My Little Sniper: The Beginning
Chapter 1: So Ordinary a Day
I had the saddlebag under my head and was lying on my back, comfortably nestled between the huge roots of a tall old oak, contemplating the sky veiled grey. Next to me lay the only friend I had in this dark world. My Dr-8 Dragon or, as I called it, Little Dragon. A sniper rifle with a three-bladed side trigger helix, a hoof-holder ring under the barrel, a buttstock replaced with a supportive bow, and a strap to hang it around the neck. 7mm, three rounds per magazine. Lightweight but short-barreled, Dr-8 was designed for urban combat, hitting eight hundred metres, though that was negligible for such a weapon in our good old Equestria. Plus, it had a crossed sniper sight and was complemented with an aiming spell that allowed you to take down enemies without much trouble. She is a good thing, really; she saved my life more than once…
Who am I? An ordinary zebra with an unusual name. Yes, a very unusual name. For my name is… Twilight Sparkle. Yes yes, Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle Black, to be exact. I was named after the last ruler of this shitty country formerly known as Equestria. But it hasn’t been called that for about three hundred years. Ever since Princess Celestia and Prince Ironwield’s son Maxwell came to power.
I didn’t know much about that time. After his parents died and Luna perished, he went completely mad, killing Twilight and becoming the sole ruler. Then the whole Equestria was dumped in a sea of crimes and corruption — not for long though, because soon the people of Equestria started a rebellion against the tyrant. A war to end everything. With megaspells and bullets and fire. And Equestria was just gone. But how much truth did these legends hold? I didn’t know that. Frankly, I didn’t want to know.
I looked up at the sky again. The clouds covered the golden disk of the sun, that lovely and beautiful sun, but its rays still managed to break through the grey veil. Who moved it now when the princesses were dead? This question had once given rise to much controversy. After the war, some hotheads said the sun actually moved by itself and the princesses only took the credit of controlling the celestial bodies… But as it soon turned out, sometimes the sun just stopped in place as if giving a chance to late-comers to get to a safe place, while at night the moon accelerated its course, seeking to quickly give way to the daylight, salvation for those who in the face of oncoming darkness could only press their guns to themselves and pray — pray to survive the night. Yes, and me too; I was sure the princesses were still alive. In a place high above these clouds, or maybe right behind them, where no pegasus or gryphon or anyone else could fly. They must have been watching us, but they could do nothing but give us hope. Hope for everything to be alright in the end…
I got up from the ground. The first thing I did after was to hang the rifle around my neck and pull it to one side a little so that the barrel was facing the front of me. This way it would be easier to get a hold on it. I threw a saddlebag over my rump, blocking my cutie mark from view. My flanks boasted three six-pointed purple stars located in a way that if they were connected by lines, it would show an isosceles triangle and a red sniper sight in the very middle of it. I never understood its meaning. Well, the sight is clear, but what about the stars? And what did they mean? That I’d shoot my best on a starry night? Hahaha, how funny.
I lifted a hoof, pushed back my mane of a dark blue colour so unusual for zebras, glanced at the sky again, and trotted quickly through the emerald-green grass up north. A light breeze was stirring the leaves in the trees, rustling the weed below and running so pleasantly over my fur. I closed my eyes, imagining that I was walking on the edge of the Everfree Forest in a time before the war or what came after it. How wonderful it would be to just be there, in this world of goodness and light… But there was no way to relax in our world, and I opened my eyes with an involuntary sigh.
The weed was coming to an end. Err, a weird choice of words, but it was a truthful description of reality; there was neither grass nor weeds in front of me anymore, just bare black earth. Oh, I didn’t like open places! And not just because those scars on the land served as a reminder of what awaited you if you’re not strong enough and let others break you.
Burnt tree trunks stood as a dead-silent testament to the past here and there on the blackened wasteland. But who was to guess? Death might as well have destroyed the place rather not long ago.
With another sigh, I stepped onto the dead ground. Something crunched under my hooves, but I knew it was just a branch. I took a deep breath of still a bit clean air and broke into a gallop, sending up black clouds of noxious dust. My nose tingled, and I sneezed as I ran, but I didn’t slow down until I could see a sparse patch of bush ahead of me, and beyond it a wall of forest.
