Manehattan Vice

The briefing with Slugshot had just concluded. I pulled out one of my cigars and began smoking it. Not like how I usually do where I take quick puffs here and there, but I was smoking it with haste and speed like I was trying to process my overwhelming feelings that were about to jump out of my chest. After a few seconds, I realized Slugshot was right, the best way to prepare for this mission was to start reckoning with my past, present, and future. I looked around at literal scores of uniformed ponies around the reserve until I was able to pick out Aurora, who was training to use a mortar alongside Iron Loyalty, who was acting as the spotter for her. I decided to approach the duo hesitantly.

"Hey, Aurora, do you mind if I talk with you a bit?" I asked.

"What happened to the days of a job being 'too essential to chit-chat?'" Aurora snarked as she adjusted the mortar angle.

"Oh come on, that's hardly fair, we could die tomorrow!" I pleaded as I got down on one knee with the other two.

"So could I, do you think that the last person I would ever want to think about is my scumbag ex?" Aurora must be taking the stress badly, either that or I underestimated how much damage I did to her. I sigh as these thoughts of guilt swim across my head in a dizzying haze.

"Look, I wouldn't come to you if I didn't want to change!" I yell defiantly, my sentence drowned out by the loud mechanical sound of another shot firing through the mortar.

"Are you looking to change, or are you just trying to assuage your guilty conscience without changing at all?" She said, taking her eyes off the mortar and shooting a death glare at me right as the mortar round began to impact.

"Aurora, I didn't make you cheat on me..." I said, anger and impatience growing in my voice.

"Yes, you did!" Aurora snapped back with a ferocious yell. "I tried to tell you time and time again I wasn't interested, but you kept acting like you were entitled to have me."

"Because I rescued you from Valentine when I blew his brains out with a shotgun?" I yelled back, insulted that she would be so ungrateful to me. "Do you have any idea how risky that is for a police officer to do?"

"Given how he was just another statistic in Cloudsdale's police brutality, which kills far more of my people than it does yours, I'll say zero to none!" Aurora spat back, before turning her attention back to her mortar. "You could've been one of the good ones but you instead chose to be part of the problem."

"What I chose was to be more humane part of the problem while removing the less humane parts!" I retort, grabbing her shoulder to try and pull her attention back to me. "It was the safest job a griffon like me with zero other meaningful skills could get!"

"Stop it! both of you!" Iron Loyalty commanded as he placed himself in between us. "We used to work together, can't we still do that?"

"Shut the hell up! It's your fault we broke up!" I yell out, angrily raising a fist at Iron, but stopping myself at the last second. Iron flinched, but Aurora simply scoffed, as if I had just proved her point unintentionally. I simply turned away and walked off, when I was certain they were out of earshot, I just let loose my fury on a nearby metal wall. No concern for if I'd hurt myself, only concerned with finding an outlet for my anger in a fury of blows directed at an undeserving wall. Then, when I calmed down for a split second, I could see myself for the monster I was. They were right, I hadn't changed, I only was trying to assuage a guilty conscience. There was no denying the things I did, the ponies I hurt, and the ego of self-righteousness that I carried myself with. I fell to my side and burst into tears, I was paralyzed by these nauseating tidal waves of anger and sadness, the color of my surroundings seemed to fade and my eyes began to lose focus as tears ran down my face. My emotions soon died down, simply replaced by fatigue and despair.

After a few minutes, Iron walked over to me, sitting beside me and placing a hand on my shoulder and rubbing it in a comforting manner.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry it came to this," I say to Iron weakly.

"The feeling's mutual Ness," replied Iron.

"Was it all my fault?" I ask as I pull myself up to sit beside Iron.

"Mostly," said Iron Loyalty with brutal honesty. "But if you are this torn up about something that is your fault, maybe you're not the monster that Aurora claims you to be.

"What do you mean?" I ask, turning my head towards him.

"You always went through life with something to prove. Like you were trying to fight something from the deepest pit of your heart. There's something you're deeply afraid of." Iron returned the gaze and pulled me into a comforting sideways hug.

"I've never been afraid of anything," I say defensively. "I have always been the first to take the biggest leap, the one to always charge into the unknown to defend those who can't help themselves."

"But that's just the thing," Iron said back, patting me on the shoulder as a gentle signal to calm down. "you always assume everyone else is afraid of something bad happening, and people tend to subconsciously project what emotions they feel onto others. Take the day we first stopped those officers for example. You were afraid them taking bribes had to be put to a stop. Heck, you even started the gang to, in your eyes, look out for the little guy."

