Men And Monsters: The Silent Killer

She didn’t know how long she had screamed for, her shrieks of agony were drowned out by the storm.

After a while, she didn’t have any energy left to scream, and yet the anguish was still just as prominent. Pinkamena was on her knees in the alleyway, her arms dangling lifelessly at her sides, face blank as she stared absentmindedly in a catatonic expression. Scootaloo’s cold corpse remained on the ground before her, her removed heart lay on her chest, which had long stopped beating. Any blood on her body had become diluted and spread out by the rain, dark puddles on the alley floor from the heavy storm.

Pinkamena herself was completely drenched, her clothes stained with blood and wet with rainwater. Her right hand had little blood on it as the rain washed most of it away, but couldn’t wash away her guilt. Her pink and black hair draping over her face like a curtain protecting her face from the world, the only part that was visible were her lifeless eyes.

“Pinkamena?”

She barely reacted to the sudden voice, other than an almost unnoticable flicker of her ears. She could make out the sound of rapid footsteps from the rain and thunder, running towards her and stopping abruptly behind her. Then the sound of gasping as they presumably saw Scootaloo’s remains, the sight of a child’s carcass having been murdered in such a gruesome way would leave anyone horrified.

“No...I’m too late.”

Pinkamena’s mouth twitched, but otherwise she remained stationary. She saw out of the corner of her eyes this person bend over, seeing that it was Starlight, one of the last people she would want to see her like this.

“Can you hear me?” Starlight waited for a response, a minute passed and Pinkamena didn’t show any signs of even knowing she was there. “Listen to me: I’m here to help, I promise. I can…” She glanced at Scootaloo’s body, grimacing as tore her eyes away from it. “Fix this. Please, just...let me handle it.”

Starlight’s words came out as desperate, saying them more to convince herself than Pinkamena. She straightened her body and brought her hands to her face, quickly becoming soaked. “God, this is so fucked.” She mumbled under her breath.

Somehow, hearing Starlight say that in such a dejected tone made the sinking pit of guilt in her stomach deeper.

She saw her walk out of her sight as she reached into her vest pocket, pulling out her phone and hovering over it as she typed something in to protect it from the rain. There was the distinct sound of ringing which only lasted a moment or two.

“This is The Syndicate’s mistake management team, if you-”

“Cindy, skip the spiel. It’s Starlight.”

“Starlight? Wow, didn’t think I’d ever be hearing a call from you. What happened? Got frustrated with all your paperwork and threw it everywhere, and now you need help cleaning it all?”

There was a deafening silence after the terrible joke, the only response was a loud boom from thunder. “Do you remember that time I helped you out with your...boyfriend problem? Well...I need to call in that favor.”

Cindy took a moment to respond, the uncharastic seriousness was a rare thing from what she thought of as the most upbeat therapist she knew. “I...was kind of expecting you’d use that to get me to help you find a boyfriend after you finally got over that beefcake Michael, but yeah, I can do that for you. What do you need?”

“I need you...to get rid of a corpse.” She said the last part as a whisper, almost ashamed to say it.

“Oh...I, okay. Can you tell me a bit more? I need to know the...extremity of it, there are different protocols depending on the number and how.”

“They...there’s one victim, a-a kid. Around…” Starlight paused as she peeked behind her. “Thirteen or fourteen. She...had her heart removed, most of the blood has already been washed away by the rain. I...fuck, Cindy.” Starlight covered her mouth with her other hand as she tried to choke down a sob. “Please, I need you to make this go away.”

“Jesus H Christ Starlight, what did y-No, I’m not allowed to ask that. Just…” There was the sound of Cindy sighing as she picked up something, a rattling sound as she opened a container and put something in her mouth. “Be gone in the next thirty minutes, the less people that know you’re connected to this the better, that’s the best I can do for you. I’ll send the smallest team I can to your location, which is...1312 Parkrow. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but whatever you do, do not talk about this with anyone. I know you’re smart enough not to, but this is your first time using our...services, and it’s protocol.”

“Thank you.”

