Gays Upon My Gems

by SigmasonicX

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Pony Life, Main 6
Length: 3698

Rarity drinks a potion and finds her friends are now acting strange around her. Surely this is unrelated.

After a successful day of work, Rarity has a celebratory potion. Immediately after, her friends all start awkwardly hitting on her. Surely this is unrelated.

Rated T for innuendo.

Made with a lot of help from Monochromatic's Discord server.

Cover art is an edit of a shot from the Pony Life opening, changing two gems to be orange and green for a full rainbow.

Written for the Pride and Positivity event. You can help out too by donating to a charity at one of these links.
Black Lives Matter - Where to Donate
Support Black People MasterDoc

Published 2020-07-12 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-12 23:50:01 UTC

Also Bis Upon My Gems

The bell at the entrance of Sugarcube Corner rang in the early afternoon. Pinkie Pie looked up from behind the counter and waved her hoof as Rarity proudly walked inside, head raised high and taking easy steps.

“Wow Rarity, you’re practically glowing!” said Pinkie. “Guessing you had a good day.”

Rarity sat on a stool. “Yes, it’s been a wonderful day. Business deals wrapped up in my favor, all immediate commissions done and delivered—with hefty tips too—and now I have my entire afternoon before me.”

Pinkie motioned to the case behind her. “Celebratory potion, then?”

Rarity smiled. “Oh yes, please. I’d also like a milkshake, extra large.”

Pinkie nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. After several moments of whirring, she returned to the counter.

“Heeere’s your milkshake!” Pinkie said, sliding a tall glass of it to Rarity. She then reached into the case behind her. “And here is your potion!”

Rarity examined the ornate yellow bottle passed to her. “Ooh, this has sparkle symbols on it. Perhaps I’ll get a magic boost like a certain princess.”

Pinkie leaned forward. “Or maybe you’ll get straight striped hair!”

Rarity nonchalantly shrugged. “If that happens, I’ll make it work.” She popped the cap off and chugged it down in a perhaps unladylike way, but this was the proper way to drink a potion, after all. She sighed in satisfaction, then took a sip of her milkshake, humming in delight. “You really outdid yourself this time, Pinkie!”

Pinkie smiled with closed eyes. “Thank you! So how about that potion? Feel anything yet?”

Rarity put a hoof to her chin. “Hmm. No, I don’t feel anything. Magic seems the same. You don’t see a difference in my mane, do you?”

Pinkie hummed as she looked over Rarity, moving her head side to side. “No, your mane looks as curly cute as ever.” She paused and her expression shifted to a warm smile. “Hey Rarity, do you mind if I sit with you while you drink your milkshake?”

“Go right ahead, Pinkie. I’ll gladly enjoy your company.”

Before Rarity could finish, Pinkie zoomed around the counter to the seat next to her. Rarity smiled in greeting and sipped her drink, waiting for Pinke to start a conversation. She savored the milkshake in her mouth and smacked her lips. She took another sip. Still nothing from Pinkie.

Rarity turned to see Pinkie staring at her with a wide smile and wider eyes. Bemused, she smiled back. “Do you see something you like?”

Pinkie’s expression turned serious and she slammed the table. “Rarity, eat my pie!”

The unicorn blinked. “I’m sorry?”

Pinkie’s mouth crinkled up and she blushed furiously. She disappeared in a cloud of smoke then returned before it dispersed, with a slice of cherry pie. “This! This slice is all lonely by itself and needs to be eaten. That’s what I meant, not anything else.”

Rarity looked at it. “Well, I wasn’t planning on any more dessert, but today is worth celebrating, I suppose. I shall eat your pie, as you put it.”

Pinkie pumped her hoof. “NOICE.”

Rarity raised her eyebrow and the earth pony jumped out of her seat, sweating. “I mean, let’s go upstairs and do the horizontal tango! Wait, no! Vertical tango right here, that’s what I mean!” Pinkie proceeded to get on her hind legs and wildly moved around in a dance that certainly wasn’t the tango.

Rarity giggled as she watched her friend jump around. “I daresay, Ms. Pie, you’re acting more Pinkie than ever today. I’d have much rather drank whatever potion you must have had earlier. Though actually, I remember I was supposed to visit Fluttershy to pet her animals soon. Could I have this pie to go?”

