Levels in stealth, don't fail me now!
Before today, Button Mash would wait at the entrance of Princess Twilight’s Castle Whenever Sweetie Belle would have lessons there with the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Sometimes it took a while for the lessons to get out, but it was worth it to see Sweetie Belle. Plus, Button took along his JoyBoy to pass the time away.
Unfortunately, Button’s daily routine would hit a snag in the form of a newly-posted, yellow-orange pegasus guard standing watch at the doors of the castle. Button froze at the sight of the armored stallion, recalling various specimens of sentinels from several of his games, such as the patrolling guards from Legend of Epona to the odd small-talk of various guards from Styrim. Some were strong enough to serve as the boss of whatever dungeon the protagonist managed to navigate.
One look at the stallion's neutral express and Button knew that he wasn’t going to merely let him through the front door. Luckily, Button Mash had learned various strategies on how to get past multiple sentries and only one guard was standing in his way. This was going to be a piece of cake!
As a member of the Royal Guard, Flash Sentry could say that he had a lot of experience remaining at his post, whether it was at Canterlot Castle, the Crystal Empire, or the Castle of Friendship. He had seen everything from changelings invading Canterlot to the last minute salvation of the Crystal Empire thanks to a baby dragon. Still, he would admit that the screaming earth pony colt with a propeller beanie on his head and a wooden sword in his mouth was a new one for him. After all, it wasn’t very common for a juvenile civilian to charge at a highly trained guard with a toy weapon. So Flash Sentry could hardly be blamed if he did nothing as the colt jumped out and brought the blade upon his head.
However, unlike the helmet it was being smashed into, Button’s wooden sword was not made for combat, and shattered like the piece of armor had karate chopped it. Shocked at the destruction of his only weapon, Button misjudged his landing, bouncing off his target and landing at the stallion’s feet. Button looked up at the guard with the remaining hilt in his mouth, eyes beginning to water.
“MOOOOOOOOM!” cried Button, discarding the broken piece of wood as he ran off, tears in his eyes. Flash glanced at the departing colt, a concerned expression painted on his face, partly for the wellbeing of the colt, and partly for himself should the colt’s mother come looking for retribution.
Back in his room, Button did a mental review of the failed ambush. A direct assault was not the route to go. Luckily, Button had played games that offered an alternative strategy to overcoming tough adversaries like the one currently between him and Sweetie Belle...
Flash Sentry stared at the overturned cardboard box that lay several yards from the castle door, just off the path leading toward it. It shuffled a few inches, before stopping periodically, advancing ever so slowly toward the castle. Flash sighed, shaking his head as he approached the box.
“Nice try. Come out from under there,” he stated sternly. The box’s occupant stopped moving and proceeded to lift the edge of the box, revealing the face of a grey mare with a blonde mane.
“Um, I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” asked Derpy Hooves, worry written on her face at the possibility of causing another incident.
Flash exhaled in relief. “No, you’re fine, Derpy. I needed to make sure there was no threat to Princess Twilight. Can I ask what you were doing underneath that box?”
Derpy’s expression immediately brightened, “Oh, I was playing hide and seek with my daughter, Dinky. We often play it when I have time off from delivering mail.”
“That sounds nice,” Flash replied with a smile, “I should play that with my little brother. I’ve just been busy with my guard duties.”
“I understand completely! After all, you have to make sure the castle’s safe while the princess meets with the barrel delegation.”
“Wait, barrel delegation?” Flash asked with a confused look.
“Yeah, I mean, isn’t that one of them walking up to the castle now,” Derpy said, pointing over Flash’s shoulder toward the castle entrance and the barrel slowly approaching it.
“HEY!” exclaimed Flash, as he raced toward the barrel.
The barrel’s occupant, startled by Flash’s outburst, let out a yelp and fell over on their side, four little brown hooves poking out from the barrel’s opening. The barrel started rolling down the slight incline of the path away from the castle.
“AAAAAAAH!!!” wailed the barrel’s rider as he rolled all the way into Ponyville.
Derpy just stood there, looking both slightly concerned and confused at what she witnessed, “Well… I should get back to hiding. Good luck with guard work!” she chirped before flying off with the cardboard box in hoof.
“Thanks, Derpy. Say hi to Dinky for me!” called Flash, waving the mare goodbye before making his way back to his post.