With that Starlight hung up, hastily shoving her phone back in her vest pocket. She stood there and breathed heavily, focusing on trying to keep herself calm. She turned around, avoiding looking at Scootaloo and cautiously placing her hand on Pinkamena’s left shoulder.

“Pinkamena, can you get up? I...called some people and they’re going to handle this, we can’t be here. My apartment isn’t far, I can take you there and...help get you out of those dirty clothes and take a nice shower, okay? Please, you told me to save you when you need it. Let me.”

Starlight’s voice was extremely gentle and low. It was hard to tell, but it felt like some tension had left Pinkamena’s body. She slowly got up, her arms remaining at her sides until she was on her feet. Starlight hesitantly grabbed her hand, guiding her out of the alleyway. She didn’t resist at all, moving by dragging her feet against the ground, a slow pace that Starlight didn’t want to push out of immense concern.

As they turned the corner of the alleyway, Pinkamena watched her right hand, turning it upwards. While the rain had washed most of it away, there was still red blood under her fingernails, and some it splattered on the palm of her hands where the rain couldn’t reach.

“I…”

Starlight halted, the sound of Pinkamena’s hoarse and empty voice was like a stab straight to her heart. She bit the corner of her lip as she peered over her shoulder at her.

“I...want to die.”

She was unable to suppress a sob as her voice cracked, the complete blank expression as she bluntly stated her desire for death was heartbreaking to an extent she’d only experienced when trying to heal the mental scars of any of Blake’s victims.

Starlight did a one eighty and embraced Pinkamena in the tightest hug she could, ignoring the drenched clothes and dried blood on her face.

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.”

**************************************************************************************

The rest of the trip to Starlight’s apartment was done in absolute silence. She did not want to say anything out of fear of breaking down, she needed to keep moving. Pinkamena remained in a near catatonic state, even though her breathing was silent, it felt more like she was dragging a heavy mannequin than a person.

Starlight didn’t know what to do, and that terrified her. She never had to deal with anything like this before! The only post-trauma victims she had to deal with were Blake’s victims, and, at most, that was a month after he was done with them. She had been taught and trained on how to deal with trauma victims, but dealing with those made her realize no book or instructor could truly prepare you for it.

This was different, and significantly worse. She was connected to the person she needed to help, not to mention that the event that caused it had to have happened in the last hour at least.
She hated to compare one horrible thing to another, but this wasn’t similar at all.

She murdered a child.

The thought of that was almost inconceivably horrible, and yet it had happened. Starlight held no animosity towards Pinkamena for it, there was no doubt in her heart that it was some terrible accident, she refused to believe there was any chance her friend had intentionally done something so unforgivable.

They made it to the apartment with little trouble. There were a handful of people on the streets, as per usual during the nighttime of Manhattan, but none of them did anything. Starlight’s apartment was a building in a row of other buildings, which meant there were no stairs they needed to climb.

She opened the door and entered, shutting it behind them and flickering on the lights. Her apartment was very small with very little in it. The room they were in was the living room and the bedroom, a bed in the center of the room that was barely big for one person. A TV across from it with a VHS player underneath, and a wardrobe in the back left of the room that held all of her clothes.

The only thing else that was visible was a doorway to the left of the entrance that led into a kitchen area, and a door in the back left that didn’t have anything to give away what it was. There was a window beside the entrance door that showed the outside, but the shades were closed leaving no way for light to peer through.

“I know it’s not much. It’s just...I’m not home often and I never have guests, so I didn’t see a point in getting some fancy apartment and a lot of furniture.” Starlight let go of Pinkamena’s hand, walking towards the back of the room and opening the door. “Wait here, I need to get something.”

Pinkamena listened to her and remained in the center of the room, in such a severe state of shock she couldn’t even form a coherent thought, mindlessly remaining on autopilot.

Starlight came back in, a towel draped over her shoulder. “Pinkamena, you...should really take a shower. There are clean towels in there and I can give you some of my clothes, I’ll slip them in under the door. I’ll be out here changing into something else. We can talk after, ok?”

