Clash of the /fic/ers

by Kronos

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Tragedy, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Romance, Princess Luna
Length: 2190

In the depths of the night, Woona gets a fright...

In the depths of the night, Woona gets a fright...

A /fic/ improv collab. See thread for details.

http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/117395.html

Published 2012-08-26 08:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-26 08:44:01 UTC

On my command, unleash hell!

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria there was a very pretty pony Princess, but she was extremely cute and adorable. Her name was Woona—not to be confused with ‘Woona,’ the Barsoomian dog. Woona was a transsexual. She looked pretty in pink, a little too pretty in fact. She was a sweet transvestite from canterlot.

“Celestia, does my flank look big in this?” Luna asked, shaking his enormous plot back and forth.

“Why yes, it does,” Celestia replied. “And what a nice flank it is.”

“You noticed,” he giggled, his nubile cheeks turning red—all four of them. Luna noted the scented candles, her suspicions aroused.

At that moment, Big Mac walked in. And then they fucked. the end—but that would be spoiling it.

“I’ve come to fix the pipes,” he chimed in. “And I’ve brought a convenient pizza.”

“Extra-large with sausages?” The pretty princess asked.

“Eeyup.”

His teeth glinted in the moonlight. The shimmering moonlight, that shines way up above. He talked with his echo he walked with his shadow, but where was the transvestite he loved?

“Blood,” he whispered into Woona’s ear, licking it tenderly.

Then Rainbow Dash the vampire-pegasus flew in. “Hi, I’m Dashie!” And she bit Big Macintosh on the neck, killing him instantly and draining him of all his blood. But then he stood back up.

“Ohai dash” Zombie Macintosh said to the mysterious mare.

Suddenly, Pattycakes Fluttershy burst into the room! “Look at my horse!” she chanted. “My horse is amazing!”

Luna the sweet transvestite gave it a lick. It almost... almost tasted like raisins.

A flash of light signalled the arrival of Bob the Brony. Oh yeah, Bob was also a serial killer.

The gleaming moonlight cast in mac’s gaze through a superconductor of magnitude VII was electrically absorbed by luna’s raisin horn. The mere act shook the castle and made it fall down to pieces, lustless and decomposing pieces and all pigs fly. “Brother, I hurt people. I am heavy weapons scout.” “This is seriously getting out of control!”scout said, hammering big mac.

“why must we always resort to kinky sex?” the itty bitty luna asked, while looking at THE BEES OH NOT THE BEES

ALL OVER MY EYES

AAAAAHHH

“Blame it on the equines.” Celestia said, sky-rimming dash the vampire.

I am he and you are he and we are he and we are all together

and what about me and my blue collars?

JUICE SPRINGSTEEN.

Luckily Captain Underpants was there to save the day.

“I banish you to hell demons,” he said, making a crucifix with the severed sausages of Big Mac and Woona.

“Wait a minute,” Celestia said. “Did you just summon a bunch of sausages in one turn?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s against the porno rules, isn’t it?” she purred.

“SCREW THE PORNO RULES,” Big Mac declared. “I have HUGE COCK.”

“Aaaaand it’s gone,” Celestia said, looking intensely at mac’s crotch and incinerating his enormous dick.

“They’re eating her!” Celestia screamed as Luna licked her flanks. “And then they’re going to eat me! Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOD!” And then they ate her for plagiarizing Troll 2.

A funeral to the fly was held that day. Thousands of spiders were slain.

Spitfire landed and, with a broom, swept up the remains of Celestia’s vegetable corpse. “Oh, hi Dashie!” she said to The Cyan Pegasus as she shoved the bits onto the royal balcony.

“Mmmyes.” Bob said, sipping his tea.

“Hey, Spits! You’re looking a bit dirty now, how about joining me for a shower?” Dash eyed her. Spitfire dropped her broom and they flew into the royal bathroom. Dash turned the faucet on and they were both about to start, but they realized that neither of them know how two mares did it. So, they turned on the computer and opened up Netscape and Opera AT THE SAME TIME! However, Pinkie Pie had left open her Best Of: Nicholas Cage open. “Put the bunny in the box!” she had said to them. Spitfire started reading the his filmography page as Dash started licking her chest.

