Grumpy Ponies

by Fullmetal Pony

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Discord, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1960

The Game Grumps play an MLP VR game.

Virtual Reality.

Humanity has dreamed of it for decades and now it's available for anyone to use. It's even used for video games, including a My Little Pony game that let's you experience the joys and wonders of Equestria.

And then Arin and Dan decided to play it.

I have no idea where this is going.

Published 2020-07-09 05:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-09 05:10:00 UTC

Where is it?

Stars glistened above. A massive full moon shone in the middle of the grand night sky. It was hard to tell if it was clouds or mist that swirled below the galaxies.

“Wow, it’s beautiful,” came a voice with genuine wonder. It paused a moment. “Uh, where are you, Arin?”

“It’s an introduction. They probably haven’t generated bodies for us yet,” Arin replied.

“Well, as much as I want to float around and contemplate the universe, I really also want to be a unicorn,” Dan complained.

“Aw come on, we haven’t even gotten to the title, you can’t go spoiling what we’re playing.”

“Pretty sure the video title will do that.”

“Look man, we ju—”

“Welcome, travelers!” a voice boomed. Dan and Arin both looked up and saw that the shadow of a mare’s head with a horn sticking out of its head had appeared on the face of the moon. “I am Princess Luna of Equestria. We’re still working out the details… well, more wringing them out of Discord, but we consider your visit to our lands equivalent to a dream. Therefore, it is my duty and honor to welcome you.”

“Okay, that was a lot of lore dropped,” said Dan.

Luna furrowed her brow. “‘Lore?’”

“Dan, stop interrupting the dream princess.” Arin let out a playful sigh. “Ugh, you didn’t do any research before coming, did you?”

“I mean, I looked up what races we could be.” Dan huffed. “Look, I had a lot of tour stuff. The lovelies will understand.”

“Ahem.” Dan and Arin turned their attention back to Luna. “I am glad to see the two of you are so amiable, but there are a few rules we want to make sure you are aware of.”

“Go right ahead, dream master.”

“Arin, you can’t just be that casual with royalty.”

“Anyway,” Luna interjected, “first, if you cause too much chaos, the Guard or the local police will arrest you. Now, Discord may try to free you, but I strongly advise against that. As part of our deal, we have ‘admin powers’ as he termed it and can ‘log you out’ for a temporary banishment. Continued infractions will result in a permanent banishment.

“Second, certain activities are restricted or impossible, namely adult activities. Although, you can become a special somepony with somepony else.”

“Aw, guess we’re leaving that item unchecked,” Arin grumbled.

There was a pause. Then, Dan spoke again. “Okay, that was weird. Can’t even say the numbers.”

“That’s one example of the measures in place,” said Luna. “As Princess of the Night, I personally do not mind such things, but many of the travelers are just fillies and colts, so sister and Twilight insisted safeguards be in place.”

“Ohhhh?” Dan purred.

Luna took a deep breath. “And with that, I’ll let you sort the rest out. Enjoy your time in Equestria! Whether it be through grand adventures, new friendships, or both, welcome, my little ponies!”

Dan and Arin’s presence vanished from the night sky. With them gone, Luna sighed, “Pinkamina is going to have a field day with them.”

~~~

In a vast grassy field, a deep pink stallion with a chestnut mane and a shock of yellow running through it sat up. He looked around and spotted a light blue unicorn lying next to him. Upon the unicorn’s flanks was a red Star of David. The pink stallion looked back at his own flanks and noticed his own face, albeit in a more cartoonish-style adorned them. The face on his flanks bore an exaggerated furrowed brow, a throbbing vein on its forehead and a deep scowl.

“Oh, come on, I’m not that grumpy.”

The unicorn lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. He blinked and brought his hoof away from his face. He shot up to his legs. “Wow! We’re here! We’re ponies! Hello, everyone and welcome to My Little Pony: Dream Dive!”

“Where is my penis?” Arin has scrunched over and was looking down his barrel, straight down his body, and towards his rear.

Dan burst out laughing. “For Celestia’s sake, Ar— Okay, that’s weird too.”

“What’s weird? The whole not having penises thing?” Arin blinked and then said, “penis. Yeah, I think I get what you’re saying. What were you trying to say?”

“Celestia damnit,” Dan said in an exasperated tone. He then laughed some more. “I was trying to talk about that guy. You know, his name starts with a ‘J’ and ends with ‘esus…’ Celestia.”

It was Arin’s turn to laugh. “Oh my stars, that’s great. China wishes they had censorship like this!”

“Geez, Arin, we are not like five minutes in and we’re already getting political.”

Arin jabbed Dan with a hoof. “Well, maybe I want to get political. Maybe ask why controlling the sun and moon makes you Princess and not queen? Maybe ask how to get wings and a horn? These are all very important questions! Like why don’t I at least have wings?”

“Okay, take a breath,” Dan chuckled. “Maybe you’re an earth pony because of calling everypony a clod.”

“It probably is that,” Arin half-sighed, half-chuckled. He then glanced to the right and saw a town was nearby. “Oh, hey, chance to talk with the locals.”

Dan puffed up his chest. “Friends or foes?”

“There’s not going to be any foes… I think.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, the show is just about ponies doing like fun everyday things.” Arin then squeaked, “And every now and then fighting a demonic force of evil.”

“Woah! What!?” Dan gasped. He then turned his head left and right. Unsure where to look, he shook it. “Okay, lovelies, truth time… I’ve heard this show has a crazy fanbase, there’s lots of friendship, and I could be a unicorn, that’s about it.”

“Dan!” Arin drew back and thumped a hoof against his chest. “How could you? We promised we’d watch some of the show!”

“Well, how much did you watch?”

“All of it.”

“When the buck did you have time to watch all of it?!”

“Well, I mean, Suzy and I watched a little before we got the request.”

“Oh my Celestia.” Dan’s eyes widened and then he broke into a grin. “You’re a brony!”

“No,” Arin replied in a flat tone.

“You’re a grown man watching My Little Pony you’re totally a brony!”

Arin snorted. “That’s not what the term means.”

“That is definitely what that term means.” Dan chortled “Oh this is great. No ‘Dan’s a furry’ on this playthrough. It’s all ‘Arin’s a brony’ from here on out. Ben, put up a big ‘Arin’s a brony’ sign.”

For those watching at home, a giant text of “Arin in a Brony” appeared on the screen. The “Brony” part was lit up with sparkles.