The thought of a warm shower was admittedly enticing. She nodded and walked into the bathroom as Starlight went over to her wardrobe to pull out some clothes. The inside of the bathroom was about what she expected from an apartment like this, with the exception of the mirror. There was a towel draped over it, preventing her from seeing her reflection. She had a guess that it was related to something psychological, but she didn’t care enough to think about it.

She undressed without a second thought, placing her ruined clothes into a pile, with the exception of her necklace. Her movements were tense and robotic like a machine’s, not even a singular twitch or change in the expression on her face.

She stepped into the bathtub, pulling the curtain to cover her and turning on the shower head. The cold water blasted her in the face, and yet she didn’t react at all, the water began to wash off the dried blood on her body. When the water began she repositioned herself, her hair was annoyingly sticky and she needed to fix that.

Pinkamena made the mistake of looking down, seeing that her black blood was mixing with the water like a pollutant. Her body was unscathed, not a scratch or scar despite her numerous battles. She reached for a clean bar of soap, noticing that Scootaloo’s blood on her hand had to be more thoroughly rinsed.

She tried to use the soap bar to get it out, and while that worked, the red blood flowing with the water caused the memories she’d been trying to push down to break through. She scrubbed harder as she closed her eyes, which only made it worse. With the darkness of doing so, she could see Scootaloo’s face, almost feeling her small arms feebly trying to do anything she could to save herself.

The sensation of her weakly beating heart in the palm of her hand, blood soaking it and dripping through her fingers.

Her shallow breathing as the life force drained out of her.

The look in her eyes as the light faded away.

The final words she spoke, a single word asking why her life had been cut so short.

None of which Pinkamena would ever be able to forget.

She began to hyperventilate and apply more force, scrubbing with so much pressure her skin was going raw. Biting down so hard on the inside of her cheek that black blood began to drip out of the corners of her lips, her attempts at drowning out the anguish with physical pain didn’t work.

It wasn’t until her entire hand was raw and the soap bar was in two did she stop, slamming her hand against the wall and yelling out of frustration as she did. She bent over with her other hand clutching the necklace at a desperate attempt to calm herself, her in a bug eyed expression as she clenched her hand tight enough to draw blood.

“Pinkamena? Are you okay? I heard you yell.” Starlight asked from the other side of the door.

She snapped out of her agony induced trance, glancing at the wall she had just hit, which now had various cracks in it with her fist at the source. It was a good thing she was already weakened from her fight earlier, or there would have been a hole there instead.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She lied through clenched teeth, pushing down every emotion that was trying to bubble to the surface.

The rest of the shower went without incident, thouroughly washing herself with every hygenic product in there. She scrubbed every part of her body until all of her skin was raw. Used so much shampoo and conditioner that her hair felt rigid.

No matter how much she tried to purge herself, she didn’t feel any less dirty than when she entered.

She grabbed one of the towels on a rack to dry herself as she walked towards the door, seeing that Starlight did slide some clothes under the door. It was a pair of light purple panties and matching bra, along with an ebony black t-shirt and jeans. The idea of wearing underwear that Starlight had worn before should have made her feel some form of embarrassment, but with the state of mind she is in, it was taking everything she had not to feel anything at all.

They fit relatively well, she wouldn’t have guessed that her and Starlight were so close in sizes. The only complaint she had was the bra was a size too small, making it tight and uncomfortable. She could tolerate it, she’s had to deal with worse.

She was a bit surprised by Starlight’s appearance. She didn’t think that Starlight was the type to wear pajamas, but she was. A cadet blue onesie with white star patterns all over it, covering every part of her body below her neck, taken on and off by a zipper in the middle. Her hair was also not in the same style as usual, now being held up in pigtails.

She was in the middle of fixing the bed when Pinkamena came out, standing up and adjusting the collar with a slight blush. “This is...what I wear when I can go to sleep here. I want you to be as comfortable as possible, so...just try to think of this like the sleepovers you used to have a lot.”

“You...want me to stay the night?” She murmured, her voice croaking a bit as it was still sore.

The blush on her cheeks vanished as she narrowed her eyes. “Pinkamena, after what happened, I don’t want to leave you alone tonight. Whatever your plans were, they’re cancelled. You take priority. You can take my bed, I have an air mattress tha-”

“No.”