Dashing out of the patch, I first carefully wiped my hooves on the grass, and only then I examined my whereabouts, choosing the direction to move next. There was still a little time before sunset, but I still had to prepare some surprises for the night guests. Of course if there would be anything to protect. And if not… It’s better not to think about it.
I dropped my bag to the ground and opened it, using my teeth to pull out a scroll tied with a hairband. Removing the elastic band, I straightened it and tried to determine my location. The map, old and corrected countless times, hadn’t helped me much before, but now I was almost sure that I was on the right track. Probability… Seventy to seventy-five per cent, I guess.
I rolled the map up again and put the elastic band on it, then put the scroll back in my bag, closed it, and slung it over my back. The rifle swung its barrel in time with my steps as if nodding at me and saying, “Never mind, Twilight, it’s been worse. We’ll make it through!” I wanted to believe her.
I skipped on rocks and hummocks, leapt over lopsided stumps and fallen tree trunks, and skittered deftly between copses of thorny bushes until I crossed the narrow forest line and found myself in the place I’d expected. The remarkably well-preserved plaque "Welcome to Greypony!" served as clear evidence to my guess. A witty prankster left his sign under it, “Here you gonna stay.”
Yeah, that sounds hopeful. But I had no choice.
I pressed my belly to the ground as I crawled forward, trying to make as little noise as I could and mentally regretting the only drawback Little Dragon had: the inability to shoot in motion. I cradled a slight hope that I might not need to use it any time soon. Get it together, you cowardly mare! Crawl on!
Greypony was a small village. A pitiful score of houses that time hadn’t spared. Broken windows and doors, many having holes in the roof or walls. I watched attentively at the grassy road ahead. Not a single sign of anypony ever passing through here. Hopefully it’s empty for real.
One of the houses got my attention in particular. It had been a neat two-storey building of pink colour, but the faded paint was still visible. It looked pretty intact except for a couple of broken windows. Maybe I’m lucky?
I got up on my hind legs and quickly reached the house in short runs from one crooked fence — rather just a set of rotten sticks — to the other, holding my rifle with my left forehoof. With my right forehoof, I pushed open the door and it creaked open in front of me.
I stepped over the threshold into a short corridor. I looked around and listened. It seemed empty… To the left of the corridor was a door that opened into a large room, probably the living room. I decided to check the side passages first.
A bump with the rifle’s supportive bow let me see what was behind the door. Kitchen. Nothing interesting or dangerous. Oh well.
The living room turned to be a circular space with a sofa in the centre and bookcases on the left and right. There were two more doors, one leading to the bathroom, the other to the storage room. Either revealed no sign of hostile inhabitants, only a set of stairs to climb up.
The steps creaked under my hooves. At the top, I found another corridor and three doors that seemed to lead to other rooms. When I got to the first one, I hit it with the supportive bow and immediately bounced back.
I guessed right. It was just an ordinary room. A neatly made double bed, a chest of drawers, a photograph in a wooden frame upon its top, a bookcase, a chair… I went to the photo frame and used my hoof to wipe the dust off the glass. A young earth pony mare and an equally young pegasus stallion stood with their forelegs around each other, faces turned toward the viewer. Hopefully, they got out of here in time… I stated at the symbols cut into the bottom of the frame. “Love each other forever.” That’s good.
I exited the room, closing the door softly behind me, and moved to the second. It was pretty hard to open: the hinges were rusted to the core, but a couple of good kicks did the trick.
A foal’s room. A small bed, faded drawings of ponies hanging on the walls, a glass cabinet in the corner containing toy-like pegasi in uniform, unicorns clad in robes, a dragon with a sword… There were even changelings, three or four of them, wielding spears. So it must’ve been a colt who lived in here. A pegasi-drawn chariot lay overthrown on the floor, as well as… Twilight Sparkle.
It was a pretty, well-made figurine. I laid the rifle on the bed and walked over and picked it up with my hoof. The smile had worn from the alicorn’s face, but all the rest was almost untouched by time. I didn’t know why, but I put it in my bag.
The third door didn’t arouse any suspicions from me. I closed in, hit it open and…
“Buck you!” I shrieked as I jumped out of the way.
A little grey mouse scuttled out into the hall, squeaking, terrified even more than I was.
“You scared the hell out of me, you little devil,” I muttered in a coarse voice.