While still dancing, Pinkie took the pie and placed it in a to-go box.

Rarity hopped off her seat, levitating the box and her milkshake. “Splendid! I’ll be off, then!”

Pinkie slid to Rarity and grabbed her legs. “Please! Let me come with!”

The unicorn smiled. “Oh of course! I’m sure those animals wouldn’t turn down more petting. Though what about Sugarcube Corner?”

Pinke immediately flipped the open sign to closed, boarded up the windows and doors, unplugged all appliances, turned off the lights, then sat on the ground in front of Rarity, looking at her with wide eyes. “Store’s closed, I only bake for you now.”

Rarity frowned and looked around. “I’d be more worried if I didn’t think you could undo this in a second. It probably is for the best that you stay with me until this potion wears off, so come along.”

“I’ll definitely come with you, Rarity.” Pinkie’s eyes widened. “No, I mean! Augh! Let’s go!” She ran out, breaking down the door.

Rarity shook her head and followed after her.

The unicorn sipped her milkshake, then looked around with an eyebrow raised. “Does Rainbow Dash seem odd to you today, Pinkie?”

Pinkie walked behind Rarity, her eyes glued straight ahead. “What do you mean?”

On cue, Rainbow hovered across their path, wearing a black jacket and sunglasses. “Ay gurl, I’m gonna smash those diamonds so hard they become… uh, diamonds.” There was an awkward pause, then she drifted away, pointing feathers at Rarity and saying, “Pew pew pew pew!”

Rarity continued trotting. “That’s the third time she’s done that this walk. The jacket and sunglasses are new, though.”

Pinkie smiled. “I’d like to see you smashed between graham crackers… with chocolate…” She started drooling a bit. “All melted…” Her eyes widened. “No, wait, I don’t really want that! Now, on a totally unrelated note, do you know an artist that takes commissions?”

Taking this in stride, Rarity responded, “If you’re still interested tomorrow, I’d be happy to hook you up with somepony. For now, we’ve about arrived.” They crossed the bridge to Fluttershy’s cottage, but Rarity continued past the entrance. “The animals she wanted petting should be out back. Come along.”

“I’ll definitely come with—”

“You said that already, dear,” Rarity said with narrow eyes.

As they walked around the corner, Rarity announced, “Fluttershy, darling, I’m here! Pinkie’s here too! Also Rainbow Dash, maybe.”

Fluttershy had her back to them as she corralled a flamingo into a line with several other furry and feathery creatures. Without turning, she said, “Hold on, I’ve almost got it set up.”

Realization struck Rarity. “Wait, Fluttershy, stop! Don’t move!”

The pegasus instinctively started to turn regardless, but Rarity used magic to hold her in place. “Rarity? What’s going on?”

She approached her friend and said, “Do you feel strange at all?”

“Strange how?”

“Like do you feel the impulse to say something along the lines of, ‘Ay gurl, check out the bees on that bonnet!’ or make a borderline lewd statement then walk it back?”

Rarity could see Fluttershy’s blush even from behind. “What? No! I’d never do something like that!”

“Have you had any potions today?”

“No, not even the one I usually have with my tea.”

The unicorn considered this for a second, then released her hold. Fluttershy turned to her with a confused expression, and Rarity explained, “Sorry, both Pinkie and Rainbow seem to have drank potions that are making them act strangely. Just take a look at Pinkie right now.” Rarity motioned to the earth pony, whose mouth was shut and whose eyes followed every movement of Rarity’s tail. “I was worried you have too, but you seem normal.”

Rarity turned to look at the start of the animal lineup with a smile. “So, I just start there and keep petting? My, what a wonderful way to relax.”

“Y-yes, just start there and pet every animal in line,” she responded with a flustered voice.

Rarity trotted to the weasel at the start and rubbed her head, getting a whistle in appreciation. She moved onto a friendly toucan who chittered as she stroked his feathers. Next was a yellow pegasus pony with pink hair, laying down and wagging her tail in anticipation.

The unicorn looked down at Fluttershy with a squint. “Seriously, darling?”

A mare yelled from behind Rarity, “Now hold on a darn tootin’ second!”

