The Filly Fatale Folly

“It is an honor to finally meet you in person, Mr. Anonymous.” Filthy Rich greeted the human, raising a hoof to be shaken.

Anon took note of the well kept mane and the professional tie. It was a smart move then for Anon to have visited Rarity a day prior to this meeting. He got fitted for a full suit, just in case. You never know with rich people. Besides, it was a nice looking tuxedo with a red tie. Putting it on, it almost felt familiar. Like it was an extension of himself or at least of his legacy. Still, the suit was about the only good thing he was feeling.

The honor is mutually exclusive. Anon thought internally, as he faked a smile and shook the stallion’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well. I must admit, you got quite the home out here.”

“Indeed I do.” Filthy Rich smiled, a sense of pride filling his chest. “It was my family that helped founded Ponyville after all. We created the wonderful, vibrant community that has welcomed you with open arms.”

“Weren’t the Apple Family also present?” Anon asked.

“Yes.” Filthy answered. “They helped too. Now, if you will follow me, I’ll show around the mansion. It’s quite easy to get lost, you know.”

“Oh ho ho, I bet.” Anon’s words dripped like venom. Despite knowing very little about the stallion, Anon couldn’t help but feel the upmost contempt for the horse. Filthy seemed out of place to him. An upper class implies a lower class, which in turn implies a lower standard of living. If the average pony lives life carefree, how good do these fuckers have it? Before Anon could revel in any Marxist fantasies, he found himself in the first location is the tour: the kitchen. The kitchen was enormous, easily able to fit a staff of at least 10 ponies. However, the only one doing any cooking was the butler from earlier.

“Yo, who’s that guy?” Anon asked, pointing at the butler.

“That would be Randolph, our most esteemed butler!” Mr. Rich introduced. The butler didn’t so much as acknowledge either of their presence. “He’s been with my family since the very beginning. He’s as much of a Rich as any of us.”

“Man’s got hustle, I’ll give him that.”

“This is our kitchen! We modeled it after the royal kitchen in Canterlot.” Filthy Rich bragged. “Granted, we don’t necessarily have the staff to occupy and make proper use of it, but is quite a beauty to look at, is it not?”

“No.” Anon answered flatly. He looked back at Filthy Rich, only just remembering his faux manners. “Oh, I mean, yes. Of course. Very pretty.”

“Ooookay.” Filthy Rich segued, a little awkwardly. “Well then, allow me to show you the guest bathroom. It has a sauna.” Filthy left through the kitchen doors, leaving his host behind.

“Of course it does...” Anon muttered under his breath, before following.

And so they went from bathroom, to guest bedroom, to other guest bedroom, laundry room, private swimming pool, game room, other game room, and other pointless rooms that one family did not need. Finally, the tour concluded with Diamond Tiara’s room. Behind its closed door, the sounds of two fillies at play. Before Mr. Rich could open the door however, Mrs. Rich exited from the only bedroom they haven’t visited, likely the parent’s bedroom. When she sees the human, a sly smile peeks from under her pointed muzzle.

“Well well, if it isn’t Mr. Anonymous.” She greets, trotting towards the two men. Actually, it was more of a saunter, as if she were making her way across a red carpet and not the hallway of a mansion. They may as well be the same anyway.

“Ah, I see you are already acquainted with the missus.” Mr. Rich takes Mrs. Rich’s hoof in his own and gently plants a kiss. “This is Spoiled Rich, my beloved wife.”

“Oh, that’s actually your name...” Anon mumbled. “I thought Spike was being a dick...” He quickly cleared his throat before the parents asked for him to speak up. “A pleasure to meet you again, Mrs. Rich.”

“Oh, trust me. The pleasure is all mine~!” Mrs. Rich cooed in a...friendly way. Anon shook her hoof slowly, nodding his head.

Well. That’s foreboding. Anon thought to himself, carefully withdrawing his hand. “Hey, so how about we meet the little princess, shall we?”

“Of course!” Mr. Rich agreed, none the wiser to the man’s internal plea. He gave the door a cursory knock before immediately opening it. “My little princess! Daddy found a tutor for you!”

“Hey, Ms. Tiara how gooooooo-“ Anon greeted with the wave of his hand before using said hand to shield his eyes and turn his head. “-oooh shit.” Anon was promptly reminded once again that he was a modest, human alien in a horse world where modesty is a fashion statement.

With their backs turned to the parents and new tutor, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon laid on the bed reading a single, large textbook. Whatever the textbook contained could not be studied by the parents nor tutor as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon collectively pushed the book off the other side of the bed. They turned back with guilty faces.

“U-Uh, Hi M-Mr. and M-Mrs. Rich!” Silver Spoon stuttered unconvincingly.

“Daddy!” Diamond whined, jumping to her hooves to face her dad. “I thought we agreed you weren’t going to barge into my room anymore!”

