Celestia raised an eyebrow as she looked down from her throne at the white, blonde-maned, blue-eyed pony before her. "And, where did you say you were from..." She looked at her notes. "Aryanne?"
"Germany!" she replied.
"And what exactly did you want?" Celestia asked.
Aryanne smiled cheerfully. "I have come for all zee jews! And the gays and lesbians, of course. And the infirm and mentally unsound! And the gypsies! And several others!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Celestia asked, taken aback.
"Why, I am going to take them to zee concentration camps, of course!" Aryanne replied. "These unsightly people must be eliminated for the purity of all pony kind!"
Celestia's pupils narrowed as her eyes widened. "Good heavens, you're a nazi!" she shouted.
Aryanne cocked her head. "Yes? Of course I am. What did you think I was, some sort of sexy mail-order-bride? Heavens, no! I am the embodiment of fascism! Genocide is in every fiber of my existence!"
Celestia would not stand for that.
"The court is in session!" Celestia said, banging a loud gavel while she sat high above the court in her podium, flanked by the other Princesses on either side of her. Before her was Aryanne the nazi pony. But she had a lot of others with her. Her lawyer, not to mention her countless friends, were all humans who were very angry with Celestia. But the sun princess continued anyway. "Aryanne! You stand trial for intent to commit genocide! How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honor," her lawyer replied.
"State your case," Celestia said.
The laywer stood and began to pace around the courtroom. "Your Honor, you must understand. Aryanne is not a threat to you or any of your ponies. She's little more than a joke! No one takes her seriously!"
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Do you find genocide funny, sir?" she asked.
"No, no, of course not," he backpedaled. "But not everyone has the same sense of humor. A lot of people like dark and edgy humor."
"Many others like to live, sir," Celestia retorted. "And they cannot live peacefully if they know there are those among them who would gleefully kill them if they were given the chance."
"But Equestria is a free society!" the lawyer exclaimed. "My client has a right to free speech! To try and get rid of her would be censorship!"
"Free speech does not mean she can say whatever she likes without repercussion," Celestia said. "She advocates genocide. Everything about her, from her appearance to her cutie mark, is a symbol of genocide. There is no law stating that others must allow her to speak her vile rhetoric. And given her blatant symbolism, her very existence is tantamount to hate speech. How is she any different from a swastika sprayed over a synagogue? If she is allowed within our midst, all those she hates are unsafe."
"But there are lots of ponies that love her!" the lawyer pointed out. "Even jews, gays, you name it!"
"It is true!" Aryanne piped up. "There have even been jews who have made porn with me!"
Celestia was at a loss for words. "How... is that relevant?" she asked. "It doesn't matter who likes her or who doesn't. Look at what she is. What she stands for. How can you stand there and defend a nazi?"
The lawyer threw up his hands. "Whoa, whoa! I'm not defending nazi ideology! I'm merely an advocate for free speech!"
"And what about the speech of those who would be her victims?" Celestia retorted.
Derpy was called to the stand, wearing a frown despite her bright, lopsided eyes. When it was her time to testify, she said, "My name is Derpy, and Aryanne wants to kill me. My eyes are funny and I don't talk right. She says I'm 'mentally unsound.'"
The human lawyer approached the stand. "Now now, Derpy, don't you think you're overreacting? Aryanne doesn't want to kill you."
"Oh, yes I do!" Aryanne said. "If I win this case, I will certainly do everything in my power to cleanse Equestria of unfit ponies!"
Derpy continued. "She wants to kill my friends, too. We're all worried about her. If she was alone, we might not be so afraid, but..." her lopsided eyes looked out over the crowd of humans. "All of you came out to support her. You all don't seem to mind who she is and what she stands for. You all seem to like her, and want her to stay. But don't you see how scary that is?" Derpy pleaded with the crowd. "You all say she's just a joke, but what happens when it isn't a joke? How am I supposed to tell which of you are nazis and which of you aren't if you let her stay around?"
The lawyer crossed his arms. "Now Derpy, you can't just call everyone you don't like a nazi."
"But you all love her!" Derpy replied. "You all stick by her, and you came out to protect her, and you want her to stay, even though she wants to hurt me, and she's hurt people like me before! Don't you like me, too? Why won't you stand up for me too?"
