It was a beautiful day, everything was peaceful as it was in Canterlot. The streets were crowded and busy, the ocean of ponies flowed as time continued. All were minding their own businesses. All was tranquil. That is until a boxy looking wagon zoomed through the street, nearly crushing a few ponies as it barreled through. The metal box on wheels skids to a halt, a few donuts before taking a free spot next to the sidewalk. It lurched forward before settling on the parking space.
This was not an ordinary wagon, not even a metal box at all, this was a food wagon! It is just a food truck, sadly trucks aren't invented yet so everyone would have to settle with a wagon.
A panel facing the sidewalk flipped up to reveal a window that led to some sort of kitchen, complete with appliances needed to prepare meals. A deep fryer, a toaster and a stove perfect for preparing meals, for example: A hayburger.
A brown coated mare had her head popped out from the corner, she leaned through the window to scan the area. Her face shifted into a smile, her piercing blue eyes bounced from pony to pony. Anyone who were a potential customer. Her blond mane moved along with her head as she bobbed her head to the music playing in her mind. Satisfied, she drew her head back inside to address her employees.
A yellow mare with a curly green mane and another mare who had a red coat and silver hair, both were unicorns as evidenced with the horns on their heads. The latter yawned widely as she fit herself with an apron while the other was doing inventory.
"Everyone!" The blond mare addressed them, this mare was named Quick Fuse, the owner of this fine establishment on wheels, the Happy Wasp was its name. And the only earth pony in the group. "I'm happy to announce that we have finally arrived in Canterlot!"
"Finally!" The red one scoffed, this mare was Scarlet Arrow. "I told you we should've gone left! We barely got out of the Everfree in one piece!"
"Yeah, I was sure that manticore wasn't there to buy hayburgers." The yellow one, Mango Stew, had spoken with just a hint of sarcasm.
"Manticores are carnivores Mango! They don't eat hay!" Quick Fuse told her uninformed friend, Fuse did not notice that Mango was being sarcastic.
Before Mango could even correct her boss, the whole wagon shook, the mares were thrown off their hooves and many items fell off their place. But the two unicorns were quick and caught them with their magic before they could reach the floor.
"What was that!?" Mango asked as she returned the bottle of ketchup back to its rightful place.
"Hold on, let me check." Scarlet hopped over to the window and leaned out. Then her face scowled. "Hey, you should see this!"
The other mares rushed over to Scarlet's side and poked their heads out of the wagon. Right next to them was another food wagon, not a boxy one like theirs, but looked more like a really small house that was painted blue. And what was worse for the mares was on top of the house was a sign that says "Beep's Burgers.
"Well well," Their heads turned towards a short changeling that stood just in front of the window. She frowned at them as she continued. "what a pleasant surprise, the three dolts and their boring old food wagon."
This particular changeling was not just an ordinary one, no, this changeling was easy to spot when she did not use any disguises. The small round shades with green tints and the purple scarf around her neck made her pop out of the rest. And unlike most changelings these days, she had kept her original form, she was not a reformed changeling like the colorful ones that lived with the ponies side by side. But the most notable feature of hers was the scar that started on her right brow and ended down on her right cheek.
Her blue eyes glared at the trio of mares. "I didn't expect to see you here."
Fuse frowned, she jumped out of her wagon to stand in front of the changeling on even ground, but she had to crane her head little due to the height difference. "I could say the same with you Minion."
"I'm just doing business in the streets of Canterlot." Minion smirked. "Though, I'm fine with our wagons being next to each other. Because by the end of the day, I'll be the one who would make the most profits. And it would be another failure for you, just like your visit in Ponyville."
"Yeah right! Everybody knows that the hayburgers from my wagon are better than Beep's Burgers!" Quick Fuse held her head high as she made her claim.
Minion smiled devilishly. "Oh? Did you really think I'm here only to sell hayburgers? This is why we're different. Unlike you, I do my research." She glanced over to her wagon and nodded at a cyan colored changeling. They then retreated deeper inside the wagon.
In a matter of seconds, the changeling had returned with a strange looking burger, simple, but there was an odd aura about it. It smelled different, Quick Fuse could tell. And it got even stronger once the changeling brought it to Minion.
"Go ahead, take a bite." Minion waved the strange hayburger at Quick Fuse.
Reluctantly, the mare accepted the offer, she leveled the sandwich to her face. And then she took a really small bite. For the first few seconds, she chewed. The next, she rudely spat out the burger and gagged as her mouth was filled with a disgusting taste. Her hooves combed over her tongue in an attempt to clean it of the taste.
"You okay Fuse!?" Mango was concerned for her boss.
