Derpy's Garden
Prologue
The sun rose over Ponyville, slowly illuminating the bedroom of Derpy Hooves. However, the celestial rays that usually
beckoned the pegasus to turn over and try to shut out the waking feeling missed their target by an hour.
Before Carrot Top, her housemate and friend, even rose, she was already downstairs, far too excited to sleep.
Because of an accident a few days ago, she lost all of her hair and feathers temporarily. So while she couldn't
deliver mail for as long as it took to regrow everything, Carrot Top and Dinky had offered to cover for her shifts.
In return, Derpy promised to help out Carrot on the farm.
And today was the first day of it.
Chapter 1
"...and we'll plant lots of pumpkins! I like pumpkins, they're delicious and big! Also coconuts! And then we'll add
a whole lot of..."
Derpy was rambling on and on about what she'd like to plant and eat, much to the annoyance of Carrot Top, who just
wanted to wake up properly and grow freaking CARROTS!
"Derpy!", she called her to attention. "Do you by any chance know what the mark on my flank looks like?"
"Ehm... a bunch of carrots?", Derpy replied meekly
"Does that mean my talent is growing pumpkins? Or beans? Or pizza's?!", Carrot shouted way too loud for a quiet Monday
morning.
"Why is everypony shouting?...", Dinky said from upstairs, still very groggy.
Carrot and Derpy calmed down, and Derpy walked up to her daughter and kissed her on the forehead. "It's nothing, Dinky.
Go back to sleep, you don't have to go to school until nine o'clock. I'll wake you when you need to."
Dinky went back into her room and laid on her bed with an awesome book about a pegasus knight whose wings could shatter stones just by flapping wind at them. She read half a page before falling asleep again.
"Okay, just carrots then...", Derpy agreed. "What do you want me to do?", she said, perking up again.
Carrot hadn't really thought that through yet. Occasionally she had help from one or two of her housemates, but for the
most, she managed everything by herself and was done before either of them came home.
"Uh, just follow me around and do what I say, I guess."
"Okay!"
Derpy stared intently at Carrot with her right eye, while the left one was busy looking at imaginary bugs on the wall, or
so it seemed to Carrot.
"Well not right now! Wait until we're finished with breakfast", Carrot barked back.
Derpy put her rump down on the couch and continued to stare at Carrot with a big smile on her face.
Carrot slapped herself in the face with her hoof.
Chapter 2
"Oopsie! Sorry Carrot!"
Carrot Top wiped the dirt from her face in utter frustration. What in Equestria had posessed her to make her suggest Derpy
was a fine farmhoof?! She was friendly and optimistic, sure, but HORRIBLE at staying focused on the job. Unless Carrot was
watching her every second, she could soon count this entire harvest out.
Derpy was having the time of her life! Playing with shovels and dirt made her feel like a little filly again, scooping up
clouds and blowing them away. Fun! Maybe make a moat around the farm? Ooh! Let's build a huge castle!
"Derpy! Focus!", Carrot shouted, frustrated by the constant pelting.
Right, right. Focus. Just shuffle around the soil, straight lines from the farm.
Derpy stood at a perfect angle to the house, keeping her right eye trained on it, and the left one on the fencepost at the
other end. As long as she stood in that line perfectly, nothing could go wrong. Those wonky eyes were good for something
after all, Derpy thought to herself, and started digging again.
*DIG* *DIG* Hey, that cloud looks like a traincar! *DIG* *CLUNK*
"DERPY!"
Chapter 3
Just before lunchtime, the two ponies had succesfully tilled the soil. Carrot's farm was not very big, but she made up for
it by selling shipments of carrots from her family as well.
However, it proved FAR too big to work entirely along with a pegasus who, despite being grounded, still managed to get her head in
the clouds! At this rate, Carrot was going to buck her in the face before too long!
Carrot glanced at Derpy, happily chewing on some hay and lying in the front yard.
Ah, but she couldn't just tell her that, could she? Derpy was her friend, not her employee. Perhaps there was another way...
A terrible, terrible idea came onto Carrot Top, and she smiled maliciously to herself.
"Oh Derpyyy!", she half-sang as she trotted up to her. "I just wanted to tell you how great you are at being a farmpony!
I've never had an assistant quite like you before (or anypony, for that matter)!"
"Really? Thanks Carrot! So you're not mad about the few times I hit you with the dirt at all?", Derpy answered, happy as ever.
