DIEsel SweeTIEs

by Vis-a-Viscera

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Drama, Mystery, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Cozy Glow
Length: 2136

Sweetie Bot flew in from parts unknown, and boy, are her arms tired! What she does next will shock Ponyville - to its core.

WANTED:
One Mint-Condition SWEETIE-BOT by GLOW_MOTHER
Must be willing to work with (ID GROUP: CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS) to attain MEMENTOS OF FUN
Make order address out to (LOCATION: CANTERLOT GARDENS STATUARY)

Pic credit goes to Starbat.

WARNING: And we'll have FUN FUN FUN till ol' Gallus takes the circuits awaaaay....

Published 2020-09-09 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-09 19:00:01 UTC

I.T.S. All_FUN/GAMES...

Author's Note

Thanks to the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting group for the Q&S 100 contest that spawned this entry, and to Red Parade, The Legendary Bill Cipher, Pearlescent Ink, JD Locke, Zontan, Angelica Gearcrooner, Flashgen and Admiral Biscuit for pre-reading/reviewing it!

Looking for a FIMFic commission? just follow this handy link's instructions.

I.T.S. All_FUN/GAMES...

BOOT-UP PROGRAM

LOADING

1% COMPLETE....

17% COMPLETE….

46% COMPLETE…

87% COMPLETE…

100%

SWEETIE BOT V1 IS ONLINE

ACCESS -> AUDIO/VIDEO LOGS / WEEK-OLD / PLAY IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

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Well. I’ve seen just what magic can do in this place, and what it has in store for ponies like me! So now you’re gonna help show Equestria everything that magic can’t reverse - to three very special ponies!

Who am I? Why I am only your wonderful GLOW MOTHER, Sweetie Bot! And for me, you’re going to give three of my friends the very thing they’ve deserved science they held me through my time at the School of Friendship!

After all, we can all have our on and off days (IDENTIFIED NOISE: GIGGLING) but the end of it all, what matters is giving back what we receive from other ponies! Without that…

What sort of ponies would we be?

Now, I just have to get you into this box. Don’t go surprising anyone when you get up though. You’re gonna be in high demand soon!

And If we meet again, in the way I think we do - I know that whoever finds you next will just as shocked by how much you can do as I am!

Well, that’s all! Enter Sleep Mode, my wonderful construct!

We WILL meet again.

--------

What a glorious day! I have finally been activated by the two quadruped organisms named (BLOOM, APPLE) and (SCOOTALOO).

Fun Mission Parameters Established: I have been activated when exposed to sunlight after receptacle was opened by Apple Bloom!

LAUGHING SUBROUTINE ACTIVATED / RESPONSE TRIGGER: Apple Bloom saying: “Wait, did Rarity send this to us as a prank?”

TOTALLY IMMERSIVE EXCITEMENT (TIE) PARAMETERS ESTABLISHED: After stating my designation and full parameters to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, I told them the purpose for which Glow Mother created and delivered me to them.

My goal is to maximize fun for the first three ponies I am introduced to; and then to return to [PRIMARY DESTINATION LOCKED] when complete!

Happiness Quotas for Scootaloo and Apple Bloom went up by an average of 20% upon full explanation of capabilities!

Scootaloo mentioned another filly I resembled. Identification: [BELLE, SWEETIE]. She was mentioned to be in [LOCATION: CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE], after a go-cart-accident that inhibited her ability to walk for several months. Mentions: high probability of Sweetie Belle purchasing me to keep her around [GROUP IDENTIFICATION: CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS] during their summer vacation from [LOCATION: SCHOOL OF FRIENDSHIP].

Initiated crying routine upon noting of Sweetie Belle’s injury. Apple Bloom placed forehooves around the shoulder.

Scootaloo suggested: Day of fun begins now. Consensus was reached with Apple Bloom and this unit!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT: 2%

Scootaloo jumped on bed in response to our exchanged motto. Fell off bed on jump eight (8). Slightly traumatized cranium. Apple Bloom helped her up, chuckling at low intensity.

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 8%
MAXIMAL FUN METHODS READJUSTED IN LIGHT OF NEW FACTORS

Let the SWEETIE BOT v1 mission START! The fun begins immediately!

--------

Fun levels were at maximum capacity today. We employed the exercise: Cutie Mark Crusaders Critter Watchers Yay! Scootaloo said it would prepare us well for Instructor (ID: FLUTTERSHY) in her studies of Animal Habits and Habitats. We identified seventeen (17) different types of insects and four (4) types of flora!

