly, "Oh! Um! I-I've always been good a bass, though my passion is taking care of animals."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Always looking to get a new client, eh Spike?"

"It's called networking Twilight.", Spike said.

"I guess sneaking off to smoke ditch weed with Moondancer is 'networking'?", Twilight said sarcastically.

"Well if you'd commit to a gig, maybe I wouldn't have to network so much.", Spike quipped.

Twilight grumbled to herself as Fluttershy and Spike chatted among each other, while she walked to Golden Oaks library and record shop. Twilight stepped into the dark library/record shop, "Where's the light switch?"

The lights came on and ponies jumped out shouting, "Surprise!" Well all the ponies except for Thrasher and Roseluck, who were too busy having a drunken make-out session.

The pink pony jumped in front of Twilight, "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! When I saw you in town, I knew I didn't know you and I knew everypony in town and I didn't know you and I knew that because you didn't know anypony that meant you didn't have any friends and that made me sad and I didn't want you to be sad, so I grabbed everypony from around town and threw you a welcome to Ponyville party."

"Pinkie, give the filly some room to breathe.", Applejack said. "Welcome to Ponyville sugarcube." She extended a hoof.

Twilight went over to the table and picked up a bottle, pouring some liquid in a cup. Her eyes began to water as her face went red. She jumped in the screaming, "Yah! I'm on fire!" She ran to kitchen, stuck her head under the kitchen and started chugging water.

Pinkie picked up the bottle of hot sauce and began chugging it. When the other ponies looked at her weird, she said "What?! It's not that hot! It's really good!"

As the party continued, Twilight made her way upstairs to her room. Smoke, the smell of booze, loud music and sounds of sex crept up the stairs.

Spike walked in the room. "You're missing a great party Twilight!", he said, "That Thrasher can really party. She put three mares and two stallions into sex comas, then drained three kegs by herself. Now she's passed out in the toilet bowl."

Twilight looked up annoyed, "Is everypony in this town crazy?!" She looked at the moon as saw the mare in the moon slowly fade, "Don't they know Popstar Moon is coming to steal all the creativity?!"

"Well I'm going back down to the party.", Spike said, "You should join and let your mane down a little. You should do like Celestia said and have a little fun, maybe you could make a few friends." When Twilight didn't answer, he just shrugged and went back to the party.

As the party wound down, the ponies filtered out of Golden Oaks and made their way to the stage where Celestia was doing her thousandth reunion concert. Twilight made her way downstairs and pulled Thrasher out of the toilet bowl. She smacked Thrasher a few time and splashed water on her face to wake her up. "Come on!", Twilight snapped, "Get off your drunken plot! We've got a concert to perform at!"

Thrasher groaned as she staggered out of Golden Oaks library and record store, grabbing her guitar on the way out.

Ponies gathered around the stage as the seven pony musicians prepared for the signal to join Celestia on stage after she opened with her signature blistering solo.

Mayor Mare stood to the side of the stage preparing to announce the beginning of the concert. "Mares and gentlestallions!", she said in a loud voice, "I present to you our most righteous princess opening with her signature solo, Princess Celestia!"

The curtains opened and ponies gasped at the empty stage.

Mayor Mare stamped her hoof and said again in a loud voice, "Our most righteous guitarist, Princess Celestia!"

There was a puff of smoke and a glitter of sequins as a pitch black alicorn mare wearing a gaudy pink sequined body suit, cheesy glitter smeared on her face, cheap hot pink dye sprayed in her flowing mane that looked like the night sky. "Greetings my adoring fans!", she exclaimed in a fake joyous tone. An empty beer can sailed through the air and bounced off her head.

"Get off the stage!", Thrasher shouted.

"What's the matter? You don't recognize me? Your ruler and pop sensation?", Popstar Moon said.

Thrasher threw another empty can and shouted, "Next!"

"What did you do with Princess Celestia?!", Rainbow Dash shouted. As she went to fly towards the stage, Applejack grabbed her tail in her teeth.

"Hold on there filly!"

Twilight stepped forward in an aggressive stance, narrowing her eyes. "I know who you are.", she growled, "You're the most unrighteous Popstar Moon!"

Popstar Moon placed a hoof to her chest, "I'm moved! One of my fans recognize me! Allow me to perform for all of you my new single." She ducked another beer can thrown at her head. "Will you stop that?!"

Thrasher took out a bottle of beer. "I've got plenty more where this came from." She twisted the cap off and began drinking the beer.

Popstar Moon transformed into a cloud of glitter and flew off into the Everfree Forest.

During the panic, Twilight made her way back to Golden Oaks with Spike in tow. Twilight began pouring books. "No, not in this one! Not in this one either! Ugh! Do any of these books have anything on the Elements of metal?!", she exclaimed.

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie burst through the front door of Golden Oaks, Thrasher staggered in, drinking another beer and tossing the empty aside.

"How do you know about Popstar Moon?!", Rainbow demanded getting in Twilight's face, "Are you a spy?! Are you here to help her?! Huh?! Huh?!"

Applejack pulled Rainbow back. "She ain't no spy, Rainbow! But Ah think she knows the most about what's goin' on."

"So what is going on here darling?", Rarity asked, "Who is this Popstar Moon? And why does she have such...", she made a gagging sound as she made a gesture of pointing her hoof at her throat, "...unrighteous style?"

Twilight frantically flipped through books. "That's Popstar Moon!", she exclaimed, "She's an old enemy of Princess Celestia who wants to take away all creativity and replace all music with bland, soulless, heartless mass produced music. The only way she can be stopped is with some mystic artifacts called the Elements of metal. But I can't seem to find anything about them here in these books."

Thrasher slumped against the wall, snoring in a drunken stupor, causing all the ponies to momentarily look over at her.

"Great, she's passed out drunk again.", Rainbow said in an aggravated tone, "I'll wake her up." She scooped thrasher up in her forelimbs and took her to the bathroom.

"I found a book on the Elements of metal!", Pinkie said excitedly.

"Where did you find it?!", Twilight asked in a surprised tone.

"It was under E silly!"

Rainbow dropped Thrasher in tub, aimed the shower head at her and turned on the cold water. She slapped Thrasher across the face shouting, "Wake your drunken plot up! We don't have time to keep tending to you! We've got a bad pony to find and kick the crap out of!"

Thrasher groaned and put a hoof to her head as she blinked her bleary, unfocused eyes.

Twilight quickly flipped through the book until she reached the desired section. She read out loud, The Elements of metal are currently stored in the old abandoned recording studio of the two sisters somewhere deep in the Everfree Forest. The Elements of metal are sick beats, face melting solos, windmilling, moshing, headbanging and vocals. When the six are gathered together, the seventh will be revealed, the Element of brutality. After the seven elements come together, they will protect all the music of Equestria and form a most righteous band." Twilight looked up from the book, "I know what I have to do!" She bolted out the door and to the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Twilight paused before entering. Turning her head back, she saw the remaining six running up with instruments and portable amps strapped to their backs. "I can't ask you to go in there with me, it's too dangerous!"

"Sugercube, ya couldn't make us turn back, not matter how hard ya tried.", Applejack said.

"So you really plan on going in there?", Rainbow asked, "It just seems so unnatural. Clouds and weather move on their own."

"And animals take care of themselves.", Fluttershy squeaked.

"And it's just so...icky.", Rarity said.

"I think it's fuckin' metal!", Thrasher said.

As the seven of them entered into the forest, a cloud of glitter watched them from the shadows, before zipping ahead. The cloud of flew into a wolf den.

As the group made their way through the forest, red glowed from the shadows and a pack of slavering wolves stepped into the clearing.

Applejack, Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie shivered when they looked at the slavering predators. Thrasher threw an empty can of beer, hitting the lead wolf in the head, angering the pack. "Well I'm out of ideas.", Thrasher said, "Guess we're fucked."

Fluttershy stepped up, plugging her bass guitar into her portable amp. Taking the bass in her wings, she began plucking and and slapping the strings. As the wolves began swaying to the bass groove, she began picking up the tempo until she had a heavy, high energy groove. Fluttershy gritted her teeth as she began spinning her head in a windmill pattern and her long mane flying in a circle. The wolves eyes flickered from red, back to their normal yellow and then went crossed as they were hypnotized by the windmilling pegasus. Once Fluttershy finished playing the bass, the wolves all howled and left the clearing.

The remainder of the group stared in disbelief, except for Thrasher who just cracked open another beer. In the branches above, the glittery cloud sneered at the seven ponies and flew off into a group of trees down the path.

As the seven ponies walked through the path, their stomachs began to growl. The branches of the trees drooped down bearing fruit pleasing to the eyes. As six of the group reached up to grab the fruit in their teeth, Pinkie paused, her Pinkie sense told her something was wrong. Soon enough her concerns were confirmed when the six ponies ate the fruit and began arguing amongst each other, soon they started shoving each other and a few punches started flying.

Pinkie quickly hooked up her portable turntables and keyboard. She quickly began sampling a heavy beat until she had compiled what she need and began using her junglist skills. The six ponies stopped arguing and fighting as the beat began taking hold of them. The six ponies started jumping up and down, before running in circles and slamming into each other. As the six ponies continued moshing, they slammed into the trees, knocking the fruit from the branches and crushed it under hoof. Once pinkie finished her set, the six ponies slumped to the ground out of breath.

When thrasher took out a beer, the other five gestured for one. After they had drank the beers and tossed the empties away, they continued down the path. The glittery cloud watched from a nearby thicket, growling to itself before flying further ahead.

As the group continued down the path, a massive minotaur manifested out of the shadows, wearing a brightly colored spandex body suit, multicolored grease paint was slathered on his face and a neon orange codpiece on its groin. A lime green guitar appeared in his hands and he began strumming out a solo, vines shot out entangling the legs and hooves of the seven ponies.

Once the minotaur finished his solo, Rarity said, "Impressive darling, but let me show you how a proper lady does a solo." She hooked up her guitar and began playing. Her notes started out simple, but began increasing in complexity and tempo, soon her guitar began to sound like three guitars playing at once. As the solo began entering into screeching and grinding of distortion, the air began to heat up and the vines caught fire, causing them to recoil. Rarity stalked forward, her solo getting heavy as she strummed out tasty licks. The minotaur's body suit began to smoke as his grease paint began to melt, he placed his hands to his face screaming. Rarity finished her solo with a long warbling note as she ran her tongue along the strings. The minotaur fell to his knees as the flesh dripped from his face, with one last strum of her guitar, the minotaur fell over dead, the flesh of its face sizzling as it pooled on the ground, its body evaporated in a puff of glitter.

After Rarity put her guitar away, the group continued through the forest, the glittery cloud in the tree tops fumed before flying ahead.

The seven ponies continued down the path until a group of timberwolves blocked their path. Applejack too the drum machine off her back and hooked it up. As she played her drum solo, the very air began to vibrate, causing the timberwolves to stare back and forth at each other in confusion. Soon the leaves on the trees began to vibrate, then the tress and finally the ground. Applejack began floating in the air as the vibrations made her levitate. The timberwolves began to back up in fear until the came to the edge of a cliff, the vibrations from the drum solo made cracks from along the edge of the cliff and it collapsed, taking the terrified timberwolves with it.

The Glittery cloud raged as it watched the seven ponies continue on. It flew in silence ahead of the group.

In a clearing, the seven ponies came across bunnies and flowers singing a happy song as they danced. When the ponies tried to walk around the, more popped up blocking their path, when they tried to step over them, the bit and nipped their fetlocks.

Rainbow Dash growed in anger at the happy singing bunnies and flowers. She pulled out her guitar, hooked it up and began strumming out notes. Rainbow quickly went into a heavy solo as she thrashed her head back and forth, sending her rainbow main whipping wildly. The bunnies shrunk from the headbanging pegasus playing the heavy licks as the flowers began to try and uproot themselves to run. Soon the bunnies and flowers stopped singing and began headbanging as the music took control of them. When Rainbow finished playing, whipping her mane back one last time, the bunnies scattered into the undergrowth and the flowers wilted.

The glitter cloud snarled in anger as it watched the seven ponies walk on and it flew ahead.

As the ruins of the studio of the two sisters came into view, several boulders tumbled from the cliff in a landslide, blocking their path. Twilight pulled a microphone out of her jacket. She began singing into the microphone, her vocals starting almost angelic before she dipped into her fryes and they became deep, growling tones. Twilight shifted from a deep growl to high pig squeal and the boulders cracked apart, crumbling into pebbles.

The seven ponies entered into the ruins of the studio of the two sisters and entered into the crumbling throne room. On a pedestal stood six stylized stone skulls. The ponies took them down and set them in a group.

"Alright everypony, let's step outside to give Twi some time tuh figure figure this here element business out.", Applejack said, "'Sides Thrasher, ya need a lil bit to dry out an' sober up."

Thrasher bounced an empty off Applejack's head. "I'll tell you when I'm ready to sober up."

"Fer th' sake o' this mission, Ah'll let that pass fer now.", Applejack said walking outside, "But when we get back, yer gonna have an intimate conversation with my hoof."

Twilight studied the six stylized stone skulls, trying to find a way to activate them. "Come on! Come on!", she said exasperatedly as she began casting every spell she knew, "One of these has to unlock you!"

Popstar Moon appeared in a puff of glittery smoke, causing Twilight to yelp in surprise.

The six outside heard Twilight yelp and they ran back inside, seeing Popstar Moon. Thrasher threw the empty beer bottle she had been saving since Ponyville, hitting Popstar Moon, causing it to shatter as she staggered away.

Popstar Moon glared at Thrasher. "Seriously, I told you to stop that!"

Thrasher cracked open another beer, downed it and prepared to huck the empty. Popstar Moon teleported herself, Thrasher and the six stone elements to a nearby tower with a stage. "Did you think you could continuously throw trash at me?", Popstar Moon scoffed, she ducked as Thrasher threw the empty.

Thrasher darted around the room, downing beers and throwing the empties as Popstar Moon fired blasts of magic.

Looking out the window, the six saw flashes of light from the nearby tower and took off towards it.

Thrasher skidded to a stop hearing the other six coming up the stairs. She glared at Popstar Moon snorting and drug her hoof across the ground.

"You can't be serious.", Popstar Moon scoffed, "Look at yourself, you're drunk and you can barely stand."

Thrasher smiled. "I'm not that drunk." She charged at Popstar Moon, who counter charged. Thrasher pulled another beer, shook it and went into a slide. Cracking open the beer, it sprayed into Popstar Moon's face, causing her yelp in surprise. thrasher slid up to stage where the stone elements were. "You made me waste perfectly good beer!", she snarled, throwing the half-can in anger.

Popstar Moon wiped the last of the beer from her eyes and lit the magic in her horn, levitating the stone elements over to her. With a stomp of her hoof, she shattered the stone skulls and threw her head back in triumph laughing.

The six ponies ran into the room and gasped in shock, seeing the shattered stone skulls. "It can't be!", Twilight exclaimed.

"Mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaa!", Popstar Moon laughed in triumph, "Yes my little ponies! Now the bland music will last forever."

Thrasher smirked. "That's where you're mistaken unrighteous one!" She strummed her guitar and the fragments levitated up off the floor and began circling the six ponies.

The first element attached to Applejack, becoming a spiked hooflet. Her stetson disappeared as it was replaced by a dirty red bandanna and a Ponytera tank top appeared on her body. Thrasher shouted, "On drums, the element of sick beats, Rotten Apple!" A magical drum kit appeared in front of Rotten Apple.

The second element attached to Fluttershy, becoming a nose piercing. Her mane became black with a pink stripe, a Maretallica T-shirt appeared on her body. "On bass, the element of windmilling, Shrieker!" A magical bass appeared in front of Shrieker.

The third element attached to Rarity, becoming a black leather choker with steel spikes. Her make-up became corpse paint as a black canvas body suit appeared on her body. "On lead guitar, the element of face melting solos Black Diamond!" A magical vintage guitar appeared before Black Diamond.

The fourth element attached to Pinkie, becoming a gas mask. A jumpsuit appeared on her body. "On keyboard and turntable, the element of moshing Face Punch!" A magical keyboard and turntable rig appeared before Face Punch.

The fifth element attached to Rainbow, becoming a steel chain shirt. Her mane became long dreadlocks. "On rhythm guitar, the element of headbanging Tornado!" A magical flying V guitar appeared in front of Tornado.

The sixth element attached to Twilight, becoming a headband. Spikes sprouted from her jacket and her mane became a long and flowing. "On lead vocals, the element of growling Black Magic!" A magical microphone floated into Black Magic's hooves.

"But that's only six elements! You need seven!", Popstar Moon shouted.

Thrasher help up her guitar. "It's been here all along!" She tosses it up into the air and it transforms from the battered guitar into a shining black guitar with a large red pentagram on it. "I, Thrasher am the element of brutality!" The other six levitated onto the stage as a banner reading "Mystic Princess" appeared.

Rotten Apple clacked her drumsticks together, "One! Two! One! Two Three! Four!" As they started playing, Popstar Moon tried to push forward, but was hurled back by a wall of sound. The music blasted the glitter, make-up and spray-on hair dye off Popstar Moon, she screamed. As Black Magic began growling into the mic, a stream of multicolored pentagrams launched from the stage and enveloped Popstar Moon.

"No! No!", Popstar Moon screamed as the pentagrams surrounded her.

The eyes of the seven ponies glowed red as towering specters of skeletal ponies stood over the stage. When they hit their finale, pyrotechnics exploded around the stage, and the room shook violently as a massive storm raged above with flashes of blood-red lightning. The seven ponies collapsed from exhaustion.

Slowly blinking back to consciousness, the seven ponies looked around seeing light pour in from outside. All around the room laid in ruins as Thrasher propped against the wall cracking open a beer. "Fucking metal!", she exclaimed.

Celestia appeared in a strum of distorted guitar, causing the ponies except for thrasher to bow, she instead drank her beer.

"You did very well my Twilight.", Celestia said.

Rubble shifted and tumbled away as a midnight blue alicorn mare with light blue mane crawled out on her belly and froze seeing Celestia.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you like this little sister.", Celestia said squatting down, "Won't you come home and rejoin the band?"

"Sister?!", the seven ponies exclaimed.

"So what do you say Luna, do you want to get the band back together?", Celestia asked.

"You want to know what I wnat to do, sister?", Luna asked. She jumped to her hooves and a guitar in the shape of a battle axe appeared. "I want to rock!" The guitar strummed letting out a distorted cord. "I...WANT...TO...ROCK!"

Discordant censorship

The elements of metal kicked off their whirlwind Equestria-wide tour with their first stop, a three day concert in Canterlot at the royal palace. Screaming fans gathered outside in the streets as the opening act, an Iron Mare cover band called Steel Pegasus, began playing their renditions of Gallop to the hills, Number of the nightmare and Empire of Cloudsdale, they finished their set with The evil that ponies do.

As Steel Pegasus bowed, the band bowed and the lead singer shouted into the mic, "Thank you Canterlot! We love you!" The crowd roared and cheered showing their love.

Outside the concert, several stuck-up ponies marched in circles waving signs as they chanted in protest, "Hey-hey! Ho-ho! This rock and or roll has to go!" Leading the protesters were dour mares. The first was an earth pony who looked like she needed the stick pulled out of ponut, a good stiff drink, a good stiff...well you know or the tender loving caresses of rusty chains to her face, named Mrs. Harshwhinny, the second looked like an abomination that looked like it escaped the ark, a unicorn mare named Zesty Gourmand.

"I think this rock and or roll is a dangerous influence on the foals.", Mrs Harshwhinny said to a nearby news reporter, "I recently read on Glenn Bucking's blog that rock and or roll might lead to foals committing suicide, picking fights or even talking back to their parents. It might also lead them to things like huffing roofies or snorting dabs or even trying...", she gave a dramatic gasp, "...premarital sex!" She placed a hoof to her forehead as she swooned while clutched the string of pearl around her neck with the other hoof.

Zesty Gourmand spoke up, "This is unforgivable and must come to an end! As the spokes ponies for stallions and mares enraged against rot, we feel it is our imperative to take action against garbage like this." She unrolled a scroll and began reading out loud, "I summon the Discord, lord of censorship! Break forth from your thousand year prison! Rise up from your thousand years of sleep! Banish the music and purify the land! I command you to rise! Rise! Rise!"

In the statue garden of the palace, cracks began to form on the statue of Discord.

The elements of metal took the stage and Twilight stepped up to the mic, "Hello Canterlot!" The crowd screamed and cheered. "Welcome to the show!", Twilight continued, "We are Mystic Princess! But we're thinking of changing our name.", taking a deep breath, she shouted into the mic, "This is our first single, I WILL BE A HERD!"

The elements began playing as Twilight took in a deep breath.

[iNow is the time to rise to my hooves!

Wipe your spit from my face!

Wipe these tears from my eyes!

Now is the time to rise to my hooves!

Wipe your spit from my face!

Wipe these tears from my eyes!

I've got one chance to take my magic back!

One chance to make it right!

I've got one chance to get my voice and let it be a herd!

I...Will...Be!

I will be a herd!

I...Will...Be!

I will be a herd!

Through the worst we will be prevail!
So our voices...Will...Be...A...Herd!

The music cut out as the instruments disappeared in puffs of smoke. The audience and the elements stared dumbfounded at what just happened.

"Am I really drunk or did our instruments just disappear?", Thrasher asked.

"Both.", Applejack said dumbfounded, "What in th' tarnation jus' happened?!"

"I...don't know...", Twilight said confused.

"Glad it isn't just me.", Thrasher said cracking open a beer.

Discord appeared on the massive screens. "I'm sorry, but this rock and or roll show has been cancelled as it has been censored, being deemed improper for foals. Instead I offer for you a suitable alternative." He snapped his lion's paw and the speakers began playing flat, rhythmic bleeps.

The crowd started booing as they became rowdy. They began throwing bottles, trash and bricks on stage, Thrasher didn't help by throwing empties back at the crowd.

"Come on, let's go see if Celestia knows what's happening before the crowd kills us.", Twilight said.

The elements left the stage, except for Thrasher, who had to be dragged off stage as she threw empties at the crowd.

The elements ran into the throne room where Celestia and Luna were waiting with uncomfortable looks on their faced.

Before any of the elements could speak, Celestia spoke up, "I know full what happened, somepony broke into the forbidden wing of the royal library and stole a spell from the Ponynomicon. They used it to free the lord of censorship, Discord."

"Pony-nom-nom?", Pinkie asked tilting her head in confusion.

Celestia sighed as she facehoofed. "One of these days I'm going to have to have to give you a piss test and see exactly how high you are."

Luna cleared throat, "The ponynomicon is an ancient forbidden tome containing powerful magic that can summon creatures from another dimension, awaken ancient evils, free those who were long imprisoned. It is bound with the hide of a thousand sacrificed foals, the pages are made from the flesh from a thousand slaughtered ponies and it is inked in the blood of dead gods who dream. It was written by the hoof a mad stallion from Saddle Arabia, whose name is lost to time."

"So...uh...why didn't y'all burn that book or encase it in concrete?", Applejack asked.

Celestia and Luna blinked as they hadn't thought of that.

Thrasher cracked open another beer. "A book made from the hide and flesh of ponies. Sounds fuckin' metal as fuck to me."

"So who is this Discord?", Twilight asked.

"He used to be a righteous dude who was an original member of our band.", Celestia said, "But after getting out of rehab for the three hundredth time, he fell in with lame cult that was into wearing chastity belts and they believed that metal was evil."

"And for some reason they were really into watchtowers.", Luna said.

"After Discord fell in with this cult, he went from a most righteous guitarist who had chaotic licks to this totally lame chastity belt wearing plot-head who wholeheartedly believed that not only was metal evil and needed to be censored, but that all music need to be censored.", Celestia said, "I mean those carpenter-worshiping weirdos didn't want to censor music, they just sequestered themselves away in their communities."

"So what happened after Discord became the lord of censorship?", Twilight asked.

"Me, Luna and the rest of the original band beat the shit out of him, turned him to stone and kicked him out of the band.", Celestia said proudly.

"So how do we stop him?", Twilight asked.

"Simple...", Thrasher said, "We kick the shit out of him, ram some metal up his ponut, use the elements to turn him back to stone, the go out and get wasted."