Fluttershy shrank down to the size of a mouse in surprise, and Rarity turned around to see Applejack standing with her chest up and a serious expression on her face.

“Applejack!” exclaimed Rarity. “What are you doing here?”

She stepped forward. “I followed Rainbow Dash after noticing how strange she was acting, but now that I’ve seen what’s going on here, everything makes sense. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, you need to leave Rarity alone! Your attempts to woo her ain’t gonna work!”

Rarity sighed in relief. “A bit harsh, but I’m glad somepony is being the voice of reason.”

Applejack stomped her hoof. “That’s because it’s pointless! The author of this here fic is a RariTwi stan, and he’ll never allow any of us to be with Rarity!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Pinkie Pie turned to Applejack and booed. “There you go, talking about things that don’t make sense again! This is real life, not a fic! And that means I still have a chance to woo Rarity!” She blushed and turned to the mare in question. “Not that that’s what I’m doing!”

Fluttershy, still tiny, flew up to Applejack’s eye level. “I’m not going to give up until Rarity pets me, and more!”

Applejack stammered in surprise, but then stomped again. “If y’all ain’t giving up after hearing that, then, well, Momma didn’t raise no quitter!”

Rarity frowned with gritted teeth and sank her head to the ground. “I’m starting to think the potion I drank wasn’t so ineffective after all.”

Pulling out a guitar, Applejack said, “I’m gonna play the song my mom wrote for my dad. If this doesn’t break the chains of destiny, then nothing will!” She raised her hoof to the sky. “Mom! Dad! Lend me your power!”

She strummed on the guitar and before she could get a word in, Pinkie Pie shouted, “Oh yeah? While you sit there and sing, I’ll be doing the horizontal—err, diagonal tango with Rarity!” She then angrily danced to the music.

Ignoring this, Applejack sang, “We're far apart in every way…”

Fluttershy meekly flew in front of Rarity’s face and said, “Uh, Rarity, do you mind maybe petting me, please?”

In response, Rarity rolled her eyes and snorted right as Applejack sang, “And sure as I breathe the air,” blowing Fluttershy away. She bumped into Pinkie, who fury flossed her away.

Adding to the chaos, Rainbow Dash flew into the scene and said, “Ay gurl, wanna pitch these ditches and come with me? We’ll have a real good time.” She pointed with her feathers again.

Fluttershy suddenly returned to her normal size, staring at Rainbow as if in a trance. “Another pegasus… competition! My primal instincts are activating!”

At this, her fur stood up and she fluffed up her feathers. She flapped her wings and called out, “F’roo! F’roo! Caw cawcawcawcaw!” bobbing her head and walking in rhythm.

This made Pinkie stop in her tracks. “I can’t believe it! Is Fluttershy really doing the pegasus mating dance?”

Applejack stopped singing and replied, “Yeah, pretty sure that isn’t a thing.”

Rainbow landed and scratched her hoof against the ground. “I don’t know anything about a mating dance, but I’m not going to back down!”

Rainbow spread out her feathers and cawed, but this only served to encourage Fluttershy. She puffed up further, almost becoming a ball of fluff. Both pegasi cawed at each other, then Pinkie started dancing between them, then Applejack resumed her song at, “On a prickly path that goes on for miles…” then finally—

“Enough!” Rarity shouted, standing on her back legs with her front legs raised up. She landed on all fours with a smash. “I am going to go back to Sugarcube Corner,” she hissed, “I am going to find the potion I drank, and I’m going to make Twilight reverse it, and in the meantime, all of you just stay here!”

The other girls sat quietly, and nodding, Rarity ran off.

Once she was out of sight, Applejack threw down her hat and said, “Aha! I just knew she’d go to Twilight in the end!” She sulked. “Not that I’m happy to be right.”

Twilight took a tiny bit of the potion and slowly, carefully, dropped it into the solution before her. The color shifted ever so slightly, then the newly formed chemical flowed through a spiraling tube into another solution, then another, until finally a clear solution dripped onto a small glass pane, which she proceeded to lift with magic and place inside a large device. It beeped and sputtered, until finally it printed out a paper with wavy graphs. Twilight took it in hoof and gazed at it with a serious expression.

