I think Twilight Sparkle is a vampire

by MrSnrhms

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 2242

Spike thinks Twilight's a vampire, and drags Rainbow Dash into his quest.

Spike thinks Twilight's a vampire, and drags Rainbow Dash into his quest.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a fanfic, so don't judge too harshly. This is actually a pretty dumb idea, but at least I attempted to make it somewhat amusing. Also, this has to be the worst cover image ever.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-26 20:04:01 UTC

The only chapter

I think Twilight Sparkle is a vampire

----A/N: First attempt at a fanfic. I tried to make it humorous. See, “Twilight” is the name of a popular vampire series...oh never mind

        “Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Wake up!” the baby dragon impatiently called from the ground. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

        “What is it Spike? You ruined my nap!”

        “Something’s wrong with Twilight!”

        “Well, that’s news.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

        “You don’t understand! It’s different this time! She’s acting really, really weird.”

        “Wasn’t she already a total egghead? That already weird.”

        “True, but could you just come down from that cloud. This will be easier to explain when we’re on the same level.”

        “Alright, I’m coming. Sheesh.” Rainbow Dash stretched, yawned painfully slowly to Spike’s impatience, and proceeded to glide down from her perch.

        “Okay. I’m about to say something you might find ridiculous, but it’s all true. Okay?” Spike asked.

        “Okay,” Rainbow replied. “Just make it quick, Spike. There’s napping to be done.”

        “Well, Twilight never comes out in the daytime. She says she needs to do something important for the Princess.”

        “That’s fairly normal for her.”

        “Yeah, and she locks the door and closes the shutter at night, and sometimes I hear really disturbing noises from in there. Whenever I knock to check up on her, she yells at me to go away because she’s studying. Also, she barely eats anything. I’ve been watching her eat, and it’s next to nothing, but she hasn’t been losing any weight. This started a few weeks ago,” Spike hesitantly said.

        “I guess that’s a bit out of the ordinary,” the cyan pegasus admitted. “Are there any other weird things Twilight’s been doing?”

        “The books she’s been reading,” said Spike suddenly.

        “Yes?” asked Rainbow Dash quizzically. “What about them?”

        “I’m almost certain I’ve never seen them before. Vampires: Fact or Fiction? On Necromancy and Other Things? The Supernatural? Since when has Twilight been big on that kind of thing?”

        “Never,” instinctively replied a confused Rainbow Dash. “In fact, wasn’t she the only one of us who was actually level-headed about the Zecora thing?”

        “Exactly,” said Spike. “That’s why I need your help.”

        “You need my help with what? Cut to the chase, Spike. What do you need my help with?”

        “Well,” said Spike nervously, as if he was saying something embarrassing. “I think she’s a vampire.” Rainbow Dash laughed out loud. She literally proceeded to roll around on the ground, laughing, much to Spike’s disdain.

        “That’s got to be the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! At first, when you came to me, I thought you were having girl  trouble with Rarity, but this! This is hilarious!” Rainbow Dash laughed.

        “I’m dead serious, Dash.” She stopped laughing, and stood up.

        “Really, Spike?”

        “Really, Dash.”

        “You better promise, Spike, that this isn’t a load of hay.”

        “I promise, Dash. Wouldn’t you want me to Pinkie promise you though?” asked Spike.

        “No. And you know why? Because if this is a prank I’m going to buck you in the head so hard you’ll wake up in a different time zone,”  Rainbow Dash stated flatly.

        “Alright, I get it. But seriously though, do you believe in vampires too?” queried Spike.

        “Yeah. Now let’s go see what’s wrong with Twilight, after we pick up some garlic from the Ponyville Supermarket.”

          Spike and Rainbow Dash walked up to the library. Rainbow Dash knocked on the door.

        “Twilight! You in there?”

        No response.

        “Twilight! It’s me, Rainbow Dash!”

        No response.

        “Twilight! Open this door!”

        No response.

        “Spike! Don’t you have a house key or something?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

        “Nah, usually Twilight responds,” shrugged Spike.

        “Twilight! I’m going to give you 3 seconds to open this door. One! Two! Three!”

        No response.

        “I’m kicking down the door!” yelled Rainbow Dash.

        No response. In a huff, Rainbow Dash smashed the door to pieces, revealing a totally dark room. “Twilight, you in there? Nopony’s seen you for days!”

        “Uh, maybe she went shopping or something?”

        “No chance of that, we would’ve seen her. In any case, the light in her bedroom is on,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

        “Good point. I’ll go knock. Twilight! Open up!” Spike called.