"That may not be the plan I go with, but it sounds righteous!", Celestia said, "Come along." She walked over to the cabinet where instrument and the elements were locked away.

When the cabinet was opened, all nine ponies gasped seeing the elements were missing.

Thrasher took the beat-up old guitar off her back and stroked it like one would a lover. "Good thing I never go anywhere without Lucy."

Laughter seemed to come from nowhere. "What's the matter Celestia? Are you upset that I've censored you?"

"Discord! Show youself you lame-plot!", Celestia growled.

Discord appeared in the stained glass window depicting the elements defeating Popstar Moon, placing black censor bars over the eyes of the figures.

"What the [bleep]?!" Thrasher jumped with surprise as a bleep and a black censor bar flashed over her mouth for a second. "What the [bleep] is going on?! Why can't I [bleep] cuss without being [bleep] censored?! Dis[bleep]cord! [bleed] cut it out or I will [bleep] you up the [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] with a [bleep] aardvark!" She made a vulgar gesture with her hoof and screamed in frustration as it was blurred out with pixelation. Discord! You cut that the [bleep] out or I will [bleep] you up the [bleep] with a [bleep] elephant's [bleep]! AAAAAHHHHHH! [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]!"

"Uh, we better find a way to stop Discord 'fore Thrasher here starts speaking solely in Morse code.", Applejack said.

"So why did you take away everything with censorship?", Twilight asked

Discord chuckled. "My dear Twilight Sparkle, censorship doesn't take anything away, it simply moves it out of sight and out of mind, so nopony gets offended by anything."

Thrasher took out another beer, cracked it open, took a swig and spit it out.

"Lemme guess, Discord made yer beer warm?", Applejack said.

Thrasher dropped the can, spilling its contents. "Worse!", she exclaimed in horror, "He made it non-alcoholic!" She pressed her hooves to her face and screamed, "NON-ALCOHOLIC!"

Pinkie gasped in shock. "Discord! That's such a meanie-mean pants thing to do! Put the alcohol back in her beer!"

Discord tapped his chin. "I'm not sure if that should be censored or not. Instead I'll do this." He snapped his eagle talon.

A small metal box appeared on the wall and a slip of paper slid out of it. A mechanical voice said, "Pinkamina Dianne Pie. You have been fined fifty credits for improper language."

Pinkie gasped, snatched the paper off the box, narrowed her eyes and growled. "Such a not nice meanie pants thing to do."

"Pinkamina...wrr...wrr*crackle*" The box was cut off as Pinkie slammed her hoof into it.

"Come girls, I've got a plan on how to stop Discord.", Twilight said.

The seven ponies made their way out onto the balcony and Twilight spoke up, "We're sorry everypony! Though Doscord has censored us, he can't stop the music!"

The royal guards/stagehooves brought out instruments and the band prepared to play, Thrasher sat on her haunches trembling.

"Thrasher?", Twilight asked concerned, "Are you okay?"

"No.", Thrasher whispered, her eyes wavering in fear, "So sober. So coherent. So many lucid thoughts."

"Try and play anyways.", Twilight said.

Thrasher strummed her guitar and sour notes came out. Dropping the guitar, she held her face in her hooves, "I'm sorry. Without alcohol, I can't play." She walked off the balcony and back into the palace.

The crowd booed and hissed as they threw bottles and cans. The remaining elements hurried back in the palace.

"Come on Thrasher!", Rainbow said in a loud voice, "We need you! Without the element of brutality, how can we be a most righteous band?"

"Then I guess there is no more band.", Thrasher said uncomfortably sober. She hung her head, left the palace and made her way to the train station.

Rainbow dropped the guitar and held a hoof to her mouth. "No.", she whispered.

The remaining dropped their instruments and they all quietly made their way back to Ponyville.

Celestia and Luna walked over to the small pile of instruments and closed their eyes. "I know how we can help, Luna.", Celestia said softly, "Let's go talk to him." The two sisters turned and walked further into the castle.

Discord appeared on Twilight's back, dancing. "Well it looks like this is the all hope is lost moment, eh Twinkle Sprinkle?"

Twilight didn't answer, she just hung her head and shed silent silent tears.

Thrasher walked through the streets of Ponyville as signs reading alcohol-free, juice bar, water fountain inside and public library drifted by her. The signs and world began to spin around her and she placed her hooves to her face screaming.

Twilight walked into Golden Oaks and went up to her room, flopping on her bed in despair. She buried her head in pillows and cried.

"Twilight, babe!", Spike said, "What's wrong?"

Raising her head as tears trickled down her cheeks, Twilight said, "Oh Spike! It's terrible! We broke up!"

"Why? What happened?"

Discord censored us and took away Thrasher's alcohol! It turns out she can't play sober." Twilight flopped her head back into the pillows and cried more.

Spikes phone chirped with a text and he read the text. He gasp and shouted, "Twi! We just got a text from Celestia saying she can help!"

Twilight lifted her head as Spike read the text out loud, "Twilight, enclosed in the magical attachment is a potion made from the blood of an ancient creature named Keith Richards. Give the potion to Thrasher, reform the band and stop being geh." Spike hit the download magical attachment prompt and a glass vial of a strange clear potion appeared that shimmered and swirled with multiple colors.

Twilight grabbed the potion in her magic and ran out to gather the other elements. After the first six were gathered, they found Thrasher working as a greeter for Haul-mart, wearing a green sweater-vest.

"Welcome to Haul-mart. How can I help you today?", Thrasher said in an unenthusiastic tone.

"Come on Thrasher!", Rainbow shouted, "We're getting the band back together!"

"I-I can't.", Thrasher said, turning her head away, "I've lost the metal."

"Drink this and you'll get it back!", Twilight shouted.

"I don't know.", Thrasher said, "Haul-mart has a very strict no drinking on the job policy."

"To Tartarus with this!", Applejack snapped. She slammed a hoof into Thrasher's face and drug her over to the housewares aisle, jamming a funnel in her mouth. "Pour it down her throat, Twi!"

Twilight popped the stopper from the neck of the vial and poured the potion in the funnel.

Thrasher gagged a few times as the potion slid down her throat. Spitting out the funnel, she leapt to to her hooves. "Fuck yeah!" [bleep] "Too slow Discord!" Thrasher tore the sweater-vest off and shouted, "I quit!"

The seven ponies rushed out the store and to a hill where Discord was sitting on a throne made of censor bars. "Oh my lookie who's here.", he said drumming his finger together, "And it looks like you found a way to get Thrasher inebriated again. I knew that Keith Richards was nothing but trouble, but my magic doesn't work on him as he's older that time itself." A chuckle passed his lips. "How do you expect to stop me? Your instruments are back in Canterlot. Unless you plan on turning me stone with dirty looks."

Thrasher sat in a meditative pose with her hooves on her thighs. "Feel the metal flow through you. Embrace the metal. Let it flow."

The other six ponies sat in meditative poses and let the metal flow.

Thrasher lifted a hoof and said, "Come to me Lucy."

Celestia and Luna watched as the instruments levitated off the floor, then flew off to Ponyville.

Thrasher caught Lucy in her hoof and the other instruments landed by the other six ponies.

"What's this?!", Discord exclaimed, blinking in confusion, "Curse you Keith Richards and your immortal, magically inebriating blood!" He shook a fist angrily.

Thrasher threw her guitar up into the air and it transformed into the black Trotocaster with red pentagram. Catching it in her hooves, she strummed it and the elements turned into their metal alter-egos. A banner appeared above their heads reading "Ponies Against The Machine".

The band began playing as Black Magic starting growling the lyrics into the mic.

Can't you see I'm easily bothered by censorship?!

One step from lashing out at you!

You want in, to get under my fur and call yourself righteous!

Re...spect! Trot! What did you say?

Re...spect! Trot!

Are you talkin' to me?! Are you talkin' to me?!

You're not the standard anymore!

What it takes! Who I am! Where I've been all along!

Be yourself by yourself by yourself!

Stay away from ponies!

Re...spect! Trot! What did you say?! What did you say?!

Re...spect! Trot! On!

You better trot on home colt! You better trot on home colt!

A lesson learned in liiiiiiiiife!

Known from the dawn of tiiiiiiiiime!

Re...spect! Trot! On!

Re...spect! Trot! On!

You better trot on home chump! YOU BETTER TROT ON HOME CHUMP!

Discord began throwing censor bars, multicolored pentagrams shot forth shattering them. He recoiled screaming as the pentagrams surrounded him and slowly turned to him to stone. A massive pentagram shot into the sky and erased the censorship from Equestria. The seven ponies stopped playing, wiped the sweat from their foreheads and jumped up cheering.

A short time later Celestia descended from Canterlot on a chariot to pick the statue of Discord. "I hope you all learned a valuable lesson about metal.", she said smiling.

"That no amount of censorship can stop it!", Twilight said excitedly.

"That it's pure and beautiful.", Rarity said.

"That it always makes everything twenty percent cooler!", Rainbow shouted.

Thrasher staggered out of a pile of empty beer cans. "Hnfsqplrzzz.", she slurred incoherently before passing out on the ground, snoring loudly

Celestia loaded the statue on her chariot. "I have to get back to Canterlot, there a two ponies who need some 'tender caressing' from Luna and I."

In the royal castle, a light switched on revealing Mrs. Harshwhinny and Zesty Gourmand tied to two chairs. Celestia and Luna walked in carrying rusty chains in the hooves.

Author's Note

I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

If you're curious, I slightly poniefied the lyrics from I will be heard by Hatebreed and Walk by Pantera.

Twilight and Thrasher

Twilight was sitting in her room in Golden Oaks library and record store, practicing her vocal exercises while reading up on the latest magical lesson from Celestia. On nearby the nearby desk and stands laid sheets of paper with incomplete lyrics. A quill levitated in a magenta aura and began scribbling lyrics down. "No!", she snapped crumpling paper and throwing it in a nearby overflowing wastebasket. "Maybe I can come up with some better lyrics after I get something to eat." As if on cue, her stomach began to growl and gurgle.

As Twilight made her way into the kitchen, she opened the fridge and frowned. It was mostly bare, except for some wilted daisies and a moldy, half-eaten sandwich, on the top shelf sat an unopened six-pack of beer with a note stuck to it that read, "in case you need some inspiration or just want a buzz, Thrasher." She sighed taking a beer from the six-pack and closing the door. "How does Thrasher get anything done constantly being drunk?", she asked her self sitting at the kitchen table and cracking open the beer. She took a few sips as a sigh passed her lips. The beer did nothing to alleviate her stomach's growling, in fact it being empty made the alcohol go into her system faster and made her stomach growl louder. Crushing the empty can, she tossed it in the trashcan, opened the fridge door and pulled another one out. Cracking it open, she said to herself, "Alright after this one, I've got to go get something to eat." Tipping her head back, she guzzled down the beer and threw the empty in the trash.

Riding the buzz from the two beers, Twilight stood up to head head out to get food, when Spike walked in wearing a burgundy velvet tracksuit and bronze sunglasses. "Twilight, baby!", he said in his smoothest, smarmiest tone, "When are you gonna get me those vocal tracks you promised three days ago?"

"Soon, Spike.", Twilight answered, "But first I need to get something to eat. I'm starving."

Spike walked over to the fridge and opened the door. "Yeesh!", he exclaimed, "I guess we do need to get some food." He tapped a finger to his snout, "Maybe I can stop by Vinyl's and get you a baggie of 'inspiration powder.'"

"Huh?", Twilight said absentmindedly opening her personal vault to pull out some bits. She blinked when she realized what Spike had said. "Uh no, I'm good. Let's just get something to eat...", she paused glancing around before lowering her voice, "...and...maybe a case of beer."

Spike sniggered softly. "Whatever helps you get those vocal tracks recorded by the end of the week." He walked over and hopped up on Twilight's back reading over contracts.

Twilight and Spike stopped at Sugarcube Corner when her stomach growled loudly. Opening the door, a bell jingled and Pinkie popped up from behind the counter. "Ahh!", Twilight exclaimed in surprise, taking a step back.

"What can I get for ya?!", Pinkie chirped.

Twilight's stomach growled again as if on cue. "I could go for two cranberry muffins, a daisy and lilac sandwich and...", she scuffed her hoof against the floor, giving a dry chuckle, "...a mug of beer."

"I'll take a ruby cupcake.", Spike said.

Pinkie wrote the order. "Like my great-uncles Ten Bit Daryl and Whinny Paul and my Granny Pie used to say 'it's five o'clock somewhere!'", she teased as she poured the frothy amber liquid in a mug. "That'll be eight bits. Go take a seat and I'll have your food quicker than two wiggles of a bunny's nose."

Placing the money on the counter, Twilight levitated the mug of beer and sat at at a table. Licking her lips, she sipped sipped the cold amber beer. "Ah!", she sighed, feeling the beer slide down her throat. As she went to take another sip, Pinkie suddenly appeared with the food, causing to cough and sputter as some of the beer shot out of her nose. "Gah!", she exclaimed, wiping the amber trickle from her snout.

After Twilight and Spike finished eating, she held the empty mug over her mouth to catch the last amber drop on her tongue. Picking up a napkin, she wiped her mouth and looked to Spike who had frosting, crumbs and gem shards all over his mouth. Levitating the napkin over, she chuckled as she wiped his face, "It's almost like you can't eat without making a mess of yourself."

Spike pushed the napkin away. "Okay, okay! Now that you've got something to eat, can we go record that vocal track now?"

"Not until we get some groceries in the house.", Twilight said.

Spike just rolled his eyes and sighed. He pulled out his cell phone, "Should I text the others and tell them you're not getting the vocal track recorded today?"

"WHAT?!", Pinkie shouted and scrambled from behind the counter, "You haven't recorded the vocal tracks yet?! Me and Thrasher finished our tracks last night and she was practically black-out drunk!"

Twilight chuckled nervously, then her thoughts went to Thrasher for a moment. "I know you and Thrasher have a long history. Do you know why she drinks so much?"

Pinkie looked away sad for a moment, "It's...uh...it's not discussed outside the family."

Twilight and Spike blinked in astonishment, they had never seen Pinkie sad before, well except that one time when they didn't show up for Gummy's after-birthday party because she forgot it was her birthday. But this was a different kind of sad, not the deflating mane and having a neurotic break kind of sad. "Can you tell us what happened?", Twilight asked.

Pinkie regained her usual chipper demeanor. "Nope!", she chirped, "Years ago I made a Pinkie promise with Thrasher and as you all know, that's an unbreakable promise."

Twilight gave a sidelong glance to Pinkie, but decided to drop it, on things like this she could be more stubborn than Applejack. "Well thank you for the food and the beer. It was all delicious Pinkie." She passed the plate and mug to her friend before leaving.

"Okie dokie lokie!", Pinkie chirped, "Come back again! AND DON'T FORGET TO RECORD YOUR VOCAL TRACKS!"

Twilight and Spike walked through the supermarket placing groceries in a shopping cart. She pulled out a list and began reading out loud as she checked off the items, "Bread? Check! Canned soup? Check! Cheese? Check! Orange juice? Check! The rest I can pick up from the farmer's market. That just leaves...cereal and a case of beer."

Walking down the cereal aisle, Twilight dropped two boxes of hay nuts and a box of daisy nut bran flakes in the cart. Spike shook a box of cinnamon toast crunchies. She chuckled, "Okay Spike, you can get get that box." She levitated the box and dropped it in the cart. Making her way to the beer cooler, she opened the door and pulled out a a case. "Hmm, maybe I should get two more to lure over thrasher so she can talk about why she drinks so much." She started to slide out two other cases.

"I don't know Twi, you've seen how much she can drink.", Spike said, "She'd drink all three cases while throwing the empties at you before she was even buzzed enough to talk."

Twilight sighed as she slid the two extra cases back into the beer fridge. "You're right."

Reaching the checkout counter, the cashier began tallying Twilight's bill. "Will that be all?", the cashier asked.

"Could you have somepony deliver these to Golden Oaks for me?"

The cashier quickly jotted the delivery fee to the tally. "That'll be thirty-five bits Ma'am." After Twilight hoofed over the bits, the cashier put a hoof to his mouth and shouted, "Bulk! I've got a delivery for you to drop off!"

A white, muscle-bound pegasus, with stumpy wings, red eyes, a dirty blonde mane and a dumbbell as a cutie mark walked out. "Oh my Celestia!", he shouted, dancing in place like a filly, "You-you-you're Black Magic! I caught your band's most righteous tour when they stopped in Manehattan! I think you're the prettiest out of all of them!"

Twilight rubbed a hoof on her leg sheepishly. "Um...thanks?"

"Did you see me at the concert?", Bulk Biceps asked, "I was the one in the back jumping up and down, shouting Yeah Black Magic! Woo Black Magic!"

Twilight gave an uncomfortable chuckle. "Uh...yes.", she lied. "I have other shopping to do. But...uh...thanks for going to the concert."

Bulk Biceps went to gush but the cashier cleared his throat cutting him off. "Oh right, your groceries.", Bulk Biceps said, "I'll get right on that." He gathered up the sacks of groceries and fluttered his tiny wings, flying out of the store, once out of the door he shouted, "YEAH!"

Twilight waited until Bilk Biceps was gone to leave the store and make her way to the farmer's market. As she and Spike made their way through the streets, Spike's stomach heaved and belched up a puff of green flames. A rolled up letter materialized out of the green flames.

Taking the letter in her magic, Twilight unrolled it. Seven golden tickets and a manager's pass on a lanyard with Spike's picture on it plopped out. She read the letter, "Dear Twilight Sparkle, Enclosed are seven tickets for the Grand Rockin' Gala. You and your fellow band mates are invited. This year will be most righteous as this is the first Gala in thousand years to have Luna performing and will serve as a sweet launching platform for our new reunion tour in a thousand years. Signed, The most righteous princesses Celestia and Luna. Dictated-not read P.S. Thou get'st to experience our most divine divine skills that shows we are greatest musician in all Equestria-Luna P.P.S. Luna, you're not the greatest musician, we're both equally skilled. P.P.P.S. That is thou way of saying thou art the most divine musician. P.P.P.P.S. *in royal Canterlot voice* Luna! I'm not better than you! Yes you can play three instrument at once, but remember I wrote all our songs! P.P.P.P.P.S. *in royal Canterlot voice* How dare thou use the voice on us! Maybe we should consider starting up our side project! P.P.P.P.PP.S. Wait?! You're still writing?! Just send the damn thing already."

Twilight jumped up in the air with a whoop. "The Grand Rockin' Gala! Woo-hoo! Come on Spike! Let's get these to the girls!" After placing the lanyard around Spike's neck, Twilight sprinted through the streets of Ponyville.

Turning around a corner, Twilight ran headlong into Applejack. Bouncing off Applejack, Twilight fell to the ground, the tickets landing on her face. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Bats on my face!", Twilight screamed.

"Sugarcube? Are ya okay?", Applejack asked concerned as she helped Twilight back to her hooves, "Y'all haven't been partying with Vinyl have ya?"

Twilight laughed embarrassed as she levitated the tickets off her face. "No.", she answered, "Why would I party with Vinyl?"

"Well after y'all fell over after bumpin' intuh me, you screamed about bats.", Applejack said, "Are ya sure ya didn't eat any blotters or take any pills Vinyl gave ya?"

"You sound like you know from experience.", Spike said, quirking an eyebrow.

"There was this one time back a few years ago when Ah went tuh a party Vinyl was throwin' shortly after she moved here. She gave me this lil pink pill. Fer three hours I thought I was on Mares.", Applejack said, "After Ah came down, me an' three stallions were ruttin' each other stupid." She stared off wistfully, "Good times! Good times!"

Twilight blinked in surprise. "Please don't tell me that Apple Bloom isn't actually your daughter."

"What?! No!", Applejack shouted getting up in Twilight's face, "If's ya ever say sumptin' like that again, I'll wash yer mouth out with soap an' bend you o'er my hind legs an' tank yer flank but good!"

"I'd pay good bits to see that.", Spike snickered.

Twilight smacked Spike across his head as Applejack asked, "Wudd'ya got there Twi?"

Spike grumbled as he rubbed his head, "Hit me will ya! Is it a crime for a guy to wanna see something sexy?"

Twilight glared at Spike before answering Applejack, "Celestia and Luna sent tickets for the Grand Rockin' Gala. This is year is supposed to kick off their reunion tour." She levitated the ticket over to Applejack. "Here ya go."

"Yee-haw!", Applejack shouted, rearing up in the air and waving her stetson in a hoof, "There's always ponies lookin' 'enhance' their experience. I get to try out my newest crop I've been cultivatin' fer these past two years, sour apple. Ah'll make a killin' not only th' new crop, but also on th' food when they get th' munchies!" She darted off.

Twilight chuckled as she continued walking, Pinkie popped out of seemingly nowhere, startling Twilight, causing her to drop the tickets on her face. "AAAAAHHHH! Bugs!", Twilight shouted.

Vinyl and Octavia were walking by and paused seeing Twilight freak out. "Did you give Twilight any window panes?", Octi asked. Vinyl shook her head no. "What about any alicorn dust?", Octi asked. Again Vinyl shook her head no. "Did you give her any little blue pills?", Octi asked. Once more Vinyl shook her head no. "Roitie-o! Then let's head home, I wanna see some bloody messed up stuff and then go crazy.", Octi said. Vinyl and Octavia turned to walk back to their home.

Twilight laughed sheepishly as she stood back to her hooves.

Pinkie looked into Twilight's eyes as she slowly waved a hoof over the, "Pupils constricting normally, so you're not tripping." She gave Twilight a quick sniff. "No skunky smell, so you haven't hitting any of the Apple family's crop. Only a slight smell of alcohol, but you should have sobered up."

"I've been saying for years that her brain wouldn't be so spaghetti if she would just let a stallion give her a shot of vitamin D or a mare to make her walk up the wall.", Spike snarked.

"Spike!", Twilight shouted as she smacked him across the head again, "I'm just not ready yet. It's just so intimidating, with all those...fluids."

Pinkie blinked for a moment in sudden realization. "So nopony has punched your card yet? Makes sense."

Twilight flushed in embarrassment, eagerly seeking to change the topic. "So anyways...I just received these tickets for the Grand Rockin' Gala. Here's yours." She levitated the ticket over with Pinkie's name on it.

"Woo!", Pinkie shouted, leaping in the air, levitating for a moment, before darting off.

"And don't tell anypony about my...err...condition!", Twilight shouted.

Pinkie popped up from behind a bush. "Too late! I already told Rarity, Vinyl and Octavia!" She vanished in a pink streak.

Twilight sighed dejectedly. "Fuck me."

Only if you ask nicely!", a pink blur shouted rushing past.

Twilight ground her teeth in frustration. "Celestia-teet fucking-big fat floppy..." Her expletives became a chain of unintelligible swear words that made the paint on the nearby buildings bubble and peel. "...UP THE PONUT WITH AN ELEPHANT TUSK!" Twilight panted as the last of her anger finally burned itself out.

"Momma? What's a...", a young foal started to ask before its mother snatched it away.

"Feel batter?", Spike asked pulling his fingers out of his ears.

Twilight gave a relaxed sigh. "Yes. Now let's go talk to Rarity and do some damage control on this." She gave a grumble, "I'll be surprised if I don't receive a fine from Mayor Mare for some kind of vulgarity infraction."

Twilight opened the door to Carousel Topic, the bell gave a small jingle. "Welcome to Carousel Topic. Our styles are always hot, where it's at and always on fleek!", Rarity said, "Why hello Twilight darling. Why don't you come on back? We're just putting on a kettle of tea."

"We?", Twilight asked as she followed Rarity. She froze in her tracks seeing Fluttershy sitting at the table. "Just perfect.", Twilight grumbled to herself before sitting down.

"Don't worry darling, we're not here to tease you about you not having relations yet.", Rarity said as she placed the tea service on the table, "I think it's quite commendable that you're waiting until you're ready. I personally think there's too much pressure on ponies too early, it just leaves to too many ponies getting disappointed and becoming repressed."

Twilight blinked in shock.

"I agree.", Fluttershy said, "No stallion or mare should rush into it. Their first time should always be with someone that feels special."

Twilight blushed as Rarity poured the tea. "What's it like...you know when...", Twilight asked trying to forced the blood from her face and ears.

"Oh it's amazing darling.", Rarity said pleasantly, "When a big strong stallion or silky smooth mare is top of you and you start getting close..."