Rarity watched all this carefully, making sure Twilight didn’t look at her. She took a slow sip of her milkshake and licked her lips.

After a minute, Twilight’s posture relaxed and she looked back with a smile. “Rarity, good news—”

Rarity acted quickly, using magic to turn her head back with enough force to be painful if Twilight hadn’t relaxed her neck. “Don’t look at me!”

Twilight laughed lightly. “No, don’t worry. Now that I understand what’s going on, I can resist the potion’s effects.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “You’re sure?”

“You’re free to smack me with your couch if I’m wrong.”

Rarity hummed, and after a second, released her hold on Twilight’s head. The princess turned around, and indeed, as far as Rarity could tell, she didn’t look to be going into the odd craze the others did.

Twilight grinned. “Rarity, the tests confirm it. You aren’t cursed, or under the influence of a love potion, or anything like that.”

Rarity blinked. “What? But how’s that possible? Why’s everyone acting so strange, then?”

“Allow me to demonstrate.”

Twilight pulled out from behind the device a plushie unicorn with white fur and a curly purple mane. Rarity raised an eyebrow, then Twilight blushed and stammered, “It’s Spike’s! I swear!” Rarity’s eyebrow remained raised, but she nodded to proceed.

The princess let out a breath and then applied a few drops of the potion to the plushie. Magic fizzled on contact and Rarity stared, keeping track of her thoughts and emotions, watching for any sudden attraction. Seconds passed, and the unicorn didn’t feel any different. “So, what does the potion do?”

“Just watch.” Twilight clapped her hooves together twice and the lights turned off. She then clicked on a flashlight and shined it on the plushie.

Rarity squinted. “What exactly am I looking for?”

“If I move the light around a bit, it’ll be easier to see. Tell me, does anything at all stand out to you?”

The light bounced off the plushie in ways that didn’t match the expected material, though the effect was so minor that Rarity wouldn’t have brought it up if she noticed anything else at all. “I think I see just a bit of glitter on plush-me’s tush.”

Twilight brought the light to her face and nodded in approval. “Now take a look at your own tush,” she said, lightly blushing and shifting her eyes afterward.

The flashlight moved to Rarity, and her eyes followed as it moved to her cutie mark. Light reflected off of bits of it. “Good heavens, I have glitter too!” The unicorn narrowed her eyes. “Hold on a second. Is this really all the potion did?”

Twilight clapped her hooves twice and the lights turned back on, Rarity blinking in response. “Yup, I’ve done an extensive analysis of it, and the only thing the potion does is make your flank glitter a bit. Not even that much.”

Rarity stomped her hoof. “But Twilight, there has to be more to it! Rainbow keeps making wing guns, and Fluttershy keeps fluffing herself up, and Applejack keeps bringing up her dead parents, and Pinkie keeps saying all these non-Pinkie things! All this happened as soon as I took the potion. What in Equestria is going on?”

Twilight’s mouth twisted, then she looked away, and eventually she sighed. Turning back to Rarity, she said, “It all comes to this, Rarity. You are a very attractive mare.”

Despite herself, Rarity flicked her mane. “Why thank you, darling, but that was true before.”

“No, you don’t understand. You’re a seriously sexy mare. Like I’ve been talking to the other girls, and all of us are in a constant state of forcing ourselves not to pay attention to how hot you are, otherwise we’d all turn to mush. However, that bit of glitter draws our eyes to your flank without us consciously realizing why, and that’s enough to break through the years of resistance we’ve all built up! That’s why all the girls have suddenly turned into lovestruck fools.”

Rarity took a moment to parse all this, and then a moment more. She blinked. “So, you’re telling me that I could have gotten the same effect with some sparkles on my bum?”

Twilight nodded solemnly.

The unicorn put a hoof on her forehead. “Honestly, this is a lot to take in. Well, I mean, all my friends being attracted to me isn’t so out there, I suppose. In fact, it’s what I expect.”

She moved her hoof to her cheek, pulling on her fur, and furrowed her eyebrows. “What I find harder to accept is that this is how my friends would normally court me. The idea that there isn’t a potion making them act this way… it’s just inconceivable!”