The room turned out another foal’s room. That one belonged to a filly judging by the huge plushie of Rainbow Dash sitting on the bed and the sheer number of pony dolls arranged neatly inside a glass cabinet. Had this family got crazy about buying cabinets of the same type and forcing the whole household to use them?
I came downstairs and went to the front door first. Fortunately, it had an iron bolt, sturdy and still intact. Perhaps some spell was cast on it before they left? I bolted the door and trotted into the kitchen. The window glass in here miraculously survived, and I just closed it. I thought that’s enough for security. Then I went out into the corridor and closed the kitchen door.
The windows in the living room were broken, but it took only half an hour of skilled application of a hammer, nails, and planks found throughout the house to feel comparatively safe. When I was done with all these important things and got upstairs again, I decided on the filly’s room and finally called it a day.
The first thing I did before sleep was to dump on the floor my small fortune. The already mentioned map, a powerful flashlight, four thick candles, a plate-stand for a candle, a can opener, five boxes of ammunition by twenty pieces each, four spare magazines, a wooden bowl, a metal fork, bags of dried weed — no, no no no, don’t think of it like that! Just dried herbs! Then, jars with some useful stuff, two flasks of water, canned food, bandages, and some other trinkets.
I glanced at my watch. It was just the right time, and the sun was still an hour away. I closed the room’s round window and drew the dark pink curtains tight. Using a small lighter with a side-button incendiary (I don’t know what it’s actually called!), I lit one of the candles and put it on the stand. I opened one of the ammo boxes and unscrewed a jar, which revealed a bright golden liquid. I took a napkin out of my napkin ball, spread it out on the floor, took the special tongs I’d bought in one of the northern cities between my teeth, and set to work. After I took the round out of the box, I first dipped it into the liquid, held it there for about half a minute, then put it on the napkin and thoroughly wiped it off. Thanks to constant training, I was quite adept at it. I then inserted the round glittering with a golden light into a magazine, and I did so until I filled all four. After closing the box and jar, I returned them to my bag along with the magazines, so I could move on to another but no less important task.
Taking the can opener in my hoof, I unlidded one of my cans and dumped into the bowl a terrible-looking and -smelling mixture of vegetables, into which I added the contents of another can. Eat till fit, as they say. Overcoming my revulsion, I put fork after fork in my mouth, sometimes putting the bowl away and washing down the whole mess along my throat with water which had already started to taste putrid.
After I had eaten and put most of my things in my bag, leaving only a candle, the flashlight, and a spare magazine for my rifle, I crawled into bed, Little Dragon beside giving me a feeling of safety. Putting hoof to hoof, I closed my eyes and began to read the prayer.
“Dear princesses, if you still live somewhere in heaven, thank you for giving me shelter, food, and quiet sleep today. Do a little more for me: help me survive this night. So be it.”
I wrapped my hooves around the rifle, rested my head on the pillow, and closed my eyes.
My Little Sniper: The Beginning
Chapter 2: Not So Ordinary a Night
“Help! Help me!! Somepony!”
I knew crying for help was useless. Nopony would hear and even if they did, they wouldn’t save me. But still I screamed, I screamed, for I wanted to live.
I was sprinting through the streets of a small abandoned town at a speed worthy a pegasus on wing. Even so, I was almost certain I would never leave. They were much faster than a tired little zebra.
I glanced back and shrieked in horror as one of them almost caught up with me. Saliva dripped from its open jaws, dilated black pupils staring straight at me, drawing me in, mesmerizing me, as if beckoning me to join them… I forced my gaze to the ground under my hooves.
If I stumbled and tripped now, I could be considered pretty dead… Keep your breath. Keep your breath, and you’d find a way to escape from these creatures. Ohh, I still hadn’t lost a sense of humour, had I! What a place could you be safe in when you were being chased by a pack of nightbeasts?
The sound of sixteen hooves stomping on the ground was piercing the night. I peered up at the sky: clouds in every direction, no stars and moon in sight. That’s crummy. Although moonlight was not as dangerous for them as sunlight, it’s better to see the road in front of you when you fled.