Starlight closed her mouth, her face relaxing at the sudden interruption.

“Starlight, I couldn’t ask you to do that for me. You can sleep in your own bed, I’ll take the air mattress.” Not that she actually expected to get any sleep.

“I...can’t do that to you, not tonight. It seems we’re at an impasse. I…” She turned to the bed again. “I know you might need to be...comforted, physical contact is one of the best ways to do that. If you don’t mind, we can...share my bed tonight.”

Starlight was hiding her face and uncomfortably fidgeting, but Pinkamena could tell despite how uneasy it made her, she was only suggesting doing so because of how worried she was and was trying to do everything she could to help her.

It was touching, but also only made her feel worse, what happened pushed her past the point of helping.

“I understand if you don’t want to. After Blake, I would imagine it’s difficult for you to be able to physically touch anyone. I do-”

“Starlight.” Pinkamena said to interrupt her rambling before it got too far. “It’s fine if it’s you, I trust you.”

Starlight was stunned by how easily she stated that, watching her as she laid down on the bed. Pinkamena rested her head on one of the pillows, having been so long since she was able to lay down in an actual bed she’d almost forgotten how comfortable it was. Her gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, not wavering even as she felt the weight beside the bed sink in as Starlight laid beside her.

“I…” She took a deep breath as she turned to her side to face Starlight, seeing that she had done the same. “Put some cracks in the wall of your shower. I’m sorry.”

They were only a few inches apart, so close that Pinkamena could see her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. Her face was blank as she intently listened to her, not giving away any thoughts or emotions.

“It’s just a wall, it’s fine.”

“I’m...sorry for snapping at you sometimes. I know you’re just trying to help.”

Her lips dropped into a frown, Pinkamena’s voice was low and almost childlike. She wasn’t apologizing just because she was genuinely sorry, she was apologizing because she needed to be forgiven.

“Pinkamena…” Starlight hesitantly rested her hand on Pinkamena’s, worried the contact may upset her. When she didn’t pull back, she gave her hand a soft squeeze to reassure her. “You’re under a lot of stress, especially recently. I can’t blame you for snapping at someone who brings up the things you least want to talk about. Honestly, you’re handling everything a lot better than a normal person would.”

“I’m...sorry that…” The forgiving tone in Starlight’s voice was overwhelming, some part of her wanted to be yelled at, or punished, or something that would let her know that she deserved to feel as bad as she did about her actions. “That I...killed all those people. That I...almost killed Michael.”

Pinkamena had curled up some, hiding her face behind her hair as if she were ashamed to even exist. Her lips were trembling as she spoke, nearly as much as her hand.

“We both know that wasn’t entirely your fault. You were pushed into that corner and forced to fight back. I know that you might never forgive yourself, but...I forgive you.”

“I’m…s-sorry that I…” The fragile dam broke as she was unable to stop her voice from cracking, the thing she’d been building up to was now at the forefront of her mind. Starlight waited patiently for her to talk, her grip on her hand only getting firmer. “I...k-killed scootaloo. I-I didn’t mean t-to. S-she was in t-the alley when I…” She couldn’t continue as she openly sobbed, tears rolling down her face and dripping off her trembling chin.

Starlight moved forward and pulled Pinkamena into a hug, placing her left hand on the back of her head and letting her sob into her shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t have to put up a front with me. I know you’re not the apathetic badass you’ve been trying to convince so many people you are now. You’re just an eighteen year old girl who’s been thrusted into a world that’s too cruel, you can let go with me.”

She began to mindlessly play with Pinkamena’s hair, flattening some parts of it that were in knots. Pinkamena’s entire body was shaking from both the physical contact and mental anguish, the warmth from Starlight’s body was like a haven, a light in the darkness that had overwhelmed her for the past hour.

At that moment, she wasn’t thinking about Blake or even the crush she had on Starlight. She was thinking about how she was seeing her at her absolute worst, after knowing she had committed one of the worst possible sins someone could, and yet she was willing to forgive her for it. More than that, she was offering her comfort, even though she didn’t know everything. She was trusting her blindly, a quality rare in any kind of person.

