Daniel's Dangerous Dynasty

Hell's Court must go on, even if, just yesterday, their leader has given birth to the Princess of Hell, herself.

Mina knows this, and a such, leaves Dina under the care of the Castle Staff to trudge her way into yet another boring day of Politics and Problems...

...this will be an interesting day, for sure.

Mina's eyes were closed, but she felt as if she were awake. For one thing, she heard the ticking of the alarm clock near her bed, as it tried to quietly sound out, though not too loud due to her warning all those months ago. For another thing, as she rubbed her fingers together, she felt the fur brushing against each other, confirming that she was, in fact, awake.

Then, of course, there was the lump of weight on her chest, along with the liquid trickling on her neck and her shirt combined.

And yet, despite all of this, she felt the need to try and get some more sleep.

The weight on her chest shifted a bit, but she kept her eyes closed.

Then, something gripped onto her mane and started to tug. It wasn't a bad pain she felt. Far from it, even, but it was still enough for her to open her eyes and look up at the fiend who dared pull the mane of the Devil, herself. Upon seeing the culprit, however, she couldn't help but deadpan in annoyance, rather than anger.

"Well, now... day one and already you're crawling around. You definitely are more Equestrian than Human, it seems." she told her satyr infant that somehow managed to slide itself onto its butt, with her mother's mane in both of her hands, as well as her toothless mouth, which was nomming on its pink hairy contents.

Dina's baby blue eyes looked down at her mother, of whom she was sitting on top of, and Dina smiled upon seeing the eyes looking back at her. She released Mina's mane from her hands and mouth, then leaned over, placing her hands on Mina's cheeks, as more drool fell from her mouth, and onto her mother's neck.

Mina just continued to deadpan at her baby, before bringing her own hands up to Dina's waist. Then she picked her daughter up and sat up on her bed, while her baby made loud baby noises, flailing its arms at her face.

"Hey, hey! Striking your queen is considered treason, in case you didn't know!" she said, to which her daughter naturally took as a challenge to swing even more, plopping her hands on her cheeks even harder, with a wide toothless smile the entire time.

Mina's deadpan turned towards the alarm, who was shaking heavily. "You saw nothing."

The alarm nodded quickly and closed its eyes, while Mina looked back at her baby.

Then, she started to smile even wider, as her mane started to curl out on its own... something she hasn't fully done for years.

"Aww, who's a silly baby girl, huh? Who's a silly wittle pwincess of Hell?!" Mina started to initiate baby talk to communicate, before lifting her baby's belly over to her lips. Then, she started blowing a raspberry on her daughter.

Dina laughed, as her hooves and arms flailed around at the unusual tickling contact. She gripped her mother's floofy hair and started chewing on it again like it were cotton candy, but Mina paid it no mind, and continued to blow on her daughter's belly.

Then, after about a minute, her hair straightened back down and she pulled her daughter back to where she couldn't reach anymore. Her smile instantly dropped, and she deadpanned once again.

"Alright, that's enough baby time for now. Don't make this a habit." she monotonously told her baby.

The baby responded by stuffing her own fist inside her mouth and suckling on her knuckles.

"I'll take that as a deal maker." Mina said with a shrug, before turning towards the entrance of her room.

The door creaked open, and in walked a tiny imp servant girl. "U-umm... Your Highness?"

Mina's cold gaze met her servant's nervous one, before she asked, "What is it?"

"U-umm... Mr. Harold is here, Your Highness. H-he said it's time for Court to start again." the imp girl replied, stuttering nervously at her queen, and avoiding direct eye contact.

Mina sighed and placed her baby on the side of the bed, so that she could stand back up. The baby, in response, tried to crawl down the bed, but Mina caught her before she could fall down.

"Very well, then. Let's get going."

"B-but Your Highness, umm... what about the Princess?" the imp asked, as she followed Mina out the door.

Mina shrugged her shoulders. "What about Dina here?"

"W-well, umm... isn't the Court no place for a baby?" she asked her queen.

Mina paused in her tracks, then looked back at the imp, who crouched down and flinched.