After rolling for several minutes across Ponyville, the barrel finally came to rest outside of the schoolhouse. Button wobbled out of the stationary barrel, dizzy from tumbling about in the round container.
“I’m not giving up,” muttered Button as he shook his head and tried to regain his balance, “I think it’s time to try out Plan "C"…
Flash Sentry just glared at the plate of spaghetti placed underneath a crate propped up by a stick with a string leading into a nearby bush.
“Eat it…” angrily muttered Button as he glared at the guard, “Eat the spaghetti!”
Flash stood still for a moment, before sitting down, grabbing his stashed lunchbox, pulling out a daisy and grass sandwich and took a large bite out of it.
“DAIKALIF! cursed Button.
“Language!” a cheery voice next to Button chirped.
Button jumped suddenly and turned to address the unexpected speaker. “Oh, hey Pinkie Pie,” mumbled Button.
“Hey Button. What’s got you down?” Pinkie asked, “Let me guess - somepony stole your sweet roll?”
“Um… wha-?” Button mumbled before Pinkie rambled on.
“It’s the darndest thing! There was that tray of muffins that went missing from Sugar Cube Corner. Everypony thought it was Derpy, but she was nowhere near the store. Then there was that apple pie that was swiped off the windowsill in Sweet Apple Acres. And now somepony stole your sweet roll, which I don’t know how you got that because no one I know here actually makes those in Ponyville, and I know everyone in Ponyville because it’s sort of my job as a party pony. Where was I again?”
“Uh… you were saying somepony stole my sweet roll,” Button answered hesitantly, “But that’s not-”
“That’s right! Now there’s been a string of pastry thefts across Ponyville and it might be high time to dust off my old detective kit that I used the last time I solved a pastry case. Well, Twilight solved it, but I like to think that I laid the groundwork for her to solve it”
“Pinkie! I didn’t have a sweet roll!” Button cried out in frustration.
“Oh… So, what has got you down?”
“I’m trying to get into the castle to see Sweetie Belle, but I can’t get in…”
“Have you tried the front door?” asked Pinkie.
“The guard won’t let me through…”
“Oh, you mean Flash Sentry! He’s such a sweet guy! I swear there’s something happening between him and Twilight, but when I ask either of them, they get all embarrassed and change the subject. But I’m sure if you ask him, he’ll definitely let you through.”
“I don’t think that’ll work as well as you think,” grumbled Button Mash.
“Well, okay, but be sure to keep it in mind. How about a window?” suggested Pinkie
“You mean the stained glass ones right by the door? I don’t think those open.”
“No, silly! The ones at the very top!”
“But those are really high up, and I can’t fly!” Button whined.
“You don’t need to fly if you borrow my suction-cup shoes,” chimed Pinkie Pie.
“But... Don’t you need those?”
“Only when I’m hanging streamers on the ceiling or I feel like singing, “Spider Pie, Spider Pie, does whatever a Spider Pie does,” which is neither since I’m looking into those stolen pastries.”
“But I didn’t have a sweet roll that was stolen!” protested Button Mash
“I know, silly! But there’s a tray of muffins and a pie out there, all alone in the world…”
“So, can I have those suction-cup shoes?”
“Of course! Just let me get them out of my hair,” replied Pinkie before sticking her hoof into her mane for a few seconds, while mumbling under her breath in a suspenseful manner.
“Dah dah da DAAAAAH!” proclaimed Pinkie, “Looks like you found a pair of suction-cup shoes. Be sure to return them to Pinkie Pie after you’re done with them,” and handed Button the aforementioned hoof attire.
“Wow, thanks Pinkie!” exclaimed Button as he took the shoes and ran toward the back of the castle to begin his ascent.
“Bye, bye, Button! Have fun storming the castle!” Pinkie called out, waving the young colt off, before turning around to head back into Ponyville when her eyes fell on a plate of pasta left behind.
“Ooh! Spaghetti!” proclaimed Pinkie making her way over to the dish, not noticing the crate hanging above it, or the stick holding said crate up which she carelessly knocked over, bringing the crate fall upon her, “trapping” her underneath.
“*Gasp!* The pastry’s thief’s onto me!” cried Pinkie.
Thirty minutes of climbing and puffing later, Button found himself by one of the windows at the upper levels of the castle.