“I’m...I’m a-a monster. S-she was just a kid, and I...I...” She completely gave in, wrapping her arms around Starlight and sobbing uncontrollably as the agony took over. Starlight groaned from Pinkamena’s bear hug, wincing from the pain but trying to ignore it.

“No, you’re...not a monster Pinkamena. I’ve met monsters, and real ones don’t care that they’re monsters. You made a terrible mistake, but you regret it, and you will for the rest of your life. That’s why I’m so willing to forgive you and trust it was an accident, because you’re a good person, that part of you never did, and never will change.”

Pinkamena loosened her grip, the warmth she was getting from Starlight did little for the coldness that had made its home in her soul.

“How...How can y-you say that? How can you have so much...faith in me? I’ve killed...so many people, now a c-child. I...I don’t want to, but I will have to kill more, it’s unavoidable. How can you consider me a good person? I..I don’t understand.”

Pinkamena’s muttering was hushed, her desperation couldn’t be more evident in her voice. Her grip was tight, but she was making a conscious effort to to hold back a lot of her strength, or Starlight’s spine would have been crushed.

“That’s easy. Because,” Starlight continued to stroke her head like a baby’s, a complacent smirk on her face. “I believe in you. If you were really too far gone, if you were really so broken that the pieces of you couldn’t be picked up and put back together, then you wouldn’t be here begging for forgiveness and breaking down from the guilt you're carrying.”

“I...I don’t think I can move past this, Star. Every...E-every time I close my eyes, I can-”

“Shh...You can move past it.” Starlight placed her right hand on Pinkamena’s back, her words were barely more than a whisper, and yet it was soothing. “You have me, you have your sister, you can do this. It was an accident, a terrible, tragic accident. It wasn’t your fault, we both know you would never willingly kill a child. First, you have to let it all out.” She closed her eyes and reached down, grabbing a blanket at the end of the bed and pulled it over them, covering their bodies in the warm cloth. “I can’t imagine how long it’s been since you cried, I mean really cried. I’ve seen worse, go ahead and let it all out, I can handle it.”

With that, everything burst out, tears soaking the shoulder of her onesie as she wept. Her entire body curled up in a near fetal position with her knees to her stomach, her upper body leaning into Starlight with her fingers clutching parts of the onesie. Each agonizing memory bubbled to the surface, the agony linked to them following suit.

She let out a muffled scream at the sight of Scootaloo’s body, gritting her teeth as Rainbow’s battered face flashed in her mind, chest tightening at the fear etched on Sunset’s face. How much it hurt her to know the people she used to care about were terrified of her, the mental torture she endured in that cabin was fresh in her mind.

Starlight was right; She couldn’t remember the last time she really cried, now that everything she’d been pushing down was coming out, she couldn’t stop it.

It was hard to say how much time had passed before she died down, her snot and spittle covering her face and Starlight’s shoulder. Her screaming was reduced to gargled sobs that felt as disgusting as they sounded, and then raspy, guttural breathing. There were still many emotions hovering beneath, far too many that could be dealt with in a single breakdown, but she was too physically tired. While she had no injuries, she was exhaused from having pushed herself so long and having lost so much blood, especially without eating anything.

Pinkamena relaxed a bit and shifted around, pulling her head back and trying to clean off
whatever she could with the front of her shirt. Her eyes were getting heavier and her entire face was sticky, but it was mostly dry with the exception of her eyes, which were red around the edges.

“Starlight?”

“Hm?” Starlight hummed, having remained silent and motionless, stroking her head patiently.

“Why...did you become a therapist?”

Starlight’s body tensed up, clearing her throat as she began to twirl a random strain of black hair between her fingers. “That’s...kind of sudden. It’s a really boring story, are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Yeah, I…” She paused as she uncurled her body, trying her best to keep her eyes open as long as she could. Every time she blinked she saw the face of someone she’d hurt. “Need to think about something else right now.”

