Trigger Happy Equines

“YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE!”

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“It was Yoko. He headed straight in after we climbed the stairs.”

"Wait, hang on!" Button cried. "You're telling me that Yoko set this whole thing up on himself?"

"No, no," Copper muttered, shaking her head. "That can't possibly be right. What would he even be thinking? Even if he'd wanted to take his own life, there's like a million other ways to do it. Not to mention, everything we've discussed so far points to it being perpetrated by a unicorn. Yoko wouldn't spread crowbars around the place just to make a mess. What would his plan even be? Or, what? Somehow, someone gets hold of everything from Yoko's room and then sets it up? That doesn't make any sense."

"I agree with Copper," Dopple cut in with. "Although we can say for certain that Yoko wasn't in the best frame of mind at that time, I highly doubt he has anything to do with any of this. There are far too many discrepancies for us to even consider that. He was too busy drinking himself into oblivion, as we know from when we had to drag him to Monobunny's meeting. It must have been perpetrated by someone else."

There was a collective murmur of annoyance and disappointment. The biggest clue into the identity of the killer had instead turned up as the victim. Even still, after all we’d uncovered, the identity of the killer was shrouded in mystery. It felt like we were back at square one.

“Damn it!” Button cried, slamming his hoof down. “I really thought we had this!”

“It’s still information,” Lancet said. “We want to know every detail we can, even if it doesn’t seem important. That said, did nobody see anyone else?”

“Actually,” Elsie said meekly, shifting on her hooves. “I also visited the MonoMart before the meeting.”

“Elsie!” Reph cried. “S-so it was you!?”

“Wait, let me finish!” Elsie called back, fiddling with her glasses and clearing her throat. “I was with Dish Panner and Inky at the time.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Dish Panner affirmed. “We did see Yoko, but by that point he was drowning himself in alcohol. Truth be told, we just wanted to avoid him.”

“Let’s clarify this,” Mesmer said. “Why did the three of you even go there?”

“If I’m honest,” Elsie replied, rubbing anxiously at her foreleg, “I was completely restless after the first trial. I tried forcing myself to sleep but it was of no use. I got up and just walked around, looking for something to do. I stepped out into the corridor and found Inky banging on Sanscript’s door, asking to be let inside for a cuddle or something.”

“I was just worried about him!” Inky protested. “He looked really shook up after what happened to Shetland, and I wanted to make him feel better!”

“Was that really all?” Sanscript asked, blushing a little. “I was in no condition for such things!”

“Yeah, well,” Inky said, folding her forelegs and pouting. “You didn’t seem to mind getting all snug with the Doctor, did you? Bet you just wanted to hear her use all those big scientific words like vas deferens.”

“That’s not what that was!” Sanscript exclaimed, getting redder.

“Anyway,” Elsie continued, rolling her eyes. “Sanscript heard me outside and begged me to take Inky away. I convinced her to go to the MonoMart with me, just for something to do. I don’t know what I was thinking, really. My head was a mess. I supposed that getting something to eat and drink might calm my nerves. She eventually obliged, but I was also rather worried about just the two of us going after what had just happened. Not that I think Inky is the killing type, but then again, I thought the same about Shetland. So, I knocked on Dish Panner’s door and asked her if she wanted to come along.”

“That’s right,” Dish Panner said with a nod. “My reasons may have been a little different, I suppose. After what happened, even with the threat of murder…” She trailed off, licking her lips nervously. “I didn’t really like the thought of being alone. I wanted someone to talk to.”

“So we went to the MonoMart for treats and stuff,” Inky finished.

“You were playing hard to get,” Elsie reprimanded. “Though that barely lasted a few hours, didn’t it?”

“Whatever,” Inky chirped, fluttering her eyelashes. “I happen to like the MonoMart, alright?”

“And?” Copper asked. “What next?”

“Like Elsie said, we saw Yoko,” Dish Panner replied. “We mostly ignored him and started looking at all the various products. Turns out food is an easy ice-breaker, and we grabbed a few things to take out to the benches between the store and the hotel. Mostly just snacks and drinks. We talked for a while, but mainly just sat in silence. If I’d known we would’ve had our lives on the line so soon after that, I might’ve thought to say a little more.”

“Anything else?” Mesmer asked.

“We saw Yoko walk past us,” Elsie said. “He was staggering, bleary-eyed and carried with him an assortment of liquor bottles. He didn’t seem to notice us as he went inside, just kept plodding along. Inky left at some point, to go harass ‘you know who,’ I’m guessing, and Dish Panner and I sat outside for a while longer, then decided to dispose of our waste in the kitchen and sit in the dining hall. It was barely a few minutes after we did that that Monobunny called for everyone’s attention.”

“Is that so?” Dopple asked, deep in thought. “I’m assuming you didn’t see anyone else go into the MonoMart while you were out there?”

“No,” Dish Panner replied. “We would’ve noticed something like that.”

“That settles it,” Dopple said. “The killer must have taken the supplies from the MonoMart before the three of you went there. Do you remember how long it was from the end of the first trial to when you reached the entrance?”

“Let me think,” Dish Panner said. “I went straight to my room after the trial and it was about ten thirty. When we were outside the MonoMart it was eleven, I think?”

“That sounds about right,” Elsie agreed. “It wasn’t that long before we left the hotel. Half an hour seems a decent estimate.”

“In that case,” Copper said, “that leaves less than half an hour for the killer to take what they needed.”

“Wouldn’t Yoko have noticed?” Button asked. “I mean, come on, someone waltzes out the door with crowbars, a big glass bottle, nails and stuff, and he doesn’t tell anyone about it?”