"Then they bite down and it's fireworks and a thousand pinpricks of pain and pleasure all at once.", Fluttershy finished.

The two of them sighed as their eyes fluttered.

"Whoa!", Twilight said feeling her cheeks and ears get hot enough to boil water. She fanned her face with a hoof. "That sounds...really good."

"Yep!", Spike said breathing on his claws and buffing them against his chest, "I've done the sex many of times."

Twilight went to smack Spike on the head, but Rarity beat him to it. "Spike! Don't be crass or crude!"

Spike rubbed his head as his eyes became hearts as he stared at Rarity. "Oh yeah, momma! Abuse me!"

"Nyah!", Rarity exclaimed in sudden shock.

Twilight smacked Spike across the back of his head hard. "Spike!"

Spike rubbed his head and grumbled, "Yeah! Yeah!"

After the three of them finished drinking their tea, Rarity levitated a coupon over to Twilight. "That's good for twenty percent off any merchandise in my back room. Don't be embarrassed, we all have physical needs. Just stop in whenever you're ready, I have plenty of magazines, movies and physical aides."

"Oh, um...thanks?", Twilight said putting the coupon in her saddlebag. She didn't think she could blush any hotter, she found she was wrong. "Oh! Before I forget, this is for you and Fluttershy." She passed two tickets to Rarity.

Rarity walked Twilight to the door. "Come back anytime darling. I'll leave a key under the doormat for you."

Twilight blinked as Rarity ushered her out the door. "Did she just imply what I think she did?", Twilight thought. If she could have heard more than the blood pumping in her ears, she would have heard the two mares shouting cheers in the shop. Her face felt like it was made of fire and she rushed to the nearby pond to cool it off. Plunging her face into the water, she swore she heard steam bubbling off of it.

Twilight pulled her face from the water with a sigh and shook the excess water from her head. As the ripples of the pond subsided, she saw a cyan figure reflected in it. "Fuck me galloping!"

"Okay, but it'll have to be your place as I don't want you falling through the floor of my house.", Rainbow snickered.

Twilight flushed bright red and plunged her head back into the water. Rainbow pulled Twilight's face out of the water. "Calm down. I'm just teasing you.", Rainbow said, "So what happened at Rarity's to get you all flustered? You didn't walk in on her and Fluttershy...", she pushed two of her flight wings together on each wing in a lewd gesture.

Twilight felt her cheeks burn as confusion filled her head. "Huh?"

"Oh come on Twi.", Rainbow said, "It's like the second worst kept secret in all of Ponyville that they've been friends with benefits for years."

"And here I am without my videocamera.", Spike said.

Twilight reared back to smack Spike again. "I got it this time.", he said. He raised a hand and smacked himself across the head.

"You gotta watch that.", Rainbow said, "You're going to give him permanent drain bamage."

"Nah!", Spike said, "Dragon skull are built like boulders. Celestia used to smack me harder than that when she caught me peeking under tail."

Twilight glared at Spike. "let me guess, you're going to give me grief over being a...a...uh..."

"A virgin?", Rainbow finished, "Nah! You see I learned too late that ultimately nopony cares if you are or aren't. Though I can't promise that Thrasher won't give you shit or Granny Smith won't try to hook you up with every stallion between here and Timbucktu."

Twilight paused for a minute. "What do you mean you learned too late? You didn't get pregnant did you?"

Rainbow rubbed her head nervously. "I was young, stupid and thought it was something to be gotten rid of as soon as possible. As far as getting pregnant...yeah, kinda."

"How do you get kinda pregnant?"

"Did you know that most mares miscarry within the first two months of being pregnant, because nopony told me. I was fourteen and though I was sick and had cramps from food poisoning.", Rainbow said, "When I went to the doctor, he told me that I was pregnant and I had just recently miscarried."

"If that ever happened to me, I don't think I could ever do...it again.", Twilight said.

"I didn't for a long time because I was scared of getting pregnant again. But when I finally did again several years later, it was really good and it made me wish I had waited.", Rainbow said, "Don't let nopony pressure you or shame you because you haven't made that leap yet. Like I always tell squirt, don't rush ahead into things and do something before you're ready. Take your time and enjoy life, things will happen when they happen. Now what I don't tell squirt is, if you do, good on ya, if ya don't good on ya too."

Twilight felt a little more relaxed. "Here, this came for you." She passed Rainbow a ticket.

"Oh yeah! The Grand Rockin' Gala!", she cheered as she did a pirouette in the air. "*ahem* It's cool or whatever. Thanks for the ticket. And remember, if you ever decide to jump on that ride, remember I'm just a cloud away." With that Rainbow flew up into the sky with a woop.

Twilight stared at the multicolored contrail sailing off in the sky. "Wait, did she just..."

"Uh, yeah she did,", Spike said bracing himself to get smacked, but relaxed when no smack came.

Twilight stared off in the distance stunned, three mare had just propositioned her, well maybe four, but she couldn't be sure with Pinkie, she was sure that number would increase at her next stop or when Applejack found out. She dreaded when Granny Smith, she was sure she'd try and hook her up with Big Mac. The thought intimidated her, even though he was polite and soft-spoken, he was so big, her mind wondered if other parts of him were just as big.

"Twilight? You okay?", Spike asked, nudging her.

Twilight shook her head to clear the thought that were making her blush. "Yeah Spike, I'm fine." She braced herself. "Let's go see thrasher. She's probably going to give me crap and make some crude comments, most likely throw empty beer cans at my head."

"Definitely the last one.", Spike said.

Walking up to Thrasher's house, Twilight found her sitting on her stoop drinking beer.

Thrasher tipped the long neck bottle up, draining the last of the beer, burped and tossed the empty away. "Hey. Wadda ya need?"

Twilight huffed. "Well?! You gonna give me shit too or hit on me or try and get under my tail?"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Where's this coming from?", Thrasher said annoyed, "Is this because everypony's giving you shit because you haven't decided to get your card punched yet?"

Twilight took a step back and looked down at the ground as she scuffed a hoof in the dirt. "Yes."

"Fuck 'em! Right in the ear so they can hear me cumming!", Thrasher said in an annoyed tone, "You don't have to worry about me, I'm not gonna give you shit or hit on you or try to drag you off to the room, I'm not into punching cards, I prefer experienced ponies."

Twilight slumped down her haunches. "Thank you! I think I preferred it when everypony thought I was high."

Thrasher walked over and placed a hoof on Twilight's wither, "Come on, you look like you need a good stiff drink or twelve."

Twilight nodded as she followed Thrasher in her house. "Go on home Spike.", she said, "I'll be back later and I'll start on the vocal tracks when I get back.

"But...", Spike started before Thrasher cut him off.

"But nothing. She's in good hooves. I'm pretty sure you've had a claw in getting her all wound up too. If she doesn't get the first tracks recorded tonight, I'll lock her in the booth myself."

Spike went to say something, but decided he didn't want to duck an empty can and hurried home as quick as his stumpy legs could carry him.

Twilight walked through Thrasher's house, it surprised her seeing that there weren't that many empty beer cans and bottles laying around, she had expected piles of empties everywhere, instead a half dozen sitting on the counters. She paused at a picture of a familiar-looking earth pony filly, her mane in pigtails and giving the biggest snaggle-toothed grin over the top of a massive birthday cake, the band Ponytera flanked her. "You knew Ponytera?"

"I'd say so seeing as Ten Bit was my grandfather." Thrasher said walking over passing a beer to Twilight, "I remember that day, that was on my eighth birthday and Uncle Whinny had snuck out to get that cake made for me."

Twilight opened the beer and took a sip. "Wait, I remember seeing you in pictures. Fans called you little demon."

Thrasher cracked open a beer and took a swig. "Yep, that was me.", she said with a dry chuckle, "I just wish he was here to see me now."

Twilight looked over the other pictures. "That's your guitar.", she said pointing to the pictures, "It looks well worn even in these older pictures. How did Ten Bit get his hooves on it?"

Thrasher gave a burp. "It was handed down to Ten Bit from his grandfather who started the Trottocaster company. It was said he hoof made a guitar for Celestia and she was so impressed with his work that she gifted him her old guitar that was said to me made from the branch of a magical tree by her own hooves."

Twilight downed the beer and threw the empty on the trashcan. "Whoa!"

"Whoa indeed.", Thrasher said draining her beer and tossing the empty over her shoulder. Walking over to the fridge, she opened the door revealing it was stacked top to bottom with long neck bottles. Pulling out four bottles, she placed them on the table and kicked a chair out. "Now sit down, shut up and drink!"

A few hours later Twilight and Thrasher were about two dozen beers in each. Twilight stared across the table drunkenly at the double image of Thrasher. Twilight blinked uncoordinated and said, "You're*hic* pretty."

"And*hic* you're drunk.*hic*", Thrasher said drunkenly back.

"Hey You're not drunk! I'm drunk!", Twilight blurted out.

The two mares spluttered in laughter as they wobbled in their chairs.

Twilight tried to throw the empty bottle in the trashcan, but missed, causing it to shatter against the wall.

"Good aim.", Thrasher said tossing the empty over her shoulder.

"Shut up*hic*!", Twilight blurted, "You*hic* you*hic* you*hic* Gah! You've been tossing them over your back the whole*hic* the whole time!"

"Yeah but whatcha gon' do?", Thrasher slurred. Staggering over to the fridge, she pulled out two more bottles. Turning around, she jumped slightly at Twilight close to her, giving a crooked, drunken grin. "Uh...what are you doing?"

"This!" Twilight leaned in planting her lips on Thrasher's in a drunken kiss, moaning slightly.

Thrasher pushed Twilight away gently, a small trail saliva still connecting their lips. Thrasher closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Her mind warred with itself as her pulse pounded in her ears, on the one hoof she had promised she wouldn't try to get under Twilight's tail, on the other the lavender unicorn had just thrown herself at Thrasher. "Dammit!", she whispered to herself.

When Twilight tried to push forward for another kiss, Thrasher held her back and made the hardest decision of the day, "No!"

Twilight moved back slightly. "What's the matter?"

"This isn't right.", Thrasher said, "You came over here all out of sorts because everypony was giving you shit and I invited you in for some drinks. I think you should go home before I wind up doing something we'll both regret when we sober up. Besides you need to record your vocal tracks."

"If this is wrong, then I don't care.", Twilight said, "Normally you're a massive twat-waffle, but you've been nice to me and showed me a softer side. Don't you want me?"

"Right now more than ever.", thrasher said, "We're both drunk and right now you're feeling a bit vulnerable. If things were different, I'd throw you over that table and send you over the moon. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be. Go home, record a vocal track or two, shovel a pile of junk food down your throat, hoof yourself into a coma. I promise you that if you feel the same tomorrow after we've had a chance to sober up, come over and I'll send you up the wall."

Twilight stared at Thrasher, feeling a bit hurt. She nodded her head and staggered across the room. Stepping out the door, she sniffled.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash were walking down the street together when they saw Twilight walking out of Thrasher's house sniffling.

"Ah don't see if'n it's anypony's business if'n Twi has been...wait a minute, why does Twi look so miserable?" Applejack pointed her hoof. Walking up she asked, "Twi, what's the matter sugarcube?"

Twilight plopped on her haunches and began to blubber drunkenly, "Th-thrasher thinks I-I'm ugly-hee-hee-eee!" She buried her face into AJ's chest and moistened it with drunken tears.

Applejack brushed Twilights mane as she cried dunkenly. "There there sugarcube, don't nopony think yer ugly. Yer just a little drunk an' feelin' a mite vulnerable."

"Wait, Thrasher said Twilight was ugly and you're just telling her she's feeling a bit vulnerable?!", Rainbow said grinding her teeth, "Somepony should kick her flank! Fuck it! I'm putting her ponut between her eyes!" She zipped off as AJ tried to grab her tail.

"Dammit!", Applejack snapped.

Lyra and Bonbon walked up. "What's...uh...what's going on?", Lyra asked.

"Twi here's drunk an' she's feelin' a mite vulnerable. Somehow she's convinced herself that Thrasher thinks she's ugly an' Rainbow went off th' handle.", Applejack replied, "Get her home an' get some water in her tuh help her sober up. I gotta stop Rainbow 'fore Thrasher kills her."

Rainbow bursts through the door on Thrasher's house and got up in her face. "What did you do to Twilight?!"

Thrasher looked back surprised. "What?!"

Rainbow narrowed her eyes and huffed as steam practically poured out her nose. "She's out there crying her eyes out! If you did something to hurt her, I swear to Celestia I'll-GUH!" A sharp blow to her gut driving the air from her lungs cut her words off. Doubling over, Rainbow slumped to the floor add let out a breathless squeak.

"How dare you!", Thrasher shouted, anger and adrenaline burned off the alcohol almost instantly. "You think I would stoop so low as to hurt her?!" She snatched up Rainbow by the scruff of her neck and glared at in eyes. "You think I would do to her what Axl did to me?!", she growled dangerously. Thrasher slammed her hoof hard into Rainbow's face hard.

Rainbow's head reeled as she stumbled across the room and tripped over her hooves, smashing through the coffee table. She tasted copper in her mouth and smelled iron in her nose. Thrasher was on top of her immediately and picked her up by the fuzz of her chest.

Thrasher threw Rainbow into the wall and pinned her with a foreleg on her neck. With a hoof raised, Thrasher screamed, "Then you have the gall to bust in my house and do something to hurt her?!" As her hoof shot forward, an orange hoof grabbed by the crook of her foreleg and snatched her away.

"Easy Thrasher, don't need tuh kill nopony.", Applejack said trying to defuse the situation, "Let's jus' all calm down an' try an' talk this out like rational adults."

Her body still trembling with anger, Thrasher hesitantly put her hoof down on the floor. Stomping over to the kitchen sink, she grabbed a washcloth, wet it and threw it to Rainbow.

Wiping the blood from her nose and mouth, Rainbow asked, "So what happened?"

Applejack took a step, putting herself between Thrasher and Rainbow. "Rainbow Dash!", she scolded, "Let things settle for a mite longer 'fore we start askin' questions."

Thrasher grabbed an old pack of cigarettes from the cabinet, flopped down on the couch, lit one with a match, took a long drag and blew the fire out of her lungs with the smoke. "You know I haven't smoked a cigarette in nearly eight years.", she chuckled dryly rolling the cigarette in her hoof, "Then Twilight comes over wound up tighter than Dick's hatband because you all gave her shit about not having sex yet and basically trying to get under her tail. I invited her in for a few drinks because I felt bad for her."

"It's not my fault she can't take some teasing.", Rainbow snarked.

Thrasher and Applejack glared at Rainbow

Dropping the cigarette into an ashtray, Thrasher threw the pack across the room as she rose to her hooves. "What was that you fuckin' bitch?"

Applejack immediately scrambled to her hooves and stepped in front of Thrasher. "Whoa whoa whoa! Just take it easy.", she said calmly, "Rainbow, Ah think you need tuh leave an' cool off 'fore Thrasher rips off yer head and craps down yer neck." She pointed to the door.

"I was just..."

AJ stamped her hoof. "Now!"

Rainbow nodded, stood up and tossed the washcloth onto the kitchen counter. "Thanks for the washcloth." She rushed out the door in a streak.

Applejack walked across the room picking up the loose cigarettes and placing them back in the pack. Sitting down, she placed the pack next to the ashtray. "Now that it's jus' us, ya mind startin' over from th' beginnin'?"

Thrasher placed her face in her hooves, sighed and ran them through her mane. "Twilight came over this afternoon all out of sorts and wound up tighter than fuck because you all hassled her about not having sex and the tried to get under her tail."

Applejack went to interrupt her, but decided against it.

"She practically but my head off.", Thrasher continued, "I felt bad for her and invited her in for a few drinks so she could blow some steam off, I even promised to not try and get under her tail. She commented on the picture of my eighth birthday party. Of course I didn't tell her that was the last time I saw granddaddy alive."

"Ya didn't tell her about Axl did ya?"

Thrasher undid the snap on the extension in her mane, revealing a scar along her hairline. "Fuck no I didn't bring up that piece of shit who beat me into a wheelchair. Back to what happened, we were enjoying each other's company drinking brews and getting drunk. We shared a few laughs and then things got weird."

"Weird how?"

"When I went to get us some more beers from the fridge I guess I didn't hear Twilight walk up behind me and..." Thrasher pushed her hooves together as she balked, struggling for the right words to say, "...leaned in kissing me."

Applejack gasped softly. "Ya didn't do anything?"

"Oh I wanted to so badly. You don't know how hard it was to tell her no when she was ready to go.", Thrasher sighed, "But I couldn't because I had promised her I wouldn't." She propped her head on her hooves, "You don't know how hard it was to say no when every part of me was screaming yes. I told her to go home and sober up and if she still felt the same tomorrow, then I'd jump in it and send her up the wall."

"You're a good pony.", Applejack said, patting Thrasher on the back.

Thrasher stood up sighing. "Keep an eye on her will ya? Make sure she doesn't do something stupid."

"You ain't gon' do nothin' stupid are ya?"

"I've already done enough stupid for today.", Thrasher said, "I'm just going to lay down. Keep an eye on Twilight tonight and make sure she doesn't do something dumb. I'd hate to hear she hurt herself because of a drunk like me."

Applejack watched as Thrasher walked into her bedroom and closed the door. She paused at the front door, hearing Thrasher crying softly in her room. "That filly's got bitten by the love bug bad.", she sighed before waking out the house. Applejack walked into Golden Oaks, seeing Lyra place a glass of water in front of Twilight. She noted how her friend looked a bit more sober and less out of sorts.

"How could I have done something so dumb.", Twilight said sipping the water,"I mean Thrasher was feeling bad for me and I violated her trust by practically dry humping her."

"A drunken kiss is miles away from dry humpin' sugarcube.", Applejack said sitting down at the table, making Twilight jump slightly, "'S 'cause she cares about ya that she dinnit jump yer bones right then an' there."

"Well she has a funny way of showing it, throwing beer cans at everypony's head.", Twilight said.

"She has real problems with gettin' close with other ponies.", Applejack sighed. She looked to Twilight, Lyra an' Bonbon, "What Ah'm 'bout tuh tell y'all don't leave here. The reason why she is like she is, is because she's been hurt, a lot. First when she was a yearling, her ma an' pa up an' run off, leavin' her gran'daddy tuh raise her, then when she was eight some pony who was sick killed her gran'daddy, the state left her in the custody o' Pinkie's ma an' pa 'siderin' they was her closest family, 'sides her uncle Whinny Paul. When she was eighteen, she married this real bad pony named Axl. He was some o' my relations. 'Course we didn't know how bad he was until he beat her intuh a wheelchair. Now when Ah heard 'bout that, me, Big Mac an' Pinkie conked him o'er th' head with a shovel an' buried him un'ner a tree out Appleloosa-ways. Now y'all keep that un'ner y'alls hats 'cause y'all ain't heard that from me."

Twilight held a hoof up to her mouth in shock, a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm so fucking stupid, I drunkenly broke down thinking she thought I was ugly. If she didn't hate me before, she does now."

Applejack nodded to Lyra and Bonbon, telling them she had this. After they left, she turned to Twilight, "Now I c'n rightly say that Thrasher dun hate you none or else she wouldn'ta asked me tuh keep an eye on ya. Though truth be told, Ah think she thinks ya hate her."

Twilight went to stand up and Applejack reached out a hoof. "Let things settle fer now. Ya just drink more water, sober up and put some vocals on tape. Tumarrah if's ya go o'er there, Ah won't try an stop ya."

Twilight nodded silently, slammed down the water and put on a pot of coffee. After she had pounded several cups of coffee, she went down to the basement, stepped in the recording booth and started recording vocal tracks.

Loud banging on her front door caused Thrasher to wake up with a loud snort. Grabbing the alarm clock next to her bed, she saw it was three in the afternoon. "Ugh!", she exclaimed, dropping the clock on the floor. The loud pounding on her door continued. "Don't get your bridle in a knot!", she shouted, "I'm coming! I'm coming!" Snatching the door open, she was half-expecting the local constable to be there to haul her off after she kicked the crap of Rainbow yesterday, but instead took a step back seeing a familiar lavender unicorn. Thrasher gulped, suddenly finding her throat dry, "Twilight? What are you doing here?"

"This!" Twilight pressed her mouth into Thrasher's in a hard kiss, she let out a soft moan as she wrapped her fore legs around Thrasher.

Thrasher nearly tripped over her own hooves in surprise, before leaning back into the kiss hard. The two began exploring each other's mouths in the kiss.

Parting from the kiss, Thrasher panted trying to catch her breath as the blood rushed in her ears. She pressed her mouth hard back into Twilight's for a deep kiss, before leaving several smaller kisses on her lips like a signature.

Twilight yelped in surprise when Thrasher picked her up and threw her across her wither, carrying her into the room. Thrasher roughly threw Twilight on the bed and climbed on top of her, kissing her roughly.

Thrasher kissed down Twilight's body slowly, each burning kiss eliciting as small whimper of pleasure. Reaching Twilight's hind legs, she gently parted them with her hooves and look the lavender unicorn in her brilliant purple eyes, waiting with baited breath. Twilight's body trembled with a combination of adrenaline and anticipation as she looked down at Thrasher. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath and her pounded like a drum in her chest, her brain swam with endorphins as she looked down at Thrasher who was perched at her nethers like hungry predator waiting to pounce.

The seconds seem to stretch into eternities as Twilight Stated at Thrasher. She gave a small nod and Thrasher plunged forward with her muzzle. Twilight bit down on her hoof to keep from screaming as a wave of pleasure rushed over her.

Twilight woke up hours later with Thrasher curled up next to her, nuzzling into her neck as she snored. Twilight smiled as she shifted her weight to better snuggle up to Thrasher and let herself drift back to sleep as she nuzzled the earth pony's mane.

Author's Note

Okay, this chapter got a little cloppy, I tried to keep just this side of porn.

I may do other chapters in the future involving these two.

Thank you all for all for reading.

Feel free to offer your comments and criticisms.

The brawl at the Gala

On the day of the Grand Rockin' Gala Twilight and her six friends gathered in front of Carousel Topic. Rarity quickly ushered them all inside. She passed out new outfits she had made for them, well except for Thrasher who didn't want one, so Rarity instead passed the her a small box containing new piercings she has hoof crafted.

As the six mares went into the dressing rooms, Thrasher slipped on an Iron Mare Tee-shirt and an old blue jean vest covered in patches and pins. She looked in a nearby mirror, adjusted the extension in her mane, then began clipping the new piercings Rarity had made. She turned her head side-to-side admiring the piercings, especially the gold hoop in her lip with silver ball. She smiled at her reflection until the creak of the dressing room doors were heard, she went back to her usual glower and cracked open a beer.

The six mares stood in front of mirrors admiring and showing off their new outfits. Fluttershy wore a flowing black dress, a black lace choker around her neck with a silver rabbit skull charm hanging from it, a pair of platinum hoops in her ears and a simple silver stud in her nose. Twilight wore a red faux-leather jacket, black corset, spiked hooflets and amethyst studs in her ears. Pinkie wore a black jumpsuit with a kabuki mask and a spike collar, a single steel hoop in her lip. Applejack wore a grey canvas body suit, black leg sleeves with safety pins and a steel stud in her tongue. Rainbow Dash wore a black vinyl body suit covered in traps and buckles, three gold hoops in an eyebrow. Rarity wore a flowing, elaborate crimson dress with matching red lace collar and a red veil.

"Uh, Rares?", Applejack asked, "We all agreed to get piercings. Where are yers?"

Rarity responded by raising her eyebrows a couple of times.

"Ooooh...kay!", Twilight said slightly taken aback, "*ahem* Let's go outside and get the carriage ready."

Stepping outside, Twilight laid several planks of wood and pieces of wrought iron fencing in a small pile. Casting a spell, the wood and wrought iron formed into a pony skull-shaped carriage with twisted black iron spikes.

A few minutes later Spike came up, texting on his phone. He was wearing a crushed velvet track suit, bronze sunglasses ]and a braided gold chain. "Lookin' good ladies! Are we ready to go?" Fluttershy gave a soft whistle and two puppies scampered up. Twilight cast a spell, transforming them into dire wolves.