The beasts were rapidly closing in on me. My heart was faltering, pounding so hard like it just wanted to jump out of my chest and speed on its own, my breathing ragged and shallow, knees buckling, brain churning over thoughts of me finally done… It happened a second later. I didn’t know what had got under my hooves, but I felt myself flying, then I collapsed, wailing in sharp pain and fear, as they were upon me…
I woke up. I was lying on the floor, having rolled out of bed, and my right forehoof was badly bruised. It was still dark. I dared not to move a muscle for a few seconds and just lay on my back, eyes closed, breathing deeply, trying to calm myself. It was just a dream…
Creaking. The creaking of the stairs. I listened to it cautiously. Holy Celestia, Luna and Twilight Sparkle! I looked at my watch and for a moment I thought my heart would stop. It was a whole hour before dawn!
As I scrambled on my legs, I pulled a lighter out of my saddlebag and lit the half-burnt candle end. I threw spare magazines onto the bed, put out the already opened box of ammo, and grabbed Little Dragon as I took the safety off. I slipped a hoof into the hoof-holder, pointed the gun at the door and froze waiting, praying in my mind to all three princesses.
It had already got upstairs and must have smelled the air. My smell permeating the air. I felt fear rubbing my back with its pointed, sharpened claws. Okay, freak, come here! I’m gonna give you lead for dinner!
It scraped at the door. Thought I wouldn’t notice it? That almost joyful thought flew into my head and was gone just as fast. I put my right forehoof to the trigger helix, trying to steady my breath and waiting until it started to break in.
A tremendous blow shook the door, but the small hook that held it fast somehow didn’t budge. I felt my fear gone and instead there was only cold calculation. My usual thoughts began to flash through my head, working out the situation and what to do next. Shoot, twist the helix, shoot, twist, shoot again, pull out the magazine, two seconds, load a new one, four seconds, twist the helix, one second, shoot again, one second… So little time!
Another blow. Was the creature so weak?
“Come on!” I shouted to provoke the nightbeast.
Where had they come from? Hell knows. Nightbeasts… Eternal wanderers, an accursed lot with a rotten soul, driven by the single desire: to kill. Kill anypony who got in their way. When the day came, they lose their physical body and hid from the sun’s rays in crevices and depressions of the earth deep enough to be impenetrable for sunlight. At night they went out to hunt, returning their true form in the time when darkness reigned supreme. But they were not the same cheerful ponies that once frolicked on the plains and meadows of Equestria. Neither dead nor alive… Not even zombies. I’d felt sorry for them as a foal, and as I’d been growing up I hated them, but now I felt about them the same way as I did about everyone else who deserved a bullet in the head. My only consolation was that when I killed them, I sent their souls to eternal rest. Or maybe not rest, but a better life? I guess I’d be able to check it out soon…
The third blow was stronger than the previous two, but the door held sturdy again. Good, hard wood, I thought. But the fourth one was unlikely to bear no effect.
There was a howl, a deafening, high-pitched howl, and simultaneously the creature struck the last blow. The door came off its hinges and I hit the trigger helix with all the strength I could muster. The shot banged painfully in my ears, the supportive bow slammed into my chest, and the bullet thundered out of Little Dragon’s barrel, swooping toward the nightbeast and smashing into its ugly face. Though I had closed my eyes quickly, the bright flash of sunlight still hurt my eyes. The nightbeast roared in rage and pain, torn apart by a burst of solar energy. Then the howling stopped and there was silence.
I twisted the helix and ran a hoof across my face, keeping my sights on the doorway while trying to ignore the stars dancing before my eyes. Was it the only one? But they always went in a pack!
I realized I was right when I heard more screams below. Three or four of them… Shit!
I darted out into the hall. There it was, coming up the stairs! I struck the trigger but the shot went amiss, the bullet sliced through the air above the creature’s head as it deftly leapt down; the shot hit the wall and flashed — but the beast was too far from the epicentre to suffer any harm. I fired again just to buy some time and immediately ran back into the room. The empty magazine dropped to the floor with a distinctive ringing sound as I loaded the second one, turned the helix and glanced back — just in time. The monster already stood in the doorway. Given its snout and broken horn, it had once been a unicorn mare. But so long, long ago. I could see her sharp, non-pony teeth and dilated pupils.
“Catch it!” I yelled and struck the helix.
Once again, my ears were tested, even the protective spell that was supposed to muffle shots didn’t help. Being already erased, probably.
But I didn’t miss; the bullet reached its target, piercing the head of the nightbeast and bursting behind its rump, sending the monster into nothingness in a wave of light. Two down.