"I..." I paused as I looked down, trying to form words, unable to think of a cohesive sentence until I finally stop trying to resist and start admitting to my feelings. "I felt I was justified at the time because I was afraid, I was afraid of whether I'd be betrayed, I was worried I would die alone, I was worried I would die period." I perked myself up, it felt good to get that off my chest. I was proud of myself.

"See, it's good you're admitting to your feelings." Iron then pulled me into a full, proper embrace, hugging me tightly as the good friend he is. "The reason Aurora wanted me was because I seemed to have my life together. She didn't entirely hate you, she was grateful that you saved her when she did. She just wasn't interested in you at the time, presumably because all this emotional baggage was too much for her to deal with." The old me, the person I was immediately before this conversation, would've gotten mad for bringing up that betrayal again. However, Iron Loyalty's talk with me about my feelings, it made sense, I agreed with him wholeheartedly that in the long run, him seducing Aurora was for the better. I embraced Iron with the same level of emotional passion, I genuinely felt happy, worn down as I was, to think about my past for a change, before it began to stabilize again.

"There's one thing I have to ask though," I add as we both let go."It's just been on my mind more and more, but why did you guys try to have me killed over not wanting to join with The Balefire Division?" Iron simply chuckled at my question as he looks off in the direction Aurora was at.

"It's simple really," Iron said. "The chief wasn't a bison, he was a yak, and he was on Balefire's take. They rigged the tribal election so they could get someone without traditional ancestral connections, so they could push for the construction of an aqueduct for the orchard that would've impeded the stampeding grounds that Twilight and her friends won."

"That's horrible!" I exclaim as my jaw hit the floor, having to take a moment to pick it back up. "I get that they are not the good guys, hell, they're the worst kind of scum, but what does this accomplish?"

"Agitation," Iron adds, spitting on the ground. "They want to cause a race war and undermine Equestrian democracy for all. Their entire modus operandi is basically trying to kick the hornet's nest for everyone, regardless of if they even fail or succeed."

"Fuck me..." I mutter in disbelief. "I hope us mobilizing an entire ranger battalion doesn't end up helping them."

"Don't worry, no matter how much chaos we cause, as long as we all stick together as friends, whatever we fight for, no matter who we have to fight, it will always be worth it in the end." Iron Loyalty stood up and extended a hoof for me to get up.

"I can see why you're called Iron Loyalty," I say, taking his hoof and getting back up onto my feet. "Thank you, I'm glad I met you, my life wouldn't be the same without you, you are a good person."

"Thank you." Iron Loyalty smiled. "Go rest up, I'm sure you could use it, maybe get some range time in today or tomorrow, or prepare however you want.

"Thank you too Iron," I say as I smile back before walking off. "Thank you."

Lying awake in my bed this morning, I could hear the sounds of suppressing fire off in the distance. Sounded like kids with firecrackers, only I knew better. I decided now was as good a time as any, so I decided to go about my daily morning grooming routine and get myself ready. I stretched, got out of bed, and went to the shower.

It was genuinely relaxing being able to clean myself off. To feel the hot water running across my feathers, my cares almost literally melting away for a brief moment as I shampooed the oils out of my feather and talons. I stepped out and dried myself off, checking out my appearance in the mirror. While I was quite proud of the long crest of feathers I had grown, something about it just felt off. it was a certain Je ne sais quois that just didn't feel right about my feathers. I shook those thoughts out of my head as I tied my feathers up in a ponytail and got dressed before heading downstairs, hopefully, I'll be getting some breakfast.

Hearing Green Hay playing on a small portable radio, it put me in a good mood. I saw Staff Sergeant Buckshot and Corporal Talon sitting around the table, and Sergeant Biggins was of course in the kitchen. I smiled at how calm everything seemed despite all of us possibly being dead in 2 days. It just wasn't bothering me, I was just singing and dancing quietly to Green Hay's Holiday. I of course don't dance very well, so after towards the end of the song, I ended up tripping on my talons and stumbling onto the rug.

"You sir, are a true Equestrian Idiot." Buckshot chuckled at me while shaking his head endearingly.

"He can't be if he knows Green hay," Talon adds. "The entire point of Equestrian Idiot is about not being like the others."

"Hey, all the fillies used to say I was pretty fly for a winged guy." I chuckled at my bad reference. Biggins did however laugh, so that did cheer me up. I got up from the ground and took a seat at the table

"Don't worry about looking cool too hard Ness," Talon said in a reassuring tone. "You're gonna go far, kid!"