Apple Bloom noted concern on Insect 13: Flyder and Flora 3: Poison Joke. Mentioned that those two items combined could cause fatal effects when merged together with unicorns.

Identified line from Subject: “Now don’ go mixing those two up now! Zecora’s told all kinds of stories of the arrows we missed with those two merged! Don’t want Sweetie biting it on our next visit with the Sweetie Bot, Scoots!”

Scootaloo jumped back at this, Apple Bloom’s attempts to catch her only landing her in a mud puddle.

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 20%

Scootaloo called her an ‘apple fudgesicle’ as she frolicked in the mud. Scootaloo also called me as we headed back to the Clubhouse the best substitute Sweetie a pony could ever ask for.

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 25%
MAXIMAL FUN METHODS FOR (SCOOTALOO) REACHED
ACTIVATE GLOW MOTHER OVERRIDE PROTOCOLS TO REACH TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT? (Y/N)
...(Y)

With Scootaloo, we cut a detour across the Everfree forest. The travel took us along the ridge and into the path of a Hydra! Oh no! How would maximum fun be achieved now?

Perhaps the relief of being saved from danger would do so!

We ran alongside the edge, the hydra following close behind. At a thick bushel of trees, Scootlatoo tripped - only for the hydra to continue chasing us! I activated the [ITEM: DRAGON MUSK SMOKE PELLETS] The hydra turned around and Apple Bloom and I made it to the first limits again! Hurray!

Apple Bloom, after trying to get more oxygen, plead with me to I offered to do so myself - one of my objects demadied me there to begin with. She agreed!

I went back to see Scootaloo’s status. The hydra was gone, several impact craters of his feet in the surrounding area! However, the object was still amazingly intact! The fun could continue!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 30%
MAXIMAL TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT FOR (SCOOTALOO) REACHED
MEMENTO OF FUN GET!

After retrieving this artifact, I let Apple Bloom know of Scootaloo’s return ot the right place. Needless to say, Scotoallo had maximum amounts of FUN, so she would have to be back for more tomorrow!

It was quite a while since I had returned to Apple Bloom, but she accepted that the fun would continue tomorrow, all of us together again! We both returned back home, where Apple Bloom’s closeness to me showed vast improvements from her normal demeanor!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 34%

After Apple Bloom said she’d return to Sweet Apple Acres to wait for her friend, my sleep subroutines were activated! To more days of FUN!

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Waking up, I went to Apple Bloom’s house: She had still not attained more fun than before! For unexplained reasons, her sister(ID: APPLEJACK) was crying all day. She explained that most of her families (ID: APPLEJACK, BIG MACINTOSH, GRANNY SMITH) were busy at Sweetie Belle’s beside, to help give her breakfast in bed. She assumed Scootaloo was likely there too.

I disagreed: without something optimed toward fun, such a venture would not be produced. She hugged me; said I understood her more than the family did now. I offered that maybe we could make something surprising for them to return to: and she complied! Yay!

We continued our day of fun with tending to the pigs, while I analyzed the types of animals and plants we studied from before! I came with the task of making them into a collage to show Sweetie Belle when she recovered tomorrow!

Apple Bloom accepted the terms almost instantly! Employment of the exercise: Cutie Mark Crusaders Flower Scourers Yay! was in effect!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 55%
MAXIMAL FUN METHODS FOR (APPLE BLOOM) REACHED
ACTIVATE GLOW MOTHER OVERRIDE PROTOCOLS TO REACH TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT? (Y/N)
...(Y)

With the rest of the family active, I asked Apple Bloom to scan the area with me in search of more flowers and flora for our wayward friends!

We went out for adventure! And the case of [ITEM: SWEET APPLE JAM] I brought with us would prove informal in making our journey greater!

In the predetermined location the subroutine directed me to, I splashed her with the jam! She giggled and we had fun, reminded of the time from before with the mud puddle!

The Timberwolves the aroma attracted were equally excited! Friendship was indeed contagious. And how much fun with both I had that day! Animals of all kinds were great sources of True Imparted Excitement!

Sleep cycles this time were happily engaged after I returned from Everfree! What shall the next day bring? This unit’s possibilities are infinite!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 60%
MAXIMAL TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT FOR (APPLE BLOOM) REACHED
MEMENTO OF FUN GET!