“He was incredibly drunk,” Mesmer said. “Even if he saw it, there’s a good chance he didn’t even remember it. And I'm not convinced he'd have done anything if he saw something suspicious. Considering his actions and his demeanor during the meeting, he didn't seem to care about what might happen to him."

"That isn't out of the ordinary," Lancet added sadly. "Self-destructive acts are often done irrationally, on sudden impulse."

“This is important information,” Maribelle said sternly. “We have now reached a point where the killer must have made their move during a certain period. So I ask of all the unicorns, do you have an alibi for this time?”

“Ah!” Sanscript exclaimed. “I do! Inky can vouch for me that she heard my voice coming from my room before this was happening.”

“Well, yeah,” Inky said, an eyebrow raised. “But I was still in my room for at least twenty minutes before I came to talk to you. Normally takes me a lot less time to reach the stars, but I was mad frazzled after the murder trial.”

Sanscript exhaled sharply. “Miss Slinger, it would help this trial immensely if you ignored such minor details! Hang on, wait... what?”

“I don’t have an alibi, I’m afraid,” Lancet said, hanging her head. “I did meet up with Sanscript, but that was almost an hour later.”

“Same for me,” Elsie admitted, sighing. “I ran into Inky only a few minutes before we left. I was just pacing about in my room, mostly.”

“And you?” Maribelle asked, looking to Mesmer. “What were you doing at the time?”

Mesmer narrowed his eyes and frowned. His gaze drifted around as he stood in silence. “Hmm. That’s a good question.” He exhaled and licked his lips. “Where was I? Where… was… I?”

“It’s a simple question!” Copper barked.

“Yes, yes.” Mesmer nodded, still appearing wary of saying anything more. “I have an airtight alibi, of course. I just feel the need to word myself carefully given the situation.”

“Can you just spill it?” Elsie said, rolling her eyes.

“Alright.” Mesmer cleared his throat. “I have given it some thought and have selected the appropriate response. There is someone who can personally vouch for my whereabouts for the entire time we are discussing. You see, after the end of the first trial I spent at least twenty minutes having sex with Dopple.”

“W-w-w-w-w-w-w-what!?” Reph screamed.

“You can’t be serious!” Dish Panner blared.

“It was an excellent session,” Mesmer added, nodding wistfully. “I made her orgasm three times.”

My entire chest felt numb. I almost fell over in shock.

“Mesmer!” Dopple shrieked, her entire face glowing like beetroot. “I honestly can’t believe you just said that!”

“I will pray for you,” Maribelle said, closing her eyes and whispering to herself.

“No! Everyone!” Dopple cried, baring her teeth with rage. “That’s not what happened at all! Mesmer and I have never done anything like that! What were you even thinking, telling them that!?”

Mesmer threw back his head and laughed thunderously, clutching at his chest as he did so and wiping away a tear. Everyone simply stared in silence, except for Inky, who began giggling nervously. “I have to say,” the stallion began, taking several deep breaths and doing his best to curb his laughter, “I surprised even myself with that one.” He sighed melodramatically. “It was just a joke.”

“You’ve crossed the line,” Dopple said, her cheeks flaring. “I am going to make you regret that.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mesmer replied, finally calming himself. “In actual fact, my previous statement is completely untrue and I have no alibi for that timeframe.” He turned to me and flashed a devious smile, shaking his head ever so slightly. I imagined his sordid statement coming to life and clenched my jaw harder than I ever had. Right then and there, I wanted more than anything to see Mesmer writhe in agony, his bones being broken apart like rotting tree branches.

“That’s not good enough!” Dish Panner roared. “What kind of sick creature are you to say that at a time like this!?”

“I have my reasons,” Mesmer replied. “Perhaps it will have saved us all.” He shrugged. “Or maybe the fact that this trial has been unsuccessful so far leads me to consider the possibility that I could die within the hour. If so, I’d like to make use of what time I have.”

The atmosphere changed in an instant. “H-he’s right,” Reph muttered. “We’re no closer to finding out who the killer is.”

“That’s not true,” Maribelle said. “We’ve narrowed it down just enough to give us some clue.”

“Yeah!” Button cheered. “We’re almost there, right? Time for the final push!”

The stage began to spin but all I could think about was Mesmer and Dopple and Mesmer and Dopple and Mesmer and Dopple and – Stop it! Stop it! Our lives are at stake! My blood was boiling. My head was on fire. My heart had gone into overdrive. At that point I remembered something that changed everything.

Truth Bullets

Monobunny File #2

Reph’s Account

Broken Lock

Threatening Sign

Fireplace Guard

Piece of Rope

Maribelle: Everything we’ve deduced so far points to one conclusion.

Copper: Setting off the nail bomb and escaping must have been done using magic.

Button: Which means only a unicorn could have killed Yoko!You four can’t deny it!

Reph: B-but who amongst them?

Dish Panner: None of them have an alibi, so we can’t strike any of them off the suspect list.

Inky: What if one of them had another reason they couldn’t have done it?

Sanscript: I said this before, if we’re to assume the line of thinking up until now, I surely wouldn’t have had enough time to go to the MonoMart!

Copper: Is there not a clue that points to one of them?

Dish Panner: We can’t just base it on their personality or who we think would be more likely to commit murder.

Button: What if the killer got help from someone?Like, they hid some of the evidence!

Reph: Th-that’s crazy! We all know the rules, and an accomplice wouldn’t get to go free along with the killer.

Maribelle: What if someone did it unintentionally, not realizing they had helped cover up the killer’s tracks?

Copper: Do we have reason to disbelieve one of them?

Dish Panner: It feels like we’re getting nowhere.

Mesmer: I don’t want to have to point out the obvious all over again…

You’re right, Mesmer. It was obvious since the beginning. I can show them, make everyone realize the truth!