Four years. Close to 1500 days. And however many hours that is. And however many minutes THAT is. And however many--

I made an absolutely charming face as I felt my soul shrivel into my organs. Counting time in weird ways does that to a motherfucker. Right now, I needed to focus. I was floating in a delightful little pond I had picked out simply to enjoy my day. It's the little things that made the waiting worthwhile. Speaking of which, the sound of branches cracking underfoot told me it was that time of day!

It wasn't necessary for me to look up to know Gary - I'm sorry, "Mordred, Prince of Bluh buh bebe" - was panting and groaning in my direction again.

"Mother FUCKER!" he bellowed. "Eat THIS you FU-"

But we know how this ends, no need to rehash it in detail. Gun, lift, shoot, dead, see you tomorrow Gary.

He was slowing down finally. Maybe he was growing up at last? Maybe we was just getting depressed. It was kinda sad to be honest. The guy clearly wanted to live in a world where he made some sort of impact and had people looking up to him, but he just didn't get it. I hoped he would someday. If he wanted to be a badass, well, no shortage of monsters in the darkest depths of the Everfree - and even in other places! Maybe!

It occurred to me that in all my time in Equestria... well, that I had spent all my time IN Equestria. There was a whole world out there, and I had assigned myself to putting bullet in isekai'd man children with insane powers with my own insane childish powers. The irony of this kills me daily. Almost literally!

I cringe again, remembering the incident where Gary caught me howling and screaming, holding the gun to my head and desperately pulling the trigger only for nothing to come out because something something magic. All this because I spontenously realized one that that he was just like me! For real!

For real!

Gary was actually concerned for once! And I squandered the moment when I panicked and shot him.

Maybe he kept doing this because he had a grudge now? Ah, fuck, that might have been it. I made a mental note to talk to him next time.

The moment I did however, I heard something strange.

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

I leaned up, my butt hitting the bottom of the pond, sitting up in the water. That noise was...

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

A phone on vibrate? Coming from my jacket on the shore? Honestly, I didn't even remember having one of those - where the fuck would I use it? Where would I charge it? Who would I call? Who would call me? Someone was, apparently.

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

I scrambled, splashing through the water to my jacket and fishing the device from my pocket. Turning it on, I saw I had one new text message. I flicked it open and read it. It was simple enough. Some troubling notes.

Teleported to Equestria... chaos magic... different dimensions... way too many branches...

And a pair of names, spelled out like I knew them. I spent a few minutes staring at this report. Gary came back in that time - faster than usual.

"God DAMN it you--" he stopped, tilted his head and forewent the usual formalities between us. "That a fucking phone? You got service here?"

"No," I answered dimly, forgoing the process as well. "But I got a message."

"Oh..."

I nodded. He stood there. I was in boxers only during this, so it must have been awkward for him. It didn't occur to me that he had finally been tamed by the absurdity of this. I didn't care. I had a question on my mind.

"What the fuck kind of Harry Potter ass name is Gregory Greystone?"

And boy, was this probably the beginning of a truly stupid idea. Because it certainly wasn't yet another goddamn ending.

Author's Note

I like Endingverse stories, they're all over the damn place.

I actually peeked in here on a whim and saw I had a blank chapter ready just in case I felt like typing something.

Go read "I AM NEVER ENDING! GET IT CUZ THE ENDING VER-" because it's stupid but it's the stupid we love kind of stupid. Rinsed my single brain cell and got me to write a little bit.

Maybe I'll write about Camper being locked in a room with Jason Wright in four more years.

Stay hydrated.