Carrot twitched her eye, but fortunately, Derpy wasn't savvy enough to pick up on it.
"Oh no! In fact, I think you've done so well, you've earned a promotion!", she continued, "I'm giving you your own patch of
land to do with as you please! Whatever you wanna do with it, it's all for you!".
It was the perfect plan. Derpy was going to deal with her own farm, and she wouldn't have time to "help" Carrot anymore.
Plus, she'd still feel useful for the coming time, which was pretty much her reason for helping Carrot in the first place.
Derpy was staring wide-eyed ahead (and off to one side), trying to realize that she'd just been given her own farm.
The images, smells, feel and most importantly, taste, of a thousand different fruits and vegetables entered the mare's mind,
left their impression, and faded away again.
However, a sudden realisation hit her. She had barely any idea how to run a farm.
"But I don't know how...", Derpy said sadly.
"Not a problem! I'll teach you all there is to it. Now what were you thinking of growing?", Carrot replied, eager to both
help Derpy learn how to farm, and get her out of her mane before she lost it completely.
Derpy took a big breath, and began rattling off a list lasting about ten minutes.
"Melons and bananas and potatoes and cucumbers and Brytoxillian circlefruits and celery and kiwi's and pears and..."
Chapter 4
A few days later, and Derpy had her own little garden now. About fifteen square meters of farmland, for her to do with as she
pleased. A low fence and a sign that said "Garden of Derpy, please do not eat. (Unless you are Derpy, then go ahead.)" marked her territory.
Armed with saddlebags full of seeds, fresh from the market, Derpy was ready to begin her agricultural adventure. She couldn't decide which seeds to plant first, so she mixed the whole bunch and just started planting. She made sure to buy as much kinds of plants as possible, not knowing which crop suited her talents best. Anything other than carrots, at least.
She figured starting then and there was a good a place as any, and started planting seeds without knowing which was which.
That wasn't entirely how Carrot had taught her, but Derpy liked a pleasant surprise and it was her farm. She had also refused any physical assistance from Carrot, fearing her Earth Pony magicks would invalidate all her efforts. If she was going to run her own little farm, it was going to be all sprung from her effort alone.
She was about halfway across her little lap of land when the other pony she'd like to keep off her land as much as possible
appeared to help. Dinky, with some effort, reached up on one of the fence posts, and gazed over the plot.
"You're six degrees off course, Mom."
Derpy sighed. She should have known. She did almost everything in her spare time together with her daughter, and Dinky wanted to continue this trend, it seemed.
"Thank you, muffin. Now go off and play somewhere else please.", Derpy answered, with only very little hope that that would
actually work right away.
"But I wanna help! You're doing it all wrong and we'll have to eat carrots AGAIN!", Dinky replied.
"I don't care if I'm doing it wrong, I'm doing it by myself! I don't want Carrot to help, and I don't want you to help. You're
just a little filly, go play with your friends instead of toiling away here.", Derpy said, perhaps a little irritated.
Her poor choice of words immediately had their effect: "So you think I'm a stupid little filly then? No help at all, good for
nothing... doesn't want me either... *sob*"
Dinky slipped down from the fencepost on the other side, and sat down crying a little with her face in her hooves.
Derpy felt horrible. She hadn't snapped at Dinky in... ever, and now she sent her off crying when she was just trying to help.
She walked to the fence and jumped over.
"Oh, Dinky...", Derpy said before kneeling down in front of her daughter and holding her head to her chest, "I'm so sorry..."
She couldn't hold herself back, and teared up while stroking Dinky's mane with her hoof.
In a position like that, both ponies calmed down within a few minutes.
"I know you just want to help me, but this really is something I want to do myself. I want to know if I'm good for anything
else than just my wings. You're not a stupid pony, not at all. But that's just what I mean; if I get help from the smartest
pony in Equestria, then that's cheating!", Derpy said.
Dinky perked up a little again. "Okay Mommy. I'll leave you alone. But please be careful so you don't get hurt again.", she
said.
Derpy kissed her on the forehead and sent her off to play.
Right. Back to work.
Derpy hopped back over the fence to find a very unpleasant surprise waiting for her.
Chapter 5
[Derpy's farming diary, entry one: Don't leave fresh seeds lying around unguarded. Birdies love to eat seeds.]