As Applejack went to hitch the dire wolves to the carriage, Opalescence scampered across the yard. With a hiss and a growl, she sprinted off with the two dire wolves in hot pursuit.

"Great! Now how are we supposed to get to the Gala now?!", Rainbow exclaimed.

Rarity walked over to a group of young stallions, batted her eyes and wiggled her flank slightly. "Excuse me. I'd hate to bother you strapping, handsome stallions, but, could you help my friends and I?", she asked with honeyed words.

The stallions blushed with embarrassment as Applejack hitched them to the carriage until Rarity placed broad-rimmed helmets on their heads.

As the seven mares climbed into the carriage, Spike climbed up on the seat. Grabbing the reins, he cracked them shouting "Giddy up!"

"Hey, watch it chump!", one of the stallions shouted.

Spike rubbed the back of his head, chuckling. "Sorry."

The carriage took off with a lurch as they began rolling towards Canterlot.

As the carriage began pulling up to the castle, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie and Twilight began to sing: At the Gala, at the Gala! In the garden I'm going to play bass for them all! All the critters! All the birdies! I'm going to slap and pop and they'll all groove with me! At the Gala! At the Gala! I will sell to them all! Sour apple and purple sticky fuzz and green apple! All the stoned ponies will buy my food and I will make lots of money and set up new customers for the farm! At the Gala! At the Gala! All the royals and the agents! I will play my tasty licks! I will melt faces and set up new contracts! At the Gala! At the Gala! Been dreamin'! Been waitin'! To perform with the Wonderbolts. We'll do daring tricks and play crunchy licks! They'll shower us with groupies! At the Gala! At the Gala! It's the best concert! All it was missing was a junglist named Pinkie! All the ponies will groove and mosh in the pit! At the Gala! At the Gala! Where the princesses will be! I'll sing a power ballad while they play squealing solos! At the Gala! At the Gala!

"I didn't bring enough beer.", Thrasher said as she watched the six singing mares while cracking open another can.

As the carriage pulled to a stop, the seven mares climbed out. They presented their tickets at the door and Spike showed off his manager's pass. Entering into the castle, the eight all went their separate ways.

Thrasher made her way across the floor and stopped at the open bar. Dropping the beer she was holding, her eyes went wide taking in shelves upon shelves of alcohol on the the wall. "Sweet mother of..." She began to dance and sing, At the Gala! At the Gala! I find the open bar! Beer and liquor and gin and tequila and mescal of every kind! Tonight I'm hitting the reset button! At the Gala! At the Gala!

The bartender walks up behind the bar. "What'll ya have?"

"I'll start with a bucket of whiskey sour."

Applejack set up her stand filled with various apple treats along with baggies and jars of various strains of marijuana. She set up a box of matches and a stack of business cards, before she started calling out in a loud voice, "Get yer smoke and grub on here! Ah got th' cure fer what ails ya! Purple sticky fuzz! Ponyville green! Green apple! Sour apple! If'n y'all get th' munchies, ah got apple pies, apple fritters, caramel apple and baked apples!"

Soarin walks up to Applejacks cart, looking over her merchandise. "I'll take a joint of Ponyville green and an apple pie."

"That'll be twenty-five bits!", Applejack said happily. After receiving the bits, she passed Soarin the pie and joint, she picked up a match lighting the joint for him. Passing him a business card, she said, "Jus' remember Sweet Apple Acres has all yer needs fer ya. We also do deliveries." Applejack smiled to herself as she dropped the bits into a strong box.

Fluttershy made her way to one of the royal gardens seeing all the animals. "Hello friends.", she said sitting down and plugging in her bass, "I hope you're ready for some tasty grooves." Taking the bass in her wings, she began to slap a smooth groove. The animals scattered. "Oh my! I guess they don't like smooth grooves."

Twilight walked up to Celestia and Luna standing at the top of the stairs. "Princesses.", she said with a slight curtsy.

"Ah Twilight!", Celestia said with a bright smile, "Welcome to the Grand Rockin' Gala."

"If you'll excuse me sister.", Luna said, "I need to go to the little filly's room and powder my nose."

"Of course Luna.", Celestia said, "Do you mind taking over for Luna until she gets back, Twilight?"

"Of course not princess!", Twilight said with an excited smile, "I'm hoping I can get a power ballad with you and Princess Luna."

"Welcome to the Gala!", Celestia said in a chipper tone as she shook hooves with a noble, "Of course Twilight. We can after...Welcome to the Gala!"

Twilight rolled her eyes in disappointment as she stood next to Celestia.

Pinkie walked across the dance floor. The band on the stage played a depressing song with tryhard lyrics about butterfly wings. Ponies on the dance floor had the bangs on their manes swept across their faces, wearing too much eyeliner as they danced a strange, shuffling side-to-side dance while occasionally nodding their heads and stopping occasionally to take a drag from cigarettes. "Yeesh!", she said, "No wonder all these ponies look so sad. If all I had to listen to was this depressing music, I think I'd slash my own fetlocks."

Pinkie jumped up on stage, plugging in her turntables and keyboard. "Alright you mothers! Get ready to mosh!", she shouted. She began sampling as she starting her junglist scratching.

"Hey!", one of the band members on the stage shouted unplugging Pinkie's rig, "We only do songs about how our souls are black pits of blackness!" They shoved Pinkie off the stage. "Alright, our next song is titled 'I slash my fetlocks to fill my inkwell so I can write in my journal'."

Rarity spotted across the room the famous producer Blueblood. "He's perfect! I hope I can get him to back my side project, the Defpones." She walked up to Blueblood, "Excuse me good sir, My name is Rarity, guitarist for Ponies Against the Machine, though we're thinking of changing our name and owner of Carousel Topic. Could I interest you in backing my side project?"

Blueblood turned his nose up with a snort.

"Rude!", Rarity exclaimed to herself in a sing-songy tone.

Rainbow saw the Wonderbolts sitting at a table and she began sperging, "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" She cleared her throat to regain her composure. "Play it cool Rainbow Dash.", she said to herself, "Just show them your awesome talent and they'll ask you to join." She walked over to the table where they were sitting. "Oh hi! Spitfire, right?"

Spitfire turned to face Rainbow and raised an eyebrow. "How can I help ya kid?"

Rainbow went to sperge out again, but stopped herself. "My name's Rainbow Dash! I'm the best flyer and guitarist in Equestria. I was hoping I could try out for you and maybe you'd let me join."

The other Wonderbolts started to snicker, but Spitfire shushed them with a gesture. "Sure kid, show me whacha got.", she said leaning back in her chair with a smirk.

Rainbow squeed before taking a deep breath and hooking up her guitar to a nearby amp. She began flying, doing barrel rolls and loop-de-loops while playing licks with heavy crunch. Finishing her playing, she landed, panting for breath.

"Not bad kid.", Spitfire said, "Keep practicing and one day you can try out." She picked up a nearby quill and signed her autograph on Rainbow's neck. "Hey, is that Ten Bit's granddaughter at the bar?", she asked turning. Spit began slowly flapping away.

"She's one of my band mates.", Rainbow said feebly.

"Line 'em up!", Thrasher said to the bartender. After he set up several shot glasses on the bar and filled them with whiskey, she slammed them down one by one.

Spitfire landed next to Thrasher. "Wow kid, you can put 'em away."

Thrasher looked drunkenly at Spitfire.

"Bartender, two shots of tequila." After receiving the two shot glasses of tequila, she slammed on down and turned to Thrasher, "You ever do a wing shot?"

Thrasher raised en eyebrow intrigued.

Fleetfoot walked up to the bar. "Um, Spitfire?"

"Don't worry, I'm just a tease and never give it up, besides it's not every day we meet the family of metal royalty.", Spitfire said. She hopped up on the bar and angled her wing to Thrasher's lips. Picking the shot glass of tequila, she poured it down one her flight feathers.

Thrasher opened her mouth and let the tequila pour in.

Fluttershy was feeling frustrated as none of the animals would groove out to her tasty bass licks. She paused hearing some whistling in five notes. "Oh my! That sounds like a scrub jay." Picking up the amp in her hoof, she played out five notes on her bass with her wings. The five notes whistled again. "It's grooving with me." She played out the five notes again on her bass and began walking around the bush. She paused seeing a groundskeeper goat whistling out five notes. "Um...you're not a scrub jay."

"Nope.", the goat said, "I just love whistling while I work." He whistled out the five notes again.

Fluttershy ground her teeth in frustration.

Twilight was standing next to Celestia helping her greet guests when Luna walked up rubber-legged and wiping the corner of her mouth with a hoof.

"Have fun with the groupie?", Celestia asked.

Luna smiled.

"What?!", Twilight exclaimed, "You were skeeving on a groupie?!"

"Yes we were.", Luna replied.

Twilight sputtered.

"Twilight, groupies are like ketchup packets.", Celestia said, "You use them and then when you're done, you toss them aside."

"Isn't a little...pervy?", Twilight asked.

"Groupies only want to get with us because we're famous. Is it wrong for them to want to use us sexually because we're famous?", Luna asked.

"But isn't it at least a little wrong?", Twilight asked.

"Let's put it like this, since you became a famous singer, have other ponies offered you gifts, food or booze because you were famous?", Celestia asked.

"Well...yes."

"And did you take any of them?"

"Only if I was hungry or thirsty.", Twilight replied.

"And in turn those ponies could brag that someone who was famous at their food or drank their booze.", Celestia said, "It's the same with groupies. You're feeling horny and they get to brag that they had sex with somepony famous. Both parties get what they want in the end, just never tell them you love them or try to date them, it always ends with you getting stalked."

Twilight mused as a tall, leggy mare walked up. "Oh my Celestia! It's the princesses!", the leggy mare said, "I love you both and will do anything for backstage passes...anything!"

"If you'll excuse us Twilight.", Celestia said.

Twilight gaped as the princesses walked off with the leggy mare between them.

Rarity continued walking alongside Blueblood, trying to get him to listen about her side project while he continued to snub her. She gritted her teeth in frustration and considered smashing him over the head with her guitar. Taking a breath she calmed herself and went on talking to him about possibly backing the Defpones.

Applejack stood at her stand sighing in bored frustration. Other than the one sale, business had been incredibly slow. Each time she tried to convince a passer by to try some of her wares, they would just snub her and continue to walk off, making her grumble under her breath in further frustration. A light bulb went off in her head, sticking out a hoof, sticking out a hoof, she tripped a passerby causing him to fall into her stand.
"Y'all touched, y'all by it!", she said helping the stallion up.

After dusting himself off, the stallion called for the guards. When they arrived, he said, "This mare tripped me in an attempt to force me to buy her goods."

Applejack laughed sheepishly as the guards looked her and her stand over. "Distributor's license.", one guard demanded.

Applejack quickly fumbled through her saddlebags and pulled out her distributor's license. "Ah think y'all'll find evr'ything in order.", she said sweating.

The guard took the license from Applejack's hoof, read it over, passed it back and gave the "I'm watching you" gesture before walking off.

Applejack sighed as she put the license back. She closed up her stand and began heading inside. "Ah think Ah'll go get a drink, if'n Thrasher ain't already found it an' drank it dry."

Pinkie stood by the stage waiting for the band to finish their depressing set. Her head lifted when the band left the stage, but sank again when another band with the same whiny, entitled sound took the stage.

"We're A Hearth's Warming Inside and this is our first single, Crawling in my Fur.", the lead singer said.

Pinkie rolled her eyes and groaned loudly, "Not another whiny band!"

Twilight stood at the top of the stairs greeting the last of the guests. She turned her head seeing Celestia and Luna slipping gum into their mouths as the leggy between them skipped happily with three backstage passes hanging from her neck. After the leggy mare trotted off, Twilight asked, "So was she worth it?"

"Nothing happened.", Celestia said.

"Uh-huh.", Twilight said skeptically.

"No really. We ran into Spike smoking ditchweed with Periwinkle and he helped us by digging up a few passes. We even managed to sell her three copies of our greatest hits albums.", Celestia said, "Though we did have to take a drag of that weak stuff. You know what's the worst about Canterlot ditchweed?"

"The horrible taste.", Luna finished, "That and it has no kick."

Twilight stared blankly as she began to sputter. "Y-y-y...b-b-b...huh?!"

Celestia nudged Twilight with a hoof, "There's a lot you still have to learn about being in a band. Now let's go get a drink so I can wash the taste of ditchweed out of my mouth."

Thrasher and Spitfire were going head-to-head in a shots competition. Slamming down the last shot, Thrasher propped her head on a hoof and groaned.

"W'as th' matter? Can't hole yuh liquor kid?", Spitfire slurred drunkenly.

Thrasher tapped her hoof on the bar. "Line 'me up!"

"Tha's more like it kid!", Spitfire said. She reached out to pick up a shot glass with a hoof, but missed. "Stop spinnin' around you three." She blinked uncoordinated, finally picked up the shot glass and slammed it down. "Hah! Beat tha-" Passing out, she fell backwards off the stool, as soon as she hit the floor, she started snoring loudly.

Rainbow stared at the scene, her jaw hanging open. Fleetfoot nudged her, "Help me get her back to her room."

The band that had been playing walked past Rainbow and the lead singer rudely shoved her. "Oops!", he said in a derogative tone.

Rainbow seeing them walking up to the bar then looking over to Thrasher. "This won't end well."

Please good sir, would you consider backing the Defpones.", Rarity said trying still convince Blueblood as they walked through the main room of the Gala, "You'll find it to be an exemplary band. Clean vocals, good heavy crunch, smooth bass lines and powerful drums."

Blueblood turned to Rarity and said with his nose still up in the air, "Look here madam, I am not interested in you little screamo band."

"Screamo?!", Rarity shouted, her face twisting up in anger, "Screamo?! You think I play that whiny garbage?!" Grabbing her guitar, she plugged it into a nearby amp. "I'll give you something to scream at!" Strumming down hard on the strings, she sent Blueblood flying with a single squealing note. When he tried to pick himself up, she stalked forward and played solo causing his clothes to begin smoking.

Thrasher propped her head on the bar to try and make the world stop spinning so much when she felt somepony bump into her. Lifting her head, she saw the lead singer of the band that was recently up on stage, the bangs of his mane swept at an angle over his eyes and dyed black, she began to snicker.

"Wot's so funny?", the emo singer asked in an obviously fake Trottingham accent.

"A bad imitation of a goth pony.", Thrasher said between snickers.

The emo pony narrowed his eyes at Thrasher. "I know you. You're part of that pretentious band. What are they called? Mystic Princess or something like that. Read the writing on the wall, metal is dead."

Thrasher frowned. "At least I'm sot some cheap imitation of goth. Now go do us all a favor, go cut yourself, write in your journal about how your father bought you neighkes instead some overpriced mall boots, put on your sister's clothes and fuck off."

The emo pony gasped and took a step back. "I'll have you know these aren't my sister's clothes. Anyways, why don't you go back to the neighties, everypony knows metal is dead."

Thrasher gritted her teeth before taking a breath. "No, I won't let these whiny brats ruin my buzz.", she whispered under her breath. She picked up a bottle of beer from the bar and put it to her mouth.

The emo pony flicked the bottom of the beer bottle, causing its content to spill down the front of Thrasher. "Oops! Clumsy me.", he said in a mocking tone. He and some of his band mates high hoofed.

Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow from their respective places around the ballroom. "Oh...", Applejack started. "Shi...", Rainbow continued. "Ipping fiction!", Pinkie finished, then looked at the fourth wall, "What?! Did you expect me to say shit?"

Thrasher stared in disbelief at the beer poured down the front of her, then turned to face the emo pony. "You done fucked up now.", she said through gritted teeth.

The emo pony gave a cocky smirk. "What are you going to..." His words ended as a hoof slammed into his face, causing his eyes to roll up in his head as he hit the floor.

As the four other emo band members rushed her, Thrasher began throwing hooves. AJ, Pinkie and Rainbow rushed over to break up the fight. One of the emo ponies clocked Applejack in the jaw with a hoof.

Applejack staggered away, rubbing her jaw with a hoof and gritted her teeth. "Aw Tartarus naw ya didn't!" She grabbed one of the emo ponies by the head and bounced his face off the bar.

Several guards rushed in to break up the fight, only to get drug into it. Soon the fight began spilling onto the dance floor.

Celestia, Luna and Twilight stared at the bedlam, not only what had spilled over onto the dance floor, but also with Rarity constantly blasting Blueblood against the wall with strums of her guitar. A loud rumbling to their side caused all three to snap their head over simultaneously.

The doors to the ballroom burst open as hundreds of stampeding critters and panicking birds swarmed through the room, with Fluttershy hot on their heels, her bass hoisted over her head like am ancient battle axe. Her eyes had a crazed look as she bellowed, "You will come back here AND GROOVE WITH ME!"

Celestia leaned her head down to Twilight and said, "Now I'm only to say this once..."

"TALLY HO!", Luna shouted as she galloped headlong into the brawl, her head thrown back guffawing.

Rarity intensely played her guitar, keeping Blueblood pinned to the wall with each strum until the strings finally popped. She stood over his body, panting in rage. "Now are you going to call metal screamo again?"

Blueblood shook his head, afraid for his life.

Rarity gave a triumphant harrumph. Looking up she saw the brawl on the dance floor. Hefting the guitar above her head, she charged shouting, "El kabong!"

Twilight tried dragging her friends from the brawl when a hoof collided with her eye. "Really?!", she shouted before leaping headlong into the fray, throwing hooves.

Celestia looked up seeing Luna climbing to the top of the stage rigging. "Oh shi..."

Luna stood on the top of the stage rigging. She waved her hooves in circles before holding them up to her ears. Rearing up in her hind legs, she held her forehooves up over her head shouting, "Oh Yeah!" Leaping from top of the rigging, she crooked her foreleg, slamming into the bedlam below, sending dozens of the ponies crashing to the floor.

Celestia took the momentary distraction to drag a laughing Luna from the fray and shouted to the seven element bearers as dozens more guards began storming in, "Run!"

After escaping from the Grand Rockin' Gala, the nine mares gathered up around a table at Donut Joe's talking, except for Thrasher, who had her head on the table in a drunken stupor.

Twilight, nursing a black eye, looked up to Celestia, "I'm sorry the Gala was ruined, princess."

"Oh Twilight, the emo's had made the Gala a dreadful event for years.", Celestia said, "Besides, I had been looking for an excuse to bar them for years."

Rainbow looked up, holding an ice pack to her lip. "So you're saying that this..."

Thrasher lifted her head up and shouted triumphantly, "WOO! BEST NIGHT EVER! I drank a Wonderbolt under the table and thumped the heads of some emos!" She laid her head back on the table and began to snore.

Twilight gently rubbed Thrasher on her neck as the eight still conscious mares began to laugh.

Author's Note

This chapter took longer than expected to write as I had problems figuring out the right words for the "At the Gala" parody words.

Thank you all for reading, I hope you all enjoy.

I will try and take all comments and criticisms as constructive.

A most metal wedding

Author's Note

Okay for this chapter I'm using color coding for the rounds of singing that Chrysalis, Cadance and Twilight do.

This represents Chrysalis' singing
This represents Cadance's singing
This repesnts Twilight's singing

A most metal wedding

Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight and Thrasher were sitting under a tree on the outskirts of Ponyville having a picnic while they discussed a possible new name for their band.

"Ah dun see what was wrong with Mystic Princess.", AJ said taking a bite of a sandwich.

"We were thinking of changing that name from the beginning.", Rainbow replied, "I think we should call ourselves Rainbow Dash and the Awesomes."

"Leave it tuh th' rhythm guitarist to put her name first.", Applejack snarked.

"At least ponies can see me when I perform.", Rainbow snapped back.

The two mares shoved their faces against, snorting and nickering in annoyance and anger.

"Why don't you just fuck?, Thrasher said cracking open a beer, "Between your constant bickering, the little scrap you had at the running of the leaves and now, it's obvious you two have pent up frustrations for each other." She downed the beer and cracked open another one.

"Though I wouldn't use such crude terminology, I'd have to agree with Thrasher.", Rarity said, "The two of you need to get rid of some frustrations." She dug around in her saddlebags. "I've got some coupons in here somewhere for a discount from anything in my back room."

"Oh come off it Rares!", Rainbow exclaimed, "It's the second worst kept secret that you and Fluttershy are looking to start a herd."

"What's the first worst kept secret?", Twilight asked.

"That Lyra and Bonbon are more than just roommates.", the six other mares said as one.

"What's the third worst kept secret?", Twilight asked unsure she really wanted to hear the answer.

"That Rarity really, really is into those sexy Neighponeese comics. You know the ones where it shows ponies rutting with only those little black rectangles over their junk.", Rainbow said with a snort, "What is a common line from them? Anata wa kawaii! Notice me senpai! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She rolled on the ground, holding her sides as she laughed

"Speaking of secrets everypony knows.", Fluttershy said, "Well it's not really a secret, but everypony knows that Thrasher and Twilight have been dating."

"They also have fun trysts on their date nights.", Rarity said.

Thrasher choked as she laughed with a mouthful of beer. "You hear that sweet cheeks?", she said nudging Twilight, "Apparently we're dating and nopony decided to tell us, also...", she did her best Rarity impression, "...we're having 'trysts'." She fell on her back with snorting laughter.

"If Thrasher and Twilight were dating, she'd tell me, her second bestest cousin.", Pinkie said with a slight grumpy look on her face.

"So if y'all aren't dating, what are y'all really doing?", Applejack said, not masking her intentions to hear some gossip.

"Applejack!", Rarity scolded, "You know that a lady neither tells nor brags."

"You're right, Rarity.", Thrasher said, "A lady neither tells nor brags. But seeing as I'm no lady..." The other five mares leaned to hear the story in all its juicy and saucy bits.

"Don't you dare!", Twilight shouted, grabbing an empty beer can and bouncing it off Thrasher's head.

"Ow! So that's how it feels. Eh, not gonna stop me either way" Thrasher threw an empty can playfully at Twilight.

Twilight turned away, crossing her forelegs with a "harrumph!"

"Oh come on, don't be like that.", Thrasher said nudging Twilight's back, "You said it yourself, we aren't dating and just having fun."

Twilight gave a soft grumble.

The other five mares leaned in even closer. "Oooo, this is really juicy.", Rarity said, "A lover's spat."

Twilight turned glaring lightning bolts at the other mares. She opened her mouth to shout at them when a gold-embossed envelope appeared above her head and fell to the ground. She picked it up with her magic, opened it and pulled out the letter. She gave a loud gasp, "Oh my Celestia! This is the worst news ever!"

"What is it sugar dumplin'?", Applejack asked, "Somepony die?"

"Worse!", Twilight said, her mane becoming slightly frazzled, "My brother, Shining Armor is getting married! To some pony named Princess Mi Amore Cadenza...tomorrow!"

"That's hardly bad news, darling.", Rarity said, "You're brother getting married is great news. To nobility no less."

"No, this is terrible news!", Twilight said on the verge of a full on category three Twilighting, "We don't keep secrets from each other! Especially nothing this big! He's supposed to be my BBBFF!" The other six mares looked at her with "Huh?!" expressions on their faces. "My big brother best friend forever." The six gave "Ah." expressions. She began hyperventilating while grinding her teeth.

"Calm down sugar plum.", Applejack said gently laying a hoof on Twilight's wither, "Ah'm sure he's been busy, otherwise he woulda written you. Right girls?" The other mares nodded their heads as they spoke in agreement.

"No!", Twilight snapped, "We never kept secrets from each other! And now he's getting married?! To some mare I've never heard of before! This 'Mi Amore Cadenza'!" She gave a sad sigh as she looked to Canterlot. She began breaking out in song: When I was a filly/I thought it was rather silly/to see how many other ponies I could meet
I had book to read/vocal lessons was all I thought I would need
Other ponies I didn't know I would need to make a band complete
But there was colt I care for/knew he would be there for me
My big brother best friend/my big brother best friend...forever
We never had a fight/taught me how to fly a kite/he taught me how to rock out with my...well you know
Her voice became a warbling screech
I miss you so bad! Oh how I miss you! My big brother best friend forverrrrr!

Thrasher gave a burp. "Wow! Here I thought I was fucked up. You're wanting to get rutted by your big brother. When you finally see a therapist, between your anxiety, weird phobias, spitting pure spaghetti when you get freaked out and now this, he's going to make so much money, he can retire Mareui."