"Whath ith that!?" Quick Fuse stuck her tongue out as she tried to keep her stomach in, the taste was unbearable, so much that she felt her stomach acting unhappy.
Minion did not smile, or smirk, her face was passive as she watched the mare suffer. "Meat, beef to be accurate."
"What!?" Scarlet exclaimed. "Who's gonna buy a hayburger that isn't even hay!?"
"Yeah," Mango quizzically scratched the back of her head. "w-why would a pony even want meat?"
"This is why I'm the best at Ponyville." Minion shook her head with disappointment. "This isn't a hayburger, this is called a hamburger." Her eyes snapped towards a random passerby, a griffon. Minion's wings buzzed, and the aroma of the burger went straight towards the griffon and she immediately took a sharp turn towards the changeling.
"Excuse me, but which of you fine ladies is selling a hamburger?" The griffon inquired.
"That would be me ma'am, obviously," Minion motioned her insect limb at her wagon. "please follow me to my shop, Beep's Burgers. The best fast food you would ever taste." Minion gave Fuse one last grin before she escorted the griffon to her wagon.
That's when Fuse realized Minion's whole plan. She rushed to the door of her wagon and stormed in, nearly toppling a few things as she did so. "That changeling!" She screamed.
"What's wrong?" Mango asked her as she kept some distance.
"I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner!"
Scarlet scoffed. "Enough with the riddles, just tell us!"
"Canterlot is the capital of Equestria, right?" Fuse received two nods from her employees. "That means all kinds of creatures visit or live in this city! Ever since princess Twilight's ascension to the throne, more and more creatures like griffons or hippogriffs had started visiting Canterlot frequently!"
"And Minion is taking advantage of that fact!" If Scarlet had hands, she would've snapped her fingers when she fully understands. "There are plenty of meat eaters in the city, sometimes young dragons would be checking the gems around the place, and dragons are also able to eat meat, not only gems."
"Correct, and though there are some local griffon businesses that serve meat, a food wagon would be easier to go to when you first see it!"
Mango raised a single brow. "So... are we going to do the same?"
"Heck no!" Scarlet bonked Mango on the head. "People are gonna see it as us stealing someone's idea! We need to come up with something original and not look like a total thief!"
"So girls, start thinking!" Fuse immediately started to storm up some ideas, Mango did the same.
Scarlet would've followed them, but a random pony had come up to their wagon and Scarlet went to work.
"How about we make stew?" Mango suggested.
"Let me guess, we use mangoes?" Scarlet said as she prepared a hayburger.
"We're a fast food joint, not stews and soups." Fuse shot down Mango's idea. "Got anything Scar?"
Scarlet looked away from the customer. "Well, I had this idea where we wrap hay over a block of cheese. And when you take a bite out of it, it overflows with- wait for it- cheese!"
"Brilliant! Mango, write that down and make me a visual advertisement!" The unicorn nodded and brought out her crayons. "But that won't be enough! I need to think!"
Quick Fuse's face scrunched as she thought up ideas. After a minute, she cracked open an eye and noticed something inspiring, Scarlet's flank. The cutie mark on the red rump was a bottle of whiskey being spilled.
"I got it!"
"Like, Giffany, this hamburger is totes amazing!" A young griffon spoke to her friend, Giffany who was also a griffon. "Like, I thought I had to go to some nameless deli. But, those bug things just made it, like, super easy!"
"I know right, but don't eat too much girl, you wouldn't want to be fat." Giffany taunted her friend.
"Hey there kids!" Both griffons looked over to the wagon next to Beep's Burgers, a brown mare leaned on the window with a very wide smile.
"Hey..." Giffany greeted reluctantly.
"So... Canterlot is a nice place, right?"
"Oh, yeah. It's better than home, I guess."
Giffany's friend agreed. "Canterlot is better, like, everything is so bland back home! This city is colorful, like, the ponies!"
"Sure is, Goldy. Griffonstone is just really boring, nothing much happens and everybody was always so rude."
Goldy cocked a brow at her friend. "Giffany, we're also rude, remember?"
"Anyways!" Both griffons turned back towards the pony. "Would any of you like something?"
Giffany shook her head. "Sorry, but we're kinda full already."
"Yeah, these hamburgers are just so yum!" Goldy said as she finished her food.
"Oh, I know," Quick Fuse smiled even wider. "but do you have a drink to go with that?"
The griffons looked at each other to confirm that they both do not have any drinks to wash the burgers down. "OMG Giffany, like, we don't have any drinks! We should go back and buy some sodas!"