“I don’t mind, just remember that I was a very different person. Sometime in middle school, I fell into the popular crowd. The kind of people that like to bully the less fortunate to make themselves feel better, sadly, I was very impressionable at the time and thought that was normal. The problem was...I liked it, the feeling of control and power. I didn’t want people to respect me, but to fear me. Getting high grades was easy, that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be in control of all the people around me, I became manipulative. I’d blackmail, lie, do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted to get whatever I wanted. Sometimes just because I was bored, other times just because I just wanted to see if I could.”

“That’s...why you got interested in psychology? To manipulate people?”

Pinkamena wanted to say she was surprised by this, but after finding out her father was a crime boss and her best friend is a vigilante, finding out her therapist was a control freak in school wasn’t that startling. Especially considering one of her best friends went through something similar.

What made her more curious about it was that Sunset had to be blasted with otherworldly magic to become who she is today, so what changed Starlight?

“...Yeah. I’ve always been incredibly book smart, learning everything from self-awareness theory to cognitive dissonance made pushing the right buttons too easy. Soon, I got everything I wanted. People feared me, I could date who ever I wanted, bully whoever I wanted, and no one would bat an eye.” Starlight’s voice was solemn and distressing, her throat tightening as she gulped. “Except for one.”

“His name...was Sunburst, and he was my only real friend. Since childhood he stuck with me, even when I turned into a total bitch. He also kind of kept me balanced out and prevented me from going too far at times, if it wasn’t for him, I would have gone off the deep end.”

“What happened to him?”

Pinkamena could feel Starlight’s entire body freeze up at the question, her heart beat noticeably picking up. “He...left during the middle of high school. He got an offer to continue his education abroad, apparently his family had connections in Europe. He was always smart and wanted to explore the world, he was struck with severe wanderlust and wanted to learn as much as he could. Or...maybe that’s just me justifying why he left. Even to this day, I can’t stop thinking that he left because he couldn’t stand the person I became. While I can’t blame him, that doesn’t get rid of the fact that it felt like he...abandoned me, and it really hurt.”

She could tell Starlight was holding back a sob, she clearly valued her relationship with this person a lot. Bringing up the deep rooted problem made Pinkamena regret asking, she was all too familar of how much abandonment hurt.

“I’m sorry. Did you…” Pinkamena paused as she drew a breath, unconsciously grabbing her necklace through her shirt. “Love him?”

“I might have, or maybe it was just a high school crush, who knows? I haven’t talked to him in a long time, couldn’t even tell you if he was alive or not, I’ve been too afraid to try to find him. While the sting of him leaving will never really go away, in a way I’m grateful that he did. The loneliness that set in afterwards as I realized I didn’t have anyone is what pushed me to change, being alone is...one of the worst things that could happen to someone. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how horrible it can be.”

Pinkamena remained silent, her grip on the necklace becoming tighter.

“When I went to college, I saw it as an opportunity to become someone else, someone I wasn’t ashamed to be. New places and new people, I dedicated myself to my studies and trying to be the person anyone could get along with. However, there were some habits I couldn’t drop, such as analyzing people and writing down what I thought was wrong with them in a book. Stuff like that became...ingrained into me and I couldn’t shake it, but hey, at least it makes my job easier, right?”

Starlight nervously chuckled, but it did little to hide her unease. Pinkamena tried gently rubbing her back with her other hand, hoping she could make her feel better.

“If you were trying to change so badly, why did you continue going into psychology? Wouldn’t that make things harder to stop being so controlling?”

“It did, but I genuinely do have a strong love for psychology, even the nastier parts of it. Plus, Pinkamena, I…” She paused as she lowered her head. “hurt people, terribly. Some of the things were so bad that I was afraid to check up on some of my old classmates after graduation, knowing there was a very real possibility they’d done something...permanent.

I know that I can never make up for it, but the best I can do is put my skills to help people, even if a lot of those people are criminals. I especially want to help people like you Pinkamena; good people who are put in bad situations. The type of people that need help more than anyone, but most have stopped asking because they don’t think they deserve it.”

Starlight composed herself as she shifted, wrapping her arms around her and bringing her closer into a hug. “You do deserve help, if you can’t believe that, then believe me. No matter what it is that you did, I’ll help you, all you have to do is ask. As long as I’m alive, you’ll never be lonely again.”