Twilight glared at Thrasher. "That's it, you're cut off for a month!"

Thrasher shrugged, "Eh. I still have my hoof, so not a total loss. Besides we all know it won't be long before you come back looking for some sweet, sweet candy." She smacked her own flank to emphasize the point.

"Ah'll bet ya twenty bits she won't last a week before she comes looking for Thrasher to scratch that itch.", Applejack whispered to Rainbow.

"I'd say she won't last three days.", Rainbow whispered back.

"I'll bet one day.", Rarity whispered. When the other two mares looked at her blinking, she retorted, "Just because I'm a lady doesn't mean I can't look to get in on some action."

Pinkie pulled out a chalkboard with the bets written on it and put on a green visor. "Alright, I got Applejack down for a week, Rainbow Dash down for three days and Rarity down for a day! Anypony else want to make a bet?"

"I bet she won't last the day.", Fluttershy whispered meekly.

"Ugh!", Twilight exclaimed flinging Pinkie's chalkboard with her magic and flopping on her back, "I hate you all."

"Hey!", Pinkie snapped, "You know chalkboards don't grow on trees...in Ponyville!"

The other six mares blinked at Pinkie, none of them wanted to even ask.

Rarity took the letter in her magic reading it. "Ooo, look her girls! It says we're all invited!", her voice became sing-songy, "You know what that means?", she took in an excited breath, "I get to plan the decorations!"

"An' Ah get tuh cook th' food!", AJ replied.

"And that means we get to play the reception!", RD said exitedly.

Thrasher grinned giddily, "The best part of any wedding reception, free booze!"

Twilight pressed her hooves into her face and groaned.

The next day all seven mares were on the train to Canterlot. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie chatted in excited tones, while Twilight stared out the window in a sour mood.

Thrasher sat next to Twilight, a concerned look on her face. "What's the matter babe? Still upset about the crap we gave you yesterday?", she asked, passing her a beer.

Twilight looked down at the beer before cracking it open and taking a sip. "No.", she halfheartedly replied, "I'm past that.", she nuzzled into Thrasher's neck and sighed, "Shining Armor is getting married to some mare I've never heard of before and he didn't bother to even write all this time that he was marrying this Mi Amore whoever." She grumbled as she took another swallow of beer.

"Well I know two things that will make you feel better, even if it's just a little bit.", Thrasher said, "The first is smacking this My Sharona Cabana upside her head and the other..." She leaned over and whispered in Twilight's ear.

Twilight smirked, downed the beer, tossed the empty in a nearby trashcan, then she and Thrasher made their way to the bathroom.

The other mares passed sack of bits to Rarity. "Thanks for your business girls.", she said stuffing the bits in her saddlebags.

As the train chugged down the tracks at the edge of Canterlot, two royal guards uncrossed their spears letting it pass as the train went through a raspberry-colored dome shield.

"Tell me how we're supposed to stop a train moving at speed on the tracks.", the first guard whispered to the second.

"Shut up!", the second guard whispered back, "This is a cushy assignment, so don't fuck it up for me."

As the train pulled up to the station, a contingent of guards were waiting for it. As the seven mares clambered out of the car, Twilight heard a familiar voice call out to her, "Twily!"

Twilight hugged her brother then glared at him, "You're getting married?! And you didn't bother even to tell me?! Who exactly is this Mi Amore Cadenza?! I thought you were dating Cadance!"

Shining Armor leaned his head back stunned at the reaction of his sister. "Twily, Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance."

Twilight gave a gasp that was both happy and shocked. "Well that still doesn't excuse you from not writing me before yesterday."

"I'm sorry I didn't write, but Canterlot has been on lock down because there has been a threat made against Cadance.", Shining said, "I've been under orders to keep a shield up over the city for months and haven't had time to write."

"Still want to smack this bitch upside her head?", Thrasher muttered to Twilight.

Twilight glared momentarily at Thrasher before Shining Armor directed the seven mares to a waiting carriage.

The carriage pulled up to the castle and all the ponies inside climbed out, making their way inside. As the group made their way across on of the sky bridges, a voice called out "Shining Armor!" Twilight and Shining smiled seeing Cadance saunter up.

Twilight sprinted over to her former foalsitter and did a funny little dance as she recited a little rhyme, "Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" She ended the dance shaking her rump.

"Perfect blackmail!", Thrasher snickered.

Cadance looked down her snout at Twilight and raised an eyebrow while giving a half scoff. "So anyways Shining Armor, I've got some plans for changes to the weddings." She shoved past Twilight as she walked past Twilight, dragging Shining with her.

"But but..." Twilight sputtered. Her voice began to crack, "She didn't forget about me did she?"

"It's pob'ly jus' nerves sugar.", Applejack said.

"Like Applejack said, darling.", Rarity spoke up, "Between the biggest wedding of the year and the threats, she's probably just stressed out."

The other mares spoke in agreement, except for Thrasher who looked over her shoulder and sneered at the stuck up princess who had just nearly made Twilight cry. She downed a beer, crushed the can and hucked the empty over shoulder.

The empty can bounced off the back of Cadance's head, who looked over her shoulder, glared at Thrasher and gave a soft growl.

Twilight wasn't content. She knew something wasn't right and she would prove it.

As the mares split up to do their different things, Twilight drug Thrasher with her to spy on Cadance.

"Just say the word and I'll snap that cunt's horn off and jam it up her ponut.", Thrasher said, "Nopony makes someone I care about cry except for me."

"Not until I get some proof.", Twilight said as she shushed Thrasher.

The two mares peeked in the kitchen where Applejack was making apple fritters and apple dumplings. Twilight braced herself as Cadance walked in.

Cadance looked down at the food the Applejack had laid out with a sour expression. "I guess this will do.", she said with a snotty tone as she poked at the food with a hoof.

"Y'all not find finer food than this here!", Applejack said proudly, gesturing to the fritters and dumplings, "Go ahead an' take a taste." She passed Cadance a fritter.

Cadance took a bite and her face screwed up in disgust. Once Applejack turned away, she spit the mouthful out.

Applejack turned to the cake she was decorating and showed it off to Cadance proudly.

"I guess this will have to do.", Cadance said in a disgusted tone.

"Now something for yer nerves", Applejack said pulling out a joint from her stetson, "Sour apple, perfect fer whatever ails ya." She bagged up some fritters and dumplings, passing them along with the joint to Cadance. "Now doncha worry yer pretty little head 'bout nothin'. Ya jus' focus on gettin' ready fer the weddin'."

Cadance gave a sneer as she took the things Applejack has passed her in a green telekinetic field. Walking out the door, she dropped the bag and joint in a trashcan.

"The Cadance I know would never be this rude to anypony!", Twilight whispered angrily as she snuck through the kitchen.

Thrasher downed another beer and hucked the empty over her shoulder with a burp, then followed Twilight.

Cadance glared at Thrasher, the mare had bounced another empty can off her head.

Twilight and Thrasher peeked through the door in the ballroom where Rarity was showing Cadance the decorations.

Cadance levitated one of the tablecloths and gave a scoff. "So pedestrian.", she snarked rudely before throwing the tablecloth on the floor, "If you're going to do it, then do it right."

Rarity gather the tablecloth up with an awkward chuckle, "But of course. The bride is always right."

Twilight glared at Cadance, "Cadance would never act like...like...like..."

"Like a cunt?", Thrasher whispered.

"Exactly!", Twilight whispered back.

As the two slunk off, Thrasher drained another beer and hurled the empty at Cadance.

As another empty bounced off the back of her head, Cadance turned and snarled at Thrasher, "I'll get you, you little bitch." She walked out one of the side doors.

"I'll catch up with you in a minute.", Thrasher called out to Twilight, "I need to find a toilet. You know what they say, you don't buy beer, you only rent it." As she turned the corner, she froze mid-step looking up at a pony/bug hybrid, only one word came out of her mouth, "Fuck."

"You you have been most bothersome you little-" A can bounced off the pony/bug hybrid's head interrupting its pontification, "Will you cut that out?!"

Thrasher shrugged. "I'm out of ideas, guess I'm fucked."

"Oh indeed you are little pony!", the pony/bug hybrid cackled glaring maliciously down at Thrasher. Green magic magic lit in its horn, wrapping the mare in a circle of green fire.

In a flash Thrasher found herself in a dungeon cell with. "No!", she shouted pounding on the door, "I can't go to jail again!" She looked around the cell. "When they finally let me out in the yard, I'm going to find the biggest, baddest bitch and bite her hoof off!"

Twilight continued to spy on Cadance as she treated the rest of her friends rudely. She refused to groove to Fluttershy's tasty bass licks, she snapped Pinkie's records in half on her turntable rig, she tipped over Rainbow's amp stack. The mare looked around noticing that Thrasher hadn't returned from the bathroom yet. "Where could she be?" She checked all the places Thrasher could be, she wasn't in any of the bathrooms, the bars in the ballrooms were untouched, Celestia's liquor cabinet was untouched, the castle's marijuana stashes were still fully stocked, she found her in none of the places where she could have passed out.

As Twilight continued to pass through the castle halls looking for Thrasher, she caught sight of Luna muttering to herself. "Princess Luna!", Twilight called out, "Something weird is going on. Cadance is acting completely rude and I can't find Thrasher anywhere."

Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "It is unlike Cadance to act unrighteous. You continue to investigate, I'll go check on something while I look for your friend."

Twilight nodded as she galloped away. Sneaking up to Shining's door she opened it a crack and peaked in. She froze in place watching the scene unfold.

Shining Armor fiddled with the sash across the chest of his red dress uniform. Cadance walked over annoyed and adjusted the sash, "Here let me! You're completely useless without my help."

"It's fine Cady.", Shining said, "I can handle-AH!" He winced in pain, placing a hoof to his head.

"Aw, still having headaches?", Cadance said coldly, "Here let me help you with that." Liting the magic in her horn, she fired a beam of green energy at Shining's head, causing his eyes to go crossed. "There all better, Now come along."

"Yes dear.", Shining said monotonically.

Twilight gave a soft gasp and ran off, she had to tell Celestia, Luna, her friends, somepony what was going on. Barreling through the hallways, she came to a screeching halt seeing five of her friends wearing flowing dresses. "Uh, what going on?"

"Haven't you heard, darling?", Rarity asked, "Princess Cadance has asked us to be her bride's maids!"

"Can't you see what's going on?!", Twilight asked in a near panicking state, "Cadance isn't acting like herself! Applejack, she threw out the food and joint you gave her! Rarity, she treated your decorations like they were garbage! Pinkie, she snapped your records in half! Fluttershy, she refused to groove to your bass licks! She acts like she doesn't know me! And has anypony seen Thrasher?"

Relax sugarcube before ya give yerself a stroke.", Applejack said, "She's pob'ly jus' stressed out, this here bein' her big day an' all."

"Besides we probably weren't giving her our best.", Fluttershy said demurely, "Like Applejack said, she's probably just stressed out. Sometimes when ponies are stressed out, they lash out."

"As far as Thrasher is concerned, she probably broke into one of the bars in that ballrooms and drank herself unconscious.", Rainbow said, "She'll probably turn up after the wedding."

"Has everypony gone crazy?!", Twilight shouted, running her hooves through her mane.

"Probably!", Pinkie chirped, "You have definitely gone loco in the coco. Don't worry about about Thrasher, I'll help you find her after the wedding. I'm the second best at finding her."

"Come on girls, we don't want to be late for the rehearsal.", Rarity said.

As Twilight watched her five friends walk off she plopped down on her haunches. Maybe she was going crazy. Maybe in all her stress she had pushed herself into a paranoid delusion. No! If she was capable of questioning her own sanity, she wasn't crazy yet. With renewed vigor, she pulled herself to her hooves and charged off to where the wedding rehearsal was going on, determination burning in her eyes. Bursting through the doors, she pointed an accusatory hoof at Cadance, "Stop this madness!"

All the ponies in the room gasped in shock.

"I don't know what happened to the Cadance I grew up with!", Twilight shouted angrily, "But she has become most unrighteous and is a totally evil cunt!"

Twilight's five friends, Shining Armor and Celestia glared at the lavender unicorn mare. Cadance fell into Shining's arms with dramatic crying, when she saw all the ponies glaring at Twilight, she sneered.

Celestia took an angry step towards her student. "You had better explain yourself."

"I saw Cadance treating my friends rudely. I saw her casting some kind of evil spell on my brother! She probably foalnapped Thrasher and has her tied up somewhere!"

Shining Armor placed his bride to be down gently on her hooves and stalked dangerously over to his sister. "Twilight.", he growled angrily, "What you saw was Cadance treating my migraines since I've been keeping this shield up over Canterlot to protect it since the threat." He took a stomping step forward. "As for how she treated your friends, she's been stressed out beyond belief because she's not only had to take care of all the planning for the wedding, but also the palace security because I wasn't able to take care of it myself."

Twilight flattened her ears against her head as she backed down from her angry brother, her hooves trembling in fear.

"Darling!", Rarity scolded, "How incredibly rude and insanely jealous you're being."

"You don't even care that all Cadance has talked about is gaining you as her sister-in-law!", Shining shouted, "Considering the way acting, consider yourself uninvited from our wedding."

Cadance quailed as she squeezed out crocodile tears. "I blame myself! I should have been a much better foalsitter and taught her how to be more righteous!" She threw herself on the floor sobbing dramatically.

Shining glared at Twilight before turning to comfort his fiance.

Tears filled Twilight's eyes as she flopped onto her haunches. Her voice cracked as she tried to talk, she instead consigned herself to flop on her belly and sob silently.

Celestia sighed, "Alright, I guess this take is ruined. Let's break for lunch and try again in an hour."

Twilight continued to sob to herself as her friends walked past. "Such an uncouth display!", Rarity snipped. "Unbecomin' and rude!", Applejack said dejectedly. "Totally uncool!", Rainbow tsked. "Super jelly!", Pinkie said. "I'm just...I'm just disappointed.", Fluttershy angrily. "Spoiled brat!", Shining Armor snarled.

Celestia loomed over student, clicking her tongue disappointingly. "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." Those words hurt Twilight worse than any blade ever could. "I blame myself. I should have taught you better. What you did is most unrighteous. You have a lot to think about." With that, the diarch of the sun walked out, slamming the door behind her, leaving a miserable Twilight alone in the room.

Twilight covered her face with her hooves and wept bitterly. "M-maybe I have gone crazy." Rising to her hooves, she pranced about as she spoke mockingly to herself, "Oh don't mind the crazy and jealous mare who just called her soon to be sister-in-law an evil cunt!" With an angry shout, she slammed her hoof into the wall and slumped back to her haunches. "Maybe the ponies with the white coats and butterfly nets will come soon and haul me off." Twilight turned hearing the doors open behind her, she froze in place seeing Cadance. "C-Cadance! Let me apologize for how I acted."

Cadance sneered down at Twilight. When she spoke, the voice that came out wasn't Cadance's, "You insufferable brat! You're constant snooping have nearly undone my plans. I must dispose of you too." Green magic lit in her horn and a circle of green flames surrounded the lavender mare.

Twilight screamed in fright as she pawed at the floor with her hooves as she was pulled down through the floor. She found herself landing hard in a cave filled with gem growths. The unicorn mare stared up at one of the crystalline columns seeing a pony/bug hybrid, its black carapace seemed to gleam, a twisted and gnarled horn grew from its head, a pair of long fangs hung in its mouth, a black crown with green highlights, seemingly made from carapace rested atop the creature's head, its green eyes glared maliciously as it cackled.

"Welcome to the crystal labyrinth little pony.", Chrysalis cackled, "For generations unicorns greedily mined the gems from underneath Canterlot carving out this maze, few live who know its paths. Soon this will become your grave!" She gave an expression of mock concern, "Don't worry about your little friends, soon enough my brood shall drain the metal from them to fuel the changeling smooth jazz." She threw back her head in raucous laughter.

Twilight rose to her hooves, her face twisting up in rage. Charging up the magic in her horn, she unleashed a beam of destructive energy with a scream. Other laughing images of Chrysalis appeared on more gem formation, with subsequent beam of lavender energy turned them to rubble. A lavender beam destroyed a gem formation revealing a familiar crying pink alicorn. Twilight charged forward roaring, the magic in her horn blazing.

Cadance held up her hooves in desperation. "Twilight! It's me!"

"PROVE IT!", Twilight roared.

Cadance began doing a silly little dance. "Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" She shook her rump finishing the silly dance.

"It's really you!", Twilight exclaimed, running over and hugging Cadance as tears poured down her face.

As Cadance hugged Twilight back, she said, "How did you get down here?"

"Some bug-thing posing as you banished me down here after I accused her of being an evil cunt!", Twilight exclaimed. She gave a scared gasp. "Oh my Celestia! My friends! Princess Celestia! Luna! Shining Armor! They're all in danger!"

"Then we don't have a second to waste!", Cadance exclaimed.

In the castle, Chrysalis still disguised as Cadance stared out a window cackling, Her voice took on a strange distorted and echo-y effect as she began to sing.
I remember I remember-remember all the rejection-rejection but now my vengeance grows

Cadance and Twilight ran through the crystal labyrinth seeking a way out as they began to sing.
Seek me! Call me!YYYYAAAAAAAHHHH!
Sleep brings relief! From the misery of being without you!

Once I was a young nymph who dreamed of the power of metal until they rejected me, now I return with the power of smooth jazz!
Shining Armor you know me!YOU KNOW ME ALL TO WWWWEEEEEELLLLL!
Once I cared about metal, but now I don't care anymore! Today the metal dies and my vengeance shall be complete!
In sorrow I cry out your name! And my voice mirrors my torment!Seek meee!
Celestia! I'll drag you down, smear you name all over the place! I'll laugh when you see my vengeance as metal dies!
For comfort!Call meee!For solace!Seek meee!For completion!Call meee!For the end of...
For today metal ends! Ha-ha-haaaa!

Chrysalis pulls out an alto sax and begins playing a smooth jazz solo. As the door opens, she quickly hides the sax.

"I'm sorry your majesty.", a guard apologizes, "I thought I heard a saxophone in here."

"No saxophone in here.", Chrysalis who was still disguised as Cadance said while giving a nervous smile, "Um...will they be starting another practice of the ceremony soon?"

"Yes your majesty.", the guard replied, "They're about to start again in about ten minutes."

"Thank you, that will be all.", Chrysalis said. After the guard left the room, she wiped her forehead, "Whew! That was a close one!" She straightened up her dress. "Okay time for the blushing bride to return. Heh-heh-heh!"

Cadance and Twilight, with the last push of their strength, leapt up to a ledge and broke through the ceiling into the dungeon. As they clambered out of the hole, they heard a deep voice singing from a nearby cell, opening the slat, they saw Thrasher sitting on the bunk and singing in a basso voice.
Nopony knows the trouble I've seen!
Nopony knows my sorrow!
Nopony knows the trouble I've seen!
Glory! Glory Hallelujah!

Cadance and Twilight looked to each other stunned.

Twilight shrugged, "I didn't know she was a bass."

"One of your friends?"

Twilight nodded.

"Alright, stand back!" Cadance lit the magic in her horn, broke the lock off and slammed door open.

Thrasher looked up from the cot, her face lit up seeing the familiar lavender unicorn mare. "Twilight!", she exclaimed running over and hugged her, "What year is it?! Is all food in pill form?! Have the machines risen up to slaughter all ponykind?!"

Twilight pushed back from the hug. "Thrasher, it's only been a couple of hours."

"Oh.", Thrasher said slightly embarrassed, "When you're on the inside, times moves differently." Looking over she saw Cadance and her face twisted up in anger. "You!", she snarled taking out a keg of beer.

Cadance snatched the keg from Thrasher, drained it and belched loudly in the mare's face. "If you're gonna hit the champ, you gotta kill the champ!" She crushed the keg against her forehead and tossed it down the hall, before trotting off triumphantly. "Come along! We've got a kingdom to save!"

Thrasher smiled as she followed Cadance down the hallway. "Now her I like!", she said to Twilight.

In the grand hall where the practice ceremony was taking place, one side of the double doors swung open and two bottles of beer sailed through the air, smashing into the face of the false Cadance. All traced back to where they came from to see Twilight and Thrasher bumping hooves.

"Hey fuck face!", Thrasher shouted, "You can't get rid of me so easily!"

Shining Armor growled angrily as he turned to face the two assailants.

"You two explain yourselves!", Celestia snapped.

The other side of the double doors snapped open revealing the real Cadance, causing all ponies in attendance to gasp. Cadance pointed her hoof. "Aunt Celestia! That impostor is the most unrighteous changeling, Queen Chrysalis!"

Chrysalis began laughing as she transformed into her original form.

"You have made a grave error in revealing yourself, bug!", Celestia growled as she pulled out her guitar.

"Oh! You want to duel?", Chrysalis mocked as she pulled out an alto sax, "Behold the power of changeling smooth jazz!"

Squeeling and grinding heavy metal guitar solo went against lilting smooth jazz alto sax solo as Celestia and Chrysalis dueled each other, power from both instruments clashing against each other. Sweat flowed down the foreheads of the two musical duelists, suddenly the strings on Celestia's guitar snapped and she was sent tumbling across the floor, smoke curling up off the instrument.

Chrysalis' eyes went wide with a combination of shock and joy. "Ha-ha-haaa! On this day changeling smooth jazz has defeated Equestrian metal!"

"Th-the elements of metal.", Celestia said weakly, "That's the only thing that can defeat her now."

The seven mares nodded as they galloped off to instrument cabinet where the elements of metal were stored.

"Shining Armor, be a dear and lower the shield.", Chrysalis said stroking the stallion's chin.

Shining Armor's stance went rigid as his face went blank and his eyes went crossed. "Yes dear."

The raspberry-colored shield over Canterlot dropped and the changelings swooped in playing smooth jazz on saxophones, coronets and piccolos. The ponies down below tried to combat the tide of smooth jazz with gangsta rap, country, metal, punk and free form experimental jazz, but found themselves overwhelmed. Octavia and Vinyl, who were visiting Canterlot on that day, found themselves backed into an alleyway with a fluffy pink unicorn mare and a light purple earth pony mare with swirly eyes, wearing a propeller beanie. The four mares pulled out a switchblade, a lead pipe, a length of chain and for some reason the light purple earth pony with the swirly eyes and propeller beanie pulled out a tech nine, holding it sideways. They rushed forward to take on the changelings street-style.

Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie and Thrasher brawled their way through the streets trying to get to the instrument cabinet where six of the elements of metal were being held. When they reached the main doors, a swarm of changelings swooped down on them from above, tackling the mares in a massive dog pile. The pile of changelings flew away in every direction as Rainbow launched herself upwards in a twisting uppercut. Pinkie grabbed Twilight with one hoof and began twisting her tail with the other hoof, sending a barrage of machine gun-like magical blasts clearing the last of the changelings from the front of the building.

The seven mares burst through the doors on the building where the instrument cabinet that held six of the elements of magic was located. They came to a screeching halt seeing hundreds of changelings waiting for them. With a loud belch, Thrasher threw an empty keg, bowling over two dozen changelings. The seven mares didn't hesitate for a second as the changelings swarmed in around them.

Celestia and Cadance were stuck to the floor with green goo, while Shining Armor stood rigid with a blank, crossed-eyed expression. Chrysalis cackled evilly as she played smooth jazz solos on her alto sax, all the while Celestia tried to gnaw her legs off.

The doors on the far end of the room flung open revealing the seven captured mares being lead in by a squadron of changelings. Chrysalis stopped playing to laugh victoriously. "Finally princess, you get to witness the-OW!" An empty beer can bounced off her head, interrupting her triumphant speech. She glared at Thrasher, "Will you stop throwing garbage at me!"

Thrasher pulled out another can of beer. "Fat chance!" She drained it and hurled the empty at Chrysalis, who ducked out of the way.

Chrysalis growled angrily. "Search her!"

After an hour of the changelings searching Thrasher, Chrysalis stared in shock at the confiscated booze. Eighteen cases of beer, five hundred loose cans and bottles of beer, eighty bottles of liquor, fifteen beer kegs and two party balls of light beer. "It's no small wonder you aren't a pickled corpse. No matter. Now behold as I stand victorious while the Canterlot will finally be subjugated with the ultimate changeling smooth jazz song." Putting the sax to her mouth she began playing a song that made everypony feel like their teeth were being drilled.