Derpy closed the booklet and dropped the pencil next to it, exhausted. She had spent more than a hour trying to chase off
the flock of birds that had found themselves a feast. Without working wings, she couldn't chase them up in the air, so it
was a lot harder than it should. Stupid feathers, why can't you grow back faster? Anyway, time for lunch. The doctor said
eating well would help them regrow quicker and to be fair, there were a few tiny little feathers sprouting out. It still
looked ridiculous, so she wore a blanket over her back all day. It itched like crazy, and Derpy would've been rolling
around in the grass for hours if she weren't so devoted to her jobs.
Derpy was still working half her normal job. In the afternoons, while Carrot and Dinky delivered the local mail, she went
to the post office and help sort out the fresh mail. It was a much longer path up now then it was when she still could fly.
Still, the view from the mountain was gorgeous, and she never had taken the time to appreciate it before.
Upon arrival at the office, she was greeted by the familiar face of Carryall, her boss and in many ways her substitute
parent. Also by dozens of stuffed mailbags. Although he had tried very hard to make Derpy take sick leave, she'd staunchly
refused as much times. There was a task to be done, and there was a spare pony. To Derpy at least, it was as simple as that.
At least she got to spend some time with Carryall again. Ever since she and Dinky moved in with Carrot Top, she only saw him at work, and most days Derpy's part of the job was flying around delivering mail. He was similiarly secretly happy about that.
The afternoon passed quickly, too quick. Derpy hadn't even gotten to the time she and Carrot accidentally got into a bar fight while doing groceries yet, when they ran out of mail to sort. The town's belltower struck six times, and the faint echoes were just audible in the post office. The end of a very exhaustive day.
As Derpy trotted up to the orange house in the middle of Carrot's land, she took a swift look at the plot of land she had been
working. Carrot had told her that the plants took time to grow, and you couldn't expect results immediately. But still there
was a little dissapointment that the plot looked exactly like before. No numerous green tufts sprouting from the soil, no trees
lined with delicious fruits, and no salivating flowerfields. Her stomach rumbled even louder now.
Derpy slipped in the front door when she heard talking coming from the kitchen. Perhaps it was impolite of her, but she stepped over very quietly to eavesdrop a bit.
"But I don't wanna have carrots again! That's the seventeenth time this month already! Isn't that much carotene dangerous? Think of the fillies!". Dinky put up quite a show in protest, it seemed. All the more reason to grow the mystery crops faster.
"Be thankful I feed you so well! Other fillies have carrots only once a month!", Carrot replied, playing along. "You know what
happens when a pony doesn't get her share of fine, healthy carrots?"
Derpy took this as a cue of sorts, and walked slowly towards Dinky, one eye staring at her, the other spinning out of control.
"OooooOOOOooh! Thiiiiiisss happpppeennnnssss tooo yoouuuu!", she said in a vague attempt at a spooky voice.
It took one second for both of them to fall over on the floor laughing.
As Derpy stood up again, Carrot hastily apologized: "You know I didn't mean your... thing, right?"
"I know Carrot. Thanks for trying to make my daughter eat healthy.", Derpy replied.
"Healthy but boring...", Dinky pouted while setting the table.
"You want to eat grass instead? It's right there, little lady!", Carrot said firmly. It was good to have a pony around
who could be more assertive towards Dinky, but still didn't feel right somewhere within Derpy.
What felt even less right were the painful rumbles down inside her stomach. At least that problem would be solved in a
few minutes.
Chapter 6
After a few days of more hard work, still not a single plant had sprouted. Derpy grew increasingly worried that she had
screwed up again. Although Carrot would tell her time after time not to worry, and nothing was wrong and the plants
just needed some patience, Derpy was still unsatisfied. Carrot had some sort of special feel for growing crop, she always
knew just what they needed and when. Derpy had not, and just didn't want to rely on just feelings anymore. So today,
after checking the plot, she'd go to the market and ask some of the farmer ponies. Carrot may know everything about
carrots, but Celestia knows what Derpy had planted, so Derpy reckoned to just try everything.
"Okay, I'm off! Good luck with the business, Carrot!", Derpy said to her friend. Carrot sold her crop at the market on
odd days. Today, Derpy helped her set up the stand (and herself to some carrots. Unlike Dinky, she didn't grow bored
with food so fast.)
Carrot waved her goodbye. There was no way this was going to end well, but still, Derpy had to try.