The comfort Starlight was offering was so overwhelming it was almost smothering, her heart was still beating like a drum, and still she couldn’t focus on her. Pinkamena’s entire body began to warm up from their body heat, making it harder for her to stay awake.

“Star?”

“Yeah?”

“If you weren’t my therapist…” Her words slurred as her eyes shut, darkness encompassing her vision. “I think I’d fall for you.”

**************************************************************************************

That was the last thing Pinkamena remembered before she finally fell asleep, something she didn’t think she’d be able to relax enough to do.

She awoke in The Dark Room, on her knees with nothing but the abyss surrounding her. She had hoped that for just tonight they would allow her to slumber in peace, but she shouldn’t have expected that.

“Will I ever get to dream again?” Pinkamena asked out loud.

“When neither of us have anything to say to another. So never, essentially.”

She didn’t need to look to know who it was. Alice manifested behind her, voice so monotone it was impossible to tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

She got to her feet and turned to face the omnipotent child, her expression completely blank, but not empty. Pnkamena’s eyes were hollow of anything but unbridled rage, her clenched hands shaking at her sides.

“I understand you’re quite upset, considering what happened, I can not blame you. Yet I-”

Before she could finish her sentence, a pink fist had decided to make its home in the center of her face, the blow forcing her downward and sprawling on the non-existent ground they stood upon. Alice’s body had no weight, like punching a pillow case, and was frustratingly unsatisfying.

“Why...why didn’t you…” Her breathing was heavy and erratic, grinding her teeth so hard it was audible. “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME?! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER!”

Alice resembled a doll more than usual, limbs facing different directions and completely unresponsive on the floor, like a toddler had tossed her across the room during a tantrum. Without warning she began to stand up, her movements stiff and a mockery of a real person.

Despite having been hit directly moments ago, her face was free of any signs of it, along with any expressions at all. “Just this once, we will let you get away with that. Don’t expect it to happen again, not even Igneous got a freebee like that.”

The nonchalantness of her statement only further fueled the flames of fury Pinkamena was struggling to hold back. “Alice, enough of these games! I don’t have the fucking patience for this! WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME?!” Pinkamena ignored the warning she was given earlier, picking her up by her dress a few inches above the ground. “After seeing that it was Rainbow behind the mask, you should have…”

Realization dawned on her as her grip loosened on Alice, her teeth pressing tight enough together to crack. “You knew...didn’t you? Even before I took it off, you knew it was Rainbow. That’s why you kept telling me that I’d need to kill them, you were trying to convince me to do it before I could learn who it was.”

No matter how right it sounded, she wanted to be wrong. She hated the idea of playing into their hands, especially with this.

“Igneous...figured it out through ways you can’t know yet. We decided not to tell you as TSK needed to be taken out. While we accepted the possibility you would just take their mask off after killing them, we assumed if you were pushed over the edge with rage, you might just mangle them beyond the point of recognition.”

“You...You would have…” The empty tone in her voice only further angered her, each sentence pushing her to strike her again despite the consequences. “Made me kill my best friend?”

“...Not knowingly. After you learned the truth, we tried to calm you down. We didn’t expect it to work, but increasing your bloodlust was not our intent.”

“Then why...why didn’t you knock me out or something? Anything would have been better than what happened.”

Pinkamena’s voice began to waiver as she spoke, her mind struggling to come up with any possibility she could to blame at least some of it on The Whispers.

“Putting you unconscious wasn’t a possibility. There was so much adrenaline and endorphins running through you that it would have taken a bottle of tranquilizer to do it. Despite that…'' Alice dropped her head, her hair covering her eyes and leaving only her frown visible. “We attempted so, and nothing happened.”

“Then you could have given me aneurysm after aneurysm to put me into submission!”

“We tried that too, pain barely even registered and-”

“Do something worse! Break my bones, collapse my organs, whatever you needed to do to stop me!

While her screaming was becoming louder, it was less angry and more desperate, exemplified by how much her entire body was trembling.

“It’s not that simple, we would have to-”

“TAKE OVER MY BODY IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES! IF IT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED HER DEATH, I’D-”

“WE TRIED EVERYTHING!”

