Trigger Happy Equines

E V A D E P I X Y H O E S

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E P O X Y A D H E S I V E

“IT CONNECTS!”

“Epoxy adhesive!” I exclaimed, exasperated. “That’s how he did it!”

Mesmer’s stoic mask dropped for a split second, revealing his awe. “Yes,” he said quietly. “You’re right.”

“Excuse me!?” Inky cried. “What are you even talking about? Some poxy adhesive? I’m so confused right now.”

“It’s epoxy adhesive,” Elsie chimed in. “It uses two chemical compounds that are relatively useless on their own, but once they are meshed together they create a strong bond.” She pondered for a moment. “Yes, I see. If the epoxy adhesive was applied to the keycard a few minutes before, it wouldn’t actually have much effect and the compounds should still only harden when they meet each other. That way Shetland could have feasibly gotten the keycard ready while in the locker room and then simply grabbed it and rushed to Pinkie’s locker. Dr. Scalpel wouldn’t have been able to look inside the locker room herself, and both you and Copper were watching the stairwells. Oh, but there’s one thing about epoxy adhesives that I think we’re missing; Shetland wouldn’t have had time to methodically mesh the two ends of the cord together. Unless he had a way of applying significant pressure for an amount of time I’m still a little skeptical that it would stay stuck together at all.”

“That’s easy,” I said. “Shetland had something perfect for applying pressure while he was out of the area: Pinkie’s body. All he would have to do is place the ends of the cord under Pinkie’s head or back, and that would do the trick. Of course, it wouldn’t result in a perfect bond, which is why Dopple was able to yank it free.”

“Yes, I see now,” Elsie said. Her usual haughty demeanor was quickly erased. “Now that you mention it, I do remember seeing some epoxy adhesive in the MonoMart. I must say, I’m impressed,” she continued, smiling. “I didn’t think you’d know what epoxy adhesive even was, let alone figure out it must have been used in the murder. Have you experience in DIY?”

“Not really,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck. In truth, my experience was next to zero. The only reason I’d known about epoxy adhesive was from reading a horror novel by the name of ‘Castle by The Lake,’ in which a rich family refurbish an ancient stone castle against the wishes of the townsponies, who viewed it as an important historical relic. The community bands together and systematically murders each member of the family, with the police unable to prove any wrongdoing. In one of the early scenes there are some musings over putting up new shelves and wooden units, in which a stallion by the name of Dowel explains the uses and benefits of epoxy adhesives. I had never actually used any in my entire life.

“So it’s true?” Dish Panner said. “Shetland did all that?”

“It would explain everything thus far,” Dopple said. “At the beginning of this case, from my perspective, there were only four possible suspects: Shetland, Dr. Scalpel, Copper and Maribelle.

“Dr. Scalpel might have been the killer if not for the revelation of there being no accomplice. If she left the swimming area after Shetland she might have had a chance to move the body and could’ve kept the glue and keycard in her own locker, but there’s no way she could’ve manipulated the objects in such a way while outside the room as has been pointed out regarding unicorn telekinesis. She couldn’t have moved it while Shetland was with her, either.

“Copper cast suspicion on herself by leaving the group during the search, but since Dr. Scalpel closed the windows before this occurred and with there being no way of opening them from the outside she can be quickly written off as innocent.”

“And Maribelle would never kill anyone!” Button chimed in. “She’s too perfect!”

“Why thank you, my dear Button,” Maribelle said, smiling. “You’ve just earned yourself a friendly hug.”

“Yes!” Button cheered, his cheeks glowing red. “Can we do it in my room? Maybe in the shower?”

“I think what Dopple meant,” Copper said, “was that Maribelle wouldn’t have had the chance to reclaim Pinkie’s body due to Button racing into the swimming area. Being an earth pony, it would’ve been pretty difficult for her to put Pinkie’s body on the diving board.”

“A-also,” Reph said, timidly raising a hoof. “Dish Panner searched Maribelle’s clothes and found n-nothing on them, remember? She would’ve still had the adhesives tucked into her outfit. Isn’t that right?”

Dish Panner pulled her limbs inwards and stared at the floor, her complexion growing redder by the second. “That is true. I just, don’t wish to remember that encounter. It was far too much for my feeble heart to cope with.”