The seven mares writhed on the floor in agony, Cadance shrieked in pain as she felt like her teeth were being drilled without anesthesia, Celestia furiously gnawed at her legs to get away from the song. Luna dropped from the ceiling, wielding her guitar that resembled an ancient war axe, interrupting the smooth jazz.

"Halt interloper!", Luna shouted, "Thou may hast defeated mine sister, but now thou face my shred!" She and Chrysalis began musically dueling, Equestrian heavy metal shredding versus changeling smooth jazz.

"Hurry!", Luna shouted, "I can't hold her for long!"

Twilight slunk over to Cadance and blasted the goo away with her magic. "Go to him!"

Thrasher closed her eyes, feeling the metal flow and raised a hoof. "Come to me Lucy." In Ponyville the old worn guitar in Thrasher's house shot through the roof and sailed through the air towards Canterlot.

Cadance rushed over to Shining Armor and threw her forelegs around him in a tight embrace. "Come back to me Shiny.", she whispered softly through tears. She touched her horn to his, summoning up the last of her magic to break the changeling queen's spell.

Shining Armor blinked and caught his fiance as she collapsed. "C-Cady? What's going on?"

Cadance pulled Shining in a tighter embrace. "Oh Shiny! You're back!"

Shining Armor looked around the room and growled at Chrysalis. Luna slid backwards across the floor from a blast of smooth jazz, her hooves kicking up sparks. "I can't hold her power back much longer!"

Thrasher hurled Lucy to the couple and Cadance caught it out of the air. She and Shining Armor were covered in black leather with steel spikes. Cadance and Shining Armor summoned the metal from within them. Cadance played out a power chord and a wall of pure shred rushed out from them. Chrysalis' alto sax shattered into pieces as she and her changeling brood were hurled through the air. "I'll get you and your little band too!", Chrysalis shouted as she was hurled into the distance. Cadance and Shining Armor levitated through the air as a sweet shredding solo played. Alighting back on their hooves, Cadance tossed Lucy back to Thrasher. For weeks ponies across Canterlot would be cleaning the remains of squished changelings that had been inside houses and buildings.

A week later the real wedding between Shining and Cadance happened with Celestia officiating. "Do you, Captain Shining Armor take this mare as your wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse?"

"I do."

Celestia turned to Cadance. "Do you Princess Mi Amore Cadanza..."

"Cadance if you please, Auntie Celestia."

"Bitch, don't tell me how to do my job." Celestia cleared her throat and continued, "Do you Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, to take this stallion as your husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse?"

"Then by the powers granted to me by the sun and the laws of Equestria, I pronounce you stallion and wife."

Celestia walked out on the balcony where a massive crowd had gathered. "Mares and gentlestallion, I present to you Prince Shining Armor and Princess...Cadance!" The crowd roared with cheers as Cadance and Shining Armor walked onto the balcony waving.

As the party at the wedding reception went on into the night, Pinkie slid up to the table where Octavia and Vinyl were sitting. "Sooo, who were those two mares that were helping you two fight off the changelings the other day?"

Octavia and Vinyl looked at Pinkie confused. "Pinkie, dearie what are you talking about?", Octavia asked, "We only arrived in town today."

Pinkie rubbed her chin in thought. "Hmm, must've been a cross-dimension confluence."

As mares and stallions danced, drank and whooped for joy, Thrasher and Twilight sat in a quiet corner making out.

Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Shining looked over at Twilight and Thrasher making out. "Huh! I guess Twily's into mares."

"Aaaand the last pony crosses the line!", Celestia, Luna and Cadance said to Shining Armor.

The crystal riot

Twilight sat a table in Sugarcube corner sipping on a glass of juice and munching absentmindedly on a piece of cake while wracking her brain on some new lyrics. Pinkie and Applejack say across from her discussing some new musical techniques they had been developing.

"I was thinking of going with wicky-wicky-wrr-rrr-rr-rrr-ebbit-ebbit-shoo-shooo!", Pinkie said while moving her hooves moving on a pair of turntables, "Then I hit out a few chords on the keyboard like dun-doo-doo-dee-dwa-dun! Tomorrow I'm thinking of talking to Vinyl and seeing if she has any sampling techniques she'd like to share."

"Jus' dun sample any of those little blue pills or ya might jus' find yerself gettin' rutted stupid by five stallions.", Applejack said. With a sigh, she looked off into space, "Ah need tuh see if'n Ah still have their numbers."

Twilight didn't register the conversation as she wracked her brain trying to figure out what to write. She began to absentmindedly doodle.

Applejack looked over at Twilight. "Whatcha drawin' there Twi?", she said pulling the sheet of paper over.

"Eep!" Twilight desperately grasped at the paper with her hooves.

"Well Ah say, this here's a right proper likeness o' Thrasher.", AJ said with a grin, "If'n Ah didn't know no better, Ah'd say that yuh were in love with her."

Twilight blushed and looked down to the floor. "It's not that...I just can't get her out of my head today. I mean she drives me crazy with her abrasiveness, but she's also sweet and we have fun together."

Pinkie looked at the paper the back to Twilight. "Thrasher is as uncomfortable with the L-word as you are. But whether you two L-word each other or just have fun, I can say that Thrasher is the happiest I've seen her in a long time."

"Yuh know Pinkie now that ya mention it, she seems to be drinking less now than at any other time Ah've known her. Dun get me wrong, she can still put enough away to give an alicorn cirrhosis, she jus' now spaces it out more. It's been a month since Ah've found 'er blacked out inna a field or an alley.", Applejack said passing the paper back, "Whatever has bitten you has bitten her hard too."

Twilight blushed a deeper shade of red as she folded the paper and put it in her saddlebags. "Thanks."

Spike rushed in the shop, the frills on his head and back normally green were dyed multiple neon colors. "Twilight! Twilight!", he shouted waving his phone in his hand, "You got a text from Celestia!"

The three mares snickered at the multicolored frills on the little dragon. "What in th' wide world of Equus happened to you spike? Ya get jumped by a rainbow an' a neon sign?", Applejack said trying to hold back laughter. Pinkie simply fell onto the floor roaring with gut-busting guffaws.

Spike simply glared at the three mares. "If you must know, I volunteered to help Rarity test out some new dyes she recently developed."

"More like*snrk* you let her smear that goop on yer scales*snrk* while ya rutted her with yer eyes.", Applejack said before falling over laughing.

Rainbow Dash busted in the shop. "Omigosh, girls have you seen-bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She began rolling around in the air.

Spike glared up the the laughing laughing pegasus.

Rainbow wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry Spike. It just looks like you've been bukkaked by a malfunctioning rainbow machine."

This time all four mares lost it as they fell hard on the floor with gut busting laughter.

Spike growled as he crossed his arms. "I don't what's so funny about helping one of the nicest, prettiest*sigh*, most beautiful ponies in the world." He shook his head to clear the current line of thought. "When you decide to get serious, Twilight, you have the text from Celestia to see about."

"I'm sorry I'm sorry!", Twilight wheezed as she got back up to her hooves, "Let's see the text."

Spike ran his claw across the phone, opening the text. "It seems there's a video attachment."

Twilight levitated the phone over and opened the attachment, a few seconds later the video downloaded revealing Celestia. "Greetings my faithful student, I need you to come to..."

Luna pushed her way into the video. "Is this the new smartphone you've been trying to get me to use sister? Hello little version of me!" She waved a hoof.

Celestia sighed as she nudged Luna aside. "Luna, please! I only have a short time to make this."

"Maybe if you didn't eat so much cake, then your flank wouldn't be so big and then there would be more room for both of us on your picture phone.", Luna said dejectedly from off screen.

Celestia sighed before continuing. "Twilight come to the castle. Your biggest test as a frontmare is coming, the-" The video ended.

Twilight began to slowly hyperventilate and dropped the phone.

Spike dove for the phone, only to miss it by a fraction of an inch as it hit the floor and the screen shattered. "Crap! That was a brand new fifteen-hundred bit I-plum. Why didn't I get the insurance for it?" He scrapped up the broken remains of the phone. "Well that's hard earned money shot to shit."

"You don't understand Spike!", Twilight shouted, "This is the big! Celestia has a test for me! There's never been a test she's given me that I haven't prepared and studied for! What happens if I don't get a perfect score?!" Her eyes became pinpricks. "What if I get an A minus or a*gasp* B plus?!" She swooned and nearly fainted.

Thrasher walked into Sugarcube corner. "Hey Pinkie! I got that burn cream you wanted! Next time be more careful when taking pans out...whoa it looks like I just walked in on a full blown Twily-nanas. And Spike, why does your head look like Dash clam stamped you?"

"Ya want th' long or th' short story?"

Thrasher shrugged. "Gimme the short story."

"Twi received a vidjuh from Celestia 'bout a test an' now she's havin' a breakdown.", AJ said, "As fer Spike lookin' like jus' got mugged by a neon sign, Rares was testin' out some newfangled dyes on him."

"You left out the part where she broke my new I-plum.", Spike grumbled.

"That's why I refuse to upgrade from the old Tia thirty-three-ten.", Thrasher said pulling out her old phone, "I've had this baby for ten years, other than a couple of nicks and scuffs, it still works perfectly fine."

"I don't see what's so great about a phone from twenty years ago that can't receive video attachments.", Spike grumbled smugly.

Thrasher smirked. "You drop your phone from the counter top and it shatters into a million pieces. I could throw this baby from the top of Cloudsdale and it would hollow out a crater in the ground, plus it has an amazing anti-theft feature." When spike raised a skeptical eyebrow, Thrasher replied, "Go ahead, try and take it." When Spike reached for the phone, she threw it into his head.

Spike laid on the ground with his eyes spinning in his head for a moment. "Ow!", he said rising from the ground, rubbing his head.

"Uh, Spike? You might wanna go and wash the goop offa your head.", Rainbow said pointing a hoof.

Spike looked down at his hand seeing where the dye had rubbed off his frills. "Crap." He left Sugercube Corner to find a shower.

Thrasher sat Twilight in a chair. "Twilight, look at me. Just breath. You're going to be fine. If anypony can ace any test, it'll be you." She pulled out a can of beer and passed it to Twilight. "Here, drink this."

After Twilight drank the beer, she gave a small burp, "Thanks."

"No problem babe.", Thrasher replied, "Now no more worrying about this test for today, instead let's look at the new lyrics you've written." She reached a hoof to Twilight's saddle bags.

"No!", Twilight exclaimed blushing, "They're not ready!" It was too late as Thrasher pulled out the folded up piece of paper.

"Well I'm flattered.", Thrasher said looking over the doodle of herself, "But it's missing one thing." She picked up a pencil and began adding to the doodle and passed it back.

Twilight blushed even harder as she looked down at the paper, Thrasher had added a doodle of herself kissing the doodle of Thrasher, a barbed wired heart floating above their heads and the words, "Best sexy friends forever" written on a banner.

Thrasher turned and left the shop with a flirtatious flick of her tail.

The next morning the seven mare and Spike boarded the train to Canterlot.

"I'm so sorry Spike.", Rarity said looking looking over the weird swirling colors on Spike's frills, "I guess I'll have to give out some refunds."

Spike chuckled sheepishly. "Aw don't worry about it. You didn't know how it would respond to my scales."

Twilight fumbled through her overstuffed saddlebags. "Did I bring enough quills, ink, parchment? What if it's an oral exam?!"

Thrasher snickered. "You're making it too easy. Just relax, everything will go fine."

Applejack leaned over the back of the seat. "Dun worry yer head one lil bit sugarcube. Jus' remember what my second cousin three times removed Bob Marely said, 'Don't worry about a thing 'cause everything is gonna be alright'."

"I forgot he was your cousin.", Pinkie chirped, "Your family basically created trotstafarian music."

"Eyup!", AJ replied proudly, "His family still owns th' ole plantation in Jamaneca."

As the train passed the checkpoint leading into Canterlot, the two guards uncrossed their spears.

"I still don't see how we're supposed to stop a train with just these spears.", the first guard said.

"If you want to complain, go ahead. As for me, I'm perfectly happy to earn easy bits on this job. It beats patrolling the streets or scrubbing toilets.", the second guard replied.

The Seven mares and Spike walked up to the castle. Standing at the entrance to the throne room, Twilight shuffled her hooves nervously while she hemmed and hawed.

"You got this babe.", Thrasher said nuzzling Twilight, "You'll do great." She swatted her on the flank with a hoof. "Go knock 'em dead!"

Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat as she entered the throne room and froze seeing the princesses waiting for her. "Pr-pr-princesses Celestia a-a-and Luna.", she stammered bowing before taking out the books, quills, ink pots and scrolls out of her saddlebags, "I'm ready to take your test, I even brought extensive notes on everything in the event the test is oral." She unrolled several long scrolls covered with notes.

Celestia smiled softly as she looked over the notes, then folded them up and passed them to Twilight. "It's not that type of test my faithful student." She stared out a window facing north and sighed. "The Crystal Empire has returned."

Twilight quickly flipped through her notes and text books. "I don't see anything about the Crystal Empire."

"I doubt you would.", Luna replied, "The Crystal Empire vanished before reliable records were kept."

"Oh.", Twilight said softly as she put her things back in her saddle bag.

"It used to be a most righteous kingdom that not only exported the most beautiful crystals anypony had ever seen, but also the best metal with the crunchiest licks anypony had ever heard. It was ruled by a just and righteous queen until a lame-flanked unicorn named Sombra seized power with the intention replacing all metal with*shudder* easy listening.", Celestia said stoically, "Luna and I defeated him and banished him and that totally unrighteous easy listening in the glacers of the north. Unfortunately he had cursed the kingdom and with his defeat the Empire vanished."

Celestia turned to face Twilight and lit the magic in her horn, making a crystal appear on the floor. "If righteousness and brutality are restored to the Crystal Empire, then metal will reign across the land protecting all music. But if lameness and easy listening are allowed to rule..." Tacky, glittery swirls of magic poured out of corners of her eyes causing the crystal to warp as wrongteous music began playing.

Twilight began backing away in fear before Celestia dropped the spell. With a gesture of her hoof, the two sisters guided Twilight back out to the foyer where her friends were waiting. "Shining Armor and Cadance will be waiting for you all at the Crystal Empire. And remember Twilight, as you being frontmare, the success of this mission falls to you.", Celestia said calmly. The two sisters raised an eyebrow at Spike's multicolored frills.

"Spike?", Luna asked, "Why does it look like a rainbow masturbated on your head?"

Spike grumbled under his breath as he left the foyer, followed by the seven mares.

Once the group had left, Celestia and Luna fell out laughing. "Oh my me, Luna!", Celestia exclaimed between laughs, "I nearly busted out laughing when I saw Spike and then when you said that, I nearly pissed myself!"

Luna couldn't speak as she gasped for air between gut shaking laughs.

As The group boarded the train for the Crystal Empire, Twilight fidgeted in the seat nervously.

"Relax sweetness.", Thrasher said laying her head on Twilight's wither, "I bet you did great."

Twilight rubbed her temples with her hooves. "That wasn't the test. We have to go somewhere called the Crystal Empire. I have to save it from easy listening or all music in Equestria will be threatened."

All the mares and the dragon shuddered visibly at the mention of easy listening.

"Shh. Shh. I'm sure it's not going to be that bad.", Thrasher said trying to calm Twilight down. She dug around under mane for a moment before pulling out a narrow black box. "I was going to save this as a surprise until we got back to Ponyville, but...will you be my special somepony?"

Twilight gasped softly as she opened the box revealing a thin silver chain with a medallion depicting two crossed guitars. "I-I don't know what to say.", she said, her voice catching in her throat.

"You say yes!", Rarity exclaimed.

Twilight looked up to her five friends. "Did you all know of this?"

The other mares shook their head no except Pinkie who nodded her head yes. "The only pony who knows Thrasher betterer than me is my older sister!", she chirped happily.

Twilight leaned in close and kissed Thrasher hard. "Yes! Yes, I will be your special somepony!", she shouted excitedly. She turned her back to Thrasher and lifted her mane. "Help me put it on?"

Thrasher smiled gently as she took the necklace in her hoof and clasped the necklace around Twilight's neck. Pulling Twilight backwards, she said, "Now just lay back and relax." After Twilight laid back against her, Thrasher wrapped her forelegs around the lavender unicorn. Looking up at the other beaming mares, she said, "What? You all never seen two special someponies snuggling on a train?"

After the other mares had turned around whispering excitedly to each other, Twilight closed her eyes to take a nap, buzzing happily. As the brakes on the train squealed loudly, Twilight snapped awake. Every pony and dragon on the train lurched forward slightly as the train came to a stop at the station.

Stepping out on the platform, the mares and dragon shivered as the snowstorm blew. Shining Armor walked out of the whipping snow wrapped up in thick winter clothing and wearing a pair of snow goggles. "Come along everypony, we've got to make it to the city! There's dangerous things out here in the snow!", he shouted over the wind.

Shining Armor led Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Thrasher and Spike through the near-blinding snowstorm. Deep laughter could be heard over the wind and the ponies and dragon looked behind them. A column of black smoke with a pair of malicious eyes, glittering with tacky magic began floating along the ground towards them. A head of a black unicorn with a curved red horn materialized. Shining Armor fired off a blast of raspberry-colored magic, causing the smoke creature to dissipate momentarily. "Run for the city!", he shouted pointing a hoof, "I'll hold him off as long as I can."

As the unicorn began materializing out of the smoke again, an empty beer bottle sailed through his head. He glared down at Thrasher and said in a booming voice, "Really?! Look at me! I'm fucking made of smoke and you throw trash at me?"

Thrasher dug in her hooves facing the monster and took out a keg. "I guess I'll have to step up my game then. Bring it on!"

Applejack grabbed Thrasher by the nape of her neck between her teeth. "Wun now, grink lafer!", she shouted through the mouthful dragging Thrasher back towards the city.

Shining Armor lit the magic in his horn ready to fight as the snow swirled around him.

After the eight of them made it into the city, Twilight turned back and shouted ,"Shiny's still out there!"

Thrasher shoved Applejack off of her. "Alright alright! We're in the city." She trotted over to Twilight, pulled out a bottle beer, drained it and smashed it against one of the crystal structures making an improvised knife. "Let's go get you brother!"

As the two prepared to charge out into the snow, Shining Armor staggered back into the city with dark crystals embedded in his horn.

"Your horn.", Twilight whimpered.

Shining Armor tried to summon his magic, only to find it blocked by the crystals. "I'll be fine for now, we just need to get to Cadance."

The group made their way into the massive spire that was the Crystal Castle where a very exhausted looking Cadance sat on the throne, her horn blazing with magic.

Twilight hugged Cadance. "Are you okay?", she asked with a concerned look on her face.

Cadance put on a brave smile.,

"Cady's been been up for three days keeping the barrier in place that's been keeping Sombra and*shudder* easy listening out.", Shining Armor said concerned. "So do you know what you're supposed to be doing?"

Twilight's expression fell. "Not entirely. I know I'm supposed to stop Sombra and*shudder* easy listening, but I don't know where to start."

"Dun you worry none sugarcube.", AJ spoke up, "If'n anypony c'n firgue this here out, it'll be ya."

The other mares voiced their agreement.

Shining looked down at his little sister and her friends, a small glint of silver around her neck caught his attention. He pointed a hoof, "I like your necklace. Where'd you get it?"

Twilight looked down at the necklace and blushed slightly. "Thrasher gave it to me."

As the seven mares turned to walk out, Shining Armor hummed approvingly.

Cadance smiled weakly. "I'm glad for her."

Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Thrasher, Applejack, Pinkie and Rainbow began spreading out across the city. "There's got to be a library or a hall of records or something we can use to find some information on what we need.", Twilight said.

"Um...sorry...oh...ah...I'm s-sorry, can you help us find the library? It's okay if you can't.", Fluttershy whispered to a passing crystal pony.

The crystal pony didn't respond, instead keeping it's face turned downwards in a depressed expression.

"Tell us where the library is.", Rainbow demanded, getting in the face of a crystal pony.

"I...I can't remember.", the crystal pony replied before cowering in the ground, "Please don't hurt me or play anymore easy listening."

Twilight screeched to a halt, causing the six other mares to slam into her flanks. "If anything looks like a library, that has to be it!", she exclaimed pointing to a building. She hurried up the step, with the six others behind her. "Excuse me...", she said to an elderly crystal pony mare standing inside, "...can you help me find the historical reference section."

The crystal pony only murmured a depressed response.

AJ waved her hoof in front of the face of the crystal pony. "Ah think we're on our own with this'un."

Twilight sighed, "Alright, we each take a section of the library and see what we can find."

After several hours the seven mares sat at various tables or on the floor sorting through stacks of books or fruitlessly flipping through pages.

"We're getting nowhere!", Rainbow exclaimed as she flopped face first into an open book.

"Wait a minute!", Twilight said excitedly, "I think I found something." She flipped back and forth between a few pages. "It says here that the Crystal Empire used to hold a festival that culminated with a concert and an object called the Crystal Microphone was brought out. When the leader of the empire would sing into the microphone, it would spread metal throughout the empire and it would fill the crystal ponies with inspiration to protect the music of the land."

Twilight read on for a couple of minutes before continuing, "It says here before the concert, they'd have jousting tournaments, T-shirt stands, crystal wine booths and smaller venues where newer bands and even solo musicians would perform."

"I can take care of the T-shirts well enough.", Rarity said.

"Jousting will be cinch for me.", Rainbow piped up.

"Seeing as we don't have enough time to make wine, I can give up a few kegs.", Thrasher added, "Though it may not be wine, booze is booze and from the way these ponies look, they could definitely use it."

Twilight rubbed her chin. "Then I guess I can gut one of our amps to build a Crystal Amplifier. We can each trade off on the smaller venues."

The seven mares nodded and hurried off to set up the festival.

Applejack scratched her head looking at the amp that Twilight had hastily constructed. "Uh, don't take this th' wrong way Twi, but Ah dun think that'll amplify a slide whistle without blowin' out or fallin' apart."

Twilight sighed. "I know AJ, but I couldn't find any specs on a crystal amplifier, so I carved the box out of a chunk of crystal, then took the speaker and board out of one of our amps. Hopefully crystal amplifiers serve more as ceremonial pieces than actual musical hardware."

After Twilight set up the amp she had built on a pedestal at the base of the Crystal Castle, a few depressed crystal ponies ambled by. "Come an' see th' Crystal Amplifier!", AJ called out.

The nearby crystal ponies seemed to regain some of their color as they hurried to see it, they almost immediately lost their color again as they slipped back into a depressed state. "That's not the Crystal Amplifier.", one of the crystal ponies said sadly.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh! This here's jus' a representation o' th' real Crystal Amplifier.", Applejack said sheepishly, "Th' real one's bein' adjusted an' polished 'fore it's brought out." She hurried to Twilight. "Twi! Th' Crystal Amplifier ain't a ceremonial piece, it's a real thang!", she whisper-shouted.

Twilight quickly snatched a flag off of a pole with her magic and covered the fake Crystal Amplifier with it. "Stall tham as long as possible while I try and find the real amplifier!", Twilight whisper-shouted back. "Spike!", she shouted, "Come on! We've got to see if the castle has a records repository or a library!"

Spike hurried to Twilight's side as she hurried into the castle.

"Come on Fluttershy!", Rainbow said forcefully, "Let's show these ponies how to joust!" She placed a crystal helmet on her head before slapping one onto Fluttershy's head then picked up a lance in her hooves.

"If you wanted to spear Fluttershy, you should just ask nicely!", Thrasher shouted, "Also I think Rarity is going to feel a little left out!"

Rarity rolled her eyes at Thrasher's comment as she ironed an Iron Mare transfer onto a T-shirt. "Here you go darling!", she said in a chipper tone as she helped a crystal pony put on the T-shirt.

Twilight flipped through old books in the castle library as Spike brought her a pile of ancient scrolls. Unrolling a scroll, she gasped, "Spike! I just found the specs for the Crystal Amplifier!" She quickly scanned through the other scrolls. "Oh my Celestia! The Crystal Amplifier is hidden in the castle!"

A crystal pony walked up to the drink booth and looked at the beer kegs. "That doesn't look like crystal berry wine casks."