Their inhuman scream, a cacophony of disembodied voices that could not be ignored, blasted directly into Pinkamena’s mind. Alice’s physical form shifted until most of her had turned into the same black mist that filled the rest of the void they were in, retaining a semi-humanoid form.

A cold wave of fear washed over Pinkamena, forcing her festering anger to subside as she dropped Alice. A visible aura came off her and blew towards her like the strong winds of a foreboding storm, so overwhelmingly powerful she couldn’t help but fall on her knees in submission.

There was very little of Alice’s masquerade left, various parts of her body with her dress covering it, and a chunk of the right side of her face. Only her green eye was visible, devoid of any light and leering into her very soul.

Then the winds abruptly halted, Alice’s singular eye closed as the rest of her formed once more, the black mist fading into white and then skin, hair, and even her dress appearing out of thin air.

“Sorry for that. We were already in a bad mood before, that was pushing us too far.” Alice’s voice was as hollow as her eyes, having regained her composure. “Like we said, there was nothing we did not try. It’s impossible to say if it was because our influence has been weakened ever since we melded, or if you were simply so embroiled we could not reach you, which is a first for us. We intend to look into this further and see exactly what happened, but there was nothing we could have done to stop you.”

“You’re...you’re saying that, no…” Her arms fell limplessly at her sides. “If you hadn’t forced your pent up anger onto me, I wouldn’t ha-”

“If we hadn’t released the shackles you had placed on yourself out of fear, you would have died in that place. Don’t try to pass the blame on us, it wasn’t our bloodlust, it was yours.”

Pinkamena’s head began to drop. She let out a sharp gasp as Alice grabbed a chunk of her hair, yanking her head and leaning down until her face was inches from her own. Her eyes were cold and unforgiving.

“Did you just selectively forget what we told you? All we did was give you what you’d been neglecting yourself, and a simple command to kill. True, we did say that it would not go away until you killed. Yet if you truly cared about your friend, and did not want to kill like you’ve been saying before, wouldn’t you have found another way? You chose to indulge and chase your prey knowing who it was. You could have searched for a random criminal insead. While regretful, it was your decision that resulted in the death of that young child, even if it wasn’t your intention.”

As much as she hated the derisive undertone, there was truth to Alice’s words. She should have been able to stop herself, she’d been telling everyone that she was trying to control herself, and she failed when it mattered most. She should have tried to find someone else to let her rage out on, a criminal, even a stranger would have been better.

She hated The Whispers, but she couldn’t blame them for this. She accepted their help, and all the risks that came with it. Which meant…

“I...it’s my fault. Scootaloo’s dead, I...killed her. Oh god, I killed her.”

Alice let go of her hair, letting Pinkamena drop to all fours and begin to sob. It was possible she would have thrown up too, but it would seem she was unable to do so here. Alice said and did nothing, watching with her hands behind her back.

“I...I should have said no. I should have just died there. Better me than Rainbow or Scootaloo, why didn’t you just let me die?!”

“You’re right: If you had died there, they both would have survived. Maud would have been forced to become the leader in your place, and everything would have gone downhill. Thing-”

“Stop trying to justify what I did!” She slammed her hands against the non-existent ground, the sensation only able to be described as the air suddenly hardening where her fists landed. “I’m...Starlight’s wrong, about everything. I’m not a good person, I’m a monster, and she can’t help me.”

“Hm. Well, Starlight was right about one thing.” Alice grabbed Pinkamena by the chin, lifting her head up to face her. “You will get past this.”

A familiar cold feeling began to spread from her chin to the rest of her body, numbing out every other emotion.

“You may never forgive yourself for this, nor will you ever be able to forget it. That’s fine, you must remember your mistakes so you don’t repeat them. We will help you move on, but first.”

Alice retracted her hand, gesturing for Pinkamena to stand up. She obeyed, getting to her feet and wiping her face. Alice snapped her fingers as an image appeared before them, an almost picture like projection of Rainbow Dash. She was in pajamas and smiling, engaged in a pillow fight at the last sleepover they had together before hell encroached on her life.

“We’re going to save your friend.”