I veered Little Dragon’s helix, waiting for the show to go on. But now that they were convinced of my power, I didn’t think I’d have to wait long.
I heard a strange thump a moment before the creature reached the window, climbing easily up the outer wall. I turned and fired, raptly turning my face away. The bullet smashed through the glass, dug into the beast’s forehead, and exploded. Maybe I still had a chance to hold it till morning?
Not before long, my hopes were shattered. Since I’d turned away in an attempt to save my eyes I did not notice the attacker coming for me from the doorway. As soon as the flash died out, something heavy hit in and threw me on my back. I yelped in pain and fear, trying to point Little Dragon at the beast, but it knocked the rifle with a powerful blow sending it flying over in the corner of the room. I tensed and kicked the monster in the stomach with all my strength, then delivered a mighty facer as I heard its teeth snapping. With another blow, I managed to throw the monster off me. I rolled over on my stomach as the creature leapt at me and clamped its jaws on my back. I screamed in pain but somehow shook the creature off me, and with a left rear kick, I finally knocked it over. As the thing squirmed on the floor, I got up abruptly, ignoring the agonizing burning in my back, and scampered to the rifle.
The nightbeast pounced on me from behind, clearly intending to chew off part of my rump. The impact of its hooves was strong enough to send me sprawling on the floor again. It — I still couldn’t tell who it was — punched me hard in the stomach, forcing the air out of my lungs, then grabbed my leg and tossed me aside. For a moment I realized that I was flying, but only to feel an indescribable pain when I bumped into the wall. I sank to the floor and collapsed at the nightbeast’s hooves, feeling my consciousness leave me.
But just a second before I blacked out and the creature were ready to finish me off, I heard somepony shout. Then came a thundering shot.
“Ma! No! Ma!”
I see the vague memories of my past. I see myself: a pretty little filly cowering in a corner of her room and watching in horror as her foster mother (only when I was older did I realize that she was adoptive, for how could a zebra have been born of a unicorn and an earth pony; who cares though?) is overtaken by a light brown pony and stabbed in the neck with a knife attached to an iron-shod hoof. She collapses, blood spurting from her throat… A furious cry from father, followed a second later by a shot, and the stallion goes down with a split skull just as he stands in the doorway. The little me crouches in the corner, weeping and covering her face with hooves. The real me is trying to move, to rush and help, but I simply can’t. My hooves don’t move, my body refuses to obey me. I see the knifed pony come up to the other me and run the flat of the blade across my throat. Even now I can feel the chill and fear as the bastard stares straight into my blue eyes, as he tries to figure out with his tiny brain what to do with me next…
“Hey, Crag? Maybe we’ll kill her, what you think, huh?” he asks his comrade.
The unicorn that killed my father enters the room, levitating a sawn-off shotgun beside him. He stares at me with a lustful gaze, licking his lips as his eyes ogle my croup, still blank at the moment. I just cry, trying not to look at him.
“Don’t,” he says suddenly. “I think we can make her useful.”
The pony’s knife folds with a click, and he reaches with his dirty hooves toward the little me. But suddenly, she swings and slaps him on the cheek — too weak, too easy. He howls at my audacity and punches me in the chest. I fall, and he delivers a hard kick to my side…
“Don’t you dare!” the unicorn yells to stop his friend…
And everything disappears.
Light. Bright light. Bright sunlight!! It can’t be! No! Yes! I’m alive!!!
I tried to get out of bed, but my entire body ached and wouldn’t obey. I didn’t give up and tried to open my eyes.
I was lying in bed, gently covered with a blanket. How weird, I felt so strange… I had to force myself to lift my leg and throw off the blanket, which completely stupefied me. I was bandaged. What? Whom? By Celestia’s radiant light!
Little Dragon stood in the corner, and next to my bag on the dresser was a jumble of my things from boxes to jars to flasks to the flashlight to candles etc. And that sound. There was… clatter of dishes coming from downstairs?
By Celestia’s triple-darn, double-bucked radiant light! What’s going on?
“Are you awake yet?”
I pulled the blanket over me, staring at a young unicorn of a dark red coat and a light black mane. He was clad in a light green vest and had on his back a peculiar short-barrelled rifle, much smaller in size if compared to my Little Dragon. He levitated a tray with a mug of tea, a few drops of the liquid rolling off its side, and some salad in a deep plate.