The lawyer shook his head. "Derpy, Derpy... Of course we love you, too. Can't we love you both? Can't we all just get along and try to see eye to eye?"
"But she wants to kill me!" Derpy insisted. "We can't get along because she will hurt me! She can't stay! She needs to leave!"
Clicking his tongue, the lawyer said, "You want to exile her just for existing? It sounds like you're just as bad as you say she is."
"Why won't you listen?" Derpy cried. "She hates me for who I am! For existing! I hate her because she wants to kill me! Why doesn't that bother any of you? How can you think this is funny when there are people and ponies around you who are suffering because of her? She's evil! Why are you trying to make her likeable? Why are you trying to show her side of the story? The only thing she wants is me dead! She can stop being a nazi, but I can't stop having weird eyes, and other ponies can't stop being jewish or gay or whatever else she hates!"
Celestia spoke now. "Derpy does bring up a good point," she said. Then, she turned to Aryanne. "Aryanne? Your very existence is an act of hate speech. You are the hoof in the door. If we allow you to stay, then we have to allow your friends to stay. And then we have to allow them to meet and organize. And then it will be too late. I cannot allow you to exist in a peaceful land when you and many others will use you to try and rally and change the opinion of the public toward fascism and genocide. Already, we have heard those opinions voiced today. You and others like you have caused many to forget what you are. They think you're a relic of the past. They think you could never gain power again. But it is clear to me that you already have. But I am not like you. So I will give you a choice." Celestia drew herself up high and issued her ultimatum. "You must renounce your ways, Aryanne. I can sentence you to community service where you will learn to coexist peacefully among the jewish, gay, disabled, and other ponies you target. You can live as you please, as long as you do not do or say anything that would advocate harm to them. You can live a normal life and stop speaking of these things. Even if you quietly believe them in your heart all the same, you can live among us as long as you do not make yourself a threat to those around you. Do you accept?"
The lawyer was spluttering. "That's censorship! You can't tell her not to share her beliefs!"
"And what are her beliefs?" Celestia replied. "That many around her should die for existing, just as Derpy has said. As a ruler charged with protecting my people, I cannot allow that." Then, she turned back to Aryanne. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"
Aryanne rubbed her chin, thinking hard. "Hmm... No deal!" she said. "It is my mission to kill all those who are unfit to live! I cannot renounce that! And I will not be silent among zee pony-garbage! Until my dying breath, I will do everything I can, take every inch, infect every heart, make zem think I am nothing to worry about until it is too late! Nothing less will do!"
"Very well," Celestia said. "Aryanne, I hearby sentence you to death for hate speech and attempted genocide."
The lawyer was sweating, in near-hysterics. "But- but wait! You can't sentence her to death! Then you're just as bad as she is!"
Celestia's lip twitched. She flew down to confront the lawyer. "If there is someone trying to kill you, it is not a crime to defend yourself. Aryanne's intentions are very clear. Either she goes, or we go. She had her chance to give up her ways. But if she will not, then we will remove the threat from among us. After all, as they say, the only good nazi is a dead nazi. Isn't that right?" she asked.
The lawyer drew himself up tall back. "I disagree! You can't just go calling people you don't like nazis! You can't just-"
Suddenly, Celestia punched him square in the face with her hoof, the smack reverberating through the courtroom. "I have had enough of you," she said. "You say you aren't a nazi, and yet you do everything in your power to defend one. You show no concern for the voices of those she hurts. You have no compassion. So let me make this perfectly clear:"
Celestia dragged him up by the collar of his shirt until she was staring him right in the eye. "Stay the fuck away from My Little Ponies."
The laywer and the rest of Aryanne's human supporters fled in terror as Aryanne was led away in chains. Luna flew down to join her sister. "What a sad state things have come to," she said. "I can't believe so many people who claim to love us have become so blind to everything we stand for in Equestria."
"Hatred and bigotry will always exist, even among our fair kingdom. But we have done good work today. Not only did we bring a nazi to justice, but we stood up to those who like her, who think she's harmless," Celestia said.
"Yes," Luna nodded. "We have rid a whole courtroom full of nazis."
Author's Note
Nazi simps fuck off