She noticed Twilight sitting there, diverting her eyes as soon as Rarity looked at her.

“Do you have something to say, dear?”

Twilight blushed. “Rarity…” She stepped forward, keeping a knee lifted. “Can I be that Sparkle on your bum?”

Rarity gave her a flat look. “Darling.”

That evening, Rarity had all her suitors of the day gather in Sugarcube Corner and sit at the counter. The unicorn stood and walked along the lineup.

“Well. Now that the glitter potion has worn off, I think it’s time to have a serious talk about what happened today. First of all, do any of you deny that your earlier actions reflect your real feelings?”

The girls hummed and hawed, rubbing the backs of their heads, but eventually all shook their heads no.

Rarity continued, “Despite how, well, annoying today has been, it did serve to finally expose everypony’s feelings. I won’t lie, I have no small amount of attraction toward all of you too. In fact, I’ve often dreamed of all of us being in a relationship together.”

The girls leaned forward with sparkling eyes and open mouths.

“Alas, today has shown that dating all five of you would be a nightmare.”

They immediately frowned and slouched.

Rarity stopped at the center of the lineup. “However, I have decided I will date one of you. I could make this a dramatic reveal—” she lazily waved a hoof “—but I’m tired, so it’s Twilight.”

Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy gasped and looked at Twilight. Her eyes shined bright and she couldn’t contain her smile.

Applejack snorted. “Totally called it.”

The princess took a few breaths to calm down, then asked, “What made you choose me?”

Rarity tilted her head. “Well, as I said, I am attracted to all of you, so it had to come down to something minor. Twilight, while you investigated the potion, I made sure you were turned away from me. That started out of necessity, but soon, it became more about the view.”

Twilight’s eyes turned up and to the right. “The view? What do you mean?”

“What I mean is you have a booty that just won’t quit, Ms. Sparkle, and I can stare at it all day long.”

Twilight’s face turned red. “Oh. Thank you.”

Rarity stepped toward her and Twilight squeaked. “Well then,” Rarity said with a sultry tone, “let’s get our relationship started right.”

Their lips approached, but then—

“Hold on a second!”

Fluttershy jumped from her seat, huffing and puffing up. She spread her wings and shouted, “F’roo! F’roo!”

Twilight shook her head. “Fluttershy, it’s over. Rarity made her choice, and—”

Fluttershy grew to an enormous size and fully transformed into a fluff monster. “F’ROO!” she boomed.

Twilight and the other suitors hid behind the counter, intimidated. Rarity, however, felt her heart beating and blood rushed to her face. She slowly stepped toward the giant pegasus and tentatively pressed her hoof against her fur.

The unicorn then jumped into the yellow fluff and buried her face in it. “You know what, I changed my mind. I choose Fluttershy.”

Peeking from behind the counter, Applejack laughed. “Huh, well I’ll be. This turned out to be a RariShy story in the end!”

Twilight groaned, getting a pat on the back from Pinkie.

Rarity climbed up to Fluttershy’s head and nuzzled her forehead.

Fluttershy smiled. “Yay.”

Author's Note

Sigmousse (SigmasonicX) 06/21/2020
Posting here too, I request that someone write a Rarity story called "Gays Upon My Gems"

kits, the useless (kits) 06/21/2020
NGL, I feel a bit bad for where my brain went first. Rarity drinks a potion and it makes anyone who looks at her cutie mark to turn super gay. And then I remembered it was Pride month and that feels like I've insulted people by having that thought. ;_;

Sigmousse 06/21/2020
I think you're fine

Schrödinger's bug (Lingo) 06/21/2020
It sounds fine as a comedy

Krebons, the Rarishy Infiltrator (Krebons12) 06/21/2020
The only problem with the premise is it assumes seeing Rarity's flanks as is wouldn't already turn a mare super gay

Sigmousse 06/21/2020
That'd be good as a twist
Potion wears off, turns out it was just plain old Rarity making everyone realize they're gay/bi

Krebons, the Rarishy Infiltrator 06/21/2020
All the potion itself did was make her cutie mark twinkle a tad

Schrödinger's bug 06/21/2020
Drew attention to it and gave ponies an excuse to stare

Sigmousse 06/21/2020
Yes, good, good