"But Goldy, the line is really long." As Giffany had painted out, the line to Beep's Burger was indeed long. "And besides, they don't have my favorite soda, or any good ones. Or any drinks at all, now that I remember..."
"Might I make a suggestion on this hot day?" The griffons returned their attention back to the mare. "As you can see, here at Happy Wasp, there is no line! And best of all, we have all kinds of drinks with numerous options to choose from!" Fuse then presented to them a menu for drinks.
"Oh wow!" Goldy smiled. "They got bubble tea!"
"Ooh, I'll have the creamy avocado!"
"And I'll have the dark chocolate!"
"Coming right up!" Fuse turned towards Scarlet. "You heard them Scar, get to it!"
Scarlet rolled her eyes at Fuse. "Whatever. Where's Mango anyways?"
"Getting us more customers."
"Oh... So what now?"
Quick Fuse smiled. "Phase 2!"
Mango waited, and waited. She stared at the griffons, ponies, and others. And they stared back at her. A small theater box hung from her neck, the scene was an empty desert where a tiny little pony puppet made of paper was crawling on the sand.
"Water, water!" The puppet cried. "So thirsty."
"Hmm," A hippogriff placed their claws under their beak. "this puppet show sure is making me thirsty."
A random wasp puppet flew by. "Happy Wasp! Happy Wasp!" The puppet moaned as it continued through the desert.
A griffon had stopped eating his burger, he felt his throat dry up a bit. "Damn, I should get a drink." He muttered. His eyes landed on a wagon next to the one where he bought the burger. "Hmm, Happy Wasp sounds like a good place."
Mango smiled, the plan was working perfectly. No one could resist a show while eating their food! And every creature on sight was already under her spell, and soon enough, they will all be at the Happy Wasp to buy a drink. Even those who've already been to the wagon.
"This story is so captivating, the message is so deep. Crawling in a desert for five whole minutes symbolises the truth of everyone's eternal servitude towards those who control everything. And the thirst for water is just a secret meaning of how we all just consume every product that the rulers give."
"No you idiot! It symbolizes that no matter what we do, we would always end up in death's cold dead hands! The part where he struggled in the desert is clearly that, and the wasp is about how life goes on even if you're dead, and the cycle continues!"
Maybe not everyone...
Minion stared at Mango Stew in the distance with the crowd watching her little puppet show. The changeling eyed her, then the Happy Wasp where there were a lot more customers than before, and there were none to buy from her. All had left to go over to the Happy Wasp. As soon as she noticed the patterns, she had already understood what was happening.
"This is a stupid plan," She commented after closing the window for a little privacy. She was alone in the room, her workers were elsewhere. "yet, it's strangely working. Isn't that right, Quick Fuse?"
The mare froze as Minion glared at her, a bottle of black pepper in her hooves. She became still and rigid as Minion approached. "H-how did you know?"
"As you would have noticed, there's only the two of us in the room. I had sent my workers to fetch some more drinks after the ones in my stock had strangely vanished." Minion sighed. "All thanks to you, I guess."
"What do you mean? I-I don't know anything about missing drinks!"
"Cut the act, you're a terrible liar. Good thing you weren't born a changeling." Minion eyed her passively. "I can see that black pepper, I'm guessing you would start peppering the patties as well as my hays so it would be spicier. Then even the ponies would go straight to your shop."
Quick Fuse started sweating bullets. Her plan was already out in the open in just a few seconds after meeting with Minion.
"I would've brought some hot sauce to sneak into the ketchup bottles. But it was a great plan, even if it was dumb."
"S-stay back!" Fuse raised the pepper shaker at the changeling. "I know how to use this!"
"Though it is a popular belief, changelings unlike regular insects are able to consume black pepper with no irregular effect, same goes for some species of insect. So unless I was a tiny little ant, then that weapon of yours is useless."
After learning this fact, Quick Fuse sighed and placed the pepper shaker on the stove. "Don't think you've got me! I have- wait, this is a really nice stove."
Minion quizzically raised a brow at the mare. "What game are you playing?"
"No game, I'm honest! This is the best stove I've ever seen! But, you can't really make a hayburger without a grill."
"Uh, I have a grill plate for that purpose. As for the stove, my friend bought it for me when I started my business." Minion walked up to Fuse's side, she smiled warmly as she caressed the stove. "He was very supportive when I told him what I wanted. Went all the way to Canterlot the same night and bought this stove right here. Said it was the best he could find."
"Oh, I did not expect that..." She said as she inched towards the exit. "Your friend must be cool if he just did that for you."
"He kinda is, and I still owe him a bunch." She sighed as she recalled a memory from her past, one that Quick Fuse could not see. "If it wasn't for him... I wouldn't be here right now..."