There were many kinds of salesponies in town that day, and if Derpy wasn't on a very important mission, she would've
been there all morning.
"Focus, Ditz!", Derpy thought to herself. "You may be surrounded by shiny and/or delicious items, but there is no time!
The food needs you, and Dinky needs the food! Dinky needs you!"
Derpy focused. Okay, first farmer pony.
She walked up to a stand where an orange Earth pony stood, selling apples. Derpy had no problem with Applejack, but Carrot and her couldn't stand eachother. They never fought or anything, just passive aggression. The times Derpy had seen her talk to others, she seemed nice enough to help a pony out. Surely it wasn't a problem that Derpy and Carrot were friends, right?
"As a matter of fact, I do have a problem with that!", Applejack shouted to Derpy. "How do I know you're not just trying
to steal our precious family secrets for that curly, stuck-up soilmonger! You'll drive us straight outta business, that's
what!"
Derpy was backed down and crouched a little, with her ears hanging down. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...", she weakly
replied.
"It's not your fault, Derpy. Carrot tricked you, that's all. You stay right here, and I'll give that pony what's coming
to her! MAC! You're on stand-duty!". And with that, Applejack stormed off towards Carrots stand at the other end of the
market.
Derpy still sat there, scared at the sudden outburst of the pony that seemed so friendly. She was sure that if Applejack
had gone on a little longer, she would've cried.
"Hey, are you okay, Miss Mailpony?", a low but gentle voice said to Derpy. She turned her head towards the caring voice.
Big Macintosh stood there, looking at her with a big, friendly smile.
"It's nothing big, really. I.. I'm fine. And uh... I'm.. ehm, Derpy.", Derpy replied.
"It's not as bad as it seems. My sister and I just finished a lot of paperwork lately, and she's more worried about the
farm than I reckon she should be. And sometimes, she just needs to let loose a bit.", Mac said, putting Derpy a little
more at ease. "And I think your friend, Miss Carrot, can handle her by now."
There was something about Macintosh that made everypony who talked to him feel better. Even Carrot had admitted to
having a little crush on the guy. Derpy didn't really have feelings for the stallion, of course, but there was something about being comforted by a musclebound yet friendly hunk of a pony.
"Now I understand you want some help on your farm? I never took you for the farming type, but I guess I'm wrong about
that.", aforementioned hunk of a pony said, snapping Derpy back into reality.
"Just... just advice please. I want to do it by myself, if that's possible.", Derpy replied, standing back up again.
"Very well then, if you're up to the challenge, Miss Derpy. What do you want to know?", Mac answered.
Fortunately, Derpy was full of questions at this stage: "Well... suppose a pony is not an Earth pony, but still wants
to grow food. What can I... that pony, do to make sure the plants grow as good as they can?"
Macintosh thought for a few seconds, as Derpy sat in uncomfortable silence.
"Well, there isn't simply one thing you've gotta do to make it all work, it just don't work like that. For the most part, it's trusting you do the best you can, and see what that brings you. ", he said. "But if you want a more practical tip, try this: water the plants in a zig-zag pattern."
"A zig-zag pattern? Why?", replied Derpy, confused.
"It makes sure you don't overflow a single plant, and dry out others. It makes all your crop grow nice and equal."
Disregarding how useful that tip was, just hearing it made Derpy feel better already. She was just going to dump a
few buckets of water on the land originally, but now she had a better way. Improving her methods felt good, and it
provided her with the confidence she needed.
"Thanks so much Macintosh, that sounds really helpful!", Derpy replied with newfound enthousiasm. She jumped up
and gave him a quick peck on the cheek in the excitement.
Then she realized she did that.
"I.. uh.. oops. Sorry. I.. am going to ask around for more help now! Thanks Big Macintosh!", she said, and then
stormed off with her face almost as red as Mac.
He stood there for a moment, then rubbed his cheek with his hoof. "You're welcome Miss Mailpony", he whispered to
no one in particular.
Chapter 7 (okay, more like 6,5)
"And the zekret to all thingz iz MODERATION! Don't let the berriez bubble too long, or too zhort! *hic* Here, try
thiz one!"