OH GOD. NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAGH.” WE ALREADY HAVE THE BEES THIS IS BEES 2 THE RETURN OF THE REVENGE OF BUMBLEBEDORE. Again with the kinky sex, because Bumbledore uses laser dildos. Seriously, how is it possible to anus?

Spitfire got bored of reading and closed the webbrowser. But she was using SPITFIRE, which is kind of the pony version of firefox, with more pony. We need more poni. So they went to Pony-imageboard #34 and Dash’s wings quickly expanded when she saw all the pictures of PONE PORN and the Mormons. But mostly because she saw pictures of herself. She pushes Spitfire away from the computer and started clopping to all the images of herself she could find.

“Do what you want ‘cos a pirate is free, you are a pirate,” sang the robot astronaut... from SPACE. “SPACE! oh my god oh my god oh my god I’m in space. Space. bopbopbopbopbopbop space space. Why me space? because you’re the best. I’m the best at space? Yes.“ “Luna are you space?”.And then Luna and the space core had some weird kinky electrical core sex. They both downloaded every flight podcast in existence and watched it. In space. On the moon. It has great Wi-fi. “It’s a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake. If the way is hazy.”

Did someone say Sea Ponies?

“SHOO BE DOO, MOTHERBUCKERS! SHOO BE FUCKIN’ DOO,” said seapony Samuel L. Jackson. “CALL UPON THE SEA PONIES WHEN YOU’RE IN DISTRESS!”

“I’VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING SEAPONIES IN MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANE.” And then he took out a lightsaber and slashed Woona in half. Fortunately, each half reformed into its own gender, and then they fucked. They both shouted “I CAME” when they finished and completely covered the room with their splooge, which made the whole room able to hold portals. They had fun by bending reality in various shapes and sizes, while at the same time fisting each other with two portal guns. Which resulted in some serious bodily harm, vital testing apparatus being torn apart and destroyed, and then they went to the hospital to get molested by Dr. Mario.

Big mac made his cave johnson impression while sticking the portal gun to his dick. after latching it to his engorged member. Resulting in yet more bodily harm. These ponies have serious sexual death wishes. That’s what makes guro so enticing! Actually no, it ‘s horrible.

And then Lyra was in the Mafia. She snapped her flipper threateningly. Dash and Spitfire leapt back in shock. Gdoc rape ensued. Dash held the green fruits above Spitfire’s head and she extended her tongue to take the bottom one. The fiery orange Wonderbolt swallowed the grape whole. “Can I have another, Dashie?” she asked.

“Sure!” Dash put one in her mouth and lowered her face to Spitfire’s. They pressed their lips together and Dash pushed the grape into Spitfire’s mouth. Spitfire actually chewed the grape this time. She savored the flavor in her mouth and gulped.

Comic sans sucks ass.

And then Prince Nightblood Crimson Epic Magic Raven appeared, because he’s awesome. He was a ten-foot tall alicorn, with giant bat wings, and a dick that was at least five hundred feet tall, because WHO NEEDS A SENSE OF SCALE. ALSO, ASUDDEN ALICORN OC APPEARED. HE HAD CANCER. The rest was surprisingly PG NC-17, BITCHES rated. OH COME ON. *Sweetie belle*

Derpy came over to Prince Nightblood Crimson Epic Magic Raven because I love typing that out it makes me feel special like mommy says and then she turned into Princess Queen Empress Nightshade Poemy Lurker Rain (ORIGINAL OC DONUT STEEL), and then they made out. With tonguez.

FURSONAS

FURSONAS EVERYWHERE

RUN FOR THE HILLS

RUUUUN

“C’mere, Dashie!” Spitfire dove at Rainbow Dash. Dash caught her in the air and they flew off into the distance.

AND THEN Celestia said, “hiiiiii, kidssssss.” Because everyone’s younger than her. (get it. she’s a foalcon. lolololol. )

Crookedtrees/railgunner/thatguy come into the scene and started drawing ponies fucking. And with ponies fucking I mean fucking in weird fucking positions and with capes and muzzlebleeds, even though i totally know how you can get a raging boner from nuzzlebleeds. It’s blood. Does guro turn you on? sheesh. Anyway Then he got a hard time and quit then took another name from he list of “random names I have to add to piss off people” and drew some good ol’ foalcon. me loves me crookedtrees. This was written by uhhh 462 anyway. yep. can’t see me. I’m like a shadow you know. Crawling in the dark. I also like pop tarts.

