A Number of Ideas I had While Completely Out of my Mind

by Asimov_Law

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Anthology, Main 6, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 1140

May God forgive my sins

The insane ramblings of my mind translated into lovable cartoon ponies that may or may not have serious mental health issues.

I do not own any franchises shown

Published 2021-12-01 04:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-01 04:30:00 UTC

In Which Rarity is a Spaz

"Pinkie."
"Yes, Twilight?"
"Why is Rarity having a seizure?"
"Is that what that is, I thought she was dancing."
"..."
"See, cause she only started doing that when I turned on my super extra bright disco ball. Seemed to me she just decided to get funky."
"..."
"And it seemed like she was getting really into it so I thought that I shouldn't get in the way of that."
"Pinkie, are you drunk?"
"Oooofff course not, silly! You made a royal decreee that it was illegal for me to 'buy, sell, or produce food or beverages with an alcohol content greater than 2%'. Don't you remember?"
"Yes, I believe I did. It was after you borrowed a room in the castle with Pokey and, as Spike put it, the moaning ghosts kept me up all night."
"Yeperooni!"
"Could you turn your disco ball off? Rarity might hurt herself."
"Okie Doki Loki! I'll use it on Derpy next!"
"DO NOT!"

Author's Note

I'm sorry

A possibility

Anon sat lost in thought.
"Does this world's magical ban on cursing apply if I say it's part of my culture?"

Author's Note

Just think!

Twilight loves fan mail

Twilight Sparkle entered her library, in her magic she carried a few packages and a great many letters. As she sat in what she deemed 'mein comfy chair' her lips curled into a smile.

"I fucking love fan mail, I mean, this is the shit, I get to read all good shit ponies write to me, fuck!"

She reached out with her magic and started sorting through the letters.

"Love letter, love letter, love letter, love letter... OOH, an essay!"

Tossing the various proclamations of love (of varying levels of quality and eloquence) behind her she read the title of the essay aloud.

"Industrial Society and its Consequences."

Author's Note

I have nothing to say

In which I reuse a joke

"Pinkie."
"Yes twilight?"
"Are you fucking stupid?"
"Not that I'm aware of! Why?"
"You hosted a surprise rave for the Equestrian Epilepsy Foundation."
"That is, in fact, a thing I did."
"Why didn't Rarity stop them from contracting you?"
"She's the one who invited me!"
"Did she know about the rave?"
"Nooooooo?"
"Pinkie."
"Ok, fine, I messed up, but the fire was totally not me!"
"I was wondering about that."
"It was totally arson!"
"How do you know?"
"Oh, i caught the arsonist in the act, but he made me pinkie promise not to tell anybody who he was!"
"..."
"..."
"I don't know why I bother."

Author's Note

I apologize for nothing! Pinkie should apologize to Rarity!

Battle of the Heroes

"Luna! Come back to me! Equestria needs you!"
"You turned them against me!"
"You have done that yourself!"
"YOU WILL NOT TAKE THEM FROM ME!"
"Your anger and your lust for power have already done that. You have allowed this darkness to twist your mind, until now- now, you have become the very thing you swore to destroy."
"Don't lecture me, Celestia. I see through your lies. I do not fear the darkness as you do! I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire!"
"Your new empire?!"
"Don't make me kill you."
"Luna, my allegiance is to Equestria, to our ponies!"
"If you're not with me, then you're my enemy!"
"Only evil deals in absolutes. I will do what I must."
"You will try."

------<[]>------

"I have failed you, Luna. I have failed you."
"I should've known you were plotting to remove me!"
"Luna, this darkness is evil!"
"From my point of view, you are evil!"
"WELL, THEN, YOU ARE LOST!"

------<[]>------

"It's over, Luna! I have the Elements!"
"You underestimate my power!"
"Don't try it."

------<[]>------

"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy evil, not join it! Bring balance to the world, not leave it in darkness!"
"I HATE YOU!"
"You were my sister, Luna. I loved you."

Author's Note

I deeply apologize for this sin, but I needed to get it out of my head.

"Apples are red, rainbow is blue, one day we'll cruise down ponyville avenue"

It was a winter's afternoon in Ponyville, all the colts and fillies were out playing, with a few exceptions. Two group of fillies sat in opposing snowforts as they endured their unbreakable stalemate.

"Hey."

"Yeah Sweetie?"

"You ever wonder why we’re here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, Sweets, but it keeps me up at night."

Silence reigned in the frosty fortifications.

"...What?! Scootaloo, I mean why are we out here, in this field?"

"Oh. Uh... yeah."

"What was all that stuff about God?"

"Uh...hm? Nothing."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a plain old field in the middle of Ponyville."

"Mm hmm."

"The only reason that we set up a snow fort here, is because Tiara and Silver have a snow fort over there. And the only reason they have a snow fort over there, is because we have a snow fort here."

"Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other."

"No, no. But I mean, even if we were to just leave, and if they would come take our fort, they would have two bases in the middle of a random field. Whoopdee-doo."

"What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to get my cutie mark. Next thing I know, I'm stuck in the middle of this field, fighting them"

"What're they doing?"

Diamond Tiara slowly lowered her gem encrusted binoculars and turned to look at Silver Spoon.

"What?"

"I said, 'What are they doing now?'"

"Sweet Celestia, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"

"You have the binoculars, I can't see anything. Don't get mad at me because I'm not going to just sit over here and play with snow."

"Okay, okay, look... they're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be, 'They’re still just talking, and they're still just standing there!'”

It was silent for a moment.

"...What're they talking about?"

"...You know what? I hate you"

Author's Note

I just thought the personalities fit super well. But who's Caboose?