House Hunters: Equestria Girls
Three houses to choose from
Newlyweds Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are looking for their first home in Canterlot City.
Rainbow Dash is a professional athlete and musician (she plays the electric guitar). Fluttershy, who has the rare ability to communicate with animals, is a professional pet whisperer.
Canterlot City real estate agent Short Sale has a great challenge ahead of him, trying to fit the couple’s contrasting needs while still keeping under their budget of $325,000.
“The housing market in Canterlot is one of the most up-and-coming in the entire region," says Short Sale. "The rumors of magic in Canterlot High has boosted tourism in the area, which has increased property values as more homes get turned into Airbnbs.
"It's going to be very, very tough finding something that meets all their needs but is still within their budget.”
RainbowDash’s needs:
Commuting isn’t a big issue of course, cause of my totally Awesome Super Speed, but I’d love to be close to downtown where all my favorite shops and music stages are, so I can perform my awesome guitar solos. I want a sick garage to keep my motorcycle warm and dry.
I also want a basement or a shed or something like that where I can set up my gym equipment. Right now, I have my bench press set up over the living room couch, and I can’t tell how many times I’ve bumped my head running down the hall trying to catch up on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Wondercolt County.
…what?
Fluttershy’s needs:
Um, if it’s all right with you, I wanna be…close to nature. In the country, with a fresh breeze and a big forest. And maybe a garden, where I can grow flowers…I’ve always wanted to grow petunias. Or roses. I want at least 2 bedrooms, because, well, if you don't mind me saying, Rainbow Dash snores just a tenny bit too loud sometimes.
Very loud, actually.
I have an electric car, so I want a place to charge it. And I want an outdoor living space where I can chat with the birds and do storytime with the squirrels. You’d be surprised how much they love being told stories!
House #1: Move-in-ready historic townhome
This historic 3 bed, 4 bath townhouse is located right in Downtown Canterlot, and has been recently gut renovated. It has three stories, plus a large roof terrace and a finished basement. There is a 8.5 foot by 18 foot parking pad in the rear.
It is on the market for $375,000.
Fluttershy’s thoughts:
Rainbow was so happy with this house. I’ve never seen her so happy since she won those free tickets to the Daring Do convention. I mean, I don’t want her to be not happy. I mean, we both like the granite countertops in the kitchen. I love the old crown moldings throughout the house. And the giant soaker tub in the master suite. Rainbow Dash and I and half the animals at the local shelter would probably fit in there.
But I’m not sure if this really is the kind of house I want. It’s over our budget. The outdoor terrace is huge, but there isn’t even a single blade of grass growing. And the exhaust from the A/C unit scares all the birds away. And it was so hard to park my car! It was…so scary! I was about to die! I think I ran over a bunny as I was backing in. At least I think it was a bunny. Who am I kidding. No bunny would want to live in a concrete jungle like this.
RainbowDash’s thoughts:
You know why Fluttershy drives such a tiny car? It’s not because she likes cute, tiny things (although she does like cute, tiny things, which is why she made me dress in that kitten costume for her animal shelter campaign thingy. I’ll never forget the look on my now brother-in-law Zephyr’s face.).
Fluttershy drives a small car because she sucks at parking. She’s one of those jerks that goes to the mall and takes up four spaces in the lot. When we went to see the house today, she was trying to park at the back, and all she could do was grab my shoulder and scream “I’M GONNA HIT SOMETHING! HELP…! HEEEEELP!” I’ve never heard Fluttershy scream that loud before.
But this place is awesome! You know the best guitar shop in the city is on the same block? The kitchen has that huge gas stove! And the tub upstairs is huge! Fluttershy and I both fit inside, we climbed in to test it. Like, I was sitting there in the tub, with Fluttershy, just imagining us soaking in the tub after dinner, a glass of cider, soft music playing…it’d be a nice night.
It’s already got a basement gym, with wired speakers and a rubber floor. All I need to do is move in my equipment. And that terrace is huge! Fluttershy could totally put some potted plants and make into a sick outdoor space.
House #2: Off-the-grid modern homestead
This charming cabin is a 40-minute drive from downtown, in the mountains near Camp Everfree. Situated on just under 8 acres, it is completely off the grid, with solar panels and a water well with purification system on site. It has 2 bedrooms, and 1 bathroom.
It is on the market for $255,700.
RainbowDash’s thoughts:
Yeah, I gotta admit, this place is really pretty. There aren’t any neighbors. And I can totally see myself working out (or napping) in those woods behind the house. But…I don’t wanna feel like I’m camping every day.
You know that there’s something called a composting toilet? Where you pee and poop down the hole, and it just sits there until it decomposes into soil? Yeah. Pretty gross.