And then Finn the human planted his hand on Celesia’s sunny flank. He was so sexy and then he made out with Cadance, and Shining Armor was jealous, but it was okay, because Flinn was really really hot, and so they had a threesome and it was so smexy.

“Moist, moist, moist. Don’t you just hate that word?” Twilight asked, seeing how many spoons she could fit up her nose. She found that she could fit a rather obscene number of them up there.

“LEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE,” Pinkie declared, sausage in her mouth. “LEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE.” She thought for a moment. “Also: giggity.”

“Quite.” I said, sipping my butterscotch. It’s scotch, but with butter. Also trixie is best pinecone.

And to no one’s particular surprise, Trixie showed up on the scene (Pinecones!) and there was Twixie, Twixie everywhere. And the glorious amount of twixie made twixies come out fo the walls. The walls BECAME twixie bars and twilight and trixie together eradicated world hunger and AIDS. And that was good.

“Twilight, I have herpes,” Trixie exclaimed.

“My book says there’s a really good cure for that,” said Twilight, smirking evilly. “It involves me giving you AIDS.”

And then everyone beat her up because GAWD TOO SOON TWILIGHT. There was AIDS in the pool. also, she was a newfag.

Suddenly, TARDIS crashed down near Twilight and Doctor((cause we need a Doctor Whooves cameo)) stepped out of it. He slapped Twilight.

“I can’t buck you when you look like that. I’m gonna have to go back in time now and ruin your childhood. AGAIN.”

POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTISPENCER HERE

they all looked at the rare POOTISbird flying majestically into the air. Its dance was enthralling, like a painting made by the greatest artist who had ever lived. It was so beautiful it blocked the sun. TWICE. WIthout the aid of old spice! Man I love that guy. he’s Hawt. that’s 462, not me saying this. nope.

“Spike, you’re so sexy when you speak like Madonna.” Granny Smith died while saying this. Spike was okay with the new circumstances; he made the most of them.

SPIKE FARTED. Everyone laughed. Spike cryed and cut his wrists while singing Kumbaya and screaming “CRAWLING IN MY SKIN” with his two voices.

ZUTARA. that’s how badass it is. The wat slips inside your bloodstream from your hair.

The spy watched them closely as he masturbated to the royal flank. He ate a peach and came anti-freeze. how does one become a poni?

First you poni the poni, then you poni poni.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m sorry for the other night. It was just a one time thing. Philomena’s just so hot. I couldn’t resist.

I’m so alone!

- Your faithful and lonely student, Twilight Spankle.

P.S. I really like to watch your flank at night. Lickety. please send me some pics. A video would be ideal. Please respond.

Twilight got bored and decided to rent tickets to the My Little Dashie opera. On the way, though, she got hit by a car—I mean, buffalo (BECAUSE THIS IS WITH HORSES RIGHT). Derpy saw her and took her to the hospital, where she waited in line behind a drunk donkey in a wheelbarrow, a stallion who had a kebab mysteriously stuck in his urethra, and a line of fifty ponies with cancer. Cancer had recently become a contagious disease in Ponyville. In front of the line stood dead Applejack (BEST BACKGROUND PONI) with Canadian dildo stuck in her nose and she was SO PRETTYFUL.

“Dead Zombie Luna Applejack, how did you get here?” Twilight shouted to the front of the line. Then the ponies with cancer stared back at her. The stallion with the skewered hotdog emitted a groan. ((Are we nearing completion?)) “Lol,Dunno” 4502 said.

“Delaying care for these others has brought part of life back to me. My surgery is nearing completion, and soon I will be fully restored to life.”

Then the cancer ponies Agent-Smith-piled Woona. (dammit whyedit) The end.

But was it really the end?

And they woke up and it was all a dream. After realizing that, they fucked.

Bravely bold 8073 rode forth to fimfiction, he was not afraid of ban,oh brave sir 8073. He was not at all afraid to be kicked in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave sir 8073.

Fin.

MintyRest:
Where's Celestia's sun?

Anonymous:
oh hai minty

Anonymous:
Burning. Oh wait...