“Good morning,” he said smiling at me. “Excuse me, we don’t have a royal breakfast, just this.”
“Yeah… Good morning,” I said.
My head was filled with thoughts. Who was it? How did he end up here? Why as I still alive? And why instead of robbing me or taking me as a prisoner or something worse did this pony just bandage me up and give me breakfast?! Was I still asleep?
“Who are you?” I blurted out the first of my questions.
“Flamestrike,” he introduced himself.
“You… Did you save me?”
“Well, who else?” He nodded. “Okay, no more questions until you eat.” He carried the tray over to me and placed it on a corner of the dresser empty of anypony’s belongings.
“That… all for me?”
“I told you not to ask questions! Now eat, no talking.”
“I-I—” I stammered but he was already gone.
The thoughts kept rolling in my mind like a swarm of angry wasps. I decided to save all questions for later, and so I delicately picked up the spoon in my hoof, scooped up the salad, and put it in my mouth. Mhm. Delicious! It was no match for my canned food.
After emptying both plate and mug, I felt much better. So much that I wanted to act. I got off the bed with awareness and staggered out into the corridor, then down the stairs.
Flamestrike was consumed by the process of surveying the kitchen cabinets. He had spread his findings on the table: two long-bladed knives, a metal plate, a package of some medicine judging by the lid painted with an eight-pointed star, and a jar perhaps containing some condiments.
“Oh, you’re up!” He smiled happily as he turned around. “You’re lucky they didn’t hurt you too much.”
“Excuse me… I’m just stunned a little… You… “ I shook my head, trying to calm down. “Why did you help me?”
“Stupid question. We’re all ponies!”
“An equally stupid answer,” I retorted. “You could have looted my things and as for me—” I decided against further explanations.
He gave me an appreciative glance. “I’m not that low, you know.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I felt my cheeks burning red hot. A red zebra, that’s a sight. “I’ve got some good supplies and the gun…”
“Don’t be ridiculous. This is a real gun.” He pulled a rifle off his neck. It had a sniper scope as well, the hoof-holder located under the barrel, a two-bladed side trigger helix… Quite a fascinating sample. “This is Shock, the best babe you’d ever find. Light and comfortable, capable of shooting a parasprite in the eye from four hundred metres. Magazine for six rounds. A recoil-smoothing spell and stuff as a bonus. Also a Vulture-type scope with a crossed sight…”
“I know, I know,” I said and waved my hoof to silence him. “But how did you find me?”
“It wasn’t difficult. The house shone like a signal light,” he nodded. “And so I rushed to your aid.”
“At night?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“But… They… They’re…”
“Ah yes.” The smile seemed to never leave his face. “Look at that.”
He lighted up magic in his horn to remove from his neck a queer grey hexagon on a white thread and showed it to me.
“A shadowstone?” I murmured. “But they don’t exist!”
“Do they?” He hung the amulet back around his neck. “Well, you’re dead then and it all is just your imagination. I’ve introduced myself, and what’s your name?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Twilight Sparkle Black. Twilight is fine.”
“Twilight Sparkle? Like, Princess Twilight or what?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“Anyway, I hope you’ve completely recovered by now. We have to hit the road in two hours.”
“We?”
“You don’t think I’m going to leave you alone, do you? You owe me your life after all, which means you owe me a wish.” He winked at me mysteriously.
“I’m sorry, but I’m travelling alone.”
“You mean dying alone? What if I’d been too late?”
I wanted to answer him but I didn’t as I realized that what he was saying made sense.
“But you still haven’t answered me, why didn’t you leave me? You could have just left.”
“You’re going to torture me with that?” Flamestrike’s smile vanished from his muzzle. “If you don’t shut up, I’ll show you how good a shooter I am.”
I froze being not sure how to react, but all of a sudden the gravity was absent from his muzzle as fast as the smile had.
The unicorn laughed. “Did you believe me?”
“Actually, yes,” I said. “If anything, I got a rifle upstairs, too. And I can shoot, too.”
“We’ll be able to find out it soon enough,” he said. “Have you heard anything about Silver City?”
Silver City? Buck me. No, buck Celestia. Two strange words expressing my boundless amusement were currently coursing through my mind.