“But Dish Panner!” Button called. “I need to know! Write me a letter or draw me a picture. Something! Maybe a flip book that shows exactly what happened! Except draw me in your place, okay?”

“I know!” Inky exclaimed. “They were both so nervous to take their clothes off because they’re actually stallions in disguise!”

Button gasped. “That’s not true! It’s not, is it, Maribelle?”

“Oh, will you all stop this!” Monobunny blasted, landing a thunderous hit on his stool with a gavel strike. “You are completely derailing the trial! And for the record, I made it very clear which participants were male and female during the introductions. Imagine if someone here you thought was a mare was actually a stallion, and your favorite waifu turns out to be a guy-fu! What a twist that would be!”

Inky tapped her chin. “Is that a reference to something, or…?”

“Are you all as forgetful as you seem?” Shetland said, scowling. “I don’t think any of you realize what has just been said.”

“What!?” Elsie shrieked. “We know you’re the killer so just fess up!”

Shetland turned to her, cool as a cucumber. “I will admit that of the four suspects Dopple listed I appear to be the most suspicious, but I did not kill Pinkie Pie.”

“How can you say that?” Sanscript snapped.

“You’ve fabricated a very convincing story about me, but you’re forgetting two things: firstly, we should not be so accepting of Monobunny’s statements just because he claims to be honest. We’re locked up in here because of him, remember? Secondly, if Maribelle is off the hook because she was searched for items and came up clean…” Shetland’s gaze grew wild. “Why am I not considered innocent when I too was searched, and found to have nothing on me?”

There was a palpable silence. Now that Shetland had pointed it out, I remembered. While we were searching everyone’s rooms Shetland had removed his shirt and had his pocket inspected by Yoko. We could argue as to how his pocket was empty when he spoke to Scalpel next to the swimming pool, but this had now thrown a spanner in the works.

“I should’ve still had the adhesive tubes, correct? I couldn’t have left them in the locker room or they would’ve been found during the investigation. And just in case anyone tries to say I ate them, Monobunny made something else very clear during the tour of the MonoMart.”

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“As a side note, stashing away murder tools or hiding things by swallowing them is also disallowed! Otherwise we’d need to slice you open to find the clues and that just creates problems!”

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“Tell me,” Shetland continued, “what would happen if I decided to hide the offending items in my stomach?”

“I’d have to cut you open!” Monobunny said gleefully. “If the only way to come to a conclusion rested on knowing if vital clues were inside a suspect’s digestive system, I’d have to intervene in the quickest way possible, which means no waiting for a bowel movement! Unfortunately for anyone who tries this, I refuse to use anesthetic, so prepare for a world of pain!”

“Then do it!” Elsie demanded. “Anything to prove he’s the killer!”

“I don’t have to do that. Not a single one of you has swallowed any suspicious items, so it’s not necessary. And no cavity search is necessary either! I really shouldn’t have to point this stuff out but you lot are something else!” Monobunny crossed his arms in a huff.

“So then,” Shetland said, smiling, “where could I have hidden it? We checked the swimming area, we checked the grounds, we even checked everyone’s room. I had nothing in my shirt pocket, I didn’t swallow the adhesive that you’ve fabricated the existence of so confidently, and I have no mane with which to conceal anything. I’ve also had to spread my wings several times this morning, such as flying up to the roof and hovering while I broke Pinkie’s window, meaning I couldn’t have had anything tucked between my feathers or they would’ve fallen out.” He looked around the room assertively. “So once again, I insist, I could not have killed Pinkie Pie. You accept Monobunny’s honesty but you won’t accept the honesty of the most stalwart police officer in all of Equestria! I fight for the lives of innocents! I do everything to protect the peace! And you accuse me of killing Pinkie so that I can escape, leaving the rest of you to die here? How can you dare say that!? Do you know how many times I’ve put myself in danger to save others!?”

“I knew it!” Scalpel exclaimed joyfully, wiping a tear from her eyes. “I’m so sorry for doubting you, Shetland. I didn’t know what to think!”

“I forgive you, Doctor. Every single one of us is in a dire situation so it’s not a surprise I came under suspicion.”