Thrasher pushed a tap into the keg and poured a cup of foamy, amber liquid. "True, this isn't crystal berry wine. We didn't haven't time to ferment any. This is the nectar of the gods. It's called beer!" She passed the cup to the crystal pony.

The crystal pony took a sip of the beer, suddenly the stallion's face lit up as the color began returning to his body. "This is great!", he shouted before downing the rest of the cup, "Now I wanna punch Sombra right in his bitch face!"

"Yeah it's pretty great.", Thrasher chuckled as she filled another cup, "Here, have another."

As Twilight hurried through the halls of the castle with Spike in tow, Shining caught up with her. "Twily! What's up?! I haven't seen you this determined since Canterlot."

"The Crystal Amplifier is in the castle and I think I know where it is!", Twilight exclaimed, "Help keep the crystal ponies occupied while I find it."

Shining Armor nodded before quickly hurrying off.

When Twilight reached the throne room, she and Spike began inspecting the throne. Spike tried shoving the throne, before slumping in exhaustion. "I don't think I can move it."

Twilight clicked her tongue in thought. "I think I know how he hid it. Quickly Spike, cover your ears!"

"Why?"

"Nopony needs to hear this*shudder* easy listening." After Spike had stuffed his fingers in his ear holes, Twilight lit her horn and painful music began playing from her magic. The throne disappeared, revealing a spiral staircase leading down. Looking down the staircase, Twilight shard of crystal and dropped it. She strained her ears listening for the sound of the sound of the shard hitting bottom, a frown spread across her mouth when she didn't hear the shard hit bottom.

Twilight gulped hard before walking down the spiral staircase. Her hoof slipped on a piece of loose crystal and she slipped off the edge of the stairs, as she plummeted into the darkness, she narrowly caught the edge of a flight of stairs with her hooves. "What the fuck, Sombra! Have you never heard of safety railing or banisters?!" She pulled herself back up on the stairs and looked down, when she could see the bottom of the stairs, she said, "Fuck this!" Summoning up her magic, Twilight teleported to the bottom.

Twilight steadied herself after materializing at the bottom of the stairs. Looking around she saw a door. Reaching up a hoof, the door moved. "Of fucking course!", she grumbled. Lighting the magic in her horn, she fired a beam of magic at the top of the door, a beam of magic fired back at her from the top of the door as it opened. "Princess Celestia! Please no, I can do better! Thrasher, please don't leave me! I love you!"

"Twilight!", Spike shouted as he nudged Twilight, "Are you okay?! You were down here a long time crying."

Twilight quickly shook her head to dispel the disturbing images. "Thank you Spike." Her eyes glistened with inspiration, she quickly shoved Spike in front of the door and fired a beam of magic.

A beam of dark magic fire from the top of the door and hit Spike in thge top of his head as it opened. "Rarity! Please no! Why are you giving me a restraining order?! Twilight, please no! You love metal! Don't take up smooth jazz!"

Twilight dropped the spell and pulled Spike in for a hug. "It's okay Spike! It was just a spell meant to show you your fears." She rubbed her chin in thought. "I've got an idea." She summoned up a mic with her magic and began singing Iron Mare. The door snapped open revealing another spiral staircase leading up.

"Great! More stairs.", Spike said dejectedly, "You'd think Sombra has never heard of elevators."

"Come on Spike!", twilight shouted as she levitated the drake onto her back and began hurrying up the stairs

Shining Armor and Cadance made their way out onto the balcony as Pinkie blew a sour note on a horn.

"What?!", Pinkie shrugged, "I play turn tables and keyboard, not trumpet."

Cadance gasped in exhaustion as she slumped onto the banister, her magic dropped and Sombra began to materialize on the edge of the city. As he lifted a flugelhorn to his lips, Shining nudged Cadance. Opening her eyes, Cadance quickly reignited her shield spell. The descending spell wall knock the flugelhorn from Sombra's grasp and it landed on the edge of the city. The evil *shudder* easy listening loving unicorn laughed wickedly as he dissipated into smoke and the flugelhorn sank slowly into the ground, causing cheap brass instruments to begin slowly spread.

Cadance slowly rose to her hooves and said weakly, "Fear not my subjects, I have been assured that the Crystal Amplifier is being brought out soon." She winced in pain, causing the shield to flicker momentarily. Shining looked out at the shield seeing Sombra in his smoke form laughing as he spun a flugelhorn in his hooves. "Please hurry Twilight!", he whispered, "Cadance keep the*shudder* easy listening out for long!"

"Princess teatfucking Celestia!", Spike exclaimed, "How high do these stairs go?!"

"All the way to the top.", Twilight snarked, trying to keep her spirits up. She looked out and saw the shield flicker. "This isn't good!", she murmured to herself. "Hang on Spike, we're taking the express route!"

"About damn time!", Spike snapped.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she cast a spell. Gravity for her and Spike inverted as they landed on the bottom of the spiral staircase, using it as an impromptu slide.

As a crystal pony came to peek at the fake amp, Applejack placed herself between the pony and the fake amp. "Dun worry, th' Crystal Amplifier will be revealed soon. Why don't y'all go get a beer." After the crystal pony trotted off, she flopped down on her haunches sighing and wiped sweat from her forehead. "Rainbow Dash!", she called out to the cyan pegasus, "C'mere! Ah need ya tuh hol' down things here while Ah help keep these here ponies occupied."

"Can do!", Rainbow exclaimed as she flapped over.

AJ started to walk off, only to stop in her tracks. "Uh, that cain't be good.", she said as she turned Rainbow's head with a hoof.

RD's eyes became pinpricks at the cheap brass horns slowly spreading towards the castle. "You go and help keep the ponies entertained, I've got this on lock down!"

Rarity trotted over. "I've run out of T-shirts and had to improvise one with a burlap sack." A crystal pony walked over wearing a burlap sack with a Maretallica iron-on freshly pressed on it. "I made it work."

Sparks flew from Twilight's hooves as she slip upwards on the base of the spiral staircase. Reaching the top of the castle, she landed with a thump. "Hot hot hot hot!", she shouted shaking her hooves.

"What do you think you're looking at?!", Rainbow shouted, getting up in the face of a crystal pony. Another came to look under the flag hiding the fake amp. "Hey! Get away from there!" She flew over and shoved the crystal pony away. When another crystal pony started to pull the flag off the fake amp, Rainbow grabbed it in her teeth. "I shaid ket akvay shom dere!", she shouted through the mouthful of flag.

Rainbow successfully snatched the flag away from the crystal pony and accidentally revealed the false amp. The crowd of crystal ponies who had gathered to watch the struggle gasped as they false amp was revealed.

"The Crystal Amplifier!", Twilight gasped seeing the gleaming crystal amp. She reached up a hoof to touch the magical artifact. "It's beautiful!"

Veins bulged in Cadances neck and forehead as she struggled to keep the spell up, as sweat poured down her face. "Ngh! Can't...keep...it...up...ngh!" Her eyes rolled up in their sockets as she collapsed from exhaustion. The shield flickered a few times before it dropped.

Twilight's eyes became pinpricks when she saw the shield flicker and drop. "Oh no!" She reached up and grabbed the Crystal Amplifier in her hooves. Black crystals and cheap brass horns surrounded her.

"Twilight!", Spike shouted as he reached out claw to help the lavender unicorn.

Sombra laughed as he manifested from his smoke form and began walking on a rapidly growing dark crystal formation. He placed the flugelhorn to his lips and began playing a wrongteous tune.

The crystal ponies screamed in fear as they began trampling away from the *shudder* easy listening. "It's Sombra! Run for your lives!"

Twilight cast a teleportation spell and materialized outside the circle of dark crystals and cheap brass horns. A dark magic spell immediately snapped her back into the circle. Tossing the Crystal Amplifier through the gaps in the crystals, she shouted, "Spike! Get this to Cadance!"

"What about you?!"

"Don't worry about me! I'll figure out a way to get out of here! Go before it's too late!"

Spike nodded hesitantly before running to the edge of the castle. Narrowly dodging dark crystal growths, he leapt onto a downward sloping crystal formation and began running as fast as his stumpy legs could carry him.

Twilight watched as Spike disappeared from view. "Get there safely.", she whispered. As the dark crystals and cheap brass horns began slowly creeping towards her, she placed a hoof on the silver necklace and closed her eyes. "I love you Thrasher. I don't know how I'm getting out of here." A single tear trickled down her cheek.

"Look!" Thrasher shouted as she pointed a hoof at the purple drake with green frills running as hard as he could.

"Hold on! I'm-ahhhh!" A growth of dark crystal tripped up Spike. He went into free fall as her plummeted off the castle, desperately grasping at the Crystal Amplifier.

"Spike!", Shining Armor shouted looking up. He quickly pulled Cadance up to her hooves.

"The Amplifier!", Sombra shouted as he launched himself off the rapidly growing dark crystal formation.

Cadance quickly looked around assessing the situation. "Shiny! Stage dive now!"

Without a moment's hesitation, Shining Armor hoisted Cadance above his head and she launched herself with renewed strength. Every pony held their breath as the seconds felt like hours as Cadance and Sombra reached their hooves for the Crystal Amplifier. Cadance snatched the amp away with her hooves at the last second and grabbed Spike with her magic.

Cadance's landed on the ground, her hooves making a loud crack.

Sombra landed on the ground, his hooves making a loud thud. "Good show heir of Mi Amore, but the empire is mine!"

Cadance quickly plugged a mic into the Crystal Amplifier and shouted, "Ponies of the Crystal Empire! Unleash your inner metal!"

Magical crystal instruments appeared in front of Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Thrasher.

Sombra laughed evilly as he lifted a fluelhorn to his lips slowly.

Cadance growled dangerously. "This motherfucker is gonna get my metal!"

As the six mares began playing, pyrotechnics went off and a banner unfurled reading "On Hoof Death Buck".

Cadance raised the mic to her mouth and began singing.

This big bully tryin' to shove his hoof in my chest and tell me he's the best

I don't give a good Celestia-damn 'cause

I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real well!

I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real well!

I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real wwwwweeeeeelllll!

When I grow up, I wanna be a heavy metal princess

Oh when I grow up I wanna be a heavy metal princess

So nopony fucks with mmmmmeeeeeee! Yeah!

I got the crystal ponies at my back

And in the empire Ima throw down!

Wanna go? Wanna rumble?

In the Crystal Empire Ima throwdown!

This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal!

This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal!

This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal!

This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal!

When I grow up I wanna be a heavy metal princess!

Oh! When I grow up I wanna beeee a heavy metal prrrrrriinnnceeeesss!

So nopony fucks with meeeeeee! Hah!

Sombra found himself being pushed back by the wall of sound. Sneering, he raised the flugelhorn to his lips and a crystal brick slammed into it, shattering it into thousands of pieces. Sombra looked around shocked as crystal ponies started storming forward shouting as one, "This motherfucker's gonna catch our metal!" They began throwing more bricks, bottles, burning torches, pitchforks and a very shocked cat.

A crystal pentagram launched from Cadance and slammed into Sombra. "Nnnnnoooooo!", he screamed as his form shattered into millions of pieces. All across the empire the dark crystal formations and cheap brass horns shattered into dust.

Twilight gasped in surprise and glee as the formations that were creeping in on her turned to dust. A massive pentagram shot into the sky and spread across the land. Celestia and Luna watched out the window as the pentagram in the sky spread.

"I knew Twilight could do it.", Celestia said proudly.

Luna said nothing as she gave the metal hoof.

That evening Celestia met Twilight. "I'm proud of you my faithful student."

Twilight shuffled her hooves. "But I didn't get the Crystal Amplifier to Cadance, I-"

Celestia gently placed her hoof on Twilight's lips. "You did what had to as a frontmare. I only told you that you had to make sure the mission was a success and you showed true leadership by making sure it got to Cadance. That's all that matters."

The other six mares made their way into the room along with Cadance and Shining Armor. Twilight rushed over and kissed Thrasher, "I've had a rough day."

"Need a beer?"

Twilight grabbed Thrasher and started pulling her away. "No talking! Bedroom!"

"Third door on the left down that hallway!", Cadance called out after the two mares.

"You think one day soon I'm going to get a sister-in-law?", Shining Armor asked.

"Shut up and kiss me!", Cadance said pressing her lips into Shining's.

Author's Note

Thank you all for reading and I hope you all enjoy.

I will try and take all comments and criticisms as constructive.

A quiet day ruined and an unexpected sibling's visit

Author's Note

For this chapter I will be using color coding for the round of singing singing.

This represents Trixie

This represents Twilight

I know I didn't include the original encounter with Trixie in a previous chapter. In my defense, the original encounter with Trixie was nearly forgettable, plus I couldn't find a way to metal it up for this story and got a bit lazy.{Or maybe this author isn't that good.} [Shut up me!]

Thank you all for reading and I hope you all enjoy.

Feel free to leave a comment, any criticisms you may have, throw shade or pure bane.

A quiet day ruined and an unexpected sibling's visit

PonyVille was quiet today, no weird magical spells that needed to be undone, no strange screatures from the Everfree to have to send running back, no cow or bunny stampedes, even the three CMCs had chosen to play a quiet game of gin rummy. In Golden Oaks library and record shop, Thrasher and Twilight sat on a couch. The two of them wore headphones while going over Twilight's newest vocal tracks and revisions to previous vocals. Thrasher had an intense look of concentration on her face as she listened to the new track, her opened can of beer sitting open on the table had long since reached room temperature, periodically she would pause the playback to write out notes, time signatures and tablatures for her guitar tracks.

Sighing, Thrasher stopped the playback, laid the headphones on the table, looked over the recently written down music and took a sip of the now warm beer. "Gah! Bleh! There isn't much that tastes worse than warm beer!", she exclaimed before downing it in one dreadful gulp, "But never let it be *burp* let it be said that I've ever wasted beer." Taking the empty can in a hoof, she crushed the empty against her forehead and started flipping it though the air, catching it on her hoof.

Twilight giggled as Thrasher doing tricks with the crushed can. Thrasher leaned back on the couch, flipping the can in the air as Twilight laid across the couch and propped her hind hooves on her marefriend's lap. Thrasher locked her eyes on the trashcan, held the crushed can like a hoofball player. The earth pony mare made a loud huffing sound to imitate a cheering crowd before talking like a sports announcer, "It's fourth down with fifteen strides to go! The Ponyville Prancers are five points behind!", she hurled the can through the air at the trashcan, "It's a hail Celestia play!" A sparkling magenta aura surrounded the can before flying around the kitchen and sailing into the trashcan. "Mare Ruth just knocked it out of the park! It's a grand slam! The Canterlot slammers win!", Twilight exclaimed, then gave a loud huff to imitate a cheering crowd.

Thrasher looked down at Twilight. "You're such a dork, ya know that?!" "But I'm your dork.", Twilight teased and booped Thrasher's snoot with a hind hoof. A wicked smile spread on Thrasher's face, she grabbed Twilight's hind hoof and started tickling the lavender unicorn's frog. "AAAAAAHHHHH! NONONONONONO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *snort* STOP! HEEHHEEHEEHEEHEE! I'M GOING TO PISS MYSELF! OKAYOKAYOKAY! UNCLE! UNCLE! UUUUNNNNNCCCCCLLLLEEEE!" Thrasher dropped Twilight's hoof and she ran to the bathroom.

A few minutes later Twilight walked back to the couch and flopped down. "Did anypony ever tell you that you're evil?", she asked, trying to sound angry. "There is this one unicorn who tells me that every time she can. But because she's a cute spaz, so I let it pass.", Thrasher replied with a sly grin. The lavender mare gave gave the gray mare a playful shove, who in turn fell over onto the arm of the couch.

Twilight looked down at the prone Thrasher. "I think I'm getting fat.", she said poking her belly, "I'm so jealous. You chug beer, scarf pints of ice cream and devour pizzas and hay burger all day and you somehow maintain a build like a friendship games athlete."

Thrasher nudged Twilight with her back hoof. "Cut that shit out!", she scolded, "I have to work hard to maintain a this build or else I'd bloat up like an overripe watermelon. I should be jealous of your body, you can eat whatever you want and never gain an ounce. You've got the same build as the day I met you. So what if you've got a little squish, you've got it in all the right places." She grunted as she sat up. "Welp! Back to the grind." Reaching for the headphones and the reel-to-reel player, a magenta field surrounded it and slid it to the far side of the side of the table.

Twilight licked her lips and gave a small smile. "Considering that for once we're ahead. I've got all my vocal tracks recorded, not counting edits and re-recordings, you've only got two tracks left to put backup vocals and guitars on. Rarity and Fluttershy should have most of their tracks done by tonight. I think Pinkie's already got her keyboard and turntable tracks mixed. Applejack should have the drum tracks finished by the end of the week and Rainbow should have her tracks recorded a few days after that.", she said, "Which means that we've earned a little break." She placed a hoof onto Thrasher chest, pushed her down on the couch and planted small kisses on her lips, "Spike's in Canterlot having a meeting with Celestia and Luna about the distribution of our new album. Let's order a couple of pizzas, get drunk and..." She began nibbling on the gray earth pony's ear, who in turn gave a small moan and twitched one of her hind legs.

The frond door burst open and Applejack ran in. "Trixie's back in town! She's pissed an' she's throwin' around a whole heap o' weird magic!"

Twilight gave a frustrated growl. "Celestia dammit! Why couldn't she hold off on attacking the town for ten more friggin' minutes?!"

From outside there came a blast of magic and a voice that sounded like it was auto-tuned shouted, "SPARKLE! Get out here! You humiliated me once and now I'm back for revenge!"

Twilight ran out of Golden Oaks with Thrasher and Applejack following close behind. In the street Trixie was levitating Lily Valley off the ground in a strange sparkly magical field that had glitter falling from it, while the light raspberry earth pony mare flailed and shouted, "The horror! The horror!" Trixe pulled the mare close to her face, narrowed her eyes and shook her. "You will tell Trrrrrrrrrixe where Sparkle is now!", she shouted in an auto-tuned voice. Lily held a hoof to her head and dramatically fainted. With a scoff, Trixie tossed her away.

Twilight's face turned red as she ground her teeth. "TRIXIE!", she shouted, "Leave these ponies alone! It's me you have beef with!" Nearby a cow mooed. "Oh...um...sorry! No offence meant!"

"None taken, dearie!", the cow replied and ambled off.

Tixie's magic flared, leaving a cloud of glitter to float down around the unicorn mare. Her outfit transformed from a dark blue cape and pointy wizard's hat covered in stars into a gaudy, neon yellow spandex body suit covered in pink rhinestone, blue sequins, all coated with glitter, around her head was a pink sequin-covered bandanna. "Sparkle!", she growled in an oddly auto-tuned voice, "After you humiliated me, I couldn't get a gig again and I had to work on a rock farm! That was until I found this...", she touched a hoof to the sparkly, triangular-shaped neon green amulet around her neck, "...then I quit that dusty place!"

"That's not what mom and dad told me!", Pinkie chirped up, "More like got fired for being--mmfmmmfmmmf!" Her eyes went wide when her mouth and nose were plucked from her muzzle, leaving a smooth rounded spot here they have been. "Mmmmmfffmmfmmmmmffffmmmfmmmmfmffffff!", she tried shouting while giving the most vulgar hoof gesture known.

"That's enough out of you!", Trixie shouted in an auto-tuned tone and tossed the pink mouth and nose in a nearby trashcan. She then locked her gaze on Twilight and narrowed her eyes. " Now you will know why Trrrrrixie is the greatest and most--OW!" An empty beer can bounced off her head, cutting her words off.

"Will you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP with that weird voice that makes you sound a pitch perfect robot?!", Thrasher shouted, pulling out another can of beer.

Trixie glared at Thrasher. "How dare you!", she growled in a strange auto-tuned voice. She ducked another empty can hurled at her head and unleashed a beam of glitter at the gray earth pony.

Thrasher tumbled on the ground a few body lengths as the wave of glitter hit her. Getting back to her hooves, she coughed up and spat out several mouthfuls of glitter as she tried to shake the offending substance from her fur. "I fucking hate glitter! It's the herpes of craft supplies!", she growled angrily. "You pissed me off now!" She reached under her mane for a bottle of beer and her eyes became pinpricks when she pulled out a blue Haywaiian wine cooler, dropping the offending drink and reaching back under her mane several more times, each time pulling out a different flavor wine cooler, pink lemonade, blue raspberry, rainbow sherbet. "I don't drink like a fifteen-year-old filly!", she shouted running away pulling out more wine coolers and leaving a cloud of glitter behind her, "MAKE IT SSSSSTTTTAAAAHHH-HHAHH-HHAHH-AAAAAHHHHHPPPP!"

Trixie watch momentarily as Thrasher ran off before turning her attention back to Twilight. "Now that the lush skank is gone, Trrrrrrixie can handle you, Sparkle.", she said in an auto-tuned voice.

Twilight growled dangerously and took a few steps forward. "Trixie, Ah dun think y'all should be callin' Thrasher a skank, unless if'n y'all want Twi here tuh break yer legs.", Applejack said in a stern and warning tone.

With a scoff Trixie flicked AJ away with a glittery aura and she would have crashed hard into the ground if Big Mac had not caught her. "What does Trrrrrrixie have to care for what some hayseed has to say, it's not like you play a real instrument anyway!", she shouted in a voice that sounded like a pitch perfect Hal nine thousand.

Twilight stalked forward as Trixie laughed in a robot-sounding on-pitch voice and threw a punch. The lavender hoof was stopped by a bubble shield made of glitter. Twilight shook the unwanted sparkly material from her hoof and scraped it on the ground. "Did you the you could just hit Trrrrrixie?"

"So how do we do this?", Twilight asked in an angry tone.

Trixie cackled before responding, "We do a magic battle, who ever can do the greatest feats wins and the loser leaves town!"

"Fine! You're on!", Twilight snaped, "Beat this!" Lighting her horn, she fired a beam of magic and when it exploded, it formed a several different bands playing different styles of music.

Trixie huffed on her hoof and rubbed it on her chest. "Foal's play!" She fired out a wave of glitter and the nine magically constructed bands Twilight had created turned into one big massive colt band, all dancing in perfectly in sync as generic electronic, premixed music played from a magically constructed boombox.

Twilight dispelled the magical constructs and called for Snips and Snails. When the two unicorn colts stepped forward, she fired a beam of magic at them. immediately they were clothed in black leather biker's gear with big handle bar mustaches.

Trixie scoffed and fired a beam of glitter at the two unicorn colts, Snips was transformed into a colt made of living plastic and Snail was transformed into a colt made of living speech bubbles.

Snips and Snails blinked as they stared at each other. "Whoa!", the short and chunky unicorn colt said in his gruff and squeaky voice that sounded like it was echoing inside a plastic bottle. Snails moved his mouth and a speech bubble manifested above his head reading 'Duh, this is weird!'

Twilight blinked for a second before dispelling Trixie's spell and glared at her opponent. "Where did you learn how to transmogrify living flesh?"

"Oh Trrrrrrixie's just getting started!", Trixie replied in her auto-tuned voice, "Behold as Trrrrrixie shows she's more powerful than you!" Firing another beam of glitter at Snips and Snails again, aging Snails into a pony about eighty years old and de-aging Snips to a newborn foal. "And now the great and powerful Trrrixie shall reverse the spell!" Firing off a glitter wave, she returned the colts back to the former age, who now both sat on the ground dazed with their eyes rolling in their heads.

Twilight gaped at the two unicorn colts, one aged to old age and the other aged down to an infant, then returned back to their normal ages. "Age spells?! That some pretty advanced magic. Where did you learn to do that?"

"If you can't do it Sparkle, the Trrrrrixie wins!"

Twilight set her jaw, flared her nostrils and lit her horn. She tried to cast the aging spells on the two colts, for a split second one hair in Snails' mane flickered white before snapping back to its original color. She tried to cast the spell again several times before collapsing to her flanks out of breath. "I*gasp* I can't*wheeze* cast it! Magic of that level should only*pant* be able to be cast by an ali*pant pant* an alicorn!"

"Trrrrrixie wins!" Trixie shouted in the auto-tuned voice, "And she is the greatest and most powerful-est!"

"That's not a word, Trixie.", Twilight said rising slowly to her hooves.