"Really?" I asked as a smile on my face grew.

"Really," Buckshot interjected. "Ever since the day we recruited you and invited you to fight alongside us, you have not passed our expectations, you have exceeded them, Private."

"That's nice of you to say boss," I said as Buckshot laid out the 4 plates of food on the table. "I just hope nothing too terrible transpires at the EBI in my absence."

"I think they're doing just fine without you," Biggins replied in a reassuring tone as he began to dig into his hearty breakfast he prepared for all of us, his usual bacon, eggs, and toast.

"I had just submitted an update to General Rainbow Dash and the EBI Director," Buckshot added. "While he did inquire if you were giving us some troubling behavior, we were genuinely able to say that you had not shown any signs of us since joining up."

"Well that, unfortunately, is a lie." I lowered my head solemnly. "when we were at Talon's for his son's birthday party, I helped myself to some Concerta I had found in the bathroom because I was just too stressed."

"I know," buckshot replied, with a merciful tone in his voice. "I have my share of vices too. We all do. We would never have gotten this far if we didn't have a means of coping. Plus, you didn't do it while we were in the thick of the action, so I really couldn't be mad at you for something you did off the clock, as it were."

"Plus all I had to do was notify the pharmacy that we had spilled some in the toilet, they replenished it free of charge," Talon said monotonously.

"Well," I begin to say, reaching into chest pocket and pulling out the Narcan autoinjector. "Biggins gave this to me, said you'd understand what it would be like to lose control of your emotions."

"Ah, so he told you about Benghayzi," Buckshot said solemnly. "Our Raider company was called in to provide backup, they had never seen an attack as co-ordinated as that in recent years, so we were going in blind."

"It was hard on me, it was hard on him," Biggins added. "We lost 2 diplomats, and 2 EIA contractors. At first, the regular marines thought it was just a harmless protest, so they weren't about to shoot unarmed civilians exercising their 1st amendment rights."

"But then the mortars came flying in, so when the Raiders showed up, we hunkered down on the rooftops and began shooting." Buckshot cracked his neck almost as if he were sorta proud of that achievement.

"So what caused you to form a habit?" I asked, concerned.

"Well," biggins started, a bit nervous about how he could put this delicately. "I found him munching on morphine tablets whenever we see all these protests go on, I could tell my brother was just trying to calm his nerves."

"It's why I wanted to go after The Balefire Division." Buckshot genuinely smiled. "Not only are they a stain on beautiful southern hospitality, but in the past 4 years, ponies with their hateful ideals had been growing in numbers and ferocity. Seeing the Equestrian nation divided on something as banal as hate is something I would gladly fight and die for."

"And I, a good brother, promised him long ago that I would follow him no matter where he went. Into the very fires of Tartarus." Biggins smiled back at Buckshot and finished his food. Of course, the big pony was the first to do so, followed by his brother

"Well, thanks for having this talk with me, I already did my best to clear up my past with Iron and Aurora, I'm glad to get a solid bearing on my present now." I had a mouthful of food when saying that, but I finished my food before Talon did.

"No problem Ness," Buckshot said, getting up. "Biggins and I are going to go practice our marksman before the big mission. You wanna come along?"

"Nah, I'll just stay here and chat with Talon," I reply. "Thanks for the offer though."

"No problem, hoss." Buckshot led his brother out of the room, although Biggins gave me a gentle hug real quick before letting go and heading out with Buckshot.

The room fell deathly silent as those two left. Talon slowly ate his food. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, he never struck me as the most social person out there, although he did manage to find a wife so there had to be something there behind that cold, calculating, marksmare.

"So, how'd you end up meeting your wife?" I ask, trying to break the silence.

"Medical," Talon replied bluntly. "I got injured in the Abottabad raid when the chopper went down, and my wife patched me up after I blew up the stealth helo.

"Wait, you were in the Yak-Yakistan raid?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yep. I was a steady shot, and I happened to be part of the DEVGRU unit assigned to it." Talon said, as he finally finished his plate.

"Pff, no way." I teased Talon as I gently slapped his shoulder. "There's no way you're that good."

"Alright, let's go hunting then." Talon picked up his rifle and loaded a bullet into it. "We go out into the wild and bag us a deer for lunch. I'm gonna show you how a real SEAL hunts."

"Alright, you're on." I get up and smirk, narrowing my eyes as I extend a talon. This situation seemed like a win-win. Either I get to tease Talon some more for spooking our prey, or I get some free venison for lunch and/or dinner, depending on how late we're out for. Hopefully, we'll stay relatively safe.