“Well it does seem eerily coincidental,” Sanscript said. “You were the one who organized the search, you were the one who decided that only two of you should look inside the swimming area while others were in groups of three, and I suspect that emptying your pocket in front of the Doctor was an attempt to remove suspicion from yourself. I also fail to see the point in Greyscale and Copper watching the stairwells, even if there was a chance of Pinkie moving between the floors.”

“That was my suggestion,” Copper said, raising a hoof. “It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that I think about it, you’re right. The four of us should have searched the swimming area together, that way nobody could have a moment alone.”

“Regardless of your thoughts,” Shetland said, “I fervently insist that I did not kill Pinkie, and the gaping hole in this outlandish theory is proof of it. I had no suspicious items while I spoke to Dr. Scalpel and the same goes for when Yoko inspected my clothing and badge. I didn’t swallow any tubes of glue and we searched the dome from top to bottom. It sounds to me like you’ve fabricated a fantastical scenario like mere foals. Need I remind you all that our lives are on the line?”

Copper looked at me concernedly. “Is there really nothing else you can think of?”

I sighed weakly and shook my head. “No.”

Shetland snorted. “Then be done with it!”

Reph groaned and dropped to the floor. “B-but where do we go from here?”

“Wait,” Dopple piped up. “Let us be sure. Shetland has made a good argument, but we can’t simply dismiss the thought that he could’ve hidden the evidence in some other way. Given that the case so far has pointed to Shetland rather convincingly up to this point, we must at least consider the possibility.”

“I agree,” Yoko said. “I still find it hard to imagine the windbag killing poor Pinkie, but there could be something we’ve missed.”

“Do as you wish,” Shetland said smugly. “Then once you’ve exhausted all your ideas we can get to properly solving the case.”

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to concentrate. The theory that I’d considered to be flawless was crumbling around me. I had been so sure, so confident, so adamant that I had it figured out. I couldn’t even remember the last time in my life I had felt so sure of myself, and it turns out that once again, I’m just a nobody.

I’d simply assumed Shetland had managed to hide the glue (which was an incorrect deduction to begin with) somewhere. I hadn’t even given it thought as to where. We didn’t find the adhesives during the investigation so unless there was a surefire way of doing so I would have no leg to stand on. But just as Dopple had said, it didn’t make any sense for Scalpel, Copper or Maribelle to be the killer, and nobody else could’ve possibly had the means to do it. Or maybe I’m wrong, I thought glumly. Maybe the killer is someone I hadn’t even considered. I became overpowered by self-doubt.

“Greyscale?”

I looked up. It was Dopple. “Y-yeah?”

“We’ll need your input too,” she said softly, looking determined.

I couldn’t understand how she could be so supportive of a failure like me. It must be nothing but pity, I thought. Just this once I would rather be hated than pitied. “Sure,” I said unenthusiastically. I took a deep breath. I was completely out of ideas and ready to allow everyone else to take my fate into their hooves. If only there was a clue. If only…

Truth Bullets

Pinkie’s Room

State of The Body

Male Lockers

Pinkie’s Towel

Inky’s Account

Dish Panner: Is there any way Shetland could have stashed away the evidence after leaving the locker room?

Reph: Could there have been some way to trick Yoko while his clothes were searched? Maybe through misdirection?

Yoko: No way! I was very thorough, and it was all done in front of a crowd!

Copper: As an illusionist I’ve got ample experience with close-up magic and concealment. A common method for pegasi is to hide it among their feathers, but from what I saw, I don’t think it was that.

Inky: Then did he leave it back in the swimming area?

Scalpel: If that were the case, we would’ve found it during the investigation.

Elsie: Couldn’t it have been disposed of in one of the rooms? Say, by flushing it down the toilet?

Sanscript: How? We checked each of the rooms as a group. Someone would have noticed.

Button: Maybe it was outside the hotel.He could’ve flown to someplace while no-one was looking!

Reph: B-but he was leading the search the entire time.

Maribelle: We searched everywhere we possibly could.It simply can’t have just vanished into thin air.

Scalpel: Right. And he couldn’t have planted it on anyone else.

Shetland: What did I tell you? It would’ve been impossible!

Wait. Something was said just now that changes everything. I’ve figured out how Shetland did it!