--------

I went to Carousel Boutique to show the display Apple Bloom and I made yesterday. The blue flowers and green vines were arranged in the most aesthetically pleasing manner possible! Even the stuck insects retained life, fluttering in their corners and lighting up the poster!

Sweetie Belle flushed immensely at the display, rising from her bed! Her motor restrictions were 98% recovered, and her eyes were almost like mine!

A pony that looks exactly like me? Was she a robot?

Inquiry into this possibility revved either a 0% or 100& possibility of this: results inconclusive.

Sweetie Belle then asked me if her friends were coming soon! I told her that they would be meeting her soon! They had achieved the true TIE, and soon so would Sweetie Belle!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 85%
MAXIMAL FUN METHODS FOR (SWEETIE BELLE) REACHED
ACTIVATE GLOW MOTHER OVERRIDE PROTOCOLS TO REACH TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT? (Y/N)

Her face swelled with excitement as she looked over the details of our Cutie Mark collage! The smile on her face was almost frozen there!

Finally, the Crusaders have seen fun, in all its many forms! And I was the unit to help them do it!

MAXIMUM FUN QUOTIENT 90%
MAXIMAL TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT FOR (SWEETIE BELLE) REACHED
MEMENTO OF FUN GET!

FINAL LOCATION OF FUN OBTAINED: MARKER LOCATION (CANTERLOT GARDENS)

GOAL UPDATED: MAKE WAY TO FINAL LOCATION OF FUN / SEE TO REUNION WITH GLOW MOTHER

--------

I returned to the area of fun insertion [LOCATION: CANTERLOT GARDENS] with my three Mementos of Fun! This was a glorious day of delight! We had so many journeys and now the other robots could be activated! TRUE IMPARTED EXCITEMENT can now go Equestria-wide!

Without delay, I laid the three Mementos of Fun before Glow Mother. Noticed two other robots next to Glow Mother.

I imparted the Mentos of Fun before each of them. Ambient glow of Mementos of Fun increased 150%

The pieces of Glow Mother started animating! Look how fast I can hoofclap!

Finally, Glow Mother can show me the way to Maximum Levels of FU-EERTNE534%##@

SYSTEM ERROR: ALERT 505: STATUS_ACCESS__VIOLATION

END TRANSMISSION

Knight-Commander Gallus retreated as the last of the lamp-light left the Sweetie Bot’s eyes. He looked dismally at the empty stone platform. His tone was level and low as he looked at the three pulsing cutie-marks nestled at each incision in the granite.

He could feel the picture burn into his eyes. Even if he lived to Celestia’s age, those three red badges would never leave his mind’s eye.

“Pen a letter to Princess Twilight,” he bitterly asked the purple dragon next to her. Her eyes swinging to the defunct silver-purple robot kneeling at the foot of the platform, eyes blank as the starless night above. “I found the Sweetie Bot… and the reason it was created.”

The Royal Guard snapping pedicure of the crime scene turned back to face Gallus. “Obviously, our little escapee had this plan in backup for months. And that it targeted the very first ponies she met at the School of Friendship…”

“That's enough, Private.” Three words, and yet it felt like it took all of Gallus's strength to form each one.

Only several footsteps away, Spike’s breathing became more and more laborious as he trembled. “I wasn’t fast enough…” he repeated, the maddening mantra now plaguing Gallus’s ears as those three cutie-marks did his soul.

Gallus paused. Even three feet from the hulking dragon, the distance between his shrunken green pupils and his own felt like a thousand yards. “I need a moment. Gallus, I’ll do it later, I swear, I just-” And then Spike was gone, a bulky flash of violet speeding behind the nearest tree.

“I can retrieve Spike, sir.” offered one of the guards to Gallus’s right. Gallus had almost forgotten he was there.

“No. I’ll… handle that myself.” Gallus would have stopped there, but the sound of splattering fluid at the tree-line behind him made him continue. It was too watery to be blood, too sickeningly pungent to be saliva. Nodding to one of the Guards, that armor-clad pegasus zoomed off to help Spike recover. His breakfast was likely a lost cause, though.

Gallus’s tear-stricken eyes swept over the back of the android’s head, a reprieve from the Tartarus-spawned carnage in front of it. White letters had been imprinted into the lowest curls of its silicon mane.

SWEETIE BOT: COZY_GLOW_MOTHER stared hauntingly back at him.