"What's your name, Servant?" Mina asked.

"P-Panic, Your Highness..." the imp girl replied.

Mina nodded her head and forced Dina into Panic's frail little arms. Panic blinked confusedly at the baby, while Mina walked further ahead down the hall.

"Well, Panic, you watch over her for the next five hours. If anything happens, I'll be sure to etch your name on your forehead after ripping your insides out and knitting you into a carpet for the Courtroom." Mina explained.

"W-watch over her?! B-but... but... Y-Your H-H-Highness! I-I can't just..." Panic began to, as her name implied, panic, while Mina vanished behind the corner.

Panic then looked at Dina, who was just staring at her with a wide-eyed smile. She then slowly started to smile back at the baby, before bringing her up to her shoulder and gently patting on the baby's back. Dina's mouth began to bulge out from the contact.

"Aww... it's okay, wittle baby! Nobody here will-"

*BURP!* *FWOOSH!*

A massive flame emerged from behind the imp, whose eyes widened in alarm. She turned around, and saw the carpet and wall decorations now burning to a crisp, then looked at Dina again.

Dina opened her mouth and giggled, as black smoke emerged from her lips. Panic then stared blankly at the damage, and her eye twitched.

"Oh Sweet, Relentless Satan, save me..." Panic mumbled to herself, before Dina's mouth bulged out again. This time, she looked directly at Panic's face.

"So you see, because of my injury, I now need your help to watch her, since... y'know... my eyes are kinda burnt shut!" Panic concluded to a tall, muscular demon butler, who was wrapping bandages around Panic's entire head.

"Well gee, I don't know, Panic. I mean, watching a baby is one thing, but watching the Princess of Hell?! That's just an entirely new level of risk that I don't feel comfortable doing!"

Panic placed her claws on his hand and pulled it down, looking towards the opposite direction of his face, yet he could sense her pleading eyes behind the bandages.

"Please, Pain? I know you can handle it, big brother! After all, you're the one with the biggest tolerance in our family!" Panic begged.

Pain sighed, placing his hands on the temples of his eyebrows. When she started to make whining noises, he deadpanned. "I'm probably not gonna hear the end of this anyways, so... alright, fine. I'll help you out this time, Sis. Just, uh... just follow my voice, and don't get lost!"

"You got it, big brother!" she said, swinging at the air as she turned in the opposite direction.

"Now, then... where did the baby go?" Pain asked.

Panic shrugged her shoulders. "Idunno... I thought I put her over there!"

"Panic, that's the wall."

She turned her hand over towards the right.

"...That's the other wall."

Mina sighed, then rolled her eyes, as Harold read from the long list of visitors once more... he was about halfway through the list, which rolled out about halfway through the room, even while folded. Unbeknownst to them, however, the doors to the Back Halls opened up slowly, and a satyr infant crawled past it, and towards Mina with a smile.

Pain quickly rushed inside and picked the baby up, right as a guard took notice and approached him, ready to draw his weapon.

Pain smiled sheepishly at the guard and grabbed panic's arm before she could walk past him, then stood upright.

The guard glared at them, and spoke quietly. "Hey, what are you doing in here?! Court is about to begin!"

Pain nodded his head and replied, "Y-yes, sir! We were tasked with watching over the Princess, but then, uh... s-she, uh... s-she got a little hungry! Y-yeah, hungry, so we, uh... we were just on our way to the kitchen! Y-you know, to get her some milk!"

The guard looked between Pain and his sister, then at the baby. Pain's sheepish smile soon became nervous, while sweat started to pour down his forehead intensely.

Then, the guard pinched the bridge of his nose and growled. "Ugh... fucking amateurs..." he finally replied, before pointing at the door they just came from.

"Look, you can't just cut through the Court when it's about to begin. Instead, you have to take the hall back down until you see three corridors with the pillar in the center. You take the right one and proceed until you're met with a dead end. Left archway, and you'll see two more pillars in a room. Take the arch in front of the right pillar, and you'll be in the Dining Area. Kitchen's on the opposite end there." the guard directed.