        “Okay, just come in. The door’s not locked,” a muffled voice replied.

        “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to kick down the door,” Rainbow Dash sheepishly said. Spike rolled his eyes. “Hi Twilight, it’s Rainbow Dash and Spike--whoa. ”

        Twilight’s bedroom, normally quite the picture of organization, was an absolute mess. Books of seemingly random description were strewn all over the room, the bed wasn’t even slightly made, and there was barely any light in the room. The sole candle was positioned uncomfortably in the corner. Twilight was reading in the other corner.

        “Come in, guys,” said Twilight without looking up.

        “Uh, Twilight, do you even know what time it is?” Rainbow hesitantly put forth.

        “Of course I do. It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Your point is?” asked Twilight.

        “Why in Equestria is it all dark in here then?” Rainbow exclaimed. “Seriously, let some light in!”

        “No!” screeched Twilight. Spike and Rainbow Dash drew back at the sound, astonished. “I’m sorry. It’s just that the books I’ve been studying are so old that even a little light damages them.” Rainbow Dash shot a look at Spike that said, “I told you so.” However, Twilight turned around, and that look was wiped off her face. Twilight’s eyes were, instead of her usual dark purple, were now a distinctive shade of crimson.

        “Twilight, have you been getting any sleep?” Spike asked.

        “No, I was studying. How could I? I can’t get distracted from what the Princess wants me to do by food or sleep,” Twilight casually replied.

        “Okay then, Twilight. Put those books of yours away safely, and then we can get some light in here. “ Rainbow said.

        “Okay,” said Twilight as she magically levitated her books into a chest, then locked the chest. Rainbow turned on the lights. Twilight cringed at the light, and seemed to shrink.

        “Well she hasn’t seen the light at least a few days,” commented Rainbow to herself. “That’s a fairly normal reaction, I guess.” “Have you eaten lunch?” she asked her friend.

        “Actually, I haven’t. Let’s just eat a late lunch now,” said Twilight nonchalantly.

        “I’ll prepare the food,” Spike volunteered. Rainbow Dash jumped up.

        “I’ll help!” she called. “You just stay here! Keep studying! Replace the door if you feel like it!” Twilight merely nodded.

        “What’s the plan?” Spike whispered.

        “Slip the garlic into her food. See if she bursts into flames. She might actually be a vampire.”

        “Got it.”

        At precisely 4 o’clock, Spike walked out of the kitchen, carrying a large bowl of pasta. “This is a really late lunch, almost dinner actually, but oh well. Lunch is served.” He winked at Rainbow Dash.

        “Wow Spike, this actually looks good,” Twilight said. “Wish you could do something like this all the time.”

        “If I did that I should get overtime pay,” Spike retorted.

        “Not happening anytime soon. Your allowance is big enough as it is,” said Twilight.

        “She’s acting normal enough,” thought Rainbow to herself. “Let’s just wait until she takes a bite. Come on, take a bite already...”

        “Rainbow, you’ve been acting unusually quiet up to now. What have you been up to?” asked Twilight innocently.

        “Darn, she noticed! Why wouldn’t she just take a bite?” Dash quickly though to herself. “Well, today, I, uh, I took a nap.”

        “How exciting,” Twilight commented as she magically levitated a bite of the garlic pasta to her lips.

        “Come on, take a bite,”Dash thought. “Just take a bite, and I won’t have to stare at you anymore! Even though you are kind of cute...wait, what did I just think?”

        “Why aren’t you eating?”

        “Darn it!” Dash thought. “Oh, I’m just watching you eat, ha ha. Nothing wrong with that, right, ha ha?” Twilight raised her eyebrows at this, but then she took a bite. Instantly she began to retch.

        “She is a vampire!” Rainbow exclaimed to herself.

        “Spike!” yelled Twilight. “What did I say about garlic!”

        “Uh,” Spike stammered. “You didn’t say anything?”

        “No! I told you I was allergic to garlic. Don’t you remember?” she yelled.

        “Oh,” Spike said in realization. “You actually did say something about garlic.”

        “Darn it! Again! Okay, just cool it,” Rainbow thought. “Just calm down, Rainbow Dash, act cool. Just keep eating like nothing happened, don’t give any hint of disappointment. Finish your meal and leave with Spike.” The rest of the meal passed in silence.

        “Thanks for coming over, Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight. Her eyes were still red.

        “No problem, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash with a fake smile. “Oh, that reminds me, Spike and I were heading over to Rarity’s after this.”

        “Huh?” said Spike, confused. “Oh yeah! We’ll be gone for an hour or two, be back this evening.”

