Steamed Bales

by Blaze_Deku

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1497

Twilight’s lunch date with Flash Sentry goes horribly wrong when she accidentally burns the meal she prepared and has to make a replacement.

Twilight’s lunch date with Flash Sentry goes horribly wrong when she accidentally burns the meal she prepared and has to make a replacement.

Based off of “Steamed Ham” meme from The Simpsons

Written for Flashlight Week 2018

Published 2020-07-18 08:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-18 08:30:00 UTC

Mouthwatering Hayburgers

If Twilight Sparkle prided herself on one thing, it was her drive for perfection. And she would need for the lunch date she was preparing for Flash Sentry, who had managed to get some time off from guard duties.

It was all up to her to make sure things went on without a hitch. Spike had helped earlier with tidying up the castle before heading out to play Ogres & Oubliettes with Big Mac and Discord, and Starlight had agreed to give them some space while they enjoy their meal, so she could have some one-on-one time with her special somepony. She had an eggplant parmesan cooking in the oven so that it would be ready to serve by the time her guest would arrive.

She was just checking on the meal for the twentieth time when she suddenly heard a knock at the door. In her haste to greet her guest, however, Twilight accidentally nudged the oven’s dial and increased the heat tenfold. Unfortunately, Twilight was mentally preoccupied with greeting her lunch guest to realize her error.

Twilight trotted over to the door, and, after taking a deep breath to attempt to calm her nerves, opened it to find a yellow-orange pegasus outside with a saddlebag that contained a bottle of sparkling cider.

“Well, Twilight, I made it, despite Captain Armor’s directions…” Flash Sentry joked, “I’m not sure he still approves of me dating his little sister.”

“Ah, Flash, welcome! I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable lunch date!” chirped Twilight as she led Flash into the table, “Please make yourself comfortable as I make the last finishing touches for our lunch,” seating Flash at the table. Upon entering the kitchen, Twilight was not welcomed by the aroma of her prepared meal. Instead, she was met with the pungent odor of burnt food.

“No, no, no, no, no, no! Our lunch is ruined!” cried Twilight, “Flash will think I have absolutely no culinary skills and break up with me, then Shining Armor’s going to court-martial Flash but then Cadance will intervene, saying that she can salvage our relationship, and they’ll get into a big fight, leading to their eventual divorce that leaves Flurry Heart so traumatized by the ordeal that she’ll turn to studying dark magic, eventually becoming the greatest threat known to Equestria, and the princesses and I will have to fight her and the ensuing battle will cause a cataclysm that likes Equestria has not seen only to-“

Twilight gasped for a breath of air, only to break into a coughing fit from the increasing amount of smoke billowing from burning lunch.

“Okay, maybe I should do something about this smoke before I start rambling,” Twilight coughed, opening a window and slumping on the windowsill. Sighing, she looked out on Ponyville, trying to figure out a way out of her predicament.

“I can’t create food out of nothing according to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration, and anything I transform into food will retain its original taste. I don’t have time to create another meal from scratch,” stated Twilight, as she scanned Ponyville, her eyes stopping on The Hay Burger restaurant.

“But what if...” pondered Twilight, “I were to purchase some fast food and disguise it as my own cooking. I could teleport over there, make my order, pop back here, fix it up and Flash would be none the wiser. Delightfully devious, Sparkle!”

After mentally patting herself on the back, Twilight grabbed her saddlebag to carry her replacement lunch in and in the middle of climbing out the window when Flash suddenly entered the kitchen

“Oh, Flash! I was... doing some isometric exercises. Care to join me?” Twilight called out.

“Um, maybe another time. I’m still sore from the drills from yesterday,” replied a spluttering, and very red-faced Flash, who noticed the black fumes coming from the oven “Wait, why is there smoke coming from your oven?”

“Uh, that isn’t smoke, it’s steam!” Twilight blurted, “Steam from the steamed kale we’re having. Mmmmm, Steamed kale!” Twilight blurted out, rubbing her stomach.

“Um, alright. I’ll just be outside,” stated Flash, looking slightly confused before exiting the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

Twilight sighed in relief before teleporting out of the kitchen to the hayburger establishment and ordered two of the usual, wh

Taking the order back to the kitchen, she arranged the food on the platter into a more aesthetic arrangement before carrying it out with magic to her guest in the other room.