"Oh, the right one! S-sorry, sir, just got a little mixed up, is all!" Pain said with a nervous laugh. He then took Panic and Dina back towards the hallway. "T-thank you for the help, sir!"

"Just get the fuck out of here, before I send you both to the dungeons for interfering with Royal Matters!" he retorted.

They picked up the pace, and were out in a flash, while the guard returned to his post.

"Pfft... fucking newbies these days..."

Pain rushed inside the Servant's Quarters and slammed the door behind him and Panic, making extra sure the baby wasn't in the way for the doors to hit her.

"Unholy shit, Panic, that was way too fucking close for comfort!" he cried out.

Panic shook a bit at that. "W-what happened big brother? I couldn't see anything!"

He placed his hand on his forehead. "This is fucked, sis! Fucked! There's no fucking way we can fucking keep this fucking shit up! That almost fucking cost us our fucking lives! F-fuck!"

"Fack!" came a childish response. Pain looked at Dina, who opened her mouth and giggled. "Fack!"

"Well, fuck..." Pain muttered.

"Fack!"

"No! No, you shouldn't be saying that! W-what if His Majesty found out?! I'm certain he wouldn't want you saying-"

"Fack!"

"Yes, because if he found out, we'll be very facked, so you shouldn't say that!"

"Fack!"

"No!"

"Fack! Fack!"

"No! Say 'Quack' instead! It's more better!"

"Fack!"

"No, Quack!"

"Fack!"

"Big brother, we're in Hell. What difference does it make?"

"Fack!"

"Well, sis, for one thing, His Majesty is a HUMAN!"

"Fack!"

"And your point?"

"Fack!"

"My point is, humans are always very, very specific about what their children can and can't say!"

"Fack!"

"And profanity isn't among them?"

"Fack!"

"Precisely!"

"Fack!"

"That's just stupid, though! I mean, even though it's sinful, it's at least very, very good stress relief!"

"Fack!"

"Yes, but even still, humans require some form of control within their day-to-day routines! Trust me, I'm a Humanologist! I know enough about Humanity to know what's acceptable to their society!"

"Fack!"

"Big brother, that's bullshit, and you know it!"

"..."

Pain looked at the baby and sighed. "Oh, good... it looks like she's done with that shit, now."

"Shit!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

"Fack! Shit!"

Mina sighed as the demon concluded with his plight.

"For the last fucking time, I'm not a charity! If you blew all your Soul Fragments on Pixie Dust, then you should've just fucking listened to your accountant before getting involved in that pointless bullshit! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY COURT, YOU FUCKING JUNKIE!"

"You heard Her Highness! Now GET THE FUCK OUT!" the guards ordered the demon, who complied quickly, albeit confused.

"W-what?!" he asked, only to be shoved out of the door by the guard.

Mina rolled her eyes and leaned against the armrest, while Harold looked at her confusedly. "Your Highness, he was just asking about a deal he made from within the town of Dixie back on Earth. He said nothing about dust, and instead said the deal was, and I quote, a 'bust', which means it didn't go through successfully!"

She shrugged her shoulders before sarcastically replying, "Oops."

"Your Highness, please. If we are to improve our Human-Demon relations, we must be sure to pay as much attention to the details as we possibly can!"

Mina looked at him, then frowned. "Yeah... yeah, you're right. Sorry, my mind's just... a bit muddled right now."

Harold nodded his head and smiled at her. "Your Highness, with all due respect... it's about the Princess, isn't it?"

Mina deadpanned. "Gee, what gave you that idea?"

Harold paid her quip no mind, and adjusted his monocle. "Believe me, Your Highness. I know Miss Panic well. She may seem a bit scatterbrained, but her family is notorious for their strength and their reliability."

"They are? Huh... I kinda just gave her my daughter to take care of, without really thinking it through." Mina said, smiling lightly. "So you think they're fit for the job?"

"Absolutely, Your Highness! Why, trusting her with your child was probably one of the best ideas at the time!"