“But, sweetie, I knocked before entering.” Mr. Rich answered, genuinely confused.

“If I may, Mr. Rich.” Anon lowered his hand to address the stallion. “Usually you knock and then wait for a response before entering.”

“Yeah! Exactly!” Diamond was quick to agree. Silver Spoon stealthily slipped off of the bed and started trotting quickly towards the door.

“It was fun, Diamond but, uh, I gotta go. Enjoy getting tutored.” She spoke quickly before squeezing past the parents and human. Once she was passed, she full sprinted down the hall, the stairs, and out the door.

“What in Celestia’s going on here?” Mr. Rich inquired to a bullet sweating Tiara.

Now, Anon was many things. An asshole? Yes. Socially inept? You betcha. Depraved? Depressingly so. However, the one thing he isn’t, a trait not shared by Mr. Rich, is oblivious. Whatever Diamond Tiara was doing is something that need not be explained to the parents. So, he acted quickly.

“Ah, I see what’s going on here.” Anon spoke up, holding a curled finger to his chin.

“You do?” Mr. Rich looked up at him.

“Of course!” Anon walked over and took a seat on the bed with the flustered filly. “You see, Ms. Tiara here caught wise to your plan to send her to the School of Friendship. So, she arranged a group study session with Silver Spoon, to get a head start. But they didn’t want you to know because they wanted to impress us all at the first possible chance. Isn’t that right, Ms. Tiara?”

Anon looked down at the filly, giving her a knowing wink. She stared back, dumbfounded, before regaining her senses to corroborate the story.

“H-He’s right!” She spoke up, putting on her acting chops. She looked moodily at the ground, drawing little circles on the ground with her hoof. “I just wanted to show you all that I’m a hard worker. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

“Are you kidding, sweetie?” Mr. Rich trotted over to Diamond Tiara, squishing her cheeks. “I’m so very happy to hear that my little princess is taking her studies so seriously!”

“Daddy!” Diamond whined again, her lips puckered together.

He looks over to the human, fist pumping in success. “And you, Mr. Anonymous. My darling wife was right about you! You are perfect for the job. I mean, such a way with kids.”

“Yeah, I’m a child at heart.” Anon rubbed the back of his head, selling the sheepishness Mr. Rich was looking for.

“Well, I’ll leave you to the tutoring then.” Mr. Rich backed off, adjusting his tie. “I have a meeting with the Apple family that I have to attend to and the misses will be in attending me, right honey?”

“Oh, but of course dear.” She said in a sweet tone as she rolled her eyes. Mr. Rich takes his wife hoof and leads the two out of the room. Before she closes the door, she looks back at the human with a lecherous gaze. “Perfect for the job indeed...” With that she closes the door, leaving him alone with a Diamond Tiara who collapsed on the bed.

I’m sensing a few red flags. Anon admitted. An oblivious husband, an unfaithful wife, and a child that is discovering herself is not the ideal household in which to take a job of any kind. But cash rules everything around me, so...

“Thanks for bailing me out, Anon.” Diamond Tiara mumbled into the bedding, still embarrassed for having been caught unawares. Anon reached over and patted her on the head.

“We all go through it, sometime or another.” Anon offered as comfort. However, curiosity lingered in his mind. Just what was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon reading? While Diamond collected herself, face engulfed in a finely embroidered blanket, Anon circled the bed to the book laying on the floor. He crouched down to pick it up. Almost instantly, Diamond Tiara shot up, acutely aware of what he was doing.

“Wait!” Diamond crowd out helplessly.

“It’s just an anatomy book?” Anon asked incredulously, looking at the cover. He thumbed through the pages, which at best had pictures of anatomical models that were more scientific than risqué. “Come on, I figure you ponies can do better than that-“ He nearly choked on his word.

Cleverly hidden deep within the pages of the textbook were pages of what could only be described as the pony version of Playboy. Playpony? Anyway, the pages were torn from their original publication and glued to the pages of the textbook. On this particular page, a blue stallion stared back at him with the same lecherous gaze given to him by Mrs. Rich before.

Anon inhaled through his nose. He held for four seconds as he closed the book. He exhaled through his mouth. Diamond Tiara laid speechless, unknowingly holding her breath. Anon turned towards her with a cheerful smile and closed eyes.

“I never read this textbook.” Anon stated simply.

“You...never read that textbook?” Diamond Tiara repeated slowly, confused. Anon violently threw the book to the adjacent wall with only the pivot of his hands, otherwise remaining perfectly still. The book landed behind a drawer. The sudden activity of motion startled the filly.

“What textbook?” Anon asked innocently. “I saw nothing.”

“You...saw nothing.” Diamond Tiara nodded, understanding the unspoken.

This is gonna be a long semester.