"It matters not! If Trrrrrixie says it's a word, then it is a word!" Trixie lifted Twilight in a cloud of glitter and carried her to the edge of town. "Now to take out the trash!" Using the glittery magic, she hurled the lavender unicorn towards the Everfree Forest. "And stay out!" She then lowered a glittering dome over the town.

Twilight tumbled on the ground for a few body lengths before stopping near the edge of the Everfree Forest. Rising to her hooves, she glared at the dome covering Ponyville, separating her Closing her eyes, she touched a hoof to the small silver charm hanging around her neck that Thrasher had given her. "Don't worry, I'll find a way to beat Trixie!", she whispered angrily. Turning, she started trotting down the path that lead to Zecora's hut.

Zecora looked up from the cauldron she was stirring when there was a knocking at her door. "I wonder who could be visiting me tonight?" When the knocking continued, she called out, "I'm coming! I'm coming! Alright alright!" Opening the door, she was surprised to see Twilight looking equal parts angry and distraught. "Is everything alright, Twilight? And what brings you to my door on this night?"

Twilight walked in to the zebra's hut and sat on the floor, giving a distraught sigh. "It's Trixie. She's back in town, wearing a strange gaudy medallion and using some weird glittery magic that I haven't seen since Popstar Moon."

Zecora's face screwed up in thought before walking over to to her cauldron and picking up a couple of bowls, she filled them with some dark green liquid with a ladle. "Here have some soup, it will help.", she said with a friendly smile, "It is supposed to clear the mind and warm the soul. I've made it with kelp."

Twilight sipped the soup slowly, with each warm mouthful that trickled down her throat, her mind calmed. "Thanks, Zecora. It helped to calm me down a little.", she said passing the now empty bowl back.

Putting the bowl that the lavender unicorn had passed her in a nearby washtub, Zecora walked over to her bookshelf and rand a hoof across the various titles. "Ah yes, I think this book has what you seek. i shall help you any way I can. This may have the information you seek."

"Uh, you rhymed seek with seek.", Twilight said absentmindedly as she started flipping through the book.

"Zigga please, the last thing I need is a pony trying to tell me how to bust rhymes! I'll rhyme seek with seek or zigga with zigga if I so choose to! Ya dig?! Now let's find out what that medallion is, the one luxury we don't have is time."

Twilight cast her eyes down as she felt guilty and swallowed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

Zecora waved it off. "I don't mean to be such a bitch. I'm just having a bad day. While shopping for groceries this morning, I got called a zigger by that worthless whorse Spoiled Rich."

"I'm sorry that happened. She can be racist and speciesist. She often says that if she made the laws, she'd throw all the unicorns and pegasi out of town. Of course she calls us horn-heads and wing-backs.", Twilight said in an irritated tone as she flipped through the book, "I don't know what Filthy Rich sees in her."

"I can answer that right quick. She has a reputation of swallowing stallion balls deep and in her throat he sees his dick."

Twilight chuckled at the remark. "Yeah, I've heard her theme song is huakgh gog-gog-gog-gog!" The two mares laughed. Twilight's eyes flew open wide as she flipped the page. "Oh my Celestia! I think I found it!" She laid the book on the table and read out loud, "The Auto-tune Amulet. This cursed artifact harnesses the dark magics of pop music and auto-tuning. Ponies who wear this artifact are able to access great power. When a pony puts this cursed object on, it cannot be removed unless they willing take it off. The ways you can identify a pony who is wearing the Auto-tune Amulet is that their voice sound like a pitch perfect robot singing, a strange magical aura full of glitter and increasing mental instability. If a pony who wears this object doesn't remove it after thirty-six hours after putting it on, they will go permanently insane." She looked up from the book in thought. "Well Trixie was already crazy if she thought that putting on that amulet beforehoof."

"It doesn't matter if she is already crazy.", Zecora said, "If that book is true, we only have until tomorrow to get it off of her. We don't have time to be lazy."
********************************************************************************************************

Thrasher held a garden hose in her hoof as she washed the last of the glitter from her coat. Turning the spigot off, she dropped the hose. After she shook the last of the water from herself, a cloud of glitter manifested and blasted itself onto her again. "Oh come oh! I just got this sparkly shit washed off! RRRRRRRAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!"

Trixie laughed at the exasperated Thrasher then casually walked over to where she was making Rarity sew gaudy outfits for her.

"Come on darling!", she complained out loud to no pony in particular, "Twenty jumpsuits all covered in rhinestones?! How tacky! Who does she think she is, Elvis Prancely?!--EEP!" A glittering whip cracked her on the flank, making her jump.

Out in the Everfree, Twilight stood on one foreleg on the edge of a small row boat in the middle of a small pond with the other foreleg stretched beside her and her two hind legs stretched out in a split. Her horn blazed with magic, several magically constructed instruments floated around her, all tuning up.

Zecora sat in the row boat. "To achieve victory, everything you must unlearn. Heavy metal is more than just a music style, it is a powerful magic. Feel it flow between you and me, between the water and the shore, between instruments and the air. Master this and victory you will earn."

Twilight closed her eyes and she began feeling a heavy beat with tasty guitar licks playing. In Ponyville, Trixie summoned a glittery boombox that started playing a generic electronic pop beat.

Do you believe in life after vengeance...after vengeance...after vengeance?

So Celestia damn easy to concentrate on this!Your actions fill me with rage!

You can't push me aside/I'll always break through/and on the other hoof I'll wear the shoe

[color=a66ebe]So drunk on that amulet, so self-righteous! With the power of metal I'll crush you and your fucking stage!

Taking advantage of Trixie being distracted by her own auto-tuned singing, Rarity quickly gestured Applejack, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie and Thrasher over. "We've got to take advantage of this distraction to get a message out to Twilight."

"H-h-how do w-we get past the dome?", Fluttershy stuttered quietly.

"Don't worry darling, I'll make you a camouflage suit."

Trixie started rapping with really bad flows.

Trrrrixie's drinkin' a latte
Trrrrixie gets a double shotie
It goes right through Trrrrrixie's body
And you know Trrrrrixie's satisfied
And Trrrrrixie's feeling super-duper
Yo they tell Trrrrrrixie she's a trooper
And you know Trrrr...
Her words were cut off when the alarm on the dome started going off. Summoning up gold plated chariot with no wheels, she grabbed Snips and Snails and hooked the up to the front. "Take Trrrrrrixie to where somepony's trying to get out of her dome.

Snips and Snails grunted as they pulled the wheelless chariot. Trixie flipped switches that activated hydraulics that made the front of the chariot bounce off the ground or pop completely up in the air.

"Ms. great and powerful--whoa whoa whoa!--could you--oof!--please put some--yikes!--wheels on the chariot?--ahhh!", Snips complained.

"Trrrrrixie doesn't trust wheels! Never have, never will!"

"Well could--ouch!--stop making--gah!--bounce?"

"How else is everypony supposed to know how fly Trrrrrrixie is?"

Reaching the dome, Trixie scowled as she saw a pair of beavers with a log between them, smacking their tails against the side of it.

"Stop hitting the great and powerful and totally awesome and sooper-dooper fly Trrrrrixie's dome you overgrown, buck-toothed rats!"

The beavers faced Trixie and started chittering, chattering and squabbling while gesturing with their paws, occasionally giving a vulgar gesture...at least for a beaver.

"Trrrrrixie can't understand you, you flat-tailed capybaras! Where's the yellow one with the butterflies on her ass?"

The beavers continued chittering, squawking and chattering, all the while gesturing.

Trixie sighed. "Very well, Trrrrixie will let you out, but don't let Trrrrrixie catch you in town again." Using glittery magic, she lifted up the edge of the dome.

The beavers carried the log past the dome and when they were outside it, they turned back and blew raspberries back at the unicorn.

Using glittery magic, Trixie turned the chariot into an Escmarelade and summoned a whip. "Slaves! Take Trrrrrixie back to the center of town so she can bask in her subjects adoration!", she shouted in the unnatural pitch perfect tone.

After Trixie was out of sight, the beavers knocked on the side of the log. Fluttershy popped out of a hollow in the log wearing a black, form-fitting body suit with bright blue bunny ears sewn to the head. Setting her trembling hooves on the ground, she looked around for a second and tried to sprint back to the dome, but the beavers stood in her way, shaking their heads and crossing their forelegs across their chests. "Th-th-this is a b-b-b-bad idea!", she whispered. The beavers shook the heads again, stomped a hind paw on the ground and pointed to the Everfree Forest. "B-b-but..." The beavers shook their head harder, tapped their hind paws furiously and pointed the fore paws insistently. The butter yellow pegasus hung her head and sighed. "Okay, I'll go." She tried to zip past the beavers, only for them to grab her and lift her up over their heads and carry her towards the Everfree. "No no no! I've changed my mind! I think it'll be nice to live under a dome!"

Twilight was broken out of her concentration by the sound of familiar scared squeaking. Opening an eye, she looked over and was surprised to see two beavers plop Fluttershy down on the edge on the pond. Both her eyes snapped open in surprise. "Fluttershy?! Whoa whoa whoa!" The boat began rocking back and forth as she lost all concentration.

"Don't shift your weight! You'll tip us over! Keep your focus! Cooonnncentrrrraaaaaaate!", Zecora shouted as the row boat capsized, dumping both the zebra and unicorn in the water.

Popping up to the surface of the water Twilight sputtered and spat out pond water as she paddled back to shore. Zecora swam to the shore and waded out of the water. "If you let yourself get distracted, you'll never pass. I just had my mane styled! Upon which mare shall I lay a beating upon their ass?"

Fluttershy quickly told Twilight and Zecora about what was going on back in town.

"I'll cave her head in!", Twilight growled.

"You cannot beat her with might. To beat this unicorn you need a new plan. You must find an alternative to this fight."

Twilight's eyes flew open wide with an 'ah-ha!' moment. Lighting her horn, she summoned in a pencil and paper. Writing several things down on the paper, she passed it to Fluttershy. "Get this to the girls, I've got a plan on how to beat Trixie!" After the beavers picked up Fluttershy and carried her away, Twilight turned to Zecora, "Please tell me you've got a cheap necklace, some gold spray paint, some glitter, some hot glue, googly eyes an something you can part with."
********************************************************************************************************

Trixie laughed as she strapped Thrasher to a spinning target and hurled darts at her. Her enjoyment was interrupted by the alarm going off on the dome again. "Trrrrrixie swears that if it is those beavers again, she's going to make a pair of felt top hats out of them!", she grumbled as she summoned a gaudy, gold platted stretched carriage and strapped Snips and Snails to the tongue.

Trixie's eyes went wide she saw Twilight tapping a hoof on the dome. "What do you want, Sparkle?!"

"I want a rematch!", Twilight replied, "As you can see, I've found the amulet of eyes and it's much more powerful that yours." She tapped the glittering, oddly-shaped amulet hanging from a gold necklace around her neck, the eyes seemed to look around in all directions at once.

Trixie sneered at Twilight. "Why should Trrrrixie accept your rematch?"

Twilight gave a crooked smile. "Double or nothing. What do you say? If you win, not only do you get to say that you beat Celestia's personal student twice, but you also get this powerful amulet too!"

Trixie tapped a hoof to her chin. "No, Trrrrrrixie doesn't think so. Trrrrrixie has already beaten you once and she has everything she needs!" She turned the obscenely long, gaudy stretched carriage around and prepared to have Snips and Snails pull her off.

Twilight gave a wicked smile. "Well if you don't think you can..."

Trixie huffed and hopped off the stretched carriage. "Very well Sparkle, Trrrrrrixie shall beat you again in a magic duel!" She dispelled the dome. "After Trrrrrrrixie beats you again and takes that amulet from you, she'll snap off your horn, sodomize you with it, then make you muck rake out her personal latrine and Trrrrrixie will make sure all she eats are extra-greasy tacos with super spicy salsa!"

The two unicorn mares walked to the center of town and squared off. "Let Trrrixie star us off with the same way she ended the last duel!" Trixie grabbed Snips and Snails in a glitter-filled aura and cast an age spell on them, turning Snails into an eighty-year-old stallion and Snips into a foal, she then turned their ages back. Twilight cockily huffed on a hoof and buffed it against her coat. "Foal's play!" She grabbed Applejack in a magenta aura and plopped her down. "First I'll make her old!" She fired a beam at the earth pony and when the smoke cleared, she an ancient mare, firing a beam again, Applejack was her normal age. "Now I'll make her a filly!" Firing off another beam at Applejack, when the smoke cleared again, an earth pony filly with the same colored coat was staring at herself flabbergasted. "Now I'll make her a stallion!" Firing off a beam that exploded in a puff of smoke, Applejack was transformed into an earth pony stallion "Now I'll make him a foal!" Firing a beam off at the stallion, he was transformed into a foal with the same colored coat. Firing off another beam, Applejack was returned to normal, the earth pony flopped on her haunches, her eyes spinning in her sockets.

Trixie pursed her lips. "Not bad, Sparkle. But beat this!" She created a stallion colt band, all dancing in a choreographed routine, perfectly in sync.

Twilight patted her hoof over her mouth in a bored yawn. Lighting her horn, six electric guitars floated out, hooked up to six amp stacks and started each playing a different solo. The six solos increased in tempo and the air started heating up. The glitter in the magically constructed colt band dancers began melting, then caught fire, the magical constructs began running around screaming as the flames consumed them.

Trixie's stared as her jaw hung open. "B-but?! What?! How?! Huh?!"

Twilight gave a dramatic flare with her hooves."Now I'll make a normally quiet pegasus roar and knock everypony over!" Fluttershy squeaked and flailed as a magenta aura levitated her over. Twilight levitated a microphone over and plugged it into an amp stack. The lavender unicorn held the mic in front of her mouth and stood next to the butter yellow pegasus, then whispered into it, "Let the ponies hit the floor! Let the ponies hit the floor! Let the ponies hit the floor! Let the ponies hit the...", she them put the mic in front of Fluttershy's mouth, who in turn roared into it, "FFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" The force of the yellow pegasus' voice was like a hurricane, ponies tried to lean against the driving force, only to be sent tumbling away, several houses were ripped off their foundations and sent sailing through the air.

Trixie stared completely flabbergasted, her jaw hit the ground. When she tried to speak, all she could do was sputter and babble incoherently.

"And now for the grand finale!", Twilight shouted, "I will dunk a mare into a diving tank of beer and make her drink it." With a blast of magic, a diving tank of beer appeared, Twilight levitated Thrasher over it and dropped her into it. "Now I command you....DRRRRRRRIIIINNNNK!" Thrasher began taking massive gulps, the beer formed into a small whirlpool that connected to her mouth. Slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed, the beer drain from the massive swimming pool into the mare's mouth and into her stomach.

Trixie momentarily forgot how to stand and flopped to her haunches "Very well Sparkle, you win this one!" she shouted in an auto-tuned voice. She snatched the googly-eyed necklace off Twilight's neck with a glittery aura and levitated it over. "Hey! That's mine!", Twilight shouted. Reaching behind her neck with her hooves, Trixie undid the latch on the Auto-tune Amulet and tossed it away, immediately her outfit returned to its normal dark blue cape and pointed wizard's cap, covered in stars. "Correction Sparkle!", she shouted in her normal voice as she placed the googly-eyed necklace around her neck, "It was yours, now it's Trrrixie's" Trixie lit her horn. "Now take this!", she shouted as she fired off a beam of magic. Twilight casually smacked aside the beam of magic with a flick of her horn as she levitated the Auto-tune Amulet over and dropped it in a small box Zecora was carrying.

"Impossible!", Trixie shouted, "How could you beat Trrrrixie's magic?! She has the most powerful amulet in the world!"

"Actually Trixie, what you have there is an old doorstop covered in gold spray paint, glitter and googly eyes,", Twilight corrected.

"But...but how were you able to summon up such powerful magic?!"

"I'm proud of that myself and you being a stage magician, you'd probably like it too.", Twilight said with a smirk, "I simply used classic misdirection. When it came to Applejack, you'd be amazed what some body paint, stickers and some mane and tail extensions can do when combined with a simple smoke spell." Applejack stood flanked by Granny Smith, Big Mac, Apple Bloom and Pound Cake, all four of them were covered in body paint matching AJ's coat and wearing blonde extensions in their manes and tails. "As for the guitars, nopony can do face melting solos like Rarity can. It was a simple trick to use my magic to cover up color of her aura. As for Fluttershy, if anypony were to come up and whisper 'let the ponies hit the floor' a few times in your ear and then stop short on the last time, you'd shout floor with all your might."

"And the massive diving tank of beer?", Trixie asked, pointing a hoof at a very drunk Thrasher.

"Thrasher always keeps a diving tank full of beer around for parties, drinking challenges or days that end in y.", Twilight said, "Rainbow, could you get her out of there?"

Rainbow flew over to the mostly empty diving tank, lifted Thrasher out and gently placed her on her hooves. Thrasher staggered around for a few minutes singing a song off-key and very slurred before falling to her haunches with a snorting giggle.

"We were going to have a little fun today until you came along and fucked it up!", Twilight snapped angrily, "Now I'll have to take care of her until she sobers up. And we probably won't be able to have any fun tomorrow as she'll have a hangover as big as all of Equis." She stepped forward and growled dangerously. "I was hoping the my marefriend and I would rut each other stupid while we both got drunk, but I'll settle for kicking the shit out of you!"

Trixie tried to back away as Twilight stalked forward, but tripped over her own hooves. "Whoa Nelly!", Applejack shouted as she put herself between Twilight and Trixie, "Jus' hol' yer horses there, Twi! Thrasher needs ya tuh take care of her right now. How's 'bout ya let 'er run off with the promise not to cause trouble for anypony again?"

Twilight's nostrils flared as she snorted. "Fine! But if you cause any trouble again, I'll rip your head off and stuff it up your plot."

Applejack looked over her withers at Trixie and said, "If'n Ah were ya, Ah'd be takin' advantage o' Twi's generosity an' high tail it outa town 'til Twi here cools down."

Trixie nodded her head as she rose to her hooves. "Uh...yeah, thank Spa...uh...I mean Twilight. Until the next time we meet again!" Raising a hoof high over her head, she spiked a smoke bomb on the ground. When the smoke cleared, Trixie was several body lengths away, running as hard as her hooves could carry her.

"Ouch!", Trixie exclaimed as she fell to her flanks after running headlong into a pony. Looking up as she rubbed her nose, she stared into the stoic, dark purple eyes of a gray earth pony mare wearing a dark gray frock. "Uh...wh-who are you?"

The gray earth pony mare looked down at the unicorn mare with a stoic expression. "I'm Maud and I'm very angry that you hurt my sister." With a swipe of her hoof, Trixie sailed through the air a few strides and landed on her back, all four hooves pointing straight up in the air.

Maud walked past the unconscious and groaning Trixie. Walking over to a trashcan, she picked Pinkie's mouth and nose out of it, cleaned them off and reattached them to her sister's muzzle with a loud click.

Pinkie worked her mouth a few times to make sure everything was properly attached. "Thanks Maud!", she chirped.

"Take care of Thrasher. I think she's about to be sick.", Maud said flatly.

Thrasher rose shakily to her hooves. "Oh come off it Maud! I can hold my*urp!*...", her eyes went wide as her cheeks turned green and she covered her mouth with a hoof, "...oh no!" She ran over to a nearby bush as all the beer she had drank started coming back up. Pinkie held her cousin's mane as she got sick.

Maud walked up to Twilight. "Come along. You and I have to talk." She started walking towards Golden Oaks.

Twilight stared at Maud. "Wait, what?!"

Maud looked over her withers at the lavender unicorn. "You live in the library and record store, right?", she asked in a monotone. When Twilight nodded, she continued, "You and I are going to have a talk. You can either come along or I can kick your plot and drag you in."

Twilight swallowed and followed Maud to Golden Oaks.
********************************************************************************************************

Maud sat at the small table in the kitchen in Golden Oaks as Twilight laid out some teacups and a whistling kettle of boiling water. "Cream? Sugar? Traditional Canterlot twelve course dinner?", Twilight asked as the gray earth pony dunked a teabag in her cup. Maud lifted the teacup to her lips and gave a soft sip. "I want to know what your intentions with my cousin are." "What?!", Twilight exclaimed, nearly spitting out her tea. Maud took another sip of her tea. "If you want, I can repeat it again slower." Twilight swallowed the building lump in her throat as she looked at Maud, trying to get a read on the gray mare, but her stoic expression gave nothing away. "I care deeply about Thrasher. We have fun together and she gave me this back when the Crystal Empire returned." She tapped the little silver medallion around her neck. "Is there a reason why you ask?", Twilight asked before taking a sip of her tea.

Lifting the teacup up, Maud blew some of the steam away as she stared across the table at Twilight. "As you know probably already know, Thrasher hasn't had the best life. Her parents ran on her when she was a yearling, leaving her to be raised by Great-uncle Ten Bit and his twin brother Whinny Paul. After her seventh birthday, a severely ill unicorn busted into the club where Ten Bit was playing, slinging spells and fried him. Not long after that, the state took her from Great-uncle Whinny and gave her to mother and father."

Twilight cast her eyes down at the table. "I heard about that and her ex-husband."

"So I don't have to tell you how badly he used to beat her or that he put her in a wheelchair for six months or that it was Applejack and I that drug Axl out into the desert, buried him and planted an apple tree over the top of him on the edge of an orchard owned by a cousin of Applejack.", Maud said, blowing again on the teacup then taking another sip.

"I heard.", Twilight replied, "Yes, it was true that I initially pursued her. I love her and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her."

Maud locked eyes with Twilight before allowing a small smirk to spread across her lips. "I had heard that the day before you two got together, you had been stressed out because some of the mares in town were trying to get under your tail when they found out that you hadn't had sex before and that Thrasher let you get drunk with her."

Twilights expression turned slightly sour. "And what else did you hear?"

Maud placed her teacup back down on its saucer. "Nothing I will repeat right now, other than that you're a squeaker."

Twilight's cheeks flushed furiously red. "I think I have something to talk to Thrasher about."

Maud placed her forehooves on the table. "There's nothing that my sisters, and yes, I consider Thrasher one of my sisters, can keep secret from me." Rising to her hooves she began walking to the door. Thanks for the tea. Thank you for having me and being polite, seeing as I'm a bit angry and out of sorts. I'll be in town for a few weeks if you ever need to talk." Reaching for the door handle, she paused and turned to look at Twilight again. "I can tell that you've been good to and for Thrasher. Other than today, considering the extenuating circumstances, it's been a while since she's been blackout drunk." With that Maud walked out the door.

Twilight closed the door behind Maud and leaned against it. "If that was her when she's angry, what in the Tartarus does she look like when she's happy or sad?!"

A folded up letter slid under the door and Twilight picked it up. opening it, confetti and streamers shot out of it, covering her. The letter read 'You don't want to see Maud when she's sad! Love, Pinkie'. She started to ask how Pinkie knew what she had said to herself, but decided better of it.

Opening the door, Twilight walked outside and found Pinkie still tending to Thrasher, who had reached the weepy stage of somepony who had drank way, way, wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too much. "I'll get her home, Pinkie. You help with the cleanup." Levitating Thrasher onto her back, she began carrying her marefriend home. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

Thrasher was already snoring loudly when Twilight got her home and laid her in bed. She placed a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the end table. Sitting on the couch in Thrasher's front room, she blew out air, making her lips buzz that ended in a raspberry. "I need to get home. I'll check on Thrasher in the morning.", was the last thought that went through her mind.

As the morning light poured through the windows, Twilight snapped awake with a snort, she had fallen asleep on Thrasher's couch and didn't realize it. A loud snore caught er attention, looking over, she saw that at some point in the night her marefriend had gotten out of bed and snuggled up next to her and had drooled heavily on her right wither, shoulder and foreleg.

With a loud snort, Thrasher jerked awake and placed a hoof over her eyes. "Ugh! Sompony turn the sun off." Peeking from behind her hoof, she looked up at Twilight. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure.", Twilight replied, "Early I think. Do you want me to put some coffee on?"

"Yaaasss!", Thrasher hissed, "Oh my Celestia, that sounds better than sex right now!"

Twilight chuckled as she shimmied off the couch and walked into the kitchen, putting coffee ground and water in the coffee brewer. "You want some eggs or some toast."

Thrasher gave a sour burp. "No. I just want the number of that wagon that ran me over."