"THIS WAS THE WORST IDEA EVER!" Pain shouted as he slapped numerous tendrils with a stone hammer. Each tendril would reach out in an attempt to swipe the laughing baby from his arm, but he remained strong and kept fighting off the monsters of Cthulhu, himself.

Panic was hiding behind him, worrying. "W-what're those noises, big brother?!"

"I. DON'T. KNOW!" Pain shook his head, wondering how in HELL this child just conjured up a portal to an Eldritch Dimension within the center of the Servant's Quarters... by sneezing, nonetheless!

Mina stood up from the throne and stretched widely. Finally, Court was done for the day, so she can return to her baby girl.

Harold took the liberty of dismissing everyone else, much to their dismay, but Mina paid it no mind. They can suffer the wait tomorrow, or the next day, or the rest of fucking eternity for all she cared.

Right now, she had a cute little daughter to go snuggle.

She opened the hallway door and made her way over towards the Servant's Quarters... but paused short of the handle when her stomach growled.

"Fuck it, I'm hungry." she said, before turning and heading towards the kitchen.

"We can not handle much more of these things! I'm just a fucking Humanologist!" Pain shouted, punching one of the Illithid Soldiers in the face. Dina held onto two of the purple humanoid's tentacles on its chin and giggled, while tears fell from its eyes, as it begged for mercy in its muffled up hissing tone.

Too bad for it, they couldn't understand Illithic. To their credit, though, at least the Illithids could understand their languages.

"Don't worry, big brother! I'll hold 'em off!" Panic said, as she swung her claws madly at the air, while a group of Illithids just scratched their heads in confusion, before shrugging at each other and casually walking past her to get to Pain and, by extension, Dina.

Pain decided enough was enough, and ran out, picking Panic up and slamming the door to the Dining Room behind him.

Immediately, he was met face-to-face with Mina, who was munching on a bag of chips casually. "Oh, good. You've brought me my daughter. Though... why isn't Panic the one holding onto her?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Pain giggled shyly, knowing that he couldn't lie to her. "H-heh... y-you see, uh... well..."

Mina held a hand up to stop her. "Eh, fuck it, I don't care right now, just as long as I get my daughter back in mint condition."

He nodded his head and offered Dina back to Mina. He then ran with Panic in his hands as quickly as he could.

Mina smiled at her daughter, who giggled back at her.

"Well, now. You seem to be a bit more excited! Maybe I should just hire them as your official go-to sitters!" she giggled, tickling her daughter and making her laugh even more.

Then she gripped onto the door handle.

"Now, let's get going, you little shit." she casually said.

"Shit!"

Mina smiled even brighter. "Aww, your first word!"

She then opened the door and turned to enter, but paused at the sight of ten Illithid Cultists carrying weapons, and pointing them at her.

Her eyes glowed even brighter red, before she snapped her finger and drew her Cleaver.

"And look, Sweetie! We even have your first official sacrifice!"

The door closed behind her, and in the next five minutes, the Dining Area was out of order. One could hear otherworldly screeches and hisses, alongside the sound of blades being shattered, and limbs being sliced up.

Pain an Panic were shaken when they heard that Mina wanted to see them in the Dining Room immediately. Not more than one hour has passed, and they feared for the worst.

They gulped and opened the door, but were caught off-guard when they saw their queen sitting at the table with her daughter beside her in a high-chair. On the table was a large batch of purple cupcakes, with one of which being in Mina's right hand, and the other spread across Dina's face and hands.

"Oh, good, you both made it! Listen, for doing such a good job, I wanted to actually play nice for once... so here, I baked you and the other servants some cupcakes!"

Pain and Panic blinked in surprise, before smiling and bowing their heads to her.

"Oh, uh... t-thank you, Your Highness! It... it was an honor to serve!" Pain said, taking a seat and grabbing a cupcake.

Panic nodded her head and removed the bandage from in front of her mouth so that she could eat.

Then upon taking a bite, they hummed in delight at the strange taste.

"Huh," Pain said, smacking his lips, "these are good, Your Highness! Almost tastes like squid!"