        “Okay,” said Twilight. “See you!”

Once they were out of earshot, Rainbow Dash said to Spike, “That didn’t prove anything.”

“I guess that didn’t,” admitted Spike. “She wasn’t lying about the garlic thing, though. The red eyes are definitely not normal, however. She’s studied like that before and her eyes stayed purple, not crimson.”

“And what about the complete darkness? I mean, she really could be trying to preserve her dusty old books,” said Rainbow Dash.

“True, but she was reading about necromancy and vampires. That’s probably not normal,” Spike pointed out.

“I guess. Tell you what, Spike. I’m going to go talk to her privately. She might blow you off, but she probably won’t just ignore me, Spike. I’m going to tell her she’s been acting weird, and see what she says. I’ll also demand to see what the Princess told her to do.”

“Good idea. I’ll be at Rarity’s. Don’t forget to wear the garlic!” Spike called.

“I won’t forget. See you in a hour!” Rainbow Dash called back.

        Rainbow Dash took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. What if Twilight was actually a vampire? She knocked on the door.

        “Come in!” said Twilight. Rainbow Dash stepped into the dark library. “Oh hi there, Rainbow Dash, what can I do for you?”

        “Um, Twilight, we need to talk,” Rainbow Dash said.

        “Okay!” said Twilight cheerfully. “Come upstairs, we can talk easier there.”

        “Um, in your bedroom?” asked Rainbow Dash nervously. “Being in a vampire’s bedroom is definitely not smart,” she thought to herself.

“Of course!” said Twilight. “Come on up!”

“Okay,” replied Rainbow Dash. “Here goes...” she told herself.

“Lock the door,” said Twilight. “We wouldn’t want anypony to see any funny business, would we?”

“That’s somewhat weird, but how can I not, if she’s a vampire?” thought Rainbow Dash as she shut and locked the bedroom door.

“Now, Dash, this might sound weird,” said Twilight embarrassedly. “But I always thought you were kind of cute.”

“Hey, same here,” replied a somewhat confused Rainbow Dash.

“Cool, let’s make out,” said Twilight.

“That was fast,” commented Rainbow Dash, closing her eyes. Suddenly she opened her eyes. It’s probably wasn’t a good idea to close your eyes to a vampire. What she saw astounded her. Spike was telling the truth, she realized too late. She watched in horror as canine teeth grew out of Twilight’s mouth, and bat-like wings sprouted from Twilight’s sides. Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash.

“You almost knew the truth,” Twilight hissed. “Too bad for you, you didn’t discover it in time.”

“No,” cried Rainbow Dash. “I thought we were friends! You can’t do this to me!”

“Can’t?” hissed Twilight. “But what is this you’re wearing? Garlic? Pathetic.”

“Oh really?” said Rainbow Dash. “How about now?” she said as she threw her garlic garland onto Twilight. Not conventional vampire hunter practice, she knew, but it would have to do. Twilight blocked the garlic with a wing, and the wing literally burst into flames, but to Rainbow Dash’s horror, the wing instantly regenerated.

        “You can’t escape me, Rainbow Dash,” smiled Twilight.

        “Twilight, no!” sobbed Rainbow Dash. “Don’t do this!”

        “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she bit into Rainbow Dash’s neck as she screamed.

        Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. “Darn it!” she heard Twilight say. “I bit in the wrong place. I severed the windpipe, not the aorta. Oh look, you’re awake. What do you have to say for yourself?”

        “What?” Rainbow Dash cringed at the sound of her own voice. It sounded different, somehow, more gruff and hoarse.

        “Seriously, Rainbow Dash, just look at yourself!” Twilight pulled a mirror in front of Rainbow Dash. “You look like a werewolf with wings!” She wasn’t kidding. Rainbow Dash looked in a mirror and saw a rainbow-toned winged wolf.

        “Okay, Twilight, what did you do to me?” asked Rainbow Dash, still somewhat stunned at her own appearance. “Why do I look like this?”

        “You know how I bit you? Well, I was supposed to sever your aorta and drink your blood, but I accidently bit through your windpipe. Biting your windpipe turns you into a werewolf, biting your aorta turns you into a vampire,” explained Twilight somewhat nonchalantly.

        Rainbow Dash put down the story. “This has got to be the dumbest story I’ve ever read, and it’s probably the dumbest story you’ve ever written. Why are you wasting my time like this?” Twilight’s eyes flashed red.

        “What do you think?” she hissed, incisors prominent.

        Rainbow Dash gulped.