“Flash Sentry, I hope you’re ready for mouth-watering hayburgers!” proclaimed Twilight, as she rested the tray of hayburgers on the table.

“Um, didn’t you say we were having steamed kale?” asked Flash.

“Oh no. I said steamed bales!” Twilight chortled, “That’s what I call hayburgers.”

“…You call hayburgers “steamed bales”?”

“Yes. It’s a regional dialect!”

“Uh, what region?”

“Canterlot’s Academic district?” stammered Twilight.

“Really?” remarked Flash, “I attended Canterlot Academy before joining the Royal Guard and I never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed bales.”

“Uh, not in Canterlot Academy, no” Twilight insisted, “It’s an expression used in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.”

“I see,” Flash said as he picked up a hayburger to examine it, “These hayburgers are similar to the ones they have at the Hay Burger.”

“Aha ha ha ha… nope,” laughed Twilight, “Patented Sparkle burgers. Old family recipe.”

“For steamed bales?”

“Yes,” replied Twilight.

“And you call them “steamed bales” despite the fact they are obviously grilled.”

“Ye- hey- you know, the-“ stammered Twilight, “one thing I should-“

“This is a disaster.” thought Twilight, “At this rate, he’ll figure out I didn’t prepare this meal and that I burned the actual- Wait, did I remember to turn off the oven-?”

“Excuse me for one second,” sputtered Twilight as she got up from the table.

“Of course, Twilight.”

Twilight headed into the kitchen, realized that the kitchen was engulfed in a raging inferno, and did an immediate 180 back into the dining room.

“*YAWN!* Well, that was wonderful!” bleated Twilight, “A good time was had by all, I’m pooped.

“Yes, I should be going, I need to catch the train back to – SWEET CELESTIA, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!” yelled Flash, his hoof extended toward the orange glow of the kitchen

In her panicked state, Twilight blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Aurora borealis,” Twilight stated flatly.

“Au-aurora borealis?” sputtered Flash, “At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of Equestria, localized entirely in your kitchen?!”

“Yes,” Twilight replied flatly.

“Um, may I see it?” Flash asked.

“Mm… No,” Twilight stated, as she pushed Flash out the door, “Well you don’t want to be late for your train. So why don’t you go on ahead, and I’ll clean up.”

“I can spare a few minutes to help clean up,” replied Flash, “The least I can do for cooking lunch.”

“Maybe another time,” Twilight said, “beside it’s not that big of a mess-”

“TWILIGHT, THE KITCHEN’S ON FIRE!!” Starlight screamed from inside the castle.

“It’s just the Northern Lights, Starlight!” Twilight yelled back, attempting to wrap up her lunch date before the situation got worse.

“Um, should I grab a raincloud or-” asked Flash,

Twilight casted a spell and a torrent of water was launched from nearby lake and launched through the open window of the castle, putting out the fire, and flushing an extremely soggy Starlight Glimmer right out of the doors of the castle. “It’s. Just. The. Northern. Lights,” Twilight growled, as she headed to the train station with Flash.

“Um,” Flash sputtered, “If you say so, Princess.”

As they waited for the train to arrive, neither Flash nor Twilight dared to say a thing, for fear of what the other might say in kind. Eventually, Twilight managed to muster up an inkling of courage.

“Flash, I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean for our lunch date to end up like this”

“Twilight I-” Flash started.

“I was just so worried about just making everything perfect,” babbled Twilight, “but then I accidentally burned our lunch, then I panicked and bought a replacement from the nearby Hay Burger, but I forgot to turn off the oven, and nearly burned down the kitchen in the process. I didn’t mean to ruin our date.”

“Twilight, you didn’t ruin it,” replied Flash, “I actually had a great time today.”

“Even after all that happened?”

“Well, it was an odd incident, but I must say, Twilight, you do know how to steam a bale,” Flash quipped with a slight smirk on his face

“Oh you,” Twilight retorted, lightly swatting Flash, “I told you I didn’t make those.”

“Pity,” Flash replied, as the train rolled into the station “I guess I’ll have to ask you out again to sample your culinary prowess. On one condition.”

“And what’s that?” Twilight asked.

“Please don’t cause another aurora borealis in the near future,” Flash answered, with a quick peck on Twilight’s cheek.