Berry poured Derpy a very small glass of her famous wine. Surprisingly accurate, too. Derpy wasn't partial to wine
herself, but she was the one who tried to chat up Berry Punch. Berry was the sort of pony who tested every batch
of product personally, and from time to time, it showed. In spite of that, her wine was one of the best and Berry
herself never seemed to suffer from the consequences significantly. Their respective daughters went to the same
class of school, and Dinky got along well with Berry Pinch, apparently. Derpy looked at the drink with one eye,
and at the expectant, grinning, Berry with the other. Derpy steeled herself, and chugged the wine.
It was like drinking liquid silk! The wonderful beverage tingled and teased the tastebuds of the tentative pony,
and when it was gone, Derpy silently wished for more.
"Told ya it wuz good.", Berry said proudly.
"It's great! Delicious!", Derpy answered. "But I don't have the money to pay for it...", she realized out loud.
"Ah, it'z on the houze! Alwayz glad to see a cuztomer whoze interezted in the workz. And remember uz when you
wanna have zecondz!"
"Really? Thanks Berry, you're the best! I've gotta go now, but really thanks for all the help!", Derpy said
when she walked away from Berry's stand, just as a new customer approached it.
Walking and keeping her eyes straight was a job which required concentration normally, but especially after
the drink. Derpy resorted to walking much slower than normal. Of course, "normal" here should be flying, but
with the frizzled wings hidden underneath her back-blanket, that's not an option.
Before long, she saw an unfolded carriage filled with all kinds of gizmos and gadgets. This one didn't seem
familiar to Derpy at all, unlike most regular or semi-regular tradeponies. She walked over and tried peering
in looking for the owner.
Suddenly, a slighly yellow unicorn popped out of the carriage, and a startled Derpy jumped backwards.
"I'm sorry to startle you, pretty lady! Were you looking for anything in particular? How can Flim & Flam be
of service to a pretty pony like yourself?"
Derpy gathered herself from the surprise attack. "Wha? Pretty pony?", she stumbled.
Another yellow unicorn, this one bearing a large red mustache, jumped from the side of the improvised shop
and helped her back up. "Why you, of course! I don't know about you, brother, but do you see a fairer pony
than this one around here?"
The first unicorn squinted his eyes and made a quick look around for show. "Why no Flam, I do not! Now how can
two roaming salesponies like ourselves help a noble lady like you?", he said with a grin.
Derpy was flattered (and tipsy) and giggled in response. "I was actually looking for some help with my farming.",
she said afterward, "I wanted to try it, but it's not going so well... Do you have anything to help a pony out?"
The unicorns looked at eachother for a second before one of them answered: "Ma'am, Flim & Flam Incorperated have
EVERYTHING to help a pony out! Now what do you think about our patented..."
Chapter 8
That evening, Derpy trotted down the road to the farm whistling and dancing. Mailwork was over in a flash, and with all the
help her farm would work out beautifully. Heck, she could even see small green tufts popping out of the patch here
and there! All that stuff really worked out!
With the special fertilizer from those unicorns, which they assured was completely, absolutely non-magic in nature,
moderated to the right concentration with the manual she picked up at the library and the plot being watered in
the zigzag pattern, the results were sprouting already!
This only served to lift Derpy in even higher spirits, and she waltzed on two hooves at a time to the door.
She knocked right into the doorknob with her flank, but that only fazed her a little and knocked the wig off her
head. Derpy rubbed over her recently deplumed cranium with a hoof, and felt a little bit of hair growing back
already! Even more good news! She put the wig back on (backwards), and ran inside.
With a belly full of food (guess what? Carrots.) and after a nice evening of playing hoofball with Dinky, Derpy
went off to the realm of dreams seconds after she laid her head down.
--
In a dark room in a place without a name...
"Tell me about... the muffin mare.", said the hooded pony before setting a small bag of coins on the table.
"The muffin mare?", answered the silhouette of a pony sitting across from her in the dimly-lit room.
"The muffin mare.", the first one replied.
"And what would you like to know about this... muffin mare?", the shadowed pony said while snatching up the bag
with a brown hoof.
"I'd like to know what made her think she could hide from me.", said the hooded pony coldly before removing her
hood to reveal a blond mane and gray fur.
"Hide?", the shadowed mare said with amusement, "Hiding is for little fillies."
She leaned forward so the front on her face showed underneath the cone of light from the ceiling. "What I do is
wait. Wait for the right time and place. And I think we've found it here."