"That is... touching..." Fuse kept glancing at the door and back at Minion. Her hoof was trying to find the handle but there was none, the door only had one handle and it was outside. You'd need magic to open it from the inside. So her only hope of escape was the window. "So, could you show me how it works?"
"Certainly!" Minion agreed without removing her eyes from the stove. Her horn glowed, the knob turned and the stove was lit. "The thing about this stove is that it doesn't use any gas. Nope, it uses a magical flame that burns within the stove. It's called Eternal Blaze and it was said that a powerful unicorn had created it by- wait, what's that hissing?"
Minion's eyes darted towards the pepper shaker on top of her stove, she reached a hoof over and then scowled. There was a fuse attached to the bottle, which was actually paper. And that fuse was burning quick. Her head snapped towards the window just in time to see Quick Fuse jumping through it, closing the window after she did so.
"Oh you fricken cu-"
*POP*
Quick Fuse watches as Minion's workers had returned with a plastic bag filled with refreshing drinks. But just as they reached the door, it flew open to reveal a very peeved off changeling.
Minion emerged out of her wagon. Her carapace as well as the rest of her body was covered in pink glitter. She growled at the two. "Not one word."
The two silently nodded as she walked away. Quick Fuse grinned as Minion approached. "Hey Minion, great stove, would love to see it again after you clean it up." She taunted the changeling.
"I must admit, that was clever. You're smarter than you look." Fuse's grin fell, confused as to why her opponent was complimenting her. "It appears that you've won this round, but mark my words Quick Fuse, I will get you back for this. And it would be best if you sleep with one eye open." With that said, she left the mare.
Minion shouted some orders at her workers and they immediately fixed themselves on the harness of Beep's Burgers. As soon as they finished, the three changelings left with nothing else to say. Fuse smiled and stood victoriously as she watched her rival drive away.
With her head held high, she marched back to her own wagon. Which had so many customers waiting in line. All thanks to her short work. When she opened the door, she was greeted by the sight of her employees working as hard as ever. With Scarlet on drink duty, and Mango on the grill.
Scarlet looked away from her work once Quick Fuse had entered the wagon with a smile. "Woah, your plan worked?"
"Of course it did!" Fuse boasted. "I'm smarter than anyone in this city! Now Minion is out of the picture and we have the whole street to ourselves, just in time for lunch!"
"Um, does this mean I can take a break now?" Mango waved the spatula in the air.
"Heck no! This means we gotta work even harder now!"
"Boo!" Mango cried.
"Welp, get to work everyone!" Fuse clapped her hooves together. "Hop to it!"
"Whatever." Scarlet growled.
"Aw..." Mango looked dejected.
As for Quick Fuse. "Ah," She sighed. "another happy ending..."
"Ahem!"
All three looked towards the window to see a royal guard standing outside.
"I received reports of disturbance to the peace caused by a metal box and illegal parking on a handicap spot." He explained. "Mind if I have a word with you mares?" He asked.
The three stared at him for a second, unsure what to say. They looked at each other, then back at the guard. After a few seconds of silence, Quick Fuse and Scarlet placed their hooves on Mango's shoulders. They faced the guard with a sorrowful look on their faces as Mango felt confusion.
"Our sister is mute."
Author's Note
Originally it was gonna be "Our sister is autistic" but shock humor aren't sometimes funny. So I went with a far simpler joke.
This fanfic was inspired by an animation on youtube called big top burgers. Really good animation and I enjoyed the jokes. Especially when I have a terrible humor. Or is it because I have a great sense of humor? IDK.
Now I shall talk about the characters! Because I just like talking about OCs. Like everyone else...
Quick Fuse:
-Race: Earth Pony.
-Mane: Light yellow.
-Fur Color: Tawny brown.
-Eye Color: Teal Blue.
-Cutie Mark: Two sticks of dynamite with both fuses lit.
Scarlet Arrow:
-Race: Unicorn.
-Mane: Silver White.
-Fur Color: Scarlet Red.
-Eye Color: Emerald Green
-Cutie Mark: A bottle whiskey being spilled.
Mango Stew:
-Race: Unicorn.
-Mane: Spring Green.
-Fur Color: Pineapple Yellow.
-Eye Color: Caramel Brown.
-Cutie Mark: A bowl of mango stew with a whole mango in it.
Minion:
-Race: Changeling, Unreformed.
-Mane/Neck Fin: Dark Arctic Bluish Grey.
-Chitin: Sea Greenish Black.
-Eye Color: Arctic Blue.
-Hive Role: ~~Hive Worker~~(Independent.)
Welp, that's all folks!