~~~

After recovering, Dan and Arin made it to town. Ponies walked all among them and both Dan and Arin had wide eyes and big smiles.

“Oh, this is kick-flank.” Dan pointed at what appeared to be a massive crystal tree. “James Cameron eat your heart out.”

“Bet he’s peeved this game came out before the Avatar one.”

“Yeah, and this isn’t like with Fallout.” Dan took a whiff of the air. The scent of fresh bread, well-seasoned roasted vegetables, and lots and lots of sugar drifted into his nose. “Man, I’m now actually hungry.”

“Well, we’ve got a party later, but you’re always welcome to come by Sugarcube Corner.”

“Buck!” Dan yelped and jumped back from the pink pony that had appeared out of nowhere between himself and Arin.

Arin remained in place but shook a little. A wide smile bloomed across his face. “Oh my gosh! It’s Pinkie-pink!”

“Pie,” Pinkie corrected. She rose up on her hindlegs and spread her forelegs wide. “And welcome to Ponyville!”

Smoke and confetti exploded from behind Pinkie.

Dan put a hoof to his chest and took some breaths. “Okay, that’s cool and all, but you cannot just pop up like that.”

“Yeah, Twilight says I need to work on that, but giving everypony a surprise is part of the fun!”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” Arin repeated.

“You sound like Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie giggled.

“Oh, the pride pegasus,” Dan snarked.

“Well, if I flew as well as her, I’d be pretty proud too,” said Pinkie.

“Aw, now I just remembered how la—” Before Arin could finish complaining, a cupcake got shoved into his mouth.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Pinkie waggled a hoof at him. “Can’t have you saying that in the square. I only gave your friend a pass because I surprised him so well. Oh, that’s right, I haven’t gotten your names yet!”

“I’m Danny.” Dan brushed aside his mane with a flourish. “Danny Funba… Oh, forget that. Just Dan then.” He sighed and looked down. “Aw, can’t even go with my stage name.”

“Oooohhh!” Pinkie’s eyes widened and she slid up close to Dan. “A stage name? Do you do performances?”

“Yep,” Dan said with a puffed-up chest. “Actually on tour right now.”

Pinkie’s eyes narrowed. “And it’s not a ‘special’ kind of performance is it?”

“What?” Dan gasped. “No do those… is that a thing here?!”

Pinkie shook her head. “Of course not, silly. I just keep hearing crazy things from all the travelers all the time. Discord said I’m kinda like a guard since I get to know everypony so well… now, I am curious about what you do and why you can’t say your name.” She flipped up an ear and beckoned Dan closer to it. “I’m a special case, so if you whisper it in my ear, you can say your full name.”

“Really?” Dan raised an eyebrow. “Okay…”

He advanced and did as Pinkie asked. She giggled before Dan pulled back. “Ha, that is a pretty funny name, but rules are rules.

“Aw, sho yorf just gonna…” Arin finished chewing on his cupcake and swallowed it down with a big gulp. “You’re just gonna go with your regular name?”

“What are you going for, Arin?”

“Something, you know, fitting for a land full of magical ponies.” He grinned and turned towards Pinkie. “You may call me Grambly Grump.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t Dan just call you Arin… Oh, are we using made-up names? Then I’m Andrea Libman!”

Arin let out a burst of laughter. “Ah, that’s a good Easter egg.”

“It’s not an egg, it’s a made-up name,” said Pinkie. “Well, anyway, I’ve got some more welcomes to prepare for, but I hope you can make it to the party at eight tonight. Even Discord said he’d be there!”

With that, Pinkie bounced off.

Dan watched her go and then looked at Arin. “So, she’s definitely still calling you Arin.”

“Aw!” Arin groaned. He then shook his head, puffed up his chest and looked up. “Well, I’m still gonna have an awesome pony adventure!”

“Okay, I can get behind that. We just need to fit it into the next few hours.” Dan brought a hoof to his chin. “Also, did she mention something about discord being at the party? That sounds a little ominous.”

“Oh, it’s not.” Arin playfully swatted the air between himself and Dan. “He’s just the embodiment of chaos that almost took over Equestria and mindhurt all the main characters. Don’t worry, he’s their friend now.”

Dan stared at Arin for a solid couple of seconds. “And this is a show for kids?”

“And people that never grew up.”

“Okay, well, sounds like we’ve got a plan!” Dan stared up at the sky and proclaimed, “Next time on Game Grumps!”

“Already?” Arin gasped. “You gotta be bucking kidding m—”

A pink hoof appeared from somewhere and shoved another cupcake in Arin’s mouth. “Language!”

Author's Note

Again, no idea where this is going.