The room's light suddenly flew on, revealing dozens of brown blobs of batter in the vague shape of ponies
surrounding the two. The blond pony also got a good look at her opposite number; a brown mare with slightly
darker brown hair and a muffin cutie mark. The Muffin Mare.
"Muffinions! Attack!", the Muffin Mare shouted to her army, who reared before leaping at the gray pony in the
cloak.
In a flash, the pony pulled out a pressing iron mold about three-fourths her size from under the cloak and readied
herself. She snatched the first of her attackers between the halves and pressed down before anyone could respond.
Left in place of the monster was naught but a oversized muffin, which the pony dove to before it fell to the ground.
GULP!
The animated blobs' courage failed them as they saw their former compatriot dissappear into the gullet of their
designated enemy, and they tried desperately to make a beeline for the exits in panic.
"Arghh! You weak-bellied mooks! Fine! I'll do it myself! To me!" shouted the Muffin Mare to her fleeing underlings.
And with a motion of her front hooves, the mass that composed them surged towards her, dragging the gray pony with
it. Before the pony's eyes, The Muffin Mare was engulfed around her legs by the mass, looking like a giant brown
mud monster and holding her opponent trapped in one giant hoof.
"Bwahaha! None can stand against me now! Least of all you, mommy?", the pony-batter-monster exclaimed, and started
shaking the trapped gray pony all around.
"Before long, I'll have you crying for your mom! Moommm!"
Everything started to rapidly fade out for the gray pony, as if she was being pulled from one reality into another.
--
"Mom! Mommymommymommy!", shouted Dinky to her mother, who seemed hellbent on staying asleep. She shook her shoulders about some more, and considered splashing a bucket of water in her face when Derpy began waking up.
"Huu... wha? What's... what's going on?", she said sleepily. As she rubbed the crusts out of her eyes, she noticed
her daughter standing over her on the bed. "Dinky? What's wrong, sweetie?"
Dinky inhaled.
"I was up really early cuz'I coudn't sleep anymore and I was done with my book and there wasn't anypony up yet and
then I wanted to go to the library and get a new book and then I opened the door and there are BIG SCARY MONSTERS
OUTSIDE!!!"
Derpy understood the word "monsters outside" and a scared Dinky in front of her, and quickly sat up to hold her to
her chest.
A few seconds later, she climbed out of bed and Dinky followed after her. "Now let's go see what these "monsters" want.",
she said calmly.
Chapter 9
"Clearly, they desire the flesh of ponies."
A similiar but much more frantic thought shot through Derpy's head as she slammed the door shut again as quickly as
possible.
What she saw in the few seconds the door was open was a giant green mass of writhing vines, teeth and other nasty
pieces of phyto-horror.
She turned her head towards Dinky, who had taken to wearing a colander over her head as a makeshift helmet and held
a bigger pan in her mouth for her mother.
As a result, a minute later Carrot Top was woken by two metal-headed panicked ponies who claimed the legions of walking
plant-monsters were invading Equestria.
A few minutes later, three armored ponies were boarding up the windows and drawing up attack plans.
"Bathroom window?!", shouted Carrot Top from the staircase.
"Check!", responded Dinky from it, where she had put the calendar up against the window for cover. Eh, better than
nothing.
"Storeroom window?!", Carrot called downstairs, toward the back of the house.
"Tsjweck!", Derpy shouted back upstairs, reminding Carrot that she also kept bags of carrots there, and Derpy liked to
snack when she was upset.
"Okay, that's about it. Everypony back to the living room!"
Dinky had come up with an escape plan, and managed to scrounge together more pieces of metal. Pots, pans, plated and
more were spread out on the living room floor.
She explained her plan: "Okay, we need to take out the plant-monsters quick, before it grabs some innocent passerby
pony! But we can't just walk outside ourselves either, we wouldn't stand a chance. So I'm thinking we can use all the
metal in the house to make armor for us and walk outside without getting... *Gulp* eaten. L-like the Steel Stallion!"
For emphasis, she pulled a comic book off the table to show.
"That's a pretty good plan, Dinky.", Carrot said, "But how do we get rid of the plants?"
Dinky lit up instantly. "Actually, that's in here too!". She flipped open the comic and turned to a page where it's
hero fights a giant mass of vines. "It says right here that every giant plant monster that attacks ponies has a single
point of origin! Take that out, *flips the page* and the whole thing falls down!"
"I'm not really sure that a comic book provides realistic advice here...", Carrot hesitantly replied.