“Well, it’s a good thing I play all that Assassin Steed,” wheezed Button, “Now to get in the Castle and see Sweetie Belle!” and opened the window shutters.
“...Of course, Spikey-Wikey,” cooed a posh falsetto voice, “I’d love to go to the dance with you, the most handsome drake in all of Eques-” the voice cut short when the owner caught sight of the colt on the window sill, eyes widening in shock and embarrassment.
That same expression was mirrored on Button’s face who was processing seeing the dragon with a plush toy that greatly resembled Sweetie Belle’s older sister. Not sure of how to proceed, the two did the only thing they could think of in a situation like this: scream.
“GAAAAAAH!” Spike yelled.
“AAAAAAAH!” Button returned in kind with his ears pinned trying to back out the way he came…
...and finding no ground to stand on, fell out of the castle and increased his cry by several decibels.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH- OOF!” Button yelped, finding his fall had been broken a few seconds into the fall. Looking up to find the cause of his salvation, he was met with the stern face of a familiar pegasus guard, hovering several feet below the window he fell out of.
Scared out of his mind, Button couldn’t think of what any of the characters he played in his games would do, so he said the only thing that came to his mind.
“Um, I’m here to see Sweetie Belle? Hehe…?” Button asked sheepishly,
Button grew nervous as he saw the guard begin to smirk...
“...And then I brought him to see you,” Flash explained, with the nervous colt behind him, “Apparently he wanted to see one of the fillies you’re mentoring.”
“That would be me,” sighed Sweetie Belle, “I’m sorry for all the trouble Button’s caused, Flash.”
“That’s okay, Sweetie Belle,” replied Flash, “I’m just glad he’s alright.”
“I think we’ll probably end our lesson here, girls,” Twilight concluded, “Sweetie Belle, would you mind?”
“Not at all,” replied Sweetie Belle, as she dragged the colt behind her by his tail with her magic through the doors of the library and followed her fellow Crusaders in their departure.
“Sorry, Princess Twilight!” called out Button as he was being forcibly escorted by the unicorn filly. As he was leaving, he turned toward Flash, “And thank you for saving me, Mr. Guardspony!”
“It’s my pleasure. And you can call me, Flash. All my friends do,” replied Flash.
Button grinned as Sweetie pulled him through the door out of the room, followed shortly by two other Crusaders.
Flash looked at Twilight, who also began to exit the room, before stopping and turning toward him beckoning him to follow. Flash found himself joining her in seeing the foals off.
“You did very well today, Flash,” Twilight stated as they watched the fillies and colt leave the castle dressed in the late afternoon light to return to their respective homes. “This is the exact reason I wanted you for this position.”
“Really?” Flash inquired, “I thought it was to prevent somepony from breaking into the castle and prevent them from using its magic to mess with time?”
“Well, that is the main reason. But I don’t need a guard stands between everypony and the castle. I need them to be a positive member of Ponyville’s community, somepony who doesn’t intimidate, but who is kind, gentle, and caring. How you interacted Button clearly demonstrates how you have all three of these traits”
“But there are other guards who embody those traits, Princess. Why me specifically?” Flash asked.
“Well,” replied Twilight, as she stared into the setting sun. “I believe our first interactions at the Princess Summit at the Crystal Empire left a bit of an impression on me. And one more thing, Flash.”
“Yes, Princess?”
Twilight lightly kissed him on the cheek. “Please call me Twilight.”
Flash, shocked from this sudden development, could only stutter and form half-words, blood rising in his cheeks.
Luckily, he was saved from forming a reply when a shrill cry of “I KNEW IT!”, followed by a pink mare popped out of the bushes with a hoof pointed at the couple in front of the castle and another balancing a plate of pasta.
“Pinkie Pie! Why were you hiding in the bushes?!” cried out Twilight.
“Duh, I have to make sure this spaghetti doesn’t go to waste before returning to my investigation of the recent string of pastry thefts!” replied Pinkie, before stuffing her face with the pasta dish.
Twilight could only shake her head at her friend’s silliness. Flash rolled his eyes and smirked at the sight. He still had a lot to learn about life in Ponyville, but he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Author's Note
Wrote this back in 2018 for a community art package to be given voice actor Vincent Tong. Did a few edits on it and wanted to share here, since we could always use a few more Button Mash fics.