There was a bird’s nest in the master suite. Not outside, but inside. One of them flew on top of my head, and Fluttershy was like, “Oh, how lovely~! He likes you!” There is a basement, but there’s no way I’m putting my $2000 Bowflex machine down here. I’m pretty sure the place has flooded waist deep at least twice every year, and the ceiling is all covered in cobwebs. And I almost had a heart attack after I saw that family of racoons living in the broken sump pump.
(Okay, I also screamed like a little girl.)
But I’m not that afraid, really. I’m Rainbow Dash, I’m tougher than a bunch of silly racoons! And besides, Fluttershy will make sure the animals don’t bother us too much. It’s kind of, like, her day job.
While Fluttershy was upstairs talking with Short Sale, I tried communicating with the racoons, like how Fluttershy does…but I don’t think I got too far. I tried to ask them to prank Fluttershy by splashing some water on her. I waved my arms and did some pointing…I don’t know if they got the message.
Fluttershy’s thoughts:
Oh my goodness, I LOVE this house so much! No utility bills, fresh mountain breezes, endless hiking! And there’s solar panels that connect to an electric car charger in the garage!
You know, we have some lovely roommates in our house! Solomon the Spider’s in charge of all the webs on the ceiling, though the poor thing hasn’t found much to eat inside the basement. And Beatrice the blue jay sings a song every sunrise, from the rafter just above the master bedroom window. She takes requests, too!
There’s the sweetest little racoon family in the sump pump. Robert and Rhonda introduced me to their two adorable babies, Ronald and Rosalinda. I must sew them matching head cozies to keep them warm. It gets so chilly down there.
But Ronald splashed water on my face for some reason. I don’t know where they learned that.
House #3: Dated bungalow with a shed
This 1.5-story bungalow is a 20-minute drive from downtown. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, with the master suite taking up the whole attic level. There is a generous 18-foot wide driveway and a large carport. In the backyard, there is a large 15-foot by 15-foot shed with windows and electrical power.
It is on the market for $320,000.
RainbowDash’s thoughts:
You know how nice a regular toilet smells now, after seeing that last house? And to see birds outside the house, instead of inside?
This house is all right. I think it’s a good compromise. There’s lots of trees, and a big lawn, but I can still get to downtown in ten seconds flat if I use super speed.
I’m not a big fan of the popcorn ceiling and the green carpet in the living room. It smells like a chihuahua ran around the place peeing in every possible corner.
The attic bedroom reminds me of that place Fluttershy and I stayed at for our honeymoon. It has the same sloping ceiling and the same kind of skylight that leaks water. I remember on the second night of our honeymoon, it was pouring rain and the skylight leaked so much water that you could take a shower under it.
Never doing that again. Unh-unh.
Basically, the ceilings are just too low everywhere. If you ask me, it needs to be about 20% taller.
There isn’t anywhere to put my gym either. The bedrooms are too small. There’s no garage. And there’s no basement.
I guess that shed at the back could do nicely, though.
Fluttershy’s thoughts:
I could make a really nice garden in this backyard here. Ooh, with petunias, and daisies! And the kitchen window has a lovely view of an oak tree with a young cardinal family nesting on top! So cute!
The green carpet makes me sick, too. But to correct Rainbow Dash…that’s cocker spaniel pee, not chihuahua pee. The smell is distinctly different.
I love the attic bedroom. It reminds me of that place Rainbow Dash and I stayed during our honeymoon. Aww. Dashie looked so cute, trying to take a shower.
No matter what Rainbow Dash says, that shed is mine. I’ve already picked out the furniture for it. It’s the perfect size for my little storytime circles with the woodland creatures. I need my outdoor living space.
Stay out of my shed, Rainbow Dash.
Or else.
Summary
House 1 was a move-in-ready historic townhouse. It had an updated kitchen and large soaking tub that both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash enjoyed. Rainbow Dash enjoyed the basement gym and the proximity to downtown, but Fluttershy didn’t like the cramped parking and the lack of green space. It was also over budget.
House 2 was an off-the-grid modern homestead. Both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy enjoyed the peaceful nature, but Rainbow Dash was irked by the composting toilet and the animals living inside the basement. Fluttershy, on the other hand, enjoyed the seclusion and having the animals to keep her company.
House 3 was a suburban bungalow. It had a good balance of the seclusion that Fluttershy wants and the proximity to downtown that Rainbow Dash wants. However, the house was rather dated, and Rainbow Dash did not enjoy the low ceilings and attic bedroom. Also, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash will likely argue over who gets to use the shed at the back. ~~An argument which could lead to Fluttershy turning into Flutterrage and chasing her wife down the street waving a big stick.~~
"I think we've decided," Rainbow Dash said.
"Yep, I think so." Fluttershy nodded.
Which house did they choose?
Author's Note
Pushing the boundaries of what qualifies as a "story" since, well...yesterday, actually.
Click here to enter Fluttershy's shed AT YOUR OWN RISK.
The author is not responsible for any injuries, including but not limited to: loud insults with yandere undertones, spooky tea parties, and dead memes.