She sighed. But really, where were they going to get realistic advice for fighting giant plant monsters anyway?
"All right. Let's try that. We'll mix up a bunch of weedkillers with everything fancy we have in the house, and give
it a shot. I'll take care of that while you and Mommy fix up that armor for me, okay?"
Carrot realised something. "Where is she anyway? And where is the metal?"
Chapter 10
Derpy saw her chance while both other ponies were distracted. She couldn't just stand around and do nothing while
something she screwed up was endangering others. Besides, she felt like she was the best pony for the job anyway;
Carrot might accidentally use her Earth pony talents to make the monster bigger, and Dinky was entirely out of the
question. No, what this mission needed was a pony who was very good at breaking things.
Derpy sighed as she put on the final pan over her left wing, or what used to be one. Now it was just a sad, gray
appendage with some small plucks of feathers on it. In total, the combined armor covered about three-fourths of
her body, with the largest uncovered patches on her belly. It would have to do.
Out into the raging field went the pony with nerves as tough as the armor covering her, facing the creature she
had accidentally brought to bear on an unprepared village. Lashing vines struck down upon her, gnashing teeth
bit down upon her and pointed thorns stuck at her sides and hooves. But she had a clear and present goal; find
the central sprouting, and sever it. She clenched her teeth on the clipper between them, and steeled her every
fiber.
Fifteen minutes later.
"Okay, not what we had in mind, but it'll have to do! CHARGE!"
Carrot, carrying Dinky, came charging out of the house, shielded by desperation and armed with a feather duster!
Into a field covered in very much unmoving monster-plant remains.
"Wha? What happened here?", said Carrot as she screeched to a halt, flinging Dinky into the back of her head.
Dinky recovered faster than Carrot from that, and ran off searching for her any sign of her mother out there.
"Hey... Dinky! Come over here, muffin! Come to mama!", cried Derpy from underneath the largest pile of plantmatter.
She had more than a few cuts and bruises, and was covered in sap, but was otherwise fine.
Dinky sprinted towards Derpy and curled herself in the exposed face and frontleg of her mother.
"Mommy...", she said letting out breath she didn't know she was holding in, "..why did you go fight the monster all by yourself? We wanted to help..."
"I know Dinky, I know.", Derpy answered, "But you two always help me clean up any mess I make, and I wanted to un-mess-up
something by myself this once. It's very important that if you do something wrong, you can make it right again, or at least
are willing to try."
With the help of a recovered Carrot Top, Derpy was pulled out underneath the massive mound of misequinic monster-plant mess.
Dinky got a bright idea and ran inside to get the first aid kit when she saw the cuts and bruises.
Looking at the carnage she had wrought on her friend's land, Derpy dropped down flat on the ground with her ears flopped.
"I'm so sorry, Carrot... I just wanted to try growing something myself and... and I screwed up again and I don't know what
we're going to do with all this... and... and..and."
Carrot laid down next to Derpy.
"Shhh. It's okay.", she said. "Sometimes I want to do something else than farming too. And you gave me the chance for that
last week, remember? It's good work, delivering mail, but my passion lies right here on the farm." She stuck out a hoof
for emphasis.
Emphasis on the giant carnivorous plant and wrecked surroundings.
Both ponies pondered this for a moment, then burst out laughing.
After a few moments of laughter, Carrot continued: "But seriously girl, it's been an experience for the both of us, but I
think we both already know what we want to do for real. Though I have to admit there's no way I could've grown something
this big this fast."
Derpy answered: "I just wish it was something else than a giant green ponyvore... What are we going to do with the remains?"
The idea came to them a few minutes later, as Dinky attempted to attain her cutie mark in first aid (no success) and
accidentally got some of the sap on her tongue.
EPILOGUE
If there was one thing the villagers of Ponyville were especially good at, it was spreading word-of-mouth. In a short amount
of time, Carrot had gathered most ponies with any kind of food-preparation skills together for the enormous ordeal. That
evening, the ponies of Ponyville ate a feast like that on the best of holidays. Every pony who had taken part in the sudden
event felt pride in whatever they had cooked up with the mysterious special ingredient, from soups to stews to slices.
But on the end of one of the tables sat the pony who undoubtably felt the most proud of it all, as she saw her daughter
eagerly devour plate after plate of the food she had grown herself.
Of